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"I wasn’t suggesting what you put, I was showing the start of how problems manifest… can they end up rude and such, of course… we all have crosses to bear until we work on those triggers and definitions, my goal was to show why so that they would have a better inside into why, thus perhaps not being affected as much they chose that path Not making excuses for horrible nasty behaviour… perhaps one person reads that, and it helps them choose better for themselves. " It would be nice to think that someone who is rude (it's not just men, women and couples can be very nasty) would read this and reflect on their behaviour but I think it's unlikely. Some people come to fab with a very well developed sense of entitlement and deep sense of superiority. When that's challenged they have nothing but unkindness to protect themselves. | |||
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"I wasn’t suggesting what you put, I was showing the start of how problems manifest… can they end up rude and such, of course… we all have crosses to bear until we work on those triggers and definitions, my goal was to show why so that they would have a better inside into why, thus perhaps not being affected as much they chose that path Not making excuses for horrible nasty behaviour… perhaps one person reads that, and it helps them choose better for themselves. It would be nice to think that someone who is rude (it's not just men, women and couples can be very nasty) would read this and reflect on their behaviour but I think it's unlikely. Some people come to fab with a very well developed sense of entitlement and deep sense of superiority. When that's challenged they have nothing but unkindness to protect themselves. " Oh totally, and it should be checked, the behaviour is not acceptable regardless of how ot manifested. Are abusive words in the ban filter? Is it possible to code that you get one message until the other user replies? Similar to the way Instagram does it? I ask as I have seen that function on older architecture websites.. I know it’s a drop in item depending on the CMS. Just an idea | |||
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"I wasn’t suggesting what you put, I was showing the start of how problems manifest… can they end up rude and such, of course… we all have crosses to bear until we work on those triggers and definitions, my goal was to show why so that they would have a better inside into why, thus perhaps not being affected as much they chose that path Not making excuses for horrible nasty behaviour… perhaps one person reads that, and it helps them choose better for themselves. It would be nice to think that someone who is rude (it's not just men, women and couples can be very nasty) would read this and reflect on their behaviour but I think it's unlikely. Some people come to fab with a very well developed sense of entitlement and deep sense of superiority. When that's challenged they have nothing but unkindness to protect themselves. Oh totally, and it should be checked, the behaviour is not acceptable regardless of how ot manifested. Are abusive words in the ban filter? Is it possible to code that you get one message until the other user replies? Similar to the way Instagram does it? I ask as I have seen that function on older architecture websites.. I know it’s a drop in item depending on the CMS. Just an idea " I don't know what words are in the filter but I do know that any reports of abuse are taken very seriously by admin. They use a combination of warnings and temporary or permanent suspensions to deal with them | |||
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"I wasn’t suggesting what you put, I was showing the start of how problems manifest… can they end up rude and such, of course… we all have crosses to bear until we work on those triggers and definitions, my goal was to show why so that they would have a better inside into why, thus perhaps not being affected as much they chose that path Not making excuses for horrible nasty behaviour… perhaps one person reads that, and it helps them choose better for themselves. It would be nice to think that someone who is rude (it's not just men, women and couples can be very nasty) would read this and reflect on their behaviour but I think it's unlikely. Some people come to fab with a very well developed sense of entitlement and deep sense of superiority. When that's challenged they have nothing but unkindness to protect themselves. Oh totally, and it should be checked, the behaviour is not acceptable regardless of how ot manifested. Are abusive words in the ban filter? Is it possible to code that you get one message until the other user replies? Similar to the way Instagram does it? I ask as I have seen that function on older architecture websites.. I know it’s a drop in item depending on the CMS. Just an idea I don't know what words are in the filter but I do know that any reports of abuse are taken very seriously by admin. They use a combination of warnings and temporary or permanent suspensions to deal with them " I wonder what the ratio of reports to abuse recieved there is, and perhaps what users perceive as abuse? I know I’m sure this is somewhere to be read, if a user seeks it out but would it be possible to make a small announcement? Or perhaps even just a status saying ‘don’t put up with abuse, use the report it button’? I’m sure you guys know your system… or perhaps there is a more efffective existing thing you do? I’ll shut up now | |||
