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Things that happen in real sex but not in porn

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By *idlandia OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

We all know most porn is unrealistic or idealised at best. What happens in the world of sex that never occurs in the celluloid version?

I'll start with, you adjust your position a bit and hear "argh, your on my f%#king hair! Gerroff"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Farting fannies

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By *icegentglosMan
over a year ago

Gloucester

The kids come home

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Making potato waffles during the down time!

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By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

Cramp

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Making potato waffles during the down time!"

That sounds amazing... I’m coming to yours lol

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By *horecruxCouple
over a year ago

SE4

Fetching a towel/wetwipe whilst they do a good legsakimbo impression

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cramp"

You stole mine its a bastard all gets a bit carry on.from there but you gotta laugh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fumbling with the condom wrapper and him losing his erection by the time it's on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cramp

Loud bored noises from the dog outside the door

Parcel delivery guy arriving

Chambermaid barging in offering towels

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By *horecruxCouple
over a year ago

SE4

The neighbours banging on the wall

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By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

"Cramp

You stole mine its a bastard all gets a bit carry on.from there but you gotta laugh"

When you think he's moaning from enjoyment....then realise his leg has seized up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fumbling with the condom wrapper and him losing his erection by the time it's on. "

Durex are the worst for this. They’re practically impenetrable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The bed squeaking like a bastard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when in missionary position my wife saying the ceiling needs painting

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Words from the woman’s lips ‘not there not there’ followed by ‘do you not know where my clit is?’

Quite common is this.

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By *ogostick72Man
over a year ago

Scotland

Women getting pregnant

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By *ogostick72Man
over a year ago

Scotland

Aarrggghhhh wrong hole lol

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By *uminsiderMKMan
over a year ago

St Austell

Watching husband getting carried away with giving instructions and directions, and being told by his wife to 'Shut up or get out!'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Getting told off for jizz on the soft furnishings

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By *uckmefackwardsMan
over a year ago

Swindon

Apart from the kids coming home, most of the other suggestions do happen in porn more regularly than you might think but of course that's usually the time to shout cut and it's edited out. Certainly in old non gonzo/reality porn.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

The cat jumping up on the bed, sniffing the man’s arse or even jumping on his back, claws out! YES it happens.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fucking dog walking in and trying to lick my ass

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The neighbours banging on the wall"

If my neighbours banged on the wall id hit the roof! Luckilly we know our neighbour and theyre bedroom is down stairs so its all good. But if someone moans, theyre just jealous your gettin it and they aint!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Needing a piss half way through

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The cat jumping up on the bed, sniffing the man’s arse or even jumping on his back, claws out! YES it happens. "

Yes, this has happened to a freind of mine! I was trying to sleep while he banged his missus(bedsit, he thought i was sleeping). I saw cat paws under the door so i let it in, it interloped on them and started sniffing his sack! We called it puuurv!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Getting fucked so hard you bleed

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By *horecruxCouple
over a year ago

SE4

The cum shot hits no where near her face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The hot and sweaty faces/bodies you both have once it's all over pre shower

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By *ast_And_CuriousMan
over a year ago

Sevenoaks

Getting poo on your dick during anal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Getting cum in your eyes...ouch....and your mascara running everywhere.

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By *airyfatmanMan
over a year ago

by 'ere

"The cat jumping up on the bed, sniffing the man’s arse or even jumping on his back, claws out! YES it happens. "

Not quite this, but have had a dog jump up on the bed just after “finishing” and having placed the used and rathy full condom on the bedside table. It the proceeded to “steal” the condom and violently shake it so the contents got flung around the room. Wasn’t impressed with being hit in the face with my own spunk at the time, but looking back now I find it hilarious lol

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By *horecruxCouple
over a year ago

SE4

Having to sleep in the poxy wet patch

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By *ottie_84Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Having to sleep in the poxy wet patch"

Puddle for me lol

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By *horecruxCouple
over a year ago

SE4

"Having to sleep in the poxy wet patch

Puddle for me lol "

Ooft why can't you ladies aim it out the window ?

