FabSwingers.com forum: Arousal

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So I have been married 7 years and sex is now non existent, I have tried massages, meals out, surprise underwear, flowers nothing seems to make her want to engage, anyone have any tips ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Say you're leaving see if that perks her up or maybe as you have an account here so does she and she's getting all she needs either way you're buggered

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

Flagrante

Does surprise underwear give electrics shocks??....but seriously...have you tried talking to her to find out why she's gone off you?

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

What was the trigger?

People don't stop having sex for no reason at all.

Birth of a child is a fairly common reason, which could be down to hormonal changes, psychological or just plain old tiredness from running around organising the kids lives 24/7.

If someone has had a major change in there life, you could be cassanova and all the flowers in the world will not get them hot for you.

A conversation however is a good starting point. Talking about feelings and that you feel she is no longer attracted to you could be a start. Don't blame just try to understand.

Once you understand you can work on solutions, if there are any.

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

7 year itch. Maybe she needs an affair

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Brilliant advice i have never been a talker and I avoid conflict whenever I can I don't want to see her upset and it's likely that she will, I have tried getting myself in more shape tidying myself up so to speak too thought it might prompt a conversation but nothing

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

I'm not a big talker either but having honest conversations with the one you love should be the exception to that.

If you saw someone crying but did not speak to them how would you help?

You can't help, without communicating first. Is it physical, emotional, psychological etc. Acts of seduction would be physical signs of affection. As they have not worked something else is likely to be the issue rather than your looks or lack of gifts.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Most likely yes, thankyou she doesn't show me any signs of affection anymore not just sex no cuddles doesn't take the lead holding my hand or kissing me etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does she know you are on fabswingers?.

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By *electableDalliancesCouple
over a year ago

leeds

Putting aside the fact you've been on here a year.

Talk to her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just the fact that you've gone on fab but haven't asked her what the problem is...that would put most wives off. S.

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By *illy_the_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

hoorn, Netherlands

If you can't have an open and honest conversation on a relationship then it's doomed to fail, I wouldn't say cheating on her on a swinging site is going to improve anything. Sack up and talk to her

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for the advice I just need to man up, difficult situation tho

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're in a difficult situation OP and it's not easy when someone doesn't show you any physical attention, it doesn't exactly make you feel wanted and needed which pushes you away. This then makes the possibility of talking even harder to do, but unfortunately it's the only answer to your question.

You need to sit her down and have an honest and open conversation with her, be prepared to listen well, then go from there. Good luck OP.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thankyou lovely xx I'm probaly making excuses but it's hard when kid in the way too etc and I work shifts so can go a week without seeing her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thankyou lovely xx I'm probaly making excuses but it's hard when kid in the way too etc and I work shifts so can go a week without seeing her"

It sounds like you need to see your gp. Make an appointment for the both of you. Your so young too to throw it all away.

Pluck up the courage and talk if not ask your gp. Could be many reasons why she is so cold towards you.

Tell her you are on here.

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By *electableDalliancesCouple
over a year ago

leeds

"Thankyou lovely xx I'm probaly making excuses but it's hard when kid in the way too etc and I work shifts so can go a week without seeing her"

Maybe seeing your child as a "kid in the way" could be a factor.

And if you don't see her does that mean she's a lone parent much of the time ? This also could just be so stressful that tending to your needs aren't high on her agenda, if you co parent and share the workload please disregard my last paragraph x

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By *electableDalliancesCouple
over a year ago

leeds

As a side note when I was juggling looking after young children and household jobs,my man washing up and doing the hoovering was more of an aphrodisiac than any chocolate or underwear, that he understood I was struggling and wanted to take some of the strain spoke volumes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I do loads of jobs cooking cleaning childcare washing no effect sadly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She may be aware of you cheating x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do loads of jobs cooking cleaning childcare washing no effect sadly"

Wow... It's hard

A wife to provide for

Your child... Your baby... Kids are baby goats

You work shifts

You don't see her she don't see you... I feel like your love has been lost.

It takes two to tango

Love to hear her side

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By *hubnwife_36dd_ukCouple
over a year ago

chester

Speaking as one of "us two" who have managed several decades of being together there is only one key to keeping it all going: COMMUNICATION!

If you can't tell her there is a problem and she can't tell you then unless by some miracle a third party intervenes and bangs your heads together then there isn't a hope in hell of fixing anything.

It doesn't have to be confrontational. You just got to make some quiet time together and then ask her if she's feeling left out of the relationship because of her workload and you being on shifts. Then tell her you're asking because it feels like that for you too.

Then between you devise together time. That doesn't mean having to jet off to somewhere exotic. The kitchen is exotic if it gives 5 minutes of just cuddling and holding on a regular basis.

Together time can even be just doing jobs together. In the garden here she is the boss as she knows all about plants and stuff. I dig holes under direction and mow the lawn. but it does mean we are together and I can grab a sneaky squeeze or kiss from time to time.

Good luck.

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By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

"Thankyou lovely xx I'm probaly making excuses but it's hard when kid in the way too etc and I work shifts so can go a week without seeing her"

tbh all the more reason she should be all over you, mr northy used to travel with work and i could not get enough of him when he returned lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So instead of trying to talk about your relationship and see why has all the passion gone - why not go on a sex site and cheat on your partner... And then complain. Am I the only one who doesn't support cheats?

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By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

"I do loads of jobs cooking cleaning childcare washing no effect sadly

Wow... It's hard

A wife to provide for

Your child... Your baby... Kids are baby goats

You work shifts

You don't see her she don't see you... I feel like your love has been lost.

