FabSwingers.com forum: A simple "no thanks?"

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No thanks

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

Yes, it's too much to expect

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is when that means you could message that person at any point in the future even if their filters change.

There are numerous threads about this subject and they all point out the harsh truth: no reply means no thanks.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *arkandlovelyWoman
over a year ago

South Derbyshire

Why do you believe sending an unsolicited message to a woman makes you entitled to her time?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rettyflamingoWoman
over a year ago

Where the flamboyance of flamingos live

No one is obligated to reply on here . Usually a no reply is a reply.

I’ve still got over 600 unread messages it’s absolutely impossible to reply to every message received.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ooking4othersMan
over a year ago

Here ...

"No one is obligated to reply on here . Usually a no reply is a reply.

I’ve still got over 600 unread messages it’s absolutely impossible to reply to every message received. "

Who sent the other one

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ussraneCouple
over a year ago

Romford

Might be that so many guys send a message that they’ve already sent weeks or months ago and to which you had then replied politely no thanks. It’s like they send so many messages they forget they’ve already messaged you. Hence we don’t reply to every message.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"No one is obligated to reply on here . Usually a no reply is a reply.

I’ve still got over 600 unread messages it’s absolutely impossible to reply to every message received. "
a no reply is a no reply doesn't matter where it is or whether its written in the rules, I understand why but lots of guys don't

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are needy on here.

I think no reply is preferable to a straight out rejection.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

It is for those profiles who get tonnes of mail everyday op,

I don't as I use filters & if someone has made an effort ,I'll always reply ,even if it's a no thanks.

Some women would spend half the day replying to messages though and don't have the time ,or the energy I imagine.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

A no reply is a no thanks.

Mrs

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

Because that's what this site is for?

I only send to couples anyway.

Thanks for your reply here though.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

Exactly, filters should do most of the work for you.

Thanks for your reply.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

A quote from the FAQS

There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!

It's not rude not to reply.

Some ladies and couples get hundreds of messages a day so it simply isn't possible for them to reply to everyone. If you don't get a response, you should assume they aren't interested. If you're getting a lot of "no-replies" then you should consider your profile and the messages you send. Are they giving the right message? Are you standing out from the thousands of other guys on here?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ampire69Man
over a year ago

Birmingham West Midlands

From the male perspective it's a little insulting when you have made the effort to approach or respond to a profile that you are simply ignored a simple reply of no thanks at least demonstrated a degree of bad manners , to ignore is just rude and ignorant.

other views and opinions may be available this is just my personal opinion

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Exactly, filters should do most of the work for you.

Thanks for your reply."

If you use the reply+quote button under the post you're responding to it makes it easier to see who you're talking to

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it is.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"It is when that means you could message that person at any point in the future even if their filters change.

There are numerous threads about this subject and they all point out the harsh truth: no reply means no thanks."

This really. I’ve been here around nine years now. Several years ago I was a proper photo tart and was ridiculously popular - I had hundreds of messages from different guys every day - totalling over a thousand in a week - and that was with age/site supporter/public pics etc filters on.

If I’d sent a polite no thanks to them all then there’d be literally no chance or point of me blocking single males (which I’ve done very occasionally when it just got too much or I definitely wasn’t meeting) - as countless thousands (after 9 years) would be able to message anyway.

And put it this way - when you get a double glazing leaflet through the door - do you call or write to thank them for sending it but you don’t want it thanks?

Do you heck!

Ps - if I’m interested in a guy I message with a face pic - and if he doesn’t message back I simply assume I’m not his type - nobody is everyone’s type.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

"Exactly, filters should do most of the work for you.

Thanks for your reply.

If you use the reply+quote button under the post you're responding to it makes it easier to see who you're talking to

I realised that after i sent it, sorry, I don't go in the forum much

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ORBCouple
over a year ago

Dundalk

"From the male perspective it's a little insulting when you have made the effort to approach or respond to a profile that you are simply ignored a simple reply of no thanks at least demonstrated a degree of bad manners , to ignore is just rude and ignorant.

other views and opinions may be available this is just my personal opinion

It's also a little insulting when someone you've replied to and said thanks but no thanks then gets in touch again a few weeks later with the same message we've already responded to.

It's also insulting when we were so amazing in the opening message but suddenly become hideous, up our own hole and full of crap when we politely say they aren't what we are looking for.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Exactly, filters should do most of the work for you.

Thanks for your reply.

If you use the reply+quote button under the post you're responding to it makes it easier to see who you're talking to

I realised that after i sent it, sorry, I don't go in the forum much"

No apology needed

. Lots of people don't realise at first

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

"It is when that means you could message that person at any point in the future even if their filters change.

There are numerous threads about this subject and they all point out the harsh truth: no reply means no thanks.

And put it this way - when you get a double glazing leaflet through the door - do you call or write to thank them for sending it but you don’t want it thanks?

Do you heck!

Ps - if I’m interested in a guy I message with a face pic - and if he doesn’t message back I simply assume I’m not his type - nobody is everyone’s type.

For a start, Lucky you. Most of us on here are lucky to get one message.

I think in your case, it's easier for you to block single guys and send out the messages to the ones you like instead lol.

I'm genuinely not here to upset anyone though, It's just my frustration coming through.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *onvon85Couple
over a year ago

telford

Wrong or right I don't reply if I'm not interested that I think is a reply in itself x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I message people and get blocked and not replied to all the time!

They're playing the long game, I know what they're up to the little minxes

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I message people and get blocked and not replied to all the time!

They're playing the long game, I know what they're up to the little minxes

"
in

Blocked.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do you believe sending an unsolicited message to a woman makes you entitled to her time?"

Wow you must gain your meets by telepathy..

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ilfCrumpet9Man
over a year ago

Wirral

It's a pain in the ass when you put effort in a message according to their instructions and then they just delete the message WTF

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People are needy on here.

I think no reply is preferable to a straight out rejection.

Since when did common courtesy become needy?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"People are needy on here.

