FabSwingers.com forum: Real Doms

By *rmiss c OP Couple
over a year ago

maidstone

Are their any out their ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If there are they probably won't answer this.

But the wannabes and fake doms might.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is a real dom, and what is a fake dom? And how would one tell the difference?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many fake Dom’s on here

Would love to find a real one though

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By *o_eye_deerMan
over a year ago

The South Near That London

"What is a real dom, and what is a fake dom? And how would one tell the difference?"

Real ones mums insist you call them Dominic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve got doms in my legs from yesterday’s leg session

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By *ustard_keen_ukMan
over a year ago

Bermondsey

Interesting thread...

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Suspect only submissive people can answer that one.

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By *aul-in-EssexMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford Area

"I’ve got doms in my legs from yesterday’s leg session

Only a small amount of people will understand that - try foam rollering.

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By *eviousvixen69Woman
over a year ago

land of riches

there is no such thing as a real Dom, they rare to find and they won’t make their presence known in a thread like this

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"there is no such thing as a real Dom, they rare to find and they won’t make their presence known in a thread like this"

Run this by me again, there is no such thing!

Okay, if that is so, the is no real Dom’s, then they couldn’t possibly make their presence on here?

I got that right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are plenty of bdsm sites and a massive scene that crosses over with swinging scene. We straddle both worlds. I'd say Dom's of all sorts are on here but it probably flows smoother and easier to find on other platforms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's is a few fake doms on here but there's a lot of real doms too . Im sure that if you look close enough at their profiles you will find them on here and a few other sites

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Are their any out their ? "

Depends on what you think a real Dom is I would think?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What is a real dom, and what is a fake dom? And how would one tell the difference?"

This is what I was going to ask

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think most of the genuine doms don't like the label or identifying as a dom as so many have given it a bad name.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are those that claim to be dom but use it to get a Sub carry out every sexual act they can possibly make them do with their own nenfir being the priority. There are those that are abusers. There are those that get master and slave confused with D/s.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are those that claim to be dom but use it to get a Sub carry out every sexual act they can possibly make them do with their own nenfir being the priority. There are those that are abusers. There are those that get master and slave confused with D/s. "
totally agree with everything you just said x

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

I am sure there are; and I am sure there are real submissives; the problem in finding either or both.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

We each want something different, so it's up to each of us to work out how we can find the partners that match our needs. Define the dom you want and seek them.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"We each want something different, so it's up to each of us to work out how we can find the partners that match our needs. Define the dom you want and seek them. "

Exactly!

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By *ubicon MangoMan
over a year ago

willenhall

"there is no such thing as a real Dom, they rare to find and they won’t make their presence known in a thread like this"

Yes that is true...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We each want something different, so it's up to each of us to work out how we can find the partners that match our needs. Define the dom you want and seek them.

Exactly!

"
exactly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very interesting thread this one.....regarding there being no real Doms on here,well assumption is a terrible thing...now you would assume that I'm not a Dominant especially with a name like "funlovingguy555" wouldn't you....well assumptions can most certainly be wrong because I am a Real Dominant and have been for over 20 years now....and during this time I have mentored many submissives and accompanied them in their journey of self growth,both male and female...some have involved sexual contact and some haven't....but as was already mentioned early in this thread there are those that just use it as a way of getting their desire for controlling another met.....and that is most certainly not what a "Real" Domminant would do....

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By *irtySexyDawgsCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge & Welwyn NOT the east midlands!!!

Saying there are 'real' or 'fake' Doms or subs, is as crazy as saying there are real or fake humans.

Doms & subs are as different as humans are all different, with a massive variety of kinks, passions, repulsions, strengths and weaknesses...because they're all humans first.

Most of the self-proclaimed experts think that what they are or want defines being Dom or sub, but they forget that their thoughts on the matter are mostly just their personal opinions, tainted by their own biases and tastes.

I've been told I'm too Dom and not Dom at all...ive been labelled many different ways, depending on how that persons own individyal viewpoint.

Being Dominant or submissive can't be narrowly defined.

Some would say I'm Dom, others kinky, others rough...but they'd all be judging by their own biases.

As 99% aren't purely D/s, praps it'd be more accurate to call it being Dom-ish or sub-ish.

Braced for the backlash.

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By *attb179Man
over a year ago

London

"What is a real dom, and what is a fake dom? And how would one tell the difference?"

A real dom takes charge, he/she dominates but his/her focus is the good of his/her sub. To satisfy her/his desire to serve and be subdued and help her/him grow.

A fake dom absuses the power dynamic to benefit himself/herself. Quite easy to tell apart once you get to know someone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It always makes me laugh how exactly some people wish to define particular terms. It leads to a situation where people are so specific in their requirements and so judgemental of others that it becomes quite sad.

I expect if there were such a thing as a real Dom, he would help you to relax, let go and enjoy the pleasure of life and submission, without so many barriers and unimportant rules. X

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By *irtySexyDawgsCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge & Welwyn NOT the east midlands!!!

I've observed and been taught some of the more complex disciplines I enjoy, like breathplay, by several very respected Doms, who were all very different in their approach and views on the D/s dynamic.

Though all were rightly focused on their subs wellbeing and happiness, it was always a 50/50 exchange.

I'm never going to pretend that I restrain, ch*ke and arse-fuck any gorg woman with more than a 50% interest in their pleasure.

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By *ocoTemptationMan
over a year ago

london

"I think most of the genuine doms don't like the label or identifying as a dom as so many have given it a bad name.

That's partly why I was debating as to whether I should contribute to this thread or not. I removed "Dom" from my profile name long ago.

I have had two subs over the years. On both occasions it developed naturally as part of a relationship and with each it was a wonderful experience.

Both were subs not slaves though and it was only a part of the sexual dynamic between us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What is a real dom, and what is a fake dom? And how would one tell the difference?

A real dom takes charge, he/she dominates but his/her focus is the good of his/her sub. To satisfy her/his desire to serve and be subdued and help her/him grow.

A fake dom absuses the power dynamic to benefit himself/herself. Quite easy to tell apart once you get to know someone "

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve got doms in my legs from yesterday’s leg session

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What is a real dom, and what is a fake dom? And how would one tell the difference?

Real ones mums insist you call them Dominic"

I laughed at this much more than I should have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Out of my own Intrest, what's the diffrence between a Dom and a bull, cause i feel like most men feel like a Dom is a bull. But not from what I belive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hate all this real Dom's fake Dom's shit. It drives me insane. Yes there are dim Dom's out there but it intrigues me to see how people categorise real Dom's.

I've been told I'm not a real sub because I'm not always submissive, because I occasionally apparently top from the bottom and because I won't take shit from people

People have no idea

There is no fake and real Dom's, there are people that are compatible with what you require from a D/s relationship

Belle

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By *ocoTemptationMan
over a year ago

london

"Out of my own Intrest, what's the diffrence between a Dom and a bull, cause i feel like most men feel like a Dom is a bull. But not from what I belive. "

Labels can be confining but I have worn both hats. It was actually my experience as a Dom that sparked my interest in becoming what is referred to as a Bull for cuckold couples in particular. I found that the mental aspects crossed over very nicely.

If I was to define the differences the first things that pop into my mind are.

A Bull is focused on meeting couples

A Dom is usually focused on an individual

A Bull needs to have a strong physical presence as a key component of their sexuality.

With a Dom the balance is tipped more in favour of mental strength, agility emotional intelligence and empathy.

To my mind the two can blur quite a lot though.

There's your simple answer lol

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By *uietlyKinkyUsCouple
over a year ago

midlands

I usually suspect that by 'fake dom/me' they mean top or an outright abuser/liar.

And it really depends, are you looking for someone skilled in impact, fear play, CP or role play?

Or maybe someone that rigs?

Maybe someone learnt in electric stimulation?

And are you a twue sub

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If there are they probably won't answer this.

But the wannabes and fake doms might. "

I've experienced a few of thoes!

Where is the real BDSM community? I wanna join that way you know for sure thats the only way you will meet real Dominants & experience the hype for sure.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"If there are they probably won't answer this.

But the wannabes and fake doms might.

I've experienced a few of thoes!

Where is the real BDSM community? I wanna join that way you know for sure thats the only way you will meet real Dominants & experience the hype for sure.

I think the problem is the word "real". As this thread shows there are so many different interpretations and so many people saying there's no such thing as a real dom that it becomes confusing and excludes anyone who isn't part of the elusive BDSM community. We've found it better to tread our own path, to meet people who seem to be on a similar wave length to us and to avoid anybody who is negative about BDSM without also educating and including us. That to us is "real".

