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"People talk to me all the time when I'm walking my dog's. When I'm alone never haha. " Same ... when I am alone I am delightfully invisible to most people | |||
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"People talk to me all the time when I'm walking my dog's. When I'm alone never haha. Same ... when I am alone I am delightfully invisible to most people" I suppose it's easier they have a talking point but I don't mind that I'm left alone to be honest. | |||
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"I have seen on another forum site a thread about this. Now as mainly females . 90% or the replies stated . No male should ever be allowed start up a conversation with a female . Unwanted harassment. Basically because just want sex? Some replies were asking how males , females going to actually meet if this happens? " I don't know what kind of nonsense you're reading because reasonable women don't view a man simply talking to them as harassment | |||
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"I have seen on another forum site a thread about this. Now as mainly females . 90% or the replies stated . No male should ever be allowed start up a conversation with a female . Unwanted harassment. Basically because just want sex? Some replies were asking how males , females going to actually meet if this happens? I don't know what kind of nonsense you're reading because reasonable women don't view a man simply talking to them as harassment " Well the site has approx 8 million users. Which are from reading on there 95% + females . I will agree that due to lots of threads there. Males are not liked. | |||
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" 99% of the approaches a lot of us women have from men are with the intention of getting sex of some sort. It's a very rare thing for a man to show a woman interest purely as a friend. Why do you think so many men complain about the 'friend zone' and immediately drop contact when they realise the woman they've been talking to sees them platonically " Some of my women friends have been made through work or shared sports/activities. I don't tend to view them sexually as we just have shared interests. Occasionally one has made an out of context flirtatious remark or move, and it's caught me out, leaving me a bit flustered as I just don't see them that way. That can be awkward.... | |||
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" 99% of the approaches a lot of us women have from men are with the intention of getting sex of some sort. It's a very rare thing for a man to show a woman interest purely as a friend. Why do you think so many men complain about the 'friend zone' and immediately drop contact when they realise the woman they've been talking to sees them platonically Some of my women friends have been made through work or shared sports/activities. I don't tend to view them sexually as we just have shared interests. Occasionally one has made an out of context flirtatious remark or move, and it's caught me out, leaving me a bit flustered as I just don't see them that way. That can be awkward...." Yep. Any gender misreading the signs deliberately or unintentionally can be awkward. | |||
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"I don't really understand why gender would come into mind when discussing work issues. We're there to get our work stuff done, being overly conscious of the gender of the person in front of me would make me think that I'm not going about my day right. If the question is being asked, something isn't right." In quite a few previous workplaces gender played a big roll. I worked with a man who would get flirtatious and a bit patronising (hard to explain) in the way he communicated to women. It was quite infuriating to see how he combined flirting with manipulation. Then the second they’re out the room he’d talk about how he believed women in business were “oxygen thieves”. I mention this because, I’m sure most women can pick up on that type of behaviour and therefore have to be on guard, even in work. | |||
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" 99% of the approaches a lot of us women have from men are with the intention of getting sex of some sort. It's a very rare thing for a man to show a woman interest purely as a friend. Why do you think so many men complain about the 'friend zone' and immediately drop contact when they realise the woman they've been talking to sees them platonically " What a ridiculous things to say, and from a Mod too, "99% of the approaches a lot of us women have...". Either qualify your statement or remove it. | |||
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" 99% of the approaches a lot of us women have from men are with the intention of getting sex of some sort. It's a very rare thing for a man to show a woman interest purely as a friend. Why do you think so many men complain about the 'friend zone' and immediately drop contact when they realise the woman they've been talking to sees them platonically " Sorry really dont agree , I chat tonwomen the same as I would a bloke " unless I really fancy them then I just dont ( probably because I have it my head they expect thats what's in my mind ) unfortunately there are lots of women who have that mindset as a confirmed bachelor who who has quite a few male friends I can confirm its not the case , more a case of women automatically assume thats why men approach them , maybe a different situation in swinging clubs etc but there creepy arse places anyway lol | |||
