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Open relationships and jealousy.

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By *viatrix OP   Woman
over a year ago

Redhill

I am interested in hearing from people who are in open relationships... do you ever, ever feel jealousy about your partner spending time (in a sexual or otherwise way) with someone else?

If you do- how do you deal with it?

How do you divide your time between your primary relationship and others?

Thank you in advance for any insight you can give me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am interested in hearing from people who are in open relationships... do you ever, ever feel jealousy about your partner spending time (in a sexual or otherwise way) with someone else?

If you do- how do you deal with it?

How do you divide your time between your primary relationship and others?

Thank you in advance for any insight you can give me. "

We have been together nearly 24 years, so if the other half is meeting someone, we both get excited about each other enjoying the sex and have great sex afterwards.

Jealousy just doesnt come into it, as we both trust each other implicitly and like each other to have fun .

If by any chance I do think a little like that I think about it from my partners point of view and she would be really happy for me to go out and enjoy myself

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By *sforfabfunCouple
over a year ago

Tonbridge

Male half replying here... I have found over the years that jealousy only starts to creep in when I wasn’t sure of or was uncertain as to what my wife was doing without me there. Every time she has a meet when I’m not present she tells me everything in the finest detail what went on how she felt/enjoyed it etc. I know I can ask any question and get an entirely honest answer. This not only alleviates any jealous emotions or uncertain feelings I have but we both find it incredibly horny talking it through. Even to the point that this profile has been set up primarily for my wife and her male friend to have fun but all three of us have access, that way everything is totally transparent, we all know where we are and what’s going on and above all we all have the upmost fun. Trust is key

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Male half replying here... I have found over the years that jealousy only starts to creep in when I wasn’t sure of or was uncertain as to what my wife was doing without me there. Every time she has a meet when I’m not present she tells me everything in the finest detail what went on how she felt/enjoyed it etc. I know I can ask any question and get an entirely honest answer. This not only alleviates any jealous emotions or uncertain feelings I have but we both find it incredibly horny talking it through. Even to the point that this profile has been set up primarily for my wife and her male friend to have fun but all three of us have access, that way everything is totally transparent, we all know where we are and what’s going on and above all we all have the upmost fun. Trust is key "

Sounds amazing.. have fun guys

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By *heEvilWithinWoman
over a year ago

Barnsley

I've been with my partner for 10 years almost 11 and he can't have sex due to an accident he had when he was 5. So we always knew me sleeping with others was on the cards because we've known each other for 16 years.

But most relationships (open or not) fail due to communication breakdown. So if you are looking into getting with someone in an open environment

1) you have to be secure in your relationship

2)communicate - this is the most important thing

3) honesty

People like to say they're in an open relationship because it's something different but I have experienced with couples jealousy and I don't believe those people should do it. A lot of people like the idea of it but practically it doesn't work for them.

We've never had an issue with jealousy other than once when someone made up stuff that hadn't happened. But it was quickly resolved with a conversation.

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By *heEvilWithinWoman
over a year ago

Barnsley

Sorry I did not answer about the time factor. The primary (in a poly relationship, which is different to an open relationship) would be the main person you spent your time with. They come first and they make the rules. It's all about balance really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jealousy is not as clear cut as most reactive emotions. It took a long time for me to pin down what actually triggered jealousy in me. Sometimes I wouldn't feel any and then the next time I was triggered extremely quickly at what seemed like the most mundane things.

After many years I've come to see it as a triggered for a lack of communication or a situation where I feel my partner appears to be giving someone else something they know I have asked for and they continue to deny me.

A very basic example might be a partner who actively refuses to use their mouth on me but offers no resistance to another's cock.

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By *atinocoupleCouple
over a year ago

SF, NY, London (in that order)

Open honest communication, transparency.

Oh and a few photos being shared helps

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By *viatrix OP   Woman
over a year ago

Redhill

Thank you everyone for your answers...very interesting and I’m enjoying reading them. Keep them coming.

I don’t know if I could go ahead with an open relationship- I am a naturally jealous person, even in vanilla same-sex friendships! But I am learning, and all this is a journey of discovery...

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I’ve messaged you OP but to summarise. Honestly and communication is key.

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

I would love to participate in an open relationship...... I am single, love the thought of a shared girlfriend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For us honesty is also key. He is happy for me to have fun outside of our relationship. We have a rule that it is exclusively through here or clubs. I did meet someone outside of those boundaries and it caused problems as he considered that cheating. Looking g back I've learnt to understand that feeling and all is working fine. Time wise he is always my priority and if he is uncomfortable about it at any time it stops instantly

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By *oft_SensualTV/TS
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Open relationships- often the subject of intense and unremitting bullshit and self entitlement. My ex tried to involve a third party in our marriage - when this didn't go to her plan she decided to cheat with him anyway. Fetish scene justifications for dishonesty and betrayal are rife, if you can make it work, much kudos, in my limited experience however, these seem to be the preserve of control freaks who want to foist their infidelity on you without the psychological hang ups.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being single I am in a relationship every time I commit myself to a fuck. Whether it lasts or not that is up to us. I don't sleep around, safe sex only, I don't want a full on tied down relationship.