Community to us means supportive and inclusive. It's rare to see those qualities when anybody asks a question about BDSM on these forums.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Too many wannabes who think they are “dom”

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By *uietlyKinkyUsCouple
over a year ago

midlands

"If there are they probably won't answer this.

But the wannabes and fake doms might.

I've experienced a few of thoes!

Where is the real BDSM community? I wanna join that way you know for sure thats the only way you will meet real Dominants & experience the hype for sure.

The 'real' bdsm community is everywhere, like seriously everywhere. Derby, Notts, Birmingham, Stoke. Burton, Everywhere!

Unfortunately even within the community you get dicks and abusers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love my hubby...but he is not a dom in any way..I love dom men...But as you say not many about.

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By *omis.69Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

Another vast subject and many forums posts preceded this one.

In my mind, it’s all about trust, understanding and respect.

Discuss fantasies explore limits and boundaries, be adventurous.

Explore and control the mind and the body will follow but most of all respect not abuse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think most of the genuine doms don't like the label or identifying as a dom as so many have given it a bad name.

Except, I don't like the idea of "genuine Dom" - it's a bit "no true scotsman".

But the name carries so much baggage and too many people use it as an excuse to abuse people (and they get away with it far too often).

I call myself dominant and I "own" somebody (by our definition of ownership, but possibly not others), but "Dom" makes me cringe a bit (as does a lot of the language commonly used actually).

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By *hMyGawdCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

Male or female?

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By *reedy_for_funCouple
over a year ago

My House

Absolutely no real, proper, genuine Dom people that we have found. All all 50 shades of gray bollcks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Out of my own Intrest, what's the diffrence between a Dom and a bull, cause i feel like most men feel like a Dom is a bull. But not from what I belive.

If I was to define the differences the first things that pop into my mind are.

A Bull is focused on meeting couples

A Dom is usually focused on an individual

A Bull needs to have a strong physical presence as a key component of their sexuality.

With a Dom the balance is tipped more in favour of mental strength, agility emotional intelligence and empathy.

To my mind the two can blur quite a lot though.

There's your simple answer lol"

Agree with this a lot!!!

Many 'doms' are out for themselves and treat the sub with no respect, no honesty, gaslight them and use things against them, turn things in them or make them feel inadequate in order to lower them, belittle them, and gain control in order to gain power to get them to satisy all of their desires without much care of thought to the mental, emotional or physical wellbeing of the sub.

Which is just utterly disgusting and ultimately not rewarding for either involved in the long run.

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By *hiny-SinnersCouple
over a year ago

Vale of Glamorgan

No one size fits all.

I (Mr S) have been in the fetish scene/lifestyle for 40 years now and have watched it morph over that time. The one lesson I have learned, and which has been mentioned in this thread, is that the various descriptors such as Dom and Sub very much mean different things to different people. That said, it is also true that you can group people into broad 'types, and this is probably the best one can manage when engaging in these conversations.

But I have also found people in the fet scene can, on occasion, be rather precious or anorakish about correct categorisation and behaviour. This rather sucks the fun out if this sort of lifestyle, so I tend to take a liberal approach and simply say I am very kinky.

You really need to understand your own inner wants and desires before being able to identify who would be a compatible 'Dom' for you.

Just my two penneth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No one size fits all.

You really need to understand your own inner wants and desires before being able to identify who would be a compatible 'Dom' for you.

Just my two penneth."

Informed and sensible advice

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By *r genuine oneMan
over a year ago

walsall

We dont like to blow our own trumpet...just keep a low profile...to be honest a good sub is hard to find and there are many wannabees from that sector too....only after a long conversation can a true dom/sub relationship form

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in a Dom sub relationship for a couple of years it is full on and mentally exhausting the ups and downs take there toll eventually parted ways and would never do it again

I'm assertive but not a Dom it's a full time job

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By *inkycreamCouple
over a year ago

manchester

We have a D/S relationship though rarely see myself as Dom maybe assertive, my partner loves to please and really nothing she wouldn’t do if I put my foot down. To anyone looking in would only see a loving couple.

In private we’re more sadistic and it’s mostly kept private.

I maybe wrong but I’d like to think it’s how the woman perceives the guy in front dictates which way things go.

All men like to think there hunter gatherer, but only works to some success if the woman decides its you they wish to submit to.

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By *attb179Man
over a year ago

London

"If there are they probably won't answer this.

But the wannabes and fake doms might.

I've experienced a few of thoes!

Where is the real BDSM community? I wanna join that way you know for sure thats the only way you will meet real Dominants & experience the hype for sure.

Kik is a good way to access bdsm knowledge and discussion. Was in a few that were specifically for in depth discussion. Pm me for some pointers to finding them.

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By *arry monk40Man
over a year ago

Telford

Yep

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

There definitely are single male Doms, Daddy’s, Sirs on here I know 2 very well who have several subs ate are real gents. You can find them by the names easily enough and a quick exchange by text or on the phone you will know if they are capable.

It depends what you are wanting , a session sub for a meet is one thing but a full time D/s girl is a huge amount of mental effort

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By *irtySexyDawgsCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge & Welwyn NOT the east midlands!!!

"We dont like to blow our own trumpet...just keep a low profile...to be honest a good sub is hard to find and there are many wannabees from that sector too....only after a long conversation can a true dom/sub relationship form"

True dat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It depends what you are wanting , a session sub for a meet is one thing but a full time D/s girl is a huge amount of mental effort"

It's a lot of effort but I don't really find it much work? I enjoy it, anyway - very rewarding (in more than the obvious ways).

Guess it's like having a pet

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By *nforcer68Man
over a year ago

leeds

Like many have posted, there are many men who use the term Dom to prey on what they see as weak and vaulnerable. This can be true of new converts into the sub world who haven't researched things properly but once a sub finds thier feet they are undoubtedly very strong people and more of a match to someone who wants to abuse. If I see a profile that says they are new to subbing I always advise them to change the wording as it will attract the wrong sort of Dom's.

The downside with most of the main BDSM sites is you cannot be verified where at least here although not a BDSM site people can still see if you are good at what you do or not.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"It depends what you are wanting , a session sub for a meet is one thing but a full time D/s girl is a huge amount of mental effort

It's a lot of effort but I don't really find it much work? I enjoy it, anyway - very rewarding (in more than the obvious ways).

Guess it's like having a pet

Depends on the dynamics of the relationship and the type of sub. Is she a CEO by day and submits to her D to decide her clothes, food, wine, brand/thickness of eyeliner, - that can be a lot of work, just the research to start with! . Do you send regular text instructions / tasks while she’s at work ? That can be a lot of work and a sub won’t tolerate a guy who isn’t sharp and consistent in that area. Or just a session sub in the bedroom for a few hours ... the easy part

There’s all types of D/s relationship , including the “pet” who drinks her milk from the bowl on the floor if she misbehaves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends on the dynamics of the relationship and the type of sub. Is she a CEO by day and submits to her D to decide her clothes, food, wine, brand/thickness of eyeliner, - that can be a lot of work, just the research to start with! . Do you send regular text instructions / tasks while she’s at work ? That can be a lot of work and a sub won’t tolerate a guy who isn’t sharp and consistent in that area. Or just a session sub in the bedroom for a few hours ... the easy part

There’s all types of D/s relationship , including the “pet” who drinks her milk from the bowl on the floor if she misbehaves "

Thanks for the introduction

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Problem to me is, dominance is a verb not a noun, it’s a process, not a title.

As is runner.

Are you an Olympic runner, club runner or a person who is jogging to keep fit, you have the title of runner.

Once you turn the verb (doing word) into a noun (you can touch it, walk round it, or put it in a wheelbarrow)! is where the problem arises.

Think you might find the difference in those who use verbs, process and those who use nouns, titles.

Plus I suspect a Dom never talks about their needs, the focus is on the submissive nature of the person they are with

Just a last thought, some get mixed up in B/d play and D/s play.

Well from my perspective.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Problem to me is, dominance is a verb not a noun, it’s a process, not a title.

As is runner.

Are you an Olympic runner, club runner or a person who is jogging to keep fit, you have the title of runner.

Once you turn the verb (doing word) into a noun (you can touch it, walk round it, or put it in a wheelbarrow)! is where the problem arises.

Think you might find the difference in those who use verbs, process and those who use nouns, titles.

Plus I suspect a Dom never talks about their needs, the focus is on the submissive nature of the person they are with

Just a last thought, some get mixed up in B/d play and D/s play.

Well from my perspective."
whatever side of the couple wrote that you just completely head fucked me and i loved every minute of it bravo!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Problem to me is, dominance is a verb not a noun, it’s a process, not a title.

