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Becoming a mistress...

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By *hiteroseredrose OP   Woman
over a year ago

Huddersfield

How does one become a mistress...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How does one become a mistress..."

I’ve always wanted to try having a mistress just a thing to check off of trying wouldn’t say no to you being my mistress at all haha x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How does one become a mistress..."

I think the right mentality, the desire ( like in anything ) transcends that of actual 'training' etc. Just my personal opinion, of course. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was going to say you should have watched The Sex Business the other night but you did! Very interesting programme. Mistress Sofia was on First Dates last year, she came across as a lovely lady

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By *hiteroseredrose OP   Woman
over a year ago

Huddersfield

She was amazing!!

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly


"How does one become a mistress..."

Go to fetish events, get to know people and learn what you need to according to what you want to do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest, all those ladies came across very well. Fair play to them. Didn't she say she had a website, maybe you could send her a message?

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By *attooedBBWWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"How does one become a mistress..."

In the BDSM sense or the cheating husband sense?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How does one become a mistress..."

You can become my mistrea

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By *hiteroseredrose OP   Woman
over a year ago

Huddersfield

The BDSM way, but not for sex, the power is the turn on, helping people find their kinks too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The BDSM way, but not for sex, the power is the turn on, helping people find their kinks too"

You could be my mistress anyway you wanted to be

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By *attooedBBWWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"The BDSM way, but not for sex, the power is the turn on, helping people find their kinks too"

Best way is to learn your trade, and I mean learn the art of control and how people tick. I learned a lot about being Domme through being a sub to some amazing Dom’s and playing with Domme’s as part of training.

Depending on your experience I’d say get yourself befriending some experienced Dom(me)s

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By *ucky88oMan
over a year ago

london


"The BDSM way, but not for sex, the power is the turn on, helping people find their kinks too

Best way is to learn your trade, and I mean learn the art of control and how people tick. I learned a lot about being Domme through being a sub to some amazing Dom’s and playing with Domme’s as part of training.

Depending on your experience I’d say get yourself befriending some experienced Dom(me)s

"

Very good advice i would say getting to know some experienced subs could be benifical too

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By *erterjonesMan
over a year ago

Warrington


"How does one become a mistress...

Go to fetish events, get to know people and learn what you need to according to what you want to do "

I agree with this.

IMHO the best fair is in Birmingham.

If your do a google search for

birmingham bizarre bazaar

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its more than a Title its a responsability

There have beem many writings about advice for newbies amd labeling etc. I have done one or two myself but i have been mulling something over in my head the last few days about the other side to labeling yourself in this lifestyle when you are new.

We have all seen the posts "hi i am ........... I have just joined the scene and I am a Daddy/Dom/Domme/master/mistress etc and i am looking for a babygirl/sub etc"

I think people seem to forget that its more than just a label, when you stand up and be counted as Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme etc you are saying to the kink world

"i can keep you safe"

" Ican deal with the emotional bonding that takes place"

" I can play without causing lasting damage"

" I can deal with the aftercare needs physically and emotionally"

" I can walk in your mind without damaging it'

To name a few

I worry sometimes that people seem to forget having a dominant personality does not make you a Dom/Domme etc. Without the knowledge you still just a dominant character.

Imagine this, you get on an airplane and the pilot comes over the speaker and says "hi i am you pilot today, i love planes and will be learning to fly properly sometime in the future"

Or your in hospital and the dr comes up to you and say " hi i am your Dr, i have not been to medical school but i have always felt thats what I was"

I am hoping you would all run a mile and not let them near you.

You can not call yourself a dr or a pilot until you are fully trained and able to keep those entrusted to you safe.

So to newbies i would like to say think of what the label you give yourself portrays to others, i know there is not a bdsm school out there but get involved in the local community and learn, and when you have the skills and knowledge required to back up the label you feel sums up who you are then wear it with pride.

MT

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"Its more than a Title its a responsability

There have beem many writings about advice for newbies amd labeling etc. I have done one or two myself but i have been mulling something over in my head the last few days about the other side to labeling yourself in this lifestyle when you are new.

We have all seen the posts "hi i am ........... I have just joined the scene and I am a Daddy/Dom/Domme/master/mistress etc and i am looking for a babygirl/sub etc"

I think people seem to forget that its more than just a label, when you stand up and be counted as Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme etc you are saying to the kink world

"i can keep you safe"

" Ican deal with the emotional bonding that takes place"

" I can play without causing lasting damage"

" I can deal with the aftercare needs physically and emotionally"

" I can walk in your mind without damaging it'

To name a few

I worry sometimes that people seem to forget having a dominant personality does not make you a Dom/Domme etc. Without the knowledge you still just a dominant character.

Imagine this, you get on an airplane and the pilot comes over the speaker and says "hi i am you pilot today, i love planes and will be learning to fly properly sometime in the future"

Or your in hospital and the dr comes up to you and say " hi i am your Dr, i have not been to medical school but i have always felt thats what I was"

I am hoping you would all run a mile and not let them near you.

You can not call yourself a dr or a pilot until you are fully trained and able to keep those entrusted to you safe.

So to newbies i would like to say think of what the label you give yourself portrays to others, i know there is not a bdsm school out there but get involved in the local community and learn, and when you have the skills and knowledge required to back up the label you feel sums up who you are then wear it with pride.

MT"

Well said. Absolutely.

I can spot the wannabes within the first few messages;). But on here, I don't mind if they're not experienced in kink. I go elsewhere for that....

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By *orticiaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral


"Its more than a Title its a responsability

There have beem many writings about advice for newbies amd labeling etc. I have done one or two myself but i have been mulling something over in my head the last few days about the other side to labeling yourself in this lifestyle when you are new.

We have all seen the posts "hi i am ........... I have just joined the scene and I am a Daddy/Dom/Domme/master/mistress etc and i am looking for a babygirl/sub etc"

I think people seem to forget that its more than just a label, when you stand up and be counted as Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme etc you are saying to the kink world

"i can keep you safe"

" Ican deal with the emotional bonding that takes place"

" I can play without causing lasting damage"

" I can deal with the aftercare needs physically and emotionally"

" I can walk in your mind without damaging it'

To name a few

I worry sometimes that people seem to forget having a dominant personality does not make you a Dom/Domme etc. Without the knowledge you still just a dominant character.

Imagine this, you get on an airplane and the pilot comes over the speaker and says "hi i am you pilot today, i love planes and will be learning to fly properly sometime in the future"

Or your in hospital and the dr comes up to you and say " hi i am your Dr, i have not been to medical school but i have always felt thats what I was"

I am hoping you would all run a mile and not let them near you.

You can not call yourself a dr or a pilot until you are fully trained and able to keep those entrusted to you safe.

So to newbies i would like to say think of what the label you give yourself portrays to others, i know there is not a bdsm school out there but get involved in the local community and learn, and when you have the skills and knowledge required to back up the label you feel sums up who you are then wear it with pride.

MT"

The perfect post!

There are so many ‘50 shades Doms’ in here, it’s worrying & potentially dangerous for those who have no idea other than what they’ve seen on film.

Doing it properly requires effort & learning the right skills.

Local munches, the BBB & any fetish clubs you can attend will all be a good starting point OP!

Good luck!

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By *hiteroseredrose OP   Woman
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Thank you x I really don’t think I could be a sub or play that role even to learn, but following others sounds like a good idea...now to find one willing to show me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you x I really don’t think I could be a sub or play that role even to learn, but following others sounds like a good idea...now to find one willing to show me!"

That's alot online on a different site for you to read and understand etc.

Feel free to pm if you have any questions MT was in the BDSM lifestyle for over 10 years

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By *hiteroseredrose OP   Woman
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Thank you, that is a perfect answer and runs along with how I had it in my mind.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you, that is a perfect answer and runs along with how I had it in my mind.x"

You can always learn on me I would be more then willing

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By *hiteroseredrose OP   Woman
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Thank you xx

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By *ister KinkyMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Have you read this book?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Screw-Roses-Send-Thorns-Sadomasochism/dp/0964596008

If not... it’s a highly recommended read. It’s not going to make you a Mistress, but there is a lot of useful information contained within.

I’ve been on the D/s scene for longer than I care to remember and have met some trully great Mistresses and some not so great. My advice would be to attend some BDSM munches local to you and immerse yourself in the scene. Find some people to session with and ultimately find a mentor to assist you in discovering your style of Donination.

BDSM is far more about you personally and the mental connection with a sub, than the number of toys you’ve got in your closet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you xx"

Your welcome any time

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

I suppose all dominants much like all submissives are different, what you want may not be what many dommes want or do; so I can see the advantage of watching and learning, but be true to yourself and do not assume what they do is right.

It may be right for them, but you may find it is not right for you.

I was dominant for many years, sexually anyway, before I found that dominance was not all sexual; I found this by submitting to an experienced but younger femme domme.

now I am a switch 50% dom 50% sub and I love both roles.

I doubt you will find two dominants the same nor two submissives ….

I hope you find someone to play with, try your dominant side and see how things go … good luck in your quest xx

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By *hiteroseredrose OP   Woman
over a year ago

Huddersfield

I will definitely give it a read thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you x I really don’t think I could be a sub or play that role even to learn, but following others sounds like a good idea...now to find one willing to show me!"
at least you have thought about it and done the right thing by asking people rather than jump in blind x you have been sent great advice x good luck to you whatever you decide x

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By *hiteroseredrose OP   Woman
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Oh yes 100% not one person on here wants and needs exactly the same as another. And I definitely want to be me more than I want to be a role, it’s part of me I just want to be able to explore it safely for all concerned x

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

an experienced and serious sub is what you need, someone who wants to enjoy serving you, but also will to have you explore what YOU want as well.

there is a phrase used by some 'topping from the bottom' which sums up the state where a sub is trying to manipulate the dom into doing what they want and not serving his or her dominant in the way the dom wants.

some so called submissives will try to take advantage of your newness (for want of a better phrase) so watch out for them, d/s is for mutual pleasure - but remember you are the boss !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh yes 100% not one person on here wants and needs exactly the same as another. And I definitely want to be me more than I want to be a role, it’s part of me I just want to be able to explore it safely for all concerned x"
you sound very confident and it's natural to want to explore things x im sure you will find a compatible partner good luck x

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By *hiteroseredrose OP   Woman
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you x"
no problem your going about it the right way x

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By *hiteroseredrose OP   Woman
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Yes...I have already had the offers to ‘help’ me which includes them fucking me, which isn’t what I want in this situation, I don’t feel it’s about sex.

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

sex can be involved if that is what both parties want, but I rarely fuck submissives until we have met many times, and would never expect or suggest a domme fucked with me ! (unless of course she ordered me to fuck her - or anyone else).

tease and torment are powerful weapons as you probably already know.

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By *hiteroseredrose OP   Woman
over a year ago

Huddersfield

100% x thank you

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

nice pics too …. thought I would mention that Miss (I am polite too) and I am too old to message you so will resist anymore flattery !

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By *hiteroseredrose OP   Woman
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Hahahaha thank you!

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

my pleasure (or yours Miss) … told you I was polite !

I will leave your thread and you in peace now, it seems I have monopolised it with my rubbish !

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By *arbellsWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

I very very very rarely have sex with submissive men and same as you its 10000% mental stimulation.

I have learnt that listening to experienced submissives and other dom/mes has helped me so much.

I have researched, researched and researched kinks and most importantly safety and aftercare which is crucial. I'm looking at going to a kink festival in August to learn more. May help in your quest!? You seem very switched on so i think youll have loads of fun! Xx

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By *hiteroseredrose OP   Woman
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Sounds like amazing advice!! Definitely up for learning from others experiences and going to events x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sounds like amazing advice!! Definitely up for learning from others experiences and going to events x"
its definitely not all about the sex x its more of a mental thing x i can imagine that you are getting bombarded with mail from lots of guys on here wanting to show you the ropes so to speak lol x try fetlife and research more you sound intelligent and i bet you don't suffer fools gladly good luck with your search xxx Jack

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

is there only me wants to see the OP in leather and high boots ? (okay so I am now dreaming)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How does one become a mistress..."

Find a Mister?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"is there only me wants to see the OP in leather and high boots ? (okay so I am now dreaming) "

Nope your not the only one that wants to see that

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By *hiteroseredrose OP   Woman
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Hahaha now now...

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

well I do have a filthy mind and a wicked imagination Miss hehe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To OP. I am more than happy in helping you find your way as a domme if your happy to help me explore my kinks n sub side x

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly


"Thank you x I really don’t think I could be a sub or play that role even to learn, but following others sounds like a good idea...now to find one willing to show me!"

Huddersfield isn’t too far from Hull. You’d be welcome to shadow me at HU9 where I’m the House Domme. Fet night is 4th Thursday of the month and my Domme profile is NotForSofties. I have 3 planned scenes for this month, 2 impact and 1 rope bondage suspension.

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By *hiteroseredrose OP   Woman
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Wow, I would love that!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How does one become a mistress..."
you're in the right place just watch out for guys asking for advice on how to get their wives into swinging most have been here a year or more and have veris

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By *untimes6969Man
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

The programme opened up quite a few people I suspect. Mental stimulation, trust and mutual respect plus the relevant knowledge - everyone’s expectations are different so communication is key!!

Play nice or maybe not

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By *eriousGuyABCMan
over a year ago

( WEST OF ) Chippenham ish


"Its more than a Title its a responsability

There have beem many writings about advice for newbies amd labeling etc. I have done one or two myself but i have been mulling something over in my head the last few days about the other side to labeling yourself in this lifestyle when you are new.

We have all seen the posts "hi i am ........... I have just joined the scene and I am a Daddy/Dom/Domme/master/mistress etc and i am looking for a babygirl/sub etc"

I think people seem to forget that its more than just a label, when you stand up and be counted as Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme etc you are saying to the kink world

"i can keep you safe"

" Ican deal with the emotional bonding that takes place"

" I can play without causing lasting damage"

" I can deal with the aftercare needs physically and emotionally"

" I can walk in your mind without damaging it'

To name a few

I worry sometimes that people seem to forget having a dominant personality does not make you a Dom/Domme etc. Without the knowledge you still just a dominant character.

Imagine this, you get on an airplane and the pilot comes over the speaker and says "hi i am you pilot today, i love planes and will be learning to fly properly sometime in the future"

Or your in hospital and the dr comes up to you and say " hi i am your Dr, i have not been to medical school but i have always felt thats what I was"

I am hoping you would all run a mile and not let them near you.

You can not call yourself a dr or a pilot until you are fully trained and able to keep those entrusted to you safe.

So to newbies i would like to say think of what the label you give yourself portrays to others, i know there is not a bdsm school out there but get involved in the local community and learn, and when you have the skills and knowledge required to back up the label you feel sums up who you are then wear it with pride.

MT"

Absolutely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wow, I would love that!!"

Go to "bitches unleashed" in Manchester...

I'm into it but won't do it out of a relationship unless it's at an event.

I got abit fed up being messed around by people.

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By *r and mrs 1976Couple
over a year ago

Middle of Somewhere


"Its more than a Title its a responsability

There have beem many writings about advice for newbies amd labeling etc. I have done one or two myself but i have been mulling something over in my head the last few days about the other side to labeling yourself in this lifestyle when you are new.

We have all seen the posts "hi i am ........... I have just joined the scene and I am a Daddy/Dom/Domme/master/mistress etc and i am looking for a babygirl/sub etc"

I think people seem to forget that its more than just a label, when you stand up and be counted as Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme etc you are saying to the kink world

"i can keep you safe"

" Ican deal with the emotional bonding that takes place"

" I can play without causing lasting damage"

" I can deal with the aftercare needs physically and emotionally"

" I can walk in your mind without damaging it'

To name a few

I worry sometimes that people seem to forget having a dominant personality does not make you a Dom/Domme etc. Without the knowledge you still just a dominant character.

Imagine this, you get on an airplane and the pilot comes over the speaker and says "hi i am you pilot today, i love planes and will be learning to fly properly sometime in the future"

Or your in hospital and the dr comes up to you and say " hi i am your Dr, i have not been to medical school but i have always felt thats what I was"

I am hoping you would all run a mile and not let them near you.

You can not call yourself a dr or a pilot until you are fully trained and able to keep those entrusted to you safe.

So to newbies i would like to say think of what the label you give yourself portrays to others, i know there is not a bdsm school out there but get involved in the local community and learn, and when you have the skills and knowledge required to back up the label you feel sums up who you are then wear it with pride.

MT"

Explained perfectly xx

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

Found it boring after a while. My natural choice for a guy is an equal level relationship, so having to command and humiliate just annoyed me in the end.

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La


"Its more than a Title its a responsability

There have beem many writings about advice for newbies amd labeling etc. I have done one or two myself but i have been mulling something over in my head the last few days about the other side to labeling yourself in this lifestyle when you are new.

We have all seen the posts "hi i am ........... I have just joined the scene and I am a Daddy/Dom/Domme/master/mistress etc and i am looking for a babygirl/sub etc"

I think people seem to forget that its more than just a label, when you stand up and be counted as Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme etc you are saying to the kink world

"i can keep you safe"

" Ican deal with the emotional bonding that takes place"

" I can play without causing lasting damage"

" I can deal with the aftercare needs physically and emotionally"

" I can walk in your mind without damaging it'

To name a few

I worry sometimes that people seem to forget having a dominant personality does not make you a Dom/Domme etc. Without the knowledge you still just a dominant character.

Imagine this, you get on an airplane and the pilot comes over the speaker and says "hi i am you pilot today, i love planes and will be learning to fly properly sometime in the future"

Or your in hospital and the dr comes up to you and say " hi i am your Dr, i have not been to medical school but i have always felt thats what I was"

I am hoping you would all run a mile and not let them near you.

You can not call yourself a dr or a pilot until you are fully trained and able to keep those entrusted to you safe.

So to newbies i would like to say think of what the label you give yourself portrays to others, i know there is not a bdsm school out there but get involved in the local community and learn, and when you have the skills and knowledge required to back up the label you feel sums up who you are then wear it with pride.

MT"

Absoluty. I'm a natural born sub...as soon as a guy finds this out it's all...well I'm a dom and would love to tie you up and....there is so much trust that needs to be built and I dont include much of that aspect in my meets at all. That's saved for when I have a dom...which I currently dont as the last one let me down hugely. But when you do find them...i csnt even explain how wonderful it can be....I'm sure you know.

The People who out all over their profile about being a dominante and ropes and spanking are the ones I tend to keep away from. Lots are just "secret abusers" so much more to it than what goes in in the bedroom

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By *osie xWoman
over a year ago

wolverhampton

I’m submissive so can’t really help with the Domme mindset but can tell you the dynamic between Ds is amazing once you find the right sub eventually, very intense but on your part hell of a responsibility

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"Go to "bitches unleashed" in Manchester..."

There are some amazing Mistresses that attend this event and Mistress Buffy Brown is amazingly wonderful. (I have a slight girl crush on her). I'm hoping to attend the next one with the one and only man I've ever wanted to submit to me.

You've had some amazing advice here. Learn, read, research and do all of the homework... It's a scene where you never stop learning, there is always something to understand in a deeper way and new techniques to learn.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Collect slaves online and play with them. Then go to a bdsm club? I prefer wage slaves, bdsm is boring af.

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"bdsm is boring af. "

Then you're doing it wrong.

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La


"bdsm is boring af.

Then you're doing it wrong. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"bdsm is boring af.

Then you're doing it wrong. "

When you eat pizza every day for a year, it becomes boring. I’ll allow you to believe it’s the queens jewels though, I’m sure once you’ve milked it for all its worth: you’ll feel the same.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich


"How does one become a mistress..."

Get between a Master and a mattress.

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"bdsm is boring af.

Then you're doing it wrong.

When you eat pizza every day for a year, it becomes boring. I’ll allow you to believe it’s the queens jewels though, I’m sure once you’ve milked it for all its worth: you’ll feel the same. "

Aw bless your little cotton socks.

I was partaking in BDSM when you were still in primary school.

I was running some of the UK's biggest events before you probably knew what a wank was let alone sex, or bdsm.

Believe me, if you're bored by 28, you've been doing it wrong.

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By *hiny-SinnersCouple
over a year ago

Vale of Glamorgan


"bdsm is boring af.

Then you're doing it wrong.

When you eat pizza every day for a year, it becomes boring. I’ll allow you to believe it’s the queens jewels though, I’m sure once you’ve milked it for all its worth: you’ll feel the same.

Aw bless your little cotton socks.

I was partaking in BDSM when you were still in primary school.

I was running some of the UK's biggest events before you probably knew what a wank was let alone sex, or bdsm.

Believe me, if you're bored by 28, you've been doing it wrong. "

The arrogance of youth.......instant gratification combined with narcissism......good bdsm requires empathy and commitment.......sadly increasingly rare commodities in the self obsessed youth of today. I discovered bdsm 4 years ago when I met Mr S, who has himself been in the scene and enjoying it for the past 30 years, so hardly “boring af”.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"bdsm is boring af.

Then you're doing it wrong.

When you eat pizza every day for a year, it becomes boring. I’ll allow you to believe it’s the queens jewels though, I’m sure once you’ve milked it for all its worth: you’ll feel the same.

Aw bless your little cotton socks.

I was partaking in BDSM when you were still in primary school.

I was running some of the UK's biggest events before you probably knew what a wank was let alone sex, or bdsm.

Believe me, if you're bored by 28, you've been doing it wrong.

The arrogance of youth.......instant gratification combined with narcissism......good bdsm requires empathy and commitment.......sadly increasingly rare commodities in the self obsessed youth of today. I discovered bdsm 4 years ago when I met Mr S, who has himself been in the scene and enjoying it for the past 30 years, so hardly “boring af”."

Very narcissistic of yourself to not allow others their own opinion. To the lady above, I earned more in a year from the sex industry than you’ll likely earn in 20. You’re not me so, simply have no idea why I may find something boring.

Bless your cotton socks. You’re all so grandiose with your feelings of superiority.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *ressed4fun03TV/TS
over a year ago

Midlands

I would happily submit to you.

Serving a lady that I have no chance of ever having sex with is a huge turn on for me.

Having my boundaries pushed and taking punishment is also very rewarding x

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Surely dominance and submission and BDSM are different things to different people, Many Masters and Mistresses like different things to others as do many submissives; surely that is why it is important to find the right dominant or submissive for you !

I can be very submissive, but I am not a pain slut, so a sadistic domme is way more than I want so we are all different.

I think the OP was thinking about ways of exploring what SHE wanted and how to go about that, some comments are likely to be helpful to her, others I feel are not !

Like many things on here we are all different and surely we should celebrate that and accept each others differences and opinions !

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"To the lady above, I earned more in a year from the sex industry than you’ll likely earn in 20. You’re not me so, simply have no idea why I may find something boring.

Bless your cotton socks. You’re all so grandiose with your feelings of superiority.

"

I doubt it. Especially as I've been quite vocal about having been a sex worker at one point in my life.

You were the one who started with the air of superiority, when actually you just sound a bit more like someone who did some stuff they never really liked for money. Which actually I just find a little disheartening. I'm a believer that everyone should have the opportunity to enjoy their work.

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By *andare63Man
over a year ago

oldham

Post an advert in a forum like this sit back , peruse the responses and take your pick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To the lady above, I earned more in a year from the sex industry than you’ll likely earn in 20. You’re not me so, simply have no idea why I may find something boring.

Bless your cotton socks. You’re all so grandiose with your feelings of superiority.

I doubt it. Especially as I've been quite vocal about having been a sex worker at one point in my life.

You were the one who started with the air of superiority, when actually you just sound a bit more like someone who did some stuff they never really liked for money. Which actually I just find a little disheartening. I'm a believer that everyone should have the opportunity to enjoy their work. "

I gave the op advice and gave my personal opinion on bdsm. Just because you enjoy it, doesn’t mean everyone else has to. It has nothing to do with one ‘doing it wrong’.

It’s also very nice knowing that you’re vocal about it. I can be vocal about being a ceo on Wall Street, it doesn’t make it true. There however is a lot of proof on my statement.

Judging by your profile and giddiness towards a rather “ordinary” sexual act, doesn’t jump out to me as someone that’s very experienced. You come across more, trying to appear superior. Which I can assure you, my dear, you are not.

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La


"bdsm is boring af.

Then you're doing it wrong.

When you eat pizza every day for a year, it becomes boring. I’ll allow you to believe it’s the queens jewels though, I’m sure once you’ve milked it for all its worth: you’ll feel the same. "

You can est pizza for a years and never have the same topping tho...

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"

I gave the op advice and gave my personal opinion on bdsm. Just because you enjoy it, doesn’t mean everyone else has to. It has nothing to do with one ‘doing it wrong’.

It’s also very nice knowing that you’re vocal about it. I can be vocal about being a ceo on Wall Street, it doesn’t make it true. There however is a lot of proof on my statement.

Judging by your profile and giddiness towards a rather “ordinary” sexual act, doesn’t jump out to me as someone that’s very experienced. You come across more, trying to appear superior. Which I can assure you, my dear, you are not.

"

To be honest what you gave wasn't advice more a throw away comment that was about as useful as a chocolate fire guard - anyone who knows the first thing about BDSM would know that it is *not* about collecting "on-line slaves" or simply going to a BDSM club - there is a heck of a lot more depth to it than that as some of the more valid comments on this thread have shown.

Your "opinion" wasn't actually presented in that way either - more a dismissive statement of an area of sexuality that is taken very seriously by a lot of people, again as this thread has shown.

So is it any wonder that you have received the response you have?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"bdsm is boring af.

Then you're doing it wrong.

When you eat pizza every day for a year, it becomes boring. I’ll allow you to believe it’s the queens jewels though, I’m sure once you’ve milked it for all its worth: you’ll feel the same.

You can est pizza for a years and never have the same topping tho...

"

That’s true, though there are more toppings for pizza than there are kinks within bdsm that can be performed. At least, those in which people are willing to have performed.

For instance, mango and hot sauce on pizza.

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La


"Found it boring after a while. My natural choice for a guy is an equal level relationship, so having to command and humiliate just annoyed me in the end."

Its soo not just about that tho..

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La


"bdsm is boring af.

Then you're doing it wrong.

When you eat pizza every day for a year, it becomes boring. I’ll allow you to believe it’s the queens jewels though, I’m sure once you’ve milked it for all its worth: you’ll feel the same.

You can est pizza for a years and never have the same topping tho...

That’s true, though there are more toppings for pizza than there are kinks within bdsm that can be performed. At least, those in which people are willing to have performed.

For instance, mango and hot sauce on pizza. "

I'll try it if you will lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I gave the op advice and gave my personal opinion on bdsm. Just because you enjoy it, doesn’t mean everyone else has to. It has nothing to do with one ‘doing it wrong’.

It’s also very nice knowing that you’re vocal about it. I can be vocal about being a ceo on Wall Street, it doesn’t make it true. There however is a lot of proof on my statement.

Judging by your profile and giddiness towards a rather “ordinary” sexual act, doesn’t jump out to me as someone that’s very experienced. You come across more, trying to appear superior. Which I can assure you, my dear, you are not.

To be honest what you gave wasn't advice more a throw away comment that was about as useful as a chocolate fire guard - anyone who knows the first thing about BDSM would know that it is *not* about collecting "on-line slaves" or simply going to a BDSM club - there is a heck of a lot more depth to it than that as some of the more valid comments on this thread have shown.

Your "opinion" wasn't actually presented in that way either - more a dismissive statement of an area of sexuality that is taken very seriously by a lot of people, again as this thread has shown.

So is it any wonder that you have received the response you have?"

The individual wanted to know how to get involved. There’s no other way to get involved than to go to a club and, watch, interact, learn. Online slaves are a part of bdsm, unless of course you only consider whips and chains to be of that category, which the vast majority of you small minded lot think.

I can give an opinion on whatever I want. It was a throw away comment, as it was based merely on my opinion. You I’m guessing being the submissive, are showing how good a little lap dog you can be to the “wannabe” dominants here. Those whom wish to bring a feeling of control into their otherwise helpless lives.

Good day....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"bdsm is boring af.

Then you're doing it wrong.

When you eat pizza every day for a year, it becomes boring. I’ll allow you to believe it’s the queens jewels though, I’m sure once you’ve milked it for all its worth: you’ll feel the same.

You can est pizza for a years and never have the same topping tho...

That’s true, though there are more toppings for pizza than there are kinks within bdsm that can be performed. At least, those in which people are willing to have performed.

For instance, mango and hot sauce on pizza.

I'll try it if you will lol"

It happens to be one of my favourite toppings. It even defeats pineapple and jalapeño

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

What do you think it involves OP?

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By *attooedBBWWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"bdsm is boring af.

Then you're doing it wrong.

When you eat pizza every day for a year, it becomes boring. I’ll allow you to believe it’s the queens jewels though, I’m sure once you’ve milked it for all its worth: you’ll feel the same.

You can est pizza for a years and never have the same topping tho...

That’s true, though there are more toppings for pizza than there are kinks within bdsm that can be performed. At least, those in which people are willing to have performed.

For instance, mango and hot sauce on pizza.

I'll try it if you will lol

It happens to be one of my favourite toppings. It even defeats pineapple and jalapeño "

That combo

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La


"bdsm is boring af.

Then you're doing it wrong.

When you eat pizza every day for a year, it becomes boring. I’ll allow you to believe it’s the queens jewels though, I’m sure once you’ve milked it for all its worth: you’ll feel the same.

You can est pizza for a years and never have the same topping tho...

That’s true, though there are more toppings for pizza than there are kinks within bdsm that can be performed. At least, those in which people are willing to have performed.

For instance, mango and hot sauce on pizza.

I'll try it if you will lol

It happens to be one of my favourite toppings. It even defeats pineapple and jalapeño "

Dont suppose you deliver?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"

I gave the op advice and gave my personal opinion on bdsm. Just because you enjoy it, doesn’t mean everyone else has to. It has nothing to do with one ‘doing it wrong’.

It’s also very nice knowing that you’re vocal about it. I can be vocal about being a ceo on Wall Street, it doesn’t make it true. There however is a lot of proof on my statement.

Judging by your profile and giddiness towards a rather “ordinary” sexual act, doesn’t jump out to me as someone that’s very experienced. You come across more, trying to appear superior. Which I can assure you, my dear, you are not.

To be honest what you gave wasn't advice more a throw away comment that was about as useful as a chocolate fire guard - anyone who knows the first thing about BDSM would know that it is *not* about collecting "on-line slaves" or simply going to a BDSM club - there is a heck of a lot more depth to it than that as some of the more valid comments on this thread have shown.

Your "opinion" wasn't actually presented in that way either - more a dismissive statement of an area of sexuality that is taken very seriously by a lot of people, again as this thread has shown.

So is it any wonder that you have received the response you have?

The individual wanted to know how to get involved. There’s no other way to get involved than to go to a club and, watch, interact, learn. Online slaves are a part of bdsm, unless of course you only consider whips and chains to be of that category, which the vast majority of you small minded lot think.

I can give an opinion on whatever I want. It was a throw away comment, as it was based merely on my opinion. You I’m guessing being the submissive, are showing how good a little lap dog you can be to the “wannabe” dominants here. Those whom wish to bring a feeling of control into their otherwise helpless lives.

Good day.... "

There are many ways to learn both on and offline and my point was your comment lacked any value because there was no depth to it - in fact your second sentence in your response to me has far more value, so well done - you're learning

The thing is your "boring af" comment wasn't presented as an opinion, one that was balanced and backed up with reasoning, and was presented as a statement of fact - had you of said "BDSM to me is boring af because...." then maybe it would have been better received.

I shall treat your little lap dog comment with the contempt it deserves though and not dignify it with a response

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I suppose all dominants much like all submissives are different, what you want may not be what many dommes want or do; so I can see the advantage of watching and learning, but be true to yourself and do not assume what they do is right.

It may be right for them, but you may find it is not right for you.

I was dominant for many years, sexually anyway, before I found that dominance was not all sexual; I found this by submitting to an experienced but younger femme domme.

now I am a switch 50% dom 50% sub and I love both roles.

I doubt you will find two dominants the same nor two submissives ….

I hope you find someone to play with, try your dominant side and see how things go … good luck in your quest xx "

Can only agree with this gentleman. It’s so individual. I was a mistress to one guy and loved it as the chemistry was there. When he moved country, I got another offer from a slave, signed a contract and everything, but it didn’t work as we just didn’t click. Then I got an offer from a Dom and discovered the pleasures of both worlds living as a switch depending on my mood. Never looked back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its more than a Title its a responsability

There have beem many writings about advice for newbies amd labeling etc. I have done one or two myself but i have been mulling something over in my head the last few days about the other side to labeling yourself in this lifestyle when you are new.

We have all seen the posts "hi i am ........... I have just joined the scene and I am a Daddy/Dom/Domme/master/mistress etc and i am looking for a babygirl/sub etc"

I think people seem to forget that its more than just a label, when you stand up and be counted as Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme etc you are saying to the kink world

"i can keep you safe"

" Ican deal with the emotional bonding that takes place"

" I can play without causing lasting damage"

" I can deal with the aftercare needs physically and emotionally"

" I can walk in your mind without damaging it'

To name a few

I worry sometimes that people seem to forget having a dominant personality does not make you a Dom/Domme etc. Without the knowledge you still just a dominant character.

Imagine this, you get on an airplane and the pilot comes over the speaker and says "hi i am you pilot today, i love planes and will be learning to fly properly sometime in the future"

Or your in hospital and the dr comes up to you and say " hi i am your Dr, i have not been to medical school but i have always felt thats what I was"

I am hoping you would all run a mile and not let them near you.

You can not call yourself a dr or a pilot until you are fully trained and able to keep those entrusted to you safe.

So to newbies i would like to say think of what the label you give yourself portrays to others, i know there is not a bdsm school out there but get involved in the local community and learn, and when you have the skills and knowledge required to back up the label you feel sums up who you are then wear it with pride.

MT"

exactly, very well said

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"

I gave the op advice and gave my personal opinion on bdsm. Just because you enjoy it, doesn’t mean everyone else has to. It has nothing to do with one ‘doing it wrong’.

It’s also very nice knowing that you’re vocal about it. I can be vocal about being a ceo on Wall Street, it doesn’t make it true. There however is a lot of proof on my statement.

Judging by your profile and giddiness towards a rather “ordinary” sexual act, doesn’t jump out to me as someone that’s very experienced. You come across more, trying to appear superior. Which I can assure you, my dear, you are not.

To be honest what you gave wasn't advice more a throw away comment that was about as useful as a chocolate fire guard - anyone who knows the first thing about BDSM would know that it is *not* about collecting "on-line slaves" or simply going to a BDSM club - there is a heck of a lot more depth to it than that as some of the more valid comments on this thread have shown.

Your "opinion" wasn't actually presented in that way either - more a dismissive statement of an area of sexuality that is taken very seriously by a lot of people, again as this thread has shown.

So is it any wonder that you have received the response you have?

The individual wanted to know how to get involved. There’s no other way to get involved than to go to a club and, watch, interact, learn. Online slaves are a part of bdsm, unless of course you only consider whips and chains to be of that category, which the vast majority of you small minded lot think.

I can give an opinion on whatever I want. It was a throw away comment, as it was based merely on my opinion. You I’m guessing being the submissive, are showing how good a little lap dog you can be to the “wannabe” dominants here. Those whom wish to bring a feeling of control into their otherwise helpless lives.

Good day....

There are many ways to learn both on and offline and my point was your comment lacked any value because there was no depth to it - in fact your second sentence in your response to me has far more value, so well done - you're learning

The thing is your "boring af" comment wasn't presented as an opinion, one that was balanced and backed up with reasoning, and was presented as a statement of fact - had you of said "BDSM to me is boring af because...." then maybe it would have been better received.

I shall treat your little lap dog comment with the contempt it deserves though and not dignify it with a response "

Sorry, however your last paragraph just did.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"

I shall treat your little lap dog comment with the contempt it deserves though and not dignify it with a response

Sorry, however your last paragraph just did."

Which was the ironic intention

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"

I shall treat your little lap dog comment with the contempt it deserves though and not dignify it with a response

Sorry, however your last paragraph just did.

Which was the ironic intention"

Or elitism, trust it was what you said.

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By *istress CockneyWoman
over a year ago

LONDON


"an experienced and serious sub is what you need, someone who wants to enjoy serving you, but also will to have you explore what YOU want as well.

there is a phrase used by some 'topping from the bottom' which sums up the state where a sub is trying to manipulate the dom into doing what they want and not serving his or her dominant in the way the dom wants.

some so called submissives will try to take advantage of your newness (for want of a better phrase) so watch out for them, d/s is for mutual pleasure - but remember you are the boss !

"
This is so true.Amount of messages I get asking "will you Domme me"

It is a state of emtional trust and security which requires patience and responsibility.

Anyone can spank arse with a hairbrush

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"

I shall treat your little lap dog comment with the contempt it deserves though and not dignify it with a response

Sorry, however your last paragraph just did.

Which was the ironic intention

Or elitism, trust it was what you said."

Nothing in the slightest bit elitist in that - if someone wants to consider me a "little lap dog" for offering a balanced, considered and reasoned opinion then that is their prerogative and not something worth bothering with

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"an experienced and serious sub is what you need, someone who wants to enjoy serving you, but also will to have you explore what YOU want as well.

there is a phrase used by some 'topping from the bottom' which sums up the state where a sub is trying to manipulate the dom into doing what they want and not serving his or her dominant in the way the dom wants.

some so called submissives will try to take advantage of your newness (for want of a better phrase) so watch out for them, d/s is for mutual pleasure - but remember you are the boss !

This is so true.Amount of messages I get asking "will you Domme me"

It is a state of emtional trust and security which requires patience and responsibility.

Anyone can spank arse with a hairbrush"

Not going to spank anyone’s arse with a hairbrush, what happens if it picks a little up and you brush your hair?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I gave the op advice and gave my personal opinion on bdsm. Just because you enjoy it, doesn’t mean everyone else has to. It has nothing to do with one ‘doing it wrong’.

It’s also very nice knowing that you’re vocal about it. I can be vocal about being a ceo on Wall Street, it doesn’t make it true. There however is a lot of proof on my statement.

Judging by your profile and giddiness towards a rather “ordinary” sexual act, doesn’t jump out to me as someone that’s very experienced. You come across more, trying to appear superior. Which I can assure you, my dear, you are not.

To be honest what you gave wasn't advice more a throw away comment that was about as useful as a chocolate fire guard - anyone who knows the first thing about BDSM would know that it is *not* about collecting "on-line slaves" or simply going to a BDSM club - there is a heck of a lot more depth to it than that as some of the more valid comments on this thread have shown.

Your "opinion" wasn't actually presented in that way either - more a dismissive statement of an area of sexuality that is taken very seriously by a lot of people, again as this thread has shown.

So is it any wonder that you have received the response you have?

The individual wanted to know how to get involved. There’s no other way to get involved than to go to a club and, watch, interact, learn. Online slaves are a part of bdsm, unless of course you only consider whips and chains to be of that category, which the vast majority of you small minded lot think.

I can give an opinion on whatever I want. It was a throw away comment, as it was based merely on my opinion. You I’m guessing being the submissive, are showing how good a little lap dog you can be to the “wannabe” dominants here. Those whom wish to bring a feeling of control into their otherwise helpless lives.

Good day....

There are many ways to learn both on and offline and my point was your comment lacked any value because there was no depth to it - in fact your second sentence in your response to me has far more value, so well done - you're learning

The thing is your "boring af" comment wasn't presented as an opinion, one that was balanced and backed up with reasoning, and was presented as a statement of fact - had you of said "BDSM to me is boring af because...." then maybe it would have been better received.

I shall treat your little lap dog comment with the contempt it deserves though and not dignify it with a response "

When I state my opinion on what I prefer first, it is then considered a personal opinion when I state bdsm as boring.

You can try as hard as you like to appear superior in this situation: though, you’re the one looking to impress; whilst I merely show you up for being a try hard, that lacks substance.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"

I gave the op advice and gave my personal opinion on bdsm. Just because you enjoy it, doesn’t mean everyone else has to. It has nothing to do with one ‘doing it wrong’.

It’s also very nice knowing that you’re vocal about it. I can be vocal about being a ceo on Wall Street, it doesn’t make it true. There however is a lot of proof on my statement.

Judging by your profile and giddiness towards a rather “ordinary” sexual act, doesn’t jump out to me as someone that’s very experienced. You come across more, trying to appear superior. Which I can assure you, my dear, you are not.

To be honest what you gave wasn't advice more a throw away comment that was about as useful as a chocolate fire guard - anyone who knows the first thing about BDSM would know that it is *not* about collecting "on-line slaves" or simply going to a BDSM club - there is a heck of a lot more depth to it than that as some of the more valid comments on this thread have shown.

Your "opinion" wasn't actually presented in that way either - more a dismissive statement of an area of sexuality that is taken very seriously by a lot of people, again as this thread has shown.

So is it any wonder that you have received the response you have?

The individual wanted to know how to get involved. There’s no other way to get involved than to go to a club and, watch, interact, learn. Online slaves are a part of bdsm, unless of course you only consider whips and chains to be of that category, which the vast majority of you small minded lot think.

I can give an opinion on whatever I want. It was a throw away comment, as it was based merely on my opinion. You I’m guessing being the submissive, are showing how good a little lap dog you can be to the “wannabe” dominants here. Those whom wish to bring a feeling of control into their otherwise helpless lives.

Good day....

There are many ways to learn both on and offline and my point was your comment lacked any value because there was no depth to it - in fact your second sentence in your response to me has far more value, so well done - you're learning

The thing is your "boring af" comment wasn't presented as an opinion, one that was balanced and backed up with reasoning, and was presented as a statement of fact - had you of said "BDSM to me is boring af because...." then maybe it would have been better received.

I shall treat your little lap dog comment with the contempt it deserves though and not dignify it with a response

When I state my opinion on what I prefer first, it is then considered a personal opinion when I state bdsm as boring.

You can try as hard as you like to appear superior in this situation: though, you’re the one looking to impress; whilst I merely show you up for being a try hard, that lacks substance. "

And you are doing?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"

When I state my opinion on what I prefer first, it is then considered a personal opinion when I state bdsm as boring.

You can try as hard as you like to appear superior in this situation: though, you’re the one looking to impress; whilst I merely show you up for being a try hard, that lacks substance. "

Think what you like but neither "superior" nor "looking to impress" are words that have been used to describe me before.

As for "showing me up" if you think you have then I think that is all we need to know

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By *heEvilWithinWoman
over a year ago

Barnsley


"Its more than a Title its a responsability

There have beem many writings about advice for newbies amd labeling etc. I have done one or two myself but i have been mulling something over in my head the last few days about the other side to labeling yourself in this lifestyle when you are new.

We have all seen the posts "hi i am ........... I have just joined the scene and I am a Daddy/Dom/Domme/master/mistress etc and i am looking for a babygirl/sub etc"

I think people seem to forget that its more than just a label, when you stand up and be counted as Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme etc you are saying to the kink world

"i can keep you safe"

" Ican deal with the emotional bonding that takes place"

" I can play without causing lasting damage"

" I can deal with the aftercare needs physically and emotionally"

" I can walk in your mind without damaging it'

To name a few

I worry sometimes that people seem to forget having a dominant personality does not make you a Dom/Domme etc. Without the knowledge you still just a dominant character.

Imagine this, you get on an airplane and the pilot comes over the speaker and says "hi i am you pilot today, i love planes and will be learning to fly properly sometime in the future"

Or your in hospital and the dr comes up to you and say " hi i am your Dr, i have not been to medical school but i have always felt thats what I was"

I am hoping you would all run a mile and not let them near you.

You can not call yourself a dr or a pilot until you are fully trained and able to keep those entrusted to you safe.

So to newbies i would like to say think of what the label you give yourself portrays to others, i know there is not a bdsm school out there but get involved in the local community and learn, and when you have the skills and knowledge required to back up the label you feel sums up who you are then wear it with pride.

MT"

No offense to what you said because I see where you're going but someone saying they can fly a plane or be a doctor is completely different to sexual activities of being a Dom/me lol.

Everyone starts somewhere on the bdsm scene and most people in it think their way is the right way. To be honest there's no right way. If you want to be a Domme you will need an experienced sub who will teach you and be there to mentor you otherwise you'd have to be a student for a Domme that already has a sub and will allow you to Domme her sub. That's the only way really.

I am sub but I have a slave and we have a chat every week about what he wants. To be honest my sub experience has helped me greatly and I think I'm a better Domme because of it. Hope that helps a little

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

When I state my opinion on what I prefer first, it is then considered a personal opinion when I state bdsm as boring.

You can try as hard as you like to appear superior in this situation: though, you’re the one looking to impress; whilst I merely show you up for being a try hard, that lacks substance.

Think what you like but neither "superior" nor "looking to impress" are words that have been used to describe me before.

As for "showing me up" if you think you have then I think that is all we need to know "

Well that’s simply untrue, as I just used them to describe your character.

I wonder why you’ve ignored the rest of my comment, that proves your original accusations as being wrong. You’re simply clutching at straws now, in attempts to continue having discourse with me.

I’m done with you.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Suspect that is a good idea.

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By *tella HeelsTV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

I’d love to have a mistress then she could teach me to be one too

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Back to the more interesting question posed by the OP - there's been a lot of very good advice offered already further upthread, one thing that I don't recall being covered though is the type of Dom/me, or indeed submissive, someone wants to be or indeed the type of Dom/me or submissive someone would look for which is key to think about and know for yourself.

BDSM can and does cover a wide spectrum of both activities and involvement so not every Dom/me is going to match every submissive and vice versa.

There is also no single "right" way to BDSM only the way agreed between two (or more) consenting adults so long as it is agreed from an informed position, legal and both safe and sane.

To help understand what may interest you OP I'd recommend completing some on-line BDSM questionnaires, specifically the ones that list activities that you rate 1-5 in terms of interest - they're very good to help you frame where you stand on that spectrum - they're also useful to get a potential partner to complete so you can compare notes

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By *istress CockneyWoman
over a year ago

LONDON


"an experienced and serious sub is what you need, someone who wants to enjoy serving you, but also will to have you explore what YOU want as well.

there is a phrase used by some 'topping from the bottom' which sums up the state where a sub is trying to manipulate the dom into doing what they want and not serving his or her dominant in the way the dom wants.

some so called submissives will try to take advantage of your newness (for want of a better phrase) so watch out for them, d/s is for mutual pleasure - but remember you are the boss !

This is so true.Amount of messages I get asking "will you Domme me"

It is a state of emtional trust and security which requires patience and responsibility.

Anyone can spank arse with a hairbrush

Not going to spank anyone’s arse with a hairbrush, what happens if it picks a little up and you brush your hair?"
I only use cheap hairbrushes for spanking. Completely separate from personal items.

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By *zzy69Woman
over a year ago

The Lake District

Try speaking to Vicky- co - owner of the Townhouse

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By *istress CockneyWoman
over a year ago

LONDON

This thread has lost it's focus? Personally, would like to wish the OP all the best in the future.

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By *ibblingnewtWoman
over a year ago

by the sea

So many possibilities op

You could be a fab mistress, that seems to be someone that dresses sexy and has a strapon

And can go from light spanking to rampant sex within 20 minutes

Or

You could be a sadistic mistress that is into giving serious pain and learns her art well and will be able to abuse until you are quivering and dizzy and sore as hell

A controlling mistress, authority and behaviour is what does it for her, the guys want to be at her feet, punishment sometimes happens but sometimes not it all depends of the dynamics and the mindset

A fetish mistress, one that enjoys the more unusual side of kink, sensory, medical, fisting and water sports, electrodes, machines are a few kinks to name

So many different types really some are a certain type and some are a mix of many, you just explore and find your own road to travel, all that matters is you are enjoying it

Join your local munch and gather info, we are always learning and you will always hear of new things people are doing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How does one become a mistress..."

I think both Mistresses and Masters are born not created. I think being dominent comes natural to them.

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By *ibblingnewtWoman
over a year ago

by the sea


"How does one become a mistress...

I think both Mistresses and Masters are born not created. I think being dominent comes natural to them. "

Yes true people are certain personality’s but a mistress or master is an identity that people choose, the kink mind is something altogether different from just a personality trait

I’ve known so many dominant people in my life that have absolutely nothing to do with kink

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its more than a Title its a responsability

There have beem many writings about advice for newbies amd labeling etc. I have done one or two myself but i have been mulling something over in my head the last few days about the other side to labeling yourself in this lifestyle when you are new.

We have all seen the posts "hi i am ........... I have just joined the scene and I am a Daddy/Dom/Domme/master/mistress etc and i am looking for a babygirl/sub etc"

I think people seem to forget that its more than just a label, when you stand up and be counted as Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme etc you are saying to the kink world

"i can keep you safe"

" Ican deal with the emotional bonding that takes place"

" I can play without causing lasting damage"

" I can deal with the aftercare needs physically and emotionally"

" I can walk in your mind without damaging it'

To name a few

I worry sometimes that people seem to forget having a dominant personality does not make you a Dom/Domme etc. Without the knowledge you still just a dominant character.

Imagine this, you get on an airplane and the pilot comes over the speaker and says "hi i am you pilot today, i love planes and will be learning to fly properly sometime in the future"

Or your in hospital and the dr comes up to you and say " hi i am your Dr, i have not been to medical school but i have always felt thats what I was"

I am hoping you would all run a mile and not let them near you.

You can not call yourself a dr or a pilot until you are fully trained and able to keep those entrusted to you safe.

So to newbies i would like to say think of what the label you give yourself portrays to others, i know there is not a bdsm school out there but get involved in the local community and learn, and when you have the skills and knowledge required to back up the label you feel sums up who you are then wear it with pride.

MT"

Absolutely this.

Like anything you start slow build up your skills.

I also think it interesting that a woman positing this is given sane and generally positive responses.

Had it been a man, it would have been a very different thread!

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I also think it interesting that a woman positing this is given sane and generally positive responses.

Had it been a man, it would have been a very different thread! "

Whilst I agree that can be the case on here, when it comes to BDSM related threads I usually see similar advice given regardless of the gender of the OP - although sometimes it does come down to how the original post is framed

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By *ibblingnewtWoman
over a year ago

by the sea


"I also think it interesting that a woman positing this is given sane and generally positive responses.

Had it been a man, it would have been a very different thread!

Whilst I agree that can be the case on here, when it comes to BDSM related threads I usually see similar advice given regardless of the gender of the OP - although sometimes it does come down to how the original post is framed "

I’ve never seen a man posting how to become a master come to think of it

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Can you imagine the public ridicule and abuse he would get if he did from some people on fab forums !!

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I also think it interesting that a woman positing this is given sane and generally positive responses.

Had it been a man, it would have been a very different thread!

Whilst I agree that can be the case on here, when it comes to BDSM related threads I usually see similar advice given regardless of the gender of the OP - although sometimes it does come down to how the original post is framed

I’ve never seen a man posting how to become a master come to think of it"

There have been a few - and when they've come at it from that angle have got similar responses to those given in this thread - in fact most of those responding sensibly to this one are usually the ones posting too.

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By *lovebustyladiesMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Lol date a married or attached man lol simples lol usually if your good the guy will buy you treats in a way to thank you for pleasing him simples or it could just be pure sex u don’t need a relationship as such and the guy gets his cake and eats it lol

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By *lovebustyladiesMan
over a year ago

Birmingham


"How does one become a mistress..."

Basically see somebody u shouldn’t lol

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I have, he was mentioning going on a course to be a master and got absolutely shredded.

My issue with conversations about what makes a dom/me or master or mistress, is that people seem to forget there is no set global curriculum to being a dom/me,

master/mistress, sub or top.

Nothing on the emotional side and although there are workshops on physical skills there is no global curriculum. (Don't get me going about those who say dominants are born and not made.)

The one universal topic is that some safety is taught on most workshops.

Even in rope there is no global curriculum although one London rope space has a series of workshops, and one respected American rigger has a curriculum on his website for rope.

This lack of a curriculum is one of the reasons why (with respect) I disagree with the doctor and pilot analogy as both those jobs have clear and detailed globally recognised skill requirements.

Also the actual physical skill side of bdsm is not that difficult if anyone applies themselves and bothers to learn. Even learning whips is to an extent a mechanical exercise (although painful at times).

Although I understand the point that people who claim a title should have the skills of the title there is no set kink curriculum.

Therefore another issue for me with the analogy is that D/S is about the individual relationship between the sub and the dom/me. Therefore the pilot, for the analogy to be correct, needs to understand the individual emotional requirements of each passenger as well as flying the plane.

Also the analogy would be more accurate if the pilot was saying "I want to emotionally bond with every passenger on this trip and get into your mind and I know how to do so." As for the doctor example, the biggest complaint about the NHS is not the lack of skill but the lack of empathy, and being able to relate to those individuals who have need of medical treatment.

I take the skill side very seriously and clearly no one should be doing activities without having at least read up on the safety aspect.

But I suspect lot of people do bdsm without knowing they are doing bdsm or knowing the safety aspects.

Therefore, returning to OP the physical and emotional skills she will require depends (as pointed out previously as to the various types of mistress) as to the type of mistress she wants to be. Then the requirements of the subs she chooses will be more important than suggested skills by other doms.

One other point is that I have become less enamoured with munches, some have good people others are fairly predatory.

My final comment is that it needs to be fun for both parties. Even when doing, by vanilla standards, horrible things to a person both have to enjoy it and be having fun. If you are not enthusiastic for it...don't do it.

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La


"How does one become a mistress...

Basically see somebody u shouldn’t lol "

Oh dear..

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Maybe it is as simple as find a willing victim and experiment !

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By *rAndMrsCurious12Couple
over a year ago

Lancashire


"How does one become a mistress...

