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Ripped off?

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By *ammiejuk OP   Woman
over a year ago

Letchworth

First time posting in these forums so bear with me.......

I met a guy last week, my first time after being back on the swinging scene after 8 years. We've had a lot of chat and text before and a few since.

We had a lovely meet last week and he took me to dinner and surprised me with a gift of some sexy undies.

He wanted me to meet again today and I said I would think about it. However as it took me an hour to drive last time and the fact I have to leave my teenage daughter babysitting my younger two I decided it was just too far away to be from my children in case there was an emergency.

I wrote him a polite message explaining that although I had a really lovely time I couldn't meet him anymore due to the circumstances described above and the fact as I was new back to the scene I am still trying to find my feet and see what suits me (which he knew from the outset).

I got a really rude message back simply saying "do I feel ripped off or what!"

Am I in the wrong here or do I just put it down to a bad experience?

Sammiej x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

that must be awful for you

put it down to bad expirience

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like sour grapes on his part rather than anything you did wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just block and move on

he isnt worth your time chick x

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By *orks funMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

send him the undies back through the post if he feels like he hard done too !

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

wy cant he come to you?

how was he ripped off? did he pay fr anything on your initial meet? even if he did its a bi crass to say he was ripped off!!

sour grapes - dont sweat it x x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No your not in the wrong. I assume you never asked him to buy you dinner or by you undies? If not then that was his choice. If he thinks that gives him any rights over you then he is wrong.

Don't let him put you off, get out there and have fun x

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

oh - just read about the undies!!

you didnt ask for them, they were a gift. More fool him if he thought they were a sure way to get you into bed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"oh - just read about the undies!!

you didnt ask for them, they were a gift. More fool him if he thought they were a sure way to get you into bed "

Yeah, sounds a bit shallow on his part. To be honest, based on that and hs subsequent reaction it does sound a lucky escape for the OP in my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not worth it

if he was a man, let alone a gentleman he would accept that circumstances change

as a general rule I prefer never to arrange anything more than a social drink. I have never accepted a gift. I've accepted dinner one or two times, and on those occasions I have been very happy to pay my share (as I am sure you would have).

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By *ammiejuk OP   Woman
over a year ago

Letchworth

Thanks guys, was having a moment of self doubt there, but will put it down to experience and move on!

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By *ohjaneCouple
over a year ago

south staffs

His attitude doesn't sound nice but I would just point out that we have only one side of this story. We do not know what was said or agreed on the texts or during the meet itself.

To put the other side of the coin, it could be taken as a bit mercenary to drop him altogether just because of distance, despite all the "getting to know" that you had done before ?

Jane x

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By *riendlymasseurMan
over a year ago

birmingham Warwickshire &Worcestershire

what an ass! You are better off without that rubbish take care x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its him not you. You did n't ask for anything nor should he have he expected anything. He could have always come to you. But things have to click and he should be man enough to accept things do n't. Block him and move on.

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By *ammiejuk OP   Woman
over a year ago

Letchworth

To clarify, he lives on the south coast and is in his hotel an hour away from me only on a Monday. I can't accomodate because I have children at home and he can't be flexible on the days we meet.

Think I just need to "man up" a bit and not be so sensitive to negative reactions lol

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside


"First time posting in these forums so bear with me.......

I met a guy last week, my first time after being back on the swinging scene after 8 years. We've had a lot of chat and text before and a few since.

We had a lovely meet last week and he took me to dinner and surprised me with a gift of some sexy undies.

He wanted me to meet again today and I said I would think about it. However as it took me an hour to drive last time and the fact I have to leave my teenage daughter babysitting my younger two I decided it was just too far away to be from my children in case there was an emergency.

I wrote him a polite message explaining that although I had a really lovely time I couldn't meet him anymore due to the circumstances described above and the fact as I was new back to the scene I am still trying to find my feet and see what suits me (which he knew from the outset).

I got a really rude message back simply saying "do I feel ripped off or what!"

Am I in the wrong here or do I just put it down to a bad experience?

Sammiej x"

How was he ripped off? He decided (from what you say) to buy you a gift. Thats is if that what he is refering to by saying he was ripped off.

You told him how things stand from your point of _iew before your first meet. You were then thoughtful enough to message him and explain with good reason why you could not meet him anymore.

Always do what you think is best and not what other men think you should do.

As has been said block and move on.

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

I think you may have had a lucky escape. The words bunny boiler come to mind. Can a man be a bunny boiler?

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By *erkshireMan123Man
over a year ago

Devizes

Im with the others here. you didnt ask for anything, and your family has to come first.. very much him in the wrong here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To clarify, he lives on the south coast and is in his hotel an hour away from me only on a Monday. I can't accomodate because I have children at home and he can't be flexible on the days we meet.

Think I just need to "man up" a bit and not be so sensitive to negative reactions lol"

its your terms and your rules babe

x

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

It is true that we only have the OPs point of _iew and the guy probably feels a bit hard done by. However, I had to check the OPs location as I know a couple of guys on here in my area who would have behaved exactly the same. I don't knowif the guy has kids or not but not everyone really understands the fact that for most of us they will ALWAYS come first. I have passed up several meets because, as horny as I was, my daughter is my priority.

Also, not being able to accommodate is a pain, and I would also be less likely to meet someone I had to travel a long way for. Just bad luck all round, and its a shame that, from what the OP posted, the guy assumed he'd hit paydirt. I wouldn't worry too much about it - he's probably messaging others on here right now!

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By *erkshireMan123Man
over a year ago

Devizes

the guy could always have driven closer to you and paid for a hotel couldnt he?

