FabSwingers.com forum: Double the Dom for a sub

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi all,

I've recently found myself in the situation of being a sub to two Dom males and as this is all new to me, I just wondered if it's possible to work it so everyone is happy?

Neither will be a 24/7 relationship as we all have other commitments.

Tips & advice welcome, thanks

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By *xoticloverMan
over a year ago

newcastle

"Hi all,

I've recently found myself in the situation of being a sub to two Dom males and as this is all new to me, I just wondered if it's possible to work it so everyone is happy?

Neither will be a 24/7 relationship as we all have other commitments.

Tips & advice welcome, thanks

Are they both aware about it? I think,

it should not be a problem but once this relationship progresses you will be inclined to one Dom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi all,

I've recently found myself in the situation of being a sub to two Dom males and as this is all new to me, I just wondered if it's possible to work it so everyone is happy?

Neither will be a 24/7 relationship as we all have other commitments.

Tips & advice welcome, thanks

Are they both aware about it? I think,

it should not be a problem but once this relationship progresses you will be inclined to one Dom."

Me and my hubby have had some very sexy double dom experiences - each dom brings a different aspect of play - the dynamic between the two doms is very important. A little bit of friendly competitive spirit is good but both doms need to like each other enough to work as a team - teamwork for the pain and pleasure of the sub should be the main focus - not one dom trying to out dom the other! That is our opinion.

We have teamed up ourselves to dom a lady or a man - that is an exciting variation - but after a bit of domming I always need a deep sub experience or I feel all unbalanced. m x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you do impact play then, in my experience, one Domme can get annoyed to find you already bruised.

They might refuse to play or beat you harder to assert themselves. Mine did. Fook that hurt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It really depends on the people you play with.

I wouldn't personally *ever* play with any top who got irritated or annoyed that I was being topped by someone else - including if they left marks. If they are open to having multiple partners, then that means *you* as well as them.

Just set boundaries around activities. For instance, I would love to put my sub in chastity. Like, more than anything else. But I know that's not possible because he has other partners who enjoy having sex with him, and so that is something we cannot do in our relationship.

I've got several dominant people in my life right now and nothing is ever an issue. Find the right people, and you get no problems. Find people who want to be petty about who did what do you last week, and you'll struggle.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

They do both know about each other but I have yet to initiate Dom/sub play with either.

I just wanted to set ground rules first & obviously being new, wanted to make sure the choice I make is good for all involved.

if anyone wants to give more in-depth advice, please feel free to go ahead.

I have no idea how going from vanilla to this works!! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"They do both know about each other but I have yet to initiate Dom/sub play with either.

I just wanted to set ground rules first & obviously being new, wanted to make sure the choice I make is good for all involved.

if anyone wants to give more in-depth advice, please feel free to go ahead.

I have no idea how going from vanilla to this works!! X "

You're always welcome to ping me with any questions you have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As with everything, communication is key. My Domme didn't know I was seeing another. I chose her as I prefer the way she treats me.

That reminds me; I'm completely without marks at the moment. Must be due a hard session

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You may regret that offer Wasp

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

Just be careful. If you are playing with two doms at the same time, as in, they are double domming you during the one scene, then one should take responsibility for you.

If you are playing with both separately, you will need to make sure that they are both considering the play you have with the other. Like someone said above, impact play, if you are bruised or injured then you can't go straight into an impact session with another dom. If you have been pushed hard by one and then go into a scene and be pushed hard by another it would just be draining.

With two doms, who is going to be checking in with you for your aftercare etc. Just make sure you don't slip between the cracks because one dom is thinking the other dom is caring for you, when neither are.

Not sure the above makes sense. Tired brain.

In my experience, I get more fulfilment from one dom. And even if I'm allowed to play with others, it wouldn't be allowed to impact the time I have with him. So I'd never be allowed to do impact with someone that would reduce what he can do with me during my time with him.

I like Doms that don't want to share me.

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By *istressZoeTV/TS
over a year ago

cheshire

An interesting dilemma and a wide range of sensible advice x

Only you will know the levels of submission you are able to fulfil x

I note on your verications someone comments on your BDSM desires - is the the element of play you desire x

As per a previous poster mentioned- talking and honesty is the key to happiness x

Either way enjoy your journey x

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

"They do both know about each other but I have yet to initiate Dom/sub play with either.

I just wanted to set ground rules first & obviously being new, wanted to make sure the choice I make is good for all involved.

if anyone wants to give more in-depth advice, please feel free to go ahead.

I have no idea how going from vanilla to this works!! X "

Be ready for it to affect you life, physically, mentally, emotionally. It will elate and drain you. It will push all of your senses in one moment and have you manage them afterwards.

Experienced players would struggle with this, though I suppose it would depend on the level of experience of the Doms themselves.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I meet sub n none sub. Ive had more than one dom before but for very different types of scene so worked well. Till one got possessive n wanted to be top dom. If that happens walk away ur safety comes before a ego.i walked away n do not regret it for a second as still meet the other one n he defo worth hang onto

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

Are you in a vanilla situation with them both or virtual relationships?

I'd let them both know, only fair.

Personally, I don't share newbie subs with others. I expect to be their focus and to be playing by my rules while establishing a relationship. At least in the beginning.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Are you in a vanilla situation with them both or virtual relationships?

I'd let them both know, only fair.

Personally, I don't share newbie subs with others. I expect to be their focus and to be playing by my rules while establishing a relationship. At least in the beginning."

They both know about each other, I have no secrets from either of them.

One has started as a vanilla relationship but we both want to try the Dom/Sub side.

The other is an established Dom.

I'm still finding my feet so we'll see how things work with both.

I appreciate all advice guys, thanks so much xx

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By *aisyDoandDaisyDontWoman
over a year ago

little old town of Reading!

"Are you in a vanilla situation with them both or virtual relationships?

I'd let them both know, only fair.

Personally, I don't share newbie subs with others. I expect to be their focus and to be playing by my rules while establishing a relationship. At least in the beginning."

I agree with this- OP, you are brand new to the scene, you also don't really sound like you know what you are talking about. I don't think a serious Dom would allow this sort of nonsense- they would take you under their wing and train you properly. I don't see how you can be properly trained, as a complete newbie, when you have two "Doms". You might have two guys who would like to indulge in some BDSM play with you, but that is different to having two Doms.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Are you in a vanilla situation with them both or virtual relationships?

I'd let them both know, only fair.

Personally, I don't share newbie subs with others. I expect to be their focus and to be playing by my rules while establishing a relationship. At least in the beginning.

Thank you for your input.

I have clearly stated that I don't know what I'm talking about but being someone who is quick & willing to learn, I guess that's a positive.

If it doesn't work then it doesn't work but at least friends have been made & fun has been had!

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By *aisyDoandDaisyDontWoman
over a year ago

little old town of Reading!

I know you stated it. That's why I picked up on it and voiced my opinion on it- including the information given. In addition to this, you did ask in your OP if it would work. Again- my opinion (with around 15 years of playing like this to add weight to my view) has been given.

You are welcome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Communication is the biggest thing x set rules and limits for example crop play is a big nono for me but flogging is ok x also safe words and if you are to play with both at the same time make sure you have rules x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Communication is the biggest thing x set rules and limits for example crop play is a big nono for me but flogging is ok x also safe words and if you are to play with both at the same time make sure you have rules x "

You're right, communication is the key.

Boundaries have been set between each already & I'll never play with both at the same time nor probably within days of each other.

I know what I want to get out of it & hopefully if all three of us keep the channels open then some good fun can come of it xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you in a vanilla situation with them both or virtual relationships?

I'd let them both know, only fair.

Personally, I don't share newbie subs with others. I expect to be their focus and to be playing by my rules while establishing a relationship. At least in the beginning."

I would never agree to be faithful to a top. If they want that, I'm straight out the door.

Monogamy/non-monogamy has absolutely nothing to do with the activities you can do as a top or bottom.

What they do with other people will almost never have any impact on what they do with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I agree with this- OP, you are brand new to the scene, you also don't really sound like you know what you are talking about. I don't think a serious Dom would allow this sort of nonsense- they would take you under their wing and train you properly. I don't see how you can be properly trained, as a complete newbie, when you have two "Doms". You might have two guys who would like to indulge in some BDSM play with you, but that is different to having two Doms. "

"Train you properly" - only if you're into *that* specific type of BDSM. I've been into BDSM for 15 years and I've never been trained or trained anyone. Training is not my kink, nor is it the kink of anyone I've played with over the past 15 years.

You don't need to be monogamous to be in a dom/sub relationship. It's extremely misleading to say that you do have to be - especially to a newbie.

BDSM is what you make of it. There are no hard and fast rules. Your way is no more valid than other ways of doing it. If something feels right for someone, they should do it that way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't need to be monogamous to be in a dom/sub relationship. It's extremely misleading to say that you do have to be - especially to a newbie.

BDSM is what you make of it. There are no hard and fast rules. Your way is no more valid than other ways of doing it. If something feels right for someone, they should do it that way."

Exactly i been sub (n non sub depends on guy) for as long as i been sexually active n never been exclusive n neither have they.(even when only dom for one i had meets with other men),Its a very individual thing. Theres no right or wrong its what works for u. If u wanna be trained or exclusive fine ,but if u do not there's nothing wrong with that. Do not be moulded into what others see as right if its wrong for u .as a newbie u will get many opinions such as ur not a true sub if u do not .....(insert any thing a wanna be dom want from fresh meat ) .thats bollocks. U have ur own views on what be a sub is to u n they may change as u grow. But safety is key as is ur own mind. If u want a certain way of playing n anyone tells u its not a real sub way of doing things....run in the opposite direction

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't need to be monogamous to be in a dom/sub relationship. It's extremely misleading to say that you do have to be - especially to a newbie.

BDSM is what you make of it. There are no hard and fast rules. Your way is no more valid than other ways of doing it. If something feels right for someone, they should do it that way.

I ment sub for one as in had one dom.

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

"Are you in a vanilla situation with them both or virtual relationships?

I'd let them both know, only fair.

Personally, I don't share newbie subs with others. I expect to be their focus and to be playing by my rules while establishing a relationship. At least in the beginning.

I would never agree to be faithful to a top. If they want that, I'm straight out the door.

Monogamy/non-monogamy has absolutely nothing to do with the activities you can do as a top or bottom.

What they do with other people will almost never have any impact on what they do with you."

And that's where we differ. I play with numerous people casually where I have no interest in their extra curricular activities. But if I'm developing a relationship with a sub in my personal life, I expect their full attention and devotion, otherwise they're wasting my time.

Because of this, going back to being pro in February when I won't care.

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By *aisyDoandDaisyDontWoman
over a year ago

little old town of Reading!

You don't need to be monogamous to be in a dom/sub relationship. It's extremely misleading to say that you do have to be - especially to a newbie.

BDSM is what you make of it. There are no hard and fast rules. Your way is no more valid than other ways of doing it. If something feels right for someone, they should do it that way."

I agree- everyone has their own ways of doing things. However, I will maintain that there is a difference between playing at BDSM, which is one thing, and having a Dom, which is completely another.

Also- I'm on a swinger site! My two sexual kinks BDSM and swinging. I am not here to promote monogamy! Don't think I said that anywhere in my previous posts.

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By *aisyDoandDaisyDontWoman
over a year ago

little old town of Reading!

"Are you in a vanilla situation with them both or virtual relationships?

I'd let them both know, only fair.

Personally, I don't share newbie subs with others. I expect to be their focus and to be playing by my rules while establishing a relationship. At least in the beginning.

I would never agree to be faithful to a top. If they want that, I'm straight out the door.

Monogamy/non-monogamy has absolutely nothing to do with the activities you can do as a top or bottom.

What they do with other people will almost never have any impact on what they do with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I agree- everyone has their own ways of doing things. However, I will maintain that there is a difference between playing at BDSM, which is one thing, and having a Dom, which is completely another. "

I have had two Dom's in the past at the same time. I have had a Master and a Dom at the same time. I have had other play partners at the same time. I've had subs at the same time.

I know and understand the difference between Dominant partners and play partners who you enjoy BDSM with.

It is possible to have two Dom's at the same time - IF you are so inclined. Some people are not that way inclined. That is ok too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you in a vanilla situation with them both or virtual relationships?

I'd let them both know, only fair.

Personally, I don't share newbie subs with others. I expect to be their focus and to be playing by my rules while establishing a relationship. At least in the beginning.

I would never agree to be faithful to a top. If they want that, I'm straight out the door.

Monogamy/non-monogamy has absolutely nothing to do with the activities you can do as a top or bottom.

What they do with other people will almost never have any impact on what they do with you.

Because of this, going back to being pro in February when I won't care.

Whatever floats your boat - you are, of course, more than welcome to do things your own way. Not everyone is suitable for each other.

I would never expect someone to devote their full attention to me. It goes against the ethos of how I live my life non-monogamously. Any partner who was *willing* to do that for me (and I get *many* offers) would be fundamentally incompatible with me.

I encourage my submissive partners to have other dominant partners.

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By *dam and slutCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

somethings l don't read in this is

Taking into consideration

Informed consent

Consenual agreement

Protocols

Limits & boundaries

Contractual agreement

Collaring

Mine has been collared for 5 years, l seek no other. We don't play at it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"somethings l don't read in this is

Taking into consideration

Informed consent

Consenual agreement

Protocols

Limits & boundaries

Contractual agreement

Collaring

Mine has been collared for 5 years, l seek no other. We don't play at it.

Adam, a lot of the above if not all has been discussed between myself & the men involved.

But do feel free to exercise a man's point of view.

So far this has highly enlightening for me, which can only be a good thing xx

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

"Are you in a vanilla situation with them both or virtual relationships?

I'd let them both know, only fair.

Personally, I don't share newbie subs with others. I expect to be their focus and to be playing by my rules while establishing a relationship. At least in the beginning.

I would never agree to be faithful to a top. If they want that, I'm straight out the door.

Monogamy/non-monogamy has absolutely nothing to do with the activities you can do as a top or bottom.

What they do with other people will almost never have any impact on what they do with you.

Because of this, going back to being pro in February when I won't care.

Whatever floats your boat - you are, of course, more than welcome to do things your own way. Not everyone is suitable for each other.

I encourage my submissive partners to have other dominant partners."

I will, thank you.

That's the beauty of BDSM or D/s, there is no right or wrong way to play. You have yours, I have mine.

Only thing I'd suggest OP is have a good conversation with both about this to see where everyone is. In my 19 years experience, BDSM requires more communication than vanilla. Best to be upfront and open from the off. Have fun

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By *aisyDoandDaisyDontWoman
over a year ago

little old town of Reading!

"I agree- everyone has their own ways of doing things. However, I will maintain that there is a difference between playing at BDSM, which is one thing, and having a Dom, which is completely another.

I have had two Dom's in the past at the same time. I have had a Master and a Dom at the same time. I have had other play partners at the same time. I've had subs at the same time.

I know and understand the difference between Dominant partners and play partners who you enjoy BDSM with.

It is possible to have two Dom's at the same time - IF you are so inclined. Some people are not that way inclined. That is ok too."

First of all, a Dom having more than one sub at a time is a completely different scenario to a sub having more than one Dom at a time.

Secondly, I think you and I can both agree that we both have a lot of experience in this area and know how it works- one way or the other! What works for you, great! What works for me- also great! I'm just a bit cynical about a complete newbie having two "Doms". She has literally just said- some of the absolute basics haven't even been covered. Which kind of proves my point about their authenticity as "Doms".

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Daisy!

Give me a chance please. I have meets arranged with both of these men over the next two weeks to discuss & finalise all aspects of play!

I'm not leaping into this gung ho, hence why I asked for advice.

I may only be vanilla at the moment but by gathering knowledge from others who have experience ( like my 2nd Dom) I hope to have a clearer outlook when I am ready to start the new side of the relationships!!

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By *aisyDoandDaisyDontWoman
over a year ago

little old town of Reading!

Fair enough, OP. You seriously need to set ground rules and expectations before you play though. That is important.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Fair enough, OP. You seriously need to set ground rules and expectations before you play though. That is important. "

Yes I know. I've found good info online & a few of my friends play this way too. Plus there's you guys to bounce things off of, with all that I think I'll find my way eventually.

I'm not rushing into anything until I feel comfortable with both men

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I personally have only felt comfortable meeting one guy who Doms me.....haven't had for a while now but we built it up over a year and after 3 years he knows me better than I know myself (ie in what I like)

I don't think I could do the same with 2 different men but then that is just me but good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't need to be monogamous to be in a dom/sub relationship. It's extremely misleading to say that you do have to be - especially to a newbie.

BDSM is what you make of it. There are no hard and fast rules. Your way is no more valid than other ways of doing it. If something feels right for someone, they should do it that way."

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By *izzabelle and well hungCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh.

Ah it's only a bit of fun. You would have too be a right muppet to take it seriously. It's just a hobby like flower arranging or pigeon racing.

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Ah it's only a bit of fun. You would have too be a right muppet to take it seriously. It's just a hobby like flower arranging or pigeon racing. "

It's a relationship between two people. It's serious in some cases, and casual in others. I don't really equate my relationships with people to hobbies.

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By *izzabelle and well hungCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh.

"Ah it's only a bit of fun. You would have too be a right muppet to take it seriously. It's just a hobby like flower arranging or pigeon racing.

It's a relationship between two people. It's serious in some cases, and casual in others. I don't really equate my relationships with people to hobbies. "

Your relationship is how you are as people. Kink is a superfluous hobby.

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Ah it's only a bit of fun. You would have too be a right muppet to take it seriously. It's just a hobby like flower arranging or pigeon racing.

It's a relationship between two people. It's serious in some cases, and casual in others. I don't really equate my relationships with people to hobbies.

Your relationship is how you are as people. Kink is a superfluous hobby. "

The OP was asking about how it can work with two doms. Two different dynamics. Two telatinships. There are safety aspects involved. Some people don't see it as a hobby.

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Kink is a superfluous hobby. "

Nope. Not for some. Not for those who choose to live a 24/7 lifestyle. A lot of my fetish needs are exactly that. Needs. Especially impact play and pain. As a masochist, I use this as stress relief and absolutely notice a difference if I don't partake regularly. It's something I crave. It's very much part of me and has been for years. An expression. Definitely not a hobby.

Like I said, some take it seriously, some dip their toe in, some find it a total turn off. Everyone is different. They're not 'muppets.'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm looking for a friendly dom couple.. how bad can it goes?

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By *rab74Man
over a year ago

Huntingdon

One thought. You say one is an existing vanilla relationship where you and he are interested in adding D/s to it? Of course you can play around with spanking and rope, and that's all fun. But it's not necessarily a D/s headspace. Your vanilla would-be dom might benefit from all three of you playing, and the more experienced guy pacing the scene.

Of course, that's dependent on whether he *is* more experienced. If he's just another wannabe, you've got double the lack of knowledge. :/

Do these people (especially the experienced guy) have Fetlife accounts? Get on there for more details of what they've got up to. Not everyone goes to munches, but *everyone* who makes D/s a part of their life is on FetLife.

And for yourself, join groups for newbies and read all the FAQs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lucky you wish I could find some

Samantha x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"One thought. You say one is an existing vanilla relationship where you and he are interested in adding D/s to it? Of course you can play around with spanking and rope, and that's all fun. But it's not necessarily a D/s headspace. Your vanilla would-be dom might benefit from all three of you playing, and the more experienced guy pacing the scene.

Of course, that's dependent on whether he *is* more experienced. If he's just another wannabe, you've got double the lack of knowledge. :/

And for yourself, join groups for newbies and read all the FAQs."

Hi, thanks for your input.

I have suggested a 3 play so my vanilla guy can learn the ropes as it were.

He wants me to meet the more experienced guy first & obviously tell him all about it first.

The more experienced one definitely has the experience

It's been suggested I join Fetlife by friends & this is something I will do x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We play with two dom males works great a tag team lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

there's only one thing you need to know and that your safety each dom should take care of you from start to finish and even after that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ah it's only a bit of fun. You would have too be a right muppet to take it seriously. It's just a hobby like flower arranging or pigeon racing. "

Must be a lot of muppets around then.

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

"Do these people (especially the experienced guy) have Fetlife accounts? Get on there for more details of what they've got up to. Not everyone goes to munches, but *everyone* who makes D/s a part of their life is on FetLife."

Really? I must tell my other half that he doesn't actually make D/s a part of his life then!

Fetlife can be great if you look in the right places, it can also be full of the most idiotic tosh too, question everything and use a large about of common sense.

Old school advice (especially for your existing partner) would be to read :

Screw the roses and me the thorns

The topping book

The bottoming book

The ethical slut

Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook

Drop me a message if you've any specific questions or if I can help point you in some good directions on fetlife

One word of warning...

Playing with partners with a disparity in experience can lead to frustration, anger, even resentfulness. Especially when there is more of an emotional investment in the less experienced partner (helpful hints people often forget to tell you)

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

Adding to something "Sub_ilac" said a few days ago, about a double domming in the same session. It does work best if one dom takes control.

I had an experience about a year ago with a sub female friend. A dom friend and I took her to a club and had a nice session with her. But the dynamic was a bit odd as we hadn't really agreed who was in control.

As long as everyone knows about each other and communicates it is quite possible to make it work.

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By *rab74Man
over a year ago

Huntingdon

Of course there's rubbish on Fetlife. It's the internet.

Use normal common sense, and question everything. And more importantly, pick up what feels right for you - there is a tendency to compete (how much of what can you take, etc.) and that's never healthy. It might be right for other people, but if it isn't for you then trust your instincts.

I'd have to disagree on "Screw the roses, send me the thorns". In its day, when there was no internet, it was probably all there was, so it was better than nothing. It's never been updated though, so now it's hopelessly out of date, and there are many better books out there, and even better resources online.

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