As is runner.

Are you an Olympic runner, club runner or a person who is jogging to keep fit, you have the title of runner.

Once you turn the verb (doing word) into a noun (you can touch it, walk round it, or put it in a wheelbarrow)! is where the problem arises.

Think you might find the difference in those who use verbs, process and those who use nouns, titles.

Plus I suspect a Dom never talks about their needs, the focus is on the submissive nature of the person they are with

Just a last thought, some get mixed up in B/d play and D/s play.

Well from my perspective."

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By *ocoTemptationMan
over a year ago

london

"Out of my own Intrest, what's the diffrence between a Dom and a bull, cause i feel like most men feel like a Dom is a bull. But not from what I belive.

If I was to define the differences the first things that pop into my mind are.

A Bull is focused on meeting couples

A Dom is usually focused on an individual

A Bull needs to have a strong physical presence as a key component of their sexuality.

With a Dom the balance is tipped more in favour of mental strength, agility emotional intelligence and empathy.

To my mind the two can blur quite a lot though.

There's your simple answer lol

Agree with this a lot!!!

Which is just utterly disgusting and ultimately not rewarding for either involved in the long run. "

The so called dom of one of my ex's that preceded me was like that and worse. It took her several months to totally relax we me and even then his dark shadow still had an impact on her. Fortunately he is now in prison.

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By *r genuine oneMan
over a year ago

walsall

Obvioulsy everyone has there own take on the issue but this can really only be agreed between the dom and sub themselves, depending how far they want to take things. I personally would never go into it too deep but as said for others it can take over there lives as to speak.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Out of my own Intrest, what's the diffrence between a Dom and a bull, cause i feel like most men feel like a Dom is a bull. But not from what I belive.

If I was to define the differences the first things that pop into my mind are.

A Bull is focused on meeting couples

A Dom is usually focused on an individual

A Bull needs to have a strong physical presence as a key component of their sexuality.

With a Dom the balance is tipped more in favour of mental strength, agility emotional intelligence and empathy.

To my mind the two can blur quite a lot though.

There's your simple answer lol

Agree with this a lot!!!

Which is just utterly disgusting and ultimately not rewarding for either involved in the long run.

Same here, well not the prison bit.

Suspect he was exploring I suspect HIS fantasy.

The lady had no experience and agreed to a scene early in the relationship, they were to just met up, no words, do the scene. He left her in tears for days.

No idea around subspace, no idea around drop

No idea around the psychology of bypassing the cognitive mind.

The acts left her in not a very good place.

Still think porn does nothing for the difference between Bondage/discipline.....Dominated/submissive... Sadistic/masochistic.

Helps if you don’t mix each process under one heading.

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By *ensualgent38Man
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

What’s ‘real’ is in the eye of the beholder really, isn’t it. As in all things, Doms come in many different types. The trick is for Dom and sub to be compatible in their desires and their commitment to whatever dynamic they choose to share and enjoy.

I’m a real Dom to the ladies I have been lucky enough to be master to. Finding that shared imagination lust and respect is an amazing thing to enjoy.

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By *ocoTemptationMan
over a year ago

london

Same here, well not the prison bit.

Suspect he was exploring I suspect HIS fantasy.

The lady had no experience and agreed to a scene early in the relationship, they were to just met up, no words, do the scene. He left her in tears for days.

No idea around subspace, no idea around drop

No idea around the psychology of bypassing the cognitive mind.

The acts left her in not a very good place.

Still think porn does nothing for the difference between Bondage/discipline.....Dominated/submissive... Sadistic/masochistic.

Helps if you don’t mix each process under one heading."

So sorry to hear that. I hope your friend is now ok.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Same here, well not the prison bit.

Suspect he was exploring I suspect HIS fantasy.

The lady had no experience and agreed to a scene early in the relationship, they were to just met up, no words, do the scene. He left her in tears for days.

No idea around subspace, no idea around drop

No idea around the psychology of bypassing the cognitive mind.

The acts left her in not a very good place.

Still think porn does nothing for the difference between Bondage/discipline.....Dominated/submissive... Sadistic/masochistic.

Helps if you don’t mix each process under one heading.

So sorry to hear that. I hope your friend is now ok."

She cognitively understands, which I believe has allowed her to move on.

Thank you for you concern.

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By *irtySexyDawgsCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge & Welwyn NOT the east midlands!!!

"What’s ‘real’ is in the eye of the beholder really, isn’t it. As in all things, Doms come in many different types. The trick is for Dom and sub to be compatible in their desires and their commitment to whatever dynamic they choose to share and enjoy.

I’m a real Dom to the ladies I have been lucky enough to be master to. Finding that shared imagination lust and respect is an amazing thing to enjoy."

100%

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a real Dom to the ladies I have been lucky enough to be master to. Finding that shared imagination lust and respect is an amazing thing to enjoy."

Very hard to find though and even harder when people portray themselves a certain way but are actually not who they claim to be or behave like they say they do.

Trust is key and without that nothing will work.

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By *r_Jake70Man
over a year ago

London

My biggest issue with many men you self-proclaim as Dom, is that they don’t understand where this stops. I’ve had numerous discussions with women who are otherwise happy with what happens during play but are continuously lied to, bullied, gaslit and otherwise have all sorts of unwarranted pressure to adjust their personal and family life to suit the wishes and proclivities of their Dom. I’ve heard horror stories of forced or attempted gangbangs, addition men being invited to play without being pre-vetted, secret playmates, pressure to engage in a way that goes against their preferences and abusive behaviour, all in the name of “you should just accept my dominance and submit to my will.”

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By *ensualgent38Man
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

I’m a real Dom to the ladies I have been lucky enough to be master to. Finding that shared imagination lust and respect is an amazing thing to enjoy.

Very hard to find though and even harder when people portray themselves a certain way but are actually not who they claim to be or behave like they say they do.

Trust is key and without that nothing will work. "

It really isn’t easy to find, is it. But then, the fact that it is so hard to find in part contributes to the intimacy and intensity of the scenario when you do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are their any out their ? "

I was sent this tonight by a fellow fabber which is a beautiful analogy

If dominance is an act of setting someone free, and submission is an act of willfully devoting oneself to another, then who is the captor and who's is the captive? A leash after all has two ends, both of which must be held. Ultimately, dominant and submissive are bound to one another not by chains but by their own needs. We do for one another what no one else can or will. We are here by choice and by choice we stay.xx

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

[Removed by poster at 09/01/20 01:10:51]

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

That’s really nice and helps understand why D sometimes drops too , it’s a 2-way intensity

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By *rghYeTimbersMan
over a year ago

Ipswich

[Removed by poster at 09/01/20 01:34:04]

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By *atex and KinkCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"No one size fits all.

You really need to understand your own inner wants and desires before being able to identify who would be a compatible 'Dom' for you.

Just my two penneth."

Very much this.

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By *atex and KinkCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Are their any out their ? "

Is not the real question, what am I looking for and who can forfill these requirements for me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are a few Doms\Dommes on this site but unfortunately there are many wannabes and people who think they can do 50 shades.

Bdsm takes time to learn and there are many aspects from sensual to extreme. Your best bet is to pop along to a munch ( bdsm social meet) where you can chat with like minded people.

As OP is based in Windsor you would have Reading, Guildford (which I co run), Woking and Farnbrough. This way your be able to ask many questions on things you would like to try or know about and not have the mistake of someone who doesn’t know what he or she is doing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are their any out their ?

I was sent this tonight by a fellow fabber which is a beautiful analogy

I have this on my profile and ask for thoughts on it as a way of giving someone a starting point in a message to me. Works really well and I get a few like minded people come through. Also attracts the wrong ones but it is easy to le them out. I also love how this worded.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are their any out their ?

Is not the real question, what am I looking for and who can forfill these requirements for me?

Definitely!

The real Dom is the one THEY are looking for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are a few Doms\Dommes on this site but unfortunately there are many wannabes and people who think they can do 50 shades.

Bdsm takes time to learn and there are many aspects from sensual to extreme. Your best bet is to pop along to a munch ( bdsm social meet) where you can chat with like minded people.

I'm interested in these

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By *hoenix CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northallerton

Mr P is a Dom Master, has been for years, understands the safety and etiquette involved. He prefers a batty sub haha.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Your best bet is to pop along to a munch ( bdsm social meet) where you can chat with like minded people.

In my experience you still get a lot of abusive people masquerading as doms even on the BDSM scene (in fact I think it's worse) and in some places it isn't challenged really at all.