I think no reply is preferable to a straight out rejection.

Since when did common courtesy become needy?

The same time understanding the rules of no reply means no thank you became rude.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Yes, it's too much to ask.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

"People are needy on here.

I think no reply is preferable to a straight out rejection.

Since when did common courtesy become needy?

It's not common courtesy to to expect a reply to am unsolicited message to say you aren't interested.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *arkandlovelyWoman
over a year ago

South Derbyshire

"Why do you believe sending an unsolicited message to a woman makes you entitled to her time?

Wow you must gain your meets by telepathy..

Chloroform usually.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rouble Is My Middle NameWoman
over a year ago

Sutton Coldfield

I try to be as polite as possible when it comes to " No thank you messages " .

What gets me frustrated when they questioning your decision..like asking why the no thanks

trying to get into ping pong pointless messaging.. We can't please everyone and a no means no .

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

Also threads like this do, on occassion demonstrate perfectly that when a woman or couple say some men (emphasis on some) can't take no for an answer, they probably do have a very valid point

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?"

Even as a single guy I sometimes get a snarky response if I send a polite "no thanks."

I don't think I've had 600 messages ever, let alone in a week. It would suck the soul out of me to send a polite no thanks to 590 people a week, even if that was the end of it. But then to receive another couple of hundred asking why not is too much.

No thanks!

Gbat

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"People are needy on here.

I think no reply is preferable to a straight out rejection.

Since when did common courtesy become needy?

It's not common courtesy to to expect a reply to am unsolicited message to say you aren't interested.

And/or, it's just different rules of conduct online.

Offline, you're much less likely to get someone arguing with you or insulting you if you say no thanks.

I'd say no thanks to everyone if I could guarantee that the rate of abuse/begging/negotiating was the same as it was in real life.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

op what makes you think your owed a response ??? nobody is owed anything on here no one asked you to message them so why should tthose who have zero interest reply ??

you know the answer and its in the rules of the website too no reply is not rude however its rude that you expect a answer to every message you send

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

Is it too much to ask? Yes it is.

I don't reply to all the junk mail that gets delivered by the postal person and dropped through my letter box (Dear Mr Everest,I already have double glazed windows so no thanks...); Do you OP? That's why I don't believe that I'm not owed a written response just because I've taken time to write to someone.

No reply, is a response; it says very clearly "no thank you".

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?"

At least it got read op, probably better than a straight delete and block

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

" a simple reply of no thanks at least demonstrated a degree of bad manners "

Hang on, @_ampire69, are you saying that it's slightly bad mannered to say no thanks, but even ruder to ignore a message?

Have I misunderstood you, because if I read your post properly, there seems to be no polite way out of avoiding some people?

Gbat

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *alleyDaveMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

"It's a pain in the ass when you put effort in a message according to their instructions and then they just delete the message WTF "

This. I've got to the point now where I don't bother sending messages anymore. There is nothing more frustrating than writing out a thoughtful, detailed, polite message that shows your have read their profile and requirements, only to see it get deleted unread.

Now I just send a wink to show I am interested. Its a lot less disheartening if you don't get a wink back, than it is when you have taken the time and effort to send a detailed message.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

"Why do you believe sending an unsolicited message to a woman makes you entitled to her time?

Wow you must gain your meets by telepathy..

Exactly, and it's not an unsolicited message if that's what the site is for, and she allows messages from single guys.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

Here we go again

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

"op what makes you think your owed a response ??? nobody is owed anything on here no one asked you to message them so why should those who have zero interest reply ??

you know the answer and its in the rules of the website too no reply is not rude however its rude that you expect a answer to every message you send"

I never said I "expect" an answer. But if I put the effort in to read their profile, put together a good message, follow their "put this in your title" thing, etc etc, A "no thanks" doesn't seem too much to ask for in return, especially if I fall into the category of what they are looking for.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

"Here we go again

Sorry, new to forum. (Clearly)

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" a simple reply of no thanks at least demonstrated a degree of bad manners

Hang on, @_ampire69, are you saying that it's slightly bad mannered to say no thanks, but even ruder to ignore a message?

Have I misunderstood you, because if I read your post properly, there seems to be no polite way out of avoiding some people?

Gbat

It’s happened to me this week, I’ve replied, “no thank you, happy fabbing”/“Thank you but I’m not meeting” then I get questioned, if I’m not meeting, why do I have veri’s saying I’ve met people… Sometimes chaps can come across as aggressive, the last socials I had were months ago but because they’re on my profile, some guys think you have to meet them because you’ve met others before

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *mber and FireCouple
over a year ago

Carmarthenshire

"It's a pain in the ass when you put effort in a message according to their instructions and then they just delete the message WTF

Now I just send a wink to show I am interested. Its a lot less disheartening if you don't get a wink back, than it is when you have taken the time and effort to send a detailed message.

Understandable, but rigidly following a profile doesn't mean you should expect a reply still. It might be the perfect message, but if other things aren't what they're looking for, why should they reply?

Disheartening, sure. But managing ones own expectations is a good cure for disappointment.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

"Exactly, filters should do most of the work for you.

Thanks for your reply."

Did you miss the bit about replying to you exempts you from their filters in the future?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?"

Do you respond to every one of those takeaway leaflets they put through your letterbox? Ring them each and just politely say "no thanks, I'm not interested today"?

Cal

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ischiefManaged69Couple
over a year ago

Preston

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?"

Can you please respond no thanks to each post on here, I thinks that's not too much to ask as we've taken the time to post

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ischiefManaged69Couple
over a year ago

Preston

"It's a pain in the ass when you put effort in a message according to their instructions and then they just delete the message WTF

Now I just send a wink to show I am interested. Its a lot less disheartening if you don't get a wink back, than it is when you have taken the time and effort to send a detailed message.

Would you be happy to post an example of a message you'd send here?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

"Can you please respond no thanks to each post on here, I thinks that's not too much to ask as we've taken the time to post "

Threadkiller!

Perhaps the OP could send us each a message thanking us for our contribution?

