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"Apologies for the rant I needed to vent." It's OK let it out You still look good to me | |||
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"Apologies for the rant I needed to vent." Never any need to apologise for a rant gorgeous 
Your body is changing. It happens darling. Please don’t let others really quite inconsiderate comments affect your love for yourself.
You are beautiful  | |||
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"Why do people think it's ok to mention this?! I've struggled with pilling on the lbs after switching meds, it's got me down and knocked my confidence a lot, however recently I've been really trying to like myself, I've bought new clothes, sexy dress I wore to the club, even new lingere & I started to feel ok....not quite confident but accepted I'm bigger - then someone has to say something, I've had a family member ask if I'm pregnant (nope just fatter) and old friend ask the same and then yesterday after I was so close to feeling good about myself again another felt the need to comment on my weight - like just fuck off!! Why do people do this.... I've always been a size 8 forever I'm now a 14 yes I look different and I myself am not used to it, but my god it knocks your confidence when people point it out. I actually felt like I looked good for ladies night at a club a few weeks back in my dress & I haven't felt like that for a long time - now I'm back to meh...." It's such a rude thing to comment on; I can't imagine any reason to point it out that isn't an attempt at negging or just plain asshattery. I'm sorry to hear you've been on the receiving end of it. | |||
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Right now I keep being told I'm looking too thin. A few years ago, when on sertraline, it was "are you eating a bit much, perhaps?". | |||
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"I'm kinda conflicted on this. On one had bitch stfu and mind your business On the hand I think we should be normalising weight gain and loss and not have it as something to be ashamed about. But mainly ya tell them to stfu" I agree that weight gain/loss shouldn't be a big deal, but that's precisely why it doesn't make any sense to mention it to someone. What value is there in telling someone their scale number is a bit higher than it was before? It doesn't facilitate any kind of positive interaction. | |||
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"Apologies for the rant I needed to vent." I bet that's a big weight off! (I'll see myself out!) Seriously though, never apologise for needing to vent some emotion that is building up inside, so long as it is controlled and released in the correct way. | |||
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"That's crappy and something my family are only too keen to do, too
Right now I keep being told I'm looking too thin. A few years ago, when on sertraline, it was "are you eating a bit much, perhaps?". "Same I got it too when I was skinny, always you look ill, you should eat more etc, there's like no winning at all. | |||
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"I'm kinda conflicted on this. On one had bitch stfu and mind your business On the hand I think we should be normalising weight gain and loss and not have it as something to be ashamed about. But mainly ya tell them to stfu I agree that weight gain/loss shouldn't be a big deal, but that's precisely why it doesn't make any sense to mention it to someone. What value is there in telling someone their scale number is a bit higher than it was before? It doesn't facilitate any kind of positive interaction." Ya that's actually fair. It's not the best route to acceptance. I change my answer to 100% STFU | |||
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"Horrible isn't it? I had a friend poke my stomach and make a comment after I put on weight due to medication. Like yourself, I'd always been very slim before. " Oh no, my dad actually did the same poked my stomach upon asking if I was expecting again, it's just so god dam rude isn't it!! Sorry you've had this too! | |||
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"Why do people think it's ok to mention this?! I've struggled with pilling on the lbs after switching meds, it's got me down and knocked my confidence a lot, however recently I've been really trying to like myself, I've bought new clothes, sexy dress I wore to the club, even new lingere & I started to feel ok....not quite confident but accepted I'm bigger - then someone has to say something, I've had a family member ask if I'm pregnant (nope just fatter) and old friend ask the same and then yesterday after I was so close to feeling good about myself again another felt the need to comment on my weight - like just fuck off!! Why do people do this.... I've always been a size 8 forever I'm now a 14 yes I look different and I myself am not used to it, but my god it knocks your confidence when people point it out. I actually felt like I looked good for ladies night at a club a few weeks back in my dress & I haven't felt like that for a long time - now I'm back to meh...." Some people are just rude unfortunately. Average UK dress size is 16. | |||
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"I get where you’re coming from but I’d rather people tell me. Sometimes I don’t notice and need someone to call me a fat cunt to get me to sort myself out." My clothes not fitting are enough to notice without anyone telling me it's just set me right back! | |||
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"I get where you’re coming from but I’d rather people tell me. Sometimes I don’t notice and need someone to call me a fat cunt to get me to sort myself out." Really? I put on 15kg after switching medication last year and I could definitely tell, even without looking in the mirror. It feels different, and clothes no longer fit. I definitely wouldn't need someone to let me know. | |||
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"Why do people think it's ok to mention this?! I've struggled with pilling on the lbs after switching meds, it's got me down and knocked my confidence a lot, however recently I've been really trying to like myself, I've bought new clothes, sexy dress I wore to the club, even new lingere & I started to feel ok....not quite confident but accepted I'm bigger - then someone has to say something, I've had a family member ask if I'm pregnant (nope just fatter) and old friend ask the same and then yesterday after I was so close to feeling good about myself again another felt the need to comment on my weight - like just fuck off!! Why do people do this.... I've always been a size 8 forever I'm now a 14 yes I look different and I myself am not used to it, but my god it knocks your confidence when people point it out. I actually felt like I looked good for ladies night at a club a few weeks back in my dress & I haven't felt like that for a long time - now I'm back to meh...." 