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By *ord Willy McFuck-BucketMan
over a year ago

newcastle

Wiping my cock on the curtains when she isn't looking

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By *unning LinguistMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

You can have the wet patch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Slipping on a dildo and fucking your back

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By *inky Little SecretsCouple
over a year ago

belfast

These are all sooooo funny!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Falling off the bed/sofa

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By *ottie_84Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Having to sleep in the poxy wet patch

Puddle for me lol

Ooft why can't you ladies aim it out the window ?"

Apparently at the right angle I can lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The follow through

Someone had to say it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The awkward walk to the toilet afterwards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The follow through

Someone had to say it

"

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Women get foreplay.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having to sleep in the poxy wet patch

Puddle for me lol

Ooft why can't you ladies aim it out the window ?

Apparently at the right angle I can lol "

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By *horecruxCouple
over a year ago

SE4

Only the woman gets paid after

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By *ottie_84Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Having to sleep in the poxy wet patch

Puddle for me lol

Ooft why can't you ladies aim it out the window ?

Apparently at the right angle I can lol

"

Don’t pull that face at me ahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having to sleep in the poxy wet patch

Puddle for me lol

Ooft why can't you ladies aim it out the window ?

Apparently at the right angle I can lol

Don’t pull that face at me ahaha "

Noted.

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By *horecruxCouple
over a year ago

SE4

"Having to sleep in the poxy wet patch

Puddle for me lol

Ooft why can't you ladies aim it out the window ?

Apparently at the right angle I can lol

Don’t pull that face at me ahaha

Noted."

I'm guessing 45°

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By *ottie_84Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Having to sleep in the poxy wet patch

Puddle for me lol

Ooft why can't you ladies aim it out the window ?

Apparently at the right angle I can lol

Don’t pull that face at me ahaha

Noted.

I'm guessing 45°"

Uhm last time I was angled I think it was about that can’t say I paid attention I was a bit busy

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By *horecruxCouple
over a year ago

SE4

"Having to sleep in the poxy wet patch

Puddle for me lol

Ooft why can't you ladies aim it out the window ?

Apparently at the right angle I can lol

Don’t pull that face at me ahaha

Noted.

I'm guessing 45°

Uhm last time I was angled I think it was about that can’t say I paid attention I was a bit busy

"

Aha working lower chest at the gym gg

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

The laundry!

Lol yes I end up with a waterbed. One good reason not to play at home.

Unable to unfasten you bra because the hooks are bent.

Undressing isn’t always that sexy.

They never have Brigette Jones knickers on in porn!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The follow through

Someone had to say it

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The bed sliding sideways and collapsing as one of the legs gives way under the strain of being shaken to bits, knocking the bedside table and sending the glass of pop you'd thoughtfully remembered to bring in for half-time refreshments spilling all over the bedroom carpet.

It was a long time ago...! And a rickety old bed...!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A little voice from the other room saying mummy are you ok?

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By *he Silver FuxMan
over a year ago

Uttoxeter

The awkward indecisive change of position... “how do you want me? This way round?... no... wait... let me move my leg.. hang on... oh, the other way... wait a minute, I’ll shuffle up the bed a bit... you’re barely on... there. How’s that? oh sorry I thought you... I’ll turn over. Throw those cushions over there. Careful, I’m a bit tender from last night, be a darling, the lube’s in the drawer.....no, next one down. No, don’t use that one, it’s rubbish, should have thrown it out, yes that’s it... yeah.. no, press the cap down and it will....that’s it, careful it’ll go everywhere... fuck! That was COLD! .... just... that’s it... bit lower... no put your legs between mine it’s hurting my knees... Oh god yeeeessss...... soooo fucking good. YES! Fuuuuuccckkk.... Mmmm... pull my hair and slap my bum a bit would you?”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some bastard PPI phone call just when you’re about to blow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The awkward indecisive change of position... “how do you want me? This way round?... no... wait... let me move my leg.. hang on... oh, the other way... wait a minute, I’ll shuffle up the bed a bit... you’re barely on... there. How’s that? oh sorry I thought you... I’ll turn over. Throw those cushions over there. Careful, I’m a bit tender from last night, be a darling, the lube’s in the drawer.....no, next one down. No, don’t use that one, it’s rubbish, should have thrown it out, yes that’s it... yeah.. no, press the cap down and it will....that’s it, careful it’ll go everywhere... fuck! That was COLD! .... just... that’s it... bit lower... no put your legs between mine it’s hurting my knees... Oh god yeeeessss...... soooo fucking good. YES! Fuuuuuccckkk.... Mmmm... pull my hair and slap my bum a bit would you?”"

