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Is there a way of avoiding sub drop?

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By *urvyemma OP   Woman
over a year ago

wigan/bolton

Had an amazing night last night with fb and another guy..I got used and abused..all very horny. Had a 10min quiet, cuddle afterwards with fb and came home.

Woke up today feeling weepy, bit shaken up and desperate for some tlc and hugs etc.

This happens a lot..every time I feel like this I feel like I need to stop doing the sub thing but in the mood and the moment I absolutely love it.

Any advice or experience folks?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jack it in most doms are heartless arseholes

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"Jack it in most doms are heartless arseholes"

You're playing/association with the wrong people

In my experience, if you explain to a dom what you might need for aftercare or what help you might need from drop, they are usually happy to try and help. They aren't mind readers.

Having said that, I can't stop my drop and sometimes it's really awful. Nothing really works.

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By *urvyemma OP   Woman
over a year ago

wigan/bolton

My fb isn't an arsehole. .maybe I just didn't spend long enough coming down after or maybe I need to take a break from sub stuff..sigh..I always say this and the end up doing it again

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

As you can tell this is not the place for neutral advice!!

I always hit sub space the next day. I think if you recognise it for what it is - an emotional comedown from a euphoric high, then it's ok.

But if it happens after 'normal' encounters then maybe address it then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As you can tell this is not the place for neutral advice!!

I always hit sub space the next day. I think if you recognise it for what it is - an emotional comedown from a euphoric high, then it's ok.

But if it happens after 'normal' encounters then maybe address it then."

Sound advice

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

I make a video or write a diary entry the day after. It helps me put the temporary lull into perspective. That accompanied by sweet messages from the BF helps but doesn't ever stave it off completely. Luckily I can rationalise it and a long walk with music on or fit of housework also acts a distraction. I recently had a whole weekend of fun, followed by the BF having to travel to Europe and not being in contact as much as usual and me having to go back to work. It's taken me three days to get out of my funk but now I'm coming out the other side it's been so worth it.

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By *rab74Man
over a year ago

Huntingdon

If you can't be with your fb next day, at least have them be available for a weepy phone call. Or agree it with another close friend in advance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lucky guys you got there op.

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By *urvyemma OP   Woman
over a year ago

wigan/bolton

Thanks everyone. Just met a male friend who has given me giant bear hug. .that's helped a lot.

God I am so needy! Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After a session l would always stay and cuddle and cosset my kink partner until she told me she was ready to enter the world. It generally took between half an hour to an hour l thought l was doing well. Then I read that for some people the drop lasts hours or days and I mentioned that to her and she said the drop can last for hours.

The only point l would make is to talk to your partner and let them know how it is for you, and what you need. May be it would be a good question to ask the forum how to deal with a long lasting sub drop and what doms can do to help?

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Emotional anchoring is very effective. There was a great forum post about 6 weeks ago on sub drop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we have some good play then Master is always aware the more I've played the more time I need to recover.

I do sometimes struggle the following day, but because we're aware I'm prone to drop we have lots of back up.

Lots of sweet stuff and extra love help loads.

The one thing 'not to do' is to try and brave it out alone, sharing is your best friend, and that way your partner can get used to what you need and will learn to give you the extra support without you even knowing it.

I've also had shakes , tears and tantrums next day, and all that goes with drop, ohhh it's an awful part of the extacy of play, but once you've worked out how to support each other then it becomes part of the scene, even if it is the next day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Emotional anchoring is very effective. And that wind down time with lots of extras need to chat ect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Emotional anchoring is very effective. And that wind down time with lots of extras need to chat ect "

Thanks, will explore.

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By *urvyemma OP   Woman
over a year ago

wigan/bolton

I can't see or speak to my fb today but yes has helped having a hug from someone else plus been for a run!

Am going to Google emotional anchoring

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Jack it in most doms are heartless arseholes"

Probably says more about the Doms you know rather than Doms in general

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/08/15 19:53:47]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess that's why it's good that our dom/sub relationship is part of our everyday relationship, if i was sending Mrs GNB home after i abused and demoralised her then I'd geel a bit shit as well.

Talk to your FB about it, let him know how you feel, a good dom is there to serve his slave as much as he is there to dominate you. Your feelings should still be his priority. Failing that, find a master that will take care of you as well as he punishes you.

Hope it helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are Doms, and people who call themselves Doms.

I only Dom people I care about or love.

This is apparent in every part of my D/s sessions, particularly afterwards and into the next day.

The word Dom is adopted and used too lightly by people who have read a certain book or seen a certain film and think than simplistic abuse is Domination.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im not a sub and still feel this way the morning after every meet ive had. Also feel used, cheap and worthless so along with other reasons ive stopped meeting for now x

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

I suffer from sub drop with my current lover, more so after DS play times.

I make sure that after we have spent time together, that for a few days, I look after myself very gently.

Nice food, warm blankets, my favourite pyjamas, cups of tea, and a few nice wee treats - maybe just watching a movie, a cosy bath or a little chocolate. Catching up with friends can help too.

Turkey sandