FabSwingers.com forum: Expectations - NSA or mini relationship?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Are the expectations you and others have consistent with nsa sex?

Recent threads have shown some with a desire for ongoing friendship. Some prefer to take a long amount of time to really 'get to know' potential playmates. Some are looking for FB's. Some feel used or discarded if the 'aftercare' isn't just right, etc.

I stress I don't believe there is any right or wrong here, I just wonder when expectations start to blur the lines between nsa and mini relationship?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being a couple NSA is exactly what it is for us. We do however like to know who we will be intimate with, as it is a social as well as sexual encounter. We enjoy meeting new people and talking about things that we wouldnt neccessarily talk to our friends about. Its the whole package swinging has to offer. Sarah x

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By *rs and mr sanddancerCouple
over a year ago

Boldon

I like to chat to someone before playing but have been known to have a bit of a free for all at a club or party. I am guilty of blurring the lines sometimes as I like to think I have made friends with benefits rather than just shagging anything that moves! My guiltiest blurring is that I am soon to move in with a meet - a drastic move as I am moving 175 miles - the only delay is jobhunting. But he is so worth it to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep relationships do happen so yeah it can blur

I stared swinging at 17 id had two long term swinging relationships and a vanilla marriage of 5 years in that time

Both my original swinging partners were vanilla when i met em and when my last swinging relationship ended after 9 years i decided ta stay on my own

Id never ever had any emotional involvement with any meet and never even considered falling for a swinger

Then i met Fmuma (Wendy)and i was shocked that after nearly 30 years id done summat i never thought id do

so yeah it can blur but if its what ya both want then great xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think whatever you want to get out of swinging is a persoanly choice, yes i like to chat to someone to see if you get along, rather than just open my door to a strange and drop my knickers... for me there has to be something other than the sex, i need attraction and i need some banter or for me it just doesnt work

but thats just me, as its my sex life, my choice x

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

i have to chat and get to know people before meeting . i personally have to have a mental connection with a person before i take it further to sexual one ,especially as i like to meet person regular .is that blurring lines ?? for me its just common sense , as i meet alone it helps to out the fruit loops and to feel comfortable meeting the decent folks . yes have make close friends due to this but doesnt mean it wasnt nsa ...the are guys single and can do as they wish and see who they wish . just the same as i could meet who i want . funny thing is its the guys who sometimes who have the problem with play mate seeing others .

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Every time I start to think there may be an emotional connection with a guy they do something to piss me off. I am quite happy to have (semi) regular meets if I click with someone, but it is almost guaranteed that, after a while, they come to think of me as their exclusive FB and so things have to end.

I am quite happy with one off, no strings, never-see-them-again sex and am getting plenty of that so don't really need a 'connection'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i cant just meet someone and fuck them

i have to have some sort of connection, thats why i hardly play at chams

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer to get to know someone before I meet them (safety reasons). I do one off meets but have a preference for regular/repeat. Does regular constitute a mini relationship? Yes, I suppose it does in a way but, the expectations are made clear from the start, it's NSA....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting question..... I tend to find couples do one off nsa meets. I assume this is for the reason posted. There is an exception to this, but only one.....

most of the single girls i have met have had their knickers 'charmed' off them so its only reasonablde that if I put lots of effort into seeking then getting a meet that goes well I woud want to meet up again. This doesn't mean i expect exclusive contact, nor would i give up seeing other people....

that having been said, several of my friends have 'coupled up' recently (and not with me!). Im the one left out not getting any, so i begin to wonder if it might be me going about things the wrong way round.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to admit, when I split with my ex, I wanted to meet someone else on the scene. I had it in my mind that we'd get to know each other first before swinging together. I met my, now Sir/OH at a club, but had seen him at a social on another site. I did approch him because I fancied him. At first we agreed to take the relationship as it come, but recently he told me he fell for me that night..Or it could have been the drink talking lol

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I have to admit, when I split with my ex, I wanted to meet someone else on the scene. I had it in my mind that we'd get to know each other first before swinging together. I met my, now Sir/OH at a club, but had seen him at a social on another site. I did approch him because I fancied him. At first we agreed to take the relationship as it come, but recently he told me he fell for me that night..Or it could have been the drink talking lol

I remember that night..... I don't think its was the drink... I think it was your charm? haha xx

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

"Are the expectations you and others have consistent with nsa sex?