Hahahaha. Too funny

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By *horecruxCouple
over a year ago

SE4

"A little voice from the other room saying mummy are you ok?

"

Well... was you ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A little voice from the other room saying mummy are you ok?

Well... was you ?"

Well I was but that sort of spoiled it really! Lol

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By *queegeeMan
over a year ago

northampton

"when in missionary position my wife saying the ceiling needs painting "
i think you win ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Making potato waffles during the down time!

That sounds amazing... I’m coming to yours lol"

Let me know when, oven is on!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well our son has literally just walked in. He’s still half asleep so didn’t see anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The shuffle on the bed on all fours and being asked if you can move your arse down a bit, so they can get it in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The shuffle on the bed on all fours and being asked if you can move your arse down a bit, so they can get it in. "

Ha ha yep

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By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

Getting the giggles

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The husband turns up

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By *airyfatmanMan
over a year ago

by 'ere

"The shuffle on the bed on all fours and being asked if you can move your arse down a bit, so they can get it in. "

Sometimes I need to put cushion under her to raise her up. All about getting the entry angles right

lol

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By *idlandia OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

I'm so glad I start this thread. They are all wonderful! Do continue!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The shuffle on the bed on all fours and being asked if you can move your arse down a bit, so they can get it in.

Sometimes I need to put cushion under her to raise her up. All about getting the entry angles right

lol "

So sexy! Arse aloft!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having a smell of your fingers whilst she's popped to the loo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fanny farts

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By *ord Willy McFuck-BucketMan
over a year ago

newcastle

pushing her head down to get a better look at the tv(telvision) you have to be specific on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The awkward indecisive change of position... “how do you want me? This way round?... no... wait... let me move my leg.. hang on... oh, the other way... wait a minute, I’ll shuffle up the bed a bit... you’re barely on... there. How’s that? oh sorry I thought you... I’ll turn over. Throw those cushions over there. Careful, I’m a bit tender from last night, be a darling, the lube’s in the drawer.....no, next one down. No, don’t use that one, it’s rubbish, should have thrown it out, yes that’s it... yeah.. no, press the cap down and it will....that’s it, careful it’ll go everywhere... fuck! That was COLD! .... just... that’s it... bit lower... no put your legs between mine it’s hurting my knees... Oh god yeeeessss...... soooo fucking good. YES! Fuuuuuccckkk.... Mmmm... pull my hair and slap my bum a bit would you?”"

Lmao...loved this...it's all part of the fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trying a new dildo but finding it’s a tad too large!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The kids come home "

That happens in porn just not the real kids and not young kids!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The cum shot hits no where near her face "

Cum hits her tits rebounds back into the guys eye!!

Am I the only guy this has happened to??

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By *andsome_Chef88Man
over a year ago

London

Accidentally head butting each other when trying to kiss passionately but aggressive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The cum shot hits no where near her face

Cum hits her tits rebounds back into the guys eye!!

Am I the only guy this has happened to??"

Karma is such a bitch, isn't it?

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By *ediMan
over a year ago

Leeds

Not being able to take the bra off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stubbing your toe instantly killing the mood

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By *issminxandmrcCouple
over a year ago

Rotherham

I'm gonna GUSHHHHHH !!!!

QUICK!!! "IS THE TOWEL UNDER ME???

