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Female safety in swinging circles

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By *uniperjuice OP   Man
over a year ago

East Midlands

I was chatting by phone to a woman with a profile on here, and after a while realised she'd given me enough information to identify her (and her home and her family), so that if I was some kind of stalker she would be quite vulnerable. I told her so and she asked me how to keep safer. I made a few obvious suggestions below.

Anything else to add? If there is, I shall suggest she reads this thread.

= = =

(a) don't give out too much identifying information until you trust someone. E.g. use a nom de plume, don't say what your profession is, maybe even disguise your location a bit. (My location sometimes says Leicester, sometimes Derby, sometimes Nottingham. One of them is true)

(b) Don't give phone number to someone you don't trust; ask for theirs and then dial it preceded by 141 to withhold you own number

(c) Don't use WhatsApp as it reveals your number. Prefer kik or something of the sort.

(d) Be particularly careful who you invite to your home or give your address to.

(e) It is safer to meet in a club than in a hotel room or private home. There is safety in numbers; especially if any bondage or submission or BDSM is involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell someone where you are going if you plan to meet someone. When I joined first I met a guy, never told anyone where I was, went for a spin and only when he had decided he wanted a bj did I realise the dangerous position I had put myself in. I always tell a friend where I'm going, who I'm meeting etc.

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By *uniperjuice OP   Man
over a year ago

East Midlands

Yes - good one. And then there's the safety call too. Tell someone where you;re going and tell them to expect a call or text from you at a particular time to say you're safe and comfortable. If not they call you and you can make excuses and leave.

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By *rkeb3Man
over a year ago

east Lancashire road

What about men they don't need safety?

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows


"Yes - good one. And then there's the safety call too. Tell someone where you;re going and tell them to expect a call or text from you at a particular time to say you're safe and comfortable. If not they call you and you can make excuses and leave. "

All the above, plus a tracker app on my phone.

I can be pinpointed to an exact location.

Friends have the name/profile of who I'm meeting.

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By *uniperjuice OP   Man
over a year ago

East Midlands

Being a good judge of character is an important matter in safety of course.

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow


"What about men they don't need safety?

"

WATM. Rears it's head every time.

Nobody said the advice was only for women.

Any sensible man should take it under advisement too.

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By *uniperjuice OP   Man
over a year ago

East Midlands

the precautions are all for unknown people, there is some process of building up of trust to the extent where you will share more ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t have sex bent over something.

Trust me; you can’t stop him if it gets out of hand in that position.

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

All I tell people is that I live in Derbyshire and I attend clubs.

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By *londie8399Couple
over a year ago

blackpool

My friend takes a picture of hes reg plate number if he pick her up but shes on dating sites not fab

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By *udewhennudeMan
over a year ago

newport

These poor defenceless women, they need a man to insult their intelligence because they can’t figure out how to stay safe themselve

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up


"My friend takes a picture of hes reg plate number if he pick her up but shes on dating sites not fab"
I used to do this when I met outside of clubs... and send it to a friend

I think most women know how to stay safe.

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By *ubsteffTV/TS
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I met a guy once, in a hotel room I’d paid for, he came into the room (I was instructed to have my eyes shut and kneeling on the floor facing away from the door) & put a blindfold on me.

He then proceeded to tie me up and at that point I became very aware that this guy (who I’d never seen & had only just met could do absolutely anything he liked to me & I wouldn’t have been able to stop him).

As it happens he made me suck his cock and then he fucked me so it was all good, but it might not have been. I think I was lucky there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"These poor defenceless women, they need a man to insult their intelligence because they can’t figure out how to stay safe themselve "

This is why I love feminist......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don’t have sex bent over something.

Trust me; you can’t stop him if it gets out of hand in that position. "

Also be aware that a condom can be removed if the person is behind you.

Purely out interest, I once tried a method of identifying the location of a person, from profile information. It was possible to work it out to a very small area, which was subsequently confirmed as correct during a conversation with the person at a club. I would therefore suggest putting in a nearby location on a profile.

Bear in mind that if you give someone a contact number and they put it in their phone you may well come up as a friend recommendation on FB and they possibly have a lot more information about you then.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Just be aware. If you would advise a friend or family member against what you plan to do...Don't do it!

I'm often at the information people give out on the forum so lord knows what they divulge privately

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"These poor defenceless women, they need a man to insult their intelligence because they can’t figure out how to stay safe themselve "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Don't arrange to meet anywhere secluded.

Don't get in a strangers car.

Don't agree to go to a hotel room when the guy's already in it.

Always make sure you have enough money to get home.

Don't drink to excess on a meet

I've seen people say they've done all the above

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Always speak before meeting - don't just rely on text communication. You can pick up a lot of information from someone's spontaneous answering and discussion.

Agree an outline of your meet schedule - ie socials, public meets and what you would expect in a sexual meet. This can deter a lot of inappropriate people

Get a dual sim phone, which means you can have 2 numbers working on just one handset.1 is a shag number pay as you go, the other is your private main number

Arrange coordination with someone who supports you - knows you are meeting and the details - can contact to confirm safety.

Ensure your social meet is at a place with CCTV. Consider texting yourself any details of when he would have been filmed, leaving a record that's of use to police etc.

Consider making first meets reasonably short, so you can get away predictably early - agree this beforehand

Emphasize sexual limits. Aim not to change your limits once agreed.

Have brief video chat before meetings, to confirm he's using photos that are him and recent. It's also fine to store a photo of the person against their contact information

Be vague upon important private details - some men push to know this, so set boundaries.

If in difficulty or uncomfortable, engage other people to support you. It's better to decide that you will have no limits, including the police. I've had neighbours help out - I've no issues or limits

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"These poor defenceless women, they need a man to insult their intelligence because they can’t figure out how to stay safe themselve "

You'd be surprised how many single people put themselves at risk.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men tend to be more blaze with personal information you will find in the desperate attempt to get a meet.

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend


"Yes - good one. And then there's the safety call too. Tell someone where you;re going and tell them to expect a call or text from you at a particular time to say you're safe and comfortable. If not they call you and you can make excuses and leave. "

I kind of use this, but not. If I have a meet, my safety text reads something along the lines of 'small cock, having a shit time'. If someone is holding you against your will, they will ensure any safety text says something positive. My friends know a positives text means help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been extra concerned about my safety since I met a guy in his home (I had always felt safe going to a guys home because of disclosure of his address) and he then quickly got drugged up after locking all the doors and hiding the key. It was very frightening.

So I now far prefer clubs - others are around. If you get to know someone better then meets elsewhere become viable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/01/19 13:56:46]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is not rocket science, a lady I met sent my address and full name to a trusted (not rusted, previous attempt) friend before a meet and arranged a time to text her afterwards. Problem solved!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't arrange to meet anywhere secluded.

Don't get in a strangers car.

Don't agree to go to a hotel room when the guy's already in it.

Always make sure you have enough money to get home.

Don't drink to excess on a meet

I've seen people say they've done all the above"

Never ever let your glass out of sight dont drink from glasses already poured... just a little hint...

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By *udistnorthantsMan
over a year ago

Desborough

"Charlie says....."

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By *hingy2Woman
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT


"I was chatting by phone to a woman with a profile on here, and after a while realised she'd given me enough information to identify her (and her home and her family), so that if I was some kind of stalker she would be quite vulnerable. I told her so and she asked me how to keep safer. I made a few obvious suggestions below.

Anything else to add? If there is, I shall suggest she reads this thread.

= = =

(a) don't give out too much identifying information until you trust someone. E.g. use a nom de plume, don't say what your profession is, maybe even disguise your location a bit. (My location sometimes says Leicester, sometimes Derby, sometimes Nottingham. One of them is true)

(b) Don't give phone number to someone you don't trust; ask for theirs and then dial it preceded by 141 to withhold you own number

(c) Don't use WhatsApp as it reveals your number. Prefer kik or something of the sort.

(d) Be particularly careful who you invite to your home or give your address to.

(e) It is safer to meet in a club than in a hotel room or private home. There is safety in numbers; especially if any bondage or submission or BDSM is involved.

"

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By *hingy2Woman
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT


"I met a guy once, in a hotel room I’d paid for, he came into the room (I was instructed to have my eyes shut and kneeling on the floor facing away from the door) & put a blindfold on me.

