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Is it always like this?

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By *llynSteve OP   Couple
over a year ago

bexley

Watcha We're both fairly new to all this. For the last month we've been talking to some really nice people. Set up a meet, coffee and get to know us chat and each time the third party cancels at the last minute. How frustrating is this?? Is this common? We'd never push anyone to meet us...tend to go along with what they want...only for them to back out. 3 times this has happened now

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By *ethany10Couple
over a year ago

falkirk

Hasn't happened to us yet but only been on site since November. It does appear to happen though, either through genuine reasons or maybe some get 'cold feet'. Would be very frustrating though as you say.

Steve

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Watcha

Sometimes, Ive been chatting to guys for months, arranged to meet, just needing to iron out the finer details, then nothing, no message asking if we are still on, last night i went to work instead

Luckily there are some decent ones otherwise I might just give up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi... This may be a state of 'single male itis' some (not all) will be males either in a relationship or married looking for some excitement, the thrill of the chase.... They realise actually meeting is realistically not possible due to lack af alibi to their better half...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I kept getting the same result - ie no meets, I'd look at changing how I select prospective playmates, as what you're doing is obviously not working.

You say you go with the flow as it were, perhaps makes some demands of your own.

It's all trial and error when you start, so good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Watcha We're both fairly new to all this. For the last month we've been talking to some really nice people. Set up a meet, coffee and get to know us chat and each time the third party cancels at the last minute. How frustrating is this?? Is this common? We'd never push anyone to meet us...tend to go along with what they want...only for them to back out. 3 times this has happened now "

think the key is 'meet for a coffee'

don't think that will be attractive to everyone.

whilst true swingers are interested in the social side of it, a lot of people don't want to get to know the other parties.

they want a quick meet, in, do the business and gone. no strings and no questions asked.

at least the 3rd parties you arrange to meet have informed you of their inability to make the meet. some just simply fail to show !

but you take things at your pace and do things the way you want them to be.

sooner or later the meet will happen - and in a manner you are happy with

don't get disheartened, keep at it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sounds like you got 1 who is attach unfortunately;

an there is a few of them on here dont tell the truth.

just move on block the user that's all you can do rather than moan about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely disagree with the idea coffee meets put all true swingers off. I always met for coffee first- not a drink as I didn't want to alcohol to lead me down a path I wouldn't have gone, and no-one EVER said no, it's a shag now or nothing. If it's the social thing first for you and that's a strong feeling, stick with it. In this game, trust your gut instincts. Maybe try a local social event too? Have fun xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry, will amend that first sentence to say 'a lot of swingers' rather than 'all'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Absolutely disagree with the idea coffee meets put all true swingers off. I always met for coffee first- not a drink as I didn't want to alcohol to lead me down a path I wouldn't have gone, and no-one EVER said no, it's a shag now or nothing. If it's the social thing first for you and that's a strong feeling, stick with it. In this game, trust your gut instincts. Maybe try a local social event too? Have fun xx

"

I never said coffee would put true swingers off

Infact, quite the opposite

What I intimated was that true swingers would happily meet for a coffee.

Someone looking for a quick sex meet isn't likely to want that level of contact.

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By *llynSteve OP   Couple
over a year ago

bexley

Thanks everyone. As a couple we tend to go along with what the female wants regarding meets. Its easier for us as we're together. Just frustrates the hell out of me when arrangements are cancelled at the last minute. Im sure alot of you know that with kids and work commitments, this can take a hell of alot of planning.

Ally xx

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By *ustyWoman
over a year ago

inverclyde

i make mine a social meet first and so far so good only hada few that have made arrangements to meet and never did..... prob married or just got cold feet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

always meet socially 1st you do no or both parties do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its quite common that people cancel

I have had a fair few cancel on me last min tho to be honest i have more meets turn up than cancel

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By *evilwolfCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire


"Absolutely disagree with the idea coffee meets put all true swingers off. I always met for coffee first- not a drink as I didn't want to alcohol to lead me down a path I wouldn't have gone, and no-one EVER said no, it's a shag now or nothing. If it's the social thing first for you and that's a strong feeling, stick with it. In this game, trust your gut instincts. Maybe try a local social event too? Have fun xx

I never said coffee would put true swingers off

Infact, quite the opposite

What I intimated was that true swingers would happily meet for a coffee.