That said, I've met Ruber in a previous life/profile and any munch he recommends will be legit

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

Bookmarking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve got doms in my legs from yesterday’s leg session

Only a small amount of people will understand that - try foam rollering."

A good soak in magnesium salts or Epsom salts in the bath also helps

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh indeed

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I get tired of all these domly doms going on about all these bad and dangerous doms out there. So to even up the balance I would like to say that there are some very good doms out there, who will enrich your play if you meet them.

The trick is to take time, know what your requirements are and what you are looking for in a dom. Go slow and do your research and have a proper negotiation and discussion before playing. Be firm as to what are hard and soft limits. Take references from others that have played with them or know them.

Good Luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are a few Doms\Dommes on this site but unfortunately there are many wannabes and people who think they can do 50 shades.

Bdsm takes time to learn and there are many aspects from sensual to extreme. Your best bet is to pop along to a munch ( bdsm social meet) where you can chat with like minded people.

I'm interested in these "

Sent Pm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Your best bet is to pop along to a munch ( bdsm social meet) where you can chat with like minded people.

In my experience you still get a lot of abusive people masquerading as doms even on the BDSM scene (in fact I think it's worse) and in some places it isn't challenged really at all.

That said, I've met Ruber in a previous life/profile and any munch he recommends will be legit

your most welcome and thanks

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By *ood girl2010Couple
over a year ago

crewe

"Are their any out their ? "

My boy friend is a real dom and good at it

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By *cloversCouple
over a year ago

Hull

I play real doms on holiday - others like card games like Uno but they're not my thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lotsa joking ones

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By *r genuine oneMan
over a year ago

walsall

On a serious note if there are any genuine subs who may be willing participants in this scenario please get in touch and lets chat..if the dynamics are there then who knows, but please be aware this won't happen overnight but hey nothing ventured nothing gained....please feel free to pm me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is such a popular debate . My partner and i run our own munch and try to get out and about as much as possible in the kink world . We are Dominatrix and submissive , we dont switch ever , so in that sence we are " true " to ourselves . There is no true way , only what works in the dynamic that is . Yes there are always gonna be fakes and wannbes in whatever walk of life we take . However take your time and find out about the person Just cause someone says they are does not make it true . In my experiance there are many genuine folk out there

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *heEvilWithinWoman
over a year ago

Barnsley

It's a bit of a loaded question because what is a "real Dom" that's entirely subjective. I have met people with 20 years experience but it's been 20 years of doing something wrong. And I've met someone who has mastered something in 4 months.

I think the best way to look at is if people in a D/s dynamic are both enjoying it. That makes it good and real.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Juxtaposition, are they any real subs.

From what I have read, most are just princesses.

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By *r genuine oneMan
over a year ago

walsall

Totally agree there is nothing set in stone this is something that is scripted.....there must be pleasure from both sides, some so called Bulls think its about bullying a woman to carry out there desires which to me if i'm honest is demeaning its hard work to make this releationship work hence genuine bulls are hard to find

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By *r genuine oneMan
over a year ago

walsall

Appologise...meant to say this is something that is NOT scripted

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By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool

*prods the beast*

Yup! Can confirm he is real.

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By *ilkchocolate87Man
over a year ago

sw london

"Are their any out their ? "

*there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In our experience we've not meant many people from here who actually understand the dynamics properly, which is a little odd since loads of people like to say they're doms and subs on here? We've had better luck in places that are more suited to the scene and even then most subs we've had have come from vanilla meets where they gradually opened up with their submissive desires after getting to know us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I think this is a lot of crap.

It's not like men go to a Dom school and become qualified Doms.

A man is a man. Some are just naturally more dominant than others in ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its usually in the first couple of messages I can tell. They want to be called Sir/Master right away. They have no experience and dont own any BDSM toys.

Oh but they tell me they are real because they can f--k hard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every D/S relationship is different.

Someone who can perfectly well dominate their own partner to both of their satisfactions may in fact appear insufficient to an observer.

Thats the whole point - its about understanding and appreciating the desires of the individuals involved. Not following a prescribed instruction manual.

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By *r genuine oneMan
over a year ago

walsall

Think the title should be where are the true subs....its easier to find a unicorn

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By *irtySexyDawgsCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge & Welwyn NOT the east midlands!!!

"Your best bet is to pop along to a munch ( bdsm social meet) where you can chat with like minded people.

In my experience you still get a lot of abusive people masquerading as doms even on the BDSM scene (in fact I think it's worse) and in some places it isn't challenged really at all.

That said, I've met Ruber in a previous life/profile and any munch he recommends will be legit

I found the same. Thought munches would be really friendly, inclusive, but was mostly funny lil fellas in leather kilts n DMs boring me about why I wasn't Dom, because I have sex with subfems and because I treat subs like humans first and like them to have a voice and because of how I dressed as I didn't come in 'Dom uniform'...they were 'social' events.

I went to several munches and bdsm events and all were weirdly competitive, slightly dreary cock offs tbh.

I found, chatted to, met and learned about impact, breathplay, knife play, restraint and torture from legit, experienced Doms inclusive, Doms & subs via other more specialist websites and publications.

Ive found a few approachable Doms here, but most are just tedious, narcissistic sociopaths tbh.

My advice is to try the main sites/mags for the fetish you're into...eg DDlg is a very different dynamic to Master/slave etc.

There are few shortcuts, just put some effort in, find people who share your kinks and network with them.

A Real Dom or sub is just whoever you fully bond with, it's as varied as people are, ccoz they're all people bbefore D/s.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If there are they probably won't answer this.

But the wannabes and fake doms might. "

This

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By *irtySexyDawgMan
over a year ago

Welwyn

"If there are they probably won't answer this.

But the wannabes and fake doms might.

This

That just seems a silly statement to me...why wouldn't an experienced Dom or sub even engage in an enlightening convo and show the difference between a safe, experienced lifestyle/session Dom and a dangerous fake?

D/s world can be so drearily up itself sometimes...yawn.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"If there are they probably won't answer this.

But the wannabes and fake doms might.

This

D/s world can be so drearily up itself sometimes...yawn.

Totally agree with that last statement. Meet so many so called lifestyle Doms that really aren’t, not even close, and Subs who are just vulnerable, high maintenance waiting to to be taken advantage of.

For me I never even considered I was a “Dom” until someone told me I was a natural Dom and then looked into it and found this whole new world, and realised I’d always had D/s type relationships and been attracted to certain types of women. The session D/s then really took off as an added extra

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By *itsAndTangentsCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

"If there are they probably won't answer this.

But the wannabes and fake doms might.

This

D/s world can be so drearily up itself sometimes...yawn.

100% this, there is a complete difference between trusting someone entirely with your sexuality and submissive side and just taking advantage of someone.

Someone can be dominant in a pleasing, mutual, sexy, teasing, overpowering way without having to be Mr Grey 2.0.

Dominant is also incredibly subjective but hey ho

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Exactly, you can be Dominant without BDSM, and even non sexual. You can enjoy perfectly choosing her meal, wine and even outfit when you go out & the effect of it especially when she’s had a very stressful day at work. Of course if you mess that up , what right do you have to dominate her body ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fake Dom" is usually levelled at someone who doesn't "get it", and thinks it's just about being abusive (or, someone who knows full well what it's about but uses it as a cover for being abusive).

A good analogy is wrestling - some people watch it and are convinced it's about smacking the seven shades of shit out of each other. It's not.

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By *az1Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Exactly, you can be Dominant without BDSM, and even non sexual. You can enjoy perfectly choosing her meal, wine and even outfit when you go out & the effect of it especially when she’s had a very stressful day at work. Of course if you mess that up , what right do you have to dominate her body ? "

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By *oinerbillMan
over a year ago

warrington

had a ex a few years back who was really into bdsm

we were lucky enough to have a cellar, and being a joiner I made it into our playroom

she loved being tied tight while I had my fun.

really miss that girl, she was so kinky

On another note, recently got asked to make some stocks incorporated in a bench. you bend over the bench , legs tied at the ankles and are in stocks. They wouldn't let me see them in action, shame

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By *oinerbillMan
over a year ago

warrington

wouldn't say I was a dom with her, she just loved bdsm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 31/01/20 15:23:47]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"she loved being tied tight while I had my fun."

You ran back upstairs and watched MOTD yeah?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I need a 'sub-joiner' in my life lol

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By *oinerbillMan
over a year ago

warrington

im your man then miss, no prob

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

The fact that they don't badge it as BDSM, does not stop it from falling into the D/S of BDSM remembering that BDSM stands for

B&D, B/D, or BD

Bondage and discipline

D&s, D/s, or Ds

Dominance and submission

S&M, S/M, or SM

Sadism and masochism

I know there are couples out there into Service, Gorean and 1950's wife (to name a few), that are forms of D/S without the BD or SM.

