Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
 | Back to forum list |
| Back to Swingers Chat |
| Jump to newest |  |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"They tend to be the cause of misunderstanding" How do you mean? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"We're daddy and brat... " High five fellow brat!! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"They tend to be the cause of misunderstanding How do you mean? " People misunderstand the dynamic and it leads to arguments | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I had never come across the D/s dynamic until being here. Having talked to others I found it interesting and at 1 point alluring but not so much now. Donyou find being a Dom hard work?" I enjoy taking control of a female sub or a sub/cuck couple so don't find it hard work. I get a lot of positive energy from Domming and find it a great stress reliever. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I had never come across the D/s dynamic until being here. Having talked to others I found it interesting and at 1 point alluring but not so much now. Donyou find being a Dom hard work? I enjoy taking control of a female sub or a sub/cuck couple so don't find it hard work. I get a lot of positive energy from Domming and find it a great stress reliever. "  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"There are plenty, although there are plenty who seem to think it means things it doesn't. " Yes I agree. Many guys think it is easy sex and don't realise the time and effort that goes into building a D/s relationship. There are a lot of easier ways to get sex. For me this is about control. Sex is part of it but for me it is not the most important part. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Do you stand by the line you said in another thread earlier "being a Dom is about what you want, not her"? "Oh my. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Do you stand by the line you said in another thread earlier "being a Dom is about what you want, not her"?
Oh my. " | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Do you stand by the line you said in another thread earlier "being a Dom is about what you want, not her"? "Not sure what thread you are referring to but yes that is what I believe. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Do you stand by the line you said in another thread earlier "being a Dom is about what you want, not her"?
Not sure what thread you are referring to but yes that is what I believe. "Wow  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Do you stand by the line you said in another thread earlier "being a Dom is about what you want, not her"?
Not sure what thread you are referring to but yes that is what I believe. "So would you respect a subs hard limits and safe words. Because that makes it sound like you wouldn't!! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Do you stand by the line you said in another thread earlier "being a Dom is about what you want, not her"?
Not sure what thread you are referring to but yes that is what I believe.
So would you respect a subs hard limits and safe words. Because that makes it sound like you wouldn't!! "Yes I always respect subs hard limits. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Sorry OP but we have very differing views on the fundamentals of a D/s dynamic. This is exactly why I've never hooked up with "Doms" on fab. "Agreed. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. " I'd have to disagree on that. Everyone likes different things, sure. But the overall consensus for those who really understand it all is that the sub holds the power and control. You say it's all about what you want. That doesn't fit in with the fundamentals of a D/s relationship. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Sorry OP but we have very differing views on the fundamentals of a D/s dynamic. This is exactly why I've never hooked up with "Doms" on fab.
Agreed. "I have met a couple as the true Doms know how to communicate. The dim doms do not and are very easy to spot. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Sorry OP but we have very differing views on the fundamentals of a D/s dynamic. This is exactly why I've never hooked up with "Doms" on fab.
Agreed. "Yup, if it evolves naturally with someone very regular who is not a dim dom and willing to be there for aftercare then great. I try to avoid anyone on fab with dom as part of their name or in their profile. They have generally seen 50 shades of shit or watched too much porn and think they are experts. This type of person can do an untold amount of physical and/or psychological damage to their subs. I know this to be true due to personal experience. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Sorry OP but we have very differing views on the fundamentals of a D/s dynamic. This is exactly why I've never hooked up with "Doms" on fab. "most of the so called "Doms" on fab are all mouth and no action. Wouldn't even know the terms involved in BDSM and have called themselves "Doms" or "Master" to get more women. Pretty easy to spot if you have an kind of kink knowledge at all. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. " Absolutely agree with this. Can't stand people who think their way is the only way. As long as everyone involved has consented and is happy and safe people need to keep their noses out. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Sorry OP but we have very differing views on the fundamentals of a D/s dynamic. This is exactly why I've never hooked up with "Doms" on fab.
Agreed.
Yup, if it evolves naturally with someone very regular who is not a dim dom and willing to be there for aftercare then great. I try to avoid anyone on fab with dom as part of their name or in their profile. They have generally seen 50 shades of shit or watched too much porn and think they are experts. This type of person can do an untold amount of physical and/or psychological damage to their subs. I know this to be true due to personal experience. "Absolutely agree! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. Absolutely agree with this. Can't stand people who think their way is the only way. As long as everyone involved has consented and is happy and safe people need to keep their noses out." Oh I don't think my way is the only way! I know it isn't. I also know how damaging it can be for "Doms" to think it's all about their pleasure and what they want. Fundamentally, it isn't. This is a public forum. A place for people to openly give an opinion. We don't have to agree with everyone and are free to disagree | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Do you stand by the line you said in another thread earlier "being a Dom is about what you want, not her"?
