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The “Thanks, but No Thanks” message.

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By *ewruss OP   Man
18 weeks ago

Ealing

Interesting threads on how we all deal with messages received from users who don’t match, read the profile or don’t put effort into their messages.

I’m curious to know how do people deal with a message if the user meets requirements, has read the profile and has put effort into their message etc but is just not your cup of tea, do you delete without response or send a polite message back?

I understand that many on here are inundated with messages they have to sift through but it would be interesting to know if we extend the same response when declining others and if so, how does the response/delete effect those sending messages to others in the future?

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By *outhstaffscoupleCouple
18 weeks ago

Cannock

It's usually messages from single guys but if they are pleasant in their message we sen a pleasant, sorry but we don't meet single guys, but thanks for the message though.

If it's a standard two or 3 word message we just assume they didn't read the profile and we just ignore it.

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By *ir SupremacyMan
18 weeks ago

Bolton

I do it just to be polite if distance too far or we not compatible, however I don't get many messages on here these days anyway.

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By *ay W. BeauWoman
18 weeks ago

Wolvo

Same as above its its a decent message then a polite decline message but if its dross and drivel then i just delete it.

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By *aomilatteCouple
18 weeks ago

Midlands

We don't get inundated with messages (unless we take our filter off and post a photo). We don't reply if not interested. Many don't take kindly to a "no thanks" message and become abusive.

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By *uenevereWoman
18 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

On the couple profile, it's usually a "Thanks for your message, unfortunately you're not what we're looking for."

On this profile as a single woman who isn't even looking to meet, it very much depends on the message as to the response.

If they are clearly looking to meet, I tend to suggest actually reading profiles before messaging and then block them.

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By (user no longer on site)
18 weeks ago

We try to respond to every message regardless.

We thank them for reaching out, tell them they’re not for us and wish them well.

End of.

It’s more difficult telling someone after having a discussion back and forth for a bit, but we still do it!

We think it’s the polite thing to do!

If they’re disrespectful we just block and delete, but only had to do that twice.

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By *andPextraCouple
18 weeks ago

North West

Polite message back if the message itself was polite to begin with. Just because we match in terms of requirements (age, distance, wants etc) theres no automatic attraction for all. So we politely decline.

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By *ealitybitesMan
18 weeks ago

Belfast

The way I would look at what you have said is that if they aren't my cup of tea then they don't meet requirements.

I reply to every message I get with the same level of effort the sender puts in.

I don't send introductory messages and haven't done for 4½ years so every conversation since starts with a message from a woman.

If they have read and understood my profile and decide to get in touch I am happy to engage.

If they feel my profile requirements don't apply to them and they approach with a different agenda they will get a thanks but no thanks reply.

If they expect me to carry the conversation and resort to one or two word messages that's what they will get in return until they get bored and move along.

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By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple
18 weeks ago

Cumbria

We’ll generally send a polite thanks but no thanks, and wish them good luck in their search.

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By *issmorganWoman
18 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

I always reply when someone has sent a decent message and it's clear they've read my profile.

I usually say along the lines of "Thanks but no thanks.Happy swinging"

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By *ewruss OP   Man
18 weeks ago

Ealing

It’s nice to know a polite response is sent which keeps the faith for us all.

A few years back I was in a group chat and a woman complained of all the “Hi” messages she got and deleted them, however she also shared screenshots of messages with some putting real effort in before mocking that she deleted them with no response, she also got upset when she sent brief messages but didn’t get a quick response. It did cause issues as others in the group mentioned that it’s discouraging the genuine from putting effort in and resorting to the casting of the net messages.

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By (user no longer on site)
18 weeks ago

Pretty much the same, unfortunately we do sometimes mass delete but try to respond to as many as we can

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By (user no longer on site)
18 weeks ago

Must add though that we gong like the cut and paste messages it can be a turn off but do like the personal ones showing a profile has been read

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By *nytime2023Couple
18 weeks ago

Gloucestershire

We will always respond to messages that have read the profile and is more than a few words, even just to say ‘no thanks’. We state in our profile that we only talk to couples/guys who are meet verified, if there’s nothing on their profile we just delete. Everyone started somewhere but it gets tiresome with the number of timewasters unfortunately. V&K xx

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By *uvery30Woman
18 weeks ago

Gloucestershire

Same as most are saying.

If someone has put effort into message me I will always message with a thank you but no thank you (if that's they way it's going to go).

If they haven't bothers to even Try or it's there 3rd or 4th message after I have sent a no thanks reply they just get blocked unfortunately.

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By *viatrixWoman
18 weeks ago

Redhill

If it is a nice message, that I see they took time to write etc - most times I will reply with “Thank you for your nice message but I am not interested. I hope you find what you’re looking for”.

I have made a mistake in thepast with telling people that I am happy to converse but would not be meeting in person as I am not physically attracted and somehow they think they can convince me… 🙄🙄🙄

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By *he_13th_ghostWoman
18 weeks ago

Swindon

I try and be as polite as I can but I do put in as much/little effort as the message I'm sent.

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By *punk n gushCouple
18 weeks ago

deal

Were not swamped with messages but if some one does and we're no interested we just reply Politely saying thankyou for the message but sorry we don't think we're compatible

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By *asterMeliodasMan
18 weeks ago

Newmill


"It’s nice to know a polite response is sent which keeps the faith for us all.

