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Parties....

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By *eestarr01 OP   Man
over a year ago

birmingham

I'm sure this subject has been discussed numerous times but as I'm still fairly new to all this I have not seen it. I was invited, out of the blue last week, to attend a party. The lady inviting me was the host, the venue was not far from me and, as I had nothing planned, I sent a reply saying I would be there in an hour and asking how many other people were attending. I got a reply saying 'hopefully' 6 couples and 8 other single males. I was having a shave and getting ready when I received another message telling me that it was £25 to attend and to bring my own drinks! I dont drink so that wasn't an issue, what did annoy me was getting an unsolicited invitation to spend £25 at a party where there may or may not be 6 couples and 8 other single males AND supply my own drinks....exactly what would I be paying £25 for??? Is this normal? I have only been to one party and didnt pay there and food was provided by a really lovely couple who hosted it....Conrad :O)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was it someone on the forum that invited you ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seems rather a high price to me, hosts not paying, 4 couples and 8 singles paying £25 = £300 for the hosts which seems more like a profit making venture and therefore on principal I would not attend.

I have hosted a few parties in the past, I supply a huge "more than you can eat" buffet, all alcohol and have always had lots left at the end, I also supply accommodation overnight, mints, condoms and even lighters and ciggerettes - I charge - 1 hug from each woman and a handshake from the guys but I get that whenever I meet a friends.

If we have a couple come to our home for a meet we always supply some alcohol and a full buffet though we never expect the same when we visit others, that's just our choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Seems rather a high price to me, hosts not paying, 4 couples and 8 singles paying £25 = £300 for the hosts which seems more like a profit making venture and therefore on principal I would not attend.

I have hosted a few parties in the past, I supply a huge "more than you can eat" buffet, all alcohol and have always had lots left at the end, I also supply accommodation overnight, mints, condoms and even lighters and ciggerettes - I charge - 1 hug from each woman and a handshake from the guys but I get that whenever I meet a friends.

If we have a couple come to our home for a meet we always supply some alcohol and a full buffet though we never expect the same when we visit others, that's just our choice."

You sir, are a true gentlemen

To the OP, if it was a forum member i'd report them and dont attend on principal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't have to go though do you? We wouldn't, but loads would

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By *atureFem4FunWoman
over a year ago

Petts Wood


"I'm sure this subject has been discussed numerous times but as I'm still fairly new to all this I have not seen it. I was invited, out of the blue last week, to attend a party. The lady inviting me was the host, the venue was not far from me and, as I had nothing planned, I sent a reply saying I would be there in an hour and asking how many other people were attending. I got a reply saying 'hopefully' 6 couples and 8 other single males. I was having a shave and getting ready when I received another message telling me that it was £25 to attend and to bring my own drinks! I dont drink so that wasn't an issue, what did annoy me was getting an unsolicited invitation to spend £25 at a party where there may or may not be 6 couples and 8 other single males AND supply my own drinks....exactly what would I be paying £25 for??? Is this normal? I have only been to one party and didnt pay there and food was provided by a really lovely couple who hosted it....Conrad :O)"

Then don't go.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It doesnt sound right to me at all. If a couple were hosting a party then they should consider the cost and the trouble it takes to organise etc. Most people will bring some alcohol etc.

Swinging should be about fun and not about a quick money making venture

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It doesnt sound right to me at all. If a couple were hosting a party then they should consider the cost and the trouble it takes to organise etc. Most people will bring some alcohol etc.

Swinging should be about fun and not about a quick money making venture "

As long as there are guys willing to pay to "join in" there will be people who will try to take advantage.

I say "guys" because it seems they are the ones who are targeted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's ok to say "just don't go" some people seem to think it is wrong do discuss many topics in the forums, would those people like to do us all a list of what is acceptable discussions and what isn't ?

The forums are for discussion, some people will make a choice, go to a party or not go, use a condom or not use one, pay half the cost or not pay, discussing it afterwards will help others make thier descisions, it will help newbies know if "this is the norm" in the swinging lifestyle.