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By *ekyllnHideCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

"The awkward indecisive change of position... “how do you want me? This way round?... no... wait... let me move my leg.. hang on... oh, the other way... wait a minute, I’ll shuffle up the bed a bit... you’re barely on... there. How’s that? oh sorry I thought you... I’ll turn over. Throw those cushions over there. Careful, I’m a bit tender from last night, be a darling, the lube’s in the drawer.....no, next one down. No, don’t use that one, it’s rubbish, should have thrown it out, yes that’s it... yeah.. no, press the cap down and it will....that’s it, careful it’ll go everywhere... fuck! That was COLD! .... just... that’s it... bit lower... no put your legs between mine it’s hurting my knees... Oh god yeeeessss...... soooo fucking good. YES! Fuuuuuccckkk.... Mmmm... pull my hair and slap my bum a bit would you?”"

Brilliant........when did you enter our bedroom without being noticed!!!x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The follow through

Someone had to say it

"

One of the perils of bum sex!

oops!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some great posts there - you know ur laughing at some knowing yet that happened to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No dont cum in me or her hand goes over herself so I dont get her pussy dirty.

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By *etal MickeyMan
over a year ago

Blackpool

Dislocating your knee so close to cumming that you don't stop!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fanny farts, bottom burps

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By *iddytoxcplCouple
over a year ago

Stoke/Uttoxeter

This thread has made my journey to work such fun.

Tears in my eyes from laughing.

Anyway how about "fuck have you seen the time, I'm meant to be at work" but carry on regardless.

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By *iddytoxcplCouple
over a year ago

Stoke/Uttoxeter

They never have to ask "what was your name so I can send a verification" When they finish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A wee break

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pushes you off saying hang on I need to fart.

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple
over a year ago

Chester

Security knocking on hotel door

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By *100Man
over a year ago

Essex

Premature ejaculation

Literally two pumps and a squirt and a giggle of satisfaction lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fumbling with the condom wrapper and him losing his erection by the time it's on. "

If someone looses his erection with you he must be gay.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hang on while I get this hair out of my mouth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A little voice from the other room saying mummy are you ok?

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Snapping your banjo string during anal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tesco food shop delivery arriving

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By *limolder54Man
over a year ago

Fife

Falling asleep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fanny farts

Cramp

Farts

Tissue on pussy wen eating

The clean up

Loss of interest after shooting

Spunk on carpet (clean up mission)

Leaning on her hair till she shouts in pain

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Police man knocking on the car window..

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By *airyfatmanMan
over a year ago

by 'ere

"The shuffle on the bed on all fours and being asked if you can move your arse down a bit, so they can get it in.

Sometimes I need to put cushion under her to raise her up. All about getting the entry angles right

lol

So sexy! Arse aloft!

"

You know it lol. Although I love to look the person in the eye and see the pleasure in their face it’s amazing seeing a nice round arse in front of you just waiting for it lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Police man knocking on the car window.. "
and joining in

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By *inkylovers09Couple
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

[Removed by poster at 05/09/18 10:50:23]

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By *inkylovers09Couple
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

"when in missionary position my wife saying the ceiling needs painting "

This is sooo the male half in our relationship lool

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The rooms a mess

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By *amesB66Man
over a year ago

St Peter Port

Remembering you've left the chicken in the oven!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The explosive follow through from on friend when we were having bum sex in the woods and then realising neither of us had tissues....amazing how many leaves it took to clean it all up lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We all know most porn is unrealistic or idealised at best. What happens in the world of sex that never occurs in the celluloid version?

I'll start with, you adjust your position a bit and hear "argh, your on my f%#king hair! Gerroff" "

Frantic fuck because neither of you can wait to cum.

Sex lasting hours, even in several sessions throughout the day or weekend.

Much more erotic talking by both of us.

More liberal use of food and drink during sex.

Convincing role play.

Neighbours fucking noisily in sympathy, I love that!

Amazon/Ebay delivery arrives when you are close to cumming.

Using anything available in the house for extra stimulation to partner.

Feeling embarrassed as you finally found her limits (You did WHAT?)

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By *idlandia OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

Feeling embarrassed as you finally found her limits (You did WHAT?)

Definitely not seen a lady in porn ever say, I'm not doing that!! Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The noises are real the people are real.......... Lets all go to a place we are all known....... Cheers

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By *rwolfMan
over a year ago

bristol

Follow through from certain acts.

Cramps.

Wondering where you put that fucking toy and then crunching your knee with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

These damn button flies!