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" 99% of the approaches a lot of us women have from men are with the intention of getting sex of some sort. It's a very rare thing for a man to show a woman interest purely as a friend. Why do you think so many men complain about the 'friend zone' and immediately drop contact when they realise the woman they've been talking to sees them platonically What a ridiculous things to say, and from a Mod too, "99% of the approaches a lot of us women have...". Either qualify your statement or remove it. " Wish I seen this before I posted lol , but THIS 💯 as a man I disagree | |||
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"It's only weird and creepy if they don't fancy you... or if you do it in a weird and creepy way" Yep if you are like "him on the telly" you can say and do anything! | |||
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" 99% of the approaches a lot of us women have from men are with the intention of getting sex of some sort. It's a very rare thing for a man to show a woman interest purely as a friend. Why do you think so many men complain about the 'friend zone' and immediately drop contact when they realise the woman they've been talking to sees them platonically What a ridiculous things to say, and from a Mod too, "99% of the approaches a lot of us women have...". Either qualify your statement or remove it. " I'm allowed to post my private opinions. | |||
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" 99% of the approaches a lot of us women have from men are with the intention of getting sex of some sort. It's a very rare thing for a man to show a woman interest purely as a friend. Why do you think so many men complain about the 'friend zone' and immediately drop contact when they realise the woman they've been talking to sees them platonically Sorry really dont agree , I chat tonwomen the same as I would a bloke " unless I really fancy them then I just dont ( probably because I have it my head they expect thats what's in my mind ) unfortunately there are lots of women who have that mindset as a confirmed bachelor who who has quite a few male friends I can confirm its not the case , more a case of women automatically assume thats why men approach them , maybe a different situation in swinging clubs etc but there creepy arse places anyway lol " Don't assume that because you behave a certain way that all men do. If the cap doesn't fit don't wear it. Please note I said 99% and 'most' women. | |||
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" 99% of the approaches a lot of us women have from men are with the intention of getting sex of some sort. It's a very rare thing for a man to show a woman interest purely as a friend. Why do you think so many men complain about the 'friend zone' and immediately drop contact when they realise the woman they've been talking to sees them platonically What a ridiculous things to say, and from a Mod too, "99% of the approaches a lot of us women have...". Either qualify your statement or remove it. I'm allowed to post my private opinions. " You certainly are , but from a normal blokes point of view its not 99 percent lol , maybe on here and clubs etc ,  | |||
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"This is such a ‘social media’ type of thread! In real life, people just talk to other people! I’ve just come back from town. I’ve chatted to men, women and kids with no other agenda than, hey, we’re humans. Blimey, I spent 15 minutes with a young woman (early 20’s) trying to do our best impression of Homer Simpson, disappearing into the hedge. Isn’t that just normal life?" Who did do the best impression? You can't leave these important details out 😝 | |||
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"This is such a ‘social media’ type of thread! In real life, people just talk to other people! I’ve just come back from town. I’ve chatted to men, women and kids with no other agenda than, hey, we’re humans. Blimey, I spent 15 minutes with a young woman (early 20’s) trying to do our best impression of Homer Simpson, disappearing into the hedge. Isn’t that just normal life?" I think it was once, not so sure now. Getting into your 50s holds some sway too, you start to concern yourself less. I can't help or change the way my words or actions are going to be recieved so as long as they're honest, everything will be OK. | |||
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"I've never been approached in a pub and if I'm with a group of girls they get chatted to before me 🤷🏼♀️ " • That's because you exude 'cocktail bar' vibes. If you were in the iconic Gin Bar in Claridges then a cavalcade of men would be making introductions to you, 'tout de suite'! | |||
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"This is such a ‘social media’ type of thread! In real life, people just talk to other people! I’ve just come back from town. I’ve chatted to men, women and kids with no other agenda than, hey, we’re humans. Blimey, I spent 15 minutes with a young woman (early 20’s) trying to do our best impression of Homer Simpson, disappearing into the hedge. Isn’t that just normal life? Who did do the best impression? You can't leave these important details out 😝" We claimed a draw. I look more like Homer but killed impression falling into the hedge!  | |||