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"couldn’t take anything the OP had written seriously once this sentence appeared “Women nowadays are encouraged to have a far more masculine energy because they are expected to work and such.” Women have always worked, whether they have been fairly paid, or paid at all for that work is another topic, but to define work as masculine is BS " Thanks for your message, I wasn’t describing work as masculine, my apologies in the way I worded that… I just wrote half asleep… thanks for pointing it out. Perhaps I should have said being a woman in 2026 vs a couple of generations ago, and I was mentioning that because the feminine/masculine balance has changed dramatically and the methods of communication for relationships whether romantic or other and the change of free recreational time (everyone working so much) have exasterbated that… to my understanding … it’s all got tougher to navigate, for all concerned A good few years ago, before I started getting involved with swinging, I was told by friends that their experience was one of respect and good commutation, thoughtfulness for each other, no making plans without informing if something came up… some of that seems around but it seems to have eroded and I don’t think people have become horrible people, I think the conditions have increased stress and frustration perhaps creating desperation for connection… what do you think? Do you have any ideas? Perhaps less messages to new people? Seems the admin for some users means they would rather clear their whole inbox which sounds like a place that could be looked at? My thought process is to see an idea could help? I don’t know if run the people who do an incredible job in this site, if they have enough time and resources to be able to do that? | |||
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"I wasn’t suggesting what you put, I was showing the start of how problems manifest… can they end up rude and such, of course… we all have crosses to bear until we work on those triggers and definitions, my goal was to show why so that they would have a better inside into why, thus perhaps not being affected as much they chose that path Not making excuses for horrible nasty behaviour… perhaps one person reads that, and it helps them choose better for themselves. It would be nice to think that someone who is rude (it's not just men, women and couples can be very nasty) would read this and reflect on their behaviour but I think it's unlikely. Some people come to fab with a very well developed sense of entitlement and deep sense of superiority. When that's challenged they have nothing but unkindness to protect themselves. Oh totally, and it should be checked, the behaviour is not acceptable regardless of how ot manifested. Are abusive words in the ban filter? Is it possible to code that you get one message until the other user replies? Similar to the way Instagram does it? I ask as I have seen that function on older architecture websites.. I know it’s a drop in item depending on the CMS. Just an idea I don't know what words are in the filter but I do know that any reports of abuse are taken very seriously by admin. They use a combination of warnings and temporary or permanent suspensions to deal with them I wonder what the ratio of reports to abuse recieved there is, and perhaps what users perceive as abuse? I know I’m sure this is somewhere to be read, if a user seeks it out but would it be possible to make a small announcement? Or perhaps even just a status saying ‘don’t put up with abuse, use the report it button’? I’m sure you guys know your system… or perhaps there is a more efffective existing thing you do? I’ll shut up now " You can make all these suggestions in the feedback section of the forum For clarity we aren't admin but there's a report button on every profile and every message. I will post how admin deal with reports though | |||
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"couldn’t take anything the OP had written seriously once this sentence appeared “Women nowadays are encouraged to have a far more masculine energy because they are expected to work and such.” Women have always worked, whether they have been fairly paid, or paid at all for that work is another topic, but to define work as masculine is BS Thanks for your message, I wasn’t describing work as masculine, my apologies in the way I worded that… I just wrote half asleep… thanks for pointing it out. Perhaps I should have said being a woman in 2026 vs a couple of generations ago, and I was mentioning that because the feminine/masculine balance has changed dramatically and the methods of communication for relationships whether romantic or other and the change of free recreational time (everyone working so much) have exasterbated that… to my understanding … it’s all got tougher to navigate, for all concerned A good few years ago, before I started getting involved with swinging, I was told by friends that their experience was one of respect and good commutation, thoughtfulness for each other, no making plans without informing if something came up… some of that seems around but it seems to have eroded and I don’t think people have become horrible people, I think the conditions have increased stress and frustration perhaps creating desperation for connection… what do you think? Do you have any ideas? Perhaps less messages to new people? Seems the admin for some users means they would rather clear their whole inbox which sounds like a place that could be looked at? My thought process is to see an idea could help? I don’t know if run the people who do an incredible job in this site, if they have enough time and resources to be able to do that? " An awful lot of problems would be solved if people used very tight mail filters and searched out matches themselves. I know that's the equivalent of saying that we need to police other people's behaviour but it's one of the tools we have on fab, others are blocking and reporting. | |||
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