FabSwingers.com forum: Dilemma

By *arraps OP Man
over a year ago

port talbot

My fab partner has ended our relationship,and she has deleted our joint profile .

We were together for over 5 years and in that time we had some great meets.

She suffered a bad accident in which she broke her leg in a couple of places, which resulted in various plates being used to stabilise the breaks.

I stood by her throughout all this time , even pushed her wheelchair when we were on holiday together....and that’s harder than it seems....

Anyway, I gave her a number of items over the past 18 months including a decent smartphone when hers broke.

So now she has ended it do I have the right to ask for all the items back, or does she get to keep them

That’s my dilemma....

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

If they were gifts she should be keeping them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey you're bothered about material things that's sad just forget them its done

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

No you don’t,you gave them to her you don't have the right to get them back.

God I feel like I'm talking to my kid's when they were little. "Once you give you can't take back"

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't know the legal position on this but if you want the things back ask her her for them. If she says no I'd suggest you leave it.

Break ups can be hard, I hope you feel able to move on soon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's sad about your relationship and you're worried about a smart phone and few other material things? That's even more sad.

If it bothers you that much, ask for them back. If she says no, you don't have a leg to stand on!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My fab partner has ended our relationship,and she has deleted our joint profile .

We were together for over 5 years and in that time we had some great meets.

She suffered a bad accident in which she broke her leg in a couple of places, which resulted in various plates being used to stabilise the breaks.

I stood by her throughout all this time , even pushed her wheelchair when we were on holiday together....and that’s harder than it seems....

Anyway, I gave her a number of items over the past 18 months including a decent smartphone when hers broke.

So now she has ended it do I have the right to ask for all the items back, or does she get to keep them

That’s my dilemma...."

Mate you should never gift anything that you would expect back unless you stipulated it at the time, even then its a bit crass tbh. Park it and move on however annoying things are.

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By *MNJCouple
over a year ago

Nuneaton

How petty are you? Together for 5 years but still hold it against her that you looked after her when she broke her leg, that's what couples do.

And wanting a phone back, no wonder she dumped you you tight git

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My fab partner has ended our relationship,and she has deleted our joint profile .

We were together for over 5 years and in that time we had some great meets.

She suffered a bad accident in which she broke her leg in a couple of places, which resulted in various plates being used to stabilise the breaks.

I stood by her throughout all this time , even pushed her wheelchair when we were on holiday together....and that’s harder than it seems....

Anyway, I gave her a number of items over the past 18 months including a decent smartphone when hers broke.

So now she has ended it do I have the right to ask for all the items back, or does she get to keep them

That’s my dilemma...."

You’ve answered your own question matey. “You gave her a number of items”. They are now hers to keep unless she volunteers to give them back. In any case, don’t be so mean spirited, let go of her and the gifts and move on. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That should not be a dilemma at all! You said I gave ! Gifts are gifts !!! It's not yours any more!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would the smartphone ease the resentment of having pushed her wheelchair?

This post makes me sad.

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple
over a year ago

Fareham

OP - sorry to hear about the break up... it's clearly something you didn't want.

As for the gifts - I'm not convinced you actually want them back. I think asking her for them would give you another opportunity to contact her and express your hurt feelings.

I'd say let things be. Cherish the good memories and turn to greet new opportunities.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"OP - sorry to hear about the break up... it's clearly something you didn't want.

As for the gifts - I'm not convinced you actually want them back. I think asking her for them would give you another opportunity to contact her and express your hurt feelings.

I'd say let things be. Cherish the good memories and turn to greet new opportunities.

Agree with this.

Sorry the relationship broke up. I know how badly that can hurt.

Don't get wrapped up in the petty shit, or use it as an excuse to maintain contact. Will just make things more painful and potentially more messy. Remember the good times and accept you need to move on . Good luck.

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By *r C Miss CCouple
over a year ago

llanelli

[Removed by poster at 13/02/18 09:53:35]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Generally, if they are gifts and they were given during the relationship then they belong to her.

Anything that was contingent upon the relationship at the time it was given are your right to take back, but those are not gifts.

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By *arraps OP Man
over a year ago

port talbot

The general consensus is leave well alone.

Break ups are hard but what makes this even harder is that she was having unprotected sex with others behind my back...

Hey ho it’s off to the GUM clinic I go

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By *londieddWoman
over a year ago

fife

"The general consensus is leave well alone.

Break ups are hard but what makes this even harder is that she was having unprotected sex with others behind my back...

Hey ho it’s off to the GUM clinic I go"

you're well rid then?

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By *arraps OP Man
over a year ago

port talbot

Yep I am.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your 58 years old and worrying about taking back material things. You show love to her for 5 years. Even if you weren't married. Once you love someone your wedding vows (for better for worse, in sickness and in health etc.) Starts then. Unless my morals in life are different than yours. To me there is no dilemma. Be a man and get over material things cause at the end of the day. You have lost more in the woman you love/d.

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By *entralscotscpl7Couple
over a year ago

Falkirk

"The general consensus is leave well alone.

Break ups are hard but what makes this even harder is that she was having unprotected sex with others behind my back...

Hey ho it’s off to the GUM clinic I go"

Sorry if I'm missing something here but was she your full time partner or just fuck buddy on fab?

Was she exclusively yours or did you have separate lives to which she did her own thing.

How did you find out she was having unprotected sex behind your back?

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"The general consensus is leave well alone.

Break ups are hard but what makes this even harder is that she was having unprotected sex with others behind my back...

Hey ho it’s off to the GUM clinic I go"

Well let's hope she hasn't left you with a little reminder of her

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By *ubybabyCouple
over a year ago

lincoln ish

Ask judge rinder

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By *uzz And WoodyCouple
over a year ago

Maidstone

Jeez, your bitterness and resentment for any future possibilities will definitely be your downfall. You need to get over this quick. Reset the clock and start again.

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By *razycoupleniCouple
over a year ago

belfast

Gifts are gifts and you can’t get them back. If there were personal items yes you could ask for them

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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

"The general consensus is leave well alone.

Break ups are hard but what makes this even harder is that she was having unprotected sex with others behind my back...

Hey ho it’s off to the GUM clinic I go"

One would hope if you were active on the scene at trip to the GUM clinic would be a regular thing anyway.

As for the gifts, they were just that, damn right she should keep them.

And really? You now resent pushing her in a wheelchair?

Man you are a catch

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

Wow op!

They say hell hath no fury than a woman scorned ..you've just taken the biscuit!

You went from caring for her and having a great time together ..to wanting gifts you gave her back and hoping she never gave you a STD !! PETTY PETTY PETTY !!

Have some dignity and accept it never worked out and not try and score cheap points to heal your fragile ego.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow op!

They say hell hath no fury than a woman scorned ..you've just taken the biscuit!

You went from caring for her and having a great time together ..to wanting gifts you gave her back and hoping she never gave you a STD !! PETTY PETTY PETTY !!

Have some dignity and accept it never worked out and not try and score cheap points to heal your fragile ego."

totally my point said before. Men dissapoint me. We are a weird breed haha

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By *arraps OP Man
over a year ago

port talbot

"Wow op!

They say hell hath no fury than a woman scorned ..you've just taken the biscuit!

You went from caring for her and having a great time together ..to wanting gifts you gave her back and hoping she never gave you a STD !! PETTY PETTY PETTY !!

Have some dignity and accept it never worked out and not try and score cheap points to heal your fragile ego."

My ego is far from fragile.....

Perhaps you would like some man to bareback you and give you an sti....

I certainly don’t want one that’s why I went to the GUM clinic today to get checked out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

who pays the bill or is it pay as you go..

anyway , its a gift to her , leave it with her ..

if she wants to give it back she will post it to you id imagine

its only a phone right ...and you dont need it .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sounds like she's made the right decision to me..can't quite believe a man your age even considers whether you should ask for gifts back..what a poisonous attitude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow op!

They say hell hath no fury than a woman scorned ..you've just taken the biscuit!

You went from caring for her and having a great time together ..to wanting gifts you gave her back and hoping she never gave you a STD !! PETTY PETTY PETTY !!

Have some dignity and accept it never worked out and not try and score cheap points to heal your fragile ego.

My ego is far from fragile.....

Perhaps you would like some man to bareback you and give you an sti....

I certainly don’t want one that’s why I went to the GUM clinic today to get checked out"

But as a very sexually active man on the swinging scene, you would be going to the clinic regularly anyway?

I dont understand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How petty are you? Together for 5 years but still hold it against her that you looked after her when she broke her leg, that's what couples do.

And wanting a phone back, no wonder she dumped you you tight git

Mr"

thats a bit harsh.....but true !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did she finish things with you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really can't believe your asking the question OP.

Walks away shaking head bemusedly

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

Sorry it finished, but I think it would be wrong to ask for the return of gifts to her.

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By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

"How petty are you? Together for 5 years but still hold it against her that you looked after her when she broke her leg, that's what couples do.