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" 99% of the approaches a lot of us women have from men are with the intention of getting sex of some sort. It's a very rare thing for a man to show a woman interest purely as a friend. Why do you think so many men complain about the 'friend zone' and immediately drop contact when they realise the woman they've been talking to sees them platonically What a ridiculous things to say, and from a Mod too, "99% of the approaches a lot of us women have...". Either qualify your statement or remove it. I'm allowed to post my private opinions. " Opinions are irrelevant if you're making up statistics. | |||
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" 99% of the approaches a lot of us women have from men are with the intention of getting sex of some sort. It's a very rare thing for a man to show a woman interest purely as a friend. Why do you think so many men complain about the 'friend zone' and immediately drop contact when they realise the woman they've been talking to sees them platonically What a ridiculous things to say, and from a Mod too, "99% of the approaches a lot of us women have...". Either qualify your statement or remove it. I'm allowed to post my private opinions. Opinions are irrelevant if you're making up statistics. " The Office of Upmyarse Statistics reports that 87.25% of percentages on forum posts are approximations and that 72.75% of people understand this. | |||
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"If I'm out it's usually for a purpose. I don't need men coming up for a chat to improve their social skills. " Yeah. Most guys are benign - not all, but most - but I'm doing what I'm doing for me, not because I'm waiting to cater to a stranger. And most women know that most men are benign. We're wary, yes, but we've been honing the skills of self preservation since we've been depressingly young. | |||
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"If I'm out it's usually for a purpose. I don't need men coming up for a chat to improve their social skills. Yeah. Most guys are benign - not all, but most - but I'm doing what I'm doing for me, not because I'm waiting to cater to a stranger. And most women know that most men are benign. We're wary, yes, but we've been honing the skills of self preservation since we've been depressingly young. " Agreed. | |||
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" 99% of the approaches a lot of us women have from men are with the intention of getting sex of some sort. It's a very rare thing for a man to show a woman interest purely as a friend. Why do you think so many men complain about the 'friend zone' and immediately drop contact when they realise the woman they've been talking to sees them platonically What a ridiculous things to say, and from a Mod too, "99% of the approaches a lot of us women have...". Either qualify your statement or remove it. I'm allowed to post my private opinions. Opinions are irrelevant if you're making up statistics. " if they'd has said most, would you have accepted it ? The bit to remember is that those approaching for sex could be doing many more approaches. If 50pc of men were approaching for sex and the approached 10x the number of women in a day, then 90pc of approaches are from men looking for sex. Ofc I'm making up the numbers as an example of how a persona experience may differ from simply looking at base rates (Same applies for crime statistics). | |||
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"I doubt anyone read “99%” as a literal statistic. It was obviously hyperbole. The real point is whether many women feel that most approaches they receive from men have a romantic or sexual motive. That’s the discussion, not whether the number was 100% precise. And to be honest, I don’t think men can really tell women they’re wrong about their own experiences. You can argue over whether it’s 99%, but I think most women know exactly what she was getting at. Just because you personally wouldn’t approach women that way doesn’t mean many others don’t." Very true I dident think 99 percent but even if it worded as " most " id still think it a bit harsh Similarly iv seen men say this site is full of fakes or time waisters etc people jump on there backs !? Kinda see a pattern here lol , I go out " a lot " often with groups of men to a large variety of places and I can hand on my heart say I really see it , yes it does happen , but i think ,in fact I know if a men goes upto a women they immediately get shot down before they can even make a conversation because said women or group of women assume there just after a shag lol , and that is a fact This forum though is weird lol even if it is on a sex site " yes it a sex site lol ' not many swingers actually on here , I am amazed by the amount of weird comments get put up by men !! So that I will admit must be crap for the ladies on here | |||
