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Do you tell future partners about swinging past???

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

If you start a monogamous relationship,should you tell partner about previous lifestyle??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not the gory details, no, however, I believe in being honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I too believe in honesty. Though if your past is as a single male meeting single females is it that different to shagging around?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you start a monogamous relationship,should you tell partner about previous lifestyle?? "

Three possible scenarios,

1. Disgust.

2. Curiosity.

3. Accepts your past but not for her.

With the first it may end your new relationship, the second could definitely enhance it and the third retains what you have.

You have to make a judgement call on what it is you want, what her reaction is likely to be and the consequences.

Keeping it a secret may be a difficult thing to do so honesty is probably the best policy from the outset.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks...abit daunting but i guess honesty is the best policy...would have to have a few drinks then blurt it out..lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have had peeps who could not "handle" my past and walked away at the onset of a potentially meaningful relationship.

To me it is no big deal, as I would not be able to feel comfortable being with someone who cannot accept me for what I am, warts and all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes cause the truth ALWAYS outs eventually whether we like it or not xx

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

That is why I don't think I could ever date a non swinger.. the look on a person face when you tell them. I even had one walk off the date because of it muttering something under his breath.

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

I will always be honest. Swinging has essentially moulded me as a person, and to deny that would be unfair.

Also most of my friends I see on a regular basis are swingers. I know people from all over the country, I would have to explain to someone how I knew such a diverse range of people, and I could never deny my friends.

I've had one relationship break down because I told him about swinging, he assumed that I would give it all up, the sex, the socials, the friends. Where if I did meet someone, I'd be able to give up the sex side of swinging, I'd never be able to stop seeing my friends, or stop the social side, because that is what attracted me to this scene in the first place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually tell potential new partners at the onset before arranging to meet up. If they cannot jump pass that hurdle, then they are not likely to be compatible with me.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I am curious as to what sort of conversation you'd have to be having for the subject to come up. I can honestly say I have never been asked, not once, if I was a swinger. Most people out there don't even know what it is!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't wait to be asked as I normally bring the subject up myself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Very very interesting people...thanks for your input..once a swinger always a swinger me thinks..i'll play it by ear..cheers guys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I play with single gents only, at least as single as I could ascertain based on available information. If that makes me a swinger, then so be it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did. We ended up swinging together. Best be honest I say.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead


"I will always be honest. Swinging has essentially moulded me as a person, and to deny that would be unfair.

Also most of my friends I see on a regular basis are swingers. I know people from all over the country, I would have to explain to someone how I knew such a diverse range of people, and I could never deny my friends.

I've had one relationship break down because I told him about swinging, he assumed that I would give it all up, the sex, the socials, the friends. Where if I did meet someone, I'd be able to give up the sex side of swinging, I'd never be able to stop seeing my friends, or stop the social side, because that is what attracted me to this scene in the first place.

"

I don't think you could have put it any better myself.... I have been in this exact situation! how soon do you tell them may well be the more interesting question, but I would always tell them....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I enjoy the social side of the swinging community, and shall continue to attend clubs and social events even if I am in a vanilla relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my opinion on this is what someone did before i met them has nothing to do with me, and visa versa, not telling someone about something that happened is not lying or being dis honest, unless they ask you questions that relate to the subject and you dont tell the truth in your replies

if i ever got into a relationship with a guy i wouldnt ever tell him i was on sites like this, because i wouldnt want someone i cared about knowing i went to clubs, tried women and hand gang bangs etc this is a side of my life that i do because im single and i have noone else to worry about but me, if i got into a relationship i would stop at the drop of a hat for someone i cared about and i wouldnt want this side of my life coming with me

if for whatever reason he said, have you ever been to a swinging club, not quite sure why he'd ask that but just an example lol i would be honest but i wouldnt bring the sunject up first

everyone has their own views on this tho i just feel our lifes before we meet someone does not concern them and does not need to be told, and yes i feel the same the other way round, i wouldnt be upset if i found out something my partner did before i met them but they didnt tell me, because thats their buisness and i dont feel i have the rights to know the ins and outs of someones life because im with them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I don't see why you'd mention it unless you wanted to continue the lifestyle. I wouldn't view it as being dishonest, there's no need to go into every nitty gritty, too much info overwhelms me and puts me off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am on a date site and i insist on every date that i have that i tell them that i have been involved in the lifestyle, many have been curious and asked questions, which i answer truthfully, but im not prepared to give up the lifestyle yet so id rather find someone who may enjoy it too, and if i have to go on a hundreed dates to find the fella im looking for, then so be it. Why should i conform to a vanilla lifestyle and give up the one i enjoy. And at least the guys ive met ( many of whom im very good friends with) know that i am totally honest and respect me for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd always tell the truth, as to be honest its part of who I am... I'm not going to be with someone that doesn't get what I am about.