People can be kinky without knowing they are being kinky.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What is a real dom, and what is a fake dom? And how would one tell the difference?

A real dom takes charge, he/she dominates but his/her focus is the good of his/her sub. To satisfy her/his desire to serve and be subdued and help her/him grow.

A fake dom absuses the power dynamic to benefit himself/herself. Quite easy to tell apart once you get to know someone "

The last paragraph - could simply be a sadistic Dom.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"What is a real dom, and what is a fake dom? And how would one tell the difference?

A real dom takes charge, he/she dominates but his/her focus is the good of his/her sub. To satisfy her/his desire to serve and be subdued and help her/him grow.

A fake dom absuses the power dynamic to benefit himself/herself. Quite easy to tell apart once you get to know someone

The last paragraph - could simply be a sadistic Dom. "

Agree, more on the S/m side.

Think I have said this before, dominating is a verb not a noun, everyone does it differently, find someone who dances the same steps as you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If there are they probably won't answer this.

But the wannabes and fake doms might. "

What a stupid comment

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem

"What is a real dom, and what is a fake dom? And how would one tell the difference?

A real dom takes charge, he/she dominates but his/her focus is the good of his/her sub. To satisfy her/his desire to serve and be subdued and help her/him grow.

A fake dom absuses the power dynamic to benefit himself/herself. Quite easy to tell apart once you get to know someone

The last paragraph - could simply be a sadistic Dom.

Agree, more on the S/m side.

Think I have said this before, dominating is a verb not a noun, everyone does it differently, find someone who dances the same steps as you."

Sadistic Dom still isn't one in control. Sadists and masochists it's still the masochist in control of what they receive.

Basically anyone who does anything the other person doesn't want it's abuse!! Plain and simple. Don't go labeling abusers as sadists

If a masochist wants torment but wants it to end the sadist will stop. Fake doms are abusers thats it plain and simple.

Dominants are not the ones in control ever they are providers of what the sub/slave etc wants they trust you as the dominant with their desires so no matter whether if you are a master, Dom or sadist or every other dominant role. Fake doms don't give a shit about a person's boundaries, they don't give a shit about aftercare and they certainly don't give a shit about a bond.

Dont confuse the abusers with being dominant roles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What is a real dom, and what is a fake dom? And how would one tell the difference?

A real dom takes charge, he/she dominates but his/her focus is the good of his/her sub. To satisfy her/his desire to serve and be subdued and help her/him grow.

A fake dom absuses the power dynamic to benefit himself/herself. Quite easy to tell apart once you get to know someone

The last paragraph - could simply be a sadistic Dom.

Agree, more on the S/m side.

Think I have said this before, dominating is a verb not a noun, everyone does it differently, find someone who dances the same steps as you.

Sadistic Dom still isn't one in control. Sadists and masochists it's still the masochist in control of what they receive.

Basically anyone who does anything the other person doesn't want it's abuse!! Plain and simple. Don't go labeling abusers as sadists

If a masochist wants torment but wants it to end the sadist will stop. Fake doms are abusers thats it plain and simple.

Dont confuse the abusers with being dominant roles."

Do not attempt to tell me that I am confusing x with y!

I simply gave an alternative perspective. I mentioned nothing about consent or lack of. There are different types of consent, including consensual non-consent and contracts.

Yes abuse exists.

Yes manipulation exists.

These exist outside of kink as well as within.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just have sex

It's a lot less complicated

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem

"What is a real dom, and what is a fake dom? And how would one tell the difference?

A real dom takes charge, he/she dominates but his/her focus is the good of his/her sub. To satisfy her/his desire to serve and be subdued and help her/him grow.

A fake dom absuses the power dynamic to benefit himself/herself. Quite easy to tell apart once you get to know someone

The last paragraph - could simply be a sadistic Dom.

Agree, more on the S/m side.

Think I have said this before, dominating is a verb not a noun, everyone does it differently, find someone who dances the same steps as you.

Sadistic Dom still isn't one in control. Sadists and masochists it's still the masochist in control of what they receive.

Basically anyone who does anything the other person doesn't want it's abuse!! Plain and simple. Don't go labeling abusers as sadists

If a masochist wants torment but wants it to end the sadist will stop. Fake doms are abusers thats it plain and simple.

Dont confuse the abusers with being dominant roles.

Do not attempt to tell me that I am confusing x with y!

I simply gave an alternative perspective. I mentioned nothing about consent or lack of. There are different types of consent, including consensual non-consent and contracts.

Yes abuse exists.

Yes manipulation exists.

These exist outside of kink as well as within. "

Consent non consent requires a person to know your boundaries and trust

Myself I'd only agree to dominate with contracts protects myself as well as themselves should any point a boundary is crossed and very well shouldn't have done. Protects me from being arrested for something that was requested of me.

I know full well there are abusers outside of the world of kink but some many fake wannabe doms think they can get away with what is actual abuse. Sadly in the world of liberated sexuality they do more often than not because it's a he said she said they said.

I never said you were confused I said don't confuse. Don't give people an excuse to coin the term and people new to the scene a false impression of what to expect.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"What is a real dom, and what is a fake dom? And how would one tell the difference?

A real dom takes charge, he/she dominates but his/her focus is the good of his/her sub. To satisfy her/his desire to serve and be subdued and help her/him grow.

A fake dom absuses the power dynamic to benefit himself/herself. Quite easy to tell apart once you get to know someone

The last paragraph - could simply be a sadistic Dom.

Agree, more on the S/m side.

Think I have said this before, dominating is a verb not a noun, everyone does it differently, find someone who dances the same steps as you.

Sadistic Dom still isn't one in control. Sadists and masochists it's still the masochist in control of what they receive.

Basically anyone who does anything the other person doesn't want it's abuse!! Plain and simple. Don't go labeling abusers as sadists

If a masochist wants torment but wants it to end the sadist will stop. Fake doms are abusers thats it plain and simple.

Dont confuse the abusers with being dominant roles."

I never label anyone, I hate the verb “to be”

It automatically sticks people in boxes.

It is the most used verb on this site, including this thread.

Dominating us an action, not a title, talk to people who love to be submissive, never a “Dom”

Anyway, my name isn’t Domenic

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem

"What is a real dom, and what is a fake dom? And how would one tell the difference?

A real dom takes charge, he/she dominates but his/her focus is the good of his/her sub. To satisfy her/his desire to serve and be subdued and help her/him grow.

A fake dom absuses the power dynamic to benefit himself/herself. Quite easy to tell apart once you get to know someone

The last paragraph - could simply be a sadistic Dom.

Agree, more on the S/m side.

Think I have said this before, dominating is a verb not a noun, everyone does it differently, find someone who dances the same steps as you.

Sadistic Dom still isn't one in control. Sadists and masochists it's still the masochist in control of what they receive.

Basically anyone who does anything the other person doesn't want it's abuse!! Plain and simple. Don't go labeling abusers as sadists

If a masochist wants torment but wants it to end the sadist will stop. Fake doms are abusers thats it plain and simple.

Dont confuse the abusers with being dominant roles.

I never label anyone, I hate the verb “to be”

It automatically sticks people in boxes.

It is the most used verb on this site, including this thread.

Dominating us an action, not a title, talk to people who love to be submissive, never a “Dom”

Anyway, my name isn’t Domenic "

Dom and Domme is terms for male and female dominant, domination is an action in which they perform, to dominate or to subjugate

Just as sub is terms for submissive, a subservient

People will give themselves the titles just as a sub would decide theirs. You choose not to use the title of Dom or Domme doesn't make them any less of a title in the BDSM world

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

"What is a real dom, and what is a fake dom? And how would one tell the difference?

A real dom takes charge, he/she dominates but his/her focus is the good of his/her sub. To satisfy her/his desire to serve and be subdued and help her/him grow.

A fake dom absuses the power dynamic to benefit himself/herself. Quite easy to tell apart once you get to know someone

The last paragraph - could simply be a sadistic Dom.

Agree, more on the S/m side.

Think I have said this before, dominating is a verb not a noun, everyone does it differently, find someone who dances the same steps as you.

Sadistic Dom still isn't one in control. Sadists and masochists it's still the masochist in control of what they receive.

Basically anyone who does anything the other person doesn't want it's abuse!! Plain and simple. Don't go labeling abusers as sadists

If a masochist wants torment but wants it to end the sadist will stop. Fake doms are abusers thats it plain and simple.

Dont confuse the abusers with being dominant roles."

