FabSwingers.com forum: People at Swinging clubs

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hey all, I don't really make a thread much but thought I share my thoughts on a few clubs I've been to.

Do any of yous who go to clubs ever wonder why most people don't seem of interact easily?

Yeah sure some of them get into conversations after a while and bond but that's only because they manage to "break the ice". Most others sit or stand there quiet starring at each other.

What I noticed with shy couples is that each of them have there own quite convo while observing but do this for the whole night, then they either go off alone to play privately with out any third person or so, "advertise" themselves by putting on a little foreplay publicly to try and seduse and invite any convinced players to join in or just go home.

As for the single guys, some are so pushy it looks ugly on there selfs but as for the "wallflowers" they hardly seem to make any form of interaction and initiation to chat, flirt or play unless one "brave soldier" volunteers on making the first move then the rest soon begin to follow suit like a herd.

But overall I hate to be in a enviomemt full of "ice" and prefer red hot flaming venues where people's inhibitions are at their lowest and it takes just one wink to begin a play session.

What do you all think, can you please relate to this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Out of interest which clubs do you go to?

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By *verysmileMan
over a year ago

CANTERBURY

I usually go with a friend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people find it easy to talk to strangers and some don't. It also depends on the situation.

I can talk to anybody, usually, and its part of my job and im good at it. In my experience in a club situation, youre basically trying to find an attraction of some sort towards a complete stranger, obviously with a view to having a fuck after a short chat or whatever. In this situation even I find it difficult to break the ice.

I can walk round in next to nothing and have people see all my bits but that initial approach still feels difficult.

Saying that, we dont go to clubs that often so maybe it gets easier the more times u go.

Miss Nico

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

"Hey all, I don't really make a thread much but thought I share my thoughts on a few clubs I've been to.

Do any of yous who go to clubs ever wonder why most people don't seem of interact easily?

Yeah sure some of them get into conversations after a while and bond but that's only because they manage to "break the ice". Most others sit or stand there quiet starring at each other.

But overall I hate to be in a enviomemt full of "ice" and prefer red hot flaming venues where people's inhibitions are at their lowest and it takes just one wink to begin a play session.

What do you all think, can you please relate to this?

I don't really notice too much what others do, but we pretty much use the time to chill together ... we are together because we enjoy each others company and so do chit chat together, but its not because we are shy as such. We don't go to clubs looking for play ... so maybe not like other couples. In fact I think everyone is different. We are different at different clubs too. We were at a party yesterday evening and chatted to people we already knew .. no problems interacting for either of us, but we do that in a different environment and maybe also about who is there ... not sure if that makes any sense.

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By *ischief ManagedCouple
over a year ago

manchester

We go to chill as well and a play but for us its more our time as well away from the rugrats as night out so we are happy just to relax.We have found that couples are the more chatty, our first club visit we must have stood out as nervous newbies but were well away chatting to the lady half of a couple within 5 mins of walking in while the mr half of the couple was at the bar ,30 mins later we are still talking away and our nerves well and truly gone. Single males have never approached us

and tend to sit there and follow women and couples around.We are not that scary surely

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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago

leeds

We go to clubs to have sex, fun and satisfy our fantasies. We don't go to make friends. Having said that we have found all the clubs we have tried so far to be very friendly places full of people we enjoy talking to. Sorry to hear that the OP's experiences are quite different.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Out of interest which clubs do you go to?"

Tbh, not a lot, just Rios, Paradise spa, Eureka etc. Mainly spa venues but still I would imagine a genetal amount of people still get "stage fright" at meny clubs including vanilla spots,do see where I'm coming from. But then again perhaps it's just the exposed and naked feeling some people feel at wet clubs, but if that reason then those kinds of places should make it easier for peeps to get interacting.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hey all, I don't really make a thread much but thought I share my thoughts on a few clubs I've been to.

Do any of yous who go to clubs ever wonder why most people don't seem of interact easily?

Yeah sure some of them get into conversations after a while and bond but that's only because they manage to "break the ice". Most others sit or stand there quiet starring at each other.

But overall I hate to be in a enviomemt full of "ice" and prefer red hot flaming venues where people's inhibitions are at their lowest and it takes just one wink to begin a play session.

What do you all think, can you please relate to this?