It takes two to tango

Love to hear her side

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I have been married 7 years and sex is now non existent, I have tried massages, meals out, surprise underwear, flowers nothing seems to make her want to engage, anyone have any tips ?"

Check out PST Psycho Sexual Therapist and find a person local to you, Yes it will cost you but it's cheaper than divorce and a lot healthier than staying in a relationship which in truth neither of you will be happy with.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"You're in a difficult situation OP and it's not easy when someone doesn't show you any physical attention, it doesn't exactly make you feel wanted and needed which pushes you away. This then makes the possibility of talking even harder to do, but unfortunately it's the only answer to your question.

You need to sit her down and have an honest and open conversation with her, be prepared to listen well, then go from there. Good luck OP. "

This completely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I have been married 7 years and sex is now non existent, I have tried massages, meals out, surprise underwear, flowers nothing seems to make her want to engage, anyone have any tips ?"

As we all know sex is great. Therefore, there must be a reason your wife has gone off sex. You need to talk to her and find out why. Tell her a sex life is important to you.

The problem with long term relationships is keeping things fresh. You both kind of know what the other one is going to do next. If you don't work at it sex can become samey.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I have been married 7 years and sex is now non existent, I have tried massages, meals out, surprise underwear, flowers nothing seems to make her want to engage, anyone have any tips ?"

The reason I want to fuck my man is because he's funny and I like his company. He's shit at massage and he's never bought me flowers. I like eating out now and again but I'd much rather try and beat him at cards or fifa. The way to a woman's knickers is talking to her and be good company x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Brilliant advice i have never been a talker and I avoid conflict whenever I can I don't want to see her upset and it's likely that she will, I have tried getting myself in more shape tidying myself up so to speak too thought it might prompt a conversation but nothing"
Can I ask why are you asking us worthy people for advice one year into your membership? The advice we give I might add is second to none mind

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Asking because things have been playing on my mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Asking because things have been playing on my mind "
have you met anyone? How are you able to accom?

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

It could be anything that's putting her off op,the best person to ask is her.

Then be prepared to deal either whatever you find out.

She could already be suspicious of you,especially if you have like you say smartened yourself up a bit...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I have been married 7 years and sex is now non existent, I have tried massages, meals out, surprise underwear, flowers nothing seems to make her want to engage, anyone have any tips ?"

Rohypnol

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By *eepgliderMan
over a year ago

Chacewater

"Thanks for the advice I just need to man up, difficult situation tho"

Maybe you are already in the worst situation, and you don't have to tread so lightly? If you try to talk and she shuts it down with a firm closed-ended brush-off, talks and talks in a monologue and puts up a wall of sound explaining how happy we (sic.) are, or any of these things, you are only confirming you are in the place you are in. Then you can work out were to go from here. If she reaches out for your figuratively outreaching hand - then maybe something good can happen.

Just my thoughts - can't say how right they are...

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By *eepgliderMan
over a year ago

Chacewater

"So I have been married 7 years and sex is now non existent, I have tried massages, meals out, surprise underwear, flowers nothing seems to make her want to engage, anyone have any tips ?"

In swinging and at clubs, while in a couple before, we met lots of people - both ladies and guys - who love their spouse but will not and / or cannot live without sex - so they go swinging, have a play-partner, etc.

One variant which I found amusing when I/we first met it is a "couple" on the scene who explain they are married - but no to each other... A lady who isn't getting sex in marriage meets a guy who isn't getting sex in marriage, and they develop this third entity, their "primary play partner" relationship - from which they may or may not "swing".

Etc.

People do find ways of coping, while keeping family and marriage together.

Some people find the sex and excitement they need outside their marriage with the knowledge of their spouse. Often it's "I don't want to know the details, and I couldn't take being publicly embarrassed - but I know you need to go and do what you do".

So even if things have taken up the form they are always going to be, it doesn't have to mean the end of your marriage - which is good news?!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Great tips thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in the same situation as you OP, although no children involved. I had to leave the relationship as despite everything my ex just didn’t want sex and I was made to feel it was all my fault. Hope you manage to work things out!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Aw thankyou I really don't want that to happen but I need to feel loved

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How long you been married?

Has she lost her libido by having your kids?

Are you sleeping in same bed still..

Ask your gp.

Seek advice

You can work it out.

Fab isn't the place to find love though.

Kind regards

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Married 7 years together nearly 10 all sex has pretty much stopped since birth of child 5 years ago

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By *ingerrrrWoman
over a year ago

Meath

"Most likely yes, thankyou she doesn't show me any signs of affection anymore not just sex no cuddles doesn't take the lead holding my hand or kissing me etc"

She won’t initiate any of those things because she’s probably afraid you’ll take it as a que for sex. Try the hug but nothing more (even if you really really want it) tell her it’s just hugs. Don’t try ambush her into sex. Give affection... and talk to her. It could be something simple.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have tried the gentle very little contact approach to no avail but maybe if I go back to it ! I just get so caught up and want her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Married 7 years together nearly 10 all sex has pretty much stopped since birth of child 5 years ago"

There is your answer

Lost her libido after bearing you child. It happens a lot. Maybe she is scared of all sorts of things. Talk to your gp about it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I need to talk to her before GP I think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So instead of trying to talk about your relationship and see why has all the passion gone - why not go on a sex site and cheat on your partner... And then complain. Am I the only one who doesn't support cheats?"

Don't get me started on cheats it's so wrong! And people just do it with ease which baffles me

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