To not tell would to me be the same as telling a lie... It would also not be telling them who I really am so would mean that there was no future any way.

When looking for a boyfriend I'm always honest that it will not only include my master but others,...

Cali x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i was very lucky and actually found my girlfriend through fab. She was my 1st meet that i had on this site.

I also have profiles on other sites saying that i am into swinging and i feel this scares most women off.

why this would be the outcome i will never know.

Is it because 'swinging' is portrayed as seedy?

If only people knew the half of it and most people in swinging enjoy the social side as the sex side of things.

My views on the dating side of things is to either put it on your profile from the off so that unsuspecting people know of your lifestyle or to actually bring the subject up.

Earlier post to this thread said about being honest from the start which is

the best thing as at some time in the future our past always catches up with us.

If people cant handle what we all do they are not really compattible for us as they cannot accept the past

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The op is if you start a monogamous relationship. I don't discuss past meets with meets, didn't discuss past boyfriends with boyfriends and don't think I could date someone who expected monogamy.

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By *lubPartyPeepsCouple
over a year ago

London

You don't have much choice when your half way through writing a guide book to the scene at the time, fortunately she took one look at a club web site and said 'When can we go...'

My other partners would all the same. I would never say to a partner, do you want to go swinging. Saying 'do you want to go to a club where you can dress as sexy as fuck and not get any hassle of guys and we can also go and fuck in a jacuzzi..' tends to work alot better, let them set the pace after that and its all good. Think about the relationship first, if handled right the rest will come in time.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

i would not enter into a monogamous relationship...simple as that.i am fortunate,i have my soulmate,we have been together for 22 years,however if aliens abducted him and i were looking again then any man who cared for me would accept that monogamy was not on the cards.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i suppose it depends where you're looking

if you want to carry on swinging and are actively looking for a relationship, maybe its best not to start dating your brothers wifes best mate

there are plenty of singles who do this looking for a relationship, so to me it would make more sence to try and date someone whos already into it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i tend to not mention it at all,

this is something i kinda do all private for myself,

i dont tell no friends, only 1 friend knows about it who isnt part of this scene (lol he found my photo verification bit of paper with website and my user id on, and saw last visited websites when he loaded google crome on pc - thanks/how embarrassing lol!)

i only come on here to play when im single, and at the same time im on a dating site trying to find someone to be with. when i do i never tell them about this.

if they talk about things they done sexually before then if i feel they wont run a mile im up for telling them some of the things ive done.

but main reason i dont really tell anyone about it is i dont want to go out with someone whos going to want to do all this as well. i'd rather just have normal relationship as i like that more. see if im doing it as a single or coupled up with another single lass then if i dont want to do it no more or not into what im being asked to do its very easy to stop and move on, if im going out with someone then i think it would just complicate it, and may only take 1 meet to ruin a good relationship

ive been in couples on here plenty of times before and been out with people on here or sites like this, and i just cant get into going out them in the same way i can if i found someone to date the normal ways.

so i dont really see the point of telling people what ive done unless i think they have done the same or would just accept it or be curious but not want to do it, as last thing i'd want to do is go out with someone then turn into swingers with them and maybe ruin something that would of been great had we not bothered swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well as and when I would be ready for a relationship therein would lie the dilema. I dont think I could give up the swinging, but at this place in time I dont think I could ever get into a swinging relationship again. I tried it for 3 years and it was all one sided. Am honest with vanilla men who I have seen about what I do, and yes they are curious. I dont tell them the nitty gritty of it all but answer truthfully any questions that they have with regard to it. To me at the moment its all about finding myself and being a free liberated woman doing whatever she wants when she feels like it