Not sure what thread you are referring to but yes that is what I believe. "Thanks. Just wanted everyone in this thread to understand you're not an actual/proper/real dom.. Seeya. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. I'd have to disagree on that. Everyone likes different things, sure. But the overall consensus for those who really understand it all is that the sub holds the power and control. You say it's all about what you want. That doesn't fit in with the fundamentals of a D/s relationship. " Disagree. Some people want to give their Master/Dom the power to have them do what they want even if it isn't what the sub wants to do. Of course they set their hard limits but beyond this they want to relinquish all control. What they want is for things to be all about what the D wants. Of course the sub holds of the power in that they have to consent to this in the first place and have limits and safewords but that doesn't mean it isn't possible to have a dynamic that is focused on the D types wants if that is what both parties want it to be like. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. I'd have to disagree on that. Everyone likes different things, sure. But the overall consensus for those who really understand it all is that the sub holds the power and control. You say it's all about what you want. That doesn't fit in with the fundamentals of a D/s relationship. Disagree. Some people want to give their Master/Dom the power to have them do what they want even if it isn't what the sub wants to do. Of course they set their hard limits but beyond this they want to relinquish all control. What they want is for things to be all about what the D wants. Of course the sub holds of the power in that they have to consent to this in the first place and have limits and safewords but that doesn't mean it isn't possible to have a dynamic that is focused on the D types wants if that is what both parties want it to be like." But if that's what the sub wants then it isn't just about the Doms desires....that is my point. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. I'd have to disagree on that. Everyone likes different things, sure. But the overall consensus for those who really understand it all is that the sub holds the power and control. You say it's all about what you want. That doesn't fit in with the fundamentals of a D/s relationship. Disagree. Some people want to give their Master/Dom the power to have them do what they want even if it isn't what the sub wants to do. Of course they set their hard limits but beyond this they want to relinquish all control. What they want is for things to be all about what the D wants. Of course the sub holds of the power in that they have to consent to this in the first place and have limits and safewords but that doesn't mean it isn't possible to have a dynamic that is focused on the D types wants if that is what both parties want it to be like. But if that's what the sub wants then it isn't just about the Doms desires....that is my point. "
It's never *just* about what the Dom wants. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. Absolutely agree with this. Can't stand people who think their way is the only way. As long as everyone involved has consented and is happy and safe people need to keep their noses out. Oh I don't think my way is the only way! I know it isn't. I also know how damaging it can be for "Doms" to think it's all about their pleasure and what they want. Fundamentally, it isn't. This is a public forum. A place for people to openly give an opinion. We don't have to agree with everyone and are free to disagree "I never said anyone couldn't disagree on this forum. When I said keep their noses out I meant of other people's relationships and dynamics when they haven't asked for it. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. Absolutely agree with this. Can't stand people who think their way is the only way. As long as everyone involved has consented and is happy and safe people need to keep their noses out. Oh I don't think my way is the only way! I know it isn't. I also know how damaging it can be for "Doms" to think it's all about their pleasure and what they want. Fundamentally, it isn't. This is a public forum. A place for people to openly give an opinion. We don't have to agree with everyone and are free to disagree
I never said anyone couldn't disagree on this forum. When I said keep their noses out I meant of other people's relationships and dynamics when they haven't asked for it."Again...open forum. It's a place specifically for sharing views on different subjects. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Do you stand by the line you said in another thread earlier "being a Dom is about what you want, not her"?
Not sure what thread you are referring to but yes that is what I believe. "I'm almost completely the opposite way round. When I dominate someone, I read them. I watch their reactions to what I do and what I say. I figure out what it is that they desire, what they need, and what they crave. And then give them exactly that. Plus a whole lot of fucking  . I'm afraid I'm a very horny individual - domming from me comes with a lot of sex attached. It's almost like I dominate through sex.
I digress though - the main point is that I practice domination by giving subs what they want (in a deep down sort of way). And I don't think I'm boasting to say that the results are very good - satisfying for both (or all) parties.
So being a dom certainly does *not* have to be about what you want and not her. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. Absolutely agree with this. Can't stand people who think their way is the only way. As long as everyone involved has consented and is happy and safe people need to keep their noses out. Oh I don't think my way is the only way! I know it isn't. I also know how damaging it can be for "Doms" to think it's all about their pleasure and what they want. Fundamentally, it isn't. This is a public forum. A place for people to openly give an opinion. We don't have to agree with everyone and are free to disagree
I never said anyone couldn't disagree on this forum. When I said keep their noses out I meant of other people's relationships and dynamics when they haven't asked for it.
Again...open forum.
It's a place specifically for sharing views on different subjects.
"I'm literally not talking about the forums or any forum. There's a whole world that exists outside of the internet. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. Absolutely agree with this. Can't stand people who think their way is the only way. As long as everyone involved has consented and is happy and safe people need to keep their noses out. Oh I don't think my way is the only way! I know it isn't. I also know how damaging it can be for "Doms" to think it's all about their pleasure and what they want. Fundamentally, it isn't. This is a public forum. A place for people to openly give an opinion. We don't have to agree with everyone and are free to disagree
I never said anyone couldn't disagree on this forum. When I said keep their noses out I meant of other people's relationships and dynamics when they haven't asked for it.
Again...open forum.
It's a place specifically for sharing views on different subjects.
I'm literally not talking about the forums or any forum. There's a whole world that exists outside of the internet."Do people randomly poke their noses in and pass judgement on this kinda thing irl? Most people don't know it's going on unless someone literally mentions it and asks for an opinion.... I've never experienced that. Hence my thinking you were talking about comments made here. Thankfully I'm aware of the big wide world  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. Absolutely agree with this. Can't stand people who think their way is the only way. As long as everyone involved has consented and is happy and safe people need to keep their noses out. Oh I don't think my way is the only way! I know it isn't. I also know how damaging it can be for "Doms" to think it's all about their pleasure and what they want. Fundamentally, it isn't. This is a public forum. A place for people to openly give an opinion. We don't have to agree with everyone and are free to disagree
I never said anyone couldn't disagree on this forum. When I said keep their noses out I meant of other people's relationships and dynamics when they haven't asked for it.