With respect I disagree, obviously you are entitled to your view, but here are the reasons why I disagree.

It is a common statement that masochists or subs are in control because they can decide what happens to their bodies. This is not strictly true for three reasons. Firstly any person in any relationship can decide what happens to their bodies. It is a human right and, to use an absurd example, the reason why parents cannot use corporal punishment. You cannot say the child is in control of the relationship because the child can prevent their parents applying physical force to them. Control in a relationship is not one aspect, it is made of a number of aspects.

The second point is that the dom can choose not to do something to the sub, or even end the scene early against the sub wishes. A dom cannot be controlled to do something that dom does not want to do, as an example comply with a request for needle play if it is not the dom's interest. Many dom's don't do rope so the submissive get their rope fix elsewhere.

Thirdly, people tend to forget that even with sadistic doms there is a transaction of mutual benefit it is not one sided and sub may want and desire what the dom can give.

There is an old joke where the masochist says "beat me, beat me" and the sadist says with a smile "No".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think most of the genuine doms don't like the label or identifying as a dom as so many have given it a bad name.

Absolutely true. Why be a label when you can be yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just have sex

It's a lot less complicated "

Because fucking with mind, body and soul is far more fun than sex.

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem

"What is a real dom, and what is a fake dom? And how would one tell the difference?

A real dom takes charge, he/she dominates but his/her focus is the good of his/her sub. To satisfy her/his desire to serve and be subdued and help her/him grow.

A fake dom absuses the power dynamic to benefit himself/herself. Quite easy to tell apart once you get to know someone

The last paragraph - could simply be a sadistic Dom.

Agree, more on the S/m side.

Think I have said this before, dominating is a verb not a noun, everyone does it differently, find someone who dances the same steps as you.

Sadistic Dom still isn't one in control. Sadists and masochists it's still the masochist in control of what they receive.

Basically anyone who does anything the other person doesn't want it's abuse!! Plain and simple. Don't go labeling abusers as sadists

If a masochist wants torment but wants it to end the sadist will stop. Fake doms are abusers thats it plain and simple.

Dont confuse the abusers with being dominant roles.

With respect I disagree, obviously you are entitled to your view, but here are the reasons why I disagree.

Thirdly, people tend to forget that even with sadistic doms there is a transaction of mutual benefit it is not one sided and sub may want and desire what the dom can give.

There is an old joke where the masochist says "beat me, beat me" and the sadist says with a smile "No"."

Well we have been talking context of what happens in D/s relations differences between a real dominant and a fake Dom aka abuser

Please feel free to re-read my comments.

There is boundaries for both the dominant and submissive regardless of what kind of dynamic play it is.

A real sadist will give the masochist what they desire I never stated it's one sided in the slightest. If the masochist wants torment i.e. being scared and reduced to tears and feeling terrified. If the masochist wants it to stop the sadist will stop they won't carry on this is the control the submissive has. But these fake wannabes will do what ever they want disregarding boundaries.

A real dominant and submissive relationship will always be mutually beneficial requires being equally matched in what both want. Someone who enjoys impact play the most won't be with someone who can't or won't do impact play whether it's receiving or giving. What point would it be if either party didn't match?

How many submissive can say they've been subjected to one of these abusive people? Forced to endure an attack that was unwanted I've known many who have endured brutal attacks because the Dom wanted to.

I will never do anything out of my boundaries and I would never take anyone out of theirs. But there are sick abusive individuals who don't adhere to the rules and rights of a human being. The submissive remains in control of what you do to them they hand themselves over to you and you have a responsibility to make sure their desires and needs are met and they are safe. They use their safe word it is over they have the control and should only be the one with that control to stop what is being done to them.

If a submissive wanted to be tied to the bed and flogged but I go further and start to cut them and they want to stop and I ignore them what is that?? It's abuse it's assault. I won't be compelled to go out of my boundaries as a dominant as you say the submissive will seek elsewhere for what they desire. Boundaries mean nothing to fake doms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You say tomato I say tomato. There are no rights or wrongs, all there is is what is right for those concerned at the point in time they are together. Tomorrow is another day and on that day the rules may or may not change...

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem

"You say tomato I say tomato. There are no rights or wrongs, all there is is what is right for those concerned at the point in time they are together. Tomorrow is another day and on that day the rules may or may not change...

No rights no wrongs?

Then you clearly haven't met anyone whose been with a fake dom then or experienced it for yourself.

Leaves lasting scars mentally and physically, that tomato will turn rotten when it does happen.

No and stop and what ever safe word that's used is meant to mean just that

When you're left with scars and wounds to heal you never wanted think about your words. At the very least compassion and imagination should help you to understand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No rights no wrongs?

Then you clearly haven't met anyone whose been with a fake dom then or experienced it for yourself.

Leaves lasting scars mentally and physically, that tomato will turn rotten when it does happen.

No and stop and what ever safe word that's used is meant to mean just that

When you're left with scars and wounds to heal you never wanted think about your words. At the very least compassion and imagination should help you to understand. "

No offense but you completely miss my point. I wasn't talking about "fake" or "real". My point is this, what is right for one is wrong for someone else. I once knew a submissive who got off on the fact she knew she was being abused by someone who didn't know what they where doing. To judge everyone by the same standard fly's in the face of BDSM and all it entails.

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem

No rights no wrongs?

Then you clearly haven't met anyone whose been with a fake dom then or experienced it for yourself.

Leaves lasting scars mentally and physically, that tomato will turn rotten when it does happen.

No and stop and what ever safe word that's used is meant to mean just that

When you're left with scars and wounds to heal you never wanted think about your words. At the very least compassion and imagination should help you to understand.

The topic of the thread isn't about what someone likes desires or enjoys but real doms vs fake. No one saying what someone desires is wrong. It's saying that going against a person's wishes and boundaries is wrong. Which is very much what fake doms do and the fact fab and every other site is full of the fakes and finding a real dom is difficult.

No one is judging a person's desires here no one is judging what anyone wants as long as it's mutually consensual (consent non consent is based on trust and other person knowing boundaries no one in their right mind would go cnc with a complete stranger) If it's illegal and harms someone in a way in which they did not want then who does so should be judged and hopefully receive justice but that is a rarity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No rights no wrongs?

Then you clearly haven't met anyone whose been with a fake dom then or experienced it for yourself.

Leaves lasting scars mentally and physically, that tomato will turn rotten when it does happen.

No and stop and what ever safe word that's used is meant to mean just that

When you're left with scars and wounds to heal you never wanted think about your words. At the very least compassion and imagination should help you to understand.

You seem very angry and I sincerely hope you get passed it in time and feel better.

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem

No rights no wrongs?

Then you clearly haven't met anyone whose been with a fake dom then or experienced it for yourself.

Leaves lasting scars mentally and physically, that tomato will turn rotten when it does happen.

No and stop and what ever safe word that's used is meant to mean just that

When you're left with scars and wounds to heal you never wanted think about your words. At the very least compassion and imagination should help you to understand.

You seem very angry and I sincerely hope you get passed it in time and feel better."

I'm sorry you think so. I don't know where you see the anger. My compassion for another's safety offends you so I assume you're having difficulty understanding that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No rights no wrongs?

Then you clearly haven't met anyone whose been with a fake dom then or experienced it for yourself.

Leaves lasting scars mentally and physically, that tomato will turn rotten when it does happen.

No and stop and what ever safe word that's used is meant to mean just that

When you're left with scars and wounds to heal you never wanted think about your words. At the very least compassion and imagination should help you to understand.

You seem very angry and I sincerely hope you get passed it in time and feel better.

I'm sorry you think so. I don't know where you see the anger. My compassion for another's safety offends you so I assume you're having difficulty understanding that

It's just how you come across to me.. if I'm wrong then I'm wrong.

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem

No rights no wrongs?

Then you clearly haven't met anyone whose been with a fake dom then or experienced it for yourself.

Leaves lasting scars mentally and physically, that tomato will turn rotten when it does happen.

No and stop and what ever safe word that's used is meant to mean just that

When you're left with scars and wounds to heal you never wanted think about your words. At the very least compassion and imagination should help you to understand.

You seem very angry and I sincerely hope you get passed it in time and feel better.

I'm sorry you think so. I don't know where you see the anger. My compassion for another's safety offends you so I assume you're having difficulty understanding that

It's just how you come across to me.. if I'm wrong then I'm wrong. "

Maybe I should use emojis prolifically to express my emotional state because my use of the English language seems aggressive to you. I can't do much text speak I'm afraid to make it seem more affectionate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No rights no wrongs?

Then you clearly haven't met anyone whose been with a fake dom then or experienced it for yourself.