I kind of blot out attachment and feelings and just have sex when I want it. Its much easier than being attached and having an open lifestyle so I can fuck when it's good for both parties. Life gets in the way at times though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Open relationships- often the subject of intense and unremitting bullshit and self entitlement. My ex tried to involve a third party in our marriage - when this didn't go to her plan she decided to cheat with him anyway. Fetish scene justifications for dishonesty and betrayal are rife, if you can make it work, much kudos, in my limited experience however, these seem to be the preserve of control freaks who want to foist their infidelity on you without the psychological hang ups."

Not for me.

He controlled me.

Martiage, he forced me to have sex.

Another grown man was also controlling me, sex was off the cards because he was too d*unk all the time.. He cheated on me.

Sling your hook.

Open relationships mean we can please ourselves without the partner us singletons. Otherwise why would I be here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not foisting my infidelity on anyone. My partner and I are happy with the way things are. We have a very healthy sex life and I get extra sex when I want it in a way we are both secure about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm certainly neither controlling nor being controlled

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By *dsrcoupleCouple
over a year ago

Bradford


"I've been with my partner for 10 years almost 11 and he can't have sex due to an accident he had when he was 5. So we always knew me sleeping with others was on the cards because we've known each other for 16 years.

But most relationships (open or not) fail due to communication breakdown. So if you are looking into getting with someone in an open environment

1) you have to be secure in your relationship

2)communicate - this is the most important thing

3) honesty

People like to say they're in an open relationship because it's something different but I have experienced with couples jealousy and I don't believe those people should do it. A lot of people like the idea of it but practically it doesn't work for them.

We've never had an issue with jealousy other than once when someone made up stuff that hadn't happened. But it was quickly resolved with a conversation. "
unrelated to this on this topic of your fella, obviously I don't know what happened to him but I'm going to assume there's an issue with his penis, don't know if you've seen it, but if you haven't, look up a story of a man who had an accident when he was young and has recently been able to have surgery to fit a bionic penis, just some food for thought, though I imagine if your fellas issue is anything similar you probably will have

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By *eviantdeeliteCouple
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"Sorry I did not answer about the time factor. The primary (in a poly relationship, which is different to an open relationship) would be the main person you spent your time with. They come first and they make the rules. It's all about balance really "

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By *oft_SensualTV/TS
over a year ago

Yorkshire

As stated, 'open' relationships- subject of much bullshit, fucking isn't a relationship if it's for convenience!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are some great facebook groups, I'd recommend loving without boundaries, they have a list of books and members share their stories and advice x

I believe jealousy comes from fomo and fear of losing what we love, it's mostly a fear based reaction and is totally normal reaction to threat. Due to social convention probably brought about by Christian religions, monogamy is the norm we are brought up with. It's hard to shift out of that mindset and I'm not sure if it's natural to me, it's something always up for discussion though, honesty and communication are key. Good luck x

J

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By *heIcebreakersCouple
over a year ago

Cramlington


"I am interested in hearing from people who are in open relationships... do you ever, ever feel jealousy about your partner spending time (in a sexual or otherwise way) with someone else?

If you do- how do you deal with it?

How do you divide your time between your primary relationship and others?

Thank you in advance for any insight you can give me. "

I think the most useful insight from the world of consensual non monogamy is that you aren't failing if you are jealous, it's a natural human emotion. However we have to own our jealousy and deal with it ourselves, rather than expecting our partners to. They may, if they want to, talk about what relationship dynamics work for both of you, and possibly make changes - but it isn't someone else's job to "fix" our jealousy

Hope that helps

Ms Icebreaker

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By *lack UhuruMan
over a year ago

Leeds


"I am interested in hearing from people who are in open relationships... do you ever, ever feel jealousy about your partner spending time (in a sexual or otherwise way) with someone else?

If you do- how do you deal with it?

How do you divide your time between your primary relationship and others?

Thank you in advance for any insight you can give me. "

I find jealousy comes from insecurity. So it's best to talk about any and all insecurities you or your partner might have. Also be honest with each other and discuss boundaries. After a meet/play/social have a full and honest discussion. What you liked or didn't like, what worked what didn't work. Talk about what you both want as a couple from swinging. Review and talk about things and most importantly don't take one for the team (something a lot of women do).

The most important thing is to be honest and not put any jealousy or insecurities on each. It could ruin your swinging experience (which our is meant to be fun for both parties) and/or your relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bookmarking this interesting thread.

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By *ust_A_Tease_To_PleaseWoman
over a year ago

South Wales: Newport, Chepstow

My partner and I are polyamorus. We love each other very much and encourage each other to find others but that doesn't stop envy or jealously.

We have made adjustments, slowed down, and listened to each other. Communication is so important.

I found the books More Than Two and the Ethical Slut to be really helpful.

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