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By *un_JuiceCouple
over a year ago

Nr Chester

I did and having given consideration it was well received now we're a team and it's wonderful

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By *ap AdgeMan
over a year ago

Wirral

its up to you if you want to go swinging the future with her

but would tell her sometime is she asks were you learnt your trade from

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By *abe1200Couple
over a year ago

belfast

no need.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i tend to not mention it at all,

this is something i kinda do all private for myself,

i dont tell no friends, only 1 friend knows about it who isnt part of this scene (lol he found my photo verification bit of paper with website and my user id on, and saw last visited websites when he loaded google crome on pc - thanks/how embarrassing lol!)

i only come on here to play when im single, and at the same time im on a dating site trying to find someone to be with. when i do i never tell them about this.

if they talk about things they done sexually before then if i feel they wont run a mile im up for telling them some of the things ive done.

but main reason i dont really tell anyone about it is i dont want to go out with someone whos going to want to do all this as well. i'd rather just have normal relationship as i like that more. see if im doing it as a single or coupled up with another single lass then if i dont want to do it no more or not into what im being asked to do its very easy to stop and move on, if im going out with someone then i think it would just complicate it, and may only take 1 meet to ruin a good relationship

ive been in couples on here plenty of times before and been out with people on here or sites like this, and i just cant get into going out them in the same way i can if i found someone to date the normal ways.

so i dont really see the point of telling people what ive done unless i think they have done the same or would just accept it or be curious but not want to do it, as last thing i'd want to do is go out with someone then turn into swingers with them and maybe ruin something that would of been great had we not bothered swinging.

"

Interesting take on mutual respect there. Swingers aren't normal - nice...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have told a couple of people what I do for my hobby, but it has never gone well.

I would much rather tell someone, though, and have it nipped off in the bud, than lie (either outright or by omision)......

It's up to you, do you think you can live without the girl if you tell her or do you think you can live the lie with her?.............

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest, no I wouldn't, but the truth is I wouldn't be lying much anyway.

If I were to meet someone say, off here, I'd like it to remain our little secret.

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus


"i tend to not mention it at all,

this is something i kinda do all private for myself,

i dont tell no friends, only 1 friend knows about it who isnt part of this scene (lol he found my photo verification bit of paper with website and my user id on, and saw last visited websites when he loaded google crome on pc - thanks/how embarrassing lol!)

i only come on here to play when im single, and at the same time im on a dating site trying to find someone to be with. when i do i never tell them about this.

if they talk about things they done sexually before then if i feel they wont run a mile im up for telling them some of the things ive done.

but main reason i dont really tell anyone about it is i dont want to go out with someone whos going to want to do all this as well. i'd rather just have normal relationship as i like that more. see if im doing it as a single or coupled up with another single lass then if i dont want to do it no more or not into what im being asked to do its very easy to stop and move on, if im going out with someone then i think it would just complicate it, and may only take 1 meet to ruin a good relationship

ive been in couples on here plenty of times before and been out with people on here or sites like this, and i just cant get into going out them in the same way i can if i found someone to date the normal ways.

so i dont really see the point of telling people what ive done unless i think they have done the same or would just accept it or be curious but not want to do it, as last thing i'd want to do is go out with someone then turn into swingers with them and maybe ruin something that would of been great had we not bothered swinging.

"

AAaahhhhhh...........

One of the "I'll fuck your wife for you" .......BUT....... "I'd never let anyone touch my woman" brigade.

Nice to know that swinging women are there to be used by you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i tend to not mention it at all,

this is something i kinda do all private for myself,

i dont tell no friends, only 1 friend knows about it who isnt part of this scene (lol he found my photo verification bit of paper with website and my user id on, and saw last visited websites when he loaded google crome on pc - thanks/how embarrassing lol!)

i only come on here to play when im single, and at the same time im on a dating site trying to find someone to be with. when i do i never tell them about this.

if they talk about things they done sexually before then if i feel they wont run a mile im up for telling them some of the things ive done.

but main reason i dont really tell anyone about it is i dont want to go out with someone whos going to want to do all this as well. i'd rather just have normal relationship as i like that more. see if im doing it as a single or coupled up with another single lass then if i dont want to do it no more or not into what im being asked to do its very easy to stop and move on, if im going out with someone then i think it would just complicate it, and may only take 1 meet to ruin a good relationship

ive been in couples on here plenty of times before and been out with people on here or sites like this, and i just cant get into going out them in the same way i can if i found someone to date the normal ways.

so i dont really see the point of telling people what ive done unless i think they have done the same or would just accept it or be curious but not want to do it, as last thing i'd want to do is go out with someone then turn into swingers with them and maybe ruin something that would of been great had we not bothered swinging.

