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"Seems like your partner has made her mind up OP. Don't think threesomes are going to be on the cards for you both. However, it's not exactly the best of ideas for your wife to be telling you "not yet" for eternity. Like you said, if she said "not going to happen" then you can both draw a line under this and keep it clearly as a fantasy. That way, no one is getting ideas that muddy the water between you both. Hope things work out OP" Yes that's my thoughts exactly. I'd rather draw a line under it and move on . But she says she doesn't want to do that as she likes doing that in the bedroom but she doesn't want to put a 'Time' on it. Only yesterday she's saying during sex it's been long enough I need to turn her into a bad girl etc. Just sending me mixed signals  | |||
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"Random question, does she know you are on here? Maybe that could be what turns things around for you " I've asked her to do a joint account with me .she said she would but again no progress with that. I feel bad for saying it but it's basically all we speak about when we have sex and I said let's just not speak about it anymore if that's how you feel and she saying why can't we still do it etc why do I need a exact time..I don't need a exact time but when keeps saying soon soon and then just doesn't happen how am I supposed to feel..why would I wanna keep doing it during sex if its not gonna happen? Am I being out of order or am I in my right to feel like this .? | |||
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"Nothing wrong with fantasy though is there? If she enjoys that then so be it? Maybe part of her fantasy is that it 'could' happen. Even if she doesn't actually want to. Focus on what you both enjoy together instead of craving something one of you doesn't seem to actually want. " Yeah I understand that but she needs to just say she don't want it and we can just keep as a fantasy don't want to be told maybe one day when it won't happen at all . I respect her decision if she doesn't want to but I don't want a maybe just say no lol its not hard is it ..  | |||
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"Random question, does she know you are on here? Maybe that could be what turns things around for you I've asked her to do a joint account with me .she said she would but again no progress with that. I feel bad for saying it but it's basically all we speak about when we have sex and I said let's just not speak about it anymore if that's how you feel and she saying why can't we still do it etc why do I need a exact time..I don't need a exact time but when keeps saying soon soon and then just doesn't happen how am I supposed to feel..why would I wanna keep doing it during sex if its not gonna happen? Am I being out of order or am I in my right to feel like this .?" Have you tried turning setting up a joint account on here as part of it...sit down with her and create a joint profile as part of the foreplay. Take the lead on it... then move on to sexy photos for your profile... small steps forward, just need to take the lead on it and not push to far. | |||
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"Random question, does she know you are on here? Maybe that could be what turns things around for you I've asked her to do a joint account with me .she said she would but again no progress with that. I feel bad for saying it but it's basically all we speak about when we have sex and I said let's just not speak about it anymore if that's how you feel and she saying why can't we still do it etc why do I need a exact time..I don't need a exact time but when keeps saying soon soon and then just doesn't happen how am I supposed to feel..why would I wanna keep doing it during sex if its not gonna happen? Am I being out of order or am I in my right to feel like this .? Have you tried turning setting up a joint account on here as part of it...sit down with her and create a joint profile as part of the foreplay. Take the lead on it... then move on to sexy photos for your profile... small steps forward, just need to take the lead on it and not push to far. " She said yes to me lots of times I just never got around to making the account but after today's chat I just feel there's no point of teasing myself. She said she wants to talk to me tomorrow . I'm working these evening so il see what she wants to talk about. | |||
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"Me and the Mrs been role playing for around 3 years now about having a 3rd in the bedroom she always talks about it when we do it but when we speak about it after she gets cold feet. She says she wants to do it just nt yet but she's been saying this for about a year now so I throw in the towel now I think it's time to acknowledge its not gonna happen. She swears she wants it to happen etc but think she's just saying it to keep my happy although she says she wouldn't do that and do something she don't like for the sake of it. I guess it's gonna stay a fantasy unfortunately. She would of done it by now. We got kids and been together over 14 years etc. She's a anxious person naturally to be fair. I just wish she would just say she wouldn't do it altogether rather than saying she will one day its actually worse lol" https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/1566552 A week ago your "Wife" said yes, to set up a MFM and you got cold feet. Now it's reversed and "she's" got cold feet! Maybe it's best just to leave it as a fantasy. | |||
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"Me and the Mrs been role playing for around 3 years now about having a 3rd in the bedroom she always talks about it when we do it but when we speak about it after she gets cold feet. She says she wants to do it just nt yet but she's been saying this for about a year now so I throw in the towel now I think it's time to acknowledge its not gonna happen. She swears she wants it to happen etc but think she's just saying it to keep my happy although she says she wouldn't do that and do something she don't like for the sake of it. I guess it's gonna stay a fantasy unfortunately. She would of done it by now. We got kids and been together over 14 years etc. She's a anxious person naturally to be fair. I just wish she would just say she wouldn't do it altogether rather than saying she will one day its actually worse lol https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/1566552 A week ago your "Wife" said yes, to set up a MFM and you got cold feet. Now it's reversed and "she's" got cold feet! Maybe it's best just to leave it as a fantasy. " Exactly this . Hot and cold. One minute she wants to then doesn't. Frustrating. | |||
