FabSwingers.com forum: Racism and prejudice again...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Warning - opinion heavy..

I'm sure this is an old chestnut but I get very exercised when people put things like... "...and no bi guys or bi curious guys please" and/or "Not racist but please no black or Asian guys"

It's really not necessary to put a huge list of what you DON'T want. A polite no thanks on messages is all that is needed.

Anyone who starts a sentence with "Not racist but..." is clearly someone who IS a racists IMHO.

Lets have some POSITIVE preferences not negative and distasteful preferences on profiles.

Comments?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Warning - opinion heavy..

I'm sure this is an old chestnut but I get very exercised when people put things like... "...and no bi guys or bi curious guys please" and/or "Not racist but please no black or Asian guys"

It's really not necessary to put a huge list of what you DON'T want. A polite no thanks on messages is all that is needed.

Anyone who starts a sentence with "Not racist but..." is clearly someone who IS a racists IMHO.

Lets have some POSITIVE preferences not negative and distasteful preferences on profiles.

Comments?

Have you been reading the BNP manifesto? They do that a lot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on personal experience...Some folk may be sick of saying a polite no to people who don't suit them..If it filters out getting some messages for them and it works for them then that's just how things are.

Personally I don't get enough messages from people who don't fit my criteria so I've never felt the need to put up a list of no's but some may feel like they've been driven to that point.

Its similar to the fact i haven't seen enough profiles with lists of no's to feel compelled to start a forum thread on the matter....you guys have.

And besides. ..If you get a message off a profile like that..consider it a filter and say a polite no

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Warning - opinion heavy..

I'm sure this is an old chestnut but I get very exercised when people put things like... "...and no bi guys or bi curious guys please" and/or "Not racist but please no black or Asian guys"

It's really not necessary to put a huge list of what you DON'T want. A polite no thanks on messages is all that is needed.

Anyone who starts a sentence with "Not racist but..." is clearly someone who IS a racists IMHO.

Lets have some POSITIVE preferences not negative and distasteful preferences on profiles.

Comments?

Meh

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Perhaps you're right but cuturally it's becoming less acceptable. If it was a job advert it would be illegal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think people should look after the content of their own profiles and accept the right of other people to decide what content they wish to display on their profiles,,,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Perhaps you're right but cuturally it's becoming less acceptable. If it was a job advert it would be illegal."

I'll speak for myself.... I'm not looking for employment. Just sex with people I fancy. Is that terrible?

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By *ristol_MTB_cplCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

It's all personal preference, so they can do what they like.

I will admit profiles with very specific requirements, especially a list of 'no's does tend to put us off, mostly because it gives the impression they're stressy and controlling, and we like chilled and relaxed.

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By *ittleminxyoungWoman
over a year ago

Hull

Ageism is also illegal you see that on lots of profiles as well...its a preference

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would rather know upfront, saves me from having to send a pointless message. I see loads of profiles stating BBC ONLY and I see many statuses saying " WTF? Can't you read? I ONLY want BBC". That tells me many don't read the profile properly in the first place, probably a cut and paste expert. You also have to remember, some folk get 100's of messages, so any filtering is useful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it was a job being advertised then you're right .

But the fact is that it isn't .

Swinging has never been an equal opportunities lifestyle , and nor will it ever be .

Who we choose to sleep with is a leisure activity , and preference in swinging is the same as outside of it .

If you are single and go out on the pull , are you going to be accused of racism because you don't go for an Asian ?

It's a filter on here to specify what you are looking for , and what you don't want . Are those who don't want bi fun homophobes ?

Are age filters ageist ?

See , the statements the op makes are nonsensical in reality aren't they ?

Just want to add that we have no problem playing with any race , as long as we click it doesn't even occur to us

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think people should look after the content of their own profiles and accept the right of other people to decide what content they wish to display on their profiles,,,

But this is a forum for open debate not gagging someone. sorry if you find something you don't agree with - best not to come on a debate forum

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If it was a job being advertised then you're right .

But the fact is that it isn't .

Swinging has never been an equal opportunities lifestyle , and nor will it ever be .

Who we choose to sleep with is a leisure activity , and preference in swinging is the same as outside of it .

If you are single and go out on the pull , are you going to be accused of racism because you don't go for an Asian ?

It's a filter on here to specify what you are looking for , and what you don't want . Are those who don't want bi fun homophobes ?

Are age filters ageist ?

See , the statements the op makes are nonsensical in reality aren't they ?

Just want to add that we have no problem playing with any race , as long as we click it doesn't even occur to us

No but you don't carry a sign saying no asians - simple as that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No it's not racist not in any way.

It's just preferences, I'm sure you have preferences and that's all it is, nothing more nothing less.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would rather know upfront, saves me from having to send a pointless message. I see loads of profiles stating BBC ONLY and I see many statuses saying " WTF? Can't you read? I ONLY want BBC". That tells me many don't read the profile properly in the first place, probably a cut and paste expert. You also have to remember, some folk get 100's of messages, so any filtering is useful."

