FabSwingers.com forum: Being a Single Guy on Fab

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Before I go into the details of what I want to talk about I want to point out that I certainly do not think I am some Adonis who is god's gift to women, nor do I claim to be extremely successful on Fab. This is just my thoughts on my own experiences as well as discussions with people I have met along the way be it through Fab or through the Club Scene on how single guys can have more success and be more respectful on fab.

Firstly, I want to talk about profiles. These are the easiest places to look for an idea of what a woman, or couple, may be looking for, or not looking for from a single guy. From discussions with some of my friends, a lot of messages are from people who are simply not their type. Put simply from my own perspective, if someone states they are specifically looking for black men then that clearly is not me. The same goes for wanting someone with no facial hair, gym fit or athletic, and the list could go on. If you look at someone's profile and see anything that blatantly does not describe yourself, then use this as a guide and save yourself the time and effort of composing a message. The reason people post these criteria is to make it obvious what they are looking for, make it easier for yourself and try not to ignore this!

Secondly this goes for guys too! Try and create a decent profile. Nobody wants to receive messages from blank profiles with no pictures and no verifications. Get yourselves photo verified (very easy to do), get a selection of decent photos together (that does not mean only cock pics), and put together your own profile description. Detail what you are looking for and this is more likely to get you a response if someone looks and sees that they may fit your description. Just think would you ever respond to a profile with no description and no pictures?

On the flip side however, use the profile description to your advantage too! If a profile mentions a characteristic, be it personality or physical, and you feel like that is you then mention it in your message! A tailored message to someone's profile is far more likely to gain attention than a hi, how are you?! If a profile mentions as an example, someone who is over 6ft, someone so has more of a dad bod, tattoos and a beard, and you fit the bill then include this in your message! It will show that you have taken time to look at their profile and taken an interest.

Always try and attach a picture with your messages and, unless its specifically requested in a profile description, do not just send a dick pic!! You would immediately be cast into the thousands of deleted messages that just have a dick pic attached. Remember guys, your face is much more likely to be appreciated than your cock! Obviously some people do not want to show their face necessarily at first due to privacy, but at least select a couple of pictures which showcase yourself even if it is a full body pic with your face cropped out! It makes you look more personal and makes it easier for people to get an idea of who has messaged them!

Key words are often included in profiles as a way of filtering out messages that people receive. Its often a very simple way of being able to eliminate those who take their time to read a profile. Often within the body of a profile, there may be a line saying something like please include the word 'apple' to show that you have read my profile. Use this in the tagline of the message, often if it is not there, your message will simply be deleted regardless of how good your message is.

DO NOT take not getting a reply seriously, or take it to heart. If your message gets deleted, or read and not replied to, just take this as a clear sign that someone is not interested in you. When a woman or couple are receiving likely hundreds of messages, they do not have time to reply to every person they are not interested in, so deleting or not replying is the easiest way for them to move on. If your message is deleted, do not take it personally, its just saving you time and effort and saving you from trying to pursue someone who has no interest in you.

MUTLIPLE MESSAGES - This one is the bug bear of all of my female friends. If you do not get a response to your first message, then you are not going to get a response to your tenth message. To be put simply, send a message, and await a response. If the response does not come then please do not send a second, third, fourth, fifth message. You will not get a reply, you will get blocked and then you will just get a reputation.

Respect peoples preferences! If a woman has stated she only wants to meet black men, or white men, or tall men, or men with a beard, then just respect this is their preference. Do not send abusive messages accusing them of discriminating against others. You wouldn't go into a restaurant and order something you do not like would you? Well this follows the same principle and by stating their likes and dislikes this is effectively their 'shopping list'. Respect it and use it to narrow your search.