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" 99% of the approaches a lot of us women have from men are with the intention of getting sex of some sort. It's a very rare thing for a man to show a woman interest purely as a friend. Why do you think so many men complain about the 'friend zone' and immediately drop contact when they realise the woman they've been talking to sees them platonically What a ridiculous things to say, and from a Mod too, "99% of the approaches a lot of us women have...". Either qualify your statement or remove it. I'm allowed to post my private opinions. Opinions are irrelevant if you're making up statistics. if they'd has said most, would you have accepted it ? The bit to remember is that those approaching for sex could be doing many more approaches. If 50pc of men were approaching for sex and the approached 10x the number of women in a day, then 90pc of approaches are from men looking for sex. Ofc I'm making up the numbers as an example of how a persona experience may differ from simply looking at base rates (Same applies for crime statistics). " No I would not have accepted it, because it is not acceptable, especially coming from a Forum Mod. It's a terrible statement to make without any verified data. | |||
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"I doubt anyone read “99%” as a literal statistic. It was obviously hyperbole. The real point is whether many women feel that most approaches they receive from men have a romantic or sexual motive. That’s the discussion, not whether the number was 100% precise. And to be honest, I don’t think men can really tell women they’re wrong about their own experiences. You can argue over whether it’s 99%, but I think most women know exactly what she was getting at. Just because you personally wouldn’t approach women that way doesn’t mean many others don’t. Very true I dident think 99 percent but even if it worded as " most " id still think it a bit harsh Similarly iv seen men say this site is full of fakes or time waisters etc people jump on there backs !? Kinda see a pattern here lol , I go out " a lot " often with groups of men to a large variety of places and I can hand on my heart say I really see it , yes it does happen , but i think ,in fact I know if a men goes upto a women they immediately get shot down before they can even make a conversation because said women or group of women assume there just after a shag lol , and that is a fact This forum though is weird lol even if it is on a sex site " yes it a sex site lol ' not many swingers actually on here , I am amazed by the amount of weird comments get put up by men !! So that I will admit must be crap for the ladies on here "Are your friends approaching women hoping to make new platonic friends, genuinely? Why do you think women assume that? | |||
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"Women learn very young how to read the non-verbal cues. If you've a sexual agenda we'll usually pick up on it. If you've a non-sexual agenda but have normalised overstepping boundaries then you'll not get the reaction you believe you're entitled to. Wounded dignity escalates to unpleasantness too often. If you've a non-sexual agenda and approach in a neutral way with a comfortable distance and tone and don't encroach or present conflicting non-verbal cues then women WHO WISH TO BE ENGAGED WITH will interact in a polite impersonal way. Those who simply want to be left alone should be left alone. But we're always alert and on guard for getting it wrong and a person turning." There in lies the problem. Men are generally illiterate when it comes to reading minds. Many women think if any man speaks to them they must fancy them. This is totally NOT TRUE. | |||
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"Women learn very young how to read the non-verbal cues. If you've a sexual agenda we'll usually pick up on it. If you've a non-sexual agenda but have normalised overstepping boundaries then you'll not get the reaction you believe you're entitled to. Wounded dignity escalates to unpleasantness too often. If you've a non-sexual agenda and approach in a neutral way with a comfortable distance and tone and don't encroach or present conflicting non-verbal cues then women WHO WISH TO BE ENGAGED WITH will interact in a polite impersonal way. Those who simply want to be left alone should be left alone. But we're always alert and on guard for getting it wrong and a person turning. There in lies the problem. Men are generally illiterate when it comes to reading minds. Many women think if any man speaks to them they must fancy them. This is totally NOT TRUE." Men know how to interact with people when it suits them to know. No mind reading involved. | |||
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"Approaching them for what reason? If I'm approaching a woman for a specific reason then I find them to be very similar to normal people. " In the UK women outnumber men, so they are the normal people and men are the ones who might be similar to normal people... | |||