I stress I don't believe there is any right or wrong here, I just wonder when expectations start to blur the lines between nsa and mini relationship?

It's always nice if things go well and we see a couple/single again and even better if we end up becoming friends.

But we don't expect it, it that makes sense?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Nsa sex, to me, does not mean 'shagging' anything that moves'. Attraction and preferences are still key. NSA simply means having sex without any ongoing expectations, obligations or percieved ties.

An expectation of regular meets is one example that would not necessarily be NSA sex in my book, possibly more a mini relationship (I stress, nothing wrong with that in any way).

I suppose it comes down to how you define nsa.

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon

My first ever meet on here was with someone who I ended up getting way too emotionally involved with.

I hadn't been on the site for very long, and my marriage was ending so I wasn't really in a good place mentally.

She lived a fairly long way away from me which was probably the one thing stopped me from getting in too deep... that, and the the fact that she met someone locally who she settled down with and left the site (or at least that's what she told me; maybe she was just trying to let me down gently).

I thought I wanted just NSA sex. I was just out of a 15 year relationship, why would I want to start another one? I didn't meet anyone else for a long time after that and it took me a while to realise that sex without all the emotional baggage can happen but it can be easy to confuse sexual lust with love.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Nsa sex, to me, does not mean 'shagging' anything that moves'. Attraction and preferences are still key. NSA simply means having sex without any ongoing expectations, obligations or percieved ties.

An expectation of regular meets is one example that would not necessarily be NSA sex in my book, possibly more a mini relationship (I stress, nothing wrong with that in any way).

I suppose it comes down to how you define nsa. "
i agree with you i do have expectations as far as the build up goes and the meet but my expectations end when ive closed the door at the end of the evening. if they want to see me again its a bonus. i also have guys ive had sex with on a few occassions that i would still have no expectatins from and we owe each other nothing. then i have a group of what i call my old faithfuls, ive known these guys around six years all before i met jay and these guys i have far more than a sexual relationship with. im very close to them and very fond of them. as for falling for one then no

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont expect anything from my meets, except good manners and if we get on good sex

its very rare i meet anyone more than once so to be honest i find its more people who expect things from me

for some reason if i meet a guy, get on and have sex they just take it for granted we will meet again and some really dont understand why i dont want to

I just prefer one off meets that way we all know where we stand, i dont want a relationship and i dont want guys getting the wrong idea or getting to close and i just feel one off meets work better for what im after

i reallu do just expect frpm my meets a good night...for that night

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would like to get to know the person in order to have no string attached fun with him.

I cannot just turn up at a nominated time and place, drop my knickers, have sex, then leave, without so much of a hi and bye.

That is just not my cup of tea.

It would be nice to have regular playmates, however, most of my meets turn out to be one offs for whatever reasons.

In between meets, I may ping my playmates a PM from time to time to make sure they are up the right way. Same as what I would do to my friends, FAB or vanilla.

I appreciate people have lives outside FAB, just like I do, and the two do not necessarily mix.

I do not expect emotional dependency or romantic attachment with anyone I play with.

However, if Cupid fires an arrow and hits me between the eyes, then I shan't resist, and shall enjoy the ride while it lasts.

I guess I am wiser in my old age!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Nsa sex, to me, does not mean 'shagging' anything that moves'. Attraction and preferences are still key. NSA simply means having sex without any ongoing expectations, obligations or percieved ties.

Exactly what we think NSA sex is. I think some people think if you say you like NSA sex that someone mails you saying " lets fuck" we say "yes" and the meet is arranged for half an hour after and my knickers are dropped by 35 minutes.