At last.. a fair point!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think people should look after the content of their own profiles and accept the right of other people to decide what content they wish to display on their profiles,,,

Well said

I notice the OP profile doesn't say they want single guys is the prejudice against single guys or is that just a preference?.

I think " live and let Live"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Perhaps you're right but cuturally it's becoming less acceptable. If it was a job advert it would be illegal.

I'll speak for myself.... I'm not looking for employment. Just sex with people I fancy. Is that terrible?"

Then say what you fancy, saying what you don't fancy could be a huge list and it could offend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Perhaps you're right but cuturally it's becoming less acceptable. If it was a job advert it would be illegal.

I'll speak for myself.... I'm not looking for employment. Just sex with people I fancy. Is that terrible?

Then say what you fancy, saying what you don't fancy could be a huge list and it could offend"

I say I want straight white guys only thanks....still offends some that message to tell me so

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think people should look after the content of their own profiles and accept the right of other people to decide what content they wish to display on their profiles,,,

But this is a forum for open debate not gagging someone. sorry if you find something you don't agree with - best not to come on a debate forum"

How odd....

I thought prefixing my post with the words " I think" was a clear indication I was simply offering an opinion rather than attempting to dictate how others should think....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think people should look after the content of their own profiles and accept the right of other people to decide what content they wish to display on their profiles,,,

Well said

I notice the OP profile doesn't say they want single guys is the prejudice against single guys or is that just a preference?.

I think " live and let Live"

I do live and let live. only passing an opinion - that's what these forums are for is't it?

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

I dont think those profiles are necessarily racist, but a big bold list of NOs isn't really very attractive. So we would probably pass them by.

I guess how you say it is quite important.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think people should look after the content of their own profiles and accept the right of other people to decide what content they wish to display on their profiles,,,

But this is a forum for open debate not gagging someone. sorry if you find something you don't agree with - best not to come on a debate forum"

I thought the point of starting a debate was to invite opinions rather than agreement?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think people should look after the content of their own profiles and accept the right of other people to decide what content they wish to display on their profiles,,,

But this is a forum for open debate not gagging someone. sorry if you find something you don't agree with - best not to come on a debate forum

How odd....

I thought prefixing my post with the words " I think" was a clear indication I was simply offering an opinion rather than attempting to dictate how others should think....

However you sugar coat it, it's still closing the debate down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Perhaps you're right but cuturally it's becoming less acceptable. If it was a job advert it would be illegal."

People's bodies and spare time are neither goods nor services. Anti-discrimination laws do not apply to personal preferences.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dont think those profiles are necessarily racist, but a big bold list of NOs isn't really very attractive. So we would probably pass them by.

I guess how you say it is quite important. "

There would be no list of nos from us with you guys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think people should look after the content of their own profiles and accept the right of other people to decide what content they wish to display on their profiles,,,

But this is a forum for open debate not gagging someone. sorry if you find something you don't agree with - best not to come on a debate forum

I thought the point of starting a debate was to invite opinions rather than agreement?"

Yeah I must admit too stifling an ironic snigger when I was so abruptly rebuked for lacking an understanding of what's required in forum participation ....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/01/16 13:08:38]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Perhaps you're right but cuturally it's becoming less acceptable. If it was a job advert it would be illegal.

I'll speak for myself.... I'm not looking for employment. Just sex with people I fancy. Is that terrible?

Then say what you fancy, saying what you don't fancy could be a huge list and it could offend"

So long as it's written in a way which is not derogatory then I can't think of a reason people would be offended. I've had guys tell me they don't fancy big girls for instance. I accept this and move on to my next victim

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think people should look after the content of their own profiles and accept the right of other people to decide what content they wish to display on their profiles,,,

But this is a forum for open debate not gagging someone. sorry if you find something you don't agree with - best not to come on a debate forum

I thought the point of starting a debate was to invite opinions rather than agreement?

Yeah I must admit too stifling an ironic snigger when I was so abruptly rebuked for lacking an understanding of what's required in forum participation ....

It's not that Soxy - the key is staying with the issues and not concentrating on personal attacks - they just lead us nowhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Perhaps you're right but cuturally it's becoming less acceptable. If it was a job advert it would be illegal."

But it's not a job advert is it? The last time I looked legislation doesn't apply to who I choose to engage with sexually...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think people should look after the content of their own profiles and accept the right of other people to decide what content they wish to display on their profiles,,,

But this is a forum for open debate not gagging someone. sorry if you find something you don't agree with - best not to come on a debate forum

I thought the point of starting a debate was to invite opinions rather than agreement?

Yeah I must admit too stifling an ironic snigger when I was so abruptly rebuked for lacking an understanding of what's required in forum participation ....

It's not that Soxy - the key is staying with the issues and not concentrating on personal attacks - they just lead us nowhere.

But my response was in context and contained no personal attack,,,,,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think a persons profile is their own personal space to present their personality as they seem fit.

To some it is possibly a lot easier to list a few things they don't want than to try to produce an inusive list which could run to pages.