Again...open forum.
It's a place specifically for sharing views on different subjects.
I'm literally not talking about the forums or any forum. There's a whole world that exists outside of the internet.
Do people randomly poke their noses in and pass judgement on this kinda thing irl?
Most people don't know it's going on unless someone literally mentions it and asks for an opinion....
I've never experienced that. Hence my thinking you were talking about comments made here.
Thankfully I'm aware of the big wide world "Yes they do. I've seen it many times. There are many who think there is "the one true way" and everyone else is wrong. Why would they not know it was going on? I know my other friends dynamics. Other kinksters I'm not friends with but aware of, I know what their dynamics are. When you meet other kinksters at kink social or BDSM club night you can often pick up on aspects of their dynamics. I've had friends have judgemental comments about them having an enforced bedtime, their partner choosing their clothing, food or make up for them or for their partner getting to tell them they're not allowed to buy something they want. However this is the dynamic they want and what makes them happy and it's crap that people feel the need to shame them simply because they do things a different way and therefore think others who are different are doing things wrong. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. Absolutely agree with this. Can't stand people who think their way is the only way. As long as everyone involved has consented and is happy and safe people need to keep their noses out. Oh I don't think my way is the only way! I know it isn't. I also know how damaging it can be for "Doms" to think it's all about their pleasure and what they want. Fundamentally, it isn't. This is a public forum. A place for people to openly give an opinion. We don't have to agree with everyone and are free to disagree
I never said anyone couldn't disagree on this forum. When I said keep their noses out I meant of other people's relationships and dynamics when they haven't asked for it.
Again...open forum.
It's a place specifically for sharing views on different subjects.
I'm literally not talking about the forums or any forum. There's a whole world that exists outside of the internet.
Do people randomly poke their noses in and pass judgement on this kinda thing irl?
Most people don't know it's going on unless someone literally mentions it and asks for an opinion....
I've never experienced that. Hence my thinking you were talking about comments made here.
Thankfully I'm aware of the big wide world
Yes they do. I've seen it many times. There are many who think there is "the one true way" and everyone else is wrong.
Why would they not know it was going on? I know my other friends dynamics. Other kinksters I'm not friends with but aware of, I know what their dynamics are. When you meet other kinksters at kink social or BDSM club night you can often pick up on aspects of their dynamics.
I've had friends have judgemental comments about them having an enforced bedtime, their partner choosing their clothing, food or make up for them or for their partner getting to tell them they're not allowed to buy something they want. However this is the dynamic they want and what makes them happy and it's crap that people feel the need to shame them simply because they do things a different way and therefore think others who are different are doing things wrong."I don't disagree with you there | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. Absolutely agree with this. Can't stand people who think their way is the only way. As long as everyone involved has consented and is happy and safe people need to keep their noses out. Oh I don't think my way is the only way! I know it isn't. I also know how damaging it can be for "Doms" to think it's all about their pleasure and what they want. Fundamentally, it isn't. This is a public forum. A place for people to openly give an opinion. We don't have to agree with everyone and are free to disagree
I never said anyone couldn't disagree on this forum. When I said keep their noses out I meant of other people's relationships and dynamics when they haven't asked for it.
Again...open forum.
It's a place specifically for sharing views on different subjects.
I'm literally not talking about the forums or any forum. There's a whole world that exists outside of the internet.
Do people randomly poke their noses in and pass judgement on this kinda thing irl?
Most people don't know it's going on unless someone literally mentions it and asks for an opinion....
I've never experienced that. Hence my thinking you were talking about comments made here.
Thankfully I'm aware of the big wide world
Yes they do. I've seen it many times. There are many who think there is "the one true way" and everyone else is wrong.
Why would they not know it was going on? I know my other friends dynamics. Other kinksters I'm not friends with but aware of, I know what their dynamics are. When you meet other kinksters at kink social or BDSM club night you can often pick up on aspects of their dynamics.
I've had friends have judgemental comments about them having an enforced bedtime, their partner choosing their clothing, food or make up for them or for their partner getting to tell them they're not allowed to buy something they want. However this is the dynamic they want and what makes them happy and it's crap that people feel the need to shame them simply because they do things a different way and therefore think others who are different are doing things wrong."Yes I total agree with this. The dynamics are agreed between the Dom and the sub and hard limits agreed between. What they agree is between them and no one has the right to say it is wrong. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. Absolutely agree with this. Can't stand people who think their way is the only way. As long as everyone involved has consented and is happy and safe people need to keep their noses out. Oh I don't think my way is the only way! I know it isn't. I also know how damaging it can be for "Doms" to think it's all about their pleasure and what they want. Fundamentally, it isn't. This is a public forum. A place for people to openly give an opinion. We don't have to agree with everyone and are free to disagree
I never said anyone couldn't disagree on this forum. When I said keep their noses out I meant of other people's relationships and dynamics when they haven't asked for it.
Again...open forum.
It's a place specifically for sharing views on different subjects.
I'm literally not talking about the forums or any forum. There's a whole world that exists outside of the internet.
Do people randomly poke their noses in and pass judgement on this kinda thing irl?
Most people don't know it's going on unless someone literally mentions it and asks for an opinion....
I've never experienced that. Hence my thinking you were talking about comments made here.
Thankfully I'm aware of the big wide world
Yes they do. I've seen it many times. There are many who think there is "the one true way" and everyone else is wrong.
