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Where are all the true Dom types??

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Just wondering if there are any at all?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a Dom baby xxx

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

May be try this thread

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/support/1309989

Possibly, best to describe in detail what you want from a dom rather than ask for a "true dom".

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"May be try this thread

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/support/1309989

Possibly, best to describe in detail what you want from a dom rather than ask for a "true dom".

Good luck "

Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’m a Dom baby xxx"

I need someone a little older and closer to me x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *intsizedpocketrocketsCouple
over a year ago

Stafford

To be honest, they probably appear once you build a relation/trust with them. I would never consider anything but the lightest of play with someone I hardly know. Just doesn't sit right with me at all.

There out there, and surprisingly more common than you may think.

Ax

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By *ed wineMan
over a year ago

Where the streets have no name


"I’m a Dom baby xxx

I need someone a little older and closer to me x "

Open a thread about the movie "9 1/2 weeks". Probably you will find there your true Dom type

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By *izzibeth9Couple
over a year ago

Loughborough


"To be honest, they probably appear once you build a relation/trust with them. I would never consider anything but the lightest of play with someone I hardly know. Just doesn't sit right with me at all.

There out there, and surprisingly more common than you may think.

Ax"

This. C and myself are very much active members of the kink community, attending a few different munches and several play events month to month. I've been in the scene for 5+ years, which isn't a particularly long time, but long enough to know a few bits and pieces, and I wouldn't want to play particularly hard with someone new, and take care to negotiate a scene quite thoroughly beforehand.

Please, for your own safety and wellbeing, make sure you read up on the basics before jumping in and playing with someone. There are a lot of people who call themselves dominant and haven't a clue what that means, and unfortunately kink can be dangerous. They might be abusers looking for easy prey, using 'dominant' as a mask for 'dickhead', or as a way to get into your pants.

Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits.

Be safe, and have fun!

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington


"Just wondering if there are any at all? "

What does that mean to you exactly?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree wholly with the above experiences that has been mentioned.

I do want to add that kink bdsm is varied and there is a huge breadth of interests. Often the parts that gets overlooked are the deep connections people develop within a dynamic. It is not necessary to use restraints , impact play , or other play that sounds painful, or risky

Kink bdsm can be very loving, nurturing and enriching in all aspects.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just wondering if there are any at all? "

They’re all Tory MP’s

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just wondering if there are any at all?

They’re all Tory MP’s"

I used to think kink bdsm was a thing for politicians and judges . Now I’m fully immersed myself.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits."

So the Dom has no say in what happens to the subs mind and body? They can’t refuse to do something, they have to do what the sub wants when they want it?

Or is it more power exchange, where they both have a say in what does and doesn’t happen?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits.

So the Dom has no say in what happens to the subs mind and body? They can’t refuse to do something, they have to do what the sub wants when they want it?

Or is it more power exchange, where they both have a say in what does and doesn’t happen?"

Ultimately it’s about consent. And always should be about consent .

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By *izzibeth9Couple
over a year ago

Loughborough


"Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits.

So the Dom has no say in what happens to the subs mind and body? They can’t refuse to do something, they have to do what the sub wants when they want it?

Or is it more power exchange, where they both have a say in what does and doesn’t happen?"

My response was written in the context of a submissive looking for a Dom, and therefore the advice is how that person could potentially keep themselves safe, and avoid a bad experience. Of course both sides have power, however I'd argue that its probably *easier* to abuse a position that stereotypically aligns with control. Same as anything in life though, there's bad apples on every side. Consent and limits are essential for both sides, yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Press F12 and you'll find it under the Elements tab.

Dunno what this has to do with swinging, mind.

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By *ond Jimmy BondMan
over a year ago

London

I’m very Dominant sexually, and big old bear non sexually. This surprises some people. I also find that strong dominant woman can make very good Subs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Press F12 and you'll find it under the Elements tab.

Dunno what this has to do with swinging, mind."

You don’t need to stay on this thread. Hundreds of other threads for you to peruse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits.

So the Dom has no say in what happens to the subs mind and body? They can’t refuse to do something, they have to do what the sub wants when they want it?

Or is it more power exchange, where they both have a say in what does and doesn’t happen?

My response was written in the context of a submissive looking for a Dom, and therefore the advice is how that person could potentially keep themselves safe, and avoid a bad experience. Of course both sides have power, however I'd argue that its probably *easier* to abuse a position that stereotypically aligns with control. Same as anything in life though, there's bad apples on every side. Consent and limits are essential for both sides, yes. "

I agree with the above response.

Let’s not think that power dynamics doesn’t exist in any and every relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Practicing there spank teckers on the door

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Press F12 and you'll find it under the Elements tab.

Dunno what this has to do with swinging, mind.

You don’t need to stay on this thread. Hundreds of other threads for you to peruse."

Sorry, it's an in-joke - only people with DOM experience would get it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They’re in my dungeon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m very Dominant sexually, and big old bear non sexually. This surprises some people. I also find that strong dominant woman can make very good Subs"

In my experience I’ve not met a single sub that is a wall flower. It takes a lot for a sub to surrender (male or female)

The subs I’ve met were successful, career focussed independent ladies. They make decisions, and sometimes there is a thirst for a sub to surrender control.

A good dom understands the limitations, and respect boundaries. Getting on the wrong side of a sub isn’t a nice feeling. They would happily rip a Dom a new butt hole . Lol

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits.

So the Dom has no say in what happens to the subs mind and body? They can’t refuse to do something, they have to do what the sub wants when they want it?

Or is it more power exchange, where they both have a say in what does and doesn’t happen?

My response was written in the context of a submissive looking for a Dom, and therefore the advice is how that person could potentially keep themselves safe, and avoid a bad experience. Of course both sides have power, however I'd argue that its probably *easier* to abuse a position that stereotypically aligns with control. Same as anything in life though, there's bad apples on every side. Consent and limits are essential for both sides, yes. "

I hear what you are saying. But as a sub myself I disagree with thinking that I am in ultimate control. For this kind of thinking can lead to abuse in itself. Something goes wrong oh but the sub is in control it's your fault. You need to be a better sub. To me it's about a 50/50 agreement where each person is in control. But that's only my take on it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Press F12 and you'll find it under the Elements tab.

Dunno what this has to do with swinging, mind.

You don’t need to stay on this thread. Hundreds of other threads for you to peruse.

Sorry, it's an in-joke - only people with DOM experience would get it "

Perhaps explain it to this Dom, if you don’t mind.

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By *eliusMan
over a year ago

Henlow


"Just wondering if there are any at all? "

DOMSRUS.com perhaps …

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"Press F12 and you'll find it under the Elements tab.

Dunno what this has to do with swinging, mind.

You don’t need to stay on this thread. Hundreds of other threads for you to peruse.

Sorry, it's an in-joke - only people with DOM experience would get it "

Made me chuckle

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By *ed LipstickWoman
over a year ago

Fucksville


"Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits.

So the Dom has no say in what happens to the subs mind and body? They can’t refuse to do something, they have to do what the sub wants when they want it?

Or is it more power exchange, where they both have a say in what does and doesn’t happen?

My response was written in the context of a submissive looking for a Dom, and therefore the advice is how that person could potentially keep themselves safe, and avoid a bad experience. Of course both sides have power, however I'd argue that its probably *easier* to abuse a position that stereotypically aligns with control. Same as anything in life though, there's bad apples on every side. Consent and limits are essential for both sides, yes. "

This is so true as a fab newbie I met a guy who claimed to be Dom but was in fact a sadist who left me crying as had done my hard limits ASAP. Also ripped off nipple clamps and left them bleeding as punishment for saying no.

PS He's still on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits.

So the Dom has no say in what happens to the subs mind and body? They can’t refuse to do something, they have to do what the sub wants when they want it?

Or is it more power exchange, where they both have a say in what does and doesn’t happen?

My response was written in the context of a submissive looking for a Dom, and therefore the advice is how that person could potentially keep themselves safe, and avoid a bad experience. Of course both sides have power, however I'd argue that its probably *easier* to abuse a position that stereotypically aligns with control. Same as anything in life though, there's bad apples on every side. Consent and limits are essential for both sides, yes.

I hear what you are saying. But as a sub myself I disagree with thinking that I am in ultimate control. For this kind of thinking can lead to abuse in itself. Something goes wrong oh but the sub is in control it's your fault. You need to be a better sub. To me it's about a 50/50 agreement where each person is in control. But that's only my take on it "

I agree with what’s been said.

I would also state every dynamic is different and what works is what is healthy and positive for an individuals personal dynamic.

There is no blue print. Only framework should be respect and consent.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits.

So the Dom has no say in what happens to the subs mind and body? They can’t refuse to do something, they have to do what the sub wants when they want it?

Or is it more power exchange, where they both have a say in what does and doesn’t happen?

My response was written in the context of a submissive looking for a Dom, and therefore the advice is how that person could potentially keep themselves safe, and avoid a bad experience. Of course both sides have power, however I'd argue that its probably *easier* to abuse a position that stereotypically aligns with control. Same as anything in life though, there's bad apples on every side. Consent and limits are essential for both sides, yes.

This is so true as a fab newbie I met a guy who claimed to be Dom but was in fact a sadist who left me crying as had done my hard limits ASAP. Also ripped off nipple clamps and left them bleeding as punishment for saying no.

PS He's still on here "

Oh that is awful truly is, I hope you're ok. There's quite a lot of us who are submissives on here. And I know the majority of us are open to questions or chats via DMs if you need it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits.

So the Dom has no say in what happens to the subs mind and body? They can’t refuse to do something, they have to do what the sub wants when they want it?

Or is it more power exchange, where they both have a say in what does and doesn’t happen?

My response was written in the context of a submissive looking for a Dom, and therefore the advice is how that person could potentially keep themselves safe, and avoid a bad experience. Of course both sides have power, however I'd argue that its probably *easier* to abuse a position that stereotypically aligns with control. Same as anything in life though, there's bad apples on every side. Consent and limits are essential for both sides, yes.

This is so true as a fab newbie I met a guy who claimed to be Dom but was in fact a sadist who left me crying as had done my hard limits ASAP. Also ripped off nipple clamps and left them bleeding as punishment for saying no.

PS He's still on here "

He’s here perhaps he’s because he’s been run off that other website site .

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By *entDomMan
over a year ago

Paddock Wood, Kent

There's nothing like negotiation is there.

Sorry you encountered that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Press F12 and you'll find it under the Elements tab.

Dunno what this has to do with swinging, mind.

You don’t need to stay on this thread. Hundreds of other threads for you to peruse.

Sorry, it's an in-joke - only people with DOM experience would get it

Made me chuckle "

I’m waiting to chuckle myself .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just wondering if there are any at all? "

Being a Dom is a mindset and I see a lot of guys here claiming to be Don's but you see their interactions and they lack that true Alpha mentality.

Examples

Guys who send repeated msgs at women, if she doesn't like you, move on, constantly messaging shows a neediness

Cum tributes- where do I start, a true alpha and Dom doesn't see himself as a plaything to amuse others. You should be requesting cum tributes mot giving them

Chasing after women and being needy. A true Alpha/Dom, knows their worth, appreciate the work they put in on themselves and don't just give away free attention like that.

Anyways just my 2 cents on it. It's not about toys and fantasies it's about a lifestyle and mentality.

E.g was just chatting with a woman and she was like oh I hope you were stroking your dick to my pics and I was like you do turn me on but as regards to if I stroked myself to my your pics, that's classified information that's on a need to know basis (tbh, I didn't stroke my dick to her pics)

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By *aliceWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

'True alpha mentality' gets my early vote for unintentionally hilarious quote of the year.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just wondering if there are any at all?

Being a Dom is a mindset and I see a lot of guys here claiming to be Don's but you see their interactions and they lack that true Alpha mentality.