If you find someone's exclusions offensive wouldn't you rather know that before messaging them?

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By *L RogueMan
over a year ago

London

The only decision in life that is ours alone is who or what we're attracted to.

Yes, if this was a topic about employment, then it's out of order but it's not that. Having said that, maybe if some profiles didn't look like and read like job applications then the comparison wouldn't be made.

I'm happy for people to state what they like and don't like so I can block them out of my search and me out of theirs. It's not like we're going to meet any time soon. Though I find it strange that some will still repeatedly look at your profile.

However, it's not what you say, it's the way that you say it. For me, the wording that some use does raise any eyebrow.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think a persons profile is their own personal space to present their personality as they seem fit.

To some it is possibly a lot easier to list a few things they don't want than to try to produce an inusive list which could run to pages.

If you find someone's exclusions offensive wouldn't you rather know that before messaging them?"

Yes a fair point made by another poster

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think people should look after the content of their own profiles and accept the right of other people to decide what content they wish to display on their profiles,,,

But this is a forum for open debate not gagging someone. sorry if you find something you don't agree with - best not to come on a debate forum

I thought the point of starting a debate was to invite opinions rather than agreement?

Yeah I must admit too stifling an ironic snigger when I was so abruptly rebuked for lacking an understanding of what's required in forum participation ....

It's not that Soxy - the key is staying with the issues and not concentrating on personal attacks - they just lead us nowhere.

I didn't see any personal attack .....

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By *L RogueMan
over a year ago

London

"So long as it's written in a way which is not derogatory then I can't think of a reason people would be offended. I've had guys tell me they don't fancy big girls for instance. I accept this and move on to my next victim

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The only decision in life that is ours alone is who or what we're attracted to.

However, it's not what you say, it's the way that you say it. For me, the wording that some use does raise any eyebrow.

Thanks for that, yes that's my point - I think it's the very unnecessary-ness that I find most strange.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think people should look after the content of their own profiles and accept the right of other people to decide what content they wish to display on their profiles,,,

But this is a forum for open debate not gagging someone. sorry if you find something you don't agree with - best not to come on a debate forum

I thought the point of starting a debate was to invite opinions rather than agreement?

Yeah I must admit too stifling an ironic snigger when I was so abruptly rebuked for lacking an understanding of what's required in forum participation ....

It's not that Soxy - the key is staying with the issues and not concentrating on personal attacks - they just lead us nowhere.

I didn't see any personal attack ....."

It was implied in your posting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like negative ranty profiles because it's clear I don't want to meet them.

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By *een1x_BedlamMan
over a year ago

Padstow

I'm fed up of the prejudice and assumption that all single guys are the same..... Which is why I'm sick to the back teeth of seeing "no single guys" on profile.

Unfortunately people seem to not want to spend time know my witty urbane, intelligent, articulate company AND miss out on my kinky streak and stamina in the bedroom.

Their loss.

What kind of man bashing do you think I'd get if I put "No morbidly obese fat chicks" on my profile? But yet, all too often, I see man bashing in my news feed, which is a clear violation of site rules.... (FabSwingers Society Law?), so theoretically it would make it illegal on this site. Much like ageism, racism and sexism is illegal in outside Society.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I like negative ranty profiles because it's clear I don't want to meet them.

There is that!

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By *L RogueMan
over a year ago

London

"I like negative ranty profiles because it's clear I don't want to meet them.

Second that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some profiles are very negative and demmanding but...they are saving a lot of people time by ruling them out.

Also its a filter for people who dont like negative ranty profiles

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Some profiles are very negative and demmanding but...they are saving a lot of people time by ruling them out.

Also its a filter for people who dont like negative ranty profiles

Seems to be a few holding this _iew. one I have some sympathy with.

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

Peoples sexual preference doesn't necessarily reflect their general outlook in life. Yes, some might be racist, but I think it is very dicey implying they are just from that wording.

For example OP you state a preference for ages 30+ , but I would imagine you aren't generally prejudiced against young people?

Open mindedness and liberal ideas about sexual preference cuts lots of different ways???

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Peoples sexual preference doesn't necessarily reflect their general outlook in life. Yes, some might be racist, but I think it is very dicey implying they are just from that wording.

For example OP you state a preference for ages 30+ , but I would imagine you aren't generally prejudiced against young people?

Open mindedness and liberal ideas about sexual preference cuts lots of different ways???"

Yep fair point well made!

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By *llebWoman
over a year ago

Poulton Le Fylde

"I think people should look after the content of their own profiles and accept the right of other people to decide what content they wish to display on their profiles,,,

I for one will not be dictated to as to what I can or can't put on my profile

As an educated person I am not racist , I have a gay son so I know I'm not homophobic.

But ....I will state that I won't meet bi guys , couples.

Its a filter .... Shame a lot of those people don't read my profile before they message me... Delete delete

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The world has gone crazy with the racist card, just because your not attracted to another race does not make you a racist for stating that. Get over it

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By *ristol_MTB_cplCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"I'm fed up of the prejudice and assumption that all single guys are the same..... Which is why I'm sick to the back teeth of seeing "no single guys" on profile.