Why would they not know it was going on? I know my other friends dynamics. Other kinksters I'm not friends with but aware of, I know what their dynamics are. When you meet other kinksters at kink social or BDSM club night you can often pick up on aspects of their dynamics.
I've had friends have judgemental comments about them having an enforced bedtime, their partner choosing their clothing, food or make up for them or for their partner getting to tell them they're not allowed to buy something they want. However this is the dynamic they want and what makes them happy and it's crap that people feel the need to shame them simply because they do things a different way and therefore think others who are different are doing things wrong.
Yes I total agree with this. The dynamics are agreed between the Dom and the sub and hard limits agreed between. What they agree is between them and no one has the right to say it is wrong. "If both people are happy and consenting, absolutely. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"We're daddy and brat... High five fellow brat!! " Waves to you both from a lil. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'm switch.. buf I prefer to just observe the natural dynamic and flow with it.. rather than influence it overly. I can be very dominant. I cant fake it with the wrong person though.. well I can.. but i dont want to." This is how I tend to be as well. At the moment (ha, for the last 8 months) I've leant heavily towards submission. I can always pull out Domme mode with the right people though. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. Absolutely agree with this. Can't stand people who think their way is the only way. As long as everyone involved has consented and is happy and safe people need to keep their noses out. Oh I don't think my way is the only way! I know it isn't. I also know how damaging it can be for "Doms" to think it's all about their pleasure and what they want. Fundamentally, it isn't. This is a public forum. A place for people to openly give an opinion. We don't have to agree with everyone and are free to disagree
I never said anyone couldn't disagree on this forum. When I said keep their noses out I meant of other people's relationships and dynamics when they haven't asked for it.
Again...open forum.
It's a place specifically for sharing views on different subjects.
I'm literally not talking about the forums or any forum. There's a whole world that exists outside of the internet.
Do people randomly poke their noses in and pass judgement on this kinda thing irl?
Most people don't know it's going on unless someone literally mentions it and asks for an opinion....
I've never experienced that. Hence my thinking you were talking about comments made here.
Thankfully I'm aware of the big wide world
Yes they do. I've seen it many times. There are many who think there is "the one true way" and everyone else is wrong.
Why would they not know it was going on? I know my other friends dynamics. Other kinksters I'm not friends with but aware of, I know what their dynamics are. When you meet other kinksters at kink social or BDSM club night you can often pick up on aspects of their dynamics.
I've had friends have judgemental comments about them having an enforced bedtime, their partner choosing their clothing, food or make up for them or for their partner getting to tell them they're not allowed to buy something they want. However this is the dynamic they want and what makes them happy and it's crap that people feel the need to shame them simply because they do things a different way and therefore think others who are different are doing things wrong.
Yes I total agree with this. The dynamics are agreed between the Dom and the sub and hard limits agreed between. What they agree is between them and no one has the right to say it is wrong. "I'm curious do you tell any that choose to play with you that the only say they get is their hard limits or to walk away? If it's only about you and what you want do you totally disregard their pleasure and wellbeing such as aftercare and mental support? Do they not have any right to express displeasure at something to do with you? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" I've had friends have judgemental comments about them having an enforced bedtime, their partner choosing their clothing, food or make up for them or for their partner getting to tell them they're not allowed to buy something they want. However this is the dynamic they want and what makes them happy and it's crap that people feel the need to shame them simply because they do things a different way and therefore think others who are different are doing things wrong." Good job as ever, Lacey  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. Absolutely agree with this. Can't stand people who think their way is the only way. As long as everyone involved has consented and is happy and safe people need to keep their noses out. Oh I don't think my way is the only way! I know it isn't. I also know how damaging it can be for "Doms" to think it's all about their pleasure and what they want. Fundamentally, it isn't. This is a public forum. A place for people to openly give an opinion. We don't have to agree with everyone and are free to disagree
I never said anyone couldn't disagree on this forum. When I said keep their noses out I meant of other people's relationships and dynamics when they haven't asked for it.
Again...open forum.
It's a place specifically for sharing views on different subjects.
I'm literally not talking about the forums or any forum. There's a whole world that exists outside of the internet.
Do people randomly poke their noses in and pass judgement on this kinda thing irl?
Most people don't know it's going on unless someone literally mentions it and asks for an opinion....
I've never experienced that. Hence my thinking you were talking about comments made here.
Thankfully I'm aware of the big wide world
Yes they do. I've seen it many times. There are many who think there is "the one true way" and everyone else is wrong.
Why would they not know it was going on? I know my other friends dynamics. Other kinksters I'm not friends with but aware of, I know what their dynamics are. When you meet other kinksters at kink social or BDSM club night you can often pick up on aspects of their dynamics.
I've had friends have judgemental comments about them having an enforced bedtime, their partner choosing their clothing, food or make up for them or for their partner getting to tell them they're not allowed to buy something they want. However this is the dynamic they want and what makes them happy and it's crap that people feel the need to shame them simply because they do things a different way and therefore think others who are different are doing things wrong.
Yes I total agree with this. The dynamics are agreed between the Dom and the sub and hard limits agreed between. What they agree is between them and no one has the right to say it is wrong.
I'm curious do you tell any that choose to play with you that the only say they get is their hard limits or to walk away?
If it's only about you and what you want do you totally disregard their pleasure and wellbeing such as aftercare and mental support?