Examples

Guys who send repeated msgs at women, if she doesn't like you, move on, constantly messaging shows a neediness

Cum tributes- where do I start, a true alpha and Dom doesn't see himself as a plaything to amuse others. You should be requesting cum tributes mot giving them

Chasing after women and being needy. A true Alpha/Dom, knows their worth, appreciate the work they put in on themselves and don't just give away free attention like that.

Anyways just my 2 cents on it. It's not about toys and fantasies it's about a lifestyle and mentality.

E.g was just chatting with a woman and she was like oh I hope you were stroking your dick to my pics and I was like you do turn me on but as regards to if I stroked myself to my your pics, that's classified information that's on a need to know basis (tbh, I didn't stroke my dick to her pics) "

I think using the word Alpha isn't something that makes me think "true Dom".

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"'True alpha mentality' gets my early vote for unintentionally hilarious quote of the year."

What is a true alpha and indeed Dom? I know from speaking to other subs, we all look for different things (though some ethics and basics are the same). Same as with subs we're all different. True anything is nonsense, there's just the right paring of people who click together via kink.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"'True alpha mentality' gets my early vote for unintentionally hilarious quote of the year."

I know Doms like pooping on other Doms.

So let me say I agree ‘True Alpha Mentality’ is hilarious .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits.

So the Dom has no say in what happens to the subs mind and body? They can’t refuse to do something, they have to do what the sub wants when they want it?

Or is it more power exchange, where they both have a say in what does and doesn’t happen?

My response was written in the context of a submissive looking for a Dom, and therefore the advice is how that person could potentially keep themselves safe, and avoid a bad experience. Of course both sides have power, however I'd argue that its probably *easier* to abuse a position that stereotypically aligns with control. Same as anything in life though, there's bad apples on every side. Consent and limits are essential for both sides, yes.

I hear what you are saying. But as a sub myself I disagree with thinking that I am in ultimate control. For this kind of thinking can lead to abuse in itself. Something goes wrong oh but the sub is in control it's your fault. You need to be a better sub. To me it's about a 50/50 agreement where each person is in control. But that's only my take on it "

I really dislike "the sub holds all the cards". It's a relationship. There should be negotiation and consent. On both sides. There should be care. On both sides. As usual, I agree with Frida.

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By *intsizedpocketrocketsCouple
over a year ago

Stafford


"'True alpha mentality' gets my early vote for unintentionally hilarious quote of the year."

What is "true alpha mentality"??? Are we talking kind and well mannered people who understand that no means no? Or are we talking about the people who think masculinity is all about physical dominance over everyone, consensually or not?

Unfortunately those are the only kind of "true alpha mentality" people we've experienced...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m a Dom baby xxx"

Is that "I'm a Dom-baby" as in learner Dom, or "I'm a Dom, baby"?

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By *ond Jimmy BondMan
over a year ago

London


"I’m very Dominant sexually, and big old bear non sexually. This surprises some people. I also find that strong dominant woman can make very good Subs

In my experience I’ve not met a single sub that is a wall flower. It takes a lot for a sub to surrender (male or female)

The subs I’ve met were successful, career focussed independent ladies. They make decisions, and sometimes there is a thirst for a sub to surrender control.

A good dom understands the limitations, and respect boundaries. Getting on the wrong side of a sub isn’t a nice feeling. They would happily rip a Dom a new butt hole . Lol "

Yep totally agree!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *intsizedpocketrocketsCouple
over a year ago

Stafford


"'True alpha mentality' gets my early vote for unintentionally hilarious quote of the year.

I know Doms like pooping on other Doms.

So let me say I agree ‘True Alpha Mentality’ is hilarious . "

That I don't get. I (A) am more than happy to learn from others, regardless of if they are Dom/sub/switch or non of the above. I take every opportunity as a potential learning experience as you never know what you might learn

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" A true Alpha/Dom, knows their worth, appreciate the work they put in on themselves and don't just give away free attention like that. "

The gift that keeps on giving

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits.

So the Dom has no say in what happens to the subs mind and body? They can’t refuse to do something, they have to do what the sub wants when they want it?

Or is it more power exchange, where they both have a say in what does and doesn’t happen?

My response was written in the context of a submissive looking for a Dom, and therefore the advice is how that person could potentially keep themselves safe, and avoid a bad experience. Of course both sides have power, however I'd argue that its probably *easier* to abuse a position that stereotypically aligns with control. Same as anything in life though, there's bad apples on every side. Consent and limits are essential for both sides, yes.

I hear what you are saying. But as a sub myself I disagree with thinking that I am in ultimate control. For this kind of thinking can lead to abuse in itself. Something goes wrong oh but the sub is in control it's your fault. You need to be a better sub. To me it's about a 50/50 agreement where each person is in control. But that's only my take on it

I really dislike "the sub holds all the cards". It's a relationship. There should be negotiation and consent. On both sides. There should be care. On both sides. As usual, I agree with Frida. "

Yep I'm advocate a 50/50 partnership. I've been with M for years and live together. And if we do something new we both read up, look at the risks and then decide how to go about it. If something goes wrong (and it has happened we are human), we both know we did our very best to avoid it. Additionally for me it means I can let go during a scene because all basis have been covered and I'm safe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits.

So the Dom has no say in what happens to the subs mind and body? They can’t refuse to do something, they have to do what the sub wants when they want it?

Or is it more power exchange, where they both have a say in what does and doesn’t happen?

My response was written in the context of a submissive looking for a Dom, and therefore the advice is how that person could potentially keep themselves safe, and avoid a bad experience. Of course both sides have power, however I'd argue that its probably *easier* to abuse a position that stereotypically aligns with control. Same as anything in life though, there's bad apples on every side. Consent and limits are essential for both sides, yes.

This is so true as a fab newbie I met a guy who claimed to be Dom but was in fact a sadist who left me crying as had done my hard limits ASAP. Also ripped off nipple clamps and left them bleeding as punishment for saying no.

PS He's still on here "

Unfortunately there are a number of these masquerading as Doms where they use the Dom sub lifestyle as an excuse for their sick twisted minds. Judie unfortunately had one before we met, he almost killed her before she escaped. Be very careful when going down this road and always build that trust and knowledge about who you are giving yourself to before committing fully!

A true Dom sub relationship is a very special thing if done properly!

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich


"May be try this thread

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/support/1309989

Possibly, best to describe in detail what you want from a dom rather than ask for a "true dom".

Good luck "

Cos you'll end up with a twue Dom

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Press F12 and you'll find it under the Elements tab.

Dunno what this has to do with swinging, mind.

You don’t need to stay on this thread. Hundreds of other threads for you to peruse.

Sorry, it's an in-joke - only people with DOM experience would get it

Made me chuckle "

Bet you love a strict hierarchy dontcha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits.

So the Dom has no say in what happens to the subs mind and body? They can’t refuse to do something, they have to do what the sub wants when they want it?

Or is it more power exchange, where they both have a say in what does and doesn’t happen?

My response was written in the context of a submissive looking for a Dom, and therefore the advice is how that person could potentially keep themselves safe, and avoid a bad experience. Of course both sides have power, however I'd argue that its probably *easier* to abuse a position that stereotypically aligns with control. Same as anything in life though, there's bad apples on every side. Consent and limits are essential for both sides, yes.

This is so true as a fab newbie I met a guy who claimed to be Dom but was in fact a sadist who left me crying as had done my hard limits ASAP. Also ripped off nipple clamps and left them bleeding as punishment for saying no.

PS He's still on here

Unfortunately there are a number of these masquerading as Doms where they use the Dom sub lifestyle as an excuse for their sick twisted minds. Judie unfortunately had one before we met, he almost killed her before she escaped. Be very careful when going down this road and always build that trust and knowledge about who you are giving yourself to before committing fully!

A true Dom sub relationship is a very special thing if done properly! "

In my experience, it’s important to verify the Dom you are speaking to. Ask him for contact details of his past sub. If he’s unwilling, ask him why. Ask questions, if he’s evasive or his story doesn’t sound right, keeping asking. If he gets annoyed, ask him why.

The other site is very helpful; find out his friends, message them. Does he only have females as friends. Which events does he attend.

Home work is needed and the risk of an issue can be reduced.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ond Jimmy BondMan
over a year ago

London


"Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits.

So the Dom has no say in what happens to the subs mind and body? They can’t refuse to do something, they have to do what the sub wants when they want it?

Or is it more power exchange, where they both have a say in what does and doesn’t happen?

My response was written in the context of a submissive looking for a Dom, and therefore the advice is how that person could potentially keep themselves safe, and avoid a bad experience. Of course both sides have power, however I'd argue that its probably *easier* to abuse a position that stereotypically aligns with control. Same as anything in life though, there's bad apples on every side. Consent and limits are essential for both sides, yes.

This is so true as a fab newbie I met a guy who claimed to be Dom but was in fact a sadist who left me crying as had done my hard limits ASAP. Also ripped off nipple clamps and left them bleeding as punishment for saying no.

PS He's still on here

Unfortunately there are a number of these masquerading as Doms where they use the Dom sub lifestyle as an excuse for their sick twisted minds. Judie unfortunately had one before we met, he almost killed her before she escaped. Be very careful when going down this road and always build that trust and knowledge about who you are giving yourself to before committing fully!

A true Dom sub relationship is a very special thing if done properly!

In my experience, it’s important to verify the Dom you are speaking to. Ask him for contact details of his past sub. If he’s unwilling, ask him why. Ask questions, if he’s evasive or his story doesn’t sound right, keeping asking. If he gets annoyed, ask him why.

The other site is very helpful; find out his friends, message them. Does he only have females as friends. Which events does he attend.

Home work is needed and the risk of an issue can be reduced. "

I’d never ever give out details of previous Sub’s

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits.

So the Dom has no say in what happens to the subs mind and body? They can’t refuse to do something, they have to do what the sub wants when they want it?

Or is it more power exchange, where they both have a say in what does and doesn’t happen?

My response was written in the context of a submissive looking for a Dom, and therefore the advice is how that person could potentially keep themselves safe, and avoid a bad experience. Of course both sides have power, however I'd argue that its probably *easier* to abuse a position that stereotypically aligns with control. Same as anything in life though, there's bad apples on every side. Consent and limits are essential for both sides, yes.

This is so true as a fab newbie I met a guy who claimed to be Dom but was in fact a sadist who left me crying as had done my hard limits ASAP. Also ripped off nipple clamps and left them bleeding as punishment for saying no.

PS He's still on here

Unfortunately there are a number of these masquerading as Doms where they use the Dom sub lifestyle as an excuse for their sick twisted minds. Judie unfortunately had one before we met, he almost killed her before she escaped. Be very careful when going down this road and always build that trust and knowledge about who you are giving yourself to before committing fully!

A true Dom sub relationship is a very special thing if done properly!

In my experience, it’s important to verify the Dom you are speaking to. Ask him for contact details of his past sub. If he’s unwilling, ask him why. Ask questions, if he’s evasive or his story doesn’t sound right, keeping asking. If he gets annoyed, ask him why.

The other site is very helpful; find out his friends, message them. Does he only have females as friends. Which events does he attend.

Home work is needed and the risk of an issue can be reduced.

I’d never ever give out details of previous Sub’s"

If your previous sub I’d agreeable, why wouldn’t you provide contacts details to a sub you are planning to form a dynamic with ?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"Press F12 and you'll find it under the Elements tab.

Dunno what this has to do with swinging, mind."

Oh my god. Actually creasing over here

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"Press F12 and you'll find it under the Elements tab.

Dunno what this has to do with swinging, mind.

You don’t need to stay on this thread. Hundreds of other threads for you to peruse.

Sorry, it's an in-joke - only people with DOM experience would get it

Perhaps explain it to this Dom, if you don’t mind. "

It's programmer humour.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits.