Erm , you're missing the point a bit there, no single guys means they don't want to meet guys on their own, as in they want a couple so both parties can play

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The world has gone crazy with the racist card, just because your not attracted to another race does not make you a racist for stating that. Get over it "

Exactly this and we don't really have any control over who we find attractive and who we don't, its kind of programmed in us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Completely agree, same thing about the bi situation. If your looking for a bi woman or man only you can state that fact. It's a sex site for gods sake. Ridiculous really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do feel though that a list of things you don't want on your profile is a little negative, why not just put what you are looking for and either ignore or politely say no thanks to those who message that don't interest you? Still, their profile, their preferences, just respect them as you would want someone to do with yours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree, just lost what you want and what you are into. No one wants to hear what your not into really do they.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I do feel though that a list of things you don't want on your profile is a little negative, why not just put what you are looking for and either ignore or politely say no thanks to those who message that don't interest you? Still, their profile, their preferences, just respect them as you would want someone to do with yours. "

Was kind of my point, but I accept some people see that lists of negetives as a positive.. which means they don't waste time writing reams of PM's to them, so I'm moving further to the right currently

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By *sianmale89Man
over a year ago

Stockport

"Warning - opinion heavy..

I'm sure this is an old chestnut but I get very exercised when people put things like... "...and no bi guys or bi curious guys please" and/or "Not racist but please no black or Asian guys"

It's really not necessary to put a huge list of what you DON'T want. A polite no thanks on messages is all that is needed.

Anyone who starts a sentence with "Not racist but..." is clearly someone who IS a racists IMHO.

Lets have some POSITIVE preferences not negative and distasteful preferences on profiles.

Comments?

all I will say is this, some times it is a bit discouraging and in the past when I read that I think "typical" but then I realise just like real life everyone has their own pick of what they want so it's best to just leave them be..

so no need to get worked up over it I just accept it and let live really. what I can say is though that I have been approached by some women off here who I never thought would have shown interest in the first place who I find attractive, so eh I'm happy with that in the sense even though some days I can come across moody/withdrawn.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Warning - opinion heavy..

I'm sure this is an old chestnut but I get very exercised when people put things like... "...and no bi guys or bi curious guys please" and/or "Not racist but please no black or Asian guys"

It's really not necessary to put a huge list of what you DON'T want. A polite no thanks on messages is all that is needed.

Anyone who starts a sentence with "Not racist but..." is clearly someone who IS a racists IMHO.

Lets have some POSITIVE preferences not negative and distasteful preferences on profiles.

Comments?

I'm beginning to think that perhaps I'm just over sensitive on the bigotry thing

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By *litheroevoyeurMan
over a year ago

Clitheroe

"Warning - opinion heavy..

I'm sure this is an old chestnut but I get very exercised when people put things like... "...and no bi guys or bi curious guys please" and/or "Not racist but please no black or Asian guys"

It's really not necessary to put a huge list of what you DON'T want. A polite no thanks on messages is all that is needed.

Anyone who starts a sentence with "Not racist but..." is clearly someone who IS a racists IMHO.

Lets have some POSITIVE preferences not negative and distasteful preferences on profiles.

Comments?

It's a bit like saying "we're both straight but both like sucking cocks and licking pussies". Clearly Bi IMHO.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well that's another issue altogether. there's no bigotry real or implied in my profile

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By *sianmale89Man
over a year ago

Stockport

I'm beginning to think that perhaps I'm just over sensitive on the bigotry thing

life is too short, sure you will have days where you get worked up over things which you usually would not but in the end sometimes you just make peace with it and accept reality of how things are...

or if you don't it will end up eating you up inside and won't stop till there is nothing left.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll say what I've said before. We will not have sex with just anyone just incase we offend them. We will have sex if there is an attraction, neither of us are attracted to Black or Asian men it doesn't mean neither of us dislike black or Asian men it's just we do not find them attractive.

If everyone changed their profile to say only white men/women/couples do you honestly think we'd stop getting these posts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People have the right to put whatever they want on there profile,it's called a freedom of speech so if other people don't like it tough

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I completely agree that it's preferable to put what you want in positive statements, as opposed to a big long list of ranty negatives. But peoples' choice of wordy can be very informative and they often reveal their true colours that way, so I find those profiles useful, even if whatever it is they're disgusted by doesn't apply to me.

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

I don't really understand how people can say they're not attracted to a particular race. Never? Not one individual who is black can ever be attractive to you?

Very odd.

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By *litheroevoyeurMan
over a year ago

Clitheroe

I do not consider myself a racist however if I choose not to have sex with someone of a different race/culture because I don't find them attractive it hardly makes me a bigot.