People think they are entitled to say stupid stuff without thought about how it impacts on you.
Ignore it, smile and remember you can change your weight but they can't change being a cunt...
You look great BTW x | |||
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"Why do people think it's ok to mention this?! I've struggled with pilling on the lbs after switching meds, it's got me down and knocked my confidence a lot, however recently I've been really trying to like myself, I've bought new clothes, sexy dress I wore to the club, even new lingere & I started to feel ok....not quite confident but accepted I'm bigger - then someone has to say something, I've had a family member ask if I'm pregnant (nope just fatter) and old friend ask the same and then yesterday after I was so close to feeling good about myself again another felt the need to comment on my weight - like just fuck off!! Why do people do this.... I've always been a size 8 forever I'm now a 14 yes I look different and I myself am not used to it, but my god it knocks your confidence when people point it out. I actually felt like I looked good for ladies night at a club a few weeks back in my dress & I haven't felt like that for a long time - now I'm back to meh...." Some people just don’t think and are just plain rude! You look great, in a non bi way lol x | |||
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"Apologies for the rant I needed to vent." Always good to get it out OP, You have a gorgeous figure, | |||
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"It's really not acceptable and some people are utterly devoid of tact. You look wonderful but it must be hard when you're so used to seeing yourself a different way. And you're fighting against years of internalised fat/body shaming. J" It's hard when what you see in the mirror isn't you anymore, then it just makes it worse when people comment on it too | |||
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"First off. You're fucking gorgeous. Second, people somehow tend to think it's alright to comment on women that way. Oh you'd look so much prettier if you smiled. Wow if you just dropped a few pounds you'd be stunning. Oh that haircut makes you look so manly why don't you go for something more feminine? All the people who think these things are okay to just say to someone who never asked for their opinion can go eat a bag of dicks "Thank prey, you are right people pick on so much that isn't called for at all. Maybe I should reply with "eat a bag of dicks"  | |||
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"I get where you’re coming from but I’d rather people tell me. Sometimes I don’t notice and need someone to call me a fat cunt to get me to sort myself out. My clothes not fitting are enough to notice without anyone telling me it's just set me right back! "It is rude especially if that person doesn’t know you well enough to know how you might react. I need someone to call me a fat cunt now. I haven’t been to the gym this week | |||
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"That's crappy and something my family are only too keen to do, too
Right now I keep being told I'm looking too thin. A few years ago, when on sertraline, it was "are you eating a bit much, perhaps?".
Same I got it too when I was skinny, always you look ill, you should eat more etc, there's like no winning at all."This!! I was the too skinny-underweight/ nutrient-deficient person. So now I actually enjoy being fat/obese! I never had curves before, I always thought of myself as weak and I'd suffer from bouts of low blood sugar. It was medication that made me fat..so I didn't get bigger on my own. Now I've stopped the medication I'm anxious about going back to malnutrition again. I'm just trying to focus on being as healthy as possible, mentally and physically. Despite my obese BMI, I'm physically active enough to burn about 2700 calories a day. I have no obesity-related health issues apart from a bit of hip pain from an old knee injury received when I was thin! I think I injured my knee because I had no muscle strength to keep my knee in the correct position with my flat feet. No muscle strength because I was thin, not exercising and nutrient deficient. Health before all these silly people who think you should look a certain way. After finding out I'm autistic, I'm learning to unmask and tell people exactly how I feel and think especially when they open their mouths to comment on my body, brain performance or stemming. Mostly they should leave me alone to let me get on with what I need to be getting on with and I tell my managers this. " please don't micromanage me and call and interrupt me every few minutes because it ramps up my anxiety." Please don't make negative comments and jokes about my body to make me feel uncomfortable! I'm learning that if people make me uncomfortable, tell them they are doing it. Either so they stop or they remove themselves from my presence. I recommend it. Why should you suffer when they think it's perfectly ok to make you uncomfortable in your own skin!! | |||
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"For the last few years I have been struggling with my weight three times a week, cutting back on alcohol, eating healthy, just breakfast and evening meal . The occasional treat " Your body looks great to me. As long as you are healthy. what does your GP say? I'm technically obese but my GP isn't chasing me down with weight loss drugs because I have no obesity-related health conditions. It's entertaining when they take my blood pressure and find out that it's not sky high and it is that of a teenager. Even my mother ( a retired nurse) was shocked. | |||
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"First off. You're fucking gorgeous. Second, people somehow tend to think it's alright to comment on women that way. Oh you'd look so much prettier if you smiled. Wow if you just dropped a few pounds you'd be stunning. Oh that haircut makes you look so manly why don't you go for something more feminine? All the people who think these things are okay to just say to someone who never asked for their opinion can go eat a bag of dicks
Thank prey, you are right people pick on so much that isn't called for at all.