Gbat

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ischiefManaged69Couple
over a year ago

Preston

"Why do you believe sending an unsolicited message to a woman makes you entitled to her time?

Wow you must gain your meets by telepathy..

Exactly, and it's not an unsolicited message if that's what the site is for, and she allows messages from single guys."

Presumably you have a letterbox. I post a sausage roll through your letter box. You could eat it. You could through it away as you're suspicious of its origins. You could show it to all your friends. It's your letter box, once over the threshold, it's yours to do as you like with it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

Men seem to think it's just them that experience this, it's really not. When we were more actively looking, there were loads of couples and women (and even some men!) who straight up ignored us.

Some of the messages were compliments on particular things on their profile or pictures, all the same effort you describe. It doesn't bother us - there's nothing to be gained if we aren't their cup of tea

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?

Do you respond to every one of those takeaway leaflets they put through your letterbox? Ring them each and just politely say "no thanks, I'm not interested today"?

Cal"

No, but that's not the point, is it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?

Can you please respond no thanks to each post on here, I thinks that's not too much to ask as we've taken the time to post

I'm replying to most.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?"

I’ll reply with a nice message and a no thanks if it’s evident that the sender has done their side of the bargain by at least skimming our profile to see what it is that we’re looking for. If it’s clear that they haven’t been bothered to do that and they’re taking a scatter gun approach then I can’t be bothered to reply!

I wouldn’t just say ‘no thanks’ because I find it results in stroppy messages back and a general feeling from our side of why did we bother to reply in the first place!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

"I'm replying to most."

Perhaps that's what those women say when they don't reply to you?!

Gbat

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

I said no last week. The replies I got were very abusive

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?

I wouldn’t just say ‘no thanks’ because I find it results in stroppy messages back and a general feeling from our side of why did we bother to reply in the first place! "

Thank you, I salute you xxx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"op what makes you think your owed a response ??? nobody is owed anything on here no one asked you to message them so why should those who have zero interest reply ??

you know the answer and its in the rules of the website too no reply is not rude however its rude that you expect a answer to every message you send

I have no guarantee that a good message writer (but not for me) is any less likely to be abusive than a copy paster

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do you believe sending an unsolicited message to a woman makes you entitled to her time?"

Absolutely this!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

"op what makes you think your owed a response ??? nobody is owed anything on here no one asked you to message them so why should those who have zero interest reply ??

you know the answer and its in the rules of the website too no reply is not rude however its rude that you expect a answer to every message you send

You think you fall into their categories

But if they read your profile and something they don't like

They'll probably delete without even reading the message

The simple facts are

Fab has site rules

Site rules state

No reply is a no thank you

You signed up to the site rules

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

"I said no last week. The replies I got were very abusive "

I reply and immediately block

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ischiefManaged69Couple
over a year ago

Preston

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?

Can you please respond no thanks to each post on here, I thinks that's not too much to ask as we've taken the time to post

I'm replying to most."

But what if the ones you don't reply to are offended by you not replying?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *randMrsNorthernCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire

Nobody owes you anything.

Whatever your opening message and however polite you put it, you’re offering them cock at the end of the day, not an all-inclusive to Mauritius.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?"

Say you send 10 messages a day, at the end of the week you've got 70 "no thanks" by reply.

1 - do you feel better, hows your self esteem now 70 people have effectively said, we dont find you attractive?

2 - using your "rule" you'll be sending all 70 a "thanks for the no thanks, much appreciated" message back, yes or no?

Winston

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ischiefManaged69Couple
over a year ago

Preston

"Nobody owes you anything.

Whatever your opening message and however polite you put it, you’re offering them cock at the end of the day, not an all-inclusive to Mauritius. "

ain't that the truth! Just spat my coffee out over that

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *randMrsNorthernCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire

"op what makes you think your owed a response ??? nobody is owed anything on here no one asked you to message them so why should those who have zero interest reply ??

No reply is a no thank you

You signed up to the site rules

Nail. On. Head.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Check out site FAQ's OP.

The site owners have made it very clear

https://www.fabswingers.com/articles/FAQ#noreply

There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!

It's not rude not to reply.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *randMrsNorthernCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Nobody owes you anything.

Whatever your opening message and however polite you put it, you’re offering them cock at the end of the day, not an all-inclusive to Mauritius.

ain't that the truth! Just spat my coffee out over that "

We try our best

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *erncoupleCouple
over a year ago

newquay

We used to try and reply to everyone.

This is a response we got after saying no thatnks, happy fabbing

Please don't thank me when it is not cinsior. Typical arrogant Faber's!!!

I don't know if I want to meet yet would be depending and face pictures lol but I did like the idea before you replied I'm a typical arrogant faber way. Please leave the site people like you spoil it for everyone.

We were then blocked.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

"Why do you believe sending an unsolicited message to a woman makes you entitled to her time?"

No reason to believe that at all. But if you don't want unsolicited messages from men who woukd like to get to know you why are you on a site such as this?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's to much when some guys send you abuse if you say no

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Didn't realise I can't message anyone on a chat/swingers site.

Hmmm wonder why there's a message function......

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ai24Man
over a year ago

Hull

Although I’m a firm believer in manners and I agree this could be perceived as rude but and it’s a big but (excuse the pun) I’m not sure it’s even possible with the sheer volume of messages some must receive unless of course they devoted their life to it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's to much when some guys send you abuse if you say no"

Ruins it all for us single guys. Some ppl just can't take rejection of any sort suck it up buttercup

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A said no thanks to a guy earlier he then replied "why?" I asked him if he needed a reason to then be called a timewasting cow.. so nah al stick to not replying in future

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally think it's rude you never messaged me OP. Id send you a dick pic and everything!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A said no thanks to a guy earlier he then replied "why?" I asked him if he needed a reason to then be called a timewasting cow.. so nah al stick to not replying in future"

Again just another it's such a shame cause probably some decent chat missed or friendships etc but tis what it is

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

"Why do you believe sending an unsolicited message to a woman makes you entitled to her time?