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

A profile is a refection of the person behind it. If one person decides to be all negative, so be it but I prefer to have fun with people with a positive attitude.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A profile is a refection of the person behind it. If one person decides to be all negative, so be it but I prefer to have fun with people with a positive attitude. "

And very wise you are too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A profile is a refection of the person behind it. If one person decides to be all negative, so be it but I prefer to have fun with people with a positive attitude. "

But does it? in person we're both very positive. As with many cases with people's profiles people make assumptions. There could be any number of reason people put what they don't want.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A profile is a refection of the person behind it. If one person decides to be all negative, so be it but I prefer to have fun with people with a positive attitude.

But does it? in person we're both very positive. As with many cases with people's profiles people make assumptions. There could be any number of reason people put what they don't want. "

But 'fear and prejudice' would cover most eventualities. We're in danger of losing the thread here. it's not about peoples individual bigotry, my issues is that there is no need to advertise it

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

"I think people should look after the content of their own profiles and accept the right of other people to decide what content they wish to display on their profiles,,,

But this is a forum for open debate not gagging someone. sorry if you find something you don't agree with - best not to come on a debate forum"
i don't see anyone gagging anyone, I do see someone stating THEIR opinion though.

C...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How is that racist? It's a preference, putting it on the profile is just to avoid unwanted mails.

Jeezo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A profile is a refection of the person behind it. If one person decides to be all negative, so be it but I prefer to have fun with people with a positive attitude.

But does it? in person we're both very positive. As with many cases with people's profiles people make assumptions. There could be any number of reason people put what they don't want.

But 'fear and prejudice' would cover most eventualities. We're in danger of losing the thread here. it's not about peoples individual bigotry, my issues is that there is no need to advertise it"

So why don't you say you'll meet people from ages 18-99 and just say no thanks to those who message you who aren't in the age group you want?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A profile is a refection of the person behind it. If one person decides to be all negative, so be it but I prefer to have fun with people with a positive attitude. "

definitely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A profile is a refection of the person behind it. If one person decides to be all negative, so be it but I prefer to have fun with people with a positive attitude.

But does it? in person we're both very positive. As with many cases with people's profiles people make assumptions. There could be any number of reason people put what they don't want.

But 'fear and prejudice' would cover most eventualities. We're in danger of losing the thread here. it's not about peoples individual bigotry, my issues is that there is no need to advertise it"

But why are you assuming people who write their preference is a bigot? We do it because we feel it saves people wasting their time composing a message just for us to say no you're not our type. The other day I had a couple message us offering me to have cock sucked by him then fuck him, my profile says straight because I am. So I changed our profile to say I'm not interested in this. It doesn't make me a bigot. There are plenty of profiles that state they only want black men only I don't get offended I just think ok not for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

last time I looked this was a swingers site not a place where political correctness shone out like a beacon of hope!

the whole point of a profile is to state what you like and don't like, but most of all the type of person you would hope to attract and if that means adding a list of who you don't want to attract, then so be it!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A profile is a refection of the person behind it. If one person decides to be all negative, so be it but I prefer to have fun with people with a positive attitude.

But does it? in person we're both very positive. As with many cases with people's profiles people make assumptions. There could be any number of reason people put what they don't want.

But 'fear and prejudice' would cover most eventualities. We're in danger of losing the thread here. it's not about peoples individual bigotry, my issues is that there is no need to advertise it

So why don't you say you'll meet people from ages 18-99 and just say no thanks to those who message you who aren't in the age group you want?"

it saves time - and is part of the way FABS is set up. if there were no age rages hardwired into the system I would probably say that the age range we are most interested in is those from 30 to 70. how can that upset anyone. But saying no blacks or asians will of course upset someone.

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By *ittleminxyoungWoman
over a year ago

Hull

"A profile is a refection of the person behind it. If one person decides to be all negative, so be it but I prefer to have fun with people with a positive attitude.

But does it? in person we're both very positive. As with many cases with people's profiles people make assumptions. There could be any number of reason people put what they don't want.

But 'fear and prejudice' would cover most eventualities. We're in danger of losing the thread here. it's not about peoples individual bigotry, my issues is that there is no need to advertise it

So why don't you say you'll meet people from ages 18-99 and just say no thanks to those who message you who aren't in the age group you want?

Because its a preference thats why..nothing raciest about it...its like couples not liking our ages..its there preferences...

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By *igzag1Man
over a year ago

hartlepool

What about these people who don't want over 40s or people over 5 ft ten people with tattoos etc your just playing the racist bigot card for no reason

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A profile is a refection of the person behind it. If one person decides to be all negative, so be it but I prefer to have fun with people with a positive attitude.

But does it? in person we're both very positive. As with many cases with people's profiles people make assumptions. There could be any number of reason people put what they don't want.

But 'fear and prejudice' would cover most eventualities. We're in danger of losing the thread here. it's not about peoples individual bigotry, my issues is that there is no need to advertise it

So why don't you say you'll meet people from ages 18-99 and just say no thanks to those who message you who aren't in the age group you want?

Because its a preference thats why..nothing raciest about it...its like couples not liking our ages..its there preferences...

