FabSwingers.com forum: dont want to hurt my partner.

By *ral1 OP Man
14 weeks ago

bracknell

I am in a sexless relationship and would really like sex not just wam bam but foreplay and penetration as well.

BUT MY PARTNER is just not INTERESTED, what do i do . I am thinking about dogging near a golf course , help please this is serious PLEASE HELP I am straight .

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By *londebiguyMan
14 weeks ago

Southport

"I am in a sexless relationship and would really like sex not just wam bam but foreplay and penetration as well.

BUT MY PARTNER is just not INTERESTED, what do i do . I am thinking about dogging near a golf course , help please this is serious PLEASE HELP I am straight . "

Not so much goes on dogging now usually.

Have a wank.

Easier.

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By *essTTWoman
14 weeks ago

Birmingham

"I am in a sexless relationship and would really like sex not just wam bam but foreplay and penetration as well.

BUT MY PARTNER is just not INTERESTED, what do i do . I am thinking about dogging near a golf course , help please this is serious PLEASE HELP I am straight . "

Speak to her about it?

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By *emma200Woman
14 weeks ago

Warwickshire

Defo speak to your partner , explain how you are feeling x

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By *ral1 OP Man
14 weeks ago

bracknell

I have tried talking to her but I don't have a rite to her body, I do respect her

ITS like this for 3 years now WANKING IS NOT THE SAME AS SKIN TO SKIN WITH SOME ONE. I would never leave her as i love her loads. it just the way i feel

sounds stupid dosesn, t it.

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

Totally understand

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

Sort your relationship or end it. Cheating is not the answer if you have any respect for her.

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By *neeyedwillieMan
14 weeks ago

Darlington

So here's the blunt reality.

On one hand, you're in a sexless marriage. For whatever reason, your wife no longer wishes to have

Sex.

On the other, you're on here and you're either looking to cheat or have cheated in the past.

So this raises the question....Why are you both married?

There's no sugar coating it and it is a story that's anything but true.

Medical reasons withstanding, I do not understand why one person will marry another then cut off intimacy when the other person clearly desires it. In the same breath, I do not understand why someone would step out behind their partners back.

I've heard every excuse and / or reason in the book and they're all laughable with 2 core underlying reasons. It's either a severe lack of clear communication about basic needs with each nother OR neither party should have been married with to begin with.

So theres only a few logical outcomes here.

You can talk to your wife. Honest, to the point conversations. Tell her about what you need, see if she's willing to get help or find out why she's no longer wishing to be intimate. The alternate, if she's not wanting to do that is letting you seek sex elsewhere.

The alternative to that is seperation and divorce.

Or...you could just sneak about behind her back which I'll never advocate for but it's your life.

I've seen waaaaay too many people, men and women, i know get divorced over these issues over the last 25 years. Many (not all), boiled down to the inability to communicate due to "not wanting to hurt the others feelings which always leads to one party ignoring the others needs physically or emotionally.

This is probably why, in this time we have divorce rates at the highest they've ever been and more people than ever saying (at least openly in some form) that they are trapped in a sexless marriage.

I couldn't even begin to list all the studies and research that's going on about the issue right now but I assure you...it IS a noticeable issue and there are so many causes if you care to go down the rabbit hole of reading up and researching it for yourself.

So accept the following as the truth because it is.

All actions have consequences.

If you take action and talk to your wife and nothing changes you at least tried that. The consequences of that action is either going out and cheating or living in a sexless marriage for the rest of your years which in itself is the consequences for your previous actions.

Eitherway, you're not happy and sounds like she isn't either otherwise intimacy wouldn't be a problem.

Do something or spend the rest of your life with resentment.

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By *iker JackMan
14 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

What is the relevance of a golf course to dogging

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By *uttercupWoman
14 weeks ago

Borders

You need to fix the marriage. Good communication is the key, cheating won't fix shit.

Leave if it's not what you want, but you have absolutely no right to deceive & mess with the woman who shares her life with you.

Ask yourself why she doesn't want sex with you.

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By *assageVirtuosoMan
14 weeks ago

SouthEast

"You need to fix the marriage. Good communication is the key, cheating won't fix shit.

Leave if it's not what you want, but you have absolutely no right to deceive & mess with the woman who shares her life with you.

Ask yourself why she doesn't want sex with you."