Maybe I should reply with "eat a bag of dicks" "Slight problem--if I like eating a bag of dicks. Lol!  | |||
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"For the last few years I have been struggling with my weight three times a week, cutting back on alcohol, eating healthy, just breakfast and evening meal . The occasional treat " I'm trying to cut back although there isn't much to cut back on, I usually skip lunch for coffee instead, I don't do breakfast I have the odd treats but try and pick something low in calories like a few haribo type sweets, the sugar cravings are my worst thing. | |||
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"Why do people think it's ok to mention this?! I've struggled with pilling on the lbs after switching meds, it's got me down and knocked my confidence a lot, however recently I've been really trying to like myself, I've bought new clothes, sexy dress I wore to the club, even new lingere & I started to feel ok....not quite confident but accepted I'm bigger - then someone has to say something, I've had a family member ask if I'm pregnant (nope just fatter) and old friend ask the same and then yesterday after I was so close to feeling good about myself again another felt the need to comment on my weight - like just fuck off!! Why do people do this.... I've always been a size 8 forever I'm now a 14 yes I look different and I myself am not used to it, but my god it knocks your confidence when people point it out. I actually felt like I looked good for ladies night at a club a few weeks back in my dress & I haven't felt like that for a long time - now I'm back to meh...." Because they are friends and care about you. Weight loss and weight gains are significant . Fuck knows I've put a load on and you are right it's really bad on your mental health. But just imagine how good you'll feel when you manage to control it again? Real friends care and say what needs to be said. | |||
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"I get where you’re coming from but I’d rather people tell me. Sometimes I don’t notice and need someone to call me a fat cunt to get me to sort myself out. My clothes not fitting are enough to notice without anyone telling me it's just set me right back!
It is rude especially if that person doesn’t know you well enough to know how you might react. I need someone to call me a fat cunt now. I haven’t been to the gym this week "As someone who has a fat cunt, going to the gym will not reduce it in size. Lol! As a technically obese person, I check my Fitbit and health markers regularly. 1. steps walked 2. hours slept 3. daily protein eated ( needed for the perimenopause muscle loss) 4. vitamins and minerals ( iron and vitamin D like to drop quarterly) 5. blood pressure ( that of a teenager) 6. blood sugar ( yo-yos) 7. blood cholesterol ( yo-yos) 8. ECG ( I took mental health medication that can damage the heart) 9. Liver and kidneys ( ok -Schoolmate died at 30 from renal failure) 
As long as those are ok, I refuse to obsess over my weight. My mental health of a challenge for me. hugs. | |||
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"Why do people think it's ok to mention this?! I've struggled with pilling on the lbs after switching meds, it's got me down and knocked my confidence a lot, however recently I've been really trying to like myself, I've bought new clothes, sexy dress I wore to the club, even new lingere & I started to feel ok....not quite confident but accepted I'm bigger - then someone has to say something, I've had a family member ask if I'm pregnant (nope just fatter) and old friend ask the same and then yesterday after I was so close to feeling good about myself again another felt the need to comment on my weight - like just fuck off!! Why do people do this.... I've always been a size 8 forever I'm now a 14 yes I look different and I myself am not used to it, but my god it knocks your confidence when people point it out. I actually felt like I looked good for ladies night at a club a few weeks back in my dress & I haven't felt like that for a long time - now I'm back to meh.... Because they are friends and care about you. Weight loss and weight gains are significant . Fuck knows I've put a load on and you are right it's really bad on your mental health. But just imagine how good you'll feel when you manage to control it again? Real friends care and say what needs to be said. " If they were real friends they'd have known my internal struggles with myself, the self loathing, the alien looking back in the mirror, the unhappiness it's caused and mental draining to not add to it with pointing out the obvious. | |||
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"It's rude to mention people's appearance in anything but a complimentary sense. Unless you're a medical professional, genuinely concerned individual or your opinion has been directly sought out. Otherwise keep your darn mouth closed " Good idea to stick to compliments! I discuss my weight with my GP, my fitness trainer, my mental health peer support group and my psychotherapist. Anyone else could be a real hindrance to mental and physical health. I don't need to be pressured about my weight when PMS, Perimenopause and whatever respiratory virus I've currently got is kicking my ass. Lol! 
since I'm learning to unmask, if they say something they are likely to get an earful of cringe worthy information of my bodily ablutions.