Leaves lasting scars mentally and physically, that tomato will turn rotten when it does happen.

No and stop and what ever safe word that's used is meant to mean just that

When you're left with scars and wounds to heal you never wanted think about your words. At the very least compassion and imagination should help you to understand.

You seem very angry and I sincerely hope you get passed it in time and feel better.

I'm sorry you think so. I don't know where you see the anger. My compassion for another's safety offends you so I assume you're having difficulty understanding that

It's just how you come across to me.. if I'm wrong then I'm wrong.

This is the problem with emotive subjects such as this, tone is easily misjudged but between us we cleared up the misunderstanding. I'm off home to bed to give my little a cuddle. Night x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If there are they probably won't answer this.

But the wannabes and fake doms might.

What a stupid comment "

Was it?? Or was it deliberately done to spark a conversation??

It's amazing how much stick I've got over this. But it was a deliberate conversation starter as the poster used the term 'real' dom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let me know if u find one x

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

I’d expect an experienced Dom to ask me questions first and have a conversation about expectations. I don’t expect to be told what they’re going to do. As others have said being a Dom isn’t about abusing the sub.

I’ve struggled to find a compatible Dom. I’ve had a Dom and a Domme but none recently.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you have to get a certificate to be real?

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

[Removed by poster at 01/02/20 17:53:15]

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I am glad the heat has been taken out of this discussion.

However I think it is a modern problem that in trying to have a discussion about an issue, people claim they have the sole right to talk on behalf of victims and to do so in a heated manner, and to claim their view is the only right view. Some of us have friends who have been subject to consent violations and abhor what certain people do to others,and are passionate about education and discussion. It still does not mean that being heated about a matter makes a person right.

My own view is that using terms such as false and real is not helpful on two levels. On the first level as people have already mentioned that whether doms or subs are considered fake or real can merely be an issue of compatibility.

The second level are people who are consistently ignoring safe words or agreed limits, these people are neither real or fake doms/dommes but are predatory abusers plain and simple.

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By *ndefiniteSparkMan
over a year ago

ignites minds to unite ...

"I am glad the heat has been taken out of this discussion.

The second level are people who are consistently ignoring safe words or agreed limits, these people are neither real or fake doms/dommes but are predatory abusers plain and simple.

Finally someone talking some some sense

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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago

north and south

"I am glad the heat has been taken out of this discussion.

The second level are people who are consistently ignoring safe words or agreed limits, these people are neither real or fake doms/dommes but are predatory abusers plain and simple.

"
As Falcon says it's a interaction between the dom and the sub and everything should be agreed beforehand the submissive is agreeable to all the stuff she wants dom to do and she can handle, The Dom does not need to show his hand , He more then likely has a few subjects that appreciate his confidence control and his discretion

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By *ndefiniteSparkMan
over a year ago

ignites minds to unite ...

There is no , real/fake , true/false .

There is "one"

One for one.

One dom for one sub.

Most importantly , this not only can't be defined in just one way , it should not be attempted to be defined , it will define itself but definitely won't be defined by others , only the two inside will ever get a chance to define it , or is it a chance to define themselves ?

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By *ohnjones3210Man
over a year ago

Chester

"Are their any out their ? "

Yeah, me, I've got the deep voice, I hand abuse out freely, I have plenty of cleaning for you to do, and I even wear the black batman cape!

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Are their any out their ?

Yeah, me, I've got the deep voice, I hand abuse out freely, I have plenty of cleaning for you to do, and I even wear the black batman cape!

You’re not a true Dom until you have a black Spider-Man outfit.

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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago

north and south

"Are their any out their ?

Yeah, me, I've got the deep voice, I hand abuse out freely, I have plenty of cleaning for you to do, and I even wear the black batman cape!

"
If your wearing a mask ?? my garden needs done ?

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

"Are their any out their ?

Yeah, me, I've got the deep voice, I hand abuse out freely, I have plenty of cleaning for you to do, and I even wear the black batman cape!

You’re not a true Dom until you have a black Spider-Man outfit."

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Are their any out their ?

Yeah, me, I've got the deep voice, I hand abuse out freely, I have plenty of cleaning for you to do, and I even wear the black batman cape!

You’re not a true Dom until you have a black Spider-Man outfit.

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem

The second level are people who are consistently ignoring safe words or agreed limits, these people are neither real or fake doms/dommes but are predatory abusers plain and simple.

These people use the title of Dom this is what is being pointed out. Those who know what the roles of a dominant entails know they aren't Doms hence fake doms they have no intention of understanding what it is to be a Dom. Abusers using the guise of being dominant whos main target group are new to the scene and wishing to try being a sub.

Fake - not the real thing, imitation

So expressing as there is no such thing as a fake dom I'd beg to differ on that

Wolf who wears sheep's clothing says he's a sheep doesnt make him a sheep he's still going to eat that flock makes the Wolf a fake sheep an imposter, an imitation

A fake dom is an abuser masquerading in order get what they want.

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By *ohnjones3210Man
over a year ago

Chester

"Are their any out their ?

Yeah, me, I've got the deep voice, I hand abuse out freely, I have plenty of cleaning for you to do, and I even wear the black batman cape!

If your wearing a mask ?? my garden needs done ? "

Ok, I'm contracting my dommness out for a fee. I have an empty slot early next week. I'll get 4 naked women on the job, I'll get them to beg, and suck dick for the tools. They'll also work naked and in a lead. Can probably do it for 209 quid or so.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

The second level are people who are consistently ignoring safe words or agreed limits, these people are neither real or fake doms/dommes but are predatory abusers plain and simple.

Fake - not the real thing, imitation

So expressing as there is no such thing as a fake dom I'd beg to differ on that

Wolf who wears sheep's clothing says he's a sheep doesnt make him a sheep he's still going to eat that flock makes the Wolf a fake sheep an imposter, an imitation

A fake dom is an abuser masquerading in order get what they want.

Could that beg the question, a fake sub is a pillow princess who hasn’t got what she wanted?

There is no need for abuse in either the fet or vanilla world. It happens, unfortunately I suspect porn labels D/s in a bad light.

B/d is great fun on a light note.

D/s relationships are stunning.

S/m has amused me.

If it’s not fun, don’t do it.

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem

The second level are people who are consistently ignoring safe words or agreed limits, these people are neither real or fake doms/dommes but are predatory abusers plain and simple.

Fake - not the real thing, imitation

So expressing as there is no such thing as a fake dom I'd beg to differ on that

Wolf who wears sheep's clothing says he's a sheep doesnt make him a sheep he's still going to eat that flock makes the Wolf a fake sheep an imposter, an imitation

A fake dom is an abuser masquerading in order get what they want.

Could that beg the question, a fake sub is a pillow princess who hasn’t got what she wanted?

There is no need for abuse in either the fet or vanilla world. It happens, unfortunately I suspect porn labels D/s in a bad light.

B/d is great fun on a light note.

D/s relationships are stunning.

S/m has amused me.

If it’s not fun, don’t do it.

The discussion is validity of what a real vs fake dom is. But feel free to add since you pointed out earlier questioning another about there being no real Doms

Let's understands the risks of a fake sub. What is a fake sub? How can one be described as real or fake sub? What harm does a fake sub bring to the community? What if it's a fake switch

Please carry on let's discuss this, you clearly express an interest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been collared to mine for seven years and watched him play with numerous women and men. He's an artist

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

The second level are people who are consistently ignoring safe words or agreed limits, these people are neither real or fake doms/dommes but are predatory abusers plain and simple.

Fake - not the real thing, imitation

So expressing as there is no such thing as a fake dom I'd beg to differ on that

Wolf who wears sheep's clothing says he's a sheep doesnt make him a sheep he's still going to eat that flock makes the Wolf a fake sheep an imposter, an imitation

A fake dom is an abuser masquerading in order get what they want.

Could that beg the question, a fake sub is a pillow princess who hasn’t got what she wanted?

There is no need for abuse in either the fet or vanilla world. It happens, unfortunately I suspect porn labels D/s in a bad light.

B/d is great fun on a light note.

D/s relationships are stunning.

S/m has amused me.

If it’s not fun, don’t do it.

The discussion is validity of what a real vs fake dom is. But feel free to add since you pointed out earlier questioning another about there being no real Doms

Let's understands the risks of a fake sub. What is a fake sub? How can one be described as real or fake sub? What harm does a fake sub bring to the community? What if it's a fake switch

Please carry on let's discuss this, you clearly express an interest"

Smiles) no not really, I know a stunning relationship when I enter one.

