FabSwingers.com forum: Advice on Agreed things that went too far..

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I was in a club getting spanked by a shoe horn, this was fine and acceptable.

I took the shoe horn well and after about 8-10 hits I was burnished but not hurting.

The person that was doing the shoe horn then lost control because they couldn't break my pain barrier and dug their nails as deep and ferociously as possible into my back to hurt me 3 times over in a split second. This wasn't part of the plan and I said no no no not on. It's now going to scar possibly for life. Any recommendations on what I should have done as I am not happy about the unagreed scratching.

Can I ask what members would have done in this situation!?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Call the police immediately... this is sexual assault...

It’s about time men spoke up about sexual assault... remember it’s not your fault... you didn’t ask for this...

Contact the club and ask for video evidence.. that will help the police with your case...

I’m very sorry this happened to you.... unfortunately you’re not alone.... maybe if you are successful, this will inspire more men to speak up....

I’m sending you hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would speak to the club management about having them banned from the club, at the least. BDSM is based on safe, sane, and consensual, and I'd argue two of those were broken.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Call the police immediately... this is sexual assault...

It’s about time men spoke up about sexual assault... remember it’s not your fault... you didn’t ask for this...

Contact the club and ask for video evidence.. that will help the police with your case...

I’m very sorry this happened to you.... unfortunately you’re not alone.... maybe if you are successful, this will inspire more men to speak up....

I’m sending you hugs"

I know what your saying more men need to speak up about this sort of thing, I was fine with the bondage part just not the nails. I have never let any of my exs dig their claws in.but this was malice so witnesses said after it had happened and said they wanted to inflict as much pain and damage as possible with the tone of the face.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would speak to the club management about having them banned from the club, at the least. BDSM is based on safe, sane, and consensual, and I'd argue two of those were broken. "

It certainly has left me unsure on whether I will attend again due to this happening, I feel like it's brough some shame that I got brayed in that sort of way..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would speak to the club management about having them banned from the club, at the least. BDSM is based on safe, sane, and consensual, and I'd argue two of those were broken.

It certainly has left me unsure on whether I will attend again due to this happening, I feel like it's brough some shame that I got brayed in that sort of way.."

You have nothing to be ashamed of at all. From what you've said, you didn't do anything wrong. I really would speak to club management about the best port of call, it isn't fair that you feel uncomfortable attending a club you previously enjoyed because of actions out of your control.

I hope you're okay. Hugs. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would speak to the club management about having them banned from the club, at the least. BDSM is based on safe, sane, and consensual, and I'd argue two of those were broken.

It certainly has left me unsure on whether I will attend again due to this happening, I feel like it's brough some shame that I got brayed in that sort of way..

I hope you're okay. Hugs. Xx"

Thanks guys, luckily the manager of the club is a good man who listens to everything that happens in the club and looks after every customer. I don't want anyone arrested out of this even though it is blatant assault.

If I did something without asking I would expect a slap or a punch. That's why I am very respectful and let the situation drop but now it's not looking good for my tattoo as the scratches have now split open near my shoulder. And thanks for the hugs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I doubt you'll scar for life ..skins tough and heals well .

Maybe tell the person who did it next time you see them .

Can't see involving police is the way forward. .

Proof and evidence ..there word against yours .

Are you upset cos your married ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would speak to the club management about having them banned from the club, at the least. BDSM is based on safe, sane, and consensual, and I'd argue two of those were broken.

It certainly has left me unsure on whether I will attend again due to this happening, I feel like it's brough some shame that I got brayed in that sort of way.."

Please don’t feel ashamed.... being assaulted can be very traumatizing... but remember it wasn’t your fault...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would speak to the club management about having them banned from the club, at the least. BDSM is based on safe, sane, and consensual, and I'd argue two of those were broken.

It certainly has left me unsure on whether I will attend again due to this happening, I feel like it's brough some shame that I got brayed in that sort of way..

I hope you're okay. Hugs. Xx

Put savlon on the little cuts ..I'm sure in a month you won't even see them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I doubt you'll scar for life ..skins tough and heals well .

Maybe tell the person who did it next time you see them .

Can't see involving police is the way forward. .

Proof and evidence ..there word against yours .

Are you upset cos your married ?"

What does his martial status have to do with anything?

The man was assaulted ...... it was a crime...

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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)

You have nothing to be ashamed of, you were assaulted. It is as simple as that. You did nothing wrong, the other person broke your trust and consent and for that something needs to be done.

The Police would find it hard to prosecute as it would be your word against theirs but the club owner should act and ban the individual.

I am sorry that you went through that but remember you were the victim and it isn't your fault. I hope that you heal physically and mentally quickly.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I doubt you'll scar for life ..skins tough and heals well .

Maybe tell the person who did it next time you see them .

Can't see involving police is the way forward. .

Proof and evidence ..there word against yours .

Are you upset cos your married ?"

I'm not upset cause I'm married, I'm a single guy, I just have been thinking as single guys have to dress down its not going to look good to other people and it's a bit embarrassing if it's there for life and I have to explain the story each time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would speak to the club management about having them banned from the club, at the least. BDSM is based on safe, sane, and consensual, and I'd argue two of those were broken.

It certainly has left me unsure on whether I will attend again due to this happening, I feel like it's brough some shame that I got brayed in that sort of way..

I hope you're okay. Hugs. Xx

Put savlon on the little cuts ..I'm sure in a month you won't even see them "

Cheers. I need a salon massage meet on my next club venture

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You have nothing to be ashamed of, you were assaulted. It is as simple as that. You did nothing wrong, the other person broke your trust and consent and for that something needs to be done.

The Police would find it hard to prosecute as it would be your word against theirs but the club owner should act and ban the individual.

I am sorry that you went through that but remember you were the victim and it isn't your fault. I hope that you heal physically and mentally quickly."

I wouldn't like anyone arrested or banned as I'm not about anything like that or looking to bring private prosecution as I'm not about anything like that, they just need a good talking to so it wouldn't happen unexpectedly to anyone else.

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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)

The problem is that there may be someone else either in the past or the future.

Anyone who ties others up and then loses it is a real danger. Your decision though and I hope you are back to normal soon.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The problem is that there may be someone else either in the past or the future.

Anyone who ties others up and then loses it is a real danger. Your decision though and I hope you are back to normal soon."

I was not tied up but it was in a narrow place, I will mention it to the person 1st as it did go too far without consent 3 times.

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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)

Well, I hope you are satisfied with the answers and outcome that you get. I hope it never happens to you or anyone else again.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well, I hope you are satisfied with the answers and outcome that you get. I hope it never happens to you or anyone else again."

Thank you Derby Dom and hope to catch you both soon for a conversation

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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)

I look forward to it.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

Did you safeword?

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

I’d keep the wounds covered so that they heal better and less chance of infection.

It’s physical abuse. A Dom/Domme shouldn’t lose their control that’s not what it’s about. They obviously don’t know anything about what they’re doing. It’s about the build up and the pleasure, it’s not about ‘breaking’ anyone.

I’d make sure that in future a member of the club’s security is in the dungeon. You’ve probably lost some confidence and trust as well. You wouldn’t have time to use a safe word if they used their nails. I’d be really angry if it happened to me.

Hope your OK.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you safeword?"

I can't see how a safeword would have helped. Fucking amateurs who lose control are a blight. If it had been a woman OP, would you have asked the question?

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By *rettyLittleThingWoman
over a year ago

Swansea

"You have nothing to be ashamed of, you were assaulted. It is as simple as that. You did nothing wrong, the other person broke your trust and consent and for that something needs to be done.

The Police would find it hard to prosecute as it would be your word against theirs but the club owner should act and ban the individual.

I am sorry that you went through that but remember you were the victim and it isn't your fault. I hope that you heal physically and mentally quickly.

I think if the club owner comes back to you, you should 100% get them banned or on a warning, if you had done this to her she would of had you banned from the event in a heartbeat. It's unacceptable, what she did wasn't agreed, safe word or not it had gone too far by then.

If things like this happen in future make sure you speak to someone at the club on the night, things like this can ruin an evening, experience and stop you going again. Unfortunately I think she has to learn a lesson the hard way with this that you can't do that to people.

I hope it doesn't put you off from attending again.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Take a photo of the wound to show the club owner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op as a man your expected to keep quiet by society bit at the end of the day you were the subject of an assault and that is what it is no dressing it up she abused your trust because she couldn't break you and in frustration diverted from your pre-agreed boundaries,so I'd ask for her to at least be warned by club and I'd be wary of playing alone with her if she can't control her nasty streak ,hope the scratches heal and don't let one bad experience put u off

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By *rkeb3Man
over a year ago

east Lancashire road

Expect the an expected

Can we see the damage now ?

And do u have the terms n stuff u agreed on message or audio if not

Just learn from it no one will bleive u

But if this was the other way around this thread would have been full by now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never do any form of bdsm or punishment with anyone until you know them completely and trust them. A chance encounter or a meet at a club with someone you don't know that well could always end up in an abusive process.

As others have said no means no, even in a sex ckub,and you can bring action against them.

Take care

male

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Did you safeword?"

Yes I did.

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By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

the most worrying thing as as i see it in this (apart from the obvious that the OP suffered) is this person is likely to repeat offend! If allowed to get off scot free!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes if it had been an abusive bloke doing this to a woman he would be hung and quartered so why should she get away from it x

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By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

"Yes if it had been an abusive bloke doing this to a woman he would be hung and quartered so why should she get away from it x"

exactly!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally would ask the club to forward her details to other clubs in the area so they can be aware of potential problems if she attends their clubs as like others on here I'm guessing she goes toore than one club

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

This is an absolute disgrace, I think you have a responsibility to report it to the club as this woman could be a real danger to someone.

Drawing blood during BDSM play is usually negotiated thoroughly beforehand due to risks associated with it. For her to completely disregard your limits when you were in a vulnerable position is very clearly sexual assault.

You have no reason to be ashamed of anything you did or didn't do, she is solely responsible for this situation.

Hope you heal up well xx

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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)

For anyone who hasn't read this thread in full, the OP did report it to the club staff and owner and they are no doubt taking action.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you safeword?"

A safeword is no use for stopping someone clawing you with long nails.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"I doubt you'll scar for life ..skins tough and heals well .

Maybe tell the person who did it next time you see them .

Can't see involving police is the way forward. .

Proof and evidence ..there word against yours .

Are you upset cos your married ?

What does his martial status have to do with anything?

The man was assaulted ...... it was a crime..."

Exactly this. I do hope you're OK OP. I really think you should go to the police. If there's marks, cctv and witnesses, you have proof. Make sure you get someone to take pucs of your injuries.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"Yes if it had been an abusive bloke doing this to a woman he would be hung and quartered so why should she get away from it x"

Exactly. It's not gender specific. What's good for one is good for another. I hope she gets banned from all the clubs in the area.

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

I would have shoved the shoe horn up his ass ......and said hows that for a tickling stick ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you safeword?

A safeword is no use for stopping someone clawing you with long nails."

Indeed and certainly no use for stopping someone that has lost control and acting maliciously. This person certainly needs to be stopped somehow. Sorry you went through that OP but you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have someone your trust and they abused it and you. They are the ones that should feel shame xx

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

Of course the guy isn’t going to go to the police !

What’s he going to say ?

“ I was in a sex club and a woman was beating me with a shoe horn to see if she could get past my pain barrier , but she couldn’t , so she scratched me and dug her nails in “ .

I can just imagine the officers looking at each other and having a giggle , making the op feel even worse than he already does .

Of course it’s a nasty thing to happen , but it’s also an unfortunate possibility when you engage in this kind of play . She probably thought he was being clever by not conceding that he was in pain , and thought “ I’ll show him “ , which was wrong , but shit happens .

I’m sure the wounds will soon heal , and the perpetrator will be dealt with by the club .

As for getting the police involved , not a chance for the sake of the op and the police who have far more important things to deal with .

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By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

"I would have shoved the shoe horn up his ass ......and said hows that for a tickling stick .."

i do believe it was a woman not a man

but do agree but i might have said after shoving it up his arse " there how does that taste" lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’d keep the wounds covered so that they heal better and less chance of infection.

Hope your OK."

I totally agree, it wasn't in the dungeon part of the club and they are sore today and each scratch is hurting more.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Did you safeword?

I can't see how a safeword would have helped. Fucking amateurs who lose control are a blight. If it had been a woman OP, would you have asked the question?

Agreed. If I had done something without permission I would have been removed.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is an absolute disgrace, I think you have a responsibility to report it to the club as this woman could be a real danger to someone.

You have no reason to be ashamed of anything you did or didn't do, she is solely responsible for this situation.

Hope you heal up well xx"

I will have a word when I go back and take some pics 5 days after it happened, I will have a word as I have been speaking to a mutual couple that have gave me advice on the club we both attend. I just want it noted for the safety of other guests, it's too late on what happened to me. I hope I heel too as it will look bad for life. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would have shoved the shoe horn up his ass ......and said hows that for a tickling stick .."

It was a she lol, might have liked it if using that amount of pain.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Of course the guy isn’t going to go to the police !

What’s he going to say ?

“ I was in a sex club and a woman was beating me with a shoe horn to see if she could get past my pain barrier , but she couldn’t , so she scratched me and dug her nails in “ .

I can just imagine the officers looking at each other and having a giggle , making the op feel even worse than he already does .

I’m sure the wounds will soon heal , and the perpetrator will be dealt with by the club .

As for getting the police involved , not a chance for the sake of the op and the police who have far more important things to deal with ."

You have got this absolutely spot on. Imagine the coppers face! I'm not giving them free xmas tips to spice up the bedroom antics! They already have cuffs! It would be a bit embarrassing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would have shoved the shoe horn up his ass ......and said hows that for a tickling stick ..

i do believe it was a woman not a man

but do agree but i might have said after shoving it up his arse " there how does that taste" lol

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"This is an absolute disgrace, I think you have a responsibility to report it to the club as this woman could be a real danger to someone.

You have no reason to be ashamed of anything you did or didn't do, she is solely responsible for this situation.

Hope you heal up well xx

Definitely the correct action to take, they need to be aware of her ignoring consent, it could be much worse next time if she gets away with it.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

And if she's reading this, I hope she feels thoroughly ashamed of her disgraceful behaviour. What she did was assault, pure and simple.

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By *mp411Man
over a year ago

chester

Hunt them down and keep punching after they scream nooooo see how they like it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why oh why are people partaking in BDSM in clubs with strangers? Surely BDSM play should be with people you know? We guess her ego was far bigger than yours and you dented it somewhat by being able to take what she initially gave! BDSM peacocking in clubs is rife and attracts those with big egos, she is completely out of order and should be banned for life

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Which club OP?

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"I doubt you'll scar for life ..skins tough and heals well .

Maybe tell the person who did it next time you see them .

Can't see involving police is the way forward. .

Proof and evidence ..there word against yours .

Are you upset cos your married ?"

Awful response. If this was a woman there would be outrage.

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they lost control in a club setting,then they are a danger to others. That is Torture,Not what BDSM is about.

So I would push for them to be banned from the club,As the next person might end be lucky.

But in the end,that is your calling. Speedy recovery

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

It would be great to hear the clubs response, their reputation is on line for.... an unproved accusation.

Hey OP, every stick has two ends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was in a club getting spanked by a shoe horn, this was fine and acceptable.

I took the shoe horn well and after about 8-10 hits I was burnished but not hurting.

Can I ask what members would have done in this situation!?"

We're you playing with a stranger?

And what play had been negotiated beforehand?

Her actions seem unacceptable but it also depends on what limits had been agreed beforehand

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"It would be great to hear the clubs response, their reputation is on line for.... an unproved accusation.

Hey OP, every stick has two ends.

I've seen the evidence via pm's and direct pics. It's not an unproved accusation at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you safeword?

Yes I did."

How did she react?

Hope you're ok. x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hunt them down and keep punching after they scream nooooo see how they like it "

I would be locked up if I did that. I would rather be punched than have nails on me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why oh why are people partaking in BDSM in clubs with strangers? Surely BDSM play should be with people you know? We guess her ego was far bigger than yours and you dented it somewhat by being able to take what she initially gave! BDSM peacocking in clubs is rife and attracts those with big egos, she is completely out of order and should be banned for life "

I did kind of know this person..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Which club OP?"

I don't name venues due to the fact it's a well run establishment. Not the clubs fault. Just the person went too far.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I doubt you'll scar for life ..skins tough and heals well .

Maybe tell the person who did it next time you see them .

Can't see involving police is the way forward. .

Proof and evidence ..there word against yours .

Are you upset cos your married ?

Awful response. If this was a woman there would be outrage.

V x "

So true x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If they lost control in a club setting,then they are a danger to others. That is Torture,Not what BDSM is about.

So I would push for them to be banned from the club,As the next person might end be lucky.

But in the end,that is your calling. Speedy recovery "

It was just ment to be a good beating with a shoe horn on my ass, not nails dug in. That's when it become torture for me. I really hate nails. A females biggest weapon!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It would be great to hear the clubs response, their reputation is on line for.... an unproved accusation.

Hey OP, every stick has two ends.

I am not naming the club as its not the clubs fault.

Or naming the person in question. I was just after advice on if it was acceptable and what I should have done at that time. I don't wanna cause any bother for the person, just make them aware it's not acceptable in the future for another party to get inflicted in the same way I did.

The 1st time it happened I said no and I didn't expect it to happen.. So why do it twice over?, that's when it became past any agreed limits for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d keep the wounds covered so that they heal better and less chance of infection.

Hope your OK.

I totally agree, it wasn't in the dungeon part of the club and they are sore today and each scratch is hurting more."

Scratch ?? Not a deep wound then ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’d keep the wounds covered so that they heal better and less chance of infection.

Hope your OK.

I totally agree, it wasn't in the dungeon part of the club and they are sore today and each scratch is hurting more.

Scratch ?? Not a deep wound then ?"

Deep enough to draw blood split open and scab over. It will scar as it's quite deep.

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

OP. Whatever happened it was without your consent. Consent is more than just saying no. Consent has to be enthusiastic and you quite clearly weren’t.

I’m appalled and disappointed in the community response... that you have to justify yourself here, simply because you are a man.

Decide how you want to deal with it but know this. If you didn’t give your consent then you were assaulted.

If I give my consent to a spanking and the person spanking me switched to a cane because it was more painful without asking me then I consider that a fucking liberty at best and I’d go mental. At worst it would be assault.

V x

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"I’d keep the wounds covered so that they heal better and less chance of infection.

Hope your OK.

I totally agree, it wasn't in the dungeon part of the club and they are sore today and each scratch is hurting more.

Scratch ?? Not a deep wound then ?

Deep enough to draw blood split open and scab over. It will scar as it's quite deep."

How sharp were her nails?! I've got stiletto nails and even when first done I'd have to put some force behind them to draw blood let alone cause deep cuts!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP. Whatever happened it was without your consent. Consent is more than just saying no. Consent has to be enthusiastic and you quite clearly weren’t.

I’m appalled and disappointed in the community response... that you have to justify yourself here, simply because you are a man.

Decide how you want to deal with it but know this.

If you didn’t give your consent then you were assaulted.

V x

Spanking is fine, to be honest it was my 1st time with a shoe horn, I got bruised off that and I have no problem or issue with the bruises. Just the nails. No no fucking no! Not even in vanilla relationships.

I guess it is assault as I just wanted the spanking bottom half. Not to be scratched on the top.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you safeword?

Yes I did.

Safe words should never be ignored. That’s completely overstepping your limits. The moment a safe word is said or signed, all play should stop. I’m appalled that she ignored this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Call the police immediately... this is sexual assault...

It’s about time men spoke up about sexual assault... remember it’s not your fault... you didn’t ask for this...

Contact the club and ask for video evidence.. that will help the police with your case...

I’m very sorry this happened to you.... unfortunately you’re not alone.... maybe if you are successful, this will inspire more men to speak up....

I’m sending you hugs"
agreed x

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By *he riverdeep69Couple
over a year ago

North west ish

"I’d keep the wounds covered so that they heal better and less chance of infection.

Hope your OK.

I totally agree, it wasn't in the dungeon part of the club and they are sore today and each scratch is hurting more.

Scratch ?? Not a deep wound then ?

Deep enough to draw blood split open and scab over. It will scar as it's quite deep.

How sharp were her nails?! I've got stiletto nails and even when first done I'd have to put some force behind them to draw blood let alone cause deep cuts! "

My nails aren't sharp but I could certainly do damage if I wanted to. What exactly are you trying to imply?

I hope you are ok OP. It is horrible and wrong what has happened to you. I hope you are ok. I would certainly mention it to the club, as they sound like a sick and dangerous individual.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’d keep the wounds covered so that they heal better and less chance of infection.

Hope your OK.

I totally agree, it wasn't in the dungeon part of the club and they are sore today and each scratch is hurting more.

Scratch ?? Not a deep wound then ?

Deep enough to draw blood split open and scab over. It will scar as it's quite deep.

How sharp were her nails?! I've got stiletto nails and even when first done I'd have to put some force behind them to draw blood let alone cause deep cuts!

My nails aren't sharp but I could certainly do damage if I wanted to. What exactly are you trying to imply?

I hope you are ok OP. It is horrible and wrong what has happened to you. I hope you are ok. I would certainly mention it to the club, as they sound like a sick and dangerous individual."

Thanks river deep, just been thinking I would love to see the footage, someone said your bleeding on the 1st dig as there was a few watching, everyone was saying turn around and I was tingling with pain but to do it again was a piss take, I saw red, and agreed there is some sick ppl out there. X

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"I’d keep the wounds covered so that they heal better and less chance of infection.

Hope your OK.

I totally agree, it wasn't in the dungeon part of the club and they are sore today and each scratch is hurting more.

Scratch ?? Not a deep wound then ?

Deep enough to draw blood split open and scab over. It will scar as it's quite deep.

How sharp were her nails?! I've got stiletto nails and even when first done I'd have to put some force behind them to draw blood let alone cause deep cuts!

My nails aren't sharp but I could certainly do damage if I wanted to. What exactly are you trying to imply?

I hope you are ok OP. It is horrible and wrong what has happened to you. I hope you are ok. I would certainly mention it to the club, as they sound like a sick and dangerous individual."

I'm not trying to imply anything. Why are you being aggressive?

I'm just making an observation that with my own very sharp stiletto shaped nails I'd have to put some fairly serious effort into inflicting deep wounds as described by the OP.

Having seen the marks on his back they do look bad.

He has been given lots of good advice on here. It's up to him to. Decode how to take forward.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for all the advice and all the support. It has been spot on on what I should do.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

"Did you safeword?

I can't see how a safeword would have helped. Fucking amateurs who lose control are a blight. If it had been a woman OP, would you have asked the question?

Yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d keep the wounds covered so that they heal better and less chance of infection.

Hope your OK.

I totally agree, it wasn't in the dungeon part of the club and they are sore today and each scratch is hurting more.

Scratch ?? Not a deep wound then ?

Deep enough to draw blood split open and scab over. It will scar as it's quite deep.

How sharp were her nails?! I've got stiletto nails and even when first done I'd have to put some force behind them to draw blood let alone cause deep cuts! "

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

"Did you safeword?

A safeword is no use for stopping someone clawing you with long nails."

Agreed but it does show definite non-consent.

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By *assionate1971Man
over a year ago

Herts

Bdsm isn’t only for punishing and rewarding. Dom should care for the sub and should have self control . I will come out of this relationship , if it was me .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just an update. It looks like it's going to scar in places. I had a meet today and she was like look at the marks.. I had to explain and said no nails no scratching. Even though she touched my back I was a little nervous and when she touched the marks they felt sore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was in a club getting spanked by a shoe horn, this was fine and acceptable.

I took the shoe horn well and after about 8-10 hits I was burnished but not hurting.

Can I ask what members would have done in this situation!?"

Did you agree boundaries and a safe word to stop all activities?

I ask because, this scenario is typical of the general public's lack of ignorance and understanding of bdsm dynamics. As a bottom or submissive in this case, your Top is ultimately responsible for your safety and wellbeing.

Now if you had a saveword, said it and they choose to ignore it. They are breaking your trust and consent to the agreed terms and boundaries of your scene.

Every sexual or bdsm encounter with another who you do not have implicit trust in, should have a basic outline of the do's don't's, like's dislikes, and ultimately a stop action like a safe word or movement.

Without this you leave yourself wide open to abuse as this seems to have been.

You can take action if you so wish or notch it up to a life lession.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

OP has asked what he could have done in the situation.

I want to comment on pre-play and after play.

Pre-Play: It appears as if OP discussed consent and safe words, which is more than a lot of people do.

I think there has been a lot of best practice suggested, however if people think it is hard for males on Fab, it is at least twice as hard in the world of bdsm. I am talking as someone who was a single dom. For every single female sub at an event there is at least 4 or more doms. For a submissive man it is twice as bad again. The last event I attended there were five submissive women and two doms, ten submissive men and the house domme. The point I am making is that a submissive man finding someone interested in playing and who is not the house domme or a pro domme. So I think OP did the best in a bad situation, if you get a chance to play you take it.

Post- Play it is my understanding that some submissives who have been through a scene and have been abused take time to firstly to come out of the submissive frame of mind and secondly to process what has happened. This seems to have happened to OP. Although sometimes it can take hours to days to process the situation.

It can be difficult for a submissive post scene to directly talk to the abuser because of the submissive nature of the abused. In the situation there is no right or wrong way to behave. There is of course a hypothetical best practice as set out in other comments but you have to look at the actual person in the situation. Therefore if the abused has the mental strength to confront the abuser and inform the club they should. The other option is to process it and get advice as OP has done and then decide.

The Trust Conundrum. I think people can set out best practice but the reality is very few people keep to it. I think this is because when someone wants to play they will play. If the other person seems half decent they will get it on with them. The risk works both for dom/me and subs. The dom/me puts themselves at risk of being accused of abuse and sub risks being abused.

I used to take my floggers to Kestrels and other clubs and most times I got to use them and each time both parties were happy. Generally most of the women I played with had partners who were watching, or the women knew me from regularly being at Kestrels.

I believe if you are playing with someone new at a club have a friend watch the scene or ask the house dom/me keep an eye on things.

My issue with the view you should get to know someone really well before you play does not guarantee the person will behave.

There seems to be the view that abusers are unable to withhold their desires until they have the trust of the person they wish to abuse. There is also the notion that a bdsm meeting is more dangerous than meeting for sex. No evidence is presented that this being the case.

Clearly the advice would be best practice should be followed. But given human nature and the circumstances, the failure to follow best practice is not necessarily a learning matter or a cause of blame. This is because abusive people are generally good at hiding their nature.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly - this has happened. It shouldn't have. The club should be vigilant in taking care of their patrons. The person who did this to you - assaulted you - should be banned.

You can go to the police but it's a tricky one. Will they just say that if you attend clubs like this - it's likely to happen and you were aware of the risks??

Get the gouges looked at. Make sure there's no infection.

Then hugs ..... move on xx

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