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley


"No your not in the wrong. I assume you never asked him to buy you dinner or by you undies? If not then that was his choice. If he thinks that gives him any rights over you then he is wrong.

Don't let him put you off, get out there and have fun x"

+1 it was his decision to treat you and your family circumstances must take priority. If he can't understand that then he's not worth knowing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hey he gave you present that means he is entitled to free sex for life, on demand, and frankly it doesn't matter whether you are satisfied or not, also you probably should pay the hotel bill for his other meets as well....(also you might want to consider bringing an iron as well, since you are a girl after all, as and every REAL man knows that it is your duty to do Ironing)......

thing is that a "no" means a "no", under any circumstances...and that is that...so there....regardless of the other side of the story, NO is NO...

the night Rubie and I met,I bought her a present, a remote control vibrating egg, we went on a pub crawl, she tried it, and We couldn't turn it off, then, and this is true, her bloody family walked in to this pub in the middle of nowhere.......with this egg going..and them asking how we met, we didn't have a back story or anything....

funny at the time, and funny now...

this is completely true...

Stay cool and enjoy yourself, our advice is consider meeting in clubs, it is so much easier for a single girl that way...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Eh hello!! Swinging site not dating!

Don't u worry Hun onwards & upwards.

Happy hunting!

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures

I would apologise on behalf of my gender for this persons crass behaviour ..... but he's clearly not a man

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures


"Eh hello!! Swinging site not dating!

"

so it would be ok to say that after a date?

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By *lubPartyPeepsCouple
over a year ago

London

Sour Grapes.

He could have been more cordial about it and maybe you might have been up for meeting another time in the future.

You didnt ask for a gift.

When I was single I did also sorts of romantic type gestures, as well as the more simple, 'fancy a date...' to women I wanted to embark on a relationship with.

One always has to take rejection politely and with good grace.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no just a bad experience ,people must be nieve to expect results ,at first meetings, i think it's important to get to know some one and you sound very genuinexx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you didn't ask for the undies so how he can say he feels ripped off is beyond me.

and i assume you both had a good night irregardless of the fact you may not want to see him again, so don't see where his issue lies there either.

it was a good experience that has unfortunately turned sour as he evidently wants more than you are willing or able to offer.

i hope you have more positive swinging experiences to help you realise that this situation was just 'one of those things' that didn't turn out as well as it could have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dont worry about it, if something dont feel right then dont do it, if people are too much block them, you can even block on alot of mobile phones if you want also.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no chance of ripping off the pearl necklace I gave the OP...

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By *obb2upCouple
over a year ago

Bangor


"Eh hello!! Swinging site not dating!

Don't u worry Hun onwards & upwards.

Happy hunting!"

Couldn't have put it better myself!

have fun xxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always select the meet to suite both..

I can afford to buy a round of drinks whilst chatting and if they are hungry maybe some crisps, but hope they have eat before hand

of course if they came round to mine, free food and drinks or I went to theirs, would take a bottle or two

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

One reason why I personally wouldnt accept dinner or gifts

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By *erkshireMan123Man
over a year ago

Devizes

dinner is ok surely?

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By *pple16Man
over a year ago

Macclesfield

name and shame!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"name and shame!!!!!!"

You'll get banned if you do...

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By *ortheastcoupleukCouple
over a year ago

easington were the sun dont shine

[Removed by poster at 22/11/11 16:15:56]

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By *ortheastcoupleukCouple
over a year ago

easington were the sun dont shine


"name and shame!!!!!!"
dont take this silly bit of advice hun

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest


"dinner is ok surely?"

For me personally no, although of course there is nothing wrong with it.

Having dinner feels a bit too much like having a 'date' to me. A coffee or a drink would be my preference.

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By *erkshireMan123Man
over a year ago

Devizes


"dinner is ok surely?

For me personally no, although of course there is nothing wrong with it.

Having dinner feels a bit too much like having a 'date' to me. A coffee or a drink would be my preference."

wow, i have to be honest and say that this realy surprises me.. Ive never meant anything by this in the past, and certainly didnt expect anything in return. we live and learn i guess. if anyone else agress I'll rethink in the future.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Always select the meet to suite both..

I can afford to buy a round of drinks whilst chatting and if they are hungry maybe some crisps, but hope they have eat before hand

of course if they came round to mine, free food and drinks or I went to theirs, would take a bottle or two "

a drink and crisps, now i know why your called My Treat

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By *--Cinders---Couple
over a year ago

a place near Blackpool

what u paid in petrol to go and see him probably paid for the undies anyway..

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By *o Peep n WoodyCouple
over a year ago

suffolk


"Thanks guys, was having a moment of self doubt there, but will put it down to experience and move on!

"

Good idea Oh, and wear the knickers on your next meet

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By *erkshireMan123Man
over a year ago

Devizes


"

Oh, and wear the knickers on your next meet "

lol magic idea!

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus


"dinner is ok surely?"

I would never accept a gift and certainly not dinner..... even when I was a single female.

I would feel beholden to 'give' something back.

It's a shagging site, not a dating site (thats my own opinion)

However, rudeness because the OP decided not to see him again is not right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"dinner is ok surely?

I would never accept a gift and certainly not dinner..... even when I was a single female.

I would feel beholden to 'give' something back.

It's a shagging site, not a dating site (thats my own opinion)

However, rudeness because the OP decided not to see him again is not right."