You have the choice to read and comment or move on to a a subject which interests you

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By *atureFem4FunWoman
over a year ago

Petts Wood


"It's ok to say "just don't go" some people seem to think it is wrong do discuss many topics in the forums, would those people like to do us all a list of what is acceptable discussions and what isn't ?

The forums are for discussion, some people will make a choice, go to a party or not go, use a condom or not use one, pay half the cost or not pay, discussing it afterwards will help others make thier descisions, it will help newbies know if "this is the norm" in the swinging lifestyle.

You have the choice to read and comment or move on to a a subject which interests you "

I did read and comment....your choice to make your replies as long as you like, my choice to make them as short as I like.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

On many subjects newbies will need to ask questions to find out what is 'the norm'......... admittedly some could do with thinking about what they are asking before hitting submit.

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By *atureFem4FunWoman
over a year ago

Petts Wood

My point is that no-one is forced to attend parties/gangbangs or whatever the event is, if paying a share of a hotel room or share of party expenses is not your idea of fairness then just decline the invite......

It's not compulsory to pay, you just have to say nothing and block....or reply with a 'Thanks but not for me'.

Anyone would think these guys are being dragged along and fleeced of their wallets against their will.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's ok to say "just don't go" some people seem to think it is wrong do discuss many topics in the forums, would those people like to do us all a list of what is acceptable discussions and what isn't ?

The forums are for discussion, some people will make a choice, go to a party or not go, use a condom or not use one, pay half the cost or not pay, discussing it afterwards will help others make thier descisions, it will help newbies know if "this is the norm" in the swinging lifestyle.

You have the choice to read and comment or move on to a a subject which interests you

I did read and comment....your choice to make your replies as long as you like, my choice to make them as short as I like.

"

I wasn't particularly commenting on what must have been your reply (I never look at who writes in here only at what they write)

I was generalising about the many comments made in recent threads which seem to be along the lines of "if you don't like it don't do it but don't talk about it"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sounds like a money making scheme that prays on the uninitiated.

If the event is being held at a rented accommodation, then I can appreciate why the host would like the attendees to chip in.

If that is the case, I still believe it is rather underhanded for them not to mention about money being involved upfront!

Avoid at all cost, I would!

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead


"My point is that no-one is forced to attend parties/gangbangs or whatever the event is, if paying a share of a hotel room or share of party expenses is not your idea of fairness then just decline the invite......

It's not compulsory to pay, you just have to say nothing and block....or reply with a 'Thanks but not for me'.

Anyone would think these guys are being dragged along and fleeced of their wallets against their will."

but what I think this and the other big thread talks about is a question that does come up alot

"when does 'covering expenses' actually become 'profiteering'?"

for me that is profiteering...... and was deliberatly targeted...

so are we now saying that this is okay in the scene now? because then that is a disturbing suggestion for me...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's ok to say "just don't go" some people seem to think it is wrong do discuss many topics in the forums, would those people like to do us all a list of what is acceptable discussions and what isn't ?

The forums are for discussion, some people will make a choice, go to a party or not go, use a condom or not use one, pay half the cost or not pay, discussing it afterwards will help others make thier descisions, it will help newbies know if "this is the norm" in the swinging lifestyle.

You have the choice to read and comment or move on to a a subject which interests you

I did read and comment....your choice to make your replies as long as you like, my choice to make them as short as I like.

I wasn't particularly commenting on what must have been your reply (I never look at who writes in here only at what they write)

I was generalising about the many comments made in recent threads which seem to be along the lines of "if you don't like it don't do it but don't talk about it""

Spot on, we censor people too much on here by discouraging conversation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My point is that no-one is forced to attend parties/gangbangs or whatever the event is, if paying a share of a hotel room or share of party expenses is not your idea of fairness then just decline the invite......

It's not compulsory to pay, you just have to say nothing and block....or reply with a 'Thanks but not for me'.