Ok I can see where your coming from. Could it be that you both prefer to chat to others at parties and clubs on more "on-topic" bits and bobs as you both would feel more at ease than at regular clubs and venilla places?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

our first couple of times we were quite shy and even now have to sometimes take a deep breath and go for it on the chat to us side of things - once you start though its fine - not many people will go up to a quiet person as they wont want to appear pushy - a good club the staff will chat and enquire if they are ok - maybe introduce them to regulars to chat to - but now we just talk to most people

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We go to chill as well and a play but for us its more our time as well away from the rugrats as night out so we are happy just to relax.We have found that couples are the more chatty, our first club visit we must have stood out as nervous newbies but were well away chatting to the lady half of a couple within 5 mins of walking in while the mr half of the couple was at the bar ,30 mins later we are still talking away and our nerves well and truly gone. Single males have never approached us

and tend to sit there and follow women and couples around.We are not that scary surely

True couples tend to start and prefer a convo as they have a lot more in common to talk about. But as for the ideals of play, it seems to be only based on a permissions basis where one couple would invite the other or single person for playtime rather than seduse the other couple of single person to play.

Single guys plainly have it much harder as they are usually the ones on the hunt for fun (even if they are shy or a newbie) so it becomes a lucks game of which ever couple or single lady picks or invites them for play (not to mention the sheer amount of them at these places) so it's harder to choose I suppose.

But overall I can see why as they all aiming not to offend but find it hard to ask or interact correctly while worrying about what they may say or do something wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Perhaps it's due to us Southeners (Londoners) being more quiet and reserved then you lot up north. Infact I see this all the time especially on public transport (trains, buses etc) we never seem to easily spark a convo while in the Northern Territories of this country i take it's more the norm to have random chats.

Well I haven't quite been to a lot of clubs yet but i still recon it's the general london area that most people are reserved most of the time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"our first couple of times we were quite shy and even now have to sometimes take a deep breath and go for it on the chat to us side of things - once you start though its fine - not many people will go up to a quiet person as they wont want to appear pushy - a good club the staff will chat and enquire if they are ok - maybe introduce them to regulars to chat to - but now we just talk to most people

See now I really like your approch, that's how it should be for every one. Even for me when I'm in the right mood and mindset I do make the effort to speak to as much people as possible to fit in the scene (even single men at times) but anyone that remains remotely quiet will make me quiet and I find that totally awkward.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great thread OP. Single guys are often slated for not speaking in clubs yet couples often don't either. It can be daunting for many people; couples or singles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we try and hover close to the bar - we dont meet single men but will say hi to them - its an eye contact thing - that nod and a hello - then youre off - i do even ask the ladies if theyre bi - quite early on in the chat now

--- well if you dont ask you will never know -

- it is a social thing and met some lovely people through being brave enough to say hello =

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

The conversation is a tricky part. Generally as people don't like rejection. It's hard to know who will find you attractive.

We tend to go and sit together first and that chit-chat you see us doing can be anything, but sometimes it's a brief yes/no check.

If she likes a couple but I don't then it would be embarrassing to make an approach only for the other half to later say erm no thanks.

But then we will try chatting to people. Saying hi on fab previously to going is always a good ice breaker and you can use it on a couple if you've not chatted on fab.

Hi are you jane and Dave from fab.

Oh no sorry you looked familiar but we've never traded face pics.

Love you outfit etc etc

A little white lie to get the conversation going. Or another standard opening line is hi have you guys been here before.

Corny and predictable but it gets people talking about the place or other places they've been too.

After some minutes if we find no chemistry we'll say we are going for a drink or a look about.

If there is some chemistry but they have not mentioned wanting to play with us we'll say we are going somewhere but they are welcome to join us.

Obviously if we've already got onto I'd love to fuck you then there is no need to be so cautious.

Last time we went to a club we ended up in the hot tub with 5 couples just chatting it was great. Didn't play with any of them (maybe we weren't their type)

But it was nice just being naked and chatting.

But just goes to show just saying hi to someone does not mean you are committed to fucking them.