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By *acksmith22Man
over a year ago

cannock

Ooohhh you had a few

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Husband coming home unexpectedly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never seen a porno where the guy says 'So have you cum yet?'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Police man knocking on the car window.. and joining in

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After cumming everywhere and realising you forgot the box of tissues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Accidentally ringing your mum and leaving her a voicemail of you having a good fucking.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Accidentally ringing your mum and leaving her a voicemail of you having a good fucking.......

"

Ouch

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By *he Silver FuxMan
over a year ago

Uttoxeter

"The awkward indecisive change of position... “how do you want me? This way round?... no... wait... let me move my leg.. hang on... oh, the other way... wait a minute, I’ll shuffle up the bed a bit... you’re barely on... there. How’s that? oh sorry I thought you... I’ll turn over. Throw those cushions over there. Careful, I’m a bit tender from last night, be a darling, the lube’s in the drawer.....no, next one down. No, don’t use that one, it’s rubbish, should have thrown it out, yes that’s it... yeah.. no, press the cap down and it will....that’s it, careful it’ll go everywhere... fuck! That was COLD! .... just... that’s it... bit lower... no put your legs between mine it’s hurting my knees... Oh god yeeeessss...... soooo fucking good. YES! Fuuuuuccckkk.... Mmmm... pull my hair and slap my bum a bit would you?”

Brilliant........when did you enter our bedroom without being noticed!!!x"

A voyeur ninja...

.... you won’t see me coming

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By *itavonteaseWoman
over a year ago

Romsey

This has literally made me laugh my socks off this morning, thank you all for brightening my day!

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By *he Silver FuxMan
over a year ago

Uttoxeter

"Accidentally ringing your mum and leaving her a voicemail of you having a good fucking.......

"

Oh jeez, this made me cringe so hard my balls retracted...

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By *tirluvMan
over a year ago

the right frame of mind -London

Unexpected visitors ringing the doorbell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Accidentally ringing your mum and leaving her a voicemail of you having a good fucking.......

Ouch

"

The mothers text the day after.........

The next time you’re in the throughs of passion, make sure your phone isn’t under your pillow( was in my bag,and we was in a club)as you left me a voicemail at 2.30 this morning, took me a while to work out what it was!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Accidentally ringing your mum and leaving her a voicemail of you having a good fucking.......

Ouch

The mothers text the day after.........

The next time you’re in the throughs of passion, make sure your phone isn’t under your pillow( was in my bag,and we was in a club)as you left me a voicemail at 2.30 this morning, took me a while to work out what it was!!

That’s brilliant!

"

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"Unexpected visitors ringing the doorbell"

Mormons on the door step! I only answered the door as was expecting a parcel

Pulled on a tshirt with tits akimbo and my drawers inside out.

They beat a hasty retreat!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In a MMF, trying for ages to do a DVP, trying to get the angles right, after 5 mins of trying, one of you goes soft and someone says “ahh fuck it, let’s try something else”.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/09/18 14:18:56]

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

When a man suddenly loses his erection and blames it on tiredness! So aggravating!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When a man suddenly loses his erection and blames it on tiredness! So aggravating! "
really

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By *untimes6969Man
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

A real classic but not my own experience, I hassen to add!!

Woman on all fours, man behind giving her anal - all good!

They finish and as he pulls out she follows through and he catches it in his hand!!

Get him on the cricket squad!!

Plenty of entertaining moments on here, thanks for sharing!!

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By *im L FuckitMan
over a year ago

Dumfriesshire

You have to take your own pictures

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A real classic but not my own experience, I hassen to add!!

Woman on all fours, man behind giving her anal - all good!

They finish and as he pulls out she follows through and he catches it in his hand!!

Get him on the cricket squad!!

Plenty of entertaining moments on here, thanks for sharing!!"

Fuck me....theres an image that’ll stay with me....I think I’d be out for a duck!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They stop halfway through fucking you doggystyle as their knee/hip has gone.

Women panting because they’re hot and menopausal, not because they’re hot and getting fucked good.

