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pregnancy/children

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By *oxycouple28 OP   Couple
over a year ago

bexley

Hi all,

We are expecting our first child at the begining of April. We have been together for 7 years now and been on the scene for 6, so as you can imagine swinging has always been a part of our relationship.

We were hoping those of you who know better would be able to give us some idea of things. How long was it after having a child you got back into the scene? How do you find the time etc with young children?

We are really looking forward to being parents and will obviously put our all into it, but we still want to make a little time for us as a couple and obviously that includes our swinging lifestyle.

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By *roffGentlemanMan
over a year ago

Bolton

Your life in all its aspects can and will change. This will be reflected into the desire for getting back into the lifestyle. Don't know if it's fair putting any kind of a time scale to it as your priorities may change or not!??

Sorry it may not be the answer your hoping for but just speaking from our experience.

Anyways, congratulations and enjoy your new addition X

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By *roffGentlemanMan
over a year ago

Bolton

Also, arranging meets around family can be difficult but not impossible. So we prefer quality over quantity nowadays x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your own time, what's that concept again...

My children are older so it makes having some 'me' time a little easier now then when they were younger.

Depends on your support network re babysitting, your birthing experience & how setttled your baby is to whether you get time to yourselves as a couple.

They're only little for a very short period of time tho (the big scheme of life) it's amazing how quick the time goes.

Congrats x

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

I used to meet twice a week and go to a club once a fortnight before having children now I haven't been to my local club in 4 years and only meet once every few months when I'm lucky, my kids come first and I don't consider that to be a great sacrifice, vibrators were invented for a reason

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

Oh and congratulations

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By *oxycouple28 OP   Couple
over a year ago

bexley

Thanks for the congratulations!

I think we are realistic in terms of the affect its going to have on our lives, We are lucky in that we will have a good support network in terms of babysitting etc as well. Our train of thought at the moment is hopefully an evening to ourselves every 5 or 6 weeks. We both have personal experience of parents who have split up and at least a contributing factor to that has been because they never made time for them as a couple..

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster


"Thanks for the congratulations!

I think we are realistic in terms of the affect its going to have on our lives, We are lucky in that we will have a good support network in terms of babysitting etc as well. Our train of thought at the moment is hopefully an evening to ourselves every 5 or 6 weeks. We both have personal experience of parents who have split up and at least a contributing factor to that has been because they never made time for them as a couple.. "

Seems reasonable time frame but I have a strong base for baby sitters yet I rarely meet, trust me you'll soon realise your kids always have other ideas -Ms there is no such thing as a realistic plan or much of a plan at all with kids around.

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By *oxycouple28 OP   Couple
over a year ago

bexley

well even if we dont manage a meet... we have plenty of other things we can do with just the two of us!

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster


"well even if we dont manage a meet... we have plenty of other things we can do with just the two of us! "

That's true but depending how you share up the responsibilities of parenting, especially at the newborn stage, once you do get free time you'll probably find sleeping is the only thing that's on your mind sorry if it seems like I'm trying to be a downer but you asked for honestly and that's what your getting

As much a parenting is rewarding it's also exhausting at times and in the little free time you do get you can find yourself getting a little selfish and thinking I just want a soak in the bath and an early night or a few beers down the local with the lads/lasses you may think I could do with a damn good shag but I just don't have the energy for it, it is what it is and you'll find all that out undue course it will make or break you as a couple

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By *oxycouple28 OP   Couple
over a year ago

bexley

We will never knock people being honest!

Duke is a shift worker so is pretty used to having little/no sleep to be honest. Candy is also a bit of an insomniac as well, we have never found sleep (or lack of) to affect our sex drive yet. To be honest if its that bad we will have a damn good shag to help us fall asleep afterwards!

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster


"We will never knock people being honest!

Duke is a shift worker so is pretty used to having little/no sleep to be honest. Candy is also a bit of an insomniac as well, we have never found sleep (or lack of) to affect our sex drive yet. To be honest if its that bad we will have a damn good shag to help us fall asleep afterwards! "

You may find that the exhaustion from something as simple as a insomnia or working shifts is a welcomed vacation to the exhaustion that comes from parenting 24/7, it really is exhausting on every level, physically, mentally and emotionally, but as I said rewarding and even at the hardest of times you know more good is to come

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By *roffGentlemanMan
over a year ago

Bolton


"We will never knock people being honest!

Duke is a shift worker so is pretty used to having little/no sleep to be honest. Candy is also a bit of an insomniac as well, we have never found sleep (or lack of) to affect our sex drive yet. To be honest if its that bad we will have a damn good shag to help us fall asleep afterwards!

You may find that the exhaustion from something as simple as a insomnia or working shifts is a welcomed vacation to the exhaustion that comes from parenting 24/7, it really is exhausting on every level, physically, mentally and emotionally, but as I said rewarding and even at the hardest of times you know more good is to come "

All true. The pros far outweigh any perceived cons. The aspect of unconditional love and that bond with your child is something that nothing will ever come near to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

About 5 years.

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By *amdenfunMan
over a year ago

London

Congratulations.

I think it will depend a bit on your parenting style, which you might not know until the little one comes. For us, for more than the first year we would not have been happy leaving him with anyone but his grandmother. And then, if your breastfeeding, there's unexpected hormonal effects - may not be universal, but you may just not be in the mood.

And then there's the question of whether to play when pregnant - risks too high? Or make up for lack when he/she comes?

But enjoy it - it's amazing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi all,

We are expecting our first child at the begining of April. We have been together for 7 years now and been on the scene for 6, so as you can imagine swinging has always been a part of our relationship.

We were hoping those of you who know better would be able to give us some idea of things. How long was it after having a child you got back into the scene? How do you find the time etc with young children?

We are really looking forward to being parents and will obviously put our all into it, but we still want to make a little time for us as a couple and obviously that includes our swinging lifestyle."
it took us till ours were 4 and 6 till we started to think about it again... Absolutely make Time for yourselves it is essential, however dont feel the need to swing when you do. Believe me you will need just you time.. Oh and the male half needs to be aware that he will come bottom of the priority list ( wether she says you will or not). Dont let it bother you it is only for the first 5 or so years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It'll be easy at the beginning everybody will want to look after your newborn, soon as he/she starts walking and breaking things your babysitters will thin out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I may be weird but when I had my babies the thought of anyone near me made me feel ill as my babies had come from me I felt sacred !

Would feel too dirty being with someone

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster


"I may be weird but when I had my babies the thought of anyone near me made me feel ill as my babies had come from me I felt sacred !

Would feel too dirty being with someone "

This is also a possibility, and there's always a risk of post natal depression killing sex drive, not to mention the physical agony sexual intercourse can be if you try too soon after birth in instances of both natural and c-section births. Throw in the chaotic routine of your finding your feet especially as new parents and your first moments of alone time where you can be truely intimate the way in which you were before becoming parents could be a long time coming, there's a reason people say "kids are the best form of contraception"

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

Make a point of arranging date nights for yourselves ... family life tends to take over .. you need to make time for each other ....ask a family member to help babbysit ... maybe stay over at yours whilst you have a night away ....or just out for an evening . .... good luck

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

Don't set a time frame. You can't account for the chemical changes.

Bunny's libido dropped after having children it was not a exhaustion issue it was a physical and mental change.

It's like saying will I still be able to run like before after losing some toes.

It's not a given but people do change after children even prepared ones.

Children are a barrel of unknowns, lovely as they are they may not want child minding even by family.

They may scream 24/7 if one of you is not around.

Ps congratulations.

If you both keep your libido and your kids are not too challenging then at some point you will get time.

This year we have played 5 times. That's a pretty good year for us. But 4 of those times it was rushing to a meet play for a few hours and rush back as we have no overnight child minders.

Also as they get older things change as they get sleep overs etc.

Before we started we wanted 4 kids at least. After the first we had to consider whether we would be able to have a second as it was hard work.

It may sound like a rant but it's not. They are lovely and I would not swap them for anything, but we did change and it changed far beyond what we imagined.

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

Difficult to say. Depends on your support network, your baby, yourselves, etc.

We get a night off maybe every few months but for all the plans we make for debaucherous sexual activities, we're usually so tired and just so happy for some time to ourselves that we end up simply cuddled up on the sofa with a cuppa and having a quiet night in.

- Amy. x

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By *CgonemadCouple
over a year ago

Wirral

Congratulations!

We had our first last year. We started going to clubs again when our little one was 3 months. She's stays overnight with my parents about once sometimes twice a month. They love babysitting her so it's never an issue.

It will depend on how you feel once your baby is here. It was a shock for me and I did struggle at first. Despite the exhaustion, my libido came back pretty quickly lol. Everyone is different so just take things at your pace. There's no rush

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By *oxycouple28 OP   Couple
over a year ago

bexley

Just to clarify to some of the posts on here., we are not saying we are going to play during pregnancy as we won't. We are also not saying we have intentions to go rushing out and playing the day after its born as we are aware of healing time, time to adjust to a new way of life etc.

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By *oxycouple28 OP   Couple
over a year ago

bexley


"Make a point of arranging date nights for yourselves ... family life tends to take over .. you need to make time for each other ....ask a family member to help babbysit ... maybe stay over at yours whilst you have a night away ....or just out for an evening . .... good luck "

Thats exactly what we have been thinking, from our perspective swinging or not, its as important to have time for us alone as much as it will be for the three of us to have time as a family.

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By *oxycouple28 OP   Couple
over a year ago

bexley


"Congratulations!

We had our first last year. We started going to clubs again when our little one was 3 months. She's stays overnight with my parents about once sometimes twice a month. They love babysitting her so it's never an issue.

It will depend on how you feel once your baby is here. It was a shock for me and I did struggle at first. Despite the exhaustion, my libido came back pretty quickly lol. Everyone is different so just take things at your pace. There's no rush "

Thanks

We are lucky in that we have some extremely close friends who we swing with, so for is it is likely thats how we will get back into it. We also tend to go to clubs generally rather than private meets as we can either meet other people or enjoy the facilities by ourselves with no pressure. Candy's mum will hopefully be staying over in our spare room when we have our "date nights" so there will be no hurry to get back.

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield


"Hi all,

We are expecting our first child at the begining of April. We have been together for 7 years now and been on the scene for 6, so as you can imagine swinging has always been a part of our relationship.

We were hoping those of you who know better would be able to give us some idea of things. How long was it after having a child you got back into the scene? How do you find the time etc with young children?

We are really looking forward to being parents and will obviously put our all into it, but we still want to make a little time for us as a couple and obviously that includes our swinging lifestyle."

Forget about planning for the future, you are having a child all bets are off.

Your life is going to change and your feelings will change too.

Everyone is different and you will not know how either of you will feel until after the birth.

You may find that you crave more sex and your partner prefers nights in with just you and the baby or you may go off sex completely.

Take time to enjoy your new situation and to listen to your body.

There will be plenty of time to think about what you want after the baby is born.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok you asked for honesty

seriously if i read this think if i was candy i be runing crying. I have had 2 and mine are quite a lot bigger now. So feel this is good place to say it depends whats important to you. A tip if you can get babysitter in early so candy can get ready in peace and do a date night sooner rather than later. Remembering why you are a couple and that you arent just parents is mega important cause otherwise being parents can break the lover bit and leave you nothing left. If you work at it then its only a short time and if date night is a routine it will i am sure come flooding back and you can have it all . Remember a girl who has time to glam up always feels better.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster


"Ok you asked for honesty

seriously if i read this think if i was candy i be runing crying. I have had 2 and mine are quite a lot bigger now. So feel this is good place to say it depends whats important to you. A tip if you can get babysitter in early so candy can get ready in peace and do a date night sooner rather than later. Remembering why you are a couple and that you arent just parents is mega important cause otherwise being parents can break the lover bit and leave you nothing left. If you work at it then its only a short time and if date night is a routine it will i am sure come flooding back and you can have it all . Remember a girl who has time to glam up always feels better."

except for the girls that don't like to glam up, I know a few like that, many of them felt like that only after becoming a mother too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Postpone your activities until the children have left home xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/10/15 18:03:35]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi all,

We are expecting our first child at the begining of April. We have been together for 7 years now and been on the scene for 6, so as you can imagine swinging has always been a part of our relationship.

We were hoping those of you who know better would be able to give us some idea of things. How long was it after having a child you got back into the scene? How do you find the time etc with young children?

We are really looking forward to being parents and will obviously put our all into it, but we still want to make a little time for us as a couple and obviously that includes our swinging lifestyle."

Hiya, we have been together 5 years and our baby girl is now 7 months old. We had our first meet since giving birth 4 weeks ago.

Everyone's experiences and thoughts are different but this is what happened to us... We had an extremely complicated birth and this could have contributed to the fact that we both said we were putting swinging on hold for the foreseeable future as we just wanted to be in our own little bubble, enjoy being parents and appreciate what we had. After a while once you have got the hang of things (or rather you think you have lol) you're sex drive gradually starts to come back. For me I would say it was around the time I stopped breastfeeding (5 months old) that we started talking about fab again.

I found swinging a good reason to want to get my body back in some form of shape which made me feel good and want to take my clothes off for other people lol.

We are lucky too that we have family members close by who tend to have our little one once a week at the weekend so it's relatively easy for us to arrange a meet if we wish.

Hope this helps

Feel free to PM us if you want to know anything else

Miss

Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's hard but find time you are both able to meet and enjoy the young years! Quality over quantity as someone said is a big thing as well nowadays swinging can always wait your baby is only your baby for so long - just remember that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As the parents to young kids I can tell you that you need time at least once a month to yourselves as a couple to maintain your relationship and enjoy each other that might be a date night or swinging. We are lucky we have family-we adore our kids but to keep our unit together we need couple time and we still manage to have that time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

However i would say for the first five six months with baby up at night etc we didn't do anything but everyone is different

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By *errible_TwoCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

One thing I will say is put your baby in its own room so the time you do get together you won't wake the baby up or in 9 months time it's still in your room and you find yourself at it then have a cheeky face looking at you from over the cot xx

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By *ischief ManagedCouple
over a year ago

manchester

Hello OP you will cheerish your pj's ! Its bloody hard work but very rewarding and excellent advise as above to put in there own room. Theres some excellent books outhere and do get them into a routine otherwise you will find it harder, took a week or two for both of ours to get into a routine and they screamed until they got into it but once bath milk & bed was sorted it was ourtime. A brew , a bath and some rest and kip will probably be what you both crave for until they are at least sleeping in....

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