+1

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I don't think dinner pre-meet is really a date. I'd class cinema, clubs, and romantic walks in the rain more a dating thing. Whereas a light snack before an all night session is just common sense!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think dinner pre-meet is really a date. I'd class cinema, clubs, and romantic walks in the rain more a dating thing. Whereas a light snack before an all night session is just common sense! "

id rather tuck into a nice hot moist kebab

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"I don't think dinner pre-meet is really a date. I'd class cinema, clubs, and romantic walks in the rain more a dating thing. Whereas a light snack before an all night session is just common sense!

id rather tuck into a nice hot moist kebab"

As long as you wipe your mouth before you get near my fish taco!

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By *erkshireMan123Man
over a year ago

Devizes


"I don't think dinner pre-meet is really a date. I'd class cinema, clubs, and romantic walks in the rain more a dating thing. Whereas a light snack before an all night session is just common sense! "

i agree. a drink and a quick bite to eat is being friendly and practical. certainly not a dat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Drink is fine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Always select the meet to suite both..

I can afford to buy a round of drinks whilst chatting and if they are hungry maybe some crisps, but hope they have eat before hand

of course if they came round to mine, free food and drinks or I went to theirs, would take a bottle or two

a drink and crisps, now i know why your called My Treat "

I know, the high life a girls dream

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Swinging site, not dating site....... We rest our case!!!! Lol xxx

Enjoy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the sites how people actually wanna define it themselves,I cn go around to some pals houses and not shag, do something nice etc etc...the only way I see the site as not a dating site is for people not be jealous/pushy when their past meets/future meets meet others...its NSA to degree, which doesnt mean uncaringselfishbastards but means an open lifestyle with varying levels of sexual interests.

I like all the types of meets ive had 121/MMF/gangbang/MFF I just dont expect everyone to like the same, but not to judge it.

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By *unterslickCouple
over a year ago

tullamore


"First time posting in these forums so bear with me.......

I met a guy last week, my first time after being back on the swinging scene after 8 years. We've had a lot of chat and text before and a few since.

We had a lovely meet last week and he took me to dinner and surprised me with a gift of some sexy undies.

He wanted me to meet again today and I said I would think about it. However as it took me an hour to drive last time and the fact I have to leave my teenage daughter babysitting my younger two I decided it was just too far away to be from my children in case there was an emergency.

I wrote him a polite message explaining that although I had a really lovely time I couldn't meet him anymore due to the circumstances described above and the fact as I was new back to the scene I am still trying to find my feet and see what suits me (which he knew from the outset).

I got a really rude message back simply saying "do I feel ripped off or what!"

Am I in the wrong here or do I just put it down to a bad experience?

Sammiej x"

dont worry too much about it

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Sounds like a lucky escape to me.

You owe him nothing, and he has burt his bridge.

This is all nsa so you are free to meet or not meet as the mood takes you, he is free to offer a gift or dinner, with no obligation as I see it.

Just have fun, and don't let it trouble you, he just had his ego hurt a little.

x

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

[Removed by poster at 24/11/11 10:01:09]

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

you are not obliged to meet again and you did the right thing for you.

worthy of note tho... there are people who get dined, holidayed and other indirect payments... best to avoid accepting gifts IMHO.

The 'real hustle' could learn a few tricks from some

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By *amslam1000Man
over a year ago

willenhall


"Thanks guys, was having a moment of self doubt there, but will put it down to experience and move on!

"

and remember the one withe the pussy makes the rules.

you dont have to do anything you dont want to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"and remember the one withe the pussy makes the rules.

you dont have to do anything you dont want to"

No she doesn't. Or at least she shouldn't. All parties make the rules. Or is it a case of men doing whatever is asked of them to ensure they get a meet?

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

Not everyone acts like that - don't let it put you off. Hugs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"and remember the one withe the pussy makes the rules.

you dont have to do anything you dont want to

No she doesn't. Or at least she shouldn't. All parties make the rules. Or is it a case of men doing whatever is asked of them to ensure they get a meet?"

Having just re-read my post, to clarify when I said "no she doesn't" I was refering to the first sentence in the one I quoted, I thought I'd delted the second sentence from my quote!

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By *uby In StockingsTV/TS
over a year ago

Cheadle

So I wonder what the "going rate" this guy had in mind for dinner and some undies, two or three bjs and a couple of shags????, sometimes, some men can be their own worst enemies.

Not your fault OP, you should in no way feel guilt of any decription or magnitude.

hugz n stuff, Ruby, xx

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

The guy was out of order, however, I simply wouldn't have accepted a gift from a swing meet - Z

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

blok and move on hunn he not worth it x u did rite in thinking about wat realy maters I E kids wel done u xxx u seem a lovely laddy and im damm sure for every ideot like him there 1000 that are worth the efort u cary on haveing funn x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks guys, was having a moment of self doubt there, but will put it down to experience and move on!

and remember the one withe the pussy makes the rules.

you dont have to do anything you dont want to"

What has having a cat got to do with any of this ?!?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"First time posting in these forums so bear with me.......

I met a guy last week, my first time after being back on the swinging scene after 8 years. We've had a lot of chat and text before and a few since.

We had a lovely meet last week and he took me to dinner and surprised me with a gift of some sexy undies.

He wanted me to meet again today and I said I would think about it. However as it took me an hour to drive last time and the fact I have to leave my teenage daughter babysitting my younger two I decided it was just too far away to be from my children in case there was an emergency.

I wrote him a polite message explaining that although I had a really lovely time I couldn't meet him anymore due to the circumstances described above and the fact as I was new back to the scene I am still trying to find my feet and see what suits me (which he knew from the outset).

I got a really rude message back simply saying "do I feel ripped off or what!"

Am I in the wrong here or do I just put it down to a bad experience?

Sammiej x"

if he was that bothered about meeting you he would have offered to travel nearer and get a hotel

im a single mother too and i never travel to far away unless my daughter is at her dads for the night

you have been honest and i think your reasons are quite acceptable, if hes so unreasonable that he gets arsey because you put your kids first them to be quite honest your best rid of him

children always come first end of

you did right

lots of guys on here forget we have a real life too and think women on here are just trawling the net looking for sex 24/7 and ready to say how high every time they say jump

theres loads of nice guys on here that will be willing to get a hotel near you, or even local guys who accommodate, you've lost nothing

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"One reason why I personally wouldnt accept dinner or gifts"

Whilst the op is in no way in the wrong,perhaps she can learn from this. It has taken a year and a half for me to be comfortable with Sir paying for dinner,i even chose somewhere nice this week

Seriously though,with anyone else i dont accept anything,that way i dont feel bad when/if i say no.Even a drink is buy my own.This isnt dating,and i pay my own way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think its nice for a guy to want to treat you good, buy you gifts, take you to dinner etc but in the right circumstances and i personally do not think a swinging site is the right place fore this to happen, sorry to say it but in my opinion men are on here for sex, they dont buy you stuff to be nice they doing it to tempt you to go back, so if you do not meet them again they will feel they have wasted money on you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One reason why I personally wouldnt accept dinner or gifts

Whilst the op is in no way in the wrong,perhaps she can learn from this. It has taken a year and a half for me to be comfortable with Sir paying for dinner,i even chose somewhere nice this week

Seriously though,with anyone else i dont accept

anything,that way i dont feel bad when/if i say no.Even a drink is buy my own.This isnt dating,and i pay my own way."
+1

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By *AM2214Man
over a year ago

Manchester Area

I think it's fair to say from the volume of support the issue lies with the eejit who has ended up being anything but the gentleman!

I am sure the fact you have posed the question says so much about how genuine you are.

Do not let this episode put you off, you have your priorities and people should respect that; it's not rocket science.

Have fun, stay safe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"dinner is ok surely?

For me personally no, although of course there is nothing wrong with it.

Having dinner feels a bit too much like having a 'date' to me. A coffee or a drink would be my preference.

wow, i have to be honest and say that this realy surprises me.. Ive never meant anything by this in the past, and certainly didnt expect anything in return. we live and learn i guess. if anyone else agress I'll rethink in the future. "

I always meet socially first and it can be coffee, lunch or dinner. I've never seen it as a date, but a social meet. I've met some playmates for dinner several times before playing as they've been nervous.

I wouldn't play with someone who didn't offer a bite to eat if I met at lunchtime or after work.

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By *hite_lightningWoman
over a year ago

Oxford

Sweetie I understand how you feel- but like the others said this is a swinging site not a dating site.

In the past I have had men contact me (and women) who for some reason have thought I was on the Market for more than sex. I then refer them back to my profile ... And stopped contact. I never accepted gifts as it made me feel obliged, but hey, that's just me.

Your family come first and if someone can't accept that - tough. Just put it down to experience and start again- there are some great people on here- don't let one ruin your future on here!! Xx

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By *i_sSwingWoman
over a year ago

Any place 4 the right Person

You are not wrong chick, he's just upset that he won't reap the benefits of the undies. Email him back and ask for an address to post them back to him...make sure you wear them first (preferably with another bloke) so he's got something to remember you by That is just one example of someone having expectations of you when they shouldn't especially when you lay it on the line beforehand, that's when it gets complicated.


"First time posting in these forums so bear with me.......

I met a guy last week, my first time after being back on the swinging scene after 8 years. We've had a lot of chat and text before and a few since.

We had a lovely meet last week and he took me to dinner and surprised me with a gift of some sexy undies.

He wanted me to meet again today and I said I would think about it. However as it took me an hour to drive last time and the fact I have to leave my teenage daughter babysitting my younger two I decided it was just too far away to be from my children in case there was an emergency.

I wrote him a polite message explaining that although I had a really lovely time I couldn't meet him anymore due to the circumstances described above and the fact as I was new back to the scene I am still trying to find my feet and see what suits me (which he knew from the outset).

I got a really rude message back simply saying "do I feel ripped off or what!"

Am I in the wrong here or do I just put it down to a bad experience?

Sammiej x"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"dinner is ok surely?

For me personally no, although of course there is nothing wrong with it.

Having dinner feels a bit too much like having a 'date' to me. A coffee or a drink would be my preference.

wow, i have to be honest and say that this realy surprises me.. Ive never meant anything by this in the past, and certainly didnt expect anything in return. we live and learn i guess. if anyone else agress I'll rethink in the future.

I always meet socially first and it can be coffee, lunch or dinner. I've never seen it as a date, but a social meet. I've met some playmates for dinner several times before playing as they've been nervous.

I wouldn't play with someone who didn't offer a bite to eat if I met at lunchtime or after work."

i too dont see going for a meal with someone off here as a date

surely what makes a date is the intentions behind who your meeting

if you go out for a meal for someone you really like and would like to take it up a level thats a date, but a date can be anywhere, over a drink in a pub or on a park bench while walking your dogs, its the intentions of meeting someone that makes it a date to me

if you go out for a meal with someone off here and all you want to do is have a chat over a meal to see if you want to have sex with them then thats not a date, its a social meet in a restaurant

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"dinner is ok surely?

For me personally no, although of course there is nothing wrong with it.

Having dinner feels a bit too much like having a 'date' to me. A coffee or a drink would be my preference.

wow, i have to be honest and say that this realy surprises me.. Ive never meant anything by this in the past, and certainly didnt expect anything in return. we live and learn i guess. if anyone else agress I'll rethink in the future.