By the sound of it, that woman doesn't share all with her husband. When he is hungry and his wife denies him food, he can go out and eat . When he needs intimacy and ....you can feel in the rest.

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By *uttercupWoman
14 weeks ago

Borders

"You need to fix the marriage. Good communication is the key, cheating won't fix shit.

Leave if it's not what you want, but you have absolutely no right to deceive & mess with the woman who shares her life with you.

Ask yourself why she doesn't want sex with you.

By the sound of it, that woman doesn't share all with her husband. When he is hungry and his wife denies him food, he can go out and eat . When he needs intimacy and ....you can feel in the rest. "

What a horrible way of thinking. Cheating is NEVER acceptable.

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By *partharmonyCouple
14 weeks ago

Ruislip

Even if you could find sex through dogging I don't think you'll find it gives you the foreplay you are looking for.

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By *assageVirtuosoMan
14 weeks ago

SouthEast

"I am in a sexless relationship and would really like sex not just wam bam but foreplay and penetration as well.

BUT MY PARTNER is just not INTERESTED, what do i do . I am thinking about dogging near a golf course , help please this is serious PLEASE HELP I am straight . "

OP,don't cry for help. Noone is going to help you. You have a life, take the matters in your own hands. And I don't mean to jerk off ,😂

You've talked and talked and nothing changes . You aren't the first nor the last one to find yourself in a sexless marriage for whatever reasons. You've seen the responses here, but I'll tell you one thing : don't let anyone judge you what you do . It's your life and no one can scold and lecture you.

If you want to find a fuck buddy or shag around everything with a whole , it's your decision. Look after yourself because life is to be enjoyed, after all!

Some say divorce. Don't listen to them. You don't have to break your marriage because something is missing. Nothing is ideal in this world.

Conversely, see if your wife might already be cheating on you, hence not taking interest in you. Just one of the many reasons for no sex, of course.

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By *assageVirtuosoMan
14 weeks ago

SouthEast

"You need to fix the marriage. Good communication is the key, cheating won't fix shit.

Leave if it's not what you want, but you have absolutely no right to deceive & mess with the woman who shares her life with you.

Ask yourself why she doesn't want sex with you.

By the sound of it, that woman doesn't share all with her husband. When he is hungry and his wife denies him food, he can go out and eat . When he needs intimacy and ....you can feel in the rest.

What a horrible way of thinking. Cheating is NEVER acceptable. "

Never say never. You don't know and have no right to judge others.

You can only judge for yourself and only what concerns you personally . Are you OP's wife ?

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By *AYENCouple
14 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

"You need to fix the marriage. Good communication is the key, cheating won't fix shit.

Leave if it's not what you want, but you have absolutely no right to deceive & mess with the woman who shares her life with you.

Ask yourself why she doesn't want sex with you.

By the sound of it, that woman doesn't share all with her husband. When he is hungry and his wife denies him food, he can go out and eat . When he needs intimacy and ....you can feel in the rest. "

How exactly would a wife deny her husband food? Block the cupboards, padlock the fridge?! That analogy doesn't even come close. K.

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By *assageVirtuosoMan
14 weeks ago

SouthEast

"You need to fix the marriage. Good communication is the key, cheating won't fix shit.

Leave if it's not what you want, but you have absolutely no right to deceive & mess with the woman who shares her life with you.

Ask yourself why she doesn't want sex with you.

By the sound of it, that woman doesn't share all with her husband. When he is hungry and his wife denies him food, he can go out and eat . When he needs intimacy and ....you can feel in the rest.

How exactly would a wife deny her husband food? Block the cupboards, padlock the fridge?! That analogy doesn't even come close. K."

Perhaps all that and more...

But I didn't think anyone would be so childish to fail to understand the main idea.

There was a poster years ago:

"A good wife will not let her man leave the house hungry. Or...horny"

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By *assageVirtuosoMan
14 weeks ago

SouthEast

"I am in a sexless relationship and would really like sex not just wam bam but foreplay and penetration as well.

BUT MY PARTNER is just not INTERESTED, what do i do . I am thinking about dogging near a golf course , help please this is serious PLEASE HELP I am straight .

OP,don't cry for help. Noone is going to help you. You have a life, take the matters in your own hands. And I don't mean to jerk off ,😂

If you want to find a fuck buddy or shag around everything with a whole , it's your decision. Look after yourself because life is to be enjoyed, after all!

Some say divorce. Don't listen to them. You don't have to break your marriage because something is missing. Nothing is ideal in this world.