A few years back I was in a group chat and a woman complained of all the “Hi” messages she got and deleted them, however she also shared screenshots of messages with some putting real effort in before mocking that she deleted them with no response, she also got upset when she sent brief messages but didn’t get a quick response. It did cause issues as others in the group mentioned that it’s discouraging the genuine from putting effort in and resorting to the casting of the net messages. "

My counterpoint to that would be that if the activity of other people is influencing the kinds of messages you're writing, then you probably weren't writing from a genuine place. I write well-thought-out messages because I'm the kind of person who thinks through what I'm writing and tries to make sure it's what I would consider worth reading; whatever successes or lack thereof other people are having doesn't affect that; nor does my own level of "success" (insofar as you can measure that by your messages being read/replied to).

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By *oxy jWoman
18 weeks ago

taunton somerset

i dont get this ''but i put so much effort into that message'' vibe i deservre more than a no thanks thats just being entitled and there no room for that on this scene at all no matter who who you are couple woman man..

when you join this scene its a simple selection and rejection with the rejection being the biggest part no body owes you anything nobody has to give you anything.... when you message someone your showing them you ...if they are not interested in you then thats that done ... if you get fed up like many say about sending decent messages then dont moan nothing is happening but also dont moan when theirs no reply or a short no thanks reply ...

its amazingly hard for men no one doubts that but at the same time whiles more pour in daily its not the fault of women and couples neither men alway have had its hard and as time goes forward it will only get harder as their seems to be less and less couples and women joining this scene ... go back just 10 years we always at least saw a new couple at a club i cant remember the last new couples we seen so couples and women are getting so watered down ...

its hard for women and couples to find men because there needs to be at the very least attraction and thats before any other comparability's ...

so write your message and then forget about it if you get a reply great if not then thats to be expected for to many join thinking its a sex on a plate scene and anybody fucks anybody its not

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By (user no longer on site)
18 weeks ago

I was raised to have manners say please and thank you. Treat others how you would like to be treat but it seems that doesn’t always apply here…

There’s some seriously over inflated egos in the swinging world you seem to be a 10 in real life not even close.

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By (user no longer on site)
18 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 30/08/24 19:59:59]

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By (user no longer on site)
18 weeks ago

If someone puts effort in then it's only right to be kind and respond even if they're not what you're looking for.

Unfortunately they're few and far between. We genuinely don't mind socials even if anything sexual is completely off the table. Infact we'd love to meet people (couples) who are into thus way of life for socials.

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By *opman121Man
18 weeks ago

stoke on trent

Manly men asking suck my cock thanks but no thanks

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By *hil most chillMan
18 weeks ago

South East & Europe

I prefer when someone just deletes my message without replying tbh. The "thanks but no thanks" messages just waste everyone's time. I also delete without responding when someone messages me and they're not my type at all. I don't feel bad because it's not rude - it's literally in the site rules that no response is a response.

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By *he 1 2 watchWoman
18 weeks ago

Birmingham

If it’s a genuine polite message but just not for me I always say sorry no thank you. If it just crap I just delete. If it’s inappropriate I block

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By *ilth N KinkCouple
18 weeks ago

Gloucester

I used to send a “thank you but unfortunately you’re not what we are looking for” message but after getting some serious abuse (from other couples) I’ve stopped responding at all.

It seems being polite just isn’t worth it with some people.

Kink (Mrs)

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
18 weeks ago

Wirral.


"If it’s a genuine polite message but just not for me I always say sorry no thank you. If it just crap I just delete. If it’s inappropriate I block"

This is my approach too x

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By *ewruss OP   Man
18 weeks ago

Ealing

Good to hear the feedback from others.

I posed the question to my partner and was curious to know what others think.

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By *herrybakewellCouple
18 weeks ago

Staffordshire

We would always be polite and reply saying we're looking for different things or something along those lines.

We got so many rude responses that now we rarely bother. If they aren't what we're looking for, blocked and that's the end of it.

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By *aughtyThreesomeCouple
18 weeks ago

Kent


"We’ll generally send a polite thanks but no thanks, and wish them good luck in their search."

Exactly this 👍😊

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By *heFastandtheCuriousCouple
18 weeks ago

Midlothian

We always reply when someone has taken the time to write a message and made an effort to read our profile. We just say thanks for your message but think we are looking for different things. It takes seconds to reply and be polite.

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By (user no longer on site)
18 weeks ago


"I prefer when someone just deletes my message without replying tbh. The "thanks but no thanks" messages just waste everyone's time. I also delete without responding when someone messages me and they're not my type at all. I don't feel bad because it's not rude - it's literally in the site rules that no response is a response."

Absolutely this. With a block too if there's no ambiguity.

If I'm just not into them I'm not going to send something which sounds like a crap letter from HR telling them they didn't get the job.

And the wankery of wishing someone "good luck in your search" or similar isn't anything I need to receive either.

I delete my sent items routinely so there's no situation where I'm anticipating a reply to a cold intro anyway.

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By *naswingdressWoman
18 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I used to send a “thank you but unfortunately you’re not what we are looking for” message but after getting some serious abuse (from other couples) I’ve stopped responding at all.

It seems being polite just isn’t worth it with some people.

Kink (Mrs) "

Agreed. I did an experiment a few years back. For one week I responded to any messages with signs of cognition, saying (where appropriate) something like "sorry, you're not what I'm looking for, all the best to you". For one week I deleted without reply.

The second week I got substantially less abuse.

I delete without reply.

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By *ictureboyMan
18 weeks ago

Cardiff

Sometimes and I am a bad offender of this, Between trying to type on your phone and not having the right words, or just the way it’s written a message can mean something completely different than what you intended. With all the photos some people just become very spontaneous and aroused. And some people here are looking for a quick fix. While others are in for the long run. I think we just have to Except that this site is for a wide range of desires. X

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