I always meet socially first and it can be coffee, lunch or dinner. I've never seen it as a date, but a social meet. I've met some playmates for dinner several times before playing as they've been nervous.

I wouldn't play with someone who didn't offer a bite to eat if I met at lunchtime or after work.

i too dont see going for a meal with someone off here as a date

surely what makes a date is the intentions behind who your meeting

if you go out for a meal for someone you really like and would like to take it up a level thats a date, but a date can be anywhere, over a drink in a pub or on a park bench while walking your dogs, its the intentions of meeting someone that makes it a date to me

if you go out for a meal with someone off here and all you want to do is have a chat over a meal to see if you want to have sex with them then thats not a date, its a social meet in a restaurant"

Which i have done,and paid my half...thats the point i was trying to make.i prefer it that way...if i ever dated im sure id go dutch for the same reasons

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By *lack_BoltMan
over a year ago

oxford

[Removed by poster at 25/11/11 08:35:45]

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By *lack_BoltMan
over a year ago

oxford

In general I agree with most of the comments made, however there are a couple of things that bother me.

Firstly I think it's right, this is a swinging site not a dating site, and that should be clear from the start. Yes men are here for sex, but so are the women. Isn't that the whole point?

Secondly I find it curious that a few think it's perfectly alright for the man to buy the drinks, buy a snack, or even pay for a proper meal, without it at least sending out mixed messages. Surely if two adults take part in what could be seen as a date, it is only reasonable that someone will see it as such and a much greater 'investment'?

Thirdly while I think it's good manners to offer a drink and a light snack, I do not believe it's the prerogative of the man to do so necessarily. Either party may do so, or depending on the circumstances both should go dutch. However once the presence of a gift appears, outside of the usual wine and flowers perhaps? But again depending on circumstances. I think a gift, as described above, should ring alarm bells. This is outside the realms of swinging in my _iew.

And finally, and I don't mean to be harsh to the OP, I do think the OP has to take some responsible for what happened. It should have been fairly obvious that the whole scenario was slightly ambiguous and open to misunderstanding. There is no doubt in my mind that it certainly reads like a date, and as an adult you cannot passively take part in something like that and not see the potential for misunderstanding.

However having said all that there is no excuse for his rudeness. We don't know his side of the story but, if what the OP has told us is true, then his reaction was wholely inappropriate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"dinner is ok surely?

For me personally no, although of course there is nothing wrong with it.

Having dinner feels a bit too much like having a 'date' to me. A coffee or a drink would be my preference.

wow, i have to be honest and say that this realy surprises me.. Ive never meant anything by this in the past, and certainly didnt expect anything in return. we live and learn i guess. if anyone else agress I'll rethink in the future.

I always meet socially first and it can be coffee, lunch or dinner. I've never seen it as a date, but a social meet. I've met some playmates for dinner several times before playing as they've been nervous.

I wouldn't play with someone who didn't offer a bite to eat if I met at lunchtime or after work.

i too dont see going for a meal with someone off here as a date

surely what makes a date is the intentions behind who your meeting

if you go out for a meal for someone you really like and would like to take it up a level thats a date, but a date can be anywhere, over a drink in a pub or on a park bench while walking your dogs, its the intentions of meeting someone that makes it a date to me

if you go out for a meal with someone off here and all you want to do is have a chat over a meal to see if you want to have sex with them then thats not a date, its a social meet in a restaurant

Which i have done,and paid my half...thats the point i was trying to make.i prefer it that way...if i ever dated im sure id go dutch for the same reasons"

nah if i was on a date i'd make them pay, may as well start off as you mean to go on lol

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"In general I agree with most of the comments made, however there are a couple of things that bother me.

Firstly I think it's right, this is a swinging site not a dating site, and that should be clear from the start. Yes men are here for sex, but so are the women. Isn't that the whole point?

Secondly I find it curious that a few think it's perfectly alright for the man to buy the drinks, buy a snack, or even pay for a proper meal, without it at least sending out mixed messages. Surely if two adults take part in what could be seen as a date, it is only reasonable that someone will see it as such and a much greater 'investment'?

Thirdly while I think it's good manners to offer a drink and a light snack, I do not believe it's the prerogative of the man to do so necessarily. Either party may do so, or depending on the circumstances both should go dutch. However once the presence of a gift appears, outside of the usual wine and flowers perhaps? But again depending on circumstances. I think a gift, as described above, should ring alarm bells. This is outside the realms of swinging in my _iew.

And finally, and I don't mean to be harsh to the OP, I do think the OP has to take some responsible for what happened. It should have been fairly obvious that the whole scenario was slightly ambiguous and open to misunderstanding. There is no doubt in my mind that it certainly reads like a date, and as an adult you cannot passively take part in something like that and not see the potential for misunderstanding.

However having said all that there is no excuse for his rudeness. We don't know his side of the story but, if what the OP has told us is true, then his reaction was wholely inappropriate."

You always say what i want too ,better

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"dinner is ok surely?

For me personally no, although of course there is nothing wrong with it.

Having dinner feels a bit too much like having a 'date' to me. A coffee or a drink would be my preference.

wow, i have to be honest and say that this realy surprises me.. Ive never meant anything by this in the past, and certainly didnt expect anything in return. we live and learn i guess. if anyone else agress I'll rethink in the future.

I always meet socially first and it can be coffee, lunch or dinner. I've never seen it as a date, but a social meet. I've met some playmates for dinner several times before playing as they've been nervous.