Works on my (male) managers at work. Stops them in their tracks. | |||
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"If they were real friends they'd have known my internal struggles with myself, the self loathing, the alien looking back in the mirror, the unhappiness it's caused and mental draining to not add to it with pointing out the obvious." The casual cruelty of some people astounds me sometimes, honestly. Is there anything at all any of us could do to help you feel better? | |||
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"Why do people think it's ok to mention this?! I've struggled with pilling on the lbs after switching meds, it's got me down and knocked my confidence a lot, however recently I've been really trying to like myself, I've bought new clothes, sexy dress I wore to the club, even new lingere & I started to feel ok....not quite confident but accepted I'm bigger - then someone has to say something, I've had a family member ask if I'm pregnant (nope just fatter) and old friend ask the same and then yesterday after I was so close to feeling good about myself again another felt the need to comment on my weight - like just fuck off!! Why do people do this.... I've always been a size 8 forever I'm now a 14 yes I look different and I myself am not used to it, but my god it knocks your confidence when people point it out. I actually felt like I looked good for ladies night at a club a few weeks back in my dress & I haven't felt like that for a long time - now I'm back to meh.... Because they are friends and care about you. Weight loss and weight gains are significant . Fuck knows I've put a load on and you are right it's really bad on your mental health. But just imagine how good you'll feel when you manage to control it again? Real friends care and say what needs to be said. If they were real friends they'd have known my internal struggles with myself, the self loathing, the alien looking back in the mirror, the unhappiness it's caused and mental draining to not add to it with pointing out the obvious." Have you spoken to your friends about how you feel about your changing self? | |||
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"Why do people think it's ok to mention this?! I've struggled with pilling on the lbs after switching meds, it's got me down and knocked my confidence a lot, however recently I've been really trying to like myself, I've bought new clothes, sexy dress I wore to the club, even new lingere & I started to feel ok....not quite confident but accepted I'm bigger - then someone has to say something, I've had a family member ask if I'm pregnant (nope just fatter) and old friend ask the same and then yesterday after I was so close to feeling good about myself again another felt the need to comment on my weight - like just fuck off!! Why do people do this.... I've always been a size 8 forever I'm now a 14 yes I look different and I myself am not used to it, but my god it knocks your confidence when people point it out. I actually felt like I looked good for ladies night at a club a few weeks back in my dress & I haven't felt like that for a long time - now I'm back to meh.... Because they are friends and care about you. Weight loss and weight gains are significant . Fuck knows I've put a load on and you are right it's really bad on your mental health. But just imagine how good you'll feel when you manage to control it again? Real friends care and say what needs to be said. If they were real friends they'd have known my internal struggles with myself, the self loathing, the alien looking back in the mirror, the unhappiness it's caused and mental draining to not add to it with pointing out the obvious." Not to mention real friends are likely to have known if you were pregnant. Or that real friends who are coming from a place of love and care don't broach the subject of weight gain by glibly asking if you're pregnant 
My mother likes to take photos of me from the most unflattering angles to shame me into losing weight | |||
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"Why do people think it's ok to mention this?! I've struggled with pilling on the lbs after switching meds, it's got me down and knocked my confidence a lot, however recently I've been really trying to like myself, I've bought new clothes, sexy dress I wore to the club, even new lingere & I started to feel ok....not quite confident but accepted I'm bigger - then someone has to say something, I've had a family member ask if I'm pregnant (nope just fatter) and old friend ask the same and then yesterday after I was so close to feeling good about myself again another felt the need to comment on my weight - like just fuck off!! Why do people do this.... I've always been a size 8 forever I'm now a 14 yes I look different and I myself am not used to it, but my god it knocks your confidence when people point it out. I actually felt like I looked good for ladies night at a club a few weeks back in my dress & I haven't felt like that for a long time - now I'm back to meh.... Because they are friends and care about you. Weight loss and weight gains are significant . Fuck knows I've put a load on and you are right it's really bad on your mental health. But just imagine how good you'll feel when you manage to control it again? Real friends care and say what needs to be said. " There's a way to say it without compromising the person's sense of worth. Hands up that I often put my hand/foot in mouth. But I do apologise when I realise my mistake and I NEED TO BE told....it's part autistic part the way I was raised so I have to re-learn a lot of communication. We can say "How's your health? What has your GP said? How are you feeling? What are you thinking? Do you want to go for a walk/bike ride/swim/gym class together?" I have a lot of peers with incurable health conditions. There's no point to pointing out the condition but more asking what steps/actions they and we can take, that makes them feel better physically and mentally. | |||
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"Why do people think it's ok to mention this?! I've struggled with pilling on the lbs after switching meds, it's got me down and knocked my confidence a lot, however recently I've been really trying to like myself, I've bought new clothes, sexy dress I wore to the club, even new lingere & I started to feel ok....not quite confident but accepted I'm bigger - then someone has to say something, I've had a family member ask if I'm pregnant (nope just fatter) and old friend ask the same and then yesterday after I was so close to feeling good about myself again another felt the need to comment on my weight - like just fuck off!! Why do people do this.... I've always been a size 8 forever I'm now a 14 yes I look different and I myself am not used to it, but my god it knocks your confidence when people point it out. I actually felt like I looked good for ladies night at a club a few weeks back in my dress & I haven't felt like that for a long time - now I'm back to meh.... Because they are friends and care about you. Weight loss and weight gains are significant . Fuck knows I've put a load on and you are right it's really bad on your mental health. But just imagine how good you'll feel when you manage to control it again? Real friends care and say what needs to be said. If they were real friends they'd have known my internal struggles with myself, the self loathing, the alien looking back in the mirror, the unhappiness it's caused and mental draining to not add to it with pointing out the obvious." Well that's also true. And I very much recognise the mental anguish and problems it causes. I just think often it's better for us to hear the truth from friends than not to be hear it. Having the hard conversations rather than the easy ones. What would be even better is if they can then help you in howver way to cope with it and ideally to help it move back on the right direction again. Only one of mine has said to me.... "you say you want to lose weight so why are you eating that?" to me... Hard to hear but I wish more of them would help. Anyway... No offence intended. I wish you well with it. | |||
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"Why do people think it's ok to mention this?! I've struggled with pilling on the lbs after switching meds, it's got me down and knocked my confidence a lot, however recently I've been really trying to like myself, I've bought new clothes, sexy dress I wore to the club, even new lingere & I started to feel ok....not quite confident but accepted I'm bigger - then someone has to say something, I've had a family member ask if I'm pregnant (nope just fatter) and old friend ask the same and then yesterday after I was so close to feeling good about myself again another felt the need to comment on my weight - like just fuck off!! Why do people do this.... I've always been a size 8 forever I'm now a 14 yes I look different and I myself am not used to it, but my god it knocks your confidence when people point it out. I actually felt like I looked good for ladies night at a club a few weeks back in my dress & I haven't felt like that for a long time - now I'm back to meh.... Because they are friends and care about you. Weight loss and weight gains are significant . Fuck knows I've put a load on and you are right it's really bad on your mental health. But just imagine how good you'll feel when you manage to control it again? Real friends care and say what needs to be said. If they were real friends they'd have known my internal struggles with myself, the self loathing, the alien looking back in the mirror, the unhappiness it's caused and mental draining to not add to it with pointing out the obvious. Not to mention real friends are likely to have known if you were pregnant. Or that real friends who are coming from a place of love and care don't broach the subject of weight gain by glibly asking if you're pregnant
My mother likes to take photos of me from the most unflattering angles to shame me into losing weight "Every time I see my mother " you've put on weight" Your face is fat....Lol! This is why I only see her once a year and I'm not going for a visit this year. Lol! I need a break from that energy. | |||
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"Why do people think it's ok to mention this?! I've struggled with pilling on the lbs after switching meds, it's got me down and knocked my confidence a lot, however recently I've been really trying to like myself, I've bought new clothes, sexy dress I wore to the club, even new lingere & I started to feel ok....not quite confident but accepted I'm bigger - then someone has to say something, I've had a family member ask if I'm pregnant (nope just fatter) and old friend ask the same and then yesterday after I was so close to feeling good about myself again another felt the need to comment on my weight - like just fuck off!! Why do people do this.... I've always been a size 8 forever I'm now a 14 yes I look different and I myself am not used to it, but my god it knocks your confidence when people point it out. I actually felt like I looked good for ladies night at a club a few weeks back in my dress & I haven't felt like that for a long time - now I'm back to meh.... Because they are friends and care about you. Weight loss and weight gains are significant . Fuck knows I've put a load on and you are right it's really bad on your mental health. But just imagine how good you'll feel when you manage to control it again? Real friends care and say what needs to be said. If they were real friends they'd have known my internal struggles with myself, the self loathing, the alien looking back in the mirror, the unhappiness it's caused and mental draining to not add to it with pointing out the obvious. Well that's also true. And I very much recognise the mental anguish and problems it causes. I just think often it's better for us to hear the truth from friends than not to be hear it. Having the hard conversations rather than the easy ones. What would be even better is if they can then help you in howver way to cope with it and ideally to help it move back on the right direction again. Only one of mine has said to me.... "you say you want to lose weight so why are you eating that?" to me... Hard to hear but I wish more of them would help. Anyway... No offence intended. I wish you well with it. " I'm very sensitive to criticism. I need constructive criticism or nothing. I decided not to treat my friends and family members as trained professionals in my health, mental or physical. Even my mother the retired nurse because her emotional connection to me clouds her professional judgement. The people who have helped me the most in my life have been professionals so I go with that. My friends and family are there for my sense of connection, belonging and a social life. Crisis? not so much. | |||
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"Why do people think it's ok to mention this?! I've struggled with pilling on the lbs after switching meds, it's got me down and knocked my confidence a lot, however recently I've been really trying to like myself, I've bought new clothes, sexy dress I wore to the club, even new lingere & I started to feel ok....not quite confident but accepted I'm bigger - then someone has to say something, I've had a family member ask if I'm pregnant (nope just fatter) and old friend ask the same and then yesterday after I was so close to feeling good about myself again another felt the need to comment on my weight - like just fuck off!! Why do people do this.... I've always been a size 8 forever I'm now a 14 yes I look different and I myself am not used to it, but my god it knocks your confidence when people point it out. I actually felt like I looked good for ladies night at a club a few weeks back in my dress & I haven't felt like that for a long time - now I'm back to meh...." I know this is coming from a stranger, and tbh it's not easy advice to follow anyways, but here goes... You look amazing, life is about feeling comfortable in your own skin, but the issue isn't because of anything you have done, it's a medical thing, and if the new meds give you an improvement in whatever they are being used for, then it's a small price to pay. It may have knocked your confidence, but it certainly hasn't knocked your appearance, only your self image. The next time somebody feels the need to bring it up, either walk away, or tell them where they can shove thwir comment. | |||