He then proceeded to tie me up and at that point I became very aware that this guy (who I’d never seen & had only just met could do absolutely anything he liked to me & I wouldn’t have been able to stop him).

As it happens he made me suck his cock and then he fucked me so it was all good, but it might not have been. I think I was lucky there. "

You were...it could've been very different

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By *tirluvMan
over a year ago

the right frame of mind -London

Is this thread venturing into white knight teritory? Surely,most sensible people will know how to guard their privacy online and those that don't are plain idiots -regardless of gender?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this thread venturing into white knight teritory? Surely,most sensible people will know how to guard their privacy online and those that don't are plain idiots -regardless of gender?"

Please leave common sense out of this thread...

It’s a very interesting topic..... on one hand you have sexually independent women, most over the age of 30 on a adult website looking for sex...

On the other hand people are giving advice to these women like they are idiots.....

It’s like telling an adult to wash their hands after using the bathroom.....

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By *roticGoddessXXWoman
over a year ago

Richmond


"It’s like telling an adult to wash their hands after using the bathroom....."

...like more than 30% do that on a regular basis?? My god, have you ever actually watched how many people don't???

My most basic rule:

Trust your gut instinct. If at any point something doesn't add up or you feel even slightly uncomfortable, just DON'T meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s like telling an adult to wash their hands after using the bathroom.....

...like more than 30% do that on a regular basis?? My god, have you ever actually watched how many people don't???

My most basic rule:

Trust your gut instinct. If at any point something doesn't add up or you feel even slightly uncomfortable, just DON'T meet.

"

Ok as a smart woman...... you don’t find this thread patronizing to all women?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s like telling an adult to wash their hands after using the bathroom.....

...like more than 30% do that on a regular basis?? My god, have you ever actually watched how many people don't???

My most basic rule:

Trust your gut instinct. If at any point something doesn't add up or you feel even slightly uncomfortable, just DON'T meet.

Ok as a smart woman...... you don’t find this thread patronizing to all women?"

As a general safety thread I don’t and I’m not sensitive enough to worry that it states ‘women’. I assume the OP meant no malice. As a woman (or human) I welcome any discussion on safety. You’d be surprised what people don't realise such as a phone number can link FB contacts (mentioned above). I’ve talked to others who take risks I deem unnecessary.

My rules:

Stay to the clubs.

Stay to Fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this thread venturing into white knight teritory? Surely,most sensible people will know how to guard their privacy online and those that don't are plain idiots -regardless of gender?"

I'm not too sure about this. It never ceases to amaze me the amount of personal info folk share freely with all and sundry on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s like telling an adult to wash their hands after using the bathroom.....

...like more than 30% do that on a regular basis?? My god, have you ever actually watched how many people don't???

My most basic rule:

Trust your gut instinct. If at any point something doesn't add up or you feel even slightly uncomfortable, just DON'T meet.

Ok as a smart woman...... you don’t find this thread patronizing to all women?

As a general safety thread I don’t and I’m not sensitive enough to worry that it states ‘women’. I assume the OP meant no malice. As a woman (or human) I welcome any discussion on safety. You’d be surprised what people don't realise such as a phone number can link FB contacts (mentioned above). I’ve talked to others who take risks I deem unnecessary.

My rules:

Stay to the clubs.

Stay to Fab. "

Fair enough... Maybe because I’m a man I don’t have the same safety concerns as a woman....

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By *rK MrsJCouple
over a year ago

Kidderminster

Have a fab phone on pay as you go, one that you only give number to people on fab or clubs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I photograph number plates and send them to a trusted friend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My friend takes a picture of hes reg plate number if he pick her up but shes on dating sites not fab"

That's a great plan as long as she texts it to someone, any guy who objects is a jerk.

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By *atEvolutionCouple
over a year ago

atlantisEVOLUTION Swingers Club. Stoke

As a club we are always happy to walk single fems back to their cars and often ask them to message that they are home safe.

Cat X

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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)


"Is this thread venturing into white knight teritory? Surely,most sensible people will know how to guard their privacy online and those that don't are plain idiots -regardless of gender?"
I see, so anyone who could actually take onboard some of the very good advice on here if they are new to all this is not worth thinking about as they "are plain idiots"? Nice attitude.

It always amazes me how unhelpful some people are on here. The advice given in this thread, for the most part, is very good and pertains to all genders.

Safety isn't something to be joked about.

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By *otwife for useCouple
over a year ago

manchester

Put there number into messenger not Facebook will bring them up, and link you to there Facebook. Doesn’t work as well the other way round and have nosey. Two heads Fred west etc

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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)

I am amazed at just how many people take shortcuts or compromise their personal safety when meeting others for the first time. Ladies and Gentlemen it is not worth risking your life or well being just because you are horny.

Slow down and think your first meeting through before you dive right in. Here are a few pointers that can help to keep you out of trouble.

1. Talk to a potential meet on the phone or Skype prior to actually meeting. Why? Well you can get a feel for someone just with a chat, it is also useful to confirm they are who they say they are. If meeting a couple ask to talk to both sides of the couple.

2. Meet in a public place? Why? Well meeting in a public place protects you and makes it unlikely that you will come to any harm. If you don’t get the right ‘vibes’ from your potential partner then you can walk away and they will have no idea where you live at least.

3. Never invite someone to your home on a first meeting until you know them well – see above.

4. Don’t go to someones house on a first meet until you know them well enough to trust them.

5. Never get into a car with someone you have only just met. So always use your own transportation or a taxi to get to and from your first meet so you are not relying on someone. That gives you the capability of just walking away if things don’t feel right.

6. Let a friend know where you are going and with whom. Call them to let them know you are there safely and then call them again 10 minutes into the meeting to stand them down. Don’t forget to let them know when you are safely on your way home so that they needn’t worry about you.

7. If you don’t have a friend who is that close then set an alarm on your phone with your ring tone so that your phone will ring and you can pretend to chat to a friend. The phone call is important as it will let your potential partner know that someone else knows of your meeting so they will be less likely to do anything wrong.

8. Don’t leave your food or drink unattended during your meet and don’t consume too much alcohol either before or during the meet as this can cloud your judgement.

Some would say all this is common sense, and I would like to agree but it appears not to be all that common.

In essence, take your time, think safety and have an amazing time when it clicks with your new partner and once through the first meeting remember to always play safe as well.

Have fun.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"I met a guy once, in a hotel room I’d paid for, he came into the room (I was instructed to have my eyes shut and kneeling on the floor facing away from the door) & put a blindfold on me.

He then proceeded to tie me up and at that point I became very aware that this guy (who I’d never seen & had only just met could do absolutely anything he liked to me & I wouldn’t have been able to stop him).

As it happens he made me suck his cock and then he fucked me so it was all good, but it might not have been. I think I was lucky there. "

I think you were lucky there to.

I have had meets at my home, tho now I would tend not to. You juat don't know people!

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By *jtravellerWoman
over a year ago

surrey

There’s always value in these threads . I find I usually pick up a new tip . I’ve been asked to do first meets at their hotel room a couple of times, not happening. I want to get a read on you in a public place.

Tip given to me by a man when I first dated online : park away from the meet place. Walk to it and don’t drive directly home, so can’t be followed. He’d been followed home from a bad meet , had his tires slashed and all windows in his truck broken

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

On the odd occassion that I've been to someone's house I've taken a small can of hair spray and a meat cleaver, just in case. Ok....that last bit is a lie but I do tend to clock where the knife rack is

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere


"There’s always value in these threads . I find I usually pick up a new tip . I’ve been asked to do first meets at their hotel room a couple of times, not happening. I want to get a read on you in a public place.

Tip given to me by a man when I first dated online : park away from the meet place. Walk to it and don’t drive directly home, so can’t be followed. He’d been followed home from a bad meet , had his tires slashed and all windows in his truck broken "

Good advice, I always drive the long way home to avoid being followed, even after a social.

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By *bwitchedWoman
over a year ago

Batley, West Yorkshire


"It’s like telling an adult to wash their hands after using the bathroom.....

...like more than 30% do that on a regular basis?? My god, have you ever actually watched how many people don't???

My most basic rule:

Trust your gut instinct. If at any point something doesn't add up or you feel even slightly uncomfortable, just DON'T meet.

Ok as a smart woman...... you don’t find this thread patronizing to all women?"

It never hurts to remind anyone of safety.

You'd be amazed how many times toolbox talks about very basic h&s stuff have to be repeated to highly qualified engineers at my work place. Not because they're idiots - they're engineers, they're very intelligent, practical people - and not because they're being patronized but because complacency sets in over the tasks they do day in and day out and sometimes they have to be reminded that it's when you start getting complacent because "it'll never happen to me,right?" That it happens.

Same applies on here. We are intelligent people but we humans tend to judge people by our own standards. So because the majority of us are pretty sane and normal people who wouldn't dream of using the personal info we unintentionally gather about the people we chat to on here in a damaging or threatening way, it is easy to forget that there are some very not sane and not normal people out there who would and so complacency sets in because it's something we do day in, day out and it'll never happen to me, right?

Plus you'd be surprised how many guys ask me for some very personal information within the first 2 or 3 messages and then think I'm a stuck up prude because I won't give out my phone number or my address, or because i won't meet him somewhere to go for a drive, or turn up at his house for a coffee. Maybe a thread like this will make those guys, who I'm sure mean no harm in most instances, will understand a little bit why we can be a bit cagey about the information we give out and generally stick to using kik and arranging meets in brightly lit, busy places. Not because we're stuck up prudes but because we're being careful.

And I often ask guys what makes them so sure they're safe giving me their info? Sure it's a single female profile but am I really a female? Am I really single? Men can be just as vulnerable as women, even more so in some ways because men haven't had to spend as much time watching their backs as us girls.... That sneaky complacency again. It'll never happen to me, right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On what's app, you can share your location (it continually updates), so just send it to a trusted friend for the duration of your meet

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By *onderWomanWlvWoman
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

I live-share my location on WhatsApp with the safety friend too. So she can find me if I didn't respond to the agreed check in etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't arrange to meet anywhere secluded.

Don't get in a strangers car.

Don't agree to go to a hotel room when the guy's already in it.

Always make sure you have enough money to get home.

Don't drink to excess on a meet

I've seen people say they've done all the above"

I've been to a couple hotel rooms when the men is already in it.

I let them know I have sent their pic to a friend before I meet them.

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By *onny MCMan
over a year ago

Crawley


"(e) It is safer to meet in a club than in a hotel room or private home. There is safety in numbers; especially if any bondage or submission or BDSM is involved.

"

I've said for a while now that there's a lot of girls that go home with guys or take guys home from regular clubs on a Friday or Saturday night would be a lot safer in swingers clubs.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island


"What about men they don't need safety?

"

No, because we are sex crazed Neanderthals who stalk, beat and kill our prey according to the feminist.

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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)


"(e) It is safer to meet in a club than in a hotel room or private home. There is safety in numbers; especially if any bondage or submission or BDSM is involved.

I've said for a while now that there's a lot of girls that go home with guys or take guys home from regular clubs on a Friday or Saturday night would be a lot safer in swingers clubs. "

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By *uniperjuice OP   Man
over a year ago

East Midlands

There's some really good advice here. Thank you all.

I actually wonder if such advice could be collated and edited and published somewhere more visible on the site. The site already provides the verifications system which is good (especially if you pay attention to real life rather than cam verifications).

I know a lot of this is obvious stuff to some of you, but - believe me - not to everyone, especially newcomers.

As for my accusations of being a "white knight" ... . None of us know our own motives entirely, and guessing someone else's motives is even more error-prone. I think I'm much motivated by genuine care, and so do others who know me. It's nice when people occasionally say I'm a caring person, but that seems to be a naturally occurring by-product, not my main aim. Who knows for sure?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Before I became ‘clubs only’ I always told my mate where I was, who I was with etc.... wouldn’t get in anyone else’s car and always drove myself rather than get picked up.

He would also do the same with me.

I went clubs only for a few reasons but one of them was safety. Very few have my phone number and the ones that do are guys that I have met several times that I class as friends and some have actually made the cross over into my real life (not many but a couple).

It amazes me how many people will go round to a randomers house knowing nothing about them and put themselves at risk. Let’s be honest if our vanilla mate turned round and said she was going someone’s house she/he doesn’t know and only exchanged a couple of messages and knows nothing we’d be telling them to be careful and don’t do anything stupid, why should fab be any different.

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By *uniperjuice OP   Man
over a year ago

East Midlands

It's funny that some people on this thread say it's stating the obvious, while others are constantly amazed about how many people don't keep safe.

Completely agree that safety concerns don't only apply to females, but they are statistically at greater risk because - appallingly - there are more predatory men than predatory women.

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By *iReyWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire East


"These poor defenceless women, they need a man to insult their intelligence because they can’t figure out how to stay safe themselve

This is why I love feminist......"

Was that sarcastic? As women you dont have to be feminist to point out we already know how to stay safe. When you're female you're taught growing up that its safer to give a fake number than say no, or to say you have a man as men respect other men more than women, that ponytails are easier for someone to grab and attack you, that walking with headphones in at night is a no go, that your keys between your fingers make an effect weapon and various other ways to ensure your safety. Its drummed into us from a young age, so yes, we're good thanks without a man pointing this out to us

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By *iReyWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire East


"What about men they don't need safety?

No, because we are sex crazed Neanderthals who stalk, beat and kill our prey according to the feminist."

Some of you are actually

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was chatting by phone to a woman with a profile on here, and after a while realised she'd given me enough information to identify her (and her home and her family), so that if I was some kind of stalker she would be quite vulnerable. I told her so and she asked me how to keep safer. I made a few obvious suggestions below.

Anything else to add? If there is, I shall suggest she reads this thread.

= = =

(a) don't give out too much identifying information until you trust someone. E.g. use a nom de plume, don't say what your profession is, maybe even disguise your location a bit. (My location sometimes says Leicester, sometimes Derby, sometimes Nottingham. One of them is true)

(b) Don't give phone number to someone you don't trust; ask for theirs and then dial it preceded by 141 to withhold you own number

(c) Don't use WhatsApp as it reveals your number. Prefer kik or something of the sort.

(d) Be particularly careful who you invite to your home or give your address to.

(e) It is safer to meet in a club than in a hotel room or private home. There is safety in numbers; especially if any bondage or submission or BDSM is involved.

"

Is the phone number thing an apple thing because your mobile number doesn't tell anyone anything and they can be blocked in 2 seconds

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes - good one. And then there's the safety call too. Tell someone where you;re going and tell them to expect a call or text from you at a particular time to say you're safe and comfortable. If not they call you and you can make excuses and leave.

All the above, plus a tracker app on my phone.

I can be pinpointed to an exact location.

Friends have the name/profile of who I'm meeting.

"

Doesnt this go against the ops point completley?

I meansay i did this now a 100% unknown stranger to her would have my meets name, her profile and her exact gps address.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh my personal "safety" measure i turn up in full kevlar body armour and wearing reinforced knuckledusters.

Nothing says defence like a good offence

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I met a guy once, in a hotel room I’d paid for, he came into the room (I was instructed to have my eyes shut and kneeling on the floor facing away from the door) & put a blindfold on me.

He then proceeded to tie me up and at that point I became very aware that this guy (who I’d never seen & had only just met could do absolutely anything he liked to me & I wouldn’t have been able to stop him).

As it happens he made me suck his cock and then he fucked me so it was all good, but it might not have been. I think I was lucky there.

You were...it could've been very different "

Yeah she could have been forced to have sex with him...oh wait..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I met a guy once, in a hotel room I’d paid for, he came into the room (I was instructed to have my eyes shut and kneeling on the floor facing away from the door) & put a blindfold on me.

He then proceeded to tie me up and at that point I became very aware that this guy (who I’d never seen & had only just met could do absolutely anything he liked to me & I wouldn’t have been able to stop him).

As it happens he made me suck his cock and then he fucked me so it was all good, but it might not have been. I think I was lucky there.

You were...it could've been very different

Yeah she could have been forced to have sex with him...oh wait.."