NSA sex is to us exactly how you describe....you establish an attraction with looks and wether you get on with them , you meet, decide wether to play, make a night of it, go on your way with big smiles on your faces with no obligations or expectations....if you meet again, a bonus, if you don't, you had what you were looking for.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"Nsa sex, to me, does not mean 'shagging' anything that moves'. Attraction and preferences are still key. NSA simply means having sex without any ongoing expectations, obligations or percieved ties.

An expectation of regular meets is one example that would not necessarily be NSA sex in my book, possibly more a mini relationship (I stress, nothing wrong with that in any way).

I suppose it comes down to how you define nsa. "

I agree with your definition of NSA with one need for clarification.

I would not exclude all regular meets from being NSA.

I do agree with the 'expectations' bit though. To set out 'expecting' another meet... ie 'I'm shagging you this time because I expect you to come back again'... is not NSA. But I would say it is NSA if you both agree you are open to the possibility and just see how it goes…. that’s genuinely ‘see how it goes’ and no hidden finger crossing.

I think the word 'relationship' causes some confusion too.... even the term mini-relationship. I do believe most when they say they are not looking for one.

The question is ... why do you (meaning some people) want to be friends?

If it is because it makes the sex more relaxed or something along those lines... fine.

If it is because they are trying to plug other gaps (no puns please) such as a need for affection, a need to feel wanted (not just sexually), a need to feel someone cares emotionally about them... then the lines do become very blurred.

A healthy approach to NSA is to have NSA because you want to enjoy physical and mental sexual activity… full stop.

When NSA is used as a substitute for something else missing from your life... that's when people start feeling used and hurt and let down on an emotional level.

Is it right or wrong… hmmm…. well I tend to lean more to the side of ‘wrong’.

It won’t help the person in the long run and it really isn’t nice being the other person who has had these un-agreed expectations placed on them.

It is meant to be fun and enjoyable after all…. and fun shouldn’t leave people emotionally hurt.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I fully agree with your clarifications, as well as your view on a 'healthy approach to nsa'.

I do though wonder whether it is a view shared by the majority, as some may be tempted to introduce words like 'clinical' into the mix.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"I fully agree with your clarifications, as well as your view on a 'healthy approach to nsa'.

I do though wonder whether it is a view shared by the majority, as some may be tempted to introduce words like 'clinical' into the mix. "

There's certainly nothing clinical about the way I have sex.... unless we're playing doctors and nurses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends if I am after just sex then that's what I get but much prefer friends with benefits more I get to know someone the better the sex is and can relax and be myself.

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

To me, NSA means just that ie "No strings Attached". I've cme to discover (after chatting) a scary number of omen who either expect a relationship, or the clear signs they will not meet if a relationship (leading to monogamy) is not on the cards. Scary.

For me, you can meet, have fun, enjoy the company and ofcourse the sex without the expectation of a relationship - surely it should be that simple?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the only realtionship i want is one with ann summers, la sensa and gucci

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

We arrange to meet.

Meet

Fuck (or not as the case may be)

We leave or boot them out of the house

We don't meet them again.

That to us is NSA (and the above is what we actually do)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Other people have sort of summed up what I mean by NSA but I'll give it a go.

For me, it means meeting up with someone/couple/group and shagging. Then if you never hear from then again or not, it doesn't matter.

I am a chatty, friendly person so I do like to at least go over the preliminaries with someone before meeting but it isn't essential. I just like good company and good sex! Sometimes I meet the person/couple again but it is always with the understanding that this is just two (or more!) consenting adults letting off some steam and having fun.

So yeah, NSA to me just means that once one person decides to stop fucking, the "relationship" or "friendship" stops.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I fully agree with your clarifications, as well as your view on a 'healthy approach to nsa'.

I do though wonder whether it is a view shared by the majority, as some may be tempted to introduce words like 'clinical' into the mix.

There's certainly nothing clinical about the way I have sex.... unless we're playing doctors and nurses

Nothing clinical about my sexual activities either, but some do seem to place 'genuine' nsa in that category.

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