Do they not have any right to express displeasure at something to do with you?"Wow that's hell of a lot of assumptions. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" I've had friends have judgemental comments about them having an enforced bedtime, their partner choosing their clothing, food or make up for them or for their partner getting to tell them they're not allowed to buy something they want. However this is the dynamic they want and what makes them happy and it's crap that people feel the need to shame them simply because they do things a different way and therefore think others who are different are doing things wrong. Good job as ever, Lacey "Oh you *blushes and blows kisses* | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. Absolutely agree with this. Can't stand people who think their way is the only way. As long as everyone involved has consented and is happy and safe people need to keep their noses out. Oh I don't think my way is the only way! I know it isn't. I also know how damaging it can be for "Doms" to think it's all about their pleasure and what they want. Fundamentally, it isn't. This is a public forum. A place for people to openly give an opinion. We don't have to agree with everyone and are free to disagree
I never said anyone couldn't disagree on this forum. When I said keep their noses out I meant of other people's relationships and dynamics when they haven't asked for it.
Again...open forum.
It's a place specifically for sharing views on different subjects.
I'm literally not talking about the forums or any forum. There's a whole world that exists outside of the internet.
Do people randomly poke their noses in and pass judgement on this kinda thing irl?
Most people don't know it's going on unless someone literally mentions it and asks for an opinion....
I've never experienced that. Hence my thinking you were talking about comments made here.
Thankfully I'm aware of the big wide world
Yes they do. I've seen it many times. There are many who think there is "the one true way" and everyone else is wrong.
Why would they not know it was going on? I know my other friends dynamics. Other kinksters I'm not friends with but aware of, I know what their dynamics are. When you meet other kinksters at kink social or BDSM club night you can often pick up on aspects of their dynamics.
I've had friends have judgemental comments about them having an enforced bedtime, their partner choosing their clothing, food or make up for them or for their partner getting to tell them they're not allowed to buy something they want. However this is the dynamic they want and what makes them happy and it's crap that people feel the need to shame them simply because they do things a different way and therefore think others who are different are doing things wrong.
Yes I total agree with this. The dynamics are agreed between the Dom and the sub and hard limits agreed between. What they agree is between them and no one has the right to say it is wrong.
I'm curious do you tell any that choose to play with you that the only say they get is their hard limits or to walk away?
If it's only about you and what you want do you totally disregard their pleasure and wellbeing such as aftercare and mental support?
Do they not have any right to express displeasure at something to do with you?
Wow that's hell of a lot of assumptions."How so? Simply intrigued by another's dynamic. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" Wow that's hell of a lot of assumptions. How so? Simply intrigued by another's dynamic." Well, for starters, I think you've misconstrued what was said. He simply said that after negotiation, it's nobody else's business what goes on. It's exceptionally common to find that there are safeword systems in place so that the play can always be stopped by either party, and any discussion that needs to happen can be had. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. Absolutely agree with this. Can't stand people who think their way is the only way. As long as everyone involved has consented and is happy and safe people need to keep their noses out. Oh I don't think my way is the only way! I know it isn't. I also know how damaging it can be for "Doms" to think it's all about their pleasure and what they want. Fundamentally, it isn't. This is a public forum. A place for people to openly give an opinion. We don't have to agree with everyone and are free to disagree
I never said anyone couldn't disagree on this forum. When I said keep their noses out I meant of other people's relationships and dynamics when they haven't asked for it.
Again...open forum.
It's a place specifically for sharing views on different subjects.
I'm literally not talking about the forums or any forum. There's a whole world that exists outside of the internet.
Do people randomly poke their noses in and pass judgement on this kinda thing irl?
Most people don't know it's going on unless someone literally mentions it and asks for an opinion....
I've never experienced that. Hence my thinking you were talking about comments made here.
Thankfully I'm aware of the big wide world
Yes they do. I've seen it many times. There are many who think there is "the one true way" and everyone else is wrong.
Why would they not know it was going on? I know my other friends dynamics. Other kinksters I'm not friends with but aware of, I know what their dynamics are. When you meet other kinksters at kink social or BDSM club night you can often pick up on aspects of their dynamics.
I've had friends have judgemental comments about them having an enforced bedtime, their partner choosing their clothing, food or make up for them or for their partner getting to tell them they're not allowed to buy something they want. However this is the dynamic they want and what makes them happy and it's crap that people feel the need to shame them simply because they do things a different way and therefore think others who are different are doing things wrong.
Yes I total agree with this. The dynamics are agreed between the Dom and the sub and hard limits agreed between. What they agree is between them and no one has the right to say it is wrong.
I'm curious do you tell any that choose to play with you that the only say they get is their hard limits or to walk away?
If it's only about you and what you want do you totally disregard their pleasure and wellbeing such as aftercare and mental support?
Do they not have any right to express displeasure at something to do with you?
Wow that's hell of a lot of assumptions.
How so? Simply intrigued by another's dynamic."They're hardly open questions. Personally I know precisely what he means. As someone who gets approached by male subs I'm often presented with what is essentially a list of demands of what they want doing to them. That isn't what submission is to me. I'm a switch who is 90% submissive but on either side of the slash for me submission is about pleasing your D type and if you do so you may be rewarded with some of what you want. Others do things differently and that is what makes the world an interesting place but also why we aren't always suited to someone we may approach due to having different ideas or styles of D/s. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. Absolutely agree with this. Can't stand people who think their way is the only way. As long as everyone involved has consented and is happy and safe people need to keep their noses out. Oh I don't think my way is the only way! I know it isn't. I also know how damaging it can be for "Doms" to think it's all about their pleasure and what they want. Fundamentally, it isn't. This is a public forum. A place for people to openly give an opinion. We don't have to agree with everyone and are free to disagree
I never said anyone couldn't disagree on this forum. When I said keep their noses out I meant of other people's relationships and dynamics when they haven't asked for it.