So the Dom has no say in what happens to the subs mind and body? They can’t refuse to do something, they have to do what the sub wants when they want it?

Or is it more power exchange, where they both have a say in what does and doesn’t happen?

My response was written in the context of a submissive looking for a Dom, and therefore the advice is how that person could potentially keep themselves safe, and avoid a bad experience. Of course both sides have power, however I'd argue that its probably *easier* to abuse a position that stereotypically aligns with control. Same as anything in life though, there's bad apples on every side. Consent and limits are essential for both sides, yes.

This is so true as a fab newbie I met a guy who claimed to be Dom but was in fact a sadist who left me crying as had done my hard limits ASAP. Also ripped off nipple clamps and left them bleeding as punishment for saying no.

PS He's still on here

Unfortunately there are a number of these masquerading as Doms where they use the Dom sub lifestyle as an excuse for their sick twisted minds. Judie unfortunately had one before we met, he almost killed her before she escaped. Be very careful when going down this road and always build that trust and knowledge about who you are giving yourself to before committing fully!

A true Dom sub relationship is a very special thing if done properly!

In my experience, it’s important to verify the Dom you are speaking to. Ask him for contact details of his past sub. If he’s unwilling, ask him why. Ask questions, if he’s evasive or his story doesn’t sound right, keeping asking. If he gets annoyed, ask him why.

The other site is very helpful; find out his friends, message them. Does he only have females as friends. Which events does he attend.

Home work is needed and the risk of an issue can be reduced.

I’d never ever give out details of previous Sub’s"

Why? Didn't you part on good terms?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzibeth9Couple
over a year ago

Loughborough

Crikey, I slack off to do a bit of work and the thread's exploded!

Think I explained what I meant badly when I said the sub has ultimate control. Was really talking in the context of this particular thread about an (I'm assuming) fairly new person to the scene looking for a Dom, and just meant that submissive doesn't mean blindly obedient (or $sub !== $meek for those enjoying some programmer humour).

Maybe a better way to put it is that - typically speaking - a submissive would not be expected to follow any rules or etiquette a Dom / top / Superior Alpha whatever the shit that guy said earlier lays down until a discussion has been had, and a dynamic agreed upon. A sub doesn't just yield to anyone who tells them what to do in a stern way; that's not even remotely close to how it works, and that's where consent and negotiation comes in.

Honestly some of the best dynamics I've ever seen are super unsexy (unless you find healthy communication hot, which, spoiler alert - you totally should).

Still, I'm just a stranger on the internet, so take all this with a pinch of salt. Always do your own research - you could do worse than looking up SSC & RACK if you're new to things. Also a lot of kink is subjective, and it means different things to different people, but if you put consent and safety at the core of everything you do, you probably won't go *too* far wrong.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzibeth9Couple
over a year ago

Loughborough


"'True alpha mentality' gets my early vote for unintentionally hilarious quote of the year.

I know Doms like pooping on other Doms.

So let me say I agree ‘True Alpha Mentality’ is hilarious .

That I don't get. I (A) am more than happy to learn from others, regardless of if they are Dom/sub/switch or non of the above. I take every opportunity as a potential learning experience as you never know what you might learn"

For what it's worth, I absolutely love this attitude and try to embrace it myself! Compared to a lot of folks in the scene I know feck all, and the more I can learn the better!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we've always found that if you avoid anyone who calls themselves dom in there username cuts out the wannabes .. we dont look for doms we look for assertive guys who understand what we want ..dom is such a wide spectrum far to big for one word

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Maybe a better way to put it is that - typically speaking - a submissive would not be expected to follow any rules or etiquette a Dom / top / Superior Alpha whatever the shit that guy said earlier lays down until a discussion has been had, and a dynamic agreed upon. A sub doesn't just yield to anyone who tells them what to do in a stern way; that's not even remotely close to how it works, and that's where consent and negotiation comes in."

Exactly this, until it was negotiated, agreed and consented to it isn't happening.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ond Jimmy BondMan
over a year ago

London


"Remember, the true power in this dynamic lies with the submissive, who has the ultimate say in whatever happens to their mind & body. No Dom worth their salt will ever tell you that you *must* do something that goes against your limits.

So the Dom has no say in what happens to the subs mind and body? They can’t refuse to do something, they have to do what the sub wants when they want it?

Or is it more power exchange, where they both have a say in what does and doesn’t happen?

My response was written in the context of a submissive looking for a Dom, and therefore the advice is how that person could potentially keep themselves safe, and avoid a bad experience. Of course both sides have power, however I'd argue that its probably *easier* to abuse a position that stereotypically aligns with control. Same as anything in life though, there's bad apples on every side. Consent and limits are essential for both sides, yes.

This is so true as a fab newbie I met a guy who claimed to be Dom but was in fact a sadist who left me crying as had done my hard limits ASAP. Also ripped off nipple clamps and left them bleeding as punishment for saying no.

PS He's still on here

Unfortunately there are a number of these masquerading as Doms where they use the Dom sub lifestyle as an excuse for their sick twisted minds. Judie unfortunately had one before we met, he almost killed her before she escaped. Be very careful when going down this road and always build that trust and knowledge about who you are giving yourself to before committing fully!

A true Dom sub relationship is a very special thing if done properly!

In my experience, it’s important to verify the Dom you are speaking to. Ask him for contact details of his past sub. If he’s unwilling, ask him why. Ask questions, if he’s evasive or his story doesn’t sound right, keeping asking. If he gets annoyed, ask him why.

The other site is very helpful; find out his friends, message them. Does he only have females as friends. Which events does he attend.

Home work is needed and the risk of an issue can be reduced.

I’d never ever give out details of previous Sub’s

If your previous sub I’d agreeable, why wouldn’t you provide contacts details to a sub you are planning to form a dynamic with ?"

If she agrees maybe, but I’m not sure how many would like to be used for “references”

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Crikey, I slack off to do a bit of work and the thread's exploded!

Think I explained what I meant badly when I said the sub has ultimate control. Was really talking in the context of this particular thread about an (I'm assuming) fairly new person to the scene looking for a Dom, and just meant that submissive doesn't mean blindly obedient (or $sub !== $meek for those enjoying some programmer humour)."

Honestly, I think you hit the nail on the head.

The submissive SHOULD hold ultimate control - in that they give control and can just as easily take it back. If they feel they can't take it back, something's gone wrong - e.g. if a submissive feels that there will be some sort of recrimination. This isn't the same as the submissive being responsible for the actions of the dominant, who is entirely able to violate that expectation.

That said, this is in a thread about someone asking after a "true Dom", so I think you also made the mistake of taking it seriously

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also: fucking asking for references, I've heard it all now you people. You want a CV next?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"Also: fucking asking for references, I've heard it all now you people. You want a CV next?"

Nah tick box list of the things you've done is needed surely?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Phrases like ‘true Dom’ make me a bit questioning, mainly because it feels like an unnecessary addition and those using it are trying too hard to elevate themselves. A bit like ‘super straight’ (alright, we get it, you’re not gay!).

I also understand that Dom’s peck at each other and there is a need to police the community but some of the nitpicking on this thread is a bit over the top

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Also: fucking asking for references, I've heard it all now you people. You want a CV next?

Nah tick box list of the things you've done is needed surely? "

I’ll pop the pro forma over later

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzibeth9Couple
over a year ago

Loughborough


"Crikey, I slack off to do a bit of work and the thread's exploded!

Think I explained what I meant badly when I said the sub has ultimate control. Was really talking in the context of this particular thread about an (I'm assuming) fairly new person to the scene looking for a Dom, and just meant that submissive doesn't mean blindly obedient (or $sub !== $meek for those enjoying some programmer humour).

Honestly, I think you hit the nail on the head.

The submissive SHOULD hold ultimate control - in that they give control and can just as easily take it back. If they feel they can't take it back, something's gone wrong - e.g. if a submissive feels that there will be some sort of recrimination. This isn't the same as the submissive being responsible for the actions of the dominant, who is entirely able to violate that expectation.

That said, this is in a thread about someone asking after a "true Dom", so I think you also made the mistake of taking it seriously "

Ah I know, I can't help myself. Hopefully it doesn't come across as gatekeeper-y, 'cos those people suck. It's just that we've seen so much that terrifies us on Fab with blokes giving it the Billy Big Bollocks to people who don't know any better, and it can be really dangerous - as well as giving the scene a bad rep. Every time I comment with pretty much the same boring safety advice I feel like I need to add a disclaimer: kink is actually a lot of fun, just gotta dodge the knobheads

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ittle Girl LostWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"I’m very Dominant sexually, and big old bear non sexually. This surprises some people. I also find that strong dominant woman can make very good Subs

In my experience I’ve not met a single sub that is a wall flower. It takes a lot for a sub to surrender (male or female)

The subs I’ve met were successful, career focussed independent ladies. They make decisions, and sometimes there is a thirst for a sub to surrender control.

A good dom understands the limitations, and respect boundaries. Getting on the wrong side of a sub isn’t a nice feeling. They would happily rip a Dom a new butt hole . Lol "

This!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" Hopefully it doesn't come across as gatekeeper-y, 'cos those people suck. It's just that we've seen so much that terrifies us on Fab with blokes giving it the Billy Big Bollocks to people who don't know any better, and it can be really dangerous - as well as giving the scene a bad rep. Every time I comment with pretty much the same boring safety advice I feel like I need to add a disclaimer: kink is actually a lot of fun, just gotta dodge the knobheads "

There are a lot of ‘know it all’s’ on Fabs. The most interesting and helpful are the ones that aren’t trying to score points, but have genuine sentiment of sharing for the better of everyone.

As far as I’m concerned, as a Dom who will automatically get treated as suspicious or dubious on this platform, Im happy to see as much safety advice as possible.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ower Couple - NorfolkCouple
over a year ago

Watton

We are a dominant couple, so submissive women with us get double the fun!

We had a play with one at The Annex last month, was great fun:

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/stories/1309785

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/stories/1309933

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *abygirl6969TV/TS
over a year ago

London

I’d love to know where the experienced masters are hiding too!

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"The submissive SHOULD hold ultimate control - in that they give control and can just as easily take it back."

Its fascinating the different perceptions people can have over the same thing. Ultimately there is no one way of doing anything, its what works for you thats best.

I enjoy learning about other peoples points of view, so am curious to understand this one.

If the sub has all the power, they get to choose who they give their submission to, then does the Dominant have no say in the matter, or can they also choose who’s submission they want to accept?

If that is the case, how can the submissive have all the power if their offer of submission can be rejected?

If the submissive can choose to withdraw their submission, can the Dominant not also choose to withdraw their control?

If so, then how can one side have more power than the other?

The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"Also: fucking asking for references, I've heard it all now you people. You want a CV next?

Nah tick box list of the things you've done is needed surely?

I’ll pop the pro forma over later "

Good hope you return it in a timely manner Tea

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ittle Girl LostWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

As a sub, specifically a non age playing little I am extremely wary of all of the "doms" that message me. It takes seconds as a rule to establish if they are an actual kinkster, a bully, or an idiot.

So many start with "ill hold you down and fuck you hard" and I mean, who couldn't resist that (sarcasam)

The trouble with the other site is I always feel it is all about being seen and being the best/most extreme etc

I have met 2 long term Doms/Daddies on here. The first one was amazing, took so much time to get to know me before we even met, im still in contact with him and have nothing but full admiration and respect for.The second one, was an arse (but I stayed with for 2 years too long) but I would be absolutely LIVID if either of them gave any details about me to anyone. What we were was between us, no one else

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iss KinkWoman
over a year ago

North West


"I’m a Dom baby xxx"

Course you are lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" If the submissive can choose to withdraw their submission, can the Dominant not also choose to withdraw their control?