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don't forget to smile - it's important to be polite. | |||
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"Apologies for the rant I needed to vent." You look lovely don't worry about what others think just stay positive, I eat healthy but I've put on weight I used to keep it in check with sport but at the minute I can't so its things like getting a wetsuit on that highlight it . | |||
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"If they were real friends they'd have known my internal struggles with myself, the self loathing, the alien looking back in the mirror, the unhappiness it's caused and mental draining to not add to it with pointing out the obvious. The casual cruelty of some people astounds me sometimes, honestly. Is there anything at all any of us could do to help you feel better?" Thank you, that's really kind, but no it's something I need to work on myself. | |||
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"Just for a different perspective. When I got told that I had put weight on, I actually appreciated it. I genuinely hadn't realised, it was a bit of a rude awakening. I jumped back into the gym, got on a good diet for 4 months and the weight fell off. If you are comfortable I'm yourself then who cares what people say. If you are not then start exercising and dieting (happy to PM you the plan I got given). For the record, we both think you look great, very hot. Sarah xx" I can see it if maybe you have put a little on it maybe not noticeable to you, however 4 stone & 3 dress sizes is extremely noticeable - there's no way at all I needed telling. I'm not comfortable with myself, maybe if I was it wouldn't bother me so much. Tips appreciated though | |||
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"If they were real friends they'd have known my internal struggles with myself, the self loathing, the alien looking back in the mirror, the unhappiness it's caused and mental draining to not add to it with pointing out the obvious. The casual cruelty of some people astounds me sometimes, honestly. Is there anything at all any of us could do to help you feel better? Thank you, that's really kind, but no it's something I need to work on myself. "That's entirely fair, and understandable. For what little it's worth, you look absolutely incredibly in your photos. I wish you all the luck in the world working through this, and hope that asshats will stop sabotaging your efforts. | |||
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"Apologies for the rant I needed to vent." honestly, you look amazing just as you are, right now ????? jus’ saying.. | |||
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"Dear Mrs. KOTCT You are beautiful. Next time someone is mindless or a little thoughtless..... Smile widely at them and hug them whilst saying ..... yes I have, thank you for noticing. Don't swallow their remark so that it burns. ( I did once finish it off with and you have got cuntier - but I really didn't like that person and forgot myself for a moment ) " I just replied (to the pregnant ones) - no I'm just fat now & to the weight ones yes I have - so? But you are right I shouldn't let it bother me. | |||
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"…however I'll stick to their pricks for saying it." Noted | |||
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"Why do people think it's ok to mention this?! I've struggled with pilling on the lbs after switching meds, it's got me down and knocked my confidence a lot, however recently I've been really trying to like myself, I've bought new clothes, sexy dress I wore to the club, even new lingere & I started to feel ok....not quite confident but accepted I'm bigger - then someone has to say something, I've had a family member ask if I'm pregnant (nope just fatter) and old friend ask the same and then yesterday after I was so close to feeling good about myself again another felt the need to comment on my weight - like just fuck off!! Why do people do this.... I've always been a size 8 forever I'm now a 14 yes I look different and I myself am not used to it, but my god it knocks your confidence when people point it out. I actually felt like I looked good for ladies night at a club a few weeks back in my dress & I haven't felt like that for a long time - now I'm back to meh...." Most people lack emotional maturity and consideration and just make observations without understanding it might offend - ignorance. But maybe it's something to do with the dynamic you have with those people, maybe through the interactions you had with them, it made them think it's ok to say that...maybe you commented on their appearance on one point and they thought it's ok to do the same...or maybe they are just horrible people- who knows (there are so many variables)... the human mind is a complicated one. The important thing is when you look in the mirror you are happy with what you see, and if you don't- it's your responsibility to change that. Hope you are ok  | |||
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"Overthinking properly just small talk." OP's only talked about the real, tangible effect those comments have on her, so what are you suggesting she's overthinking? | |||
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"There's a barrister I follow on Instagram who gives advice on how to respond assertively to various situations - for when someone is rude he suggested the following responses which I thought could be quite effective: And that's supposed to make me feel better? Did you really say that out loud? Did you mean for that to be insulting? " Great responses, acknowledging the abrasiveness of the comments diplomatically while inviting an explanation on why they say what they say. Before I make comments to people I ask myself Do I know it to be true? Is it necessary? Is it kind | |||
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Not just saying that either!!! Nice curves = more fun xxxx | |||
