FabSwingers.com forum: Confidence vs. emotional vulnerability

By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

This quote was made on another thread discussing the physical appearance of women. It's a claim made as part of a very long post. I'm interested in the opinions of others on the statement.

"This site", to be clear, means Fabswingers.

"This isn't a site for the vulnerable or weak and the ones who are probably would keep their photos private and send to prospective meets rather than displaying them to 20,000 people.

Look at the nature of what happens here: naked photos being sent to complete strangers, meeting people for sexual relations, leaving people feedback based on their performance and personality. This whole process takes confidence and guts!!"

So, do you agree that no woman here is emotionally vulnerable and that being on this site, and meeting men, shows they have confidence and guts?

I, personally, think there are a lot of women on here who are lacking in confidence and emotionally vulnerable. I believe some use meets as a temporary patch for that lack of confidence and need the boost the attention they get here gives them. As a result of that I contend that the nature of the site actually attracts some women with low self-esteem and encourages them to stay.

Is this a site only for those with confidence and guts? Are there no vulnerable women or women with a lack of confidence here? Is it a valid claim that having naked photos of yourself on your profile proves you are a confident person with high self-esteem?

(I'm specifying women in this post because the thread the quote is from is specifically about women. I recognise there may be men who are lacking in confidence and who are emotionally vulnerable here too).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that statement is nonsense.

Sometimes being strong is showing your vulnerabilities. Sometimes being strong is coming to a site like this to overcome your vulnerabilities.

And sometimes your strengths can be your weaknesses. I just don't think you can generalise, statements like that can only be made on a person by person basis.

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By *hubnwife_36dd_ukCouple
over a year ago

chester

Is this a swingers site or undergrad sociology/psychology discussion room?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it's a good place to be if you're emotionally unstable. But for sure some are, it's for people to judge themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think that statement is nonsense.

Sometimes being strong is showing your vulnerabilities. Sometimes being strong is coming to a site like this to overcome your vulnerabilities.

And sometimes your strengths can be your weaknesses. I just don't think you can generalise, statements like that can only be made on a person by person basis."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did see that thread and just couldn't put my thoughts into words! This comment did stick out to me too...I'm not overly keen on my physical appearance, but if I didn't put my pics on here then meeting would become an issue. Being on here has boosted my confidence to some extent but I do still have some insecurities...I just choose who I show them to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think what could be said is that this site could be a site that can make or break you, depending on your disposition, and your luck.

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Is this a swingers site or undergrad sociology/psychology discussion room?

I'm curious, sue me

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By *r-UniqueMan
over a year ago

Carmarthenshire

"I think that statement is nonsense.

Sometimes being strong is showing your vulnerabilities. Sometimes being strong is coming to a site like this to overcome your vulnerabilities.

And sometimes your strengths can be your weaknesses. I just don't think you can generalise, statements like that can only be made on a person by person basis."

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I did see that thread and just couldn't put my thoughts into words!"

I'm feeling similar, hence wanting to discuss it to clarify my thoughts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I 'keep my photos private and send to prospective meets rather than displaying them to 20,000 people'.

I am not vulnerable or weak... but if someone wants to think I am because I run my profile differently to the majority of the other users, that's fine by me.

I do think it takes a certain type of person to be on a site like this. If someone has self esteem issues I would think it would make it worse, not better. Although it seems to work for some people so good for them.

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By *issLissCouple
over a year ago

south east

Thought this site was all about being non judgemental? Who is anyone to say what is weak and who is vulnerable??

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Thought this site was all about being non judgemental? Who is anyone to say what is weak and who is vulnerable?? "

Vulnerable in the context of the thread meant emotionally vulnerable to criticism of their appearance, (not necessarily just from low self-esteem but also, as an example, from needing reconstructive surgery following an accident or illness).

The quoted statement was claiming that women here are not vulnerable to criticism.

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By *hubnwife_36dd_ukCouple
over a year ago

chester

"Is this a swingers site or undergrad sociology/psychology discussion room?

I'm curious, sue me

Only if you promise to plead guilty and pay up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It was suggested to me by a male from another site that I join as he thought it would be good for me. I was not in a good place and had low self esteem to the point that I was doing stuff online that I wouldn't usually have done. Anyway, my first meet which I never expected to get one, let alone subsequent others, boosted my self esteem a lot. Sorry for the long post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know I would never become emotionally needy, I have seen this all too often.

I have a very soft side, but also I don't let my guard down to much, I never take prisioners who try to drag me down.

All these factors I have seen happen so often to women.I have known.