*facepalm*

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By *udewhennudeMan
over a year ago

newport


"I was chatting by phone to a woman with a profile on here, and after a while realised she'd given me enough information to identify her (and her home and her family), so that if I was some kind of stalker she would be quite vulnerable. I told her so and she asked me how to keep safer. I made a few obvious suggestions below.

Anything else to add? If there is, I shall suggest she reads this thread.

= = =

(a) don't give out too much identifying information until you trust someone. E.g. use a nom de plume, don't say what your profession is, maybe even disguise your location a bit. (My location sometimes says Leicester, sometimes Derby, sometimes Nottingham. One of them is true)

(b) Don't give phone number to someone you don't trust; ask for theirs and then dial it preceded by 141 to withhold you own number

(c) Don't use WhatsApp as it reveals your number. Prefer kik or something of the sort.

(d) Be particularly careful who you invite to your home or give your address to.

(e) It is safer to meet in a club than in a hotel room or private home. There is safety in numbers; especially if any bondage or submission or BDSM is involved.

Is the phone number thing an apple thing because your mobile number doesn't tell anyone anything and they can be blocked in 2 seconds "

It's often linked to social media like facebook, some people may have information on there which identifies their workplace etc.

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By *uniperjuice OP   Man
over a year ago

East Midlands

I think a selectively collated and edited summary of all the good advice in this thread might be quite useful if it was published by the site in a more visible and permanent location.

No doubt for some people it would be stating the obvious, but it's clear from the discussion here and from my own interactions that not everyone is as aware as they might be of the risk potential and all possible personal safety measures.

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By *udewhennudeMan
over a year ago

newport


"It's funny that some people on this thread say it's stating the obvious, while others are constantly amazed about how many people don't keep safe.

Completely agree that safety concerns don't only apply to females, but they are statistically at greater risk because - appallingly - there are more predatory men than predatory women. "

It's not a case of stating the obvious, the vast majority of people on here have a fairly good idea of what is risky, what is safe and how to stay safe, but choose to ignore it sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s like telling an adult to wash their hands after using the bathroom.....

...like more than 30% do that on a regular basis?? My god, have you ever actually watched how many people don't???

My most basic rule:

Trust your gut instinct. If at any point something doesn't add up or you feel even slightly uncomfortable, just DON'T meet.

Ok as a smart woman...... you don’t find this thread patronizing to all women?

It never hurts to remind anyone of safety.

You'd be amazed how many times toolbox talks about very basic h&s stuff have to be repeated to highly qualified engineers at my work place. Not because they're idiots - they're engineers, they're very intelligent, practical people - and not because they're being patronized but because complacency sets in over the tasks they do day in and day out and sometimes they have to be reminded that it's when you start getting complacent because "it'll never happen to me,right?" That it happens.

Same applies on here. We are intelligent people but we humans tend to judge people by our own standards. So because the majority of us are pretty sane and normal people who wouldn't dream of using the personal info we unintentionally gather about the people we chat to on here in a damaging or threatening way, it is easy to forget that there are some very not sane and not normal people out there who would and so complacency sets in because it's something we do day in, day out and it'll never happen to me, right?

Plus you'd be surprised how many guys ask me for some very personal information within the first 2 or 3 messages and then think I'm a stuck up prude because I won't give out my phone number or my address, or because i won't meet him somewhere to go for a drive, or turn up at his house for a coffee. Maybe a thread like this will make those guys, who I'm sure mean no harm in most instances, will understand a little bit why we can be a bit cagey about the information we give out and generally stick to using kik and arranging meets in brightly lit, busy places. Not because we're stuck up prudes but because we're being careful.

And I often ask guys what makes them so sure they're safe giving me their info? Sure it's a single female profile but am I really a female? Am I really single? Men can be just as vulnerable as women, even more so in some ways because men haven't had to spend as much time watching their backs as us girls.... That sneaky complacency again. It'll never happen to me, right? "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not read the whole thread. Whilst i understand the need for safety i cant be the only one thinking what happened to confidentiality?

Pretty sure there's alot if women on the site wouldn't want their address sent to a guys mates with what there about to get upto.

Besides in the event something bad does happen its too late then!

Proper checks before hand limit but will never remove risks but i wouldn't dream of disclosing personal information of others on fab.