And wanting a phone back, no wonder she dumped you you tight git

Mr"

This

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By *onkeymagic50Man
over a year ago

Near the harbour

I know he sounds a dick about the gifts, wheelchair,sti etc and not going to defend him no vilifie him ,It sounds to me like he hurting bad and like so many have in the past saying things to try and make her feel the pain he feeling over this breakup ,I been there you say and do crazy shit to deal with the pain ,if that's the case then only time a healer dude and saying crazy shit is a regret you will have later down the healing line

Of course you could be ego inflated can't take rejection let's attack the ex type of bitter man I don't know ,I do hope it the 1st part of my observation and good luck op

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By *arraps OP Man
over a year ago

port talbot

"Why did she finish things with you?"

She was restless...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The general consensus is leave well alone.

Break ups are hard but what makes this even harder is that she was having unprotected sex with others behind my back...

Hey ho it’s off to the GUM clinic I go"
you should not disclose this in public with strangers !

Shows not respect for you or her!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My fab partner has ended our relationship,and she has deleted our joint profile .

We were together for over 5 years and in that time we had some great meets.

She suffered a bad accident in which she broke her leg in a couple of places, which resulted in various plates being used to stabilise the breaks.

I stood by her throughout all this time , even pushed her wheelchair when we were on holiday together....and that’s harder than it seems....

Anyway, I gave her a number of items over the past 18 months including a decent smartphone when hers broke.

So now she has ended it do I have the right to ask for all the items back, or does she get to keep them

That’s my dilemma...."

Hmmmm doesn't sound like a dilemma to me..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A gift is a gift and no you should get nothing back . 5 years you had a friend and now your friend is not wishing to meet for fun and games ... Think yourself lucky you had her 5 years.

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By *uzz And WoodyCouple
over a year ago

Maidstone

"Why did she finish things with you?

She was restless..."

I bet you wish she was still wheelchair bound eh?

Mrs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Omg gifts are gifts given cause you wanted too .Never ask for gifts back .It's just not nice .Remain friends don't get bitter .It's ended and alot of good things come to a end .

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By *onkeymagic50Man
over a year ago

Near the harbour

"Why did she finish things with you?

She was restless...

I bet you wish she was still wheelchair bound eh?

Mrs x "

this really did make me spit my coffee out .sharper than a Stanley knife that reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A gift is a gift and no you should get nothing back . 5 years you had a friend and now your friend is not wishing to meet for fun and games ... Think yourself lucky you had her 5 years. "

That's why it's not a Dilemma

If you missed her and wanted her back.. I'd feel like giving advice.. That's a dilemma.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If something was given as a gift, it is hers to keep.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A gift is a gift is a gift so if u fall out with your kids will u ask for their Xmas presents back ?answer no so why would you ask a lover for gifts back and to post about going to the clinic and her misdemeanors is crass and shows u in a bad light and may make any ladies think not with a barge pole,but who knows I night be proved wrong

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton

Next time just tell them first that you will be expecting all the stuff you give them back when you break up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Next time just tell them first that you will be expecting all the stuff you give them back when you break up.

"
I can see him getting told to go fuck himself if he does

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Were you just swinging partners or fulltime partners ?

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton

"Next time just tell them first that you will be expecting all the stuff you give them back when you break up.

I can see him getting told to go fuck himself if he does"

Well it will save him some money then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a gift then its a gift unless you enter into a Contract that stipulates that should you split then you want things back, even then you'd probably have to pursue it through the (Small Claims) Courts and prove proof of purchase etc so not really worth the faff.

Just chalk it up to experience OP and move on, wiser and less knackered from not having to push a wheelchair.

And fingers crossed your GUM clinic doesn't show she's left you with an unwanted gift.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My fab partner has ended our relationship,and she has deleted our joint profile .

We were together for over 5 years and in that time we had some great meets."

So be thankful that you enjoyed the time you had together. Count your blessings for the time you spent with her.

"She suffered a bad accident in which she broke her leg in a couple of places, which resulted in various plates being used to stabilise the breaks.

I stood by her throughout all this time , even pushed her wheelchair when we were on holiday together....and that’s harder than it seems...."

You stood by her because you loved her! People do things like that for each other when you love them.

"Anyway, I gave her a number of items over the past 18 months including a decent smartphone when hers broke.

So now she has ended it do I have the right to ask for all the items back, or does she get to keep them

That’s my dilemma...."

Nope, you don't have the right to ask her for anything back.

Be thankful you aren't getting divorced. She would take the house, the car, the kids and half of your pension. A mobile phone is nothing in the scheme of things.

"The general consensus is leave well alone.

Break ups are hard but what makes this even harder is that she was having unprotected sex with others behind my back...

Hey ho it’s off to the GUM clinic I go"

Didn't need to say this, mate. I understand you are hurting because of the break up but, that was unnecessary. Be a man about this, go and get checked out and tell her what your results are. Hopefully you get a clean bill of health. As others have said you should be getting tested regularly if you are in this scene anyway.

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

"Wow op!

They say hell hath no fury than a woman scorned ..you've just taken the biscuit!

You went from caring for her and having a great time together ..to wanting gifts you gave her back and hoping she never gave you a STD !! PETTY PETTY PETTY !!

Have some dignity and accept it never worked out and not try and score cheap points to heal your fragile ego.

My ego is far from fragile.....

Perhaps you would like some man to bareback you and give you an sti....

I certainly don’t want one that’s why I went to the GUM clinic today to get checked out

But as a very sexually active man on the swinging scene, you would be going to the clinic regularly anyway?

I dont understand"

Exactly checks should be a regular thing anyway .

Plus op you never dumped her for apparently going bareback .So would come across it wasn't an issue till she ended things with you .Also as asked before how do you know she went bareback ??

You had zero need to make any reference to it apart from lashing out and scoring cheap points . If that's not trying to nurse a bruised ego I don't know what is.

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By *ara JTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol East

Would you ask for a Christmas present back from someone you fell out with?

I wouldn't.

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By *eus n EuropaCouple
over a year ago

louth

Sorry OP but no self respecting guy would ask a lady for gift back thats crass in the extreme. (Mr)

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

U could always ask...

Please post her response tho

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

"OP - sorry to hear about the break up... it's clearly something you didn't want.

As for the gifts - I'm not convinced you actually want them back. I think asking her for them would give you another opportunity to contact her and express your hurt feelings.spot on

I'd say let things be. Cherish the good memories and turn to greet new opportunities.

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

I pushed my partner's wheelchair haaaaaaaaaa

brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely ask for all the stuff back, typical women taking shift they where given and thinking they can keep it a bloody outrage bill her for your time you where together as well because you won’t get that back either (need a shaking fist smiley)

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

"Absolutely ask for all the stuff back, typical women taking shift they where given and thinking they can keep it a bloody outrage bill her for your time you where together as well because you won’t get that back either (need a shaking fist smiley)"
and labour cost for pushing wheelchair

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"and labour cost for pushing wheelchair

Yeah, tenner an hour, at least.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's sad about your relationship and you're worried about a smart phone and few other material things? That's even more sad.

If it bothers you that much, ask for them back. If she says no, you don't have a leg to stand on!!! "

no pun intended.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not gone unlos yet op

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How petty are you? Together for 5 years but still hold it against her that you looked after her when she broke her leg, that's what couples do.

And wanting a phone back, no wonder she dumped you you tight git

Mr"

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By *voryforebonyMan
over a year ago

boogie town

"My fab partner has ended our relationship,and she has deleted our joint profile .

We were together for over 5 years and in that time we had some great meets.

She suffered a bad accident in which she broke her leg in a couple of places, which resulted in various plates being used to stabilise the breaks.

I stood by her throughout all this time , even pushed her wheelchair when we were on holiday together....and that’s harder than it seems....

Anyway, I gave her a number of items over the past 18 months including a decent smartphone when hers broke.

So now she has ended it do I have the right to ask for all the items back, or does she get to keep them

That’s my dilemma...."

At the risk of repeating many other posts.. There's no dilemma. You gave them to her so now they are her property. Come on pal, you're not a 5 year old that needs this explaining..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

While you were together did she give you any gifts and if so are you going to give them back to her?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How petty are you? Together for 5 years but still hold it against her that you looked after her when she broke her leg, that's what couples do.

And wanting a phone back, no wonder she dumped you you tight git

Mr"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's sad about your relationship and you're worried about a smart phone and few other material things? That's even more sad.

If it bothers you that much, ask for them back. If she says no, you don't have a leg to stand on!!! "

Neither does she (sorry could not resist)

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By *verysmileMan
over a year ago

Canterbury

Walk away and smile about the good times.....

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By *evensnipeMan
over a year ago

Dinbych

It makes me sad that you are even asking the question. it makes the rest of us men look bad by association. I'm glad not all women on here will generalise your behaviour as typical of the male of the species

Gifts are gifts, loans are loans!

keep it simple.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's sad about your relationship and you're worried about a smart phone and few other material things? That's even more sad.

If it bothers you that much, ask for them back. If she says no, you don't have a leg to stand on!!! "

Neither did she! Oops! Did I say that out loud?

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