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

Orgasms

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"When a man suddenly loses his erection and blames it on tiredness! So aggravating! really "

Yes really....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dot Cotton appears on the TV whilst you’re getting a blowjob

Down it goes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

kneeling on the edge of the bed giving doggy and you slip. knees off the bed and end face berried in her arse, where your cock once was.

fucking hilarious

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is the funniest thread I have read in ages ..

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By *ottie_84Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

Cramp!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When a man suddenly loses his erection and blames it on tiredness! So aggravating! really

Yes really...."
he got off and said I'm too tired to continue lass carry on with out me

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By *egs11ABCWoman
over a year ago

Aberdeen

"when in missionary position my wife saying the ceiling needs painting "

Haha that was my q to get rid of fb . If im more worried about the decoration he's not doing it for me

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By *egs11ABCWoman
over a year ago

Aberdeen

"Fucking dog walking in and trying to lick my ass

"

Yep especially when it's a 42kilo pitbull cross fb is terrfied of altho there's more chance of me biting him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you’re trying to peg a guy and the dildo keeps slipping up his back due to too much lube and you just can’t get it in his arse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When you’re trying to peg a guy and the dildo keeps slipping up his back due to too much lube and you just can’t get it in his arse.

"

Oh blimey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When you’re trying to peg a guy and the dildo keeps slipping up his back due to too much lube and you just can’t get it in his arse.

"
omg yes that's so frustrating

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By *ransGuyTV/TS
over a year ago

Cardiff

Falling on your arse trying to get your socks off?

The bed squeaking so much that you get the giggles and kill the mood?

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By *a Fee VerteWoman
over a year ago

Limbo

Grabbing what feels (in dim light) like the lube bottle - except it isn't (and sun cream bloody stings)

Getting your piercings horribly stuck between someone's teeth, or painfully entangled in their clothing

All that motion making you feel so queasy you have to sexily run off to throw up

Ditto the sudden onset of an upset stomach, more running off

Falling asleep mid-flow

Cramp, cramp and more cramp necessitating what looks like a badly performed rain dance round the room

Screaming when you cum - because you're hit with an orgasm headache of migraine proportions

Screaming when you're on your back at the spider you've just spotted above you on the ceiling

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By *ottie_84Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

"

Ditto the sudden onset of an upset stomach, more running off

"

This actually happened to me during a meet! I felt awful for having to cut it short

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Going for a dp and realising it's really disc paralysis oooch

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Your boss ringing half way through a sex session for you to book him a train ticket to London for the next morning at 6am and it’s now 10pm. Yes it did happen to me....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Your boss ringing half way through a sex session for you to book him a train ticket to London for the next morning at 6am and it’s now 10pm. Yes it did happen to me....

"
with an FB?

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By *astings SocialWoman
over a year ago

Hastings

"The awkward indecisive change of position... “how do you want me? This way round?... no... wait... let me move my leg.. hang on... oh, the other way... wait a minute, I’ll shuffle up the bed a bit... you’re barely on... there. How’s that? oh sorry I thought you... I’ll turn over. Throw those cushions over there. Careful, I’m a bit tender from last night, be a darling, the lube’s in the drawer.....no, next one down. No, don’t use that one, it’s rubbish, should have thrown it out, yes that’s it... yeah.. no, press the cap down and it will....that’s it, careful it’ll go everywhere... fuck! That was COLD! .... just... that’s it... bit lower... no put your legs between mine it’s hurting my knees... Oh god yeeeessss...... soooo fucking good. YES! Fuuuuuccckkk.... Mmmm... pull my hair and slap my bum a bit would you?”"