Someone looking for a quick sex meet isn't likely to want that level of contact."

long time ago when I was single... I'd meet my dates for coffee at lunchtime for a first meet... some were very memorable, and it was nice to meet without putting the pressures of an evening meet into the mix

Wolf

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"Absolutely disagree with the idea coffee meets put all true swingers off. I always met for coffee first- not a drink as I didn't want to alcohol to lead me down a path I wouldn't have gone, and no-one EVER said no, it's a shag now or nothing. If it's the social thing first for you and that's a strong feeling, stick with it. In this game, trust your gut instincts. Maybe try a local social event too? Have fun xx

I never said coffee would put true swingers off

Infact, quite the opposite

What I intimated was that true swingers would happily meet for a coffee.

Someone looking for a quick sex meet isn't likely to want that level of contact."

We do everything else, ie get on with a person before we meet/ meet socially on the night, and then decide wether to play or not there and then, and then we swing for want of a better word..

So because we didn't meet the day before for coffee that makes us not "true swingers"?

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By *andy muncherMan
over a year ago

Nottingham


"Absolutely disagree with the idea coffee meets put all true swingers off. I always met for coffee first- not a drink as I didn't want to alcohol to lead me down a path I wouldn't have gone, and no-one EVER said no, it's a shag now or nothing. If it's the social thing first for you and that's a strong feeling, stick with it. In this game, trust your gut instincts. Maybe try a local social event too? Have fun xx

I never said coffee would put true swingers off

Infact, quite the opposite

What I intimated was that true swingers would happily meet for a coffee.

Someone looking for a quick sex meet isn't likely to want that level of contact.

We do everything else, ie get on with a person before we meet/ meet socially on the night, and then decide wether to play or not there and then, and then we swing for want of a better word..

So because we didn't meet the day before for coffee that makes us not "true swingers"?

"
im the same dont do the coffee thing, i would do plenty of chatting online to get to know me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all about finding what works for you. As I'm inviting someone into my home I need to feel comfortable with that person, and to ensure there's chemistry.

For me I can't imagine just meeting someone "cold": well I wouldn't as I don't do clubs or hotels and certainly wouldn't invite someone I didn't know into my home.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"It's all about finding what works for you. As I'm inviting someone into my home I need to feel comfortable with that person, and to ensure there's chemistry.

For me I can't imagine just meeting someone "cold": well I wouldn't as I don't do clubs or hotels and certainly wouldn't invite someone I didn't know into my home."

I think you first sentance sums it up for me....it is about finding what works for you.

I really don't like having to conform to what others think we should be doing, so we will carry on doing as we do.

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By *orth West CoupleCouple
over a year ago

liverpool


"Watcha We're both fairly new to all this. For the last month we've been talking to some really nice people. Set up a meet, coffee and get to know us chat and each time the third party cancels at the last minute. How frustrating is this?? Is this common? We'd never push anyone to meet us...tend to go along with what they want...only for them to back out. 3 times this has happened now "

We are ruthless when this happens, if we arrange to meet somebody and they do not turn up, then they go straight to our banned list, we do not believe in second chances, just in case they are timewasters and would do it again to us, so we probably ban some people who have genuine excuses, but that cannot be helped.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its happens.

if they couldnt make it then they should have told you earlier.

but you'll find its the same people who moan about not getting meets that do this.

block and move on unless they provide a real reason for not showing up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Absolutely disagree with the idea coffee meets put all true swingers off. I always met for coffee first- not a drink as I didn't want to alcohol to lead me down a path I wouldn't have gone, and no-one EVER said no, it's a shag now or nothing. If it's the social thing first for you and that's a strong feeling, stick with it. In this game, trust your gut instincts. Maybe try a local social event too? Have fun xx

I never said coffee would put true swingers off

Infact, quite the opposite

What I intimated was that true swingers would happily meet for a coffee.

Someone looking for a quick sex meet isn't likely to want that level of contact.

We do everything else, ie get on with a person before we meet/ meet socially on the night, and then decide wether to play or not there and then, and then we swing for want of a better word..

So because we didn't meet the day before for coffee that makes us not "true swingers"?

"

nope not saying that at all

you are engaging the other party / parties prior to the meet

i am trying to differentiate between people who do that and people who for the want of a better term are out for a quick and easy shag with little or no social interaction.

so apologies if my previous statement caused any confusion

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

What the feck is a true swinger

We meet to fuck, dont have enough free time for the coffee thing, but also love the social side, getting to know new people and having a laugh. The two sometimes combine, but often not.

What does that make us?

As for the OP, it takes time for your radar to develop, but if it has happened 3 times i would look at your selection criteria, we have never been let down...then again we find fancy a fuck works!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when i meet my intent is to play, on that meet...i can have a meet be social n see what happens....in my house or theirs party or a club, its worked for me so far so intend to sticking to it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What the feck is a true swinger

We meet to fuck, dont have enough free time for the coffee thing, but also love the social side, getting to know new people and having a laugh. The two sometimes combine, but often not.

What does that make us?

As for the OP, it takes time for your radar to develop, but if it has happened 3 times i would look at your selection criteria, we have never been let down...then again we find fancy a fuck works! "

am sure what a true swinger is is open to interpretation

my interpretation is someone who engages in conversation / chat (online, by cam, by phone or in person) & social meetings etc prior to meeting for sex

that is opposed to someone who is here for a quick fix meet without any other interaction other than 'you're nice, fancy a sex meet this afternoon'

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall


"Watcha We're both fairly new to all this. For the last month we've been talking to some really nice people. Set up a meet, coffee and get to know us chat and each time the third party cancels at the last minute. How frustrating is this?? Is this common? We'd never push anyone to meet us...tend to go along with what they want...only for them to back out. 3 times this has happened now "

Hi there. Presume you mean other or second party and that you didnt invite two couples at once?

You will find that some people behave oddly. The reason is they are not being honest about their lives, feelings or whether they are actually looking to meet not just chat. Thats why we get confused by their behaviour. You do get a feeling for people after you have been on a while but even that isnt foolproof. Gut instinct is what it is all about. We have in the past been fairly lenient but can now tell you that generally its a waste of time. If they mess you around a first time they are far more likely to mess around a second or third time... and they sometimes continue to try until they are blocked . If you are comfortable with having a social without expectations stick to that. If you are happy to play on a first meet if all are comfortable say that too. Its horses for courses. What I would say after the experiences we have had is do what works for you and stick to it. Takes a while to find your way but you will and its individual so no one can tell you what that will be. We chat on here, chat on phone, meet for a social then arrange a playdate if we are interested. Thats because we have friends with benefits and are not interested in one offs or shag and go guys so it works for us. Puts off the guys we are NOT looking to meet. Find your level that suits and stick to it.

Mistress x

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By *LBishCouple
over a year ago

near bury st edmunds


"Watcha We're both fairly new to all this. For the last month we've been talking to some really nice people. Set up a meet, coffee and get to know us chat and each time the third party cancels at the last minute. How frustrating is this?? Is this common? We'd never push anyone to meet us...tend to go along with what they want...only for them to back out. 3 times this has happened now "

Not really happened to us pheww, but so many it does, hence why we get most of our meets at our local swingers club now, that way if a no show or a cancell, no ones time is wasted as plenty of other options at the club. We find also we can make very good freinds as get to now the regs. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its about seperating the wheat from the chaff on here, some you lose and some you win.

Its the same with singles also.

Some guys get stroppy and sulk if you wont drop ur draws straight away, others ...the more genuine swingers ..wont mind waiting till your ready.

I give them one chance and after that its adios

good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some enjoy the thrill of the chase but when it comes to meeting they bottle out.

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus


"

whilst true swingers are interested in the social side of it, a lot of people don't want to get to know the other parties.

they want a quick meet, in, do the business and gone. no strings and no questions asked.

"

We want quick meets........ does that not make us true swingers?

I'm a bit perturbed, that after doing this for nearly 12 years, I'm not a true swinger

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus


"

i am trying to differentiate between people who do that and people who for the want of a better term are out for a quick and easy shag with little or no social interaction.

"

You're interpretation is just that, YOUR interpretation.

I don't class single men as true swingers.........

Does that mean that you are a false swinger?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

i am trying to differentiate between people who do that and people who for the want of a better term are out for a quick and easy shag with little or no social interaction.

You're interpretation is just that, YOUR interpretation.

I don't class single men as true swingers.........

Does that mean that you are a false swinger?"

yes exactly it's MY interpretation

it's not meant to offend in any way

as for me being a false swinger, under YOUR interpretation then i guess i am

i won't be losing any sleep over it though

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