So really, plastic Dom’s and subs don’t interest me.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

The second level are people who are consistently ignoring safe words or agreed limits, these people are neither real or fake doms/dommes but are predatory abusers plain and simple.

Fake - not the real thing, imitation

So expressing as there is no such thing as a fake dom I'd beg to differ on that

Wolf who wears sheep's clothing says he's a sheep doesnt make him a sheep he's still going to eat that flock makes the Wolf a fake sheep an imposter, an imitation

A fake dom is an abuser masquerading in order get what they want.

I would say in response that you are referring to an assumption that there is a cookie cutter personality of a "real dom" but most people do kink for a variety of reasons and have a variety of personalities.

The mantra of a dom should be to be as safe as possible and as considerate as possible.

But by using the term dom no-one is saying that they are cookie cutter dom. That is something of new thinking. Saying that you are dom is saying no more than you like control. Therefore there is no wolf in sheep's clothing. There is nothing fake.

I often use the example of mountaineering. If a new person walks into a place where mountaineers hangs out and says they want to go climbing. The new person speaks to a person and sets out their limitations. They climb and the mountaineer takes them up Everest and nearly kills the new person. The mountaineer is not fake, or "not a real mountaineer" they may be very skilled. But they are however a dangerous liability.

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem

The second level are people who are consistently ignoring safe words or agreed limits, these people are neither real or fake doms/dommes but are predatory abusers plain and simple.

Fake - not the real thing, imitation

So expressing as there is no such thing as a fake dom I'd beg to differ on that

Wolf who wears sheep's clothing says he's a sheep doesnt make him a sheep he's still going to eat that flock makes the Wolf a fake sheep an imposter, an imitation

A fake dom is an abuser masquerading in order get what they want.

The mantra of a dom should be to be as safe as possible and as considerate as possible.

From everything I've said where have I expressed there's one type of Dom cookie cutter one size fits all?

I'm an Alpha Primal, far from the norms of what people think about when BDSM is mentioned.

I'm tired of repeating myself

Good luck newbies to the scene stay safe

Research research research

Ask questions, lay out boundaries be specific

Be sensible get to know the person before you put yourself into a situation where you're vulnerable and can't protect yourself. Common sense just because someone says they are a Dom doesn't mean they are

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

The second level are people who are consistently ignoring safe words or agreed limits, these people are neither real or fake doms/dommes but are predatory abusers plain and simple.

Fake - not the real thing, imitation

So expressing as there is no such thing as a fake dom I'd beg to differ on that

Wolf who wears sheep's clothing says he's a sheep doesnt make him a sheep he's still going to eat that flock makes the Wolf a fake sheep an imposter, an imitation

A fake dom is an abuser masquerading in order get what they want.

The mantra of a dom should be to be as safe as possible and as considerate as possible.

From everything I've said where have I expressed there's one type of Dom cookie cutter one size fits all?

I'm an Alpha Primal, far from the norms of what people think about when BDSM is mentioned.

I'm tired of repeating myself

Good luck newbies to the scene stay safe

Research research research

Ask questions, lay out boundaries be specific

Also, have fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m saying nothing .......

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

The second level are people who are consistently ignoring safe words or agreed limits, these people are neither real or fake doms/dommes but are predatory abusers plain and simple.

Fake - not the real thing, imitation

So expressing as there is no such thing as a fake dom I'd beg to differ on that

Wolf who wears sheep's clothing says he's a sheep doesnt make him a sheep he's still going to eat that flock makes the Wolf a fake sheep an imposter, an imitation

A fake dom is an abuser masquerading in order get what they want.

The mantra of a dom should be to be as safe as possible and as considerate as possible.

From everything I've said where have I expressed there's one type of Dom cookie cutter one size fits all?

I'm an Alpha Primal, far from the norms of what people think about when BDSM is mentioned.

I'm tired of repeating myself

Good luck newbies to the scene stay safe

Research research research

Ask questions, lay out boundaries be specific

People and their responses make me smile wryly.

However, I am glad we have reached something on which we can agree.

What you have said in the last paragraph I have been saying over the last four years on BDSM threads in the forum.

The only change I would make to your last comments is for dom's be wary of subs and don't just jump in to play no matter how willing the sub. Both parties need to do their research. An easy example is when doing rope some people do a Japanese Kinbaku style. If they were to play with someone expecting a western style hands at a distance I want pretty rope for a lovely picture, they will find themselves accused of consent violation. It is up to both parties to know the parameters of play.

Call me a wuss but I believe in defensive domming,a bit like defensive doctoring but without the medical qualification.

Be safe, have fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If there are they probably won't answer this.

But the wannabes and fake doms might. "
lol a wannabe dom I'm naturally dominant does that count

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem

The second level are people who are consistently ignoring safe words or agreed limits, these people are neither real or fake doms/dommes but are predatory abusers plain and simple.

Fake - not the real thing, imitation

So expressing as there is no such thing as a fake dom I'd beg to differ on that

Wolf who wears sheep's clothing says he's a sheep doesnt make him a sheep he's still going to eat that flock makes the Wolf a fake sheep an imposter, an imitation

A fake dom is an abuser masquerading in order get what they want.

The mantra of a dom should be to be as safe as possible and as considerate as possible.

From everything I've said where have I expressed there's one type of Dom cookie cutter one size fits all?

I'm an Alpha Primal, far from the norms of what people think about when BDSM is mentioned.

I'm tired of repeating myself

Good luck newbies to the scene stay safe

Research research research

Ask questions, lay out boundaries be specific

People and their responses make me smile wryly.

However, I am glad we have reached something on which we can agree.

What you have said in the last paragraph I have been saying over the last four years on BDSM threads in the forum.

Call me a wuss but I believe in defensive domming,a bit like defensive doctoring but without the medical qualification.

Be safe, have fun. "

This forum threads focus was on Doms real vs fake.

Touching on submissive and issues I've encountered with new subs.

They say they are no limits, can do anything to them they have no boundaries. So questions I ask them are things along the line of cbt? "Forced" feminization? Being pegged? Etc

There is always boundaries and limits, the replies I get are no couldn't do cbt they are not into pain. So certainly its not no limits and certainly couldn't do just anything to them. I ask them to consider what they like and usual reply is they don't know. I ask them what have you seen thats caused arousal or fantasy? And so we start from there. Usually it's a photo, porno, someone's mentioned it or seen it in a club.

I explain to them it's an adventure and a journey that I would happily guide them within my limits and boundaries.

Sadly many of which want to rush straight in no work on trust or mental connection understanding each other face to face discussion about it basically the beginning social meet, arranging the contract and I'm uncomfortable with that I certainly don't want to be arrested for causing bodily harm because they decided after they really didn't like it though that's what was requested of me. So the most il do with anyone without a contract is some strap on play, a bit of light flogging or spanking, and gentle cbt that's as far as il go

I wouldn't say there's fake subs just subs lacking knowledge and understanding they are still submissive or subs who wish to flip their nature their role and give their will to another. Many subs I've known have fallen into abusers traps and left with lasting memories and scars. Because they crave the domination, to be submissive but their knowledge is just as basic as most of societies look on what BDSM is and that the dominant has full control and power over a submissive and the dominant can do what ever they like to them because thats what they think it is all about. Which is why so many people judge BDSM they think it's the abusers way of thinking. A proper BDSM relationship in what ever manner it may be is safe, consensual, mutually agreed and mutually beneficial then that that's what should be focused on presenting to the world. More knowledge shared for people who want to join and be a part of the BDSM community and protecting them as best as the community can than leaving them to experience the bad and the worst of it for themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d expect an experienced Dom to ask me questions first and have a conversation about expectations. I don’t expect to be told what they’re going to do. As others have said being a Dom isn’t about abusing the sub.

I’ve struggled to find a compatible Dom. I’ve had a Dom and a Domme but none recently. "

Very good choice of terminology: experienced Dom is much better than real, and the opposite, inexperienced better than fake. Then you bring in compatibility - thank you.

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem

Putting it as simple as possible

Experienced Dom = Dom

Inexperienced Dom = Dom but a wannabe hasn't researched much still learning but has some concept of consent and respect

Fake dom = abuser nothing more nothing less, has no interest in consensual acts it's all about them

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Do you have to get a certificate to be real?

This thread is becoming hilarious.

You cannot fake authenticity.

It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve watched fifty shades, how many BDSM blogs you’ve read, you either are or you are not a Dominant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you have to get a certificate to be real?

This thread is becoming hilarious.

You cannot fake authenticity.

It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve watched fifty shades, how many BDSM blogs you’ve read, you either are or you are not a Dominant.

"
I'm a dominant end of

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

and i dont like marmite there i said it

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