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"No one’s saying men need to be mind readers when approaching women. But there’s a difference between not knowing exactly what she’s thinking and just ignoring obvious signals. A lot of communication isn’t just words—tone, body language, and how someone responds matter a lot. So if you approach a woman: *If she’s giving short answers, not really engaging, looking away, or stepping back… she’s probably not interested *If she’s smiling, asking questions, leaning in, then yeah, you can keep going * And if it’s kind of unclear, just keep it respectful and low-pressure It’s really just about basic emotional intelligence, not mind reading. Pay attention, read the room, and respect how she’s responding. If she’s not interested, move on with dignity and respect, don’t downgrade yourself into the problem she was avoiding." I agreed until your last line “don’t downgrade yourself into the problem she was avoiding.” The responsibility goes both ways. There’s no need to label strangers as a problem from the get-go. The burden of emotional intelligence isn’t only on the man, especially in situations where women think normal conversation is flirting, when it’s not. | |||
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" I agreed until your last line “don’t downgrade yourself into the problem she was avoiding.” The responsibility goes both ways. There’s no need to label strangers as a problem from the get-go. The burden of emotional intelligence isn’t only on the man, especially in situations where women think normal conversation is flirting, when it’s not." I get what you’re saying, but that’s not really my point. I don’t assume every man approaching me for normal conversation is flirting or a problem, but I still might not want to engage for a whole host of reasons and that’s fine. If I’m clearly not engaging or I decline, that’s the cue to read the room and move on. And the “downgrading” comment comes from experience. Most women have had men react badly to a polite no at some point, so we have a learnt level of caution. It’s about basic respect, social awareness if a woman doesnt want to engage, move on and don't take ir personally. | |||
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"No one’s saying men need to be mind readers when approaching women. But there’s a difference between not knowing exactly what she’s thinking and just ignoring obvious signals. A lot of communication isn’t just words—tone, body language, and how someone responds matter a lot. So if you approach a woman: *If she’s giving short answers, not really engaging, looking away, or stepping back… she’s probably not interested *If she’s smiling, asking questions, leaning in, then yeah, you can keep going * And if it’s kind of unclear, just keep it respectful and low-pressure It’s really just about basic emotional intelligence, not mind reading. Pay attention, read the room, and respect how she’s responding. If she’s not interested, move on with dignity and respect, don’t downgrade yourself into the problem she was avoiding." Agreed. Most people - including but not limited to men - can do this when it's their boss, a police officer, someone who has power over them. You know when your boss is being short with you, and you use that skill to keep a roof over your head. Somehow, though, they claim impairment when it's someone who does not have power over them. If the consequence is that they're inconsiderate and they annoy someone, they claim it requires mind reading. It doesn't. It's the same skill which you should apply in the same way. | |||
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"No one’s saying men need to be mind readers when approaching women. But there’s a difference between not knowing exactly what she’s thinking and just ignoring obvious signals. A lot of communication isn’t just words—tone, body language, and how someone responds matter a lot. So if you approach a woman: *If she’s giving short answers, not really engaging, looking away, or stepping back… she’s probably not interested *If she’s smiling, asking questions, leaning in, then yeah, you can keep going * And if it’s kind of unclear, just keep it respectful and low-pressure It’s really just about basic emotional intelligence, not mind reading. Pay attention, read the room, and respect how she’s responding. If she’s not interested, move on with dignity and respect, don’t downgrade yourself into the problem she was avoiding." They know how to do this when it's a fellow man but struggle when it's a woman | |||
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"These threads are always predictable and telling." Incel 101 | |||
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"Some men really should be afraid of approaching women in public and coming off as creepy. But that's more about them and their approach and reactions than society itself. I'm quite obviously not interested in engaging when I'm out in public. Big black sunglasses, blatant overear headphones, never making any attempt at eye contact or initiating conversations. Which should mean people leave me in peace. But. People do sometimes still give it a go. Reasonably acceptable starters encountered this past week: I love your outfit, where did you find (x) Oh what a gorgeous dog, how old is he? Unacceptable starters encountered this past week: Nice toes love Cracking legs, what time do they open? The reasonably acceptable ones usually get a short response without breaking my stride or indicating that I want to continue the conversation. Unless it's a woman specifically commenting on the dress so I can show them it has pockets and tell them where it came from, but then continuing walking. Only creeps keep pushing past that 💜" So much. The person you're talking to has to get something out of the conversation. If you don't, stop. (It's why I do the hit and run compliment, personally. I love your lipstick and I need nothing else from you. Hopefully I make you smile, but no obligation. Although stopping strangers in the street is a different barrel of fish) | |||