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"There's a barrister I follow on Instagram who gives advice on how to respond assertively to various situations - for when someone is rude he suggested the following responses which I thought could be quite effective: And that's supposed to make me feel better? Did you really say that out loud? Did you mean for that to be insulting? Great responses, acknowledging the abrasiveness of the comments diplomatically while inviting an explanation on why they say what they say. Before I make comments to people I ask myself Do I know it to be true? Is it necessary? Is it kind " I have a similar approach when someone makes a hurtful comment and uses the "it was just a joke" defence, by saying "Okay, please explain the punchline to me." | |||
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"Why do people think it's ok to mention this?! I've struggled with pilling on the lbs after switching meds, it's got me down and knocked my confidence a lot, however recently I've been really trying to like myself, I've bought new clothes, sexy dress I wore to the club, even new lingere & I started to feel ok....not quite confident but accepted I'm bigger - then someone has to say something, I've had a family member ask if I'm pregnant (nope just fatter) and old friend ask the same and then yesterday after I was so close to feeling good about myself again another felt the need to comment on my weight - like just fuck off!! Why do people do this.... I've always been a size 8 forever I'm now a 14 yes I look different and I myself am not used to it, but my god it knocks your confidence when people point it out. I actually felt like I looked good for ladies night at a club a few weeks back in my dress & I haven't felt like that for a long time - now I'm back to meh...." You look lovely, seriously. X | |||
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"There's a barrister I follow on Instagram who gives advice on how to respond assertively to various situations - for when someone is rude he suggested the following responses which I thought could be quite effective: And that's supposed to make me feel better? Did you really say that out loud? Did you mean for that to be insulting? Great responses, acknowledging the abrasiveness of the comments diplomatically while inviting an explanation on why they say what they say. Before I make comments to people I ask myself Do I know it to be true? Is it necessary? Is it kind I have a similar approach when someone makes a hurtful comment and uses the "it was just a joke" defence, by saying "Okay, please explain the punchline to me."" I usually look at them deadpan and say 'a joke is only funny if the recipient laugh, maybe you need to work on that delivery' Or my favourite 'if you don't have the mental capacity to understand then it's a waste of my crayons trying to draw you a diagram'  | |||
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"There's a barrister I follow on Instagram who gives advice on how to respond assertively to various situations - for when someone is rude he suggested the following responses which I thought could be quite effective: And that's supposed to make me feel better? Did you really say that out loud? Did you mean for that to be insulting? Great responses, acknowledging the abrasiveness of the comments diplomatically while inviting an explanation on why they say what they say. Before I make comments to people I ask myself Do I know it to be true? Is it necessary? Is it kind I have a similar approach when someone makes a hurtful comment and uses the "it was just a joke" defence, by saying "Okay, please explain the punchline to me." I usually look at them deadpan and say 'a joke is only funny if the recipient laugh, maybe you need to work on that delivery' Or my favourite 'if you don't have the mental capacity to understand then it's a waste of my crayons trying to draw you a diagram' "Both great responses. :D | |||
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"There's a barrister I follow on Instagram who gives advice on how to respond assertively to various situations - for when someone is rude he suggested the following responses which I thought could be quite effective: And that's supposed to make me feel better? Did you really say that out loud? Did you mean for that to be insulting? " Those are great lines!, I might try them with my mum!! | |||
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"Overthinking properly just small talk. OP's only talked about the real, tangible effect those comments have on her, so what are you suggesting she's overthinking?" She was asking why, and I guess it is just a friendly small talk that she is overanalyzing. It was probably not said out of spite. No different to someone saying you have lost weight. | |||
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"Overthinking properly just small talk. OP's only talked about the real, tangible effect those comments have on her, so what are you suggesting she's overthinking? She was asking why, and I guess it is just a friendly small talk that she is overanalyzing. It was probably not said out of spite. No different to someone saying you have lost weight. " Maybe just don’t comment on people’s weight either way? It’s not rocket science | |||
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"There's a barrister I follow on Instagram who gives advice on how to respond assertively to various situations - for when someone is rude he suggested the following responses which I thought could be quite effective: And that's supposed to make me feel better? Did you really say that out loud? Did you mean for that to be insulting? Great responses, acknowledging the abrasiveness of the comments diplomatically while inviting an explanation on why they say what they say. Before I make comments to people I ask myself Do I know it to be true? Is it necessary? Is it kind I have a similar approach when someone makes a hurtful comment and uses the "it was just a joke" defence, by saying "Okay, please explain the punchline to me." I usually look at them deadpan and say 'a joke is only funny if the recipient laugh, maybe you need to work on that delivery' Or my favourite 'if you don't have the mental capacity to understand then it's a waste of my crayons trying to draw you a diagram' "The same guy suggests saying “then do better” when they use the it was a joke excuse and I just love that | |||
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"I never get why people think it's ok to comment on someone's appearance. You look beautiful Mrs KotCT." And yet, you just commented on her appearance  | |||
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"Overthinking properly just small talk. OP's only talked about the real, tangible effect those comments have on her, so what are you suggesting she's overthinking? She was asking why, and I guess it is just a friendly small talk that she is overanalyzing. It was probably not said out of spite. No different to someone saying you have lost weight. Maybe just don’t comment on people’s weight either way? It’s not rocket science " Could go down the road don't comment on anything. The problem isn't comment on weight but how it is said. | |||