If so, then how can one side have more power than the other?

The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender."

Just to clarify if you’re assuming only males can be Dominant in a kink dynamic you’d be incorrect.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I saw a few people have a giggle that I suggested a sub should seek references. If you got absolutely nothing to hide, then it isn’t really a problem.

If you’re hiding a wife or GF, Or you’ve been an awful human being to your previous sub, I guess there’s our answer.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I saw a few people have a giggle that I suggested a sub should seek references. If you got absolutely nothing to hide, then it isn’t really a problem.

If you’re hiding a wife or GF, Or you’ve been an awful human being to your previous sub, I guess there’s our answer.

"

Even if you're into kink you're allowed a giggle with each other. It's actually an important part for me when I engage other kinksters.

And I personally I wouldn't want a Dom to give out my identity. Because it would give a complete stranger information of the kinks I enjoy without my consent. Other subs may be happy to act as a reference I however would not be.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" If the submissive can choose to withdraw their submission, can the Dominant not also choose to withdraw their control?

If so, then how can one side have more power than the other?

The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender.

Just to clarify if you’re assuming only males can be Dominant in a kink dynamic you’d be incorrect. "

That seems a little patronising to the person you replied to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I saw a few people have a giggle that I suggested a sub should seek references. If you got absolutely nothing to hide, then it isn’t really a problem.

If you’re hiding a wife or GF, Or you’ve been an awful human being to your previous sub, I guess there’s our answer.

Even if you're into kink you're allowed a giggle with each other. It's actually an important part for me when I engage other kinksters.

And I personally I wouldn't want a Dom to give out my identity. Because it would give a complete stranger information of the kinks I enjoy without my consent. Other subs may be happy to act as a reference I however would not be. "

Thanks for your comment.

You might have missed part of the follow up thread a good scroll up, that it would be based on the past sub being agreeable. I also provided other ways references can be sought should they be an to be members of that other site .

I want subs to be safe as much as anyone else. The themes was that there are Doms that don’t share the same sentiment of treating subs with respect or care for their safety.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" If the submissive can choose to withdraw their submission, can the Dominant not also choose to withdraw their control?

If so, then how can one side have more power than the other?

The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender.

Just to clarify if you’re assuming only males can be Dominant in a kink dynamic you’d be incorrect.

That seems a little patronising to the person you replied to. "

Can you explain what was meant by the comment :

The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender.

Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" If the submissive can choose to withdraw their submission, can the Dominant not also choose to withdraw their control?

If so, then how can one side have more power than the other?

The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender.

Just to clarify if you’re assuming only males can be Dominant in a kink dynamic you’d be incorrect.

That seems a little patronising to the person you replied to.

Can you explain what was meant by the comment :

The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender.

Thanks "

That's up to the person who wrote it. Fetcpl. They've been on several of the BDSM threads and shown themselves to have experience and knowledge. Thus my comment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" If the submissive can choose to withdraw their submission, can the Dominant not also choose to withdraw their control?

If so, then how can one side have more power than the other?

The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender.

Just to clarify if you’re assuming only males can be Dominant in a kink dynamic you’d be incorrect.

That seems a little patronising to the person you replied to.

Can you explain what was meant by the comment :

The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender.

Thanks

That's up to the person who wrote it. Fetcpl. They've been on several of the BDSM threads and shown themselves to have experience and knowledge. Thus my comment. "

Then I’m sure they are more then capable of speaking for themselves. Getting triggered for someone else . lol

The comment wasn’t posted with bad intention.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" If the submissive can choose to withdraw their submission, can the Dominant not also choose to withdraw their control?

If so, then how can one side have more power than the other?

The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender.

Just to clarify if you’re assuming only males can be Dominant in a kink dynamic you’d be incorrect.

That seems a little patronising to the person you replied to.

Can you explain what was meant by the comment :

The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender.

Thanks

That's up to the person who wrote it. Fetcpl. They've been on several of the BDSM threads and shown themselves to have experience and knowledge. Thus my comment.

Then I’m sure they are more then capable of speaking for themselves. Getting triggered for someone else . lol

The comment wasn’t posted with bad intention."

Not sure where you got the impression I was triggered. I politely suggested it that it's a bit rude to infantilise people who clearly know what they're talking about. lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" If the submissive can choose to withdraw their submission, can the Dominant not also choose to withdraw their control?

If so, then how can one side have more power than the other?

The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender.

Just to clarify if you’re assuming only males can be Dominant in a kink dynamic you’d be incorrect.

That seems a little patronising to the person you replied to.

Can you explain what was meant by the comment :

The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender.

Thanks

That's up to the person who wrote it. Fetcpl. They've been on several of the BDSM threads and shown themselves to have experience and knowledge. Thus my comment.

Then I’m sure they are more then capable of speaking for themselves. Getting triggered for someone else . lol

The comment wasn’t posted with bad intention.

Not sure where you got the impression I was triggered. I politely suggested it that it's a bit rude to infantilise people who clearly know what they're talking about. lol"

You’re over analysing a comment that wasn't aimed at you. And you’re triggered as you’re now doubling down. This is a helpful thread , it’s not about our bickering . Thanks

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham


"I saw a few people have a giggle that I suggested a sub should seek references. If you got absolutely nothing to hide, then it isn’t really a problem.

If you’re hiding a wife or GF, Or you’ve been an awful human being to your previous sub, I guess there’s our answer.

"

As someone who runs consent and safety workshops I teach people not to rely on vetting because it lulls you into a false sense of security - I’ve been harmed by someone who I successfully vetted before, and so have many other people. Many pillars of the community have several former subs who refuse to talk to them, and one or two on good terms. Your gut instinct is the best tool you have to keep you safe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" If the submissive can choose to withdraw their submission, can the Dominant not also choose to withdraw their control?

If so, then how can one side have more power than the other?

The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender.

Just to clarify if you’re assuming only males can be Dominant in a kink dynamic you’d be incorrect.

That seems a little patronising to the person you replied to.

Can you explain what was meant by the comment :

The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender.

Thanks

That's up to the person who wrote it. Fetcpl. They've been on several of the BDSM threads and shown themselves to have experience and knowledge. Thus my comment.

Then I’m sure they are more then capable of speaking for themselves. Getting triggered for someone else . lol

The comment wasn’t posted with bad intention.

Not sure where you got the impression I was triggered. I politely suggested it that it's a bit rude to infantilise people who clearly know what they're talking about. lol

You’re over analysing a comment that wasn't aimed at you. And you’re triggered as you’re now doubling down. This is a helpful thread , it’s not about our bickering . Thanks "

Please don't tell me what I am or what I am doing. Thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I saw a few people have a giggle that I suggested a sub should seek references. If you got absolutely nothing to hide, then it isn’t really a problem.

If you’re hiding a wife or GF, Or you’ve been an awful human being to your previous sub, I guess there’s our answer.

As someone who runs consent and safety workshops I teach people not to rely on vetting because it lulls you into a false sense of security - I’ve been harmed by someone who I successfully vetted before, and so have many other people. Many pillars of the community have several former subs who refuse to talk to them, and one or two on good terms. Your gut instinct is the best tool you have to keep you safe. "

Clearly you’re an expert on the subject. So, please don’t see my reply as combative or argument.

I suggested a number of ways using the community.

I’m sure there are problem people in the community and given the chance to ask, so people would share their experience.

I would think it would be best to to use a combination of what’s available. That would include gut feel and vetting.

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

OP: there’s no such thing as a true dom. There is only the right dom for you, someone who can bring out the best in you.

There are, however, a lot of wankers out there, who will take advantage of submissives. Look for someone who matches your energy, your openness and your commitment, whatever that looks like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I saw a few people have a giggle that I suggested a sub should seek references. If you got absolutely nothing to hide, then it isn’t really a problem.

If you’re hiding a wife or GF, Or you’ve been an awful human being to your previous sub, I guess there’s our answer.

As someone who runs consent and safety workshops I teach people not to rely on vetting because it lulls you into a false sense of security - I’ve been harmed by someone who I successfully vetted before, and so have many other people. Many pillars of the community have several former subs who refuse to talk to them, and one or two on good terms. Your gut instinct is the best tool you have to keep you safe. "

I can think of a couple of examples I know of that prove you right on this . Very true. But I've also come across Doms who interact with their ex-subs online in a way I cannot see as anything other than genuine. But perhaps I am still not cynical enough for the scene.

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By *tirling DarkCouple
over a year ago

Stirling

"true Dom's" are, in our experience, one's that don't give a shit about their charge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""true Dom's" are, in our experience, one's that don't give a shit about their charge."

Pardon? What does that mean?

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By *arpePinguisWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

A swingers site isn't the ideal place to meet someone who offers the domly traits you're looking for. Obvs we can't mention the Fetish Lifestyle site where you can find kinksters in your area, but it's a much better way to find your local munches and events filled with people who share your interests

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I saw a few people have a giggle that I suggested a sub should seek references. If you got absolutely nothing to hide, then it isn’t really a problem.

If you’re hiding a wife or GF, Or you’ve been an awful human being to your previous sub, I guess there’s our answer.

Even if you're into kink you're allowed a giggle with each other. It's actually an important part for me when I engage other kinksters.

And I personally I wouldn't want a Dom to give out my identity. Because it would give a complete stranger information of the kinks I enjoy without my consent. Other subs may be happy to act as a reference I however would not be.

Thanks for your comment.

You might have missed part of the follow up thread a good scroll up, that it would be based on the past sub being agreeable. I also provided other ways references can be sought should they be an to be members of that other site .

I want subs to be safe as much as anyone else. The themes was that there are Doms that don’t share the same sentiment of treating subs with respect or care for their safety. "

No thank you for the reply. I did in fact read the majority of the thread. And you mentioned a couple of times "If you got absolutely nothing to hide, then it isn’t really a problem."

I was just demonstrating that this isn't always the case. For example I was with a Dom exclusively for 2 years. His other subs may have left the scene and or hadn't played with him for over 2 years. The Dom did nothing wrong, plus how relevant is a recommendation from over 2 years ago?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" If the submissive can choose to withdraw their submission, can the Dominant not also choose to withdraw their control?

If so, then how can one side have more power than the other?

The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender.

Just to clarify if you’re assuming only males can be Dominant in a kink dynamic you’d be incorrect.

That seems a little patronising to the person you replied to.

Can you explain what was meant by the comment :

The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender.

Thanks

That's up to the person who wrote it. Fetcpl. They've been on several of the BDSM threads and shown themselves to have experience and knowledge. Thus my comment.

Then I’m sure they are more then capable of speaking for themselves. Getting triggered for someone else . lol

The comment wasn’t posted with bad intention.

Not sure where you got the impression I was triggered. I politely suggested it that it's a bit rude to infantilise people who clearly know what they're talking about. lol

You’re over analysing a comment that wasn't aimed at you. And you’re triggered as you’re now doubling down. This is a helpful thread , it’s not about our bickering . Thanks

Please don't tell me what I am or what I am doing. Thanks. "

You clearly did the very same thing to me . And that’s ok I suppose . Your apology accepted .

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

[Removed by poster at 14/06/22 18:10:15]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A swingers site isn't the ideal place to meet someone who offers the domly traits you're looking for. Obvs we can't mention the Fetish Lifestyle site where you can find kinksters in your area, but it's a much better way to find your local munches and events filled with people who share your interests"

Why do you think there can't be BDSM lovers here out of interest? I know of quite a few people who have profiles on the other site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" I was just demonstrating that this isn't always the case. For example I was with a Dom exclusively for 2 years. His other subs may have left the scene and or hadn't played with him for over 2 years. The Dom did nothing wrong, plus how relevant is a recommendation from over 2 years ago? "

In your example the Dom would be asking you to provide a reference as you’re the most recent or current Sub.