AAaahhhhhh...........

One of the "I'll fuck your wife for you" .......BUT....... "I'd never let anyone touch my woman" brigade.

Nice to know that swinging women are there to be used by you.

"

lol im not really im not using anyone, everything on here is all mutural, most couples ive been with on my own have always been doing things for their own kicks rather than trying to please me, so if anything its the other way around, but i dont mind playing the part, hence its all mutural

and not like i dont like anyone else to touch anyone im with, as ive swung with lasses ive been with on here plenty of times as I've had couple accounts on here and other sites as well,

so i dont mind playing and swapping.

but i dont think i would really see the benifit of going out with someone serious outside of the swinging world,, and then having a good relationship for the future (which is what i want so can start a family etc) then introducing swinging into the relationship, sure it might pay off, but chances are its going to cause a problem for most people, espiecially someone new who hasnt done it before, thats a hell of a wildcard to risk a good relationship on, all just for more excitement in the bedroom, which you can always create for yourselves 1 on 1 easily enough if you make the effort.

i just value the other stuff in a long term relationship more than swinging, and swingings something i can easily pick up and put down when ever i want to. see i'd rather have the home, the girl and kids the full works, than risk it all for group sex.

for me alot of what i do on here is just finding myself sexually, doing all the things i always wanted to do, and i've done almost all my fantasies and everything i always wished i could of done when i used to be 11 stone bigger (and used to get next to no attention lol - get your violins out lol)

i guess i just go through stages personally, sometimes i just want to play and have the fun, others i could quite happily leave it all and settle with someone. i know its something thats always here for me, but ive no problem in shutting up shop and staying true with someone, and not bringing others into it, thats just how i'd rather build a family for me.

plus i think if you were going to bring it into a relationship, surely you would do it after you been together years and years than early on, that way you know if your solid enough or not to cope with the extra demands it can create on the relationship

so its not like i wont share and play with others, but if im with someone whos not a swinger then im not going to bring them into it incase it ruins everything, i might be male but i dont always think with my cock and balls

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

My (G's) ex didn't tell me her past when we got together in our mid 20s. I knew she was by no means a virgin, but I was amazed when she told me much later how many men she'd had. Despite this, she didn't want to try swinging.

When Rose and I got together, we told one another everything, and it was clear we both enjoyed sexual variety, so we tried swinging and we haven't looked back since. Honesty is the best policy.

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By *lack_BoltMan
over a year ago

oxford


"my opinion on this is what someone did before i met them has nothing to do with me, and visa versa, not telling someone about something that happened is not lying or being dis honest, unless they ask you questions that relate to the subject and you dont tell the truth in your replies

if i ever got into a relationship with a guy i wouldnt ever tell him i was on sites like this, because i wouldnt want someone i cared about knowing i went to clubs, tried women and hand gang bangs etc this is a side of my life that i do because im single and i have noone else to worry about but me, if i got into a relationship i would stop at the drop of a hat for someone i cared about and i wouldnt want this side of my life coming with me

if for whatever reason he said, have you ever been to a swinging club, not quite sure why he'd ask that but just an example lol i would be honest but i wouldnt bring the sunject up first

everyone has their own views on this tho i just feel our lifes before we meet someone does not concern them and does not need to be told, and yes i feel the same the other way round, i wouldnt be upset if i found out something my partner did before i met them but they didnt tell me, because thats their buisness and i dont feel i have the rights to know the ins and outs of someones life because im with them

"

I pretty much agree with this.

I find it odd that some find it necessary to spill all about your life, loves, and interests just because you're a couple or entering a relationship.

Being honest is one thing but turning it into a confessional is another thing entirely. So the above comment fits in pretty nicely with how I see it too.

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