Proper laughing

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Your boss ringing half way through a sex session for you to book him a train ticket to London for the next morning at 6am and it’s now 10pm. Yes it did happen to me....

with an FB? "

No.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haha. When the girl accidently farts while doing doggy lol

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By *inkerbell67Woman
over a year ago

Clacton on sea essex

Male passing out with cramp and being put in recovery postion ...yep happened to me lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Grabbing what feels (in dim light) like the lube bottle - except it isn't (and sun cream bloody stings)

Getting your piercings horribly stuck between someone's teeth, or painfully entangled in their clothing

All that motion making you feel so queasy you have to sexily run off to throw up

Ditto the sudden onset of an upset stomach, more running off

Falling asleep mid-flow

Cramp, cramp and more cramp necessitating what looks like a badly performed rain dance round the room

Screaming when you cum - because you're hit with an orgasm headache of migraine proportions

Screaming when you're on your back at the spider you've just spotted above you on the ceiling

"

Oh the orgasm headache

Yeah they never show that

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

You put a towel down on the bed!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have a argument about who's sleeping on the wet patch x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wife/husband calls or text with a emergency at home.....

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Trying to shag quietly on a slowly deflating airbed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In real situations lights could be out so they can hide you can't have that in porn

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By *ucyfur77Woman
over a year ago

Pleasuretown

Foreplay

Cramp

Wardrobe malfunction

A stray hair during oral

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

Doing battle with your jeans to get them off quick time, then tripping over them and crashing to the floor...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The bed breaking on you ...

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By *zamiWoman
over a year ago

LONDON

"Words from the woman’s lips ‘not there not there’ followed by ‘do you not know where my clit is?’

Quite common is this. "

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

DOOF-DOOF-DOOF. DER-DOO-DOO-DOOF. As she realises that Eastenders has only bloody started 2 minutes too early: stops riding you, taps your dick 3 times, gives it a quick good bye kiss and runs down stairs with the duvet, just like Lady Godiva trying to catch her runaway horse.

Ball ache aka epydidimitus: had it

Shit, I've just broken a nail! Then sniffs it after it's been up yer bum. Be Afraid: be very afraid!

Vibrator batteries die.

Being asked to take her Rampant rabbit back to the shop. Because she's wore it out and is too ashamed to do it herself and wants you to ask, on her behalf ask if it's still covered by the warranty. All this whilst your ears are being crushed by her thighs.

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By *nnie24Woman
over a year ago

Basildon

[Removed by poster at 05/09/18 22:03:36]

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"The bed breaking on you ... "

Breaking Bed...sounds like a Breaking Bad porno spoof. Any remember the hand job scene?

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"This made me giggle, so true"

Thanks for that! Although the bollock ache took a few days to settle down. They're alright now, but if you'd like to kiss 'em better...LOL.

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By *andlingswingersCouple
over a year ago

Woodbridge

This happened to a friend:

Fancies himself at the one-handed draw, reaches into bedside cabinet for a

Condom in the dark. Rips foil off with teeth. Won’t go on. Tries it the other way around. Still won’t go on. Mood fading. Any reason to need a condom fading. Puts light on.

Finds he’s been trying to roll on a cough sweet.

No, it really was a friend, not me....

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

When you start your menstrual cycle early/late during the sex session. It can usually result in the one with Male gender running for the hills screaming like a banshee.....with not one ounce of consideration for the lady and yes it has happened to me...!

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By *hubnwife_36dd_ukCouple
over a year ago

chester

You hear the cat door go, followed by THAT miaow that tells you "I've just got you a mouse/vole/rat/rabbit and it is now loose in your kitchen...care to come and catch it NOW before it hides somewhere and dies?...giving off such a lingering foul odour that even nuclear bleach won't shift""P.S. I love you and I'd like some biscuits please"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Theses are all brilliant , made me smile

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"The awkward indecisive change of position... “how do you want me? This way round?... no... wait... let me move my leg.. hang on... oh, the other way... wait a minute, I’ll shuffle up the bed a bit... you’re barely on... there. How’s that? oh sorry I thought you... I’ll turn over. Throw those cushions over there. Careful, I’m a bit tender from last night, be a darling, the lube’s in the drawer.....no, next one down. No, don’t use that one, it’s rubbish, should have thrown it out, yes that’s it... yeah.. no, press the cap down and it will....that’s it, careful it’ll go everywhere... fuck! That was COLD! .... just... that’s it... bit lower... no put your legs between mine it’s hurting my knees... Oh god yeeeessss...... soooo fucking good. YES! Fuuuuuccckkk.... Mmmm... pull my hair and slap my bum a bit would you?”"

You've definitely been there!

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