But it does help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We go to clubs to have sex, fun and satisfy our fantasies. We don't go to make friends. Having said that we have found all the clubs we have tried so far to be very friendly places full of people we enjoy talking to. Sorry to hear that the OP's experiences are quite different."
hey you hit the nail on the head clubs are all about sex with no connection not for me I'm afraid and for single guys why would you spend all that money it must be like being on here messaging " frustrating " and you've paid out money to

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

".hey you hit the nail on the head clubs are all about sex with no connection not for me I'm afraid and for single guys why would you spend all that money it must be like being on here messaging " frustrating " and you've paid out money to

They are only about sex with no connection if you don't bother to make one.

But you can say more in 10 minutes of face to face chit-chat than you can in 3 months of back and forth messages on the Internet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The conversation is a tricky part. Generally as people don't like rejection. It's hard to know who will find you attractive.

We tend to go and sit together first and that chit-chat you see us doing can be anything, but sometimes it's a brief yes/no check.

If she likes a couple but I don't then it would be embarrassing to make an approach only for the other half to later say erm no thanks.

But then we will try chatting to people. Saying hi on fab previously to going is always a good ice breaker and you can use it on a couple if you've not chatted on fab.

Hi are you jane and Dave from fab.

Oh no sorry you looked familiar but we've never traded face pics.

Love you outfit etc etc

A little white lie to get the conversation going. Or another standard opening line is hi have you guys been here before.

Corny and predictable but it gets people talking about the place or other places they've been too.

After some minutes if we find no chemistry we'll say we are going for a drink or a look about.

If there is some chemistry but they have not mentioned wanting to play with us we'll say we are going somewhere but they are welcome to join us.

Obviously if we've already got onto I'd love to fuck you then there is no need to be so cautious.

Last time we went to a club we ended up in the hot tub with 5 couples just chatting it was great. Didn't play with any of them (maybe we weren't their type)

But it was nice just being naked and chatting.

But just goes to show just saying hi to someone does not mean you are committed to fucking them.

But it does help."

Great tips.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

Great tips.

We still get nervous and if there are no spare seats it can be trickier as you don't want to hover over people.

We are far from a polished act we still get it wrong but thankfully no one has ever said yuck just for saying hi.

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Chudleigh

Interesting post. We have gone to some clubs as a couple and met people just walking about - it seems easier to interact when standing up. We find it much harder to approach people sitting down on their own.

I (m) have also gone on my own (no play), but interested to meet people and see who goes to meet up later.

Whichever way we do it, we always have fun, it can be hard to break the ice, in many ways it is actually easier as a single guy as it is only 3 people who have to like each other & often if the lady likes you their partner is ok.

For some reason we find swingers clubs way easier than night clubs to meet people...

It can also help a lot to advertise you are going, reach out to people who are going and ask club staff to introduce you.

Enjoy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We go to clubs to have sex, fun and satisfy our fantasies. We don't go to make friends. Having said that we have found all the clubs we have tried so far to be very friendly places full of people we enjoy talking to. Sorry to hear that the OP's experiences are quite different.hey you hit the nail on the head clubs are all about sex with no connection not for me I'm afraid and for single guys why would you spend all that money it must be like being on here messaging " frustrating " and you've paid out money to

Swingers clubs, fab or whatever way you use to meet someone will be whatever you choose it to be. If you go into a club and don't speak to anybody then whose fault is it if you don't do anything or any sex you do have is with no connection?

We go to clubs because it's a kinda like a pub or bar but more relaxing. We have no expectations of playing with anyone (and sometimes we haven't) but we'll happily chat to people. Going on party nights best or some clubs hold a social where it's not dressed down and free entry

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By *ustusboth2013Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Last time we went to a club we ended up in the hot tub with 5 couples just chatting it was great. Didn't play with any of them (maybe we weren't their type)

But it was nice just being naked and chatting.

Oh, you so were!

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

Last time we went to a club we ended up in the hot tub with 5 couples just chatting it was great. Didn't play with any of them (maybe we weren't their type)

But it was nice just being naked and chatting.

Oh, you so were!

I think that may count as fishing for compliments.

You guys were lots of fun too. We'll have to catch you on your next world tour.

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By *ustusboth2013Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Last time we went to a club we ended up in the hot tub with 5 couples just chatting it was great. Didn't play with any of them (maybe we weren't their type)

But it was nice just being naked and chatting.

Oh, you so were!

I think that may count as fishing for compliments.

