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A cautionary tale for those who play away...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Two years ago i met a guy off another site, he claimed to be single and we started to see eachother every so often. He told me his ex girlfreind still lived in a house he owned, i thought he was just a generous guy!

I havent seen him for a couple of months. And so was very suprised to get a text from him telling me his wife was divorcing him, trying to take him to the cleaners, and that she found an old text on his fone from me.

Having got over the shock of finding out ive been carrying on with some poor woman's husband. I now have her ringing and texting me demanding to know who the hell i am. And i have the rat bag hubby pleading with me to deny all knowledge of him! None of this is my mess, and i dont want to be caught up in a nasty divorce case.

So, any married man , or woman, who thinks swinging on the side is harmless fun, beware! This bloke has been caught out by a year old text which he stupidly saved on his mobile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wow, sorry to hear you getting that hassle... great advice tho x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you know what id tell her who you was, not only that id tell he you was engaged for 6 months and had been looking to buy a house together, tell her you was gutted to find out he was married as you feel like you have been cheated on too!! get the fecker in as much shit as possible, why should you lie for him! im a nasty cow if crossed and i really would do that lol

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By *imfromGlasgowMan
over a year ago

er...guess


"........He told me his ex girlfreind still lived in a house he owned, i thought he was just a generous guy!

................."

It's round about this point when my suspicions would have been aroused.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All the more important for attached males and females to admit to it so to at least let the other parties make an informed choice as to play or not.

When I was with my ex wife, I had a fling with a lassy from Bonnyrigg in Lothian. When my ex found out (I told her, had to come clean) she sent about 30 or 40 quite nasty texts to her mobile.

Only to find out after 2 or 3 hours that she had taken the number down wrong and been sending some poor innocent guy these nasty texts, oooops and lol

Steve

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"........He told me his ex girlfreind still lived in a house he owned, i thought he was just a generous guy!

.................

It's round about this point when my suspicions would have been aroused."
Sadly i was still rather naive back then. And she was never mentioned again , and as he used to stay overnight i was never suspicious.

The whole thing bothers me because it feels like my secret swingy life is invading my everyday life, if that makes sense?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldnt blame yourself in any way really and the crossover of swing life/real life has only come because the guy fed you a line when he was really doing the dirty on his missus.

I guess if you take anything out of it maybe it would be to check people out as thoroughly as poss and be a bit more skeptical.

I'd be honest if asked about how you knew him. You dont owe him anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"........He told me his ex girlfreind still lived in a house he owned, i thought he was just a generous guy!

.................

It's round about this point when my suspicions would have been aroused. Sadly i was still rather naive back then. And she was never mentioned again , and as he used to stay overnight i was never suspicious.

The whole thing bothers me because it feels like my secret swingy life is invading my everyday life, if that makes sense?"

i dont think that makes you naive, if people own more than one property they usually rent them out so why not to an ex? its just buisness after all, if he said they was still living in same house id have been wondering why lol

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By *abeandhimCouple
over a year ago

Chester

Awww hun, you should give meeting a couple a try, they can be great friends and at least you would no the truth about the male for when you feeling that sexy moment coming on.

have fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there done that and wore the t-shirt as they say, tell her the truth, you owe him nothing, i did, not only did i tell her i wasn't a d*unken one night stand that he'd regretted and forgotten about, but told her it was a actually a threesome we'd had with my husband, that happened more than once after meeting him on a swingers website

Had the cheek to text himself beforehand and ask to go along with his story and cover for him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Been there done that and wore the t-shirt as they say, tell her the truth, you owe him nothing, i did, not only did i tell her i wasn't a d*unken one night stand that he'd regretted and forgotten about, but told her it was a actually a threesome we'd had with my husband, that happened more than once after meeting him on a swingers website

"

I agree, good advice..... tell her x

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"........He told me his ex girlfreind still lived in a house he owned, i thought he was just a generous guy!

.................

It's round about this point when my suspicions would have been aroused."