Again...open forum.
It's a place specifically for sharing views on different subjects.
I'm literally not talking about the forums or any forum. There's a whole world that exists outside of the internet.
Do people randomly poke their noses in and pass judgement on this kinda thing irl?
Most people don't know it's going on unless someone literally mentions it and asks for an opinion....
I've never experienced that. Hence my thinking you were talking about comments made here.
Thankfully I'm aware of the big wide world
Yes they do. I've seen it many times. There are many who think there is "the one true way" and everyone else is wrong.
Why would they not know it was going on? I know my other friends dynamics. Other kinksters I'm not friends with but aware of, I know what their dynamics are. When you meet other kinksters at kink social or BDSM club night you can often pick up on aspects of their dynamics.
I've had friends have judgemental comments about them having an enforced bedtime, their partner choosing their clothing, food or make up for them or for their partner getting to tell them they're not allowed to buy something they want. However this is the dynamic they want and what makes them happy and it's crap that people feel the need to shame them simply because they do things a different way and therefore think others who are different are doing things wrong.
Yes I total agree with this. The dynamics are agreed between the Dom and the sub and hard limits agreed between. What they agree is between them and no one has the right to say it is wrong.
I'm curious do you tell any that choose to play with you that the only say they get is their hard limits or to walk away?
If it's only about you and what you want do you totally disregard their pleasure and wellbeing such as aftercare and mental support?
Do they not have any right to express displeasure at something to do with you?
Wow that's hell of a lot of assumptions.
How so? Simply intrigued by another's dynamic.
They're hardly open questions.
Personally I know precisely what he means. As someone who gets approached by male subs I'm often presented with what is essentially a list of demands of what they want doing to them. That isn't what submission is to me. I'm a switch who is 90% submissive but on either side of the slash for me submission is about pleasing your D type and if you do so you may be rewarded with some of what you want. Others do things differently and that is what makes the world an interesting place but also why we aren't always suited to someone we may approach due to having different ideas or styles of D/s."Apsolutly top answer | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"My only issue is he believes being a Dom is solely about the Dom's wants. Anything else he says is tainted by that viewpoint, IMO." Being a Dom might be. Being a partner might not be. Being a friend might not be. Being a human might not be. Being a Dom is 1 role he plays in life and not the only role he necessarily plays with that same person. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
just in my opinion  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone has their own views of the dynamics of D/s and I don't force my views on people. Absolutely agree with this. Can't stand people who think their way is the only way. As long as everyone involved has consented and is happy and safe people need to keep their noses out. Oh I don't think my way is the only way! I know it isn't. I also know how damaging it can be for "Doms" to think it's all about their pleasure and what they want. Fundamentally, it isn't. This is a public forum. A place for people to openly give an opinion. We don't have to agree with everyone and are free to disagree
I never said anyone couldn't disagree on this forum. When I said keep their noses out I meant of other people's relationships and dynamics when they haven't asked for it.
Again...open forum.
It's a place specifically for sharing views on different subjects.
I'm literally not talking about the forums or any forum. There's a whole world that exists outside of the internet.
Do people randomly poke their noses in and pass judgement on this kinda thing irl?
Most people don't know it's going on unless someone literally mentions it and asks for an opinion....
I've never experienced that. Hence my thinking you were talking about comments made here.
Thankfully I'm aware of the big wide world
Yes they do. I've seen it many times. There are many who think there is "the one true way" and everyone else is wrong.
Why would they not know it was going on? I know my other friends dynamics. Other kinksters I'm not friends with but aware of, I know what their dynamics are. When you meet other kinksters at kink social or BDSM club night you can often pick up on aspects of their dynamics.
I've had friends have judgemental comments about them having an enforced bedtime, their partner choosing their clothing, food or make up for them or for their partner getting to tell them they're not allowed to buy something they want. However this is the dynamic they want and what makes them happy and it's crap that people feel the need to shame them simply because they do things a different way and therefore think others who are different are doing things wrong.
Yes I total agree with this. The dynamics are agreed between the Dom and the sub and hard limits agreed between. What they agree is between them and no one has the right to say it is wrong.
I'm curious do you tell any that choose to play with you that the only say they get is their hard limits or to walk away?
If it's only about you and what you want do you totally disregard their pleasure and wellbeing such as aftercare and mental support?
Do they not have any right to express displeasure at something to do with you?
Wow that's hell of a lot of assumptions.
How so? Simply intrigued by another's dynamic.
They're hardly open questions.