I totally understand that in this situation it is going to be uncomfortable. My sentiment is subs should ask questions, to help reduce the risk of a nutter being their Dom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Plus with all the training companies are delivering to people … the male dom is a dying breed haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 14/06/22 18:10:15]"

Ah I was just going to reply to your note about sadists! Nearly all of the sadists Ive met have been the loveliest of people. (Only one who ghosted me, he wasn't a sociopath though).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A swingers site isn't the ideal place to meet someone who offers the domly traits you're looking for. Obvs we can't mention the Fetish Lifestyle site where you can find kinksters in your area, but it's a much better way to find your local munches and events filled with people who share your interests

Why do you think there can't be BDSM lovers here out of interest? I know of quite a few people who have profiles on the other site. "

My 2 cents being on this platform.

The swingers community on the whole have limited understanding of kink. They think it’s a bit of spanking or application of brutal pain. I am generalising but I’m not far off. There are pockets of kinkster, some with passing interest, some simply curious and others that are tenured.

Moderators in my recent experience don’t really understand the kink community and have deleted comments that in anywhere else would be seen as helpful and informative.

Kink forums , munches and events are the best way to learn and experience kink bdsm.

This is my opinion. Happy to be corrected.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Plus with all the training companies are delivering to people … the male dom is a dying breed haha"

I disagree but would love to know what training you're referring to?

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By *entDomMan
over a year ago

Paddock Wood, Kent

9 hours ago this thread started, it's like watching rutting stags.

Girls (guys included) ultimately you decide who is right for you, your decision, we have heard about one's that we're OTT and others that were not dominant enough.

I'm afraid you are going to have to talk in detail znd you'll probably have to kiss a few frogs on your journey. I promise it's worth it in the end.

Lastly while the stags are rutting look out for the quiet one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"9 hours ago this thread started, it's like watching rutting stags.

Girls (guys included) ultimately you decide who is right for you, your decision, we have heard about one's that we're OTT and others that were not dominant enough.

I'm afraid you are going to have to talk in detail znd you'll probably have to kiss a few frogs on your journey. I promise it's worth it in the end.

Lastly while the stags are rutting look out for the quiet one "

I tend to look out for those who put other Doms down. Maybe that's just me.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

[Removed by poster at 14/06/22 18:22:02]

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By *uHorny1Man
over a year ago

Cannock

Often, men who advertise themselves,as Dom on their profile are nothing of the sort

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Crikey, I slack off to do a bit of work and the thread's exploded!

Think I explained what I meant badly when I said the sub has ultimate control. Was really talking in the context of this particular thread about an (I'm assuming) fairly new person to the scene looking for a Dom, and just meant that submissive doesn't mean blindly obedient (or $sub !== $meek for those enjoying some programmer humour).

Honestly, I think you hit the nail on the head.

The submissive SHOULD hold ultimate control - in that they give control and can just as easily take it back. If they feel they can't take it back, something's gone wrong - e.g. if a submissive feels that there will be some sort of recrimination. This isn't the same as the submissive being responsible for the actions of the dominant, who is entirely able to violate that expectation.

That said, this is in a thread about someone asking after a "true Dom", so I think you also made the mistake of taking it seriously "

I disagree, it’s a a power exchange, no one should have all the power.

You can’t have a Dom without a sub and vice Versa

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I do feel people forget kink is a wide and deep pool, and their experiences in one part of the pool may not apply in another part. The only constants are safety, consent, education and a lack of abuse (although that needs qualifying). I am also writing this quickly and I am only setting an alternative view, there is no intention to insult anyone. I also apologise for typos.

Close to my heart was the comment on sadists. It may be a matter of expression but I know many sadists who are excellent dominants. There is a clear distinction between people who don't meet boundaries and limits and those that do. The failure to meet boundaries and limits have nothing to do with sadism but all to do with being an evil f@ckwit, no matter the boundary or limit.

I also wish (and I see it on FL and here) when people refer to kink not purely about the application of pain, they also said kink is not only just about sex. Better still, people should talk about what they offer and this avoids the problem.

There was a comment about only getting into someone's pants. I would guess for over 50% of the scene sex is a strong component of people's kink and there is nothing wrong with that provided the parties are on the same page. Even from previous centuries kink and sex overlapped.

I know a number of people that do bedroom bondage either due to privacy or they don't get on in group interaction at events because of being neuro divergent. These people both subs and doms will not be verified and will not want people poking around their lives. There is nothing sinister about it. Those of us that do rope will know of people held out as at the pinnacle only for the reports of consent violations. Dealing with a person who is out on the scene is no guarantee. If you have bad feelings about a person don't play with them or only stick to people you have become comfortable. Bur remember not all psycho/socio/paths are drooling idiots with a short fuse, but they can be personable and willing to spend time to trap someone. Also remember everyone these days has the patter, and can trot out the consent and trust platitudes whether evil minded or just incompetent.

The sub is in control in my view is wrong for the following reasons. Everyone vanilla or kinky in the Western world (with a few legal exceptions) has the right to decide what happens with their bodies, it is not a kink thing it is an everyday walking down the street or in the home position. Control of body is different from control of a relationship which will vary between parties. I would say 50/50 un a relationship is best but it will vary. People say without a sub you can't, do anything. Likewise without a dom you can't do anything. Also a sub cannot make a dom act against the dom's will.

The meaning of 'dominant' debate has left out that in the old school dominant had its dictionary meaning and was total power exchange, hence also you have masters and those that espouse the one true way. This has created the stereotype that is out there today of the all controlling dom to be obeyed instantly. Go to the kindle section of amazon on kink fiction and you will see very few mild (or poor) doms are in it.

The modern kink community definitions of a 'dominant'are in regard to a relationship of trust,caring, and with the absence of abuse, no matter the level of negotiated power exchange. I qualified the meaning of abuse above because with the old school the submissive had given up themselves entirely to the dom to do what they wish, so those doms felt no abuse occurred. As a comparison look up Gorean lifestyle or 1950s Wife. In fiction look up Laura Antoniou Marketplace books.

At the end of the day as long as people know what they are getting into (both doms and subs), the people should fill their boots. But there is dishonesty and bad mindedness out there. But also a lot of fun and joy, and laughter. Although laughter is only allowed after the beating stops.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A swingers site isn't the ideal place to meet someone who offers the domly traits you're looking for. Obvs we can't mention the Fetish Lifestyle site where you can find kinksters in your area, but it's a much better way to find your local munches and events filled with people who share your interests"

I met my Dd on here, he is an awesome Dom, plus I’ve met other excellent Doms on here (and some cocks)

It’s as good a place as any

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A swingers site isn't the ideal place to meet someone who offers the domly traits you're looking for. Obvs we can't mention the Fetish Lifestyle site where you can find kinksters in your area, but it's a much better way to find your local munches and events filled with people who share your interests

I met my Dd on here, he is an awesome Dom, plus I’ve met other excellent Doms on here (and some cocks)

It’s as good a place as any "

I’m very pleased it worked out for you. But this platform has a very small pool of kinky people. And I wouldn’t expect it to be any other way.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"A swingers site isn't the ideal place to meet someone who offers the domly traits you're looking for. Obvs we can't mention the Fetish Lifestyle site where you can find kinksters in your area, but it's a much better way to find your local munches and events filled with people who share your interests

I met my Dd on here, he is an awesome Dom, plus I’ve met other excellent Doms on here (and some cocks)

It’s as good a place as any "

I agree with you Hippy, made lots of contacts on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Plus with all the training companies are delivering to people … the male dom is a dying breed haha"

Only the useless ones . Good riddens lol

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton


"A swingers site isn't the ideal place to meet someone who offers the domly traits you're looking for. Obvs we can't mention the Fetish Lifestyle site where you can find kinksters in your area, but it's a much better way to find your local munches and events filled with people who share your interests

I met my Dd on here, he is an awesome Dom, plus I’ve met other excellent Doms on here (and some cocks)

It’s as good a place as any

I agree with you Hippy, made lots of contacts on here. "

As stated on other threads, I agree with both of the above contributors.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A swingers site isn't the ideal place to meet someone who offers the domly traits you're looking for. Obvs we can't mention the Fetish Lifestyle site where you can find kinksters in your area, but it's a much better way to find your local munches and events filled with people who share your interests

I met my Dd on here, he is an awesome Dom, plus I’ve met other excellent Doms on here (and some cocks)

It’s as good a place as any

I agree with you Hippy, made lots of contacts on here. "

I have made my FL profile moribund as I found this site less intense and less showy. And I spent a few years just on kink sites.

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By *assy MissWoman
over a year ago

Sent to Coventry


"A swingers site isn't the ideal place to meet someone who offers the domly traits you're looking for. Obvs we can't mention the Fetish Lifestyle site where you can find kinksters in your area, but it's a much better way to find your local munches and events filled with people who share your interests

I met my Dd on here, he is an awesome Dom, plus I’ve met other excellent Doms on here (and some cocks)

It’s as good a place as any "

I’m another who has met a couple of awesome D’s here, but yes there are a lot of pretenders too. Having said that the Fet sites aren’t any better for that

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"A swingers site isn't the ideal place to meet someone who offers the domly traits you're looking for. Obvs we can't mention the Fetish Lifestyle site where you can find kinksters in your area, but it's a much better way to find your local munches and events filled with people who share your interests

I met my Dd on here, he is an awesome Dom, plus I’ve met other excellent Doms on here (and some cocks)

It’s as good a place as any

I agree with you Hippy, made lots of contacts on here.

I have made my FL profile moribund as I found this site less intense and less showy. And I spent a few years just on kink sites. "

Yep, speak to all sorts on here various types of Dom's, tops, switches, submissives of all various nature's. Find it a friendly atmosphere to talk kink here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


". I’m another who has met a couple of awesome D’s here, but yes there are a lot of pretenders too. Having said that the Fet sites aren’t any better for that

"

In my experience Fet sites and Fabs are very different culture and community. The people on the whole aren’t the same. The kink folks on here versus Fet sites understandably more aligned, but not the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


". I’m another who has met a couple of awesome D’s here, but yes there are a lot of pretenders too. Having said that the Fet sites aren’t any better for that

In my experience Fet sites and Fabs are very different culture and community. The people on the whole aren’t the same. The kink folks on here versus Fet sites understandably more aligned, but not the same."

You’d be surprised at the amount of crossover

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


". I’m another who has met a couple of awesome D’s here, but yes there are a lot of pretenders too. Having said that the Fet sites aren’t any better for that

In my experience Fet sites and Fabs are very different culture and community. The people on the whole aren’t the same. The kink folks on here versus Fet sites understandably more aligned, but not the same.

You’d be surprised at the amount of crossover "

I’d love to think there could be a Fabs Kink Munch .

Will I have to wait long to do you think ?

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By *arklong88Man
over a year ago

portslade /porthmadog

[Removed by poster at 14/06/22 19:01:02]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just wondering if there are any at all?

Being a Dom is a mindset and I see a lot of guys here claiming to be Don's but you see their interactions and they lack that true Alpha mentality.

Examples

Guys who send repeated msgs at women, if she doesn't like you, move on, constantly messaging shows a neediness

Cum tributes- where do I start, a true alpha and Dom doesn't see himself as a plaything to amuse others. You should be requesting cum tributes mot giving them

Chasing after women and being needy. A true Alpha/Dom, knows their worth, appreciate the work they put in on themselves and don't just give away free attention like that.

Anyways just my 2 cents on it. It's not about toys and fantasies it's about a lifestyle and mentality.

E.g was just chatting with a woman and she was like oh I hope you were stroking your dick to my pics and I was like you do turn me on but as regards to if I stroked myself to my your pics, that's classified information that's on a need to know basis (tbh, I didn't stroke my dick to her pics) "

Please explain more about the "true alpha" mentality and lifestyle? I feel I could learn how to be a true Dom from you having read your profile...