Yep OK. if you're not a racist then I accept that. But you could be and I'd still have to accept that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A profile is a refection of the person behind it. If one person decides to be all negative, so be it but I prefer to have fun with people with a positive attitude.

But does it? in person we're both very positive. As with many cases with people's profiles people make assumptions. There could be any number of reason people put what they don't want.

But 'fear and prejudice' would cover most eventualities. We're in danger of losing the thread here. it's not about peoples individual bigotry, my issues is that there is no need to advertise it

So why don't you say you'll meet people from ages 18-99 and just say no thanks to those who message you who aren't in the age group you want?

But as I have and other have said many people write no whites or black men only and that's on both all race profiles are these people both scared and prejudiced? I doubt it just stating preference.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A profile is a refection of the person behind it. If one person decides to be all negative, so be it but I prefer to have fun with people with a positive attitude.

But does it? in person we're both very positive. As with many cases with people's profiles people make assumptions. There could be any number of reason people put what they don't want.

But 'fear and prejudice' would cover most eventualities. We're in danger of losing the thread here. it's not about peoples individual bigotry, my issues is that there is no need to advertise it

So why don't you say you'll meet people from ages 18-99 and just say no thanks to those who message you who aren't in the age group you want?

But as I have and other have said many people write no whites or black men only and that's on both all race profiles are these people both scared and prejudiced? I doubt it just stating preference. "

Well as one contributor here put it " I can't understand why somebody would not find at least one person from a whole other race unattractive"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And just for the record I love seeing diversity in swingers clubs. And I think Abfab is one of the most diverse there is.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"And just for the record I love seeing diversity in swingers clubs. And I think Abfab is one of the most diverse there is. "

Great!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A profile is a refection of the person behind it. If one person decides to be all negative, so be it but I prefer to have fun with people with a positive attitude.

But does it? in person we're both very positive. As with many cases with people's profiles people make assumptions. There could be any number of reason people put what they don't want.

But 'fear and prejudice' would cover most eventualities. We're in danger of losing the thread here. it's not about peoples individual bigotry, my issues is that there is no need to advertise it

So why don't you say you'll meet people from ages 18-99 and just say no thanks to those who message you who aren't in the age group you want?

But as I have and other have said many people write no whites or black men only and that's on both all race profiles are these people both scared and prejudiced? I doubt it just stating preference.

Well as one contributor here put it " I can't understand why somebody would not find at least one person from a whole other race unattractive" "

Nice dodge of my question, so it seems that the fear and prejudice is only one direction.

Who's to say at some point me or the oh might like a guy black/Asian guy and want them to play with us if that was the case we'd approach them. And it would more than likely be in a club.

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By *ittleminxyoungWoman
over a year ago

Hull

Ok OP..lets turn this around then..is it raciest for a white woman...to put no white guys on her profile only BBC's

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ok OP..lets turn this around then..is it raciest for a white woman...to put no white guys on her profile only BBC's "

Yes if she is making a distinction based on race in the same way as an employer who advertises only for a black man is being rascist

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The old racism/sexism/homophobic card.. this gets very boring on here and in life in general, if your'e not a white, straight male then it appears everyone else can be a martyr of sorts.. wether its deciding who you want to spend your time with or who gets voted for an oscar somebody will get pissed off with your decision.. the ironic thing is most of these martyrs are hypocrites of the worst kind!! They segregate themselves from everyone else and then complain about it, getting on your soap box is a waste of time!!

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Are you saying people should be forced to meet and fuck people they are not attracted to? That is tantamount to rape

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok OP..lets turn this around then..is it raciest for a white woman...to put no white guys on her profile only BBC's

Yes if she is making a distinction based on race in the same way as an employer who advertises only for a black man is being rascist"

Have you seriously not gained anything from this thread ?

It's not a job !

The owner of a profile is not an employer !

The reader of the profile is not looking for employment !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you cite 'no bi guys' as another example of 'prejudice'; how would anyone on here meet anyone unless they stated specific sexualities? do you message gay men if they look attractive,leave it up to them to decide whether to respond to you or not? completely nonsensical!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok OP..lets turn this around then..is it raciest for a white woman...to put no white guys on her profile only BBC's

Yes if she is making a distinction based on race in the same way as an employer who advertises only for a black man is being rascist"

So then you'll agree if a black or Asian couple said no whites or black men only then they are racist, scared and prejudice?

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By *ittleminxyoungWoman
over a year ago

Hull

"Ok OP..lets turn this around then..is it raciest for a white woman...to put no white guys on her profile only BBC's

Yes if she is making a distinction based on race in the same way as an employer who advertises only for a black man is being rascist

Have you seriously not gained anything from this thread ?

It's not a job !

The owner of a profile is not an employer !

The reader of the profile is not looking for employment !

Im honestly sure there not getting the whole "its a preference thing"

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

It's not about employment law OP, it's about personal preference. I (mr) don't want to a black guy to have anal sex with me - that doesn't make me a racist homophobe !

Let's calm down and allow people to have whatever fun they want with whoever they choose.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

click

reads no bi guys or no blacks/asians/whites

causes angst

click

reads all are welcome

craft message

click send...... and happy

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By *uthTVDerbysTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

"Ok OP..lets turn this around then..is it raciest for a white woman...to put no white guys on her profile only BBC's

Yes if she is making a distinction based on race in the same way as an employer who advertises only for a black man is being rascist

Have you seriously not gained anything from this thread ?

It's not a job !

The owner of a profile is not an employer !

The reader of the profile is not looking for employment !

Well put

Context is the key here. Far too much navel gazing here, readers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We don't do Tory/Labour/Liberal Demoprat voters. Are we bigots?

Actually, we made that up. We don't care who you vote for. It makes no difference. (Just like voting makes no difference!)

Specifying your likes and dislikes is not necessarily a display of prejudice, although sometimes it is. But that's not what we're here for, is it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Imagine if every person who turned down someone of the same sex different sex or race was arrested for being racist, homophobic or both.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Look the issue here is straight forward. there's no need to be over defensive about your profiles displaying your prejudices and trying to hide behind the old 'preferences' thing. The nazis had a preference not to have jews living among them - it's a fatuous argument one which I don't want to pursue - we all have preferences some based on the most simple and innocent basis. Age, sexuality etc etc. we've ALL got them and some are even built into the fabs system (see age rage for one). All I'm saying that the unnecessary display of these negative 'preferences' if you want to call them that could, I say could... be hurtful to people. nothing more. I'm not going to respond to further antagonistic and over-defensive postings here now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you saying people should be forced to meet and fuck people they are not attracted to? That is tantamount to rape"

They're clearly not saying that, if you read the first post.

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By *ittleminxyoungWoman
over a year ago

Hull

"Look the issue here is straight forward. there's no need to be over defensive about your profiles displaying your prejudices and trying to hide behind the old 'preferences' thing. The nazis had a preference not to have jews living among them - it's a fatuous argument one which I don't want to pursue - we all have preferences some based on the most simple and innocent basis. Age, sexuality etc etc. we've ALL got them and some are even built into the fabs system (see age rage for one). All I'm saying that the unnecessary display of these negative 'preferences' if you want to call them that could, I say could... be hurtful to people. nothing more. I'm not going to respond to further antagonistic and over-defensive postings here now "

But you have preferences on your profile ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok OP..lets turn this around then..is it raciest for a white woman...to put no white guys on her profile only BBC's

Yes if she is making a distinction based on race in the same way as an employer who advertises only for a black man is being rascist

Have you seriously not gained anything from this thread ?

It's not a job !

The owner of a profile is not an employer !

The reader of the profile is not looking for employment !

Im honestly sure there not getting the whole "its a preference thing" "

It's clear that those with preferences shouldn't be citing their preferred choice of playmate according to the op .

Which would simply lead to a mass of messages from those who don't match their hidden preferences .

Not a good idea is it ?

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By *sianmale89Man
over a year ago

Stockport

woooooow! time out comparing ones sexual interests on here to WW2 events is over the line.

look if most people don't go for one thing or the other that's just the way life is OP as you can't please everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And comparing people to nazi's isn't offensive or hurtful.

I'm still finding it funny how your avoiding answering the question of if a black couples profile says no white people is racist, fearful or prejudice!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Has anyone reported IT? I for one am reporting THIS THING right now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here's a scenario .

A black couple post a meet , we check their profile , all looks good .

We craft a message to them , and wait for a reply .

They come back to us and tell us they don't want to meet us as we are white , and they only meet black people .

Are we hurt ?

No , but we may be a bit peeved that their profile didn't say as much . It would have saved us the trouble .

And a personal message would be more likely to be hurtful than reading it in a profile .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think people should look after the content of their own profiles and accept the right of other people to decide what content they wish to display on their profiles,,,

Well said

I notice the OP profile doesn't say they want single guys is the prejudice against single guys or is that just a preference?.

I think " live and let Live"

I do live and let live. only passing an opinion - that's what these forums are for is't it?"

Yes forums are for passing an opinion, not calling people racist because they have sexual preferences.

We have many friends from all walks of life including god mother to H's white daughter being black yet you state we are all racist.

If you actually opened your eyes people of all colours have sexual preferences does that make our black friend who will not date white women racist, not at all it's just there preference.

Stop creating a problem that isn't there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A profile is a refection of the person behind it. If one person decides to be all negative, so be it but I prefer to have fun with people with a positive attitude.

But does it? in person we're both very positive. As with many cases with people's profiles people make assumptions. There could be any number of reason people put what they don't want.

But 'fear and prejudice' would cover most eventualities. We're in danger of losing the thread here. it's not about peoples individual bigotry, my issues is that there is no need to advertise it

So why don't you say you'll meet people from ages 18-99 and just say no thanks to those who message you who aren't in the age group you want?

Why would it upset someone? If I looked at a profile and it said no fat women, I wouldn't be upset, I just wouldn't message them. At work, I treat everyone the same regardless of of race, gender etc but in my personal life, I have sex with people I'm attracted to and tough shit if it upsets anyone. I'm not a commodity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here's a scenario .

A black couple post a meet , we check their profile , all looks good .

We craft a message to them , and wait for a reply .

They come back to us and tell us they don't want to meet us as we are white , and they only meet black people .

Are we hurt ?

No , but we may be a bit peeved that their profile didn't say as much . It would have saved us the trouble .

And a personal message would be more likely to be hurtful than reading it in a profile .

Have to agree with this...I'd much rather see no bi guys on a profile than take the time and effort to write a message specifically for them based on what they seem into only to be either A, ignored or B, receive a message saying sorry...we don't like meeting bi guys...it makes things simple... I know their preference... I move on to someone who DOES enjoy meeting bi guys...their profile gives me a indication they may or may not appreciate a message from me...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here's a scenario .

A black couple post a meet , we check their profile , all looks good .

We craft a message to them , and wait for a reply .

They come back to us and tell us they don't want to meet us as we are white , and they only meet black people .

Are we hurt ?

No , but we may be a bit peeved that their profile didn't say as much . It would have saved us the trouble .

And a personal message would be more likely to be hurtful than reading it in a profile .

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By *abphilMan
over a year ago

sheffield

"Warning - opinion heavy..

I'm sure this is an old chestnut but I get very exercised when people put things like... "...and no bi guys or bi curious guys please" and/or "Not racist but please no black or Asian guys"

It's really not necessary to put a huge list of what you DON'T want. A polite no thanks on messages is all that is needed.

Anyone who starts a sentence with "Not racist but..." is clearly someone who IS a racists IMHO.

Lets have some POSITIVE preferences not negative and distasteful preferences on profiles.

Comments?

I'm beginning to think that perhaps I'm just over sensitive on the bigotry thing

A lot of people or over sensitive about racism and bigotry, a blackman calling a white person names etc seems acceptable as a whole, water off a ducks back move on, but the other way causes a storm so which are the wherefores and whats people will always find ways to namecall. Religion, colour,race, football team, disability time we all moved on!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm beginning to think that perhaps I'm just over sensitive on the bigotry thing

life is too short, sure you will have days where you get worked up over things which you usually would not but in the end sometimes you just make peace with it and accept reality of how things are...

or if you don't it will end up eating you up inside and won't stop till there is nothing left."

Wise words.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Perhaps you're right but cuturally it's becoming less acceptable. If it was a job advert it would be illegal.

I'll speak for myself.... I'm not looking for employment. Just sex with people I fancy. Is that terrible?"

yep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Warning - opinion heavy..

I'm sure this is an old chestnut but I get very exercised when people put things like... "...and no bi guys or bi curious guys please" and/or "Not racist but please no black or Asian guys" "

It's really not necessary to put a huge list of what you DON'T want. A polite no thanks on messages is all that is needed.

Anyone who starts a sentence with "Not racist but..." is clearly someone who IS a racists IMHO.

As someone who gets a fair few messages a day it's easier for me to state in profile what I'm not looking for as the list is a lot smaller than my list of what I could be looking for.

If someone is genuinely not attracted to a certain race it doesn't make them racist it makes that their preference.

I'd rather put sorry no straight women in the profile than send a message back to every single woman who contacts us.

I mean yeah, try not to come across as "rant-y" in the profile - it just sounds angry. But s polite note in profile is harmless.

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By *nfamyMan
over a year ago

Goole

"Perhaps you're right but cuturally it's becoming less acceptable. If it was a job advert it would be illegal.

I'll speak for myself.... I'm not looking for employment. Just sex with people I fancy. Is that terrible?"

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

"Are you saying people should be forced to meet and fuck people they are not attracted to? That is tantamount to rape

They're clearly not saying that, if you read the first post. "

I did read the first post, if people are not allowed to express a preference then how are they allowed to reject someone they don't are not attracted to?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you saying people should be forced to meet and fuck people they are not attracted to? That is tantamount to rape

They're clearly not saying that, if you read the first post.

I did read the first post, if people are not allowed to express a preference then how are they allowed to reject someone they don't are not attracted to?"

"A polite no thanks in messages is all that's needed"?

I don't necessarily agree with them but suggesting they're "tantamount to rape" seems a little over the top to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone who starts a sentence with "Not racist but..." is clearly someone who IS a racists IMHO.

I'm slightly offended by that comment, ive used the comment before I'm not a racist far from it in fact. You'll find people tend to use the prefix as one way or another people will assume the person is racist for stating preference.

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Have np with bi guys, asking as they accept that I'm not intrested in them and wiggles is. (I do take it as a compliment though)

No problems with any colour, though wiggles has no preference for black, as she tried the hype and found it no different (though we love black women, as the ones we met just seem to have huge naughty grins)

But in the end folk have preferences, we accept that lots of couples love wiggles tiny petite body, but have no interest in my chubby male body

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