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By *untimes6969Man
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Some great advice, take what you need and leave the rest! We all need to remember to think with our heads and not our body parts, especially when we're horny! Let common sense prevail and be safe!!

There should be a 'tips for new starters', as the learning process is usually passed on by other people which isn't ideal!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" Men can be just as vulnerable as women, even more so in some ways because men haven't had to spend as much time watching their backs as us girls.... That sneaky complacency again. It'll never happen to me, right? "

You realise men are twice as likley to be the victim of a violent crime right?

Men watch thier backs a lot more than women do as pretty much any random argument can escalate quickly to violence which doesnt doesnt happen the same for women.

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

I always drive to a meet so I know I have a quick way of getting away if I need to.

If it's not a regular FB I don't drink any alcohol.

I always text a friend where I'm going, who with and their Fab profile name (they are also on Fab).

I don't accommodate and if I do go back to someone's place I always discretely clock any exits and always sit closest to the door.

Also although it sounds obvious on a first meet do not let them tie you up in any way!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I always text a friend where I'm going, who with and their Fab profile name (they are also on Fab).

"

Do you not think thats a bit of a violation of thier safety giving thier adress to a total stranger who could be some kind of nutter?

Would you feel comfortable with a male meet giving your adress to his male friends along with your real name and profile?

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By *ab_SparklesWoman
over a year ago

sparkle Surprised


"

I always text a friend where I'm going, who with and their Fab profile name (they are also on Fab).

Do you not think thats a bit of a violation of thier safety giving thier adress to a total stranger who could be some kind of nutter?

Would you feel comfortable with a male meet giving your adress to his male friends along with your real name and profile?"

I have told a friend who does not swing over the years were I'm going. I'll say this in a term that is not a violation. Grinder tinder pof all have had people been killed from their. In fact its actually least likely to happen in the conventional way pub etc because there is always plenty of people and CCtv. If the meet isn't willing to allow that for safety reasons then they shouldn't meet people who are cautious

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well yes, this is all just common sense to me, I'm amazed that some people can be so careless about their safety, e.g. inviting a complete stranger to their home without meeting them in a neutral location first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" Men can be just as vulnerable as women, even more so in some ways because men haven't had to spend as much time watching their backs as us girls.... That sneaky complacency again. It'll never happen to me, right?

You realise men are twice as likley to be the victim of a violent crime right?

Men watch thier backs a lot more than women do as pretty much any random argument can escalate quickly to violence which doesnt doesnt happen the same for women."

Both have to be wary. Men of violence. Women of sexual attacks.

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman
over a year ago

Southampton


"

I always text a friend where I'm going, who with and their Fab profile name (they are also on Fab).

Do you not think thats a bit of a violation of thier safety giving thier adress to a total stranger who could be some kind of nutter?

Would you feel comfortable with a male meet giving your adress to his male friends along with your real name and profile?"

I'm giving their details to one trusted male friend so if anything happens to me he knows where to send the police! This friend is not a nutter or a total stranger.

A male could give my details to a friend (not plural) but I don't accommodate so he doesn't need my address

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman
over a year ago

Southampton


"

I always text a friend where I'm going, who with and their Fab profile name (they are also on Fab).

Do you not think thats a bit of a violation of thier safety giving thier adress to a total stranger who could be some kind of nutter?

Would you feel comfortable with a male meet giving your adress to his male friends along with your real name and profile?

I have told a friend who does not swing over the years were I'm going. I'll say this in a term that is not a violation. Grinder tinder pof all have had people been killed from their. In fact its actually least likely to happen in the conventional way pub etc because there is always plenty of people and CCtv. If the meet isn't willing to allow that for safety reasons then they shouldn't meet people who are cautious "

Well said! I had a dodgy meet last week that ended up with me biting him to get away if it had escalated and I hadn't let my friend know where I was going anything could have happened

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"(e) It is safer to meet in a club than in a hotel room or private home. There is safety in numbers; especially if any bondage or submission or BDSM is involved.

I've said for a while now that there's a lot of girls that go home with guys or take guys home from regular clubs on a Friday or Saturday night would be a lot safer in swingers clubs. "

This

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