Anyone would think these guys are being dragged along and fleeced of their wallets against their will.

but what I think this and the other big thread talks about is a question that does come up alot

"when does 'covering expenses' actually become 'profiteering'?"

for me that is profiteering...... and was deliberatly targeted...

so are we now saying that this is okay in the scene now? because then that is a disturbing suggestion for me...

"

Your right Fabio, there seems to be a disturbing increase in this type of profiteering activity, surely it's not a development most of us want to see become more of a fixture in this scene?

If it isn't we need to highlight it, discuss it and condemn it as not swinging.

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

It would perhaps be nice to have some clarification from Admin on profitering from Socials.

I know that another site used to have a very inflexible stanch on making money from socials/parties, to the point where if there was any profit made, the organiser could be banned for using the site if they didn't prove that they had spent 99% of the money.

I organise parties and I have NEVER made a profit. Whether or not Chameleons makes a profit is up to them, I host the parties in the club as there are so many people that attend and they provide food, drinks, games, raffle prizes, staff, decorations, hotel rooms etc and the venue is safe, clean and well organised.

I would question those that make a profit from inviting people into their homes/pubs/gardens (wherever) as to wether or not they need to tell the tax man and should they be made to register as a business.

If people hosted parties twice monthly and made a profit of say £100 a time, that's a profit of £2,600 per year and then effectively, their home or wherever becomes a brothel as they are not registered as a private club.

If people are being asked to pay for a party and sex takes place, does it make it a brothel or what?

Clarification please admin!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope that by discussing it at length and showing newbies that it is not the "accepted norm" to be asked extorionate amounts people will be better prepared, those wishing to exploit anyone who wants to attend a party or gangbang or bukake will think twice about ripping people off openly in mails and on the events pages.

If we stop just one from using the site for profit it's worth a thread, as someone said, the practice is getting more prevalent and the more done to stop it the better.

And I am talking about rip off's not reasonable expenses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

funny you should mention it but I got banned from the chatrooms for a long time after advertising an event that was allowed in the EVENTS diary but was not allowed to be discussed in chat, this was because the event was being held in Chameleons where you have to pay to enter even though it was not a club event just something that members of Fab were organising. some clarification would be good since many "paid" events are regularly advertised in the meets pages

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Those that want any sort of clarification from admin post a thread in the site help forum where they'll see it

they won't notice the requests in here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would hope that nobody has any problem with reasonable expenses. It's the profiteering that is so distasteful, newbies along with others should be encouraged to report such behavior.

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

I notice that the OP hasnt been back in.... and, as he stated it was "a week ago", my question is did he go, and how did it turn out?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I hope that by discussing it at length and showing newbies that it is not the "accepted norm" to be asked extorionate amounts people will be better prepared, those wishing to exploit anyone who wants to attend a party or gangbang or bukake will think twice about ripping people off openly in mails and on the events pages.

If we stop just one from using the site for profit it's worth a thread, as someone said, the practice is getting more prevalent and the more done to stop it the better.

And I am talking about rip off's not reasonable expenses"

Worryingly it seems to be quite a frequent occurance more so over the last month or so and it does need stopping.

But will it get stopped??????

Unfortunatly we all know the answer is no while people who will pay keep paying.

Nobody is saying never pay at a party, we have been to a few where NO charges are made whatsoever but somebody decides to send a hat or plantpot round for a whip round totally voluntarily to thank the hosts.

Would we ever pay to attend, personaly we wouldnt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think threads like this are really helpful for everyone. I would steer away from anyone who was having a private party but asked for a fee upfront. Fair enough to take some alcohol or food with you, this is politeness and a way of thanks to the hosts. By targeting single men and stating that there are so many couples attending is more or less offering up your couples' bodies in return for the fee and there is no guarantees that couples will allow the single guys to play with them. To host a party at a venue like Chams is different, they of course are a business and entitled to make a profit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seen this on other sites couples even singles holding a sex partys ..... and its all for people to pay .. Some will see a site like this all the singles looking for sex and make money out of it. Easy pickings for some here and its not right .. I hope people mail site tell fab if asked to partys like this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" Easy pickings for some here and its not right .. "

Unfortunatly and it doesnt make it right but it's only easy pickings because people are daft enough to pay to attend.