You guys were lots of fun too. We'll have to catch you on your next world tour.

Haha cast your rod and reel us in. It certainly worked

Yeah you guys were cool so I'm sure we'll meet again on our conquer the world club swinging tour!

haha

Keeping in line with the thread, our view would be predominantly from a couples only night. For the most part we have found them pretty social and maybe the dynamics are different, which makes conversation a lot smoother and easier to engage with people.

Though we are both very sociable people and we don't have issues going up to strangers and speaking to them (God! Our parents will be livid after all the lessons in life they taught us! Lol).

We also spot the newbies and go and speak to them and introduce them to friends or others, as we appreciate not everyone is like us, or they're a little nervous and need a helping hand.

But overall it's been positive whether it's a mf or ff couple or a single fem.

Not sure if it is about the club but maybe the type of night.

I do feel for the single men. It is a tough job finding the balance of not sitting back but not being targeted as pushy or in your face.

I personally when a single pringle didn't like the clubs for a number of reasons but did venture to them a few times but that was because of pre-arranged meets with couples & once in Florida when I had nothing better to do so decided to have a nose. I had a good time engaging with the Americans and probably being able to chat about the swinging culture between the different countries enabled me to have a unique conversation that then went on to some fun (which they instigated).

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The conversation is a tricky part. Generally as people don't like rejection. It's hard to know who will find you attractive.

We tend to go and sit together first and that chit-chat you see us doing can be anything, but sometimes it's a brief yes/no check.

If she likes a couple but I don't then it would be embarrassing to make an approach only for the other half to later say erm no thanks.

But then we will try chatting to people. Saying hi on fab previously to going is always a good ice breaker and you can use it on a couple if you've not chatted on fab.

Hi are you jane and Dave from fab.

Oh no sorry you looked familiar but we've never traded face pics.

Love you outfit etc etc

A little white lie to get the conversation going. Or another standard opening line is hi have you guys been here before.

Corny and predictable but it gets people talking about the place or other places they've been too.

After some minutes if we find no chemistry we'll say we are going for a drink or a look about.

If there is some chemistry but they have not mentioned wanting to play with us we'll say we are going somewhere but they are welcome to join us.

Obviously if we've already got onto I'd love to fuck you then there is no need to be so cautious.

Last time we went to a club we ended up in the hot tub with 5 couples just chatting it was great. Didn't play with any of them (maybe we weren't their type)

But it was nice just being naked and chatting.

But just goes to show just saying hi to someone does not mean you are committed to fucking them.

But it does help."

Yes I agree, saying hi and other short convo starts can be great ice breakers. The trick is having the courage to approach and make the first move, which i see quite a few people have trouble with.

But like I said it's also to do with having the right mindset and mood to chat.

In my cases, when I'm in the mood to chat I can start a convo quite easily with any willing participants but those who put up an unapproachable vibe will deffo turn me right off them as I know even if I try to start thing the convo will end short and dull.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We go to clubs to have sex, fun and satisfy our fantasies. We don't go to make friends. Having said that we have found all the clubs we have tried so far to be very friendly places full of people we enjoy talking to. Sorry to hear that the OP's experiences are quite different.hey you hit the nail on the head clubs are all about sex with no connection not for me I'm afraid and for single guys why would you spend all that money it must be like being on here messaging " frustrating " and you've paid out money to

Even if the single guys are at these places and sites just for the "hunt" it still shows a lack of respect and appreciation for these who take the swinging life seriously (which is all about socialising and having fun, not just having fun)

Although I can understand where your coming from, there should be clubs, spas, parties where all it takes is a bit of socialising to easily initiase the play with out wasting too much time IMO

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Great tips.

We still get nervous and if there are no spare seats it can be trickier as you don't want to hover over people.

We are far from a polished act we still get it wrong but thankfully no one has ever said yuck just for saying hi."

Exactly, I think it's the general fear of a horrible rejection we seem to imagine everytime.

I once been to a "speed swinging" game where we singles had to jump from table to table every 5 mins or so making a convo with either couples or two single ladies. It proved to be a great ice breaker as the host would illustrate several example topics and questions for us to use. I did enjoyed the interaction so much to the point where I felt I wanted to continue talking to that one person without suddenly jumping to the next table. Felt abit rushed but i see the purpose is to get chatting to everyone within a short space of time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Last time we went to a club we ended up in the hot tub with 5 couples just chatting it was great. Didn't play with any of them (maybe we weren't their type)

But it was nice just being naked and chatting.