Finally and most importantly, DO NOT GET ABUSIVE. The amount of times I have seen abusive messages that get sent to women and couples after they have deleted a message, or replied and said thanks but no thanks is disgusting. If you send a message, get no response, and then flip and start sending vile abuse then you will simply get shared, reported, blocked and you will get nowhere in this life. Because a woman does not want to meet you does not give you the right to be racist, talk about their appearance, talk about their weight. The classic example would be saying something like "I wouldn't want to meet you anyway, you are just fat". If you really thought that why would you have messaged them in the first place? It makes you look misogynistic and desperate.

Away from just the site, the biggest piece of advice I would have for single guys is to get involved in the club scene. Find club events through the forum that suit what you would be looking for, and where you might be located, and get yourselves along to a club night. Similarly look out for socials in your area too. Alongside the club nights there is likely to be group chats you can get involved in, and ultimately this is a brilliant way of making new friends and connections. It is often difficult to make your personality come across over a message or a profile, so let it happen in person and you will be amazed how much easier it is to meet not only potential playmates, but also fantastic friendship groups along the way! And do not forget the more people you meet socially, the more likely you are to have people verify you. Often a verification from a social meeting is just as important to someone looking at your profile as a play meet, it shows you are genuine and you are real!

This is just a put together summary of how I feel you can stand out a little more in the weird and wonderful world of Fab. Yes it is more difficult for a single guy on Fab, the numbers do not lie, however there is a way you can carry yourself which will lead to you having a better swinging experience. Fundamentally if you are respectful, considerate, and you look for the right people then you will have a great experience. Just think and sending 5 messages to profiles which are looking for someone like you, is much better than 1000 messages to people of which you do not match what they are looking for!

Waffle over and happy fabbing!

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By *egoMan
over a year ago

Preston

Thumbs up dude!

Thought this was going to be another woe is me post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kudos to the OP for a brilliant post !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes yes yes!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a good post, going to use some of this advice

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By *ember101Man
over a year ago

London

Entirely reasonable and should be read by all

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By *ogerBottomsMan
over a year ago

Aberdare

Superbly expressed, mon brave.

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By *hybustybbw69Woman
over a year ago

Worcester

Very well put. And oh so true. Thank you for writing this post x

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By *oublesixesMan
over a year ago

Corby

Great post

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By *outhwest_shoesellerWoman
over a year ago

North Somerset

I wish all single guys on fab would read this!

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By *erfectman122Man
over a year ago

from somewhere nice

Fantastic post op

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole

Brilliant post! All newbies should read this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well written article.

Unfortunately, due to their nature and habits, none of the men who this article is addressed to won't read it fully as they will probably loose interest after the first paragraph. Which is a shame...

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By *ubian QueenWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Very well said babe

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By *edhead00Woman
over a year ago

East Midlands

Totally spot on! I've been trying to share that advice with men that message me for a long time, even those I'm not interested.

I hate to think some men think there's something wrong with them when in fact it's just their profile or expectations.

And those of you already doing things the OP does & suggests, carry on. You'll attract the right kind of people.

Group socials are a great idea and I've been to a few and a good way to chat to people. Clubs also too - it's not all snagging, there's chat too!

Lastly those that think the OP is talking trash & is one of those men who behaves like a caveman/misogynistic fool, your name will get around in a bad way. Remember the world of swinging is a small one.

You don't have to look like a model & be a gym feind to be successful on Fab. Personality and the ability to chat easily is way higher up the tick list than looks. Or cock size!

Climbs down off my soapbox

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

nailed it. You have condensed our experience of what to do and not to do, in a single post.

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By *eachykeencurvesWoman
over a year ago

Caerphilly

[Removed by poster at 12/01/22 16:46:56]

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By *eachykeencurvesWoman
over a year ago

Caerphilly

Yes so well put. Shared in a status hoping men will read and take note

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By *edhead00Woman
over a year ago

East Midlands

"Yes so well put. Shared in a status hoping men will read and take note

Great idea!

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By *CDecauxMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

Is it possible to like this 3 times over!? Well written bud.

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By *leecouple101Couple
over a year ago

North East Lincolnshire

Superbly written and spot on.

The points raised are very real and if folk take note what a better place fab would be. Thanks for putting such a well constructed article together.

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By *aunchy RaccoonsCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

This post should be pinned to the top of the Advice and Support section.

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Having met on the club scene I'd have to say your reputation mirrors your words on here OP. As a result I'm very aware of your deserved popularity amongst the group of single women and couples who attend the Dangerous Curves nights. None of this is coincidence, it's due to actually having high standards. They're not simply soundbites or lip service! Top man!

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By *edonisticHandfulWoman
over a year ago

Mansfield

Great Post. Wish more men appreciated this!

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By *oublethefunMan
over a year ago

royston

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great Post!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely amazing post!! My favourite read on any thread so far, only thing I would add to it is if a male is lucky enough to get talking to a couple then do not disregard the male half of said couple, instead bring him into the conversation and address both.

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By *ltra72Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

Great post, thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well said, there's some useful information for single guys, let's hope they use it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’d do well in sex education!

We could all do with posting a link to this post when we say thanks, but no thanks x

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By *ceofspades78Man
over a year ago

nottingham

Wooow I take my hat off to this now this is what I call a masterpiece

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

good post indeed ... but ..

the fact is 99% of guys on fab do not use the forum so hardly anyone will see it ..

and the other this is realise when you join fab that you are one of many many many men compared to women and couples and if you dont take the right steps to join in (ie clubs) that you will have almost zero chance of getting anything swinging is about what you put in to be able to get something out ...

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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago

mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds

"Absolutely amazing post!! My favourite read on any thread so far, only thing I would add to it is if a male is lucky enough to get talking to a couple then do not disregard the male half of said couple, instead bring him into the conversation and address both."

"Lucky enough" wow..really

. I'm so not worthy.

I treat fab as a two way street,mutual respect, both invest in the communication(s)if people engage with me I don't consider them or myself lucky.

If you give every person on here a blue print it will make sorting the wheat from the chaff more difficult for others,

the people who treat others with respect courtesy will get results.. you reap what you sow.

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By *lixir of lifeMan
over a year ago

knob Creek

It’s really not difficult for single guys on here..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/01/22 18:16:01]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lucky enough" wow..really

. I'm so not worthy.

I treat fab as a two way street,mutual respect, both invest in the communication(s)if people engage with me I don't consider them or myself lucky.

If you give every person on here a blue print it will make sorting the wheat from the chaff more difficult for others,

the people who treat others with respect courtesy will get results.. you reap what you sow."

I stand by the word "lucky" also goes both ways as we have been lucky enough to find decent single males on here as well, the reason behind my saying is because majority of males on here see the Mr and an obstacle to just nail the Mrs.

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

Excellent OP. Let's hope these guys take this in...oh and all of the above goes for couples to...far to many guys think that I need a good seeing to as if my hubby can't do that himself.

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By *layful LiaisonsCouple
over a year ago

Bi-ville

Great post OP.

Let's hope that many read and digest what's been said and change their mindsets accordingly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone else get turned on by full sentences and paragraphs?! As well as good grammar? Hi OP

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By *reeneyedminxWoman
over a year ago

near you

Absolutely! Very very well written! It’s a pleasure to know this wonderful man who genuinely is a nice, genuine, naughty single man! Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you give every person on here a blue print it will make sorting the wheat from the chaff more difficult for others"

this quote is so true why i dont agree with profile advise let people set themselves as they see themselves

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By *orkshireDrifterMan
over a year ago

Nafferton, nr Driffield.

A very thoughtful and balanced post.

Please don't take this the wrong way but it is remarkably like the sort of HR advice given to potential job applicants....

Not an inapropriate comparison I suppose.

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By *xxLandNxxxCouple
over a year ago

Nuneaton

Great post

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well I suppose you could see it like an application process. Your profile is a bit like your CV. If your CV was poorly laid out or poorly worded, you wouldn’t get invited for an interview, apply that to here and it’s the same premise!!

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By *he_massangerMan
over a year ago

Stornoway

It's terrible that this had to be said, but it sure does. Your post serves as an excellent guide to those with shortcomings in basic etiquette and you've you've presented this information with considerable patience and kindness that'll no doubt go unappreciated by a sizeable portion of those it's meant to help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A very thoughtful and balanced post.

Please don't take this the wrong way but it is remarkably like the sort of HR advice given to potential job applicants....

Not an inapropriate comparison I suppose."

They don’t call it a blow job, for nothing!

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By *ands solo 300Man
over a year ago

Gibraltar

I have always lived by these rules since joining the site.

My messages very rarely get read it gets frustrating. This site is such a cock fest it's very difficult just to be even noticed.

I don't throw my teddies out of the pram when mugged off I get it but it doesn't make it any less frustrating.

It also feeds the addition Its a vicious circle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have always lived by these rules since joining the site.

My messages very rarely get read it gets frustrating. This site is such a cock fest it's very difficult just to be even noticed.

I don't throw my teddies out of the pram when mugged off I get it but it doesn't make it any less frustrating.

It also feeds the addition Its a vicious circle.

I’d love to help you reword your profile - you don’t need to say it’s a cock fest - we know! I want to know about you and what you like receiving and if you love to please x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I know it can be difficult but just try and stay positive! I would try not to mention a cock fest, or come across as negative! Just highlight the good parts and what you are looking for and it will improve for you! Stay respectful and positive and that will shine through

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Well said op

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A brilliant well written piece, now you can’t cure stupid and not every Tom Dick

and Harry is going to read it, and even if they do, sure they probably think with their willys and will proceed as normal.

Even I will take something from this, bravo good sir!

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By *andare63Man
over a year ago

oldham

Wise words, young sir

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By *olo_89Couple
over a year ago

Kettering

Bravo and well said

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By *oublethefunMan
over a year ago

royston

other things that makes us just want to hit the delete button are 1, when people ask questions that are already answered in the profile 2,always sending messages assuming it's the female online and only addressing it to the fem.

3,asking who it is online, this shouldn't make any difference what so ever.

4, So called bulls wanting to only meet the fem on their own as don't like playing in front of another man.

5, single guys putting on there profile that one of there interests is going to swingers clubs and yet when asked they either don't want to go to one or haven't ever been to one. 6 I'm in your area today so I can meet you. Really!!!!.

7, can you send me a pair of your worn knickers.

8,leave your hubby and marry me as I can give you what you want. 9, asking to chat on kik or other media!!! 10, sending random mobile numbers to us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/01/22 19:59:41]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"other things that makes us just want to hit the delete button are 1, when people ask questions that are already answered in the profile 2,always sending messages assuming it's the female online and only addressing it to the fem.

3,asking who it is online, this shouldn't make any difference what so ever.

4, So called bulls wanting to only meet the fem on their own as don't like playing in front of another man.

7, can you send me a pair of your worn knickers.

8,leave your hubby and marry me as I can give you what you want. 9, asking to chat on kik or other media!!! 10, sending random mobile numbers to us"

- agree with all but no.3! I’d like to know if I’m speaking to Mr or Mrs as you’re individuals, too.

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By *174Man
over a year ago

Brighton

Great Post

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By *lpha-and-FoxtrotCouple
over a year ago

Kettering

If this could be communicated through pics that could help. Lots of guys don't get past the photos

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/01/22 22:32:08]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bookmarking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If this could be communicated through pics that could help. Lots of guys don't get past the photos

Subtitles haha

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Great job. Thev only thing I would add is if guys put up a selfie then SMILE. You pics are great for this OP. So many guys look mean in their pics.

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By *lpha-and-FoxtrotCouple
over a year ago

Kettering

"If this could be communicated through pics that could help. Lots of guys don't get past the photos

Subtitles haha"

That would still require some reading

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If this could be communicated through pics that could help. Lots of guys don't get past the photos

Subtitles haha

That would still require some reading

Maybe we should do a video on the dos and don’ts on fab and make new members watch the full thing, before they get to see some porn at the end

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By *inkerfun85Couple
over a year ago

York

Great Post wish all single guys took your advice xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That would definitely make for some interesting viewing!!

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Great job. Thev only thing I would add is if guys put up a selfie then SMILE. You pics are great for this OP. So many guys look mean in their pics."

That's an interesting observation. I don't smile all the time in mine as I'm quite self-conscious of my smile. We never quite realise what others see that we don't. Might be something I need to consider.

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By *un beforeMan
over a year ago

london colney

well writen , but unless they , couples want you , they think we scum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well said OP, very eloquently put!

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

"It’s really not difficult for single guys on here..

Try telling that to the the ones who moan on the forums because they don't get reply lol.

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By *wingsnroundabouts82Couple
over a year ago

Fucksville

This should be a "pinned post" if it was a possibility

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I don't disagree with anything in the op.

However as others have said, only a small percentage of members use the forums and many of those won't see their reflection in this thread and therefore as far as they are concerned it doesn't apply to them.

Others may read it and take offence at someone telling them what they should be doing because they already know better.

Some will skim, picking out a few ideas and adjust their approach accordingly and a few may well read it all the way through and take notes.

Unfortunately the nature of the beast is that very few if any amendments will stick or be more than a temporary improvement.

My most used forum word is "consistency" which applies to effort made in pics, bio, messages and forum engagement but that also requires patience.

Boxticking profiles that are built on a foundation of other people's suggestions will fall down under scrutiny.

There's virtually no point advising someone to act in a particular way if they are naturally inclined to do the complete opposite. Their true nature will always win out as soon as they fail to clear the first hurdle.

It's why I refuse to give advice on rate my profile threads because the initial image they have created is always the most honest.

I accept that some people may well be better at articulating themselves in person than they are in text but if they are playing a role or trying to be something or someone other than themselves they won't be able to sustain that very long.

Well done op for the effort put into this thread. It says a lot about your own approach but the cynical me feels it will fall on deaf ears.

As an aside, large parts of your post could also apply to women and couples, some of whom need a blueprint to speaking to people in general.

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"It’s really not difficult for single guys on here..

Try telling that to the the ones who moan on the forums because they don't get reply lol."

Not strictly fair. No doubt there are a few guys who do get regular replies, however there are many who don't it's clear (and I'm discounting those who send one word or one line messages - and those who are unpleasant), but even with the best will in the world it's extremely rare to get replies for many. Not something I get hung up about personally as I rarely bother sending messages any more and stick to those fabulous people I already know - and I'm very philosophical about it. There are however (and it's all over the forums all the time) several massive facts:

A) Women and couples are often bombarded with rudeness and effortless messages, totally undeserving of reply, even if you did have the time to answer them all.

B) Many men get an empty inbox pretty much all year. (I've had one message in the last 18 months as an example) and the numbers game is a factor too I'm sure, moronic messaging notwithstanding.

C) It's always seen as a negative on any man who mentions it, whether they're 'whinging' (and some are, no question) or just looking to improve the way they do things (as others often clearly are). Women on the other hand do tend to get treated with great sympathy, whether deserved or not on the forums. Just an observation, but your 'Lol' could (and probably will) be construed as mocking the good guys who have little luck, as well as those undeserving of any. (Things in print are easy to take two ways).

If guys would only listen to those who (like the OP) know how to get it right and actually get out to clubs and organised socials they'd find a totally different response than simply sending out bulk messages to people who will never reply, but it doesn't mean it isn't tough on here. No doubt it is for many, irrespective of how much effort they put in. These are just simple facts, but they're not going to change, so if fellas genuinely want to be successful they need to heed the advice, grab their balls with one hand and their car keys with the other and get out there.

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I don't disagree with anything in the op.