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"Have you read the book, 'How to be a swinger'? It has like steps to build up to full-on swinging. Going from nothing to a threesome is a very big step for some people. " Sounds interesting where can I purchase | |||
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"You've asked a lot of questions cover the years and some of them have shown that you have doubts and insecurities about taking that first step. I think you're both wary of actually doing this. If you genuinely believe she is never going to make it a reality how about you call a halt to it? She'll either be relieved or disappointed and you'll have your answer." I agree with you | |||
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"Seems like your partner has made her mind up OP. Don't think threesomes are going to be on the cards for you both. However, it's not exactly the best of ideas for your wife to be telling you "not yet" for eternity. Like you said, if she said "not going to happen" then you can both draw a line under this and keep it clearly as a fantasy. That way, no one is getting ideas that muddy the water between you both. Hope things work out OP" This. This. Also appreciate that for everyone, fantasy doesn't need to become reality. For some, fantasy is good, they like to play with it and that's where it stops. The more that you try and 'drive' it forward, the more she may resist as she might feel forced and pressurised into doing something that she isn't entirely comfortable with, or she feels that there is an expectation. If it is going to happen (which is by no means guaranteed), it will need to be more baby steps, e.g observing others but not participating, same room own partner play, etc. | |||
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"It's really not fair for the ops wife to be blamed entirely for this when only last week she agreed to a couples profile but he got cold feet. " This, I've just pointed that out There's 2 sides to every story after all. | |||
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"Please don't take it personally but, it may be the case she likes the idea but she is has reservations about how you would react in the real scenario. Do you know how you would react in a real scenario. Maybe she feels you will look at differently after and not like what you see. Often our emotions take over and can't predict the outcome. Let it lie, move on " I've reassured her plenty of times. Worst thing is this is all we do in our sex life so not talking about it anymore or doing its gonna feel weird and boring to be honest. Feel abit deflated | |||
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"Thanks for all your advice I think I'm just gonna not mention it anymore and just not do the fantasy it's pointless I feel bad for saying il stop the fantasy altogether cos she might like it and it seems selfish but just makes it more teasing for me at the same time . Like someone said here draw a line under it and move on I guess. It's never gonna happen so what's the point of even trying anymore I tried and failed lol . Atleast I did try tho cos you don't get if you don't ask ! " But, to be honest, you haven't really tried. You've just badgered. You haven't set up a couple's account. You haven't got the book recommended (on Amazon). Go on socials, try simple flirting. Play 7 seconds in heaven. Roleplay being strangers who meet on a hotel, etc. Etc. That would be trying . If all you're doing is asking for it again and again then you're just adding pressure and probably coming across a bit obsessed. And that's not sexy. | |||
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"Why don't you try some ideas first without landing a random third person in your bedroom if she is anxious. You could buy a sex doll and use it in role play. It puts her in control and it can make it light-hearted. You could have a couples profile on here and just play on camera. Let her get used to the attention. Let her have her own profile and boost her confidence. If she feels able to explore on her own might reduce her anxiety " ^ This! | |||
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"Please don't take it personally but, it may be the case she likes the idea but she is has reservations about how you would react in the real scenario. Do you know how you would react in a real scenario. Maybe she feels you will look at differently after and not like what you see. Often our emotions take over and can't predict the outcome. Let it lie, move on I've reassured her plenty of times. Worst thing is this is all we do in our sex life so not talking about it anymore or doing its gonna feel weird and boring to be honest. Feel abit deflated " Unfortunately reassurance is only really of value when it is tested. I got into swing scene through my husband wanting to spice up our sexlife fantasy etc, i supported him and it destroyed our marrige, alienated my kids, and nearly destroyed me. In the end his reassurance was ultimately of little value when it was tested. Not saying yours will be and many have made transition, but as i said emotions are unpredictable. It is shall we say a leap of faith. The consequences may be dier an you both may pay a huge price. May she feels the risk is too great, pressing the though could be just as destructive. | |||
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"Please don't take it personally but, it may be the case she likes the idea but she is has reservations about how you would react in the real scenario. Do you know how you would react in a real scenario. Maybe she feels you will look at differently after and not like what you see. Often our emotions take over and can't predict the outcome. Let it lie, move on I've reassured her plenty of times. Worst thing is this is all we do in our sex life so not talking about it anymore or doing its gonna feel weird and boring to be honest. Feel abit deflated " How about you? How reassured are you? I've mentioned this and so has another poster, you said yourself last week that when your wife agreed to set up a couple's profile *you* got cold feet. Could it be that she is reluctant because you're the one who baulks at the first jump? People are suggesting a lot of things here and have done over the many threads you've started on this subject and your wife is being loaded with the responsibility for this not happening. Why can't you both just accept its never going to happen through no fault of either of you and work as a couple towards finding other ways to make your sex life interesting? | |||
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