Look at it another way if a theatre was selling tickets for a show for say £100 each and the ticket office up town was selling exactly the same tickets same show same everything for £5, whos at fault for paying £100 a ticket??????????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We were recently invited as a couple to a gang bang. Was free for couples but 40 quid for the single guys. We politely declined but wonder if anybody would have accepted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We were recently invited as a couple to a gang bang. Was free for couples but 40 quid for the single guys. We politely declined but wonder if anybody would have accepted. "

What do you think??????

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By *eestarr01 OP   Man
over a year ago

birmingham

Did I go? Not a chance! I may be new at this but I'm not stupid!!! I agree if someone is laying out money to put on an event or party, its only fair to expect some assistance with the costs. Having said that, I have hosted parties in the past, straight parties, and I have supplied a good spread and some booze even though I don't drink. I have NEVER asked anyone to pay to come to my parties so I'm assuming these payments are something peculiar to the swinging scene?

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By *eestarr01 OP   Man
over a year ago

birmingham

Not a chance! The word 'prostitution' comes to mind, what happened to the spirit of swinging???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not a chance! The word 'prostitution' comes to mind,"

To a point yes, but carrying that argument on that is like saying clubs are brothels.

Not really right.

If you were to wine and dine a lady you met and end up getting lucky is that prostitution?????????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Seems rather a high price to me, hosts not paying, 4 couples and 8 singles paying £25 = £300 for the hosts which seems more like a profit making venture and therefore on principal I would not attend.

I have hosted a few parties in the past, I supply a huge "more than you can eat" buffet, all alcohol and have always had lots left at the end, I also supply accommodation overnight, mints, condoms and even lighters and ciggerettes - I charge - 1 hug from each woman and a handshake from the guys but I get that whenever I meet a friends.

If we have a couple come to our home for a meet we always supply some alcohol and a full buffet though we never expect the same when we visit others, that's just our choice."

love yas xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's ok to say "just don't go" some people seem to think it is wrong do discuss many topics in the forums, would those people like to do us all a list of what is acceptable discussions and what isn't ?

The forums are for discussion, some people will make a choice, go to a party or not go, use a condom or not use one, pay half the cost or not pay, discussing it afterwards will help others make thier descisions, it will help newbies know if "this is the norm" in the swinging lifestyle.

You have the choice to read and comment or move on to a a subject which interests you

I did read and comment....your choice to make your replies as long as you like, my choice to make them as short as I like.

I wasn't particularly commenting on what must have been your reply (I never look at who writes in here only at what they write)

I was generalising about the many comments made in recent threads which seem to be along the lines of "if you don't like it don't do it but don't talk about it""

good for you and we should talk about it. in this case it was particularly sneaky as they obviously got the OP to say yes so he is phscyed up for the party only to received the proposed "cost" later. There is another problem with this kind of party.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This kind of party can raise people expectations and they "expect" to fuck. This would spoil the whole atmosphere in my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

nothing wrong with a "reasonable" contribution but, quite honestly, just £5 would surely more than cover someones "eating" costs (since in this case it was bring own drink).

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

Well, just off the top of my head, as a guess, in two years of swinging I think we might have been to about 8-10 parties, and we have never been asked to pay. Also never been asked to bring food, although after the first one (which was fantastic) we always asked if we could help out by bringing something as we felt it was nice to offer.

Would we go to one if we were asked to pay?

If it was one of our friends, and having experienced some fantastic parties where they have really put themselves out where food and some extra booze etc (hot tub, marquee in garden etc!!) was laid on, then yes, I think we would, so long as it wasnt excessive (perhaps £5).