Personally I know precisely what he means. As someone who gets approached by male subs I'm often presented with what is essentially a list of demands of what they want doing to them. That isn't what submission is to me. I'm a switch who is 90% submissive but on either side of the slash for me submission is about pleasing your D type and if you do so you may be rewarded with some of what you want. Others do things differently and that is what makes the world an interesting place but also why we aren't always suited to someone we may approach due to having different ideas or styles of D/s."I dont disagree with what you are saying and my post wasnt only from whats been said in this thread. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"As always these threads can cause alot of different reactions. You get domineering people saying they are Dom and you also get some people who truely understand the lifestyle For me we see alot of people that are interested in the lifestyle but may not really know the difference Dominant v Domineering With social media and the ability to hide your true self online its easy for users and abusers to maskerade as something they are not. The question is how do we spot the wrong uns as they say. Now this writing is aimed at those who come into the scene as Doms. I am not saying there are not subs that are users but this is based on my observations and the actions of online Doms. We all know them the ones that dont respect peoples wishes, dont respect others dynamics and in general demand things that they dont have the right to do. See i think it comes down simply to the difference between Dominant and Domineering behaviour. Lets start with the definition of domineering: Assert one’s will over another in an arrogant way or inclined to exercise arbitrary and overbearing control over others. This means that a domineering person will often use some kind of threat to assert there will. Therefore, people do what they want to avoid some kind of a bad outcome. They have a arrogant manner to them. They dont learn and feel that there way is the right way. Now if you look at a dominant person, they inspire people to do what they ask. They want to do it to please them. They tend to be well liked and know and respected in the local comminity. They act with confidence of who they are and their knowledge. Those around them will often go above and beyond for them and they will be respected for it. Straight away we can see the differences between these two styles if you like. I think one of the problems is the terms dominant and domineering have been almost bundled together in the vanilla world and as such so many people now see dominant people as domineering those around them. And as such Dominance can be seen as abusive, controlling. And within the scene people mistake domineering individuals as Dominant whete really you can not get further from the truth. So how do we spot those who are domineering and as such dangerous. Simply put if we look back at the definition of Domineering one word stands out Arrogant. With this in mind could we not say Domineering = A arrogant person. Dominant. = A Confident Person So taking this account what so we know about and Arrogant Person 1. Gets defensive when challenged. We have all seen them they know they are right always and if you disagree they can angry, fight and bully. They will often simple start throwing fists. 2. Childish If you challenge them they will sulk, throw a tantrum, storm off, throw insults and communicate in a petty manner. 3. Aggressive An aggressive person often goes into a situation looking for a fight. They will be intimidating and will bully those seen as less or weaker. 4. Threatens This one is interesting to observe. The arrogant person will get loud and make various threats, when confronted with resistence to his needs. In contast a Confident Person 1. Has nothing to prove. They know without question, who they are. They so not have to demand attention. They are slow to anger but they will however, if the situation warrants, make it very clear through his eye contact and body language that he will ifneeded take action. 2. Child-like. Feels at ease is child-like ways often will come out around those he loves, a playful and teasing nature, there is a mirth one sees in their eyes is genuine and infective. 3. Resolute They will calmly stand there ground, will defend thise he loves when needed. Feels safe standing up for their moral code and views without putting others down for theirs. 4. Messes with their minds They have the ability to play with someone’s head. Often, the person on the receiving end won’t quite know for certain what happened and if it was derogatory, funny, witty, etc. But will not do it out of malice or spite So in conclussion watch out for arrogance unless you want a domineering partner. If on the offer hand you want a true Dominant look for a natural confidence." Couldn't agree more love this post. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"As always these threads can cause alot of different reactions. You get domineering people saying they are Dom and you also get some people who truely understand the lifestyle For me we see alot of people that are interested in the lifestyle but may not really know the difference Dominant v Domineering With social media and the ability to hide your true self online its easy for users and abusers to maskerade as something they are not. The question is how do we spot the wrong uns as they say. Now this writing is aimed at those who come into the scene as Doms. I am not saying there are not subs that are users but this is based on my observations and the actions of online Doms. We all know them the ones that dont respect peoples wishes, dont respect others dynamics and in general demand things that they dont have the right to do. See i think it comes down simply to the difference between Dominant and Domineering behaviour. Lets start with the definition of domineering: Assert one’s will over another in an arrogant way or inclined to exercise arbitrary and overbearing control over others. This means that a domineering person will often use some kind of threat to assert there will. Therefore, people do what they want to avoid some kind of a bad outcome. They have a arrogant manner to them. They dont learn and feel that there way is the right way. Now if you look at a dominant person, they inspire people to do what they ask. They want to do it to please them. They tend to be well liked and know and respected in the local comminity. They act with confidence of who they are and their knowledge. Those around them will often go above and beyond for them and they will be respected for it. Straight away we can see the differences between these two styles if you like. I think one of the problems is the terms dominant and domineering have been almost bundled together in the vanilla world and as such so many people now see dominant people as domineering those around them. And as such Dominance can be seen as abusive, controlling. And within the scene people mistake domineering individuals as Dominant whete really you can not get further from the truth. So how do we spot those who are domineering and as such dangerous. Simply put if we look back at the definition of Domineering one word stands out Arrogant. With this in mind could we not say Domineering = A arrogant person. Dominant. = A Confident Person So taking this account what so we know about and Arrogant Person 1. Gets defensive when challenged. We have all seen them they know they are right always and if you disagree they can angry, fight and bully. They will often simple start throwing fists. 2. Childish If you challenge them they will sulk, throw a tantrum, storm off, throw insults and communicate in a petty manner. 