FabSwingers.com forum: Dom/Sub or just rough sex

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

In your humble opinions, what stands out as the essential differences between a true Dom/sub relationship and just a couple of people having rough sex?

I ask because there are lot of profiles here claiming to be Dom, but on further investigation, I think there are a lot of guys who just like it rough

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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)

"In your humble opinions, what stands out as the essential differences between a true Dom/sub relationship and just a couple of people having rough sex?

I ask because there are lot of profiles here claiming to be Dom, but on further investigation, I think there are a lot of guys who just like it rough "
There is a big difference from being Dominant in bed and a Dom/sub relationship.

A Dom/sub relationship exists outside of the bedroom and is a symbiosis between both parties. However, the nature of that relationship varies a hell of a lot.

Rough sex is one thing whereas a Dom/sub relationship doesn't actually have to have anything to do with sex at all. It's the icing on the cake though.

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By *reedy_for_funCouple
over a year ago

My House

I like to be told what to do by the men I'm with so I consider myself sub while on meets - mostly because I'm lazy and lack imagination lol

I also like them to be a bit rough with me as that really turns me because I want to feel used. I'm not looking for romantic sex, just a good fuck.

So is any of that Dom/sub or what is it?

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

It’s an awareness that understanding of and empathy with the Sub are key for the Dom if they are going to succesfully help the Sub realise and satisfy their sexual and emotional needs from the experience.

Good rough sex just requires a normal degree of emotional intelligence and consideration on the part of the lead partner to get right - if it’s going to be enjoyably rough sex, rather than just abusive bad sex. Good rough sex requires less sophistication to get right than a good Dom / Sub scenario.

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole

We call it swinger slap and tickle.

Bdsm and the community is about power exchange. We live the D/s lifestyle 24/7.

I do on occasion like rough sex. But that's just it. It's like making love to your partner and just having sex

Ther's a differance. (Fem).

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

"In your humble opinions, what stands out as the essential differences between a true Dom/sub relationship and just a couple of people having rough sex?

I ask because there are lot of profiles here claiming to be Dom, but on further investigation, I think there are a lot of guys who just like it rough There is a big difference from being Dominant in bed and a Dom/sub relationship.

A Dom/sub relationship exists outside of the bedroom and is a symbiosis between both parties. However, the nature of that relationship varies a hell of a lot.

Rough sex is one thing whereas a Dom/sub relationship doesn't actually have to have anything to do with sex at all. It's the icing on the cake though."

I agree with DD. Too many people try to categorise what is a 'true ' D/S relationship. In my mind it is like saying what is the 'true' religion. At the end of the day D/S is what works for the parties involved although others may not describe the relationship as 'true' D/S.

I know of two people that have a rope syllabus, I am yet to see a D/S syllabus (and I am pretty nerdy when it comes to kink).

For some people rough sex is an integral part of their D/S relationship. Other people that are not in a relationship may like their sex rough. The issue being that it should be consensual. On the other hand there were series of thread on here where the woman was subject to rough sex and discovered they like it.

There is also the question of what is defined as 'rough sex'. Which can range from 'Sex and Submission' on a famous Kink site to a mild spanking. Some may consider impact play leaving marks as rough, some think that it is a sign of love.

Therefore you need personal definitions of 'rough play' and personal definitions of 'D/S'.

Also as has been pointed out, being dominant in bed does not necessarily make a D/S relationship.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Break BDSM into its to its behavioural parts.

Bondage - discipline is (to me) rough sex, something you would play with in a club or just fun sex.

Dominant - submission is a very deep relationship.

Sadist - masochist is one I don’t fully understand, kind of doesn’t fit in my head, I can do it, however it is more cognitive than natural (I think).

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By *tace 309TV/TS
over a year ago

durham

"In your humble opinions, what stands out as the essential differences between a true Dom/sub relationship and just a couple of people having rough sex?

I ask because there are lot of profiles here claiming to be Dom, but on further investigation, I think there are a lot of guys who just like it rough "
:-theres a world of difference between guys on here who think they are Dom and a true dominant .most on here want to be rough and think slapping someone about is OK .its actually abuse . a true Dom respects his sub . its a two way trust thing .only use safe words . if a sub means no that means no . the submissive actually controls the situation not the dominant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dunno i dont really like rough stuff but love being obayed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To me, Mr P is my Dom because of how he is every day. He is the person I truly look up to for everything.

Yes- I’m a independent woman who is capable and do make my own decisions- but he subtly guides me or supports me in it all.

He lets me out on a ‘leash’ and reals me back in through his mind and body.

My body yearns for his touch. My mind yearns for his conversation and laughter.

Sex isn’t always rough. Sometimes he makes love to me so gently I weep. Yet sometimes he bends me over his knee and gives me release after release of pure pleasure. My soul aim in life is being a good girl for him.

I do think some like the idea of being a dominant and that excites me for them. However- I believe it’s more than just in the bedroom. Yet- who am I to say that’s not the ‘right’ definition. It could be a great starting point for a couple to see if it could extend into their ‘personal lives’ too. Also- some don’t want or need to relinquish that power other than in the bedroom...

So is this a form of just rough sex? It could be... but also has to have some power exchange at some point.

Mrs P

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By *hoenix CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northallerton

"In your humble opinions, what stands out as the essential differences between a true Dom/sub relationship and just a couple of people having rough sex?

I ask because there are lot of profiles here claiming to be Dom, but on further investigation, I think there are a lot of guys who just like it rough "

It can be very dangerous for you if they don't know what they are doing and are just being the lable "Dom" or "Master". Face slapping can end up with whiplash etc. In our opinion D/s is more than rough sex, for us its more about our relationship that grows and develops with trust and of course respect. There are other sites that can explain this better. Just be careful though as sub friend of ours was looking for a Master and met a guy who thought putting her in hospital was being a Dom!

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