No reason to believe that at all. But if you don't want unsolicited messages from men who woukd like to get to know you why are you on a site such as this?

I'm guessing to reply to the ones who they are interested in?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Check out site FAQ's OP.

The site owners have made it very clear

https://www.fabswingers.com/articles/FAQ#noreply

There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!

It's not rude not to reply.

This! 100%!!

I’ve said it before - the definition of madness is to keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

Single gents if you’re not getting results then you need to take a moment and consider what you’re doing. Switch it up, change profile, swap pics around, try a different approach. Nothing good comes with no/little effort!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?"

When you volunteer to become a secretary for the ladies who get hundreds of pointless e-mails a day and you choose to spends hours copying and pasting "no thanks" to people who show little consideration for the women they are writing to, that's when it won't be too much to ask.

Have you volunteered your time for this? If not, why do you think the recipients should?

People who say this sort of thing have no idea how bad the messages are that clog up mailboxes every day.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

"Why do you believe sending an unsolicited message to a woman makes you entitled to her time?

No reason to believe that at all. But if you don't want unsolicited messages from men who woukd like to get to know you why are you on a site such as this?

I think what they are saying is they will get the messages, but why does the OP or anyone else think they are thereby entitled to her time just because they sent one?

To paraphrase, "By all means send a message, but don't expect a guaranteed response."

Gbat

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *he LsCouple
over a year ago

East Midlands

The only rude messages we've had on fab is when we've replied saying "no thank you" and got abuse back which is why we no longer bother.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?"

If you struggle to accept no response, how will you handle multiple messages telling you no thanks?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try replying no thanks to an amount of messages.

Some accept it

Some ask why it’s a no?

Some say ‘come on I’m what you’re looking for’

Some call you a fat ugly bitch

Some say ‘you’re not that nice anyway’

Some call you stuck up

One guy actually told me he wouldn’t piss on me if I was on fire.

I’ve blocked messages from men now.

When you’ve got a few hundred messages, replying no thanks and then whatever follows up after that - is simply too time consuming.

People don’t come on here to do ‘admin’

I come on to chat to friends and perv. Simple. If I don’t want to spend my time replying to messages and the abuse that comes with it, then that’s up to me, and it’s not ignorant, or rude.

It’s ignorant and rude when people don’t accept that no reply is a no. It’s ignorant and rude when men send abusive messages when someone replies no thanks

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do you believe sending an unsolicited message to a woman makes you entitled to her time?

No reason to believe that at all. But if you don't want unsolicited messages from men who woukd like to get to know you why are you on a site such as this?

I think what they are saying is they will get the messages, but why does the OP or anyone else think they are thereby entitled to her time just because they sent one?

To paraphrase, "By all means send a message, but don't expect a guaranteed response."

Gbat "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lym4realCouple
over a year ago

plymouth

And we've tried the reply bit and afew take it well but the large marjority don't and call us various different names and even had one who spread rumours about us ?? and the rest just keep on and on and on and on and on in the very vain hope we'll change our minds ?? so now we just block..

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

"Didn't realise I can't message anyone on a chat/swingers site.

Hmmm wonder why there's a message function......"

I think you're getting the wrong end of the stick here. Nobody has said you can't send messages, but a lot of people have said you can't expect a response.

If you do get a response, great.

If you don't, move on.

It's not bad manners, it's how this works.

Gbat

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

Cue the usual...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *oly Fuck Sticks BatmanCouple
over a year ago

here & there

Messages…. We hardly ever get them

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Didn't realise I can't message anyone on a chat/swingers site.

Hmmm wonder why there's a message function......

I think you're getting the wrong end of the stick here. Nobody has said you can't send messages, but a lot of people have said you can't expect a response.

If you do get a response, great.

If you don't, move on.

It's not bad manners, it's how this works.

Gbat "

No wrong end, how is me looking at a profile and messaging unsolicited? that's the purpose of it if it goes unread or not responded to, I certainly don't take offence just says exactly as they say no interest, lost in amongst messages etc etc.

I just think this I am on the site don't message or state things are unsolicited is incorrect....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's to much when some guys send you abuse if you say no

Ruins it all for us single guys. Some ppl just can't ta ke rejection of any sort suck it up buttercup

"
sad but true

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ooDeNimMan
over a year ago

Nuneaton, also London and Wiltshire

I posted this comment on another similar thread which summarises what I think about this particular point:

“I think the other thing to remember is that you’re messaging another person/people with real-life responsibilities, concerns and worries etc, and the moment your message arrives may not be a particularly good one for them. There’s no obligation for the recipient to reply in any timeframe (or at all for that matter), so at the risk of repeating what lots of people have already said, don’t read anything in to a lack of response, other than if you don’t get a reply, take it that the person/couple aren’t interested. And it’s important to respect that fact by not communicating any further.

Some people may take the time to send a nice ‘thanks for your message but you’re not for us’, or words to that effect sort of message, but not everyone is able to do that given that they’re probably inundated with hundreds of messages.

So, as others have already said, if you get a response, that’s great - chat away - but if you don’t, that’s ok. Move on gracefully.”

In sum, yes it would be nice to receive a polite ‘no thank you’ sort of message, but the simple fact is that not everyone has the time or inclination to do so. And there is no specified requirement to do so.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

"Here we go again

Exactly what I thought

Are we aware we’re only allowed one of these threads every 7 days?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"Yes, it's too much to expect"

What JK said.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I posted this comment on another similar thread which summarises what I think about this particular point:

So, as others have already said, if you get a response, that’s great - chat away - but if you don’t, that’s ok. Move on gracefully.”

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

"Nobody owes you anything.

Whatever your opening message and however polite you put it, you’re offering them cock at the end of the day, not an all-inclusive to Mauritius. "

I was offering a free photoshoot actually.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

[Removed by poster at 10/12/22 17:18:59]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

"I personally think it's rude you never messaged me OP. Id send you a dick pic and everything!"