3. Aggressive An aggressive person often goes into a situation looking for a fight. They will be intimidating and will bully those seen as less or weaker. 4. Threatens This one is interesting to observe. The arrogant person will get loud and make various threats, when confronted with resistence to his needs. In contast a Confident Person 1. Has nothing to prove. They know without question, who they are. They so not have to demand attention. They are slow to anger but they will however, if the situation warrants, make it very clear through his eye contact and body language that he will ifneeded take action. 2. Child-like. Feels at ease is child-like ways often will come out around those he loves, a playful and teasing nature, there is a mirth one sees in their eyes is genuine and infective. 3. Resolute They will calmly stand there ground, will defend thise he loves when needed. Feels safe standing up for their moral code and views without putting others down for theirs. 4. Messes with their minds They have the ability to play with someone’s head. Often, the person on the receiving end won’t quite know for certain what happened and if it was derogatory, funny, witty, etc. But will not do it out of malice or spite So in conclussion watch out for arrogance unless you want a domineering partner. If on the offer hand you want a true Dominant look for a natural confidence." Perfect | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"As always these threads can cause alot of different reactions. You get domineering people saying they are Dom and you also get some people who truely understand the lifestyle For me we see alot of people that are interested in the lifestyle but may not really know the difference Dominant v Domineering With social media and the ability to hide your true self online its easy for users and abusers to maskerade as something they are not. The question is how do we spot the wrong uns as they say. Now this writing is aimed at those who come into the scene as Doms. I am not saying there are not subs that are users but this is based on my observations and the actions of online Doms. We all know them the ones that dont respect peoples wishes, dont respect others dynamics and in general demand things that they dont have the right to do. See i think it comes down simply to the difference between Dominant and Domineering behaviour. Lets start with the definition of domineering: Assert one’s will over another in an arrogant way or inclined to exercise arbitrary and overbearing control over others. This means that a domineering person will often use some kind of threat to assert there will. Therefore, people do what they want to avoid some kind of a bad outcome. They have a arrogant manner to them. They dont learn and feel that there way is the right way. Now if you look at a dominant person, they inspire people to do what they ask. They want to do it to please them. They tend to be well liked and know and respected in the local comminity. They act with confidence of who they are and their knowledge. Those around them will often go above and beyond for them and they will be respected for it. Straight away we can see the differences between these two styles if you like. I think one of the problems is the terms dominant and domineering have been almost bundled together in the vanilla world and as such so many people now see dominant people as domineering those around them. And as such Dominance can be seen as abusive, controlling. And within the scene people mistake domineering individuals as Dominant whete really you can not get further from the truth. So how do we spot those who are domineering and as such dangerous. Simply put if we look back at the definition of Domineering one word stands out Arrogant. With this in mind could we not say Domineering = A arrogant person. Dominant. = A Confident Person So taking this account what so we know about and Arrogant Person 1. Gets defensive when challenged. We have all seen them they know they are right always and if you disagree they can angry, fight and bully. They will often simple start throwing fists. 2. Childish If you challenge them they will sulk, throw a tantrum, storm off, throw insults and communicate in a petty manner. 3. Aggressive An aggressive person often goes into a situation looking for a fight. They will be intimidating and will bully those seen as less or weaker. 4. Threatens This one is interesting to observe. The arrogant person will get loud and make various threats, when confronted with resistence to his needs. In contast a Confident Person 1. Has nothing to prove. They know without question, who they are. They so not have to demand attention. They are slow to anger but they will however, if the situation warrants, make it very clear through his eye contact and body language that he will ifneeded take action. 2. Child-like. Feels at ease is child-like ways often will come out around those he loves, a playful and teasing nature, there is a mirth one sees in their eyes is genuine and infective. 3. Resolute They will calmly stand there ground, will defend thise he loves when needed. Feels safe standing up for their moral code and views without putting others down for theirs. 4. Messes with their minds They have the ability to play with someone’s head. Often, the person on the receiving end won’t quite know for certain what happened and if it was derogatory, funny, witty, etc. But will not do it out of malice or spite So in conclussion watch out for arrogance unless you want a domineering partner. If on the offer hand you want a true Dominant look for a natural confidence." I love the destruction between dominant and domineering. I would be really interested to see a range of people claiming to be dominant, take the 16 personify test and see where it lands. Myself I come out as a https://www.16personalities.com/enfj-personality I’d love to see if there is a divide between those that are dominant and domineering. Could this be a tool? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"To me porn destroys the concept of D/s play. Unless you have the complexities of thinking at multiple levels ie above the waist line, to me you don’t fully embrace the concept. Hey, just me. " I can’t think of a single person I’ve meet on the bdsm scene, that was a genuine kinkster, that wasn’t above average intelligence. There’s definitely an accepted correlation between kink and intelligence. Namely, being intelligent doesn’t make you into bdsm, but you can’t actually understand bdsm without being intelligent. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"As a d/s couple it’s just part of our relationship we was very s/m to start with bumps and bruises every where. Though we still do this play between ourselves if someone else was to do this with us from the dom side would probably find them in a ambulance. This play is best served in a relationship. We role play with ladies who have become friends but that’s the limit. Most doms on here we quickly realise are women haters through there messages of which we both have zero tolerance. " While ds does need a deep and trusting connection, I wouldn’t say it need to be within a “relationship”. Pretty much all my ds dynamics have been with playmates. I haven’t actually had a romantic relationship, certainly not a monogamous one that was ds. Mainly because I’m very picky who I date and I haven’t found someone that ticked all my vanilla and kink boxes in one girl, this is also why I’m poly. While it might work best for you for ds to be within a relationship, I don’t think stating “this play is best served in a relationship” as a fact, is correct. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Post new Message to Thread |
| back to top |  |