Conversely, see if your wife might already be cheating on you, hence not taking interest in you. Just one of the many reasons for no sex, of course. "

*hole

not "whole"

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By *CBoyTV/TS
14 weeks ago

Tonypandy

Use a professional. Unlikely to get satisfaction from dogging. Youd have to make excuses to get out late at night?? Have you thought about that. And its very rare to find someone dogging these days. So find a working girl who can accommodate at a time to suit you. All hobbies cost money so just think of it that way. Contact me direct if you want info on best website to check.

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By *inckguyMan
14 weeks ago

Hinckley

You said you've tried talking, what about using a marriage counselling service or someone who specialises in such issues?

A professional third party might help you both reach a breakthrough

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By *ouple4voyeurCouple
14 weeks ago

Birmingham

If sex is the only thing your relationship is made on for you, then you have no relationship.

End it, take the financial hit, and find another woman. But remember, most women have hit menopause by this age, and lots have lost thier sex drive.

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
14 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

[Removed by poster at 05/08/24 07:15:15]

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By *inckguyMan
14 weeks ago

Hinckley

"If sex is the only thing your relationship is made on for you, then you have no relationship."

Sex shouldn't be the the be all and end all of any relationship, however if one party decides to withdraw this aspect unilaterally then it's a good sign the other parts of the relationship aren't great either.

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
14 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

As far as your relationship is concerned you can break it down to 3 options that you have:

1. Put up and shut up - live with what you have and make your own decisions about the lack of sex.

2. Do something about it - for it to change you need 2 willing parties.

3. Bring it to an end.

You need to decide.

If you are going to talk to her about it, find out why she doesn't want sex anymore (presumably she has wanted it in the past). If she's a similar age to you, it could be a lack of sex drive due to the menopause, in which case she might benefit from going to her GP, or specialist clinic. If going to her GP, a female Dr will probably be best as they are generally more understanding. A blood test can test for testosterone, which if low, can lower sex drive. If treated, it can send her sex drive through the roof.

However, there can be plenty of other reasons that she doesn't want to have sex. If she loves you, (the way that you claim to love her), she'll discuss it with you. If you love her (the way that you claim to love her), you won't cheat on her. If there is only love on one side of the relationship, and if that can't be changed, it's not worth continuing. Reading between the lines, it seems that you are in this situation and don't want to end it, but have given up on it, so you have accepted that you can live in the empty shell of want was, and get sexual fulfillment elsewhere.

If having the conversation with her about the lack of sex (and the other aspects of your relationship), maybe have the conversation that I had with my (now ex) wife. I asked her 'Is sex important in our relationship?' If she says no, say 'so it doesn't matter if I get it somewhere else then?' She replied, 'now you've put it like that, yes, it is', so I asked her why don't we have it more often?

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By *iliciousCouple
14 weeks ago

Sussex/Surrey

If broaching the conversation is difficult (and totally get that) a suggestion might be to write her a thoughtful letter (as in a paper letter, not an email or text) setting out all your feelings. Book a hotel and go away for a couple of days, saying you need a break. Leave the letter for her and say you'd love to talk when you get back. Might take the immediate heat out of the situation.

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By *riel13Woman
14 weeks ago

Northampton

I have found I stop wanting sex with men I have loved when I stop trusting them completely... I don't mean about cheating either... Intimacy, cuddles etc... stop then because you assume it will always lead to him wanting sex... Be kind and genuine (I hate that word but...) towards her and speak the truth... Always... No fluffing to make her feel better... If that doesn't help then it doesn't matter how much you love her... That's my opinion, anyway

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By *riel13Woman
14 weeks ago

Northampton

Also... Maybe suggest seeing a marriage Councillor

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By *issmorganWoman
14 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

Ask her if she will let you discreetly seek sex elsewhere, then you get sex without cheating or sneaking around.

Sit and explain you understand she doesn't want sex and you don't wanna pester her, but that you still have needs and want a sex life.

See what she says to that.

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By *iker JackMan
14 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

My honest answer is you’re asking the wrong people

Ask 100 people and you’ll get a multitude of answers but only hear the ones that you want to

You know the answer already. Speak to her. If you can’t speak to her then you have to make a decision whether sex is that important that if caught you potentially could lose your marriage over

If you speak to her and she says no then the decision above is the same

My question would be though, why has she gone off sex?

That could be for a plethora of reasons and your response is to want to meet someone else rather than try and help her.

If you didn’t want sex anymore for whatever reason would you give her permission to go and get it elsewhere

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By *wingyDingDingCouple
14 weeks ago

Cheshire

100% this! My husband liked the idea of swinging years before mentioning to me. He eventually did, and although it didn't go down well at the start, we talked it through and look where we are now

I'm not saying it will be the outcome like this but communicate first. Cheating isn't the answer

"Defo speak to your partner , explain how you are feeling x"

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By *asterMeliodasMan
14 weeks ago

Newmill

"Perhaps all that and more...

But I didn't think anyone would be so childish to fail to understand the main idea.

There was a poster years ago:

"A good wife will not let her man leave the house hungry. Or...horny""

Why is it automatically a wife's responsibility to feed her man? Is he incapable of preparing food for himself?

In an ideal world, everyone would get sex any time they want it. But we don't live in an ideal world, and the reality is that in order for it to happen ethically, all involved parties have to be into it. It's also a reality that libido can be a fluid and variable thing, for a multitude of reasons.

We have no idea what the reason is in this case, but if OP doesn't want to hurt his wife, he cannot cheat. She will be hurt by it, eventually. Cheaters are always discovered at some point.

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By *piritualBlackBWW1979Woman
14 weeks ago

Medway

"So here's the blunt reality.

On one hand, you're in a sexless marriage. For whatever reason, your wife no longer wishes to have

Sex.

On the other, you're on here and you're either looking to cheat or have cheated in the past.

So this raises the question....Why are you both married?

There's no sugar coating it and it is a story that's anything but true.

So theres only a few logical outcomes here.

The alternative to that is seperation and divorce.

Or...you could just sneak about behind her back which I'll never advocate for but it's your life.

This is probably why, in this time we have divorce rates at the highest they've ever been and more people than ever saying (at least openly in some form) that they are trapped in a sexless marriage.

So accept the following as the truth because it is.

All actions have consequences.

Eitherway, you're not happy and sounds like she isn't either otherwise intimacy wouldn't be a problem.

Do something or spend the rest of your life with resentment.

Very well put. You articulated every point for the OP to really help make an informed decision.

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By *oxy jWoman
14 weeks ago

somerset

i worry for people who feel they have to ask strangers things about THIER marriage the one person who should know his wife better than anyone is her husband .... why marry if your not going to be completely open with each other ...

swinging is not as popular as some suggest its still a very underground activity there's no signs of it becoming any bigger in fact a lot would say couples and women wise its gotten smaller since covid but the man side has exploded and the problem with this is all these men now want to swing yet are married to women who have no such desires or ever will...

its a sad case of oh they have it so i want it too but you cant why because you married the wrong person 99.99% of women dont want this lifestyle you can tell that by how few join these sites other wise the % were be more even and there not look at how few clubs there are in the uk look at how few use them look at how rare it is that they are full its telling you most women are not interested....

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

Ask yourself these questions;

Are you being the man you want to be, the man you want your kids (if you have any) friends and family to look up to, love and be proud of?

Have you BOTH tried to communicate, listen to and resolve these issues? I don't mean a quick I'm not happy conversation that's brushed aside and everything carries on as normal. I mean the truthful, uncomfortable often painful conversation that is really needed asap.

If you've had that conversation, have you booked any professional counselling for you both to attend and did you attend it?

If you can't answer yes to all those questions you need to act now. It won't be easy at all, but it's the only way things will improve for both of you. To change your life you must make changes, even if they are difficult.

It's not fun feeling trapped in a difficult relationship, but ultimately you are the only one trapping you there. I know it's frightening, but it's not impossible for you both to find the happiness you each deserve and not inflict more pain and suffering on each other. As the saying goes, nothing is permanent, only temporary and this too will pass. You have the power to change.

Good luck to you both op

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By *assageVirtuosoMan
14 weeks ago

SouthEast

"I am in a sexless relationship and would really like sex not just wam bam but foreplay and penetration as well.

BUT MY PARTNER is just not INTERESTED, what do i do . I am thinking about dogging near a golf course , help please this is serious PLEASE HELP I am straight . "

OP, I was just about to pm you a suggestion but you've now blocked men. You must've received who knows what messages, because the block wasn't there early on.

If interested , pm me . (I'm not after men. It's entirely for your benefit)

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