Tried, you have single guys blocked.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

Nobody is owed a reply, but anyone that sends me a "no thanks" always gets a reply again saying I'll leave them in peace and I hope they find what they are looking for (or equivalent).

They didn't ignore you, they took time to reply even if it's not the answer you wanted, the least I can do is let them know there's no hard feelings.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?

I'd feel better about it

If you struggle to accept no response, how will you handle multiple messages telling you no thanks?"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

"Here we go again

Exactly what I thought

Are we aware we’re only allowed one of these threads every 7 days?

You can see the title, so you know what it's about.

Some of us don't use the forum often, like me.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're not asking too much. I do think us women are so ungrateful.

I hope you'll get over it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will reply if the contact has Met my criteria, local men only means just that..dont expect a response if you live 50+ miles away etc. If they cannot be bothered to read what I have written, why should I be bothered to reply.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

Well, this has been amazing. I've gone from posting messages and not getting replies, to posting one message here and getting lots of replies.

I wasn't aware of "the rules" on this site as I don't think they were there when I joined back in the early days.

I thank you all for your input, and hope I didn't offend anyone.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

"Here we go again

Exactly what I thought

Are we aware we’re only allowed one of these threads every 7 days?

You can see the title, so you know what it's about.

Some of us don't use the forum often, like me."

It was a joke OP. Don’t take it to heart

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?"

But you do know that it ends up something like why and so on then turn nasty so a no reply saves having to put up with anything

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *tooveMan
over a year ago

belfast

"Here we go again

Exactly what I thought

Are we aware we’re only allowed one of these threads every 7 days?

Think they appear every seven hours. Can't understand people getting their knickers in a twist about someone they don't know not replying to a message they didn't ask fir.

Also Can't understand that people don't read the previous 3467 threads on the same topic.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *tooveMan
over a year ago

belfast

"Nobody is owed a reply, but anyone that sends me a "no thanks" always gets a reply again saying I'll leave them in peace and I hope they find what they are looking for (or equivalent).

They didn't ignore you, they took time to reply even if it's not the answer you wanted, the least I can do is let them know there's no hard feelings. "

That's why a lot don't reply.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rancois Du BoisMan
over a year ago

Down the back of the sofa.

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?"

But in my experience it leads to a ‘but why’ conversation, and as I’m not in the business of being a cunt I don’t wanna have to put someone down brutally!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nH_Herts OP Man
over a year ago

Weymouth

"Here we go again

Exactly what I thought

Are we aware we’re only allowed one of these threads every 7 days?

Think they appear every seven hours. Can't understand people getting their knickers in a twist about someone they don't know not replying to a message they didn't ask fir.

Also Can't understand that people don't read the previous 3467 threads on the same topic. "

Because I'm new to the forum and have not seen the 3467 threads on the same topic.

Have you posted in all of those too, or is this your first?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *mber and FireCouple
over a year ago

Carmarthenshire

"Here we go again

Exactly what I thought

Are we aware we’re only allowed one of these threads every 7 days?

Think they appear every seven hours. Can't understand people getting their knickers in a twist about someone they don't know not replying to a message they didn't ask fir.

Also Can't understand that people don't read the previous 3467 threads on the same topic.

Because I'm new to the forum and have not seen the 3467 threads on the same topic.

Have you posted in all of those too, or is this your first?"

Search function. Every forum has one.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

"Here we go again

Exactly what I thought

Are we aware we’re only allowed one of these threads every 7 days?

Think they appear every seven hours. Can't understand people getting their knickers in a twist about someone they don't know not replying to a message they didn't ask fir.

Also Can't understand that people don't read the previous 3467 threads on the same topic.

Because I'm new to the forum and have not seen the 3467 threads on the same topic.

Have you posted in all of those too, or is this your first?"

There is a search feature?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

" anyone that sends me a "no thanks" always gets a reply again saying .... "

But to be honest, I think a lot of people don't actually want this to happen. A no thanks should be the end of it really.

Gbat

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

Ok just my take (john) on this. I have been here as a single and now as a cpl and now see the other side of the coin so to speak. If i messaged a lady when i was on here abd as she did not reply i just moved on to the next lady who had an interesting profile. If they replied no thank you i just replied saying thank you for the reply. Sometimes whem you are this respectful a cpl of weeks later i had a message off them and there began a chat which developed in to a meet. Now as a cpl i can see what cpls and ladies get message wise. For single ladies it's far worse. A female mate on here once told me she had 1300 messages in a single week. Nobody can possibly reply to every single one of those.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Yes, yes it is

Is it too much to ask?"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iromancergirl1Woman
over a year ago

bolton

I gave up a long time ago replying no thanks to the shear volume of messages it was like a part time job and the backlash and negative comments that would follow was also to much or the trying to convince me that actually I did want to fuck them so now I ignore them.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *randMrsNorthernCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Nobody owes you anything.

Whatever your opening message and however polite you put it, you’re offering them cock at the end of the day, not an all-inclusive to Mauritius.

I was offering a free photoshoot actually."

Hahaha.

Says it all.

Try offering a free massage. That might work.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

"Here we go again

Exactly what I thought

Are we aware we’re only allowed one of these threads every 7 days?

Think they appear every seven hours. Can't understand people getting their knickers in a twist about someone they don't know not replying to a message they didn't ask fir.

Also Can't understand that people don't read the previous 3467 threads on the same topic.

Because I'm new to the forum and have not seen the 3467 threads on the same topic.

Have you posted in all of those too, or is this your first?

There is a search feature? "

Is there one? Who knew?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would be a part time job to reply to every message

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It would be a part time job to reply to every message "

You would have to litealy employ a Fab secretary

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *egvisir71Man
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"Why do you believe sending an unsolicited message to a woman makes you entitled to her time?

Wow you must gain your meets by telepathy..

Chloroform usually."

Haha put it on a pair of knickers and any guy will sniff them

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, ive cut and paste this message from another thread. Its sums up most womens experience on here:

"from reading numerous threads re similar topics, i think its safe to say, if you are a woman on here, the following statements are accurate:

You read a message, dont reply....guys get upset.