However, if it was someone unknown to us, I think we would politely decline.

Anyone targeting single guys to make a profit should be reported, and have their profiles removed.

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex


"Did I go? Not a chance! I may be new at this but I'm not stupid!!! I agree if someone is laying out money to put on an event or party, its only fair to expect some assistance with the costs. Having said that, I have hosted parties in the past, straight parties, and I have supplied a good spread and some booze even though I don't drink. I have NEVER asked anyone to pay to come to my parties so I'm assuming these payments are something peculiar to the swinging scene?"

Was invited to a "party" once where couples were asked for £20 and single guys £40 (girl were free.. ofcourse).

When I asked "And I'm guessing the cost goes towards food - as we all know single guys eat twice the amount of a couple combined while single girls eat sod all" I was promptly blocked.

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By *atureFem4FunWoman
over a year ago

Petts Wood

It's nothing new, and nor is it limited to this site.....There have long been people trying to make profit out of holding private parties in their homes or hotels.

Is it right?.....Probably not, but the simple thing is to report a profile if that member offends you by asking for an entry fee....then block it.

Or pay your money and attend if you are not offended by paying costs, as I am sure many guys on here do.

Personally I haven't been to a party where entry fees are charged but I have attended private parties as part of a party circuit where an annual membership fee is in practice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not a chance! The word 'prostitution' comes to mind,

To a point yes, but carrying that argument on that is like saying clubs are brothels.

Not really right.

If you were to wine and dine a lady you met and end up getting lucky is that prostitution?????????"

As a single lady, that is precisely why i choose to pay my own way, to prevent the possibility of just that. I am then not indebted to anyone and therefore on an equal footing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Personally I haven't been to a party where entry fees are charged but I have attended private parties as part of a party circuit where an annual membership fee is in practice.

"

Is an annual membership not the same thing but worded differently. You are still paying to be able to attend the parties but in a different way.

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By *atureFem4FunWoman
over a year ago

Petts Wood


"

Personally I haven't been to a party where entry fees are charged but I have attended private parties as part of a party circuit where an annual membership fee is in practice.

Is an annual membership not the same thing but worded differently. You are still paying to be able to attend the parties but in a different way."

If you were to attend one of the parties and see the venues you would understand why the membership covers these expenses.

Money well spent if you find the right party circuit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Personally I haven't been to a party where entry fees are charged but I have attended private parties as part of a party circuit where an annual membership fee is in practice.

Is an annual membership not the same thing but worded differently. You are still paying to be able to attend the parties but in a different way.

If you were to attend one of the parties and see the venues you would understand why the membership covers these expenses.

Money well spent if you find the right party circuit."

Probably but you are still in effect paying an entrance fee for admission to a party.

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By *atureFem4FunWoman
over a year ago

Petts Wood


"

Personally I haven't been to a party where entry fees are charged but I have attended private parties as part of a party circuit where an annual membership fee is in practice.

Is an annual membership not the same thing but worded differently. You are still paying to be able to attend the parties but in a different way.

If you were to attend one of the parties and see the venues you would understand why the membership covers these expenses.

Money well spent if you find the right party circuit.

Probably but you are still in effect paying an entrance fee for admission to a party."

The party circuit in question does not accept requests to attend, they operate by directly approaching individuals and asking them if they would be interested in joining the circle. They are one of three or four that operate this way, mainly in the London area.

They do not use swingers sites to invite prospective new members, they instead approach people in clubs and at parties.

Mainly in Fetish clubs as it happens.

Members of the circle are more than happy to pay an annual membership as the venues and facilities reflect the money it costs.

Just as with clubs like Chams, Xstasia etc. nothing on a well run scale can be run for nothing.

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By *atureFem4FunWoman
over a year ago

Petts Wood


"

Personally I haven't been to a party where entry fees are charged but I have attended private parties as part of a party circuit where an annual membership fee is in practice.

Is an annual membership not the same thing but worded differently. You are still paying to be able to attend the parties but in a different way.

If you were to attend one of the parties and see the venues you would understand why the membership covers these expenses.

Money well spent if you find the right party circuit.

Probably but you are still in effect paying an entrance fee for admission to a party."

As you are with ALL clubs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not a chance! The word 'prostitution' comes to mind,

To a point yes, but carrying that argument on that is like saying clubs are brothels.

Not really right.

If you were to wine and dine a lady you met and end up getting lucky is that prostitution?????????

As a single lady, that is precisely why i choose to pay my own way, to prevent the possibility of just that. I am then not indebted to anyone and therefore on an equal footing."

.

Same here re: paying my own way, as I do not want to take advantage of other people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

partys we love to attend them. we have been to a fair few over the years how ever some couples charge and some dont. the free partys we have been to have been fairly basic tbh and a bit boring takes the mick when u have to label your own drinks and cups yet people still stole them. we best party we attended was one in hull we paid 5pound per head. all the alcohol was included and had a huge buffet and all condoms and lubes and everything was provided. i dont believe that was a profit making scheme how ever some partys we have looked at have been asking for 40pound per couple no one is daft enough to pay that. its wrong to make money out of people after they have traveled and its cost them petrol. its about fun and meeting new people and watching lots of fun also taking part.

alot of people say they will never pay for sex but isnt going halfs or paying for a hotel room paying for sex coz that room isnt free??? nothing in life is free. i think u have to look at the situation and think is it worth it?

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"alot of people say they will never pay for sex but isnt going halfs or paying for a hotel room paying for sex coz that room isnt free??? "

No, that's paying for a room. If you drive to a meet, the lady isn't automatically a prostitute! I think you should differentiate between your costs and other people's revenue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yer bt at a party ur paying for food drink condoms ect i think within reason its al good bt with out a busines licence its illegal to charge where you wil make a profit. Swinging is fun but alot a people are greedy! Weather its a gangbang. Hotel meet or a party

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sighs .... whatever happened to good old hospitality and the joy of friendship?

We would never dream of asking someone for anything when we invite them to our group fun. The day you do this is the day you numb the spirit of swinging methinks.

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By *john121Man
over a year ago

staffs

I'm pretty sure this came up a few weeks back along the lines of sharing hotel costs. It seemed that if a couple has shall we say prebooked a room by their on volition and is asking people to join them then there should not be any further mention of monies from partners they choose to meet.

If they advertise that they would like to book a hotel and share costs then the room cost should be known and what share is expected ie £30 room couple pay £20 guest pays £10, however if they are meeting more than one person over the space of the evening ie 1or 2 guys every hour from shall we say 7 till midnight well you do the math and that's making a profit.

If they expect cash at home then that's a business and should be treated as one.

Tax, fire ins health and safety etc etc.

So when someone says we're having a party bring a bottle and your own condoms and oh by the way it will cost you £25! then make your own choice and I know what my answer would be...join a club where you will have decent facilities and make far more friends where undoubtably you will stand a better chance of being invited to REAL parties! Well that's my thought....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm pretty sure this came up a few weeks back along the lines of sharing hotel costs. It seemed that if a couple has shall we say prebooked a room by their on volition and is asking people to join them then there should not be any further mention of monies from partners they choose to meet.

If they advertise that they would like to book a hotel and share costs then the room cost should be known and what share is expected ie £30 room couple pay £20 guest pays £10, however if they are meeting more than one person over the space of the evening ie 1or 2 guys every hour from shall we say 7 till midnight well you do the math and that's making a profit.

If they expect cash at home then that's a business and should be treated as one.

Tax, fire ins health and safety etc etc.

So when someone says we're having a party bring a bottle and your own condoms and oh by the way it will cost you £25! then make your own choice and I know what my answer would be...join a club where you will have decent facilities and make far more friends where undoubtably you will stand a better chance of being invited to REAL parties! Well that's my thought.... "

and I for one think you are right in your thinking.

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