I wouldn't play with someone who didn't offer a bite to eat if I met at lunchtime or after work.

i too dont see going for a meal with someone off here as a date

surely what makes a date is the intentions behind who your meeting

if you go out for a meal for someone you really like and would like to take it up a level thats a date, but a date can be anywhere, over a drink in a pub or on a park bench while walking your dogs, its the intentions of meeting someone that makes it a date to me

if you go out for a meal with someone off here and all you want to do is have a chat over a meal to see if you want to have sex with them then thats not a date, its a social meet in a restaurant

Which i have done,and paid my half...thats the point i was trying to make.i prefer it that way...if i ever dated im sure id go dutch for the same reasons

nah if i was on a date i'd make them pay, may as well start off as you mean to go on lol "

My first date was to hyde park,we walked.i think kev started off as he meant to continue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Obviously he expected more because he bought you dinner n gift .. A gift is a gift with no hidden expectations and above all family comes first .you sent a polite message regarding your circumstances so he should man up and accept the situation .. Do not waste time dwelling on it you done nothing wrong at all x x

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By *ammiejuk OP   Woman
over a year ago

Letchworth

I feel I need to say something at this point. We both knew it was just for sex and there was no other pretense about it. He offered to buy dinner as he had not eaten and wanted to talk and get to know me a bit before we headed to the bedroom so we both felt comfortable with what we were doing. He brought the undies as he wanted me to wear them that evening which I did. We had a lovely evening and lots of fun, but driving home late at night i realised I wasn't happy doing that and the time it took me worried me due to being so far away from the kids. Hope that clarifies things a bit :o) x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You've done nothing wrong, and I wouldn't think anymore of it. You informed him of your decision politely & promptly, I wouldn't have any problem with that, possibly a bit disappointed, but that would be all. Buying someone drinks/meal/gifts should not be an expectation of anything, I often do it, with no thought of getting anything in return. I still buy ex-s a drink, or their kids some sweets etc., if I bump into them out & about, and expect nothing back. Money is for spending anyway.

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By *icboyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

If he had enjoyed your company...a better message from him would have been...Getting a hotel near to you...taking away the worry you have over your children...

Guys can me simple minded when thinking of sex...Putting your brain in your cock is never the best thing to do when sorting a met...

Help him think better or put it down to experience...

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By *ourgeMan
over a year ago

stourport nr kidderminster

hi , yes just put it down to a bad experience,plenty of good swingers on hear babe, swinging is about geting to no people first , and not rushing then ,, is lose ,

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By *lack_BoltMan
over a year ago

oxford


"In general I agree with most of the comments made, however there are a couple of things that bother me.

Firstly I think it's right, this is a swinging site not a dating site, and that should be clear from the start. Yes men are here for sex, but so are the women. Isn't that the whole point?

Secondly I find it curious that a few think it's perfectly alright for the man to buy the drinks, buy a snack, or even pay for a proper meal, without it at least sending out mixed messages. Surely if two adults take part in what could be seen as a date, it is only reasonable that someone will see it as such and a much greater 'investment'?

Thirdly while I think it's good manners to offer a drink and a light snack, I do not believe it's the prerogative of the man to do so necessarily. Either party may do so, or depending on the circumstances both should go dutch. However once the presence of a gift appears, outside of the usual wine and flowers perhaps? But again depending on circumstances. I think a gift, as described above, should ring alarm bells. This is outside the realms of swinging in my _iew.

And finally, and I don't mean to be harsh to the OP, I do think the OP has to take some responsible for what happened. It should have been fairly obvious that the whole scenario was slightly ambiguous and open to misunderstanding. There is no doubt in my mind that it certainly reads like a date, and as an adult you cannot passively take part in something like that and not see the potential for misunderstanding.

However having said all that there is no excuse for his rudeness. We don't know his side of the story but, if what the OP has told us is true, then his reaction was wholely inappropriate.

You always say what i want too ,better "

Thank you xxx. You're making me blush.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He is what you call selfish thinking only of his own need not yours , He felt he give you a good time first meet and you would go running ...... well you did not and he never liked it . You have to do things that are right for you ......... and with a family .. thay have to fit around your life if thay wish to meet .. your looking for fun not a hard time from a man whos only thinking of getting his end away ,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can i have his name lol as i need some new undies lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can i have his name lol as i need some new undies lol"

Hahahahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The man is an imbecile/moron. All i got was a coffee mmm and a whole lot more than sex x

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"I feel I need to say something at this point. We both knew it was just for sex and there was no other pretense about it. He offered to buy dinner as he had not eaten and wanted to talk and get to know me a bit before we headed to the bedroom so we both felt comfortable with what we were doing. He brought the undies as he wanted me to wear them that evening which I did. We had a lovely evening and lots of fun, but driving home late at night i realised I wasn't happy doing that and the time it took me worried me due to being so far away from the kids. Hope that clarifies things a bit :o) x"

This is not an attack...he was wrong,rude and a twunt...But your clarification doesnt change things in so far as i would have acted differently.

He wants dinner...split the cost,as for the underwear... still would have refused it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Silly guy your not an object you can do what you want whenever you want. I can only think the first meet you were obviously amazing and he is hurting not being able to see you again. Still wrong to be so rude. Think most guys on here have forgotton how much hard work,energy,manners and respect can be needed in the real world for sometimes months to get intimate with a nice lady.

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By *lack_BoltMan
over a year ago

oxford


"I feel I need to say something at this point. We both knew it was just for sex and there was no other pretense about it. He offered to buy dinner as he had not eaten and wanted to talk and get to know me a bit before we headed to the bedroom so we both felt comfortable with what we were doing. He brought the undies as he wanted me to wear them that evening which I did. We had a lovely evening and lots of fun, but driving home late at night i realised I wasn't happy doing that and the time it took me worried me due to being so far away from the kids. Hope that clarifies things a bit :o) x

This is not an attack...he was wrong,rude and a twunt...But your clarification doesnt change things in so far as i would have acted differently.

He wants dinner...split the cost,as for the underwear... still would have refused it."

Have to agree here. It's too easy to demonise the man, and lazy in my _iew, but that seems to be the zeitgeist.

You cannot enter into an activity that involves another person, and wash your hands of the consequences. You may have intended a different outcome but I still maintain that you are also culpable.

You say it was agreed that it was only for sex. Really? Is that why you agreed to let him pay for the meal, and then compounded the issue by accepting an intimate gift? Extreme naivety surely? You should have, and could have, insisted to share at least some of the financial burden, thus making it clear there was no further obligation.

I'm not having a go at you OP, but if you agree one thing then the boundaries should be crystal clear. Any deviation will completely cloud the issue. And rather than demonise the man perhaps it may help considering how it might have appeared from his point of _iew?

We have all been in situations where you meet someone with one intention, then as the meeting progresses decide on a different course of action, either because it has gone very well or not as intended. It's of course entirely possible that you may have simply given the wrong impression, but it's worth considering.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I feel I need to say something at this point. We both knew it was just for sex and there was no other pretense about it. He offered to buy dinner as he had not eaten and wanted to talk and get to know me a bit before we headed to the bedroom so we both felt comfortable with what we were doing. He brought the undies as he wanted me to wear them that evening which I did. We had a lovely evening and lots of fun, but driving home late at night i realised I wasn't happy doing that and the time it took me worried me due to being so far away from the kids. Hope that clarifies things a bit :o) x

This is not an attack...he was wrong,rude and a twunt...But your clarification doesnt change things in so far as i would have acted differently.

He wants dinner...split the cost,as for the underwear... still would have refused it.

Have to agree here. It's too easy to demonise the man, and lazy in my _iew, but that seems to be the zeitgeist.

You cannot enter into an activity that involves another person, and wash your hands of the consequences. You may have intended a different outcome but I still maintain that you are also culpable.

You say it was agreed that it was only for sex. Really? Is that why you agreed to let him pay for the meal, and then compounded the issue by accepting an intimate gift? Extreme naivety surely? You should have, and could have, insisted to share at least some of the financial burden, thus making it clear there was no further obligation.

I'm not having a go at you OP, but if you agree one thing then the boundaries should be crystal clear. Any deviation will completely cloud the issue. And rather than demonise the man perhaps it may help considering how it might have appeared from his point of _iew?

We have all been in situations where you meet someone with one intention, then as the meeting progresses decide on a different course of action, either because it has gone very well or not as intended. It's of course entirely possible that you may have simply given the wrong impression, but it's worth considering. "

Can't agree with you mate.

If a meet has been well planned and sounds like took place over several hours, it's quite reasonable that food was consumed and as long as long as there was an offer from the OP to share the cost surely if the male offers to pay it fully then surely an insistence to pay half would lead to some embarrassment on both sides that could spoil the vibe. Worth keeping in ind the OP has also had expense in fuel.

Also what would be the affect of refusing the gift, the guy has gone out and bought something that would heighten his enjoyment of the meet. So it's a gift for them both in essence, accepting or refusing this puts the OP in a no win situation.

If the OP has latterly weighed up her time away from the kids and deemed it unacceptable then it's absolutely up to her. Swinging happens one meet at a time, no one has the RIGHT to have someone meet them again, it's a matter of mutual choice.

OP was on a hiding to nothing here and has done nothing wrong. Anyone thinking that spending money on someone guarantees them a repeat is really pursuing the wrong things.

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By *lack_BoltMan
over a year ago

oxford


"I feel I need to say something at this point. We both knew it was just for sex and there was no other pretense about it. He offered to buy dinner as he had not eaten and wanted to talk and get to know me a bit before we headed to the bedroom so we both felt comfortable with what we were doing. He brought the undies as he wanted me to wear them that evening which I did. We had a lovely evening and lots of fun, but driving home late at night i realised I wasn't happy doing that and the time it took me worried me due to being so far away from the kids. Hope that clarifies things a bit :o) x

This is not an attack...he was wrong,rude and a twunt...But your clarification doesnt change things in so far as i would have acted differently.

He wants dinner...split the cost,as for the underwear... still would have refused it.

Have to agree here. It's too easy to demonise the man, and lazy in my _iew, but that seems to be the zeitgeist.

You cannot enter into an activity that involves another person, and wash your hands of the consequences. You may have intended a different outcome but I still maintain that you are also culpable.

You say it was agreed that it was only for sex. Really? Is that why you agreed to let him pay for the meal, and then compounded the issue by accepting an intimate gift? Extreme naivety surely? You should have, and could have, insisted to share at least some of the financial burden, thus making it clear there was no further obligation.

I'm not having a go at you OP, but if you agree one thing then the boundaries should be crystal clear. Any deviation will completely cloud the issue. And rather than demonise the man perhaps it may help considering how it might have appeared from his point of _iew?

We have all been in situations where you meet someone with one intention, then as the meeting progresses decide on a different course of action, either because it has gone very well or not as intended. It's of course entirely possible that you may have simply given the wrong impression, but it's worth considering.

Can't agree with you mate.

If a meet has been well planned and sounds like took place over several hours, it's quite reasonable that food was consumed and as long as long as there was an offer from the OP to share the cost surely if the male offers to pay it fully then surely an insistence to pay half would lead to some embarrassment on both sides that could spoil the vibe. Worth keeping in ind the OP has also had expense in fuel.

Also what would be the affect of refusing the gift, the guy has gone out and bought something that would heighten his enjoyment of the meet. So it's a gift for them both in essence, accepting or refusing this puts the OP in a no win situation.

If the OP has latterly weighed up her time away from the kids and deemed it unacceptable then it's absolutely up to her. Swinging happens one meet at a time, no one has the RIGHT to have someone meet them again, it's a matter of mutual choice.

OP was on a hiding to nothing here and has done nothing wrong. Anyone thinking that spending money on someone guarantees them a repeat is really pursuing the wrong things. "

Actually I'm not trying to 'blame' anyone, so I apologise if I give that impression, and although you've made some very good points I still feel I see it differently to you.

There is no evidence so far that the OP made any offer towards the meal, and her 'surprise' at receiving the gift would suggest that the meet wasn't as well planned as you suggest.

Also the risk of embarrassment, which would quickly pass in my _iew, is a small price to pay to avoid a bag of hurt later. This is what you would expect in the 'vanilla' world, so why should it be any different here.

I'm also troubled by this notion that somehow because she had driven all this way, and by way of compensation for her fuel costs, she was 'entitled' to receive the gift AND the meal. If the roles were reversed would we be making the same arguments?

Where I totally agree with you however is with the OP's point about her time away from the kids. She is definitely correct in her concerns and her reasoning as far as that is concerned and cannot be argued against. I'd also like to point out that regardless of how the meet turned out the OP is perfectly entitled to decide whether to meet again or not, and whatever decision the OP made on that front would be totally valid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I feel I need to say something at this point. We both knew it was just for sex and there was no other pretense about it. He offered to buy dinner as he had not eaten and wanted to talk and get to know me a bit before we headed to the bedroom so we both felt comfortable with what we were doing. He brought the undies as he wanted me to wear them that evening which I did. We had a lovely evening and lots of fun, but driving home late at night i realised I wasn't happy doing that and the time it took me worried me due to being so far away from the kids. Hope that clarifies things a bit :o) x

This is not an attack...he was wrong,rude and a twunt...But your clarification doesnt change things in so far as i would have acted differently.

He wants dinner...split the cost,as for the underwear... still would have refused it.

Have to agree here. It's too easy to demonise the man, and lazy in my _iew, but that seems to be the zeitgeist.

You cannot enter into an activity that involves another person, and wash your hands of the consequences. You may have intended a different outcome but I still maintain that you are also culpable.

You say it was agreed that it was only for sex. Really? Is that why you agreed to let him pay for the meal, and then compounded the issue by accepting an intimate gift? Extreme naivety surely? You should have, and could have, insisted to share at least some of the financial burden, thus making it clear there was no further obligation.

I'm not having a go at you OP, but if you agree one thing then the boundaries should be crystal clear. Any deviation will completely cloud the issue. And rather than demonise the man perhaps it may help considering how it might have appeared from his point of _iew?

We have all been in situations where you meet someone with one intention, then as the meeting progresses decide on a different course of action, either because it has gone very well or not as intended. It's of course entirely possible that you may have simply given the wrong impression, but it's worth considering.

Can't agree with you mate.

If a meet has been well planned and sounds like took place over several hours, it's quite reasonable that food was consumed and as long as long as there was an offer from the OP to share the cost surely if the male offers to pay it fully then surely an insistence to pay half would lead to some embarrassment on both sides that could spoil the vibe. Worth keeping in ind the OP has also had expense in fuel.

Also what would be the affect of refusing the gift, the guy has gone out and bought something that would heighten his enjoyment of the meet. So it's a gift for them both in essence, accepting or refusing this puts the OP in a no win situation.

If the OP has latterly weighed up her time away from the kids and deemed it unacceptable then it's absolutely up to her. Swinging happens one meet at a time, no one has the RIGHT to have someone meet them again, it's a matter of mutual choice.

OP was on a hiding to nothing here and has done nothing wrong. Anyone thinking that spending money on someone guarantees them a repeat is really pursuing the wrong things. "

Totally agree with you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think the main problem here is men find it so much harder to find women to meet than women do finding men so when a guy does find a woman wanting to meet they know its going to be so much easier getting a woman he has already met to re meet him rather than going thro looking for another women to meet, so when they do find a woman to meet they will try their hardest to get the women to like him so they will re meet and i think thast what has happened here, the guys thought by buying her gifts she will go back

thing is with women it does not work like that as they can just find someone else easily and are not as easy to buy off as some guys think they are

some guy buying me dinner and under wear will not guarantee them sex on that meet never mind a re meet

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

[Removed by poster at 26/11/11 09:24:23]

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I agree the OP did nothing wrong.... , she may approach it differently in future or not...I will also not go down the road of calling the guy names like imbecile, nobhead etc etc..... as I have not heard his side of the story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

IMHO, the dinner and gift were unsolicited, and the OP was not obliged to repay in kind.

Personally, after observing the negative behaviours displayed by the gent as described in the original post, I would offer to pay for half of whatever the gent had spent, on the condition that no further contacts will be made afterwards. I would also make my displeasure and disappointment in him clear.

This way, I owe him nothing and he cannot make me feel bad about anything, even though I might not have been in the wrong in the first place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"oh - just read about the undies!!

you didnt ask for them, they were a gift. More fool him if he thought they were a sure way to get you into bed "

yep

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