Oh, you so were!

I think that may count as fishing for compliments.

You guys were lots of fun too. We'll have to catch you on your next world tour.

Haha cast your rod and reel us in. It certainly worked

Yeah you guys were cool so I'm sure we'll meet again on our conquer the world club swinging tour!

haha

Though we are both very sociable people and we don't have issues going up to strangers and speaking to them (God! Our parents will be livid after all the lessons in life they taught us! Lol).

We also spot the newbies and go and speak to them and introduce them to friends or others, as we appreciate not everyone is like us, or they're a little nervous and need a helping hand.

But overall it's been positive whether it's a mf or ff couple or a single fem.

Not sure if it is about the club but maybe the type of night.

I do feel for the single men. It is a tough job finding the balance of not sitting back but not being targeted as pushy or in your face.

That's intresting to read, how easily do you think the Americans were initiating convo and playtime compared to us Brits?

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By *ustusboth2013Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Last time we went to a club we ended up in the hot tub with 5 couples just chatting it was great. Didn't play with any of them (maybe we weren't their type)

But it was nice just being naked and chatting.

Oh, you so were!

I think that may count as fishing for compliments.

You guys were lots of fun too. We'll have to catch you on your next world tour.

Haha cast your rod and reel us in. It certainly worked

Yeah you guys were cool so I'm sure we'll meet again on our conquer the world club swinging tour!

haha

Though we are both very sociable people and we don't have issues going up to strangers and speaking to them (God! Our parents will be livid after all the lessons in life they taught us! Lol).

We also spot the newbies and go and speak to them and introduce them to friends or others, as we appreciate not everyone is like us, or they're a little nervous and need a helping hand.

But overall it's been positive whether it's a mf or ff couple or a single fem.

Not sure if it is about the club but maybe the type of night.

I do feel for the single men. It is a tough job finding the balance of not sitting back but not being targeted as pushy or in your face.

That's intresting to read, how easily do you think the Americans were initiating convo and playtime compared to us Brits?"

Hmm good question. Although I haven't got a true comparison, as I never really did the clubs as a single male, though I went many a time as a couple during mixed nights so could observe.

My experience is that I found the Americans very social, very engaging and it was very interactive. There were a few single guys that didn't say much and hovered in the background but a few like myself got involved and it was a good social.

The British accent was a focal point, which was the case in the vanilla clubs also.

But I can't make my mind up whether the experience wouldn't be reciprocated. I can't imagine an American guy coming over and being embraced by the British crowd in the way that I was over there.

I could be wrong, as the swinging culture for the most part is a friendly culture, but not too sure.

Speed swinging is genius! Definitely should be promoted in more clubs I think. A great ice breaker!

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

We have always found clubs on the whole to be friendly and most of the ugly incidents I can recall are between partners and I can count them on one hand.

Although our experience is limited to couples only nights. Barr the one night we turned up by mistake thinking it was couples only.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People go to clubs with different expectations. Some just looking to be social, others just looking to play. I've tried playing in clubs but it didn't suit me, so now only use them for social. I enjoy meeting people, but do find the expectation of playing stops me being as sociable as I'd like, which is a shame really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've found it far easier to meet new people at a club than I do in say, a pub.

I've only been to one club but I talked to loads of people.

You are all there for a similar reason so its a great ice breaker and people are expecting to be approached and spoken to

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By *ustusboth2013Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"People go to clubs with different expectations. Some just looking to be social, others just looking to play. I've tried playing in clubs but it didn't suit me, so now only use them for social. I enjoy meeting people, but do find the expectation of playing stops me being as sociable as I'd like, which is a shame really."

Oh you'd like us then Debs. Sometimes we talk and dance so much, we forget what we're there for and then it's closing time.

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

The club we go to doesn't have single guys as such, males must be accompanied. But it's always been a friendly place and we've never had any pushy guys to deal with. We've noticed a few newbies that are a bit quiet and keep to themselves but we always try to say hi and include them

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Chudleigh

Speed swinging is the way forward!