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


" The only thing that makes sense for me with this philosophy is based on gender.

Just to clarify if you’re assuming only males can be Dominant in a kink dynamic you’d be incorrect. "

Well it seems I failed. I obviously didn’t get over clearly what I was trying to convey.

What I am trying to say is that when I have heard people use phrases like “the submissive holds all the power”, my submission is “a gift” or needs to be “earned” it tends to be in dynamics with a female submissive and male Dominant and not any other variation of a FLR.

So my observation is more that this type of sentiment tends to originate from dynamics with a male Dom and female sub.

I worry about it because it can allow predators and abusers to gaslight newbies and ruin their introduction to a lifestyle I love very much.

Like any walk of life the scene is full of predators and unsafe people, so the best thing we can do is educate people, including ourselves.

Hence why I want to understand why people feel that submissive's hold all the power as my thinking may be skewed

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"I’d love to think there could be a Fabs Kink Munch .

Will I have to wait long to do you think ?"

Master Rope Knot organised a fab rope and cake event in Birmingham last year

Like anything its date and location

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


". I’m another who has met a couple of awesome D’s here, but yes there are a lot of pretenders too. Having said that the Fet sites aren’t any better for that

In my experience Fet sites and Fabs are very different culture and community. The people on the whole aren’t the same. The kink folks on here versus Fet sites understandably more aligned, but not the same.

You’d be surprised at the amount of crossover

I’d love to think there could be a Fabs Kink Munch .

Will I have to wait long to do you think ?"

There's plenty of lively local munches put on the well known kinksters site that I can't name here

Although, thinking about it, if you did need to find a "true alpha dom" maybe a fab munch would be the place to go...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Curious to know what a "true dom" means for women. I am a sub male and have met dominant females in parties who seem to know what they are doing. But I have seen lots of female profiles complaining about fake doms. What exactly is a fake dom? A sub guy acting like he is dominant?

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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds


"Curious to know what a "true dom" means for women. I am a sub male and have met dominant females in parties who seem to know what they are doing. But I have seen lots of female profiles complaining about fake doms. What exactly is a fake dom? A sub guy acting like he is dominant? "

A fake Dom is a dangerous arsehole who thinks he can get his end away and not be remotely mindful of his technique or the sub.

C

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

I suspect they are on other websites more specifically about fetish and/or kink lifestyles.

Most people on fab - that I've encountered - who claim to be Doms make me chuckle. And some are actually just aggressive wannabes.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


". I’m another who has met a couple of awesome D’s here, but yes there are a lot of pretenders too. Having said that the Fet sites aren’t any better for that

In my experience Fet sites and Fabs are very different culture and community. The people on the whole aren’t the same. The kink folks on here versus Fet sites understandably more aligned, but not the same.

You’d be surprised at the amount of crossover

I’d love to think there could be a Fabs Kink Munch .

Will I have to wait long to do you think ?

There's plenty of lively local munches put on the well known kinksters site that I can't name here

Although, thinking about it, if you did need to find a "true alpha dom" maybe a fab munch would be the place to go... "

So if I met with you as I met you here you'd be a "true alpha Dom"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


". So my observation is more that this type of sentiment tends to originate from dynamics with a male Dom and female sub.

I worry about it because it can allow predators and abusers to gaslight newbies and ruin their introduction to a lifestyle I love very much.

Like any walk of life the scene is full of predators and unsafe people, so the best thing we can do is educate people, including ourselves."

Thank you for clarification, as it was needed.

I understand everyone has their lived experience and as someone that has been in kink community for many years and knowing Dommes, as I was a sub myself at the start of my journey. The predatory nature of kink bdsm isn’t exclusive to males and their female Subs. Plenty of male subs are taken advantage of financially by dommes.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Curious to know what a "true dom" means for women. I am a sub male and have met dominant females in parties who seem to know what they are doing. But I have seen lots of female profiles complaining about fake doms. What exactly is a fake dom? A sub guy acting like he is dominant?

A fake Dom is a dangerous arsehole who thinks he can get his end away and not be remotely mindful of his technique or the sub.

C"

Gotcha!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Curious to know what a "true dom" means for women. I am a sub male and have met dominant females in parties who seem to know what they are doing. But I have seen lots of female profiles complaining about fake doms. What exactly is a fake dom? A sub guy acting like he is dominant? "

A fair amount of men(a scary amount in fact) claiming to be Dom, are actually just abusive arseholes who think/want to be Dom in order to abuse others.

An ethical Dom has control of himself, his scene and with his/her consent, his sub.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"Thank you for clarification, as it was needed.

I understand everyone has their lived experience and as someone that has been in kink community for many years and knowing Dommes, as I was a sub myself at the start of my journey. The predatory nature of kink bdsm isn’t exclusive to males and their female Subs. Plenty of male subs are taken advantage of financially by dommes.

"

Please lets avoid the my dicks bigger than yours re lived experience because no ones experience is the same regardless of how long they have been in the scene.

Whats important is people being open to education and new ways of thinking, opinions.

Not gatekeeping and passing off dangerous or incorrect information as the “one true way”

I am confident in my knowledge and abilities, some may see it as arrogant, but I also know how much I don’t know and try to educate myself so keep an open mind

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"So if I met with you as I met you here you'd be a "true alpha Dom" "

Not just “a true alpha Dom” but “The True Alpha Dom” or TTAG (like TBAG) for short

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire


"OP: there’s no such thing as a true dom. There is only the right dom for you, someone who can bring out the best in you.

There are, however, a lot of wankers out there, who will take advantage of submissives. Look for someone who matches your energy, your openness and your commitment, whatever that looks like. "

Couldn't agree more with this sentiment.

Absolutely key 'Does this person bring out the best in me?'

Who I truly want to be, where I am most comfortable being me...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"So if I met with you as I met you here you'd be a "true alpha Dom"

Not just “a true alpha Dom” but “The True Alpha Dom” or TTAG (like TBAG) for short "

I'm not teabagging him, don't know where he's been

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"So if I met with you as I met you here you'd be a "true alpha Dom"

Not just “a true alpha Dom” but “The True Alpha Dom” or TTAG (like TBAG) for short

I'm not teabagging him, don't know where he's been "

Just pretend you’re making a cup of yorkshire tea then

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for clarification, as it was needed.

I understand everyone has their lived experience and as someone that has been in kink community for many years and knowing Dommes, as I was a sub myself at the start of my journey. The predatory nature of kink bdsm isn’t exclusive to males and their female Subs. Plenty of male subs are taken advantage of financially by dommes.

Please lets avoid the my dicks bigger than yours re lived experience because no ones experience is the same regardless of how long they have been in the scene.

Whats important is people being open to education and new ways of thinking, opinions.

Not gatekeeping and passing off dangerous or incorrect information as the “one true way”

I am confident in my knowledge and abilities, some may see it as arrogant, but I also know how much I don’t know and try to educate myself so keep an open mind"

I’m pretty sure you don’t understand what the term ‘lived experience’ means . Lol

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"Thank you for clarification, as it was needed.

I understand everyone has their lived experience and as someone that has been in kink community for many years and knowing Dommes, as I was a sub myself at the start of my journey. The predatory nature of kink bdsm isn’t exclusive to males and their female Subs. Plenty of male subs are taken advantage of financially by dommes.

Please lets avoid the my dicks bigger than yours re lived experience because no ones experience is the same regardless of how long they have been in the scene.

Whats important is people being open to education and new ways of thinking, opinions.

Not gatekeeping and passing off dangerous or incorrect information as the “one true way”

I am confident in my knowledge and abilities, some may see it as arrogant, but I also know how much I don’t know and try to educate myself so keep an open mind

I’m pretty sure you don’t understand what the term ‘lived experience’ means . Lol "

Perhaps take a leaf out of your own book and clarify what you meant?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If the sub has all the power, they get to choose who they give their submission to, then does the Dominant have no say in the matter, or can they also choose who’s submission they want to accept?"

It goes without saying that the dominant - or, any other person - has ultimate control over what they do. The phrase "the submissive has ultimate control" is tackling a misunderstanding people have about D/s relationships, in which it it assumed that a dominant has control and a submissive does not. In a non-abusive D/s relationship the submissive grants control - and can meaningfully withdraw it.

It's also an assertion - like how we say "women are equal". It's something we say should be the case, not something we think is always the case. We don't need to catalogue the details to assert something, and in practice we don't - "women are equal", "trans women are women", "black lives matter" etc etc.

We all know dominants have control

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *acko452Man
over a year ago

maldon


"I’m a Dom baby xxx

I need someone a little older and closer to me x "

Good evening

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for clarification, as it was needed.

I understand everyone has their lived experience and as someone that has been in kink community for many years and knowing Dommes, as I was a sub myself at the start of my journey. The predatory nature of kink bdsm isn’t exclusive to males and their female Subs. Plenty of male subs are taken advantage of financially by dommes.

Please lets avoid the my dicks bigger than yours re lived experience because no ones experience is the same regardless of how long they have been in the scene.

Whats important is people being open to education and new ways of thinking, opinions.

Not gatekeeping and passing off dangerous or incorrect information as the “one true way”

I am confident in my knowledge and abilities, some may see it as arrogant, but I also know how much I don’t know and try to educate myself so keep an open mind

I’m pretty sure you don’t understand what the term ‘lived experience’ means . Lol "

Why do you do this?

The other thing about a great Dom is to know that they can learn from others, from other Doms or subs.

A great Dom can be flexible, and knows he doesn’t know everything.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


". I’m another who has met a couple of awesome D’s here, but yes there are a lot of pretenders too. Having said that the Fet sites aren’t any better for that

In my experience Fet sites and Fabs are very different culture and community. The people on the whole aren’t the same. The kink folks on here versus Fet sites understandably more aligned, but not the same.

You’d be surprised at the amount of crossover

I’d love to think there could be a Fabs Kink Munch .

Will I have to wait long to do you think ?

There's plenty of lively local munches put on the well known kinksters site that I can't name here

Although, thinking about it, if you did need to find a "true alpha dom" maybe a fab munch would be the place to go...

So if I met with you as I met you here you'd be a "true alpha Dom" "

I'm the Domliest Dom since Dom DeLois Domiciled on the Dominican Republic...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So if I met with you as I met you here you'd be a "true alpha Dom"

Not just “a true alpha Dom” but “The True Alpha Dom” or TTAG (like TBAG) for short "

Hahaha yesss!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So if I met with you as I met you here you'd be a "true alpha Dom"

Not just “a true alpha Dom” but “The True Alpha Dom” or TTAG (like TBAG) for short

I'm not teabagging him, don't know where he's been "

Bet you would if I chucked in a packet of garibaldis!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My other half J is. Very experienced and has ‘ owned and trained several submissive girls in the past. He’s ex was a professional dominatrix so that’s weeee he started. It was a lifestyle for him and the lady’s. It’s not all about sex for him, control , giving each other what they both need and that connection you can only get from trust over time. I’ve played sub for him many times. But I think a true submissive / dominant dynamic is what he really misses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The act of submission is a gift. It’s a declaration of trust. Whilst a dominant may exerts a flexible amount of power. Ultimately, the enactment of submission from the other party empowers the dominant.

There are many different types of dynamics when it comes to dominance and the act of submission. It’s learning the skills of patience with understanding. With caring and attention.

The pretext dominant and submissive roles are predominantly often associated with sexual stimulation. In reality, Psychological stimulation is key to knowing the difference between someone who knows what they’re doing. To those that have only just begun a journey to understanding.