Go to fetish events, get to know people and learn what you need to according to what you want to do "

Best profile picture on the site!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"an experienced and serious sub is what you need, someone who wants to enjoy serving you, but also will to have you explore what YOU want as well.

there is a phrase used by some 'topping from the bottom' which sums up the state where a sub is trying to manipulate the dom into doing what they want and not serving his or her dominant in the way the dom wants.

some so called submissives will try to take advantage of your newness (for want of a better phrase) so watch out for them, d/s is for mutual pleasure - but remember you are the boss !

"

This is one opinion- the other is that you cannot impose your will or desires on another without first gaining their consent to do so. ‘Topping from the Bottom’ can mean acting like a brat in the hope of being punished, knowing you are safe and in control because you can use a safe word at any time and your Dom/me will make your care their priority amongst other things. A slave relationship is another thing entirely.

Remember... it’s supposed to be fun for all sides. You’ll explore, make mistakes, learn from them and come up with your own style and preferences. You are only human ... as are your potential submissives.

When I started out I liked the mantra ‘safe, sane, consensual’ but I’m sure there are others who would disagree with me! Disagreeing with people is also ‘allowed’

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford


"an experienced and serious sub is what you need, someone who wants to enjoy serving you, but also will to have you explore what YOU want as well.

there is a phrase used by some 'topping from the bottom' which sums up the state where a sub is trying to manipulate the dom into doing what they want and not serving his or her dominant in the way the dom wants.

some so called submissives will try to take advantage of your newness (for want of a better phrase) so watch out for them, d/s is for mutual pleasure - but remember you are the boss !

This is one opinion- the other is that you cannot impose your will or desires on another without first gaining their consent to do so. ‘Topping from the Bottom’ can mean acting like a brat in the hope of being punished, knowing you are safe and in control because you can use a safe word at any time and your Dom/me will make your care their priority amongst other things. A slave relationship is another thing entirely.

Remember... it’s supposed to be fun for all sides. You’ll explore, make mistakes, learn from them and come up with your own style and preferences. You are only human ... as are your potential submissives.

When I started out I liked the mantra ‘safe, sane, consensual’ but I’m sure there are others who would disagree with me! Disagreeing with people is also ‘allowed’ "

100% !!!! I agree; make mistakes together and enjoy !

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow


"The BDSM way, but not for sex, the power is the turn on, helping people find their kinks too"

The sex can be fun too

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"Remember... it’s supposed to be fun for all sides. You’ll explore, make mistakes, learn from them and come up with your own style and preferences. You are only human ... as are your potential submissives.

When I started out I liked the mantra ‘safe, sane, consensual’ but I’m sure there are others who would disagree with me! Disagreeing with people is also ‘allowed’ "

This!

I was once a big fan of safe, sane and consentual, as I understood more I felt more comfortable with RACK (risk aware, consentual kink) as a lot of things I enjoy can be made safer but aren't really things that can be called safe...

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Remember... it’s supposed to be fun for all sides. You’ll explore, make mistakes, learn from them and come up with your own style and preferences. You are only human ... as are your potential submissives.

When I started out I liked the mantra ‘safe, sane, consensual’ but I’m sure there are others who would disagree with me! Disagreeing with people is also ‘allowed’

This!

I was once a big fan of safe, sane and consentual, as I understood more I felt more comfortable with RACK (risk aware, consentual kink) as a lot of things I enjoy can be made safer but aren't really things that can be called safe..."

I think that's where our old friend "informed" comes into it - and it has so many applications to BDSM - what may not be seen to be 'safe' (or indeed 'sane') to someone looking in becomes 'safe' (or at least 'safer') to someone with knowledge.

Likewise with anyone looking to enter into the lifestyle, at whatever level, it's key they are "informed" and have an awareness of the various elements - it's where people aren't informed that the danger lies, and that is why threads such as this one are so important (and glad to see it got itself back on track )

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By *istoryman57Couple
over a year ago

burnley

im lucky I have a fantastic wife.who has let me have a lover too..i have a high sex drive too much for my wife I would never leave my wife for my lover and my lover who is single knows this so everone is happy.

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By *ibblingnewtWoman
over a year ago

by the sea


"im lucky I have a fantastic wife.who has let me have a lover too..i have a high sex drive too much for my wife I would never leave my wife for my lover and my lover who is single knows this so everone is happy."

I don’t think it’s that type of mistress

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By *ibblingnewtWoman
over a year ago

by the sea


"I have, he was mentioning going on a course to be a master and got absolutely shredded.

My issue with conversations about what makes a dom/me or master or mistress, is that people seem to forget there is no set global curriculum to being a dom/me,

master/mistress, sub or top.

Nothing on the emotional side and although there are workshops on physical skills there is no global curriculum. (Don't get me going about those who say dominants are born and not made.)

The one universal topic is that some safety is taught on most workshops.

Even in rope there is no global curriculum although one London rope space has a series of workshops, and one respected American rigger has a curriculum on his website for rope.

This lack of a curriculum is one of the reasons why (with respect) I disagree with the doctor and pilot analogy as both those jobs have clear and detailed globally recognised skill requirements.

Also the actual physical skill side of bdsm is not that difficult if anyone applies themselves and bothers to learn. Even learning whips is to an extent a mechanical exercise (although painful at times).

Although I understand the point that people who claim a title should have the skills of the title there is no set kink curriculum.

Therefore another issue for me with the analogy is that D/S is about the individual relationship between the sub and the dom/me. Therefore the pilot, for the analogy to be correct, needs to understand the individual emotional requirements of each passenger as well as flying the plane.

Also the analogy would be more accurate if the pilot was saying "I want to emotionally bond with every passenger on this trip and get into your mind and I know how to do so." As for the doctor example, the biggest complaint about the NHS is not the lack of skill but the lack of empathy, and being able to relate to those individuals who have need of medical treatment.

I take the skill side very seriously and clearly no one should be doing activities without having at least read up on the safety aspect.

But I suspect lot of people do bdsm without knowing they are doing bdsm or knowing the safety aspects.

Therefore, returning to OP the physical and emotional skills she will require depends (as pointed out previously as to the various types of mistress) as to the type of mistress she wants to be. Then the requirements of the subs she chooses will be more important than suggested skills by other doms.

One other point is that I have become less enamoured with munches, some have good people others are fairly predatory.

My final comment is that it needs to be fun for both parties. Even when doing, by vanilla standards, horrible things to a person both have to enjoy it and be having fun. If you are not enthusiastic for it...don't do it."

This is a very good reply, I like this view

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By *ibblingnewtWoman
over a year ago

by the sea

Also op be careful of the guys that are just looking for basically a free session, all you will ever hear is Many men wanting this or that and you will get hundreds of men that have no idea of what they want but think they are submissive nearly all will be craving anal play even the virgin arses. plus to many guys it’s just on a bucket list

My advice is to avoid all of those and just play with experienced people

I’ve also many that use pro dommes regularly and are just looking for a cheap alternative, I’m certainly not that either.

Pick your play partners very carefully, you need a lot of connection to be able to fully enjoy all that’s on offer

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Also op be careful of the guys that are just looking for basically a free session, all you will ever hear is Many men wanting this or that and you will get hundreds of men that have no idea of what they want but think they are submissive nearly all will be craving anal play even the virgin arses. plus to many guys it’s just on a bucket list

My advice is to avoid all of those and just play with experienced people

I’ve also many that use pro dommes regularly and are just looking for a cheap alternative, I’m certainly not that either.

Pick your play partners very carefully, you need a lot of connection to be able to fully enjoy all that’s on offer "

Sound advice

The importance of understanding not only what a Dom/me wants, but what a submissive is looking for, and ensuring the two align can't be stressed enough, and part of that is finding a connection in both ways.

It's very easy to say I want you to do X,Y and Z for sexual kicks, and if you're both agreed that is what you are looking for then there's no problem at all with that, however domination and submission go a lot deeper than that for most and do require that meeting of minds - that in turn needs a level of knowledge that goes beyond the "whips and chains, dirty little worm" view of BDSM.

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