I went out with a guy that still shared a house with his ex and a few that rent houses out to there ex's. All i know are above board.

To the op hes a scumbag and i dont think you should lie for him. I think you should explain to his wife the full story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's been pretty well reported over recent years that mobiles, and their associated bills, are regularly the downfall of those 'playing away'.

Closely followed by unsecured e-mail systems.

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By *jandmcCouple
over a year ago

Lancs

You know what? You did nothing wrong.

You were'nt niaeve in the slightest, you were mislead. Theres a big difference. You entered into a relationship of sorts with this man, based on what he told you. But as other messages have suggested, tell her the truth. You did nothing wrong and please dont feel bad about it or the lifestyle you choose to enjoy..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear that this is still raising its ugly head.

We play and sometimes we play separately. But always open and upfront.

I emailed you, but not trying to be a single male.

Talk to me if you wish. Always there to chat to.

Alan

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thankyou for all the really supportive posts. She text me last night and said 'someone' had given him an STD , considering i havent seen him for over 3 months i dont think she can pin that on me !

He now says she knows he met me on this site ( from the text i believe) , and that she is trying to find me on here, he asked me to delete my profile, but why should i? And she has no further details of me anyway.

Sorry if all this is getting boring, ill shut up now lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

noooooo carry on ,,, i aint got a telly ,,, and now i know why ,,, this is far more interesting xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i would tell her that it is nothing to do with her and politely fuck off as for her searching for you on here good luck to her

1 she has to prove it is you

2 any harassment or stress caused by her action would come under the term cyperstalking

i doubt anyway that she would put all her effort into causing you any trouble where she can "take him to the cleaners"

the other option is to ignore her and wait for her to go away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thankyou for all the really supportive posts. She text me last night and said 'someone' had given him an STD , considering i havent seen him for over 3 months i dont think she can pin that on me !

He now says she knows he met me on this site ( from the text i believe) , and that she is trying to find me on here, he asked me to delete my profile, but why should i? And she has no further details of me anyway.

Sorry if all this is getting boring, ill shut up now lol"

she just lashing out at you with the STD story....totally made up I bet, she should focus more on him, not you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thankyou for all the really supportive posts. She text me last night and said 'someone' had given him an STD , considering i havent seen him for over 3 months i dont think she can pin that on me !

He now says she knows he met me on this site ( from the text i believe) , and that she is trying to find me on here, he asked me to delete my profile, but why should i? And she has no further details of me anyway.

Sorry if all this is getting boring, ill shut up now lol"

Why should you be sorry or not warn us all about him cos I for one do not want someones partner phoning me and demanding to know who I am!!

I do what I do because I enjoy it and if my hubby said ok no more I would delete the profile without a second thought why cos we DONT CHEAT we swing!!

Why should you be getting some mad wife calling or txting you?? YOU did NOTHING wrong he did!

Hold your head up and say to hell with him tell her the whole truth and let him swing (lol by the neck or wallet whichever she chooses) cos he made his bed now he got to lie in it and deal with the mess of his marrage HE made.

IF she does come on here and finds you and starts hounding you here please please tell admin and keep all emails from her to prove to admin what is going on.

Shona

x x x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a similar story before my swinging life, when I still believed in 'dating' sites - met a guy, all going very well regular meets, then all of a sudden I get a message on Facebook saying she is his long term girlfriend etc etc.

I got her number called her and told her the total truth, apologised and said I would never have entertained him if I had known he was attached, she and I are still in touch now. She is happily married (to another guy I hasten to add) and often introduces me as the friend who saved her from making the biggest mistake in her life.

The truth is ALWAYS the best policy - but on the other hand to the OP - if she is giving you shit - throw it straight back she has no right to blame you at all...................

xx xx

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus


"I had a similar story before my swinging life, when I still believed in 'dating' sites - met a guy, all going very well regular meets, then all of a sudden I get a message on Facebook saying she is his long term girlfriend etc etc.

I got her number called her and told her the total truth, apologised and said I would never have entertained him if I had known he was attached, she and I are still in touch now. She is happily married (to another guy I hasten to add) and often introduces me as the friend who saved her from making the biggest mistake in her life.

The truth is ALWAYS the best policy - but on the other hand to the OP - if she is giving you shit - throw it straight back she has no right to blame you at all...................

xx xx"

I'd ring her, tell he the truth and offer to help her 'take him to the cleaners'

You owe him nothing but the solidarity of the sisterhood will never die!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had a similar story before my swinging life, when I still believed in 'dating' sites - met a guy, all going very well regular meets, then all of a sudden I get a message on Facebook saying she is his long term girlfriend etc etc.

I got her number called her and told her the total truth, apologised and said I would never have entertained him if I had known he was attached, she and I are still in touch now. She is happily married (to another guy I hasten to add) and often introduces me as the friend who saved her from making the biggest mistake in her life.

The truth is ALWAYS the best policy - but on the other hand to the OP - if she is giving you shit - throw it straight back she has no right to blame you at all...................

xx xx

I'd ring her, tell he the truth and offer to help her 'take him to the cleaners'

You owe him nothing but the solidarity of the sisterhood will never die!"

Well she did want me to plan the next meeting with him and then have him walk in and find us both sitting there having a drink, but distance and time made that impossible - would have loved to have seen the look on his face though lol xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I chatted with this gent recently, and had a good rapport with him.

He is deaf and has 2 types of cancers, and is buying time.

I liked his online persona, and agreed to have a session with him the night before he was due to have his prostate and testicles removed. So it would be his last time.

No comment about the session as I do not kiss and tell, except to say he is not the kind of person I find physically attractive. So one could say it was a mercy fuck.

After his surgery, he contacted me again, informing me that they left his testicles and only took out the prostate, and that he may still be able to have sex etc., and asked if I would continue to see him.

I said yes initially as there are many things we can still do to each other.

Then he dropped the bombshell - he is in a long time relationship. However, she does not live with him, and they get together every weekend etc...

Since I have been very explicit in my profile stating my preference not to get involved with married men or anyone in a serious relationship, I felt he had deliberately withheld vital information in order to get me to shag him.

He had the cheek to e-mail me to say hearing about what I get up to with other men will not do anything to him, and that we should not see each other again!

So I curtly replied I felt he deliberately misled me by misholding information etc., and was not happy about continuing to see him. I have not heard from him again.

I believe I have done whatever I can to avoid married men or those in a serious/long term relationship.

I only have the information presented to me in order to make the neccessary assessment about the suitability of a gentleman.

If people deliberately want to lie to me, or to misled me, then it is easily done, as I am a very gullible person, in the sense that I am very trusting.

Perhaps I should be more vary and cynical. However, it is not in my nature, and I shall continue to make mistakes I am sure!

Back to the OP, I am sorry you got dragged into such an unpleasant situation. If the said gent informed you he had NSA, then you only had his words to go by. You weren't to know he was lying!

Hopefully, the dust will settle for you soon! Take care!

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By *xdirtyboyxxMan
over a year ago

chorley


"Thankyou for all the really supportive posts. She text me last night and said 'someone' had given him an STD , considering i havent seen him for over 3 months i dont think she can pin that on me !

He now says she knows he met me on this site ( from the text i believe) , and that she is trying to find me on here, he asked me to delete my profile, but why should i? And she has no further details of me anyway.

Sorry if all this is getting boring, ill shut up now lol"

Hi.Id tell her everything,Then get intouch with your mobile provider and get her number blocked from your phone.

You did nothing wrong so let the rat pay for what hes done.Good luck

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden


"........He told me his ex girlfreind still lived in a house he owned, i thought he was just a generous guy!

.................

It's round about this point when my suspicions would have been aroused."