I took a bit of it in the past never again.

If someone that is of low self esteem tries to take that and self respect from you, your fucked.

I am confident in the fact I won't allow this to happen me ever again.

Her

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Anyone who has ever met me (and quite a few forumites have) will back me up when I say that my self esteem, my self confidence and my self image are all incredibly robust and that criticism generally makes me laugh and doesn't get to me.

Having said that I am still human and there are a few things which do upset me and I am not embarrassed to say that one recent thread has made me cry and get very angry. I have explained why in a message to the one who said the comments I found hurtful (even though that was not their intent) and I hope my experience will help them to be a little more mindful in future.

Like all of us I have issues, I'm working on them (kinda, right now it involves anger and chocolate) and I know that I will get through it.

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By *ustcutieWoman
over a year ago

edinburgh

"I 'keep my photos private and send to prospective meets rather than displaying them to 20,000 people'.

I am not vulnerable or weak... but if someone wants to think I am because I run my profile differently to the majority of the other users, that's fine by me.

For me this is how I feel

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Youve only got to read the forums to see how many insecure people there are on here, seeking validation from strangers, seeking compliments from complete strangers, getting upset over trivial things like rude pms when all they have to do is block, report and move on.

Then the ones who read more into nsa ( i dont mean those looking for a relationship) but expect lots of after care.

Im not directing this at just women but male, female, couples and tvs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Youve only got to read the forums to see how many insecure people there are on here, seeking validation from strangers, seeking compliments from complete strangers, getting upset over trivial things like rude pms when all they have to do is block, report and move on.

Then the ones who read more into nsa ( i dont mean those looking for a relationship) but expect lots of after care.

Im not directing this at just women but male, female, couples and tvs"

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Then the ones who read more into nsa ( i dont mean those looking for a relationship) but expect lots of after care.

Im not directing this at just women but male, female, couples and tvs"

This is pretty much how I see it too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think there are a lot of women who lack confidence no matter what they look like and are partly on here because they like the attention.

i think people must be quite confident to have naked pics on their profile and there are quite a few women who have mental health problems on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no confidence

But I am far from emotionally vulnerable

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I have no confidence

But I am far from emotionally vulnerable "

So nasty comments or judgemental threads on here never upset you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have no confidence

But I am far from emotionally vulnerable

So nasty comments or judgemental threads on here never upset you?"

Possibly some times but it's not real life on here is it so j just turn off my phone and carry on with life

If the site and comments upset ya it's time to take time out !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it does show that women have guts to display their photos and meet men / couples / women on a site like this .

It's probably the case that many have started their journey on here with a lower self esteem , and that will have improved as time goes by .

If one is able to see the positives from being here , and ignore the detractors , one can get a lot of positives from the realisation that there are plenty of genuine people who find you attractive . This can only be a good thing . But if you look for negatives you will find them too , so a thick skin is essential .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd guess that there will be some women that are emotionally vulnerable I've never met a woman on this site but I have met many men in the last couple years on and off this site and I do think there was many with very low self confidence and also some very vulnerable men on this site

So I'd guess its probably equal

I've also met some very over confident men that are absolutely hyper and very wearing

I think it's natural to want to keep some photos private be it face, body, sexual organs etc some just do not want to be recognised or linked to a swingers site or some just don't feel they need to show themselves at all at times I have loads of photos on show and at other times not many just depends on how I feel

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Which thread did the quote come from?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can put as many psychobabble labels on it as you wish but the simple fact is. Women are just bloody weird

Dr Zeus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Which thread did the quote come from? "

The fake tits thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Anyone who has ever met me (and quite a few forumites have) will back me up when I say that my self esteem, my self confidence and my self image are all incredibly robust and that criticism generally makes me laugh and doesn't get to me.

Like all of us I have issues, I'm working on them (kinda, right now it involves anger and chocolate) and I know that I will get through it. "

I think you are fucking amazing.

I don't do sycophantic bullshit... I really mean that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Which thread did the quote come from?

The fake tits thread."

Thank you,im not commenting on it then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i think there are a lot of women who lack confidence no matter what they look like and are partly on here because they like the attention.

i think people must be quite confident to have naked pics on their profile and there are quite a few women who have mental health problems on here."

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Like all of us I have issues, I'm working on them (kinda, right now it involves anger and chocolate) and I know that I will get through it.

I think you are fucking amazing.

I don't do sycophantic bullshit... I really mean that."

I know that I'm fucking amazing!

(did I mention that I have no self esteem issues?

)

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