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"Maybe that person was concerned about your health and it was an attempt at letting you know...especially if they find it hard to say "hey,I care about your health and you've put a lot of weight on" " They where trying to be nosey and it was a shit poor way to ask if I was pregnant - which they'd have known if I was. | |||
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"Horrible isn't it? I had a friend poke my stomach and make a comment after I put on weight due to medication. Like yourself, I'd always been very slim before. " It sounds like that “friend” was being passive aggressive and deliberately trying to make you feel bad, under the guise of a “joke” | |||
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"I don't get why anyone feels the need. Or to comment on weight loss unless it's mentioned by the person first. As much as most of us like to loose weight it's all the "wow you look amazing" "god look at you!" Comments that make us feel shit when (in most cases) we put that weight back on. Can we normalise not discussing other people's weight full stop. Our very impressionable youngsters hear way more than they should on the matter "See - I often tell people (normally other females at work) that they look great, but I'll say that I love their dress, or that they're looking really good that day. And I genuinely mean that I think they look good. However, I would never comment on weight (either losses or gains) unless they had already brought it up in conversation. | |||
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"Maybe that person was concerned about your health and it was an attempt at letting you know...especially if they find it hard to say "hey,I care about your health and you've put a lot of weight on" They where trying to be nosey and it was a shit poor way to ask if I was pregnant - which they'd have known if I was." If thats the case then cut them from your life | |||
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"I don't get why anyone feels the need. Or to comment on weight loss unless it's mentioned by the person first. As much as most of us like to loose weight it's all the "wow you look amazing" "god look at you!" Comments that make us feel shit when (in most cases) we put that weight back on. Can we normalise not discussing other people's weight full stop. Our very impressionable youngsters hear way more than they should on the matter
See - I often tell people (normally other females at work) that they look great, but I'll say that I love their dress, or that they're looking really good that day. And I genuinely mean that I think they look good.
However, I would never comment on weight (either losses or gains) unless they had already brought it up in conversation."Yes, exactly most treat losing weight as the only way a person is worthy of a "wow you look amazing!" comment. I also compliment people on their outfit or hair, make up there are ways to compliment without referring to their weight or shape | |||
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"I never get why people think it's ok to comment on someone's appearance. You look beautiful Mrs KotCT. And yet, you just commented on her appearance "Fair enough - I’ll qualify that with negatively and out of context. The context being here the OP said her confidence was knocked. But I’d never just drop it in there and certainly never understand why people announce things like you look like you’ve put on weight or you look tired. | |||
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"Maybe that person was concerned about your health and it was an attempt at letting you know...especially if they find it hard to say "hey,I care about your health and you've put a lot of weight on" They where trying to be nosey and it was a shit poor way to ask if I was pregnant - which they'd have known if I was." I see | |||
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"Horrible isn't it? I had a friend poke my stomach and make a comment after I put on weight due to medication. Like yourself, I'd always been very slim before. Oh no, my dad actually did the same poked my stomach upon asking if I was expecting again, it's just so god dam rude isn't it!! Sorry you've had this too!" An uncle commented that I'd got chunky | |||
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"Why do people think it's ok to mention this?! I've struggled with pilling on the lbs after switching meds, it's got me down and knocked my confidence a lot, however recently I've been really trying to like myself, I've bought new clothes, sexy dress I wore to the club, even new lingere & I started to feel ok....not quite confident but accepted I'm bigger - then someone has to say something, I've had a family member ask if I'm pregnant (nope just fatter) and old friend ask the same and then yesterday after I was so close to feeling good about myself again another felt the need to comment on my weight - like just fuck off!! Why do people do this.... I've always been a size 8 forever I'm now a 14 yes I look different and I myself am not used to it, but my god it knocks your confidence when people point it out. I actually felt like I looked good for ladies night at a club a few weeks back in my dress & I haven't felt like that for a long time - now I'm back to meh...." I’ve had this throughout my years, through my teen years I was always very fit & athletic. Then had a traumatic experience, that changed my life. And I got into bad habits, of drinking and getting addicted to pain pills.. Because as I got bigger, started having issues with back / knee pain. It took Me years, to really dial everything back down. And I’ve been sober from pain pills now for a good few years. Last year I lost 56lbs, I felt for the first time in a long time - healthier & happy. Then beginning of the year, went through quite an emotional breakdown. Came out of a long standing relationship, I put about 20lbs back on. Those closest to me, love to point it out that I’ve done “so well” and now I’ve put 20lbs back in, they seem to belittle me about it. I know in myself, I can lose that weight. But the comments are never nice, going through therapy I’ve also accepted things will be what they are. And try to accept who you are, so if you are a man or woman, with stretch marks, with a belly don’t be ashamed of it. Just know your feelings are valid, with the right support & close network you can hopefully get yourself to a better place! And OP, I think you look fabulous chin up lass! X | |||
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, apparently for my weight I should be 8’6”, I’m gonna change doctors… | |||
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"It was my doctor who broke the news to me.. , apparently for my weight I should be 8’6”, I’m gonna change doctors…"Buy high heels | |||
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