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"So much. The person you're talking to has to get something out of the conversation. If you don't, stop. (It's why I do the hit and run compliment, personally. I love your lipstick and I need nothing else from you. Hopefully I make you smile, but no obligation. Although stopping strangers in the street is a different barrel of fish)" The fly by compliment is the only time I initiate contact with someone. Their makeup or hair or nails or outfit look amazing? I'm gonna give them a direct compliment (on the choice they've made rather than their physical attributes) and move on immediately so they know I'm not trying to use it as an in. And never when someone is just walking past 💜 | |||
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"The online videos where a guy educates women on how they ought to be more approachable. Telling them that wearing headphones etc is antisocial... Eh, hello.... *taps mic... is this on?.... " Yeah. Never ever thought about how my big honking headphones make it harder for people to bother me. Thank you, kind sir, for telling me how to behave. I am actually five years old and I've never been in public before 🤭 | |||
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"The online videos where a guy educates women on how they ought to be more approachable. Telling them that wearing headphones etc is antisocial... Eh, hello.... *taps mic... is this on?.... Yeah. Never ever thought about how my big honking headphones make it harder for people to bother me. Thank you, kind sir, for telling me how to behave. I am actually five years old and I've never been in public before 🤭" "You're not being very social." "Correct." 💜 | |||
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"The online videos where a guy educates women on how they ought to be more approachable. Telling them that wearing headphones etc is antisocial... Eh, hello.... *taps mic... is this on?.... Yeah. Never ever thought about how my big honking headphones make it harder for people to bother me. Thank you, kind sir, for telling me how to behave. I am actually five years old and I've never been in public before 🤭 "You're not being very social." "Correct." 💜" You can get dog leads with "caution no sociable" type things on them ..... perhaps us ladies could wear a big badge to help the men folk know which of us are friendly and sociable | |||
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"You can get dog leads with "caution no sociable" type things on them ..... perhaps us ladies could wear a big badge to help the men folk know which of us are friendly and sociable" I think the lived experience of being informed that my "I don't want to be approached" signs just makes them need to interrupt my day to tell me I'm not being friendly enough says that they'd do the exact same thing with the words right in front of them 💜 | |||
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"I can’t speak for other men, but I find I can comfortably approach women and say hello. If they’re not wanting to talk, then leave it as that and walk away, nothing more nothing less. " It's not difficult is it | |||
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"If you get something suitably fragrant the women will approach you 🌻" Lynx? | |||
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"I can’t speak for other men, but I find I can comfortably approach women and say hello. If they’re not wanting to talk, then leave it as that and walk away, nothing more nothing less. It's not difficult is it " It’s really not, but sadly in this day & age, it seems like it is. | |||
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"If you get something suitably fragrant the women will approach you 🌻 Lynx? " Sugar water. Also: wear yellow. Guaranteed attention. | |||
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"If you get something suitably fragrant the women will approach you 🌻 Lynx? Sugar water. Also: wear yellow. Guaranteed attention." From wasps  | |||
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"The online videos where a guy educates women on how they ought to be more approachable. Telling them that wearing headphones etc is antisocial... Eh, hello.... *taps mic... is this on?.... Yeah. Never ever thought about how my big honking headphones make it harder for people to bother me. Thank you, kind sir, for telling me how to behave. I am actually five years old and I've never been in public before 🤭 "You're not being very social." "Correct." 💜 You can get dog leads with "caution no sociable" type things on them ..... perhaps us ladies could wear a big badge to help the men folk know which of us are friendly and sociable" Could you imagine? "No, you won't bite, you just need the right man to talk to you" "Wearing those signs isn't very nice" "You'll never find a man if you wear signs like that" "What's a pretty girl like you doing wearing a sign like that?" | |||
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