It’s a truly intimate and exhilarating experience when you’re lucky enough to be in a situation where you have a submissive that trusts you.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ountessmarchCouple
over a year ago

Beverley

Dom Sub for us is a highly personal relationship. What one considers as Dom Sub will not be considered that to others apart from the general consensus of a shifted power dynamic.

Mr is a dominant but takes time to learn someone and get to know them to really understand what it is they want, where they want to explore and where the limits soft, and hard are.

Bottom line is, it's communication.

If considering exploring this it is important trust is built up and we play fairly vanilla on a first meet with gradual introduction of kink as and when.

Restraint, particularly rope, can be very dangerous if not done correctly with a lot of anatomical weak points i.e., areas of circulation and nerve plexus that if constricted the wrong way can cause injury!

We always practice play safe, play with intent and play with trust because if those can't be met something is wrong, especially in kink play.

He spent time with a professional dom and is in regular contact with him as well as more experienced kinksters who we trust and know play safe.

Communication isn't hard, but it is essential to get hard

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ountessmarchCouple
over a year ago

Beverley


"Dom Sub for us is a highly personal relationship. What one considers as Dom Sub will not be considered that to others apart from the general consensus of a shifted power dynamic.

Mr is a dominant but takes time to learn someone and get to know them to really understand what it is they want, where they want to explore and where the limits soft, and hard are.

Bottom line is, it's communication.

If considering exploring this it is important trust is built up and we play fairly vanilla on a first meet with gradual introduction of kink as and when.

Restraint, particularly rope, can be very dangerous if not done correctly with a lot of anatomical weak points i.e., areas of circulation and nerve plexus that if constricted the wrong way can cause injury!

We always practice play safe, play with intent and play with trust because if those can't be met something is wrong, especially in kink play.

He spent time with a professional dom and is in regular contact with him as well as more experienced kinksters who we trust and know play safe.

Communication isn't hard, but it is essential to get hard "

Oh and before we start ranting, aftercare is just as important as the play! If you haven't experienced Sub space the come down can be very intense!

Talk People!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"So if I met with you as I met you here you'd be a "true alpha Dom"

Not just “a true alpha Dom” but “The True Alpha Dom” or TTAG (like TBAG) for short

I'm not teabagging him, don't know where he's been

Bet you would if I chucked in a packet of garibaldis! "

Who are you kidding?

She’d do it for half a pack, and take your arm off to boot

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So if I met with you as I met you here you'd be a "true alpha Dom"

Not just “a true alpha Dom” but “The True Alpha Dom” or TTAG (like TBAG) for short

I'm not teabagging him, don't know where he's been

Bet you would if I chucked in a packet of garibaldis!

Who are you kidding?

She’d do it for half a pack, and take your arm off to boot "

I know, but generosity is part of my play style!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ean counterMan
over a year ago

Market Harborough/ Kettering

I have the tools and the attitude

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"The act of submission is a gift. It’s a declaration of trust. Whilst a dominant may exerts a flexible amount of power. Ultimately, the enactment of submission from the other party empowers the dominant. "

Do you also consider the Dominants role to be a gift, showing trust and empowering the submissive?

I am trying to understand why people do not view what D types offer equally to s types?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"So if I met with you as I met you here you'd be a "true alpha Dom"

Not just “a true alpha Dom” but “The True Alpha Dom” or TTAG (like TBAG) for short

I'm not teabagging him, don't know where he's been

Bet you would if I chucked in a packet of garibaldis!

Who are you kidding?

She’d do it for half a pack, and take your arm off to boot

I know, but generosity is part of my play style! "

Half now, half during aftercare - you old charmer you

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Want a dom that can tick all your boxes and delivery an experience? That's a male escort.

Want to develop a D/s? Relationship? Meet people at munches.

Too many women who are boring in the bedroom or want someone to do all the work seek out dom men.

And too many men think being a pushy arsehole is dom.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So if I met with you as I met you here you'd be a "true alpha Dom"

Not just “a true alpha Dom” but “The True Alpha Dom” or TTAG (like TBAG) for short

I'm not teabagging him, don't know where he's been

Bet you would if I chucked in a packet of garibaldis!

Who are you kidding?

She’d do it for half a pack, and take your arm off to boot

I know, but generosity is part of my play style!

Half now, half during aftercare - you old charmer you "

I might leave a trail of garibaldis on the floor for Frida...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And I'm really sorry to break it to the self proclaimed 'alpha males', but there's no such thing as alpha males in wolf packs. It's all made up

If you need to prove you're so dominant and masculine with a label like that then it really shows just how fragile it is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And I'm really sorry to break it to the self proclaimed 'alpha males', but there's no such thing as alpha males in wolf packs. It's all made up

If you need to prove you're so dominant and masculine with a label like that then it really shows just how fragile it is "

It’s a well known fact all Doms are fragile creatures

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The act of submission is a gift. It’s a declaration of trust. Whilst a dominant may exerts a flexible amount of power. Ultimately, the enactment of submission from the other party empowers the dominant.

Do you also consider the Dominants role to be a gift, showing trust and empowering the submissive?

I am trying to understand why people do not view what D types offer equally to s types?"

Can empower both. Its complexity can be defined in various ways from a dominant or submissive perspective. Could write about both very easily about what each gives each other.But that would require me to do an essay which considering that I’m in the middle of doing the 6000 word report for university maybe some other time

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"So if I met with you as I met you here you'd be a "true alpha Dom"

Not just “a true alpha Dom” but “The True Alpha Dom” or TTAG (like TBAG) for short

I'm not teabagging him, don't know where he's been

Bet you would if I chucked in a packet of garibaldis! "

Wonder if I could make you into dead man biscuits?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"So if I met with you as I met you here you'd be a "true alpha Dom"

Not just “a true alpha Dom” but “The True Alpha Dom” or TTAG (like TBAG) for short

I'm not teabagging him, don't know where he's been

Bet you would if I chucked in a packet of garibaldis!

Who are you kidding?

She’d do it for half a pack, and take your arm off to boot

I know, but generosity is part of my play style!

Half now, half during aftercare - you old charmer you

I might leave a trail of garibaldis on the floor for Frida... "

What you think I'm going to walk on my hands and knees to eat them!!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And I'm really sorry to break it to the self proclaimed 'alpha males', but there's no such thing as alpha males in wolf packs. It's all made up

If you need to prove you're so dominant and masculine with a label like that then it really shows just how fragile it is

It’s a well known fact all Doms are fragile creatures "

Umm, really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/06/22 21:33:59]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The act of submission is a gift. It’s a declaration of trust. Whilst a dominant may exerts a flexible amount of power. Ultimately, the enactment of submission from the other party empowers the dominant.

There are many different types of dynamics when it comes to dominance and the act of submission. It’s learning the skills of patience with understanding. With caring and attention.

The pretext dominant and submissive roles are predominantly often associated with sexual stimulation. In reality, Psychological stimulation is key to knowing the difference between someone who knows what they’re doing. To those that have only just begun a journey to understanding.

It’s a truly intimate and exhilarating experience when you’re lucky enough to be in a situation where you have a submissive that trusts you."

You’re sharing your own personal experience of a Dom (male) and Sub (female) dynamic. As we know, not all dynamics follow your experience , and a Domme (female) with sub (male) wouldn’t resonate wholly with what you’ve written.

I replied because some people may think you’re speaking factually when it’s really your experience.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The act of submission is a gift. It’s a declaration of trust. Whilst a dominant may exerts a flexible amount of power. Ultimately, the enactment of submission from the other party empowers the dominant.

There are many different types of dynamics when it comes to dominance and the act of submission. It’s learning the skills of patience with understanding. With caring and attention.

The pretext dominant and submissive roles are predominantly often associated with sexual stimulation. In reality, Psychological stimulation is key to knowing the difference between someone who knows what they’re doing. To those that have only just begun a journey to understanding.

It’s a truly intimate and exhilarating experience when you’re lucky enough to be in a situation where you have a submissive that trusts you.

You’re sharing your own personal experience of a Dom (male) and Sub (female) dynamic. As we know, not all dynamics follow your experience , and a Domme (female) with sub (male) wouldn’t resonate wholly with what you’ve written.

I replied because some people may think you’re speaking factually when it’s really your experience."

Of course speaking on my experience. As well as studying it for close to a decade. There’s many people have different experiences from different dynamics.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s obviously better to get to know Doms and build up trust and a relationship but… my god sometimes you can just tell from the first message, you know? I feel like they’re the best ones that I’ve had

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The act of submission is a gift. It’s a declaration of trust. Whilst a dominant may exerts a flexible amount of power. Ultimately, the enactment of submission from the other party empowers the dominant.

There are many different types of dynamics when it comes to dominance and the act of submission. It’s learning the skills of patience with understanding. With caring and attention.

The pretext dominant and submissive roles are predominantly often associated with sexual stimulation. In reality, Psychological stimulation is key to knowing the difference between someone who knows what they’re doing. To those that have only just begun a journey to understanding.

It’s a truly intimate and exhilarating experience when you’re lucky enough to be in a situation where you have a submissive that trusts you.

You’re sharing your own personal experience of a Dom (male) and Sub (female) dynamic. As we know, not all dynamics follow your experience , and a Domme (female) with sub (male) wouldn’t resonate wholly with what you’ve written.

I replied because some people may think you’re speaking factually when it’s really your experience.

Of course speaking on my experience. As well as studying it for close to a decade. There’s many people have different experiences from different dynamics. "

As a learned man, I’d be intrigued to hear about your thoughts of the Domme dynamic, and her male submissive. What similarities do you say exists and what are crucially different in a typical dynamic that you’ve seen from your studies .

I have some views but that’s based on experience and not from academic literature or research.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So if I met with you as I met you here you'd be a "true alpha Dom"

Not just “a true alpha Dom” but “The True Alpha Dom” or TTAG (like TBAG) for short

I'm not teabagging him, don't know where he's been

Bet you would if I chucked in a packet of garibaldis!

Who are you kidding?

She’d do it for half a pack, and take your arm off to boot

I know, but generosity is part of my play style!

Half now, half during aftercare - you old charmer you

I might leave a trail of garibaldis on the floor for Frida...

What you think I'm going to walk on my hands and knees to eat them!!! "

No hands, they'll be cuffed behind your back. Eat the biscuits one by one, and don't you DARE drop any crumbs on the floor...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"The act of submission is a gift. It’s a declaration of trust. Whilst a dominant may exerts a flexible amount of power. Ultimately, the enactment of submission from the other party empowers the dominant.

There are many different types of dynamics when it comes to dominance and the act of submission. It’s learning the skills of patience with understanding. With caring and attention.

The pretext dominant and submissive roles are predominantly often associated with sexual stimulation. In reality, Psychological stimulation is key to knowing the difference between someone who knows what they’re doing. To those that have only just begun a journey to understanding.

It’s a truly intimate and exhilarating experience when you’re lucky enough to be in a situation where you have a submissive that trusts you.

You’re sharing your own personal experience of a Dom (male) and Sub (female) dynamic. As we know, not all dynamics follow your experience , and a Domme (female) with sub (male) wouldn’t resonate wholly with what you’ve written.

I replied because some people may think you’re speaking factually when it’s really your experience."

Just because your experience means that doesn't resonate, you can't say that all female dominant / male submissive relationships - you're doing exactly what you're accusing the other poster of. Several times on this thread you've had up your experience as being something factual or concrete while dismissing others experiences - you need to appreciate how different it can be for everyone.

I very very rarely have the dynamic where I'm dominant towards a man, but in the times that I have, what the op is describing resonates completely.

Although I'm never a fan of talking about submission as a gift, (I just don't like the language and it feels a little too, shallow is the first word that comes to mind but that doesn't describe it exactly. The trust that has to be in place between a couple, the flow of the dynamic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The act of submission is a gift. It’s a declaration of trust. Whilst a dominant may exerts a flexible amount of power. Ultimately, the enactment of submission from the other party empowers the dominant.

Do you also consider the Dominants role to be a gift, showing trust and empowering the submissive?

I am trying to understand why people do not view what D types offer equally to s types?"

As a sub, I really dislike "submission is a gift". Aside from no recognition that the D-type is contributing equally to the partnership, it makes subs sound like a sweet little damsel handing over a beautifully wrapped package. That doesn't ring true for me and I've submitted to several men.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"So if I met with you as I met you here you'd be a "true alpha Dom"

Not just “a true alpha Dom” but “The True Alpha Dom” or TTAG (like TBAG) for short

I'm not teabagging him, don't know where he's been

Bet you would if I chucked in a packet of garibaldis!

Who are you kidding?

She’d do it for half a pack, and take your arm off to boot

I know, but generosity is part of my play style!

Half now, half during aftercare - you old charmer you

I might leave a trail of garibaldis on the floor for Frida...

What you think I'm going to walk on my hands and knees to eat them!!!

No hands, they'll be cuffed behind your back. Eat the biscuits one by one, and don't you DARE drop any crumbs on the floor... "

Hah have to actually manage to restrain me which is no mean feat. And I like dares bring it

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for clarification, as it was needed.

I understand everyone has their lived experience and as someone that has been in kink community for many years and knowing Dommes, as I was a sub myself at the start of my journey. The predatory nature of kink bdsm isn’t exclusive to males and their female Subs. Plenty of male subs are taken advantage of financially by dommes.

Please lets avoid the my dicks bigger than yours re lived experience because no ones experience is the same regardless of how long they have been in the scene.

Whats important is people being open to education and new ways of thinking, opinions.

Not gatekeeping and passing off dangerous or incorrect information as the “one true way”

I am confident in my knowledge and abilities, some may see it as arrogant, but I also know how much I don’t know and try to educate myself so keep an open mind

I’m pretty sure you don’t understand what the term ‘lived experience’ means . Lol "

Could you BE more patronising?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Could you BE more patronising? "

I think you'll find this is conversational domination

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The act of submission is a gift. It’s a declaration of trust. Whilst a dominant may exerts a flexible amount of power. Ultimately, the enactment of submission from the other party empowers the dominant.

There are many different types of dynamics when it comes to dominance and the act of submission. It’s learning the skills of patience with understanding. With caring and attention.

The pretext dominant and submissive roles are predominantly often associated with sexual stimulation. In reality, Psychological stimulation is key to knowing the difference between someone who knows what they’re doing. To those that have only just begun a journey to understanding.

It’s a truly intimate and exhilarating experience when you’re lucky enough to be in a situation where you have a submissive that trusts you.

You’re sharing your own personal experience of a Dom (male) and Sub (female) dynamic. As we know, not all dynamics follow your experience , and a Domme (female) with sub (male) wouldn’t resonate wholly with what you’ve written.

I replied because some people may think you’re speaking factually when it’s really your experience.

Just because your experience means that doesn't resonate, you can't say that all female dominant / male submissive relationships - you're doing exactly what you're accusing the other poster of. Several times on this thread you've had up your experience as being something factual or concrete while dismissing others experiences - you need to appreciate how different it can be for everyone.

I very very rarely have the dynamic where I'm dominant towards a man, but in the times that I have, what the op is describing resonates completely.

Although I'm never a fan of talking about submission as a gift, (I just don't like the language and it feels a little too, shallow is the first word that comes to mind but that doesn't describe it exactly. The trust that has to be in place between a couple, the flow of the dynamic"

Thank you for your comment about my experiences being presented as factual. If you’re able to provide evidence of this, please share it. Because I don’t believe I’ve suggested anything today to be factual, but from experience.

The thread writer, presented information as facts and from authority. He didn’t state it was his personal experience. He then mentioned he had been studying for a decade, again reiterating his credentials and not experience.

I note that you’re actually accusing me of the very same thing you’ve just done yourself .

So perhaps we can agree sometimes there is no right or wrong, sometimes our personal experiences are so strong that we share from that, and don’t always speak for others, as an authority figure .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for clarification, as it was needed.

I understand everyone has their lived experience and as someone that has been in kink community for many years and knowing Dommes, as I was a sub myself at the start of my journey. The predatory nature of kink bdsm isn’t exclusive to males and their female Subs. Plenty of male subs are taken advantage of financially by dommes.

Please lets avoid the my dicks bigger than yours re lived experience because no ones experience is the same regardless of how long they have been in the scene.

Whats important is people being open to education and new ways of thinking, opinions.

Not gatekeeping and passing off dangerous or incorrect information as the “one true way”

I am confident in my knowledge and abilities, some may see it as arrogant, but I also know how much I don’t know and try to educate myself so keep an open mind

I’m pretty sure you don’t understand what the term ‘lived experience’ means . Lol

Could you BE more patronising? "

Please prove that you know . Because reading the above, it’s clear that you haven’t understood the term, in its correct context.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The act of submission is a gift. It’s a declaration of trust. Whilst a dominant may exerts a flexible amount of power. Ultimately, the enactment of submission from the other party empowers the dominant.

There are many different types of dynamics when it comes to dominance and the act of submission. It’s learning the skills of patience with understanding. With caring and attention.

The pretext dominant and submissive roles are predominantly often associated with sexual stimulation. In reality, Psychological stimulation is key to knowing the difference between someone who knows what they’re doing. To those that have only just begun a journey to understanding.

It’s a truly intimate and exhilarating experience when you’re lucky enough to be in a situation where you have a submissive that trusts you.

You’re sharing your own personal experience of a Dom (male) and Sub (female) dynamic. As we know, not all dynamics follow your experience , and a Domme (female) with sub (male) wouldn’t resonate wholly with what you’ve written.

I replied because some people may think you’re speaking factually when it’s really your experience.

Just because your experience means that doesn't resonate, you can't say that all female dominant / male submissive relationships - you're doing exactly what you're accusing the other poster of. Several times on this thread you've had up your experience as being something factual or concrete while dismissing others experiences - you need to appreciate how different it can be for everyone.

I very very rarely have the dynamic where I'm dominant towards a man, but in the times that I have, what the op is describing resonates completely.

Although I'm never a fan of talking about submission as a gift, (I just don't like the language and it feels a little too, shallow is the first word that comes to mind but that doesn't describe it exactly. The trust that has to be in place between a couple, the flow of the dynamic

Thank you for your comment about my experiences being presented as factual. If you’re able to provide evidence of this, please share it. Because I don’t believe I’ve suggested anything today to be factual, but from experience.

The thread writer, presented information as facts and from authority. He didn’t state it was his personal experience. He then mentioned he had been studying for a decade, again reiterating his credentials and not experience.

I note that you’re actually accusing me of the very same thing you’ve just done yourself .

So perhaps we can agree sometimes there is no right or wrong, sometimes our personal experiences are so strong that we share from that, and don’t always speak for others, as an authority figure ."

I agree with what Lady Jayne said .

You come across as dismissive of others experiences and opinions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Could you BE more patronising?

I think you'll find this is conversational domination "

I’m an affectionate Dom

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So if I met with you as I met you here you'd be a "true alpha Dom"

Not just “a true alpha Dom” but “The True Alpha Dom” or TTAG (like TBAG) for short

I'm not teabagging him, don't know where he's been

Bet you would if I chucked in a packet of garibaldis!

Who are you kidding?

She’d do it for half a pack, and take your arm off to boot

I know, but generosity is part of my play style!

Half now, half during aftercare - you old charmer you

I might leave a trail of garibaldis on the floor for Frida...

What you think I'm going to walk on my hands and knees to eat them!!!

No hands, they'll be cuffed behind your back. Eat the biscuits one by one, and don't you DARE drop any crumbs on the floor...

Hah have to actually manage to restrain me which is no mean feat. And I like dares bring it "

Well, that's just charming isn't it! There's old Top Dogz, being kind to a little sub, being a nice old Dom, bringing them their favourite biscuits and that's the thanks I get! You know that I would wrestle you, and you would end up in naughty corner. No biscuits then young lady!

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By *aliceWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

This is pretty much every discussion I've ever read on what makes a dom a dom, or a sub a sub; the positioning of personal anecdote and experience as empirical universal models, fragile egos, and jostling for position, all over a subject where you may as well ask people to describe how magic works.

As With many other subjects people would do well to focus more on learning than teaching.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"The act of submission is a gift. It’s a declaration of trust. Whilst a dominant may exerts a flexible amount of power. Ultimately, the enactment of submission from the other party empowers the dominant.

There are many different types of dynamics when it comes to dominance and the act of submission. It’s learning the skills of patience with understanding. With caring and attention.

The pretext dominant and submissive roles are predominantly often associated with sexual stimulation. In reality, Psychological stimulation is key to knowing the difference between someone who knows what they’re doing. To those that have only just begun a journey to understanding.

It’s a truly intimate and exhilarating experience when you’re lucky enough to be in a situation where you have a submissive that trusts you.

You’re sharing your own personal experience of a Dom (male) and Sub (female) dynamic. As we know, not all dynamics follow your experience , and a Domme (female) with sub (male) wouldn’t resonate wholly with what you’ve written.

I replied because some people may think you’re speaking factually when it’s really your experience.

Just because your experience means that doesn't resonate, you can't say that all female dominant / male submissive relationships - you're doing exactly what you're accusing the other poster of. Several times on this thread you've had up your experience as being something factual or concrete while dismissing others experiences - you need to appreciate how different it can be for everyone.

I very very rarely have the dynamic where I'm dominant towards a man, but in the times that I have, what the op is describing resonates completely.

Although I'm never a fan of talking about submission as a gift, (I just don't like the language and it feels a little too, shallow is the first word that comes to mind but that doesn't describe it exactly. The trust that has to be in place between a couple, the flow of the dynamic

Thank you for your comment about my experiences being presented as factual. If you’re able to provide evidence of this, please share it. Because I don’t believe I’ve suggested anything today to be factual, but from experience.

The thread writer, presented information as facts and from authority. He didn’t state it was his personal experience. He then mentioned he had been studying for a decade, again reiterating his credentials and not experience.

I note that you’re actually accusing me of the very same thing you’ve just done yourself .

So perhaps we can agree sometimes there is no right or wrong, sometimes our personal experiences are so strong that we share from that, and don’t always speak for others, as an authority figure .

I agree with what Lady Jayne said .

You come across as dismissive of others experiences and opinions. "

And I agree with both Lady Jayne and Hippy. Your opinions are no more valid than anyone else's.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The last post on this thread is the most dom

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By *aliceWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

Yay.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Damn you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Please ignore any other "Dom" threads, only true Doms are being allowed to reply on this one.

Signed,

A Certified Dom Master - Associate

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"Thank you for your comment about my experiences being presented as factual. If you’re able to provide evidence of this, please share it. Because I don’t believe I’ve suggested anything today to be factual, but from experience.

The thread writer, presented information as facts and from authority. He didn’t state it was his personal experience. He then mentioned he had been studying for a decade, again reiterating his credentials and not experience.

I note that you’re actually accusing me of the very same thing you’ve just done yourself .

So perhaps we can agree sometimes there is no right or wrong, sometimes our personal experiences are so strong that we share from that, and don’t always speak for others, as an authority figure ."

I said very specifically that I was talking about my experience, so [sarcasm] thanks for glossing over and completely misreading the words I wrote [/sarcasm]

The bit I was talking about, where you presented something as factual rather than saying it was from your own experience I'd already quoted. It was the part I was initially replying to...


"As we know, not all dynamics follow your experience , and a Domme (female) with sub (male) wouldn’t resonate wholly with what you’ve written."

I don't appreciate you trying to put words into my mouth or speaking as if you're the authority on kink or BDSM.

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