What would you be doing with a married guy!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I agree with the majority that have already posted in that you wer'nt naive just mislead,If it was me I would stop all contact with both of them and try and forget the whole sorry episode ever happened

You have done nothing wrong and I hope you don't let the situation ruin your swinging life xxx

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By *oshuaMan
over a year ago

Great Sankey

Don't let it bother you one bit. As long as she doesn't know where you live she cannot invade your safe zone. Apart from a few nasty texts (which you can block),feeling a little stupid etc...you will learn from it, move on and be a lot wiser. After all,its his lies have come around and kicked him and will pay for it in the long run for a long time. Keep smiling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been on the receiving end of abusive texts and fone calls twice , yes i was duped by 2 guys,

but the funny thing is, both were off the fishy site, which we all know is a dating site, and both had pics on there in full view, but thankfully i hadnt had sex with any of them, but that didnt stop their wives giving me shit, and u know wot, i gave it back, why should i take the shit cuz their hubbys are on dating sites. one wanted to meet me and rip my head off, so i said tell me where ya wanna meet,

they soon got tired of calling and texting, cuz i wasnt being the one in the wrong , cuz i did nothing wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, I had just the same - a "married and cheating" guy who swore to me that he was single, but who didn't bother to password protect his profile on here/msn, and stupidly left his laptop where his wife could access it. Of course she accessed his accounts, and started mailing me, threatening to cite me in their divorce, and telling me 'I hope you're proud of splitting up a family with 6 children, you have made them so miserable' etc etc etc. I felt like a naive numpty for a while, but at the end of the day, it was HIM who lied, HIM who betrayed his wife and children, not me. I don't have anything to blame myself for, and nor do you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ive had in the pass few calls from a fem

asking who i was an were i was from

i just said glasgow why..she said she

found my num on her hubbys fone as i

told her..i was soz but if i had met

her hubby it was cause were ever i

met him from it was cause he was ment

2 be single an not her from her again

but at this point in time im chatting 2

a guy who funny enuff is saying the

same..he shares his house with his

ex as he finding it hard 2 sell the

house an stood me up tue ngt

well well eh lol bull shitter

im thinking mite need 2 get my

boots on an bust his balls lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a similar experience, met a guy through work about 5 years ago and always stayed in touch seeing each other as and when. About 6 months ago I got a call asking who I was, which I duly said, she then started going absolutely off it with me to which I said some choice words and hung up. It turned out it was his "mad ex" who like you had found my number in his phone. She then to my amusement sent a text saying that she was having my number checked online to find out my address and was coming round lol. A quick call to the guy involved informing him to tell her to back off or I would have the Police involved for harrassment did the trick. They are now suprise suprise seperated and he is as free as a bird

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agree with all the messages saying tell her. You owe nothing at all whatsoever to this fool , tell the wife the circumstances in which you met , tell her to leave you alone or you will report her for harrasment then block and ignore till she gets bored and goes away.I have to say I have always been astaunded by the number of women who will go off on one at the 'other woman' , it's like; the relationship is between you and your man and HE's the one who's lied to you , so perhaps direct your venom towards HIM! it's not exactly rocket science !

I do hope she buggers off and leaves you alone x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thankyou all for the advice and support. Thankfully its all gone quiet from her. The guy has text me saying '' ill take you out for a drink when all this is over!' But i havent bothered to reply. And im NOT going to delete my profile or change my name on here , cos i like being Rubberdolly and i can do as i damn well like lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

go go Rubberdolly!!! a girly after me own heart!

(my favourite saying that by the way) so like you, we both can do what we like lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

abusive texts and or e-mails are against the law and you can take action against the person sending them.

For what ever reason he has for seeing another person for fun he should not have lied to you or led you on.

Yes I am married and yes 1 or 2 peeps on this thread have made comments before some quite aggressive LoL but that's their problem! but hey that's life.

We all have our own reasons for being here and not everyone will agree with them but there is never any reason to lie about your relationship status.

I have and never will lie about being married and on here As I have been told many times now by my othere half to go do what I want LoL

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hear hear, gclife.

Sadly there are some on here so biggotted and judgemental that you might as well talk to the wall.

Bat as you rightly say, that's their problem not yours or mine!!

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