You read a message, dont reply, delete the message...guys get upset.

You dont read a message....guys get upset.

You dont read a message, delete it...guys get upset.

You read a message, reply saying thanks but no thanks...guys get upset.

You read a message, reply, start a conversation, but don't respond quickly...guys get upset.

You read a message, reply once, but dont reply to the next message immediately...guys get upset.

I think i can see a pattern emerging there!!!"

So, in conclusion...guys, deal with it. Its how FAB works. Yes, a reply even to just say "no thanks" would be nice.

But no one owes us a anything.

Stop whining!!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can empathise with your frustration OP. And it probably doesn't help when the thread talks about general messages as I suspect you feel your carefully crafted message is different.

But the way I look at it is what are they thinking me for ? Taking the time to reach out? I did it because I thought I'd gain.

Taking the time to read profiles ? That feels like a bare minimum. Even if ppl don't.

For crafting a message ? Again. Feels a bare minimum.

I messaged because i wanted something. My choice. I took my time on a message because I thought it would give me a better chance. Nothing I have done deserves a thank you. Because everything I have done has been more selfish than selfless.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ed LipstickWoman
over a year ago

Fucksville

"OP, ive cut and paste this message from another thread. Its sums up most womens experience on here:

"from reading numerous threads re similar topics, i think its safe to say, if you are a woman on here, the following statements are accurate:

You read a message, dont reply....guys get upset.

You read a message, dont reply, delete the message...guys get upset.

You dont read a message....guys get upset.

You dont read a message, delete it...guys get upset.

You read a message, reply saying thanks but no thanks...guys get upset.

You read a message, reply, start a conversation, but don't respond quickly...guys get upset.

You read a message, reply once, but dont reply to the next message immediately...guys get upset.

I think i can see a pattern emerging there!!!"

So, in conclusion...guys, deal with it. Its how FAB works. Yes, a reply even to just say "no thanks" would be nice.

But no one owes us a anything.

Stop whining!!!"

This

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *alleyDaveMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

" Single gents if you’re not getting results then you need to take a moment and consider what you’re doing. Switch it up, change profile, swap pics around, try a different approach. Nothing good comes with no/little effort! "

I would assume most single men on here put in plenty of effort with their profiles, photos and messages, I know I do. My view is there is only so much you can do, only so many times you can tweek your profile, only so many different types of photos you can add.

From my own personal point of view (as I can't speak for any other single male on here), I made a things to do list when I created my profile after looking at a lot of other singles guys profiles.

Detailed bio ?

Face photos ?

Full body photos ?

The one thing out of my control is my dad bod, man boobs and flabby bits. So I'm not sure there is anything else I can do with my profile page.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

From my own personal point of view (as I can't speak for any other single male on here), I made a things to do list when I created my profile after looking at a lot of other singles guys profiles.

Detailed bio ?

Face photos ?

Full body photos ?

The one thing out of my control is my dad bod, man boobs and flabby bits. So I'm not sure there is anything else I can do with my profile page.

If you keep drawing attention to your perceived flaws that's the only thing people will see when looking at your profile.

Guys like to point out that their age is against them or their body shape and how they are expected to compete against the chiselled bods.

Best advice is remove all negativity from a profile, own what you have to offer rather than telling people what you think might put them off and stop competing with everyone else.

Every negative forum post or bio comment adds to the competition you are having with yourself and doesn't need the involvement of anyone else.

Just as someone blaming the actions of other men for how they themselves are perceived is a weak argument so also is the belief that because they tick certain boxes it should automatically ensure a different response.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do you believe sending an unsolicited message to a woman makes you entitled to her time?"

Spot on!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Don’t forget to ring the pizza company that pushed through your door a flyer earlier to say no thanks.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?"

If they've read the profile, meet with our interests and have public photos, then they'll generally get a polite no thanks but otherwise it's in the bin. Even when you say no thanks they still come back with another chancer, so for that reason if you don't fit the bill you won't get a response. If we get repeated mails from the same thick skinned idiots, then it'll be the block button too!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eard and BoobsCouple
over a year ago

Portstewart

We usually do try and reply even if it's a no thanks and then we block so they can't message again

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?"

Unfortunately yes, it is too much to ask. Because for some reason or another, a "no thanks" reply isn't good enough. Leading to follow up messages of "why not?" and/or straight up abuse because they can't handle the slightest little bruise to their ego.

For the volume of messages women get on here, it's simply too much time and effort going through every message to reply "no thanks" and then to deal with the follow-up BS that often leads to.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *andb69Couple
over a year ago

leeds

Yes. It is too much to ask. Whilst we try to reply to every message there just aren't enough hours in the day, plus in the Fab rules (that you signed up to) it clearly says that no reply equal 'no thanks'

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *alleyDaveMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

From my own personal point of view (as I can't speak for any other single male on here), I made a things to do list when I created my profile after looking at a lot of other singles guys profiles.

Detailed bio ?

Face photos ?

Full body photos ?

The one thing out of my control is my dad bod, man boobs and flabby bits. So I'm not sure there is anything else I can do with my profile page.

If you keep drawing attention to your perceived flaws that's the only thing people will see when looking at your profile.

Guys like to point out that their age is against them or their body shape and how they are expected to compete against the chiselled bods.

Best advice is remove all negativity from a profile, own what you have to offer rather than telling people what you think might put them off and stop competing with everyone else.

Every negative forum post or bio comment adds to the competition you are having with yourself and doesn't need the involvement of anyone else.

I see where you are coming from buddy, but having just had a look at your profile and photos (hope you don't mind), you obviously have a gym body, and like others with the gym bods on here , you have had dozens of meets and verifications to prove it . It's no coincidence that those on here who work out have far more success in meeting people than the rest of us who don't.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?"

Ah the daily why don't women reply thread.

Thought we were going to have a day without

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

"Ah the daily why don't women reply thread.

Thought we were going to have a day without"

Don't be such a silly Sally!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

From my own personal point of view (as I can't speak for any other single male on here), I made a things to do list when I created my profile after looking at a lot of other singles guys profiles.

Detailed bio ?

Face photos ?

Full body photos ?

The one thing out of my control is my dad bod, man boobs and flabby bits. So I'm not sure there is anything else I can do with my profile page.

If you keep drawing attention to your perceived flaws that's the only thing people will see when looking at your profile.

Guys like to point out that their age is against them or their body shape and how they are expected to compete against the chiselled bods.

Best advice is remove all negativity from a profile, own what you have to offer rather than telling people what you think might put them off and stop competing with everyone else.

Every negative forum post or bio comment adds to the competition you are having with yourself and doesn't need the involvement of anyone else.

I went to a gym a couple of times years ago. Never went back. I don't work out at all and never have done.

The vast majority of my meets have been at socials

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do you believe sending an unsolicited message to a woman makes you entitled to her time?

Wow you must gain your meets by telepathy..

Exactly, and it's not an unsolicited message if that's what the site is for, and she allows messages from single guys."

NO...we allow single guys to message us ...that meet our asks and criteria.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, why haven’t you replied to every single person in this thread?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ackandtheunicornCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

I understand how frustrating it is to not get replies.

But you're not entitled to one and the amount of time it would take to respond to everyone is ridiculous and a waste of my time

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do you believe sending an unsolicited message to a woman makes you entitled to her time?"

Exactly this!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would assume most single men on here put in plenty of effort with their profiles, photos and messages, I know I do.

You assume wrong!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For those who craft proper messages and only for those profiles they think they match, the pizza flyer isn't a great analogy.

In my mind it's more like a job advert. You like the look of the job, and Yiu think you meet the criteria. You spend a bit of time crafting a covering letter.

And nothing.

Now, I'd be miffed I'd this was a company. They pay people to say no thanks. I'm cool with it when it's fab because people aren't paid to be here and so it's their time. And as before I was doing it as I wanted something rather tha doing a favour.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"For those who craft proper messages and only for those profiles they think they match, the pizza flyer isn't a great analogy.

In my mind it's more like a job advert. You like the look of the job, and Yiu think you meet the criteria. You spend a bit of time crafting a covering letter.

And nothing.

And presumably the proportion of applicants who send a message back saying "I wouldn't work for you anyway, you worthless piece of shit, I'm gonna burn your office down" etc is miniscule...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For those who craft proper messages and only for those profiles they think they match, the pizza flyer isn't a great analogy.

In my mind it's more like a job advert. You like the look of the job, and Yiu think you meet the criteria. You spend a bit of time crafting a covering letter.

And nothing.

And presumably the proportion of applicants who send a message back saying "I wouldn't work for you anyway, you worthless piece of shit, I'm gonna burn your office down" etc is miniscule..."
that too.

I'm not trying to defend the "expect a reply" position. I just don't think the pizza example is helpful to allow empathy to the guys here. Both sides could do well in understanding the others imo.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?"

Get a pen and Paper and write "No Thanks" a thousand times. Just accept it and move on and stop message bombing women and you may not get so frustrated by the lack of response.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Yes. No reply = no thanks, as per the FAQs

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"For those who craft proper messages and only for those profiles they think they match, the pizza flyer isn't a great analogy.

In my mind it's more like a job advert. You like the look of the job, and Yiu think you meet the criteria. You spend a bit of time crafting a covering letter.

And nothing.

And presumably the proportion of applicants who send a message back saying "I wouldn't work for you anyway, you worthless piece of shit, I'm gonna burn your office down" etc is miniscule...that too.

I'm not trying to defend the "expect a reply" position. I just don't think the pizza example is helpful to allow empathy to the guys here. Both sides could do well in understanding the others imo. "

Yeah, I'm not sure it's the best. (And anyway, the pizza analogy isn't great from the women's perspective either. It's more like the scene in the first Harry Potter where letters pour through every part of the house... not your point, I know)

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

"I gave up a long time ago replying no thanks to the shear volume of messages it was like a part time job and the backlash and negative comments that would follow was also to much or the trying to convince me that actually I did want to fuck them so now I ignore them."

Oddly enough, when I said I gave a positive feedback to a no thanks, 2 men said that was the problem, they clearly didn't see the other actual problem of negative feedback or insults. I'm sorry you had to endure that, don't get jaded, not all men are knuckle-dragging neanderthals.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lderflower_AppleWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Fab rules say no reply = no thanks.

To be honest it's a lottery if we send 'no thanks' messages - some people don't reply, others are gracious and might respond appropriately, many think it's an opening of communications and persist in messaging, and very commonly though, it results in a barrage of abuse because the sender can't accept rejection.

So for me... easier to just not respond if I'm not interested as I never know what a reply my cause...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inkyKouple40Couple
over a year ago

South Yorkshire

Isn't there a limit to how many message people can send on here? Even when you send messages saying "no, thank you" men message again asking why, assuming you are polite & we will continue to messaging.

I'd rather someone ignore my message then get messages saying "no thanks" lol

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lderflower_AppleWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"OP, why haven’t you replied to every single person in this thread?

This!! ^^^

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

But, I haven't explained what a nice guy I am yet...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Isn't there a limit to how many message people can send on here? Even when you send messages saying "no, thank you" men message again asking why, assuming you are polite & we will continue to messaging.

I'd rather someone ignore my message then get messages saying "no thanks" lol

Yes, there is a daily limit, and I hit it when I was new and thought I should reply to everyone.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inkyKouple40Couple
over a year ago

South Yorkshire

I thought that!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *amantha_JadeWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle

Yes, it is too much to ask. Harsh as it sounds OP, they didn’t ask you to send them a message so they owe you nothing in return.

Some women get hundreds of messages a day. Replying to all messages would be like a full time job and it’s meant to be a bit of fun. If it becomes a chore or an obligation, why would we bother being here?

As per Fab rules, ro reply means ‘no thanks’. Perhaps keep your initial message shorter (still genuine, friendly) so you don’t feel that you’re wasting your time. A couple of lines is sufficient for a first message. Save the longer, more detailed messages for further down the line when you get some responses

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rincipessaWoman
over a year ago

your wildest dreams,

Thing is if I send a reply to each message and even just half respond to that, am I obliged to reply again. Coz in the meantime there are another 2 messages popping up for the time it’s taken me to respond to one.

It’s a never ending job of being polite for the sake of people I’m not interested in to the detriment of myself and those I am interested in. And on sone days, to the detriment of everything in else in my life coz that one word messaging, not conversation, just goes on and on and on

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ulldog_71Man
over a year ago

Sedgefield

[Removed by poster at 10/12/22 21:20:36]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ulldog_71Man
over a year ago

Sedgefield

just something that you have to learn to accept, it's nice to get a reply but I never expect one. Maybe fab could add a button to send a no thanks and delete so it is as easy as deleting and keeps the ego of the man intact some seem to be very fragile

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Their is a positive way of looking at it, if it gets read because I'm sure many don't bulk deleted

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *tsJustKateWoman
over a year ago

London

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?"

Because when a woman says "No thanks" they then get another message asking why, and then when they say why, they get another asking for a chance etc etc etc

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ulldog_71Man
over a year ago

Sedgefield

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?

Because when a woman says "No thanks" they then get another message asking why, and then when they say why, they get another asking for a chance etc etc etc "

I agree that a lot of men act like this and it gives us all a bad name, if I get a no thanks I'll thank them for the reply and wish them well then thats it don't contact again.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ottom charlieMan
over a year ago

washington

"I never copy/paste a message that I send out. I also understand that women get A LOT of mail on here.

But, I do feel that a simple "no thanks" is so much better than reading and not replying to a message.

Is it too much to ask?"
maybe we need when we all get a message and open it to read it there is another bit to click on where it says,, save,, block,, mark unread,, there is a 4th saying sorry no thanks for people to click just a thought???

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

"For those who craft proper messages and only for those profiles they think they match, the pizza flyer isn't a great analogy.

In my mind it's more like a job advert. You like the look of the job, and Yiu think you meet the criteria. You spend a bit of time crafting a covering letter.

And nothing.

And presumably the proportion of applicants who send a message back saying "I wouldn't work for you anyway, you worthless piece of shit, I'm gonna burn your office down" etc is miniscule...that too.

I'm not trying to defend the "expect a reply" position. I just don't think the pizza example is helpful to allow empathy to the guys here. Both sides could do well in understanding the others imo. "

The OP thinks he’s crafting a well versed message but it’s still unsolicited, regardless whether it’s one word or 100. Unless the person getting the message asked for it, it doesn’t require a response whether the OP thinks it should.

Every person who sends a message thinks they have a chance - whether it be a profile full of dick pics or whether they have the best profile ever, but if the recipient doesn’t think it’s worth a response they don’t need to.

I’ve been there myself as a single and I’d only message profiles I thought I’d match with but that’s only my opinion…I’d accept it and move on if I didn’t get a reply as clearly the receiver of message had a different opinion…it’s harsh but that’s the rules, no reply, not interested.

People messaging others need to change their expectations of getting a reply. It’s that simple.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP, why haven’t you replied to every single person in this thread?

This!! ^^^

Is it too much, to ask?! Jeez so bloody rude

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

"Oddly enough, when I said I gave a positive feedback to a no thanks, 2 men said that was the problem, they clearly didn't see the other actual problem of negative feedback or insults."

What a load of bollocks. I commented on what you said. That doesn’t mean I couldn’t see what you didn’t say.

Somebody says no thanks. You say thanks for the no thanks. Should they then say thank you for the polite thanks to our no thanks. When does it stop?

Lots of people here have said how they’re inundated with messages. Do you need to add to that if they aren’t interested in you?

Many people have said how they get abusive messages after a polite no thanks. (Not from you). That’s plainly wrong.

I’m just saying that perhaps a further message (even if it’s polite, (that is you)) after they’ve said no thanks probably isn’t what they really wanted.

Gbat

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

"Oddly enough, when I said I gave a positive feedback to a no thanks, 2 men said that was the problem, they clearly didn't see the other actual problem of negative feedback or insults.

What a load of bollocks. I commented on what you said. That doesn’t mean I couldn’t see what you didn’t say.

Somebody says no thanks. You say thanks for the no thanks. Should they then say thank you for the polite thanks to our no thanks. When does it stop?

Lots of people here have said how they’re inundated with messages. Do you need to add to that if they aren’t interested in you?

Many people have said how they get abusive messages after a polite no thanks. (Not from you). That’s plainly wrong.

I’m just saying that perhaps a further message (even if it’s polite, (that is you)) after they’ve said no thanks probably isn’t what they really wanted.

Gbat "

"Probably" is the point at which it becomes your opinion and not a fact.

My reply to their no thanks is the end of it, not a desperate plea for a second chance or a vicious insult. They took time to reply to me, even when they didn't need to. For me that still deserves respect.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inkyKouple40Couple
over a year ago

South Yorkshire

Because he has too many messages to reply to haha

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

" They took time to reply to me, even when they didn't need to. For me that still deserves respect."

Glad to see you’re reading it properly now.

Have a great weekend.

Gbat

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *d_deeTV/TS
over a year ago

cheshire

Does the OP think every message is a nice chat up line?

Because you don't get messages don't judge others.

A polite thank you usually results in more messages.

As others have said a no reply is a no thanks

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ot - CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

OP when you first signed up did you read the facts and terms and conditions? Your answer is in there.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP when you first signed up did you read the facts and terms and conditions? Your answer is in there. "

No thanks

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont understand why so many people want written rejection

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *andb69Couple
over a year ago

leeds

One way of looking at this is probably every day you find junk mail through your letter box or in your email. How many of these do you reply to, OP? The answer is probably none.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately