FabSwingers.com: C (65) & L (62) , Couple in Woodbridge, East Midlands, UK

Once when you live and again when you die, according to the Japanese saying. To save time, and to live longer, if you haven't had both your jabs then please don't get in touch. Yes, yes, we know all about the new world order and Bill Gates' plan to see where everyone is up a 5G mast with the lizard people and all that blah, but hey, we're cool with that. We're not cool with anti-vaxers, so no jab, no play.

But first, a public safety message. Pubic safety is assumed.

Just as we wouldn't meet anyone HIV positive, to put it simply, we don't want to die.

And breathe! If you're still alive and reading this far, we will be looking for sane, attractive drama-free single women or couples who like a chat and a glass of wine as a pre-condition. Terms and Conditions obviously apply.

As you can see from our verifications, we like entertaining and being entertained by bi women. Now, anyone knows this is unicorn land. We've proved they exist, but lots more stalk the fields, hedges, bars and more importantly, bedrooms of East Anglia as part of a couple. Couples being that, come and talk to us too.

We kiss. A lot. So frankly not that keen on smokers, definitely not keen on people who have to be d*unk senseless before they can enjoy themselves.

We've both been here separately - if you’d like to see other people’s opinions of how utterly fantastic we are (obviously....) then have a look at sweetdreams69 and suffolknight.

We have limits: Safe sex only, no matter how "safe" you think you are. We like bi women. A lot. Bi men no.

We both read this. So please, talk to both of us or neither.

Married but on Fabs as single? Great - we're sure your other half would be thrilled to find you're here! No, really!! Your partner probably understands you a lot more than you're comfortable with, but either way, it's not going to be our problem.

We're not married so we're spelling that out, as we've talked to two couples here who are bizarrely bothered about it. Really sorry, but we were sort-of under the impression this was a swinger site, not an ecumenical conference. Obviously our mistake.

Equally obviously, no, you can't use our pictures and Sydney University or any alleged other seat of learning can go and fap itself silly over someone else's pictures, thanks.

He's considerate, polite, charming and adept. She's gorgeous and gushingly willing. We do reply to messages. Come chat with us and maybe we'll all see a lot more of each other very soon. And yes, we use the third person form to write this. Problem?

Oh, one thing. What part of our profile means "we're looking for single guys and transexuals"? I mean, really?

Actually two things: we're fine, thank-you for asking.

Well, three then; (you don't get many posts with semi-colons on here, do you? Plenty of colons, but few semi-colons. Anyway...) asking "what we've been up to" is for what exactly?

Ok four then... Invite us to friend you by all means, but if the only reason you can think of is to show us pictures of your cock then this friendship is unlikely to bloom. And will be measured in nanoseconds.

Happy to show your female partner’s face but insist nobody sees you until they’ve agreed to meet? Get real, Quasimodo. You’re either using your female half as bait (how manly of you!) or you’re totally conceited about your importance or you’re utterly ashamed of being on here in the first place (but happy for your partner’s face to be seen, obviously). Whatever. Go away.

"Hey" is a message that says - well, what, exactly?

Similarly (discuss...) if you just friend invite us without bothering to say anything, please don't be surprised to find yourself blocked without us bothering to say anything. Go and look at someone else's pictures while weeping bitter tears, like every other night.

And would you mind using whole words like 'are' and 'you'? I mean, they're not very big words really, are they? Are they? Hmm?

And relax.

Our interests below are things we like to do sometimes. Not all the time. And definitely not if anyone doesn’t like doing them.

Because we’re really quite nice, actually. No, seriously we are. Almost everyone says so. So be nice, be safe and if you're a bi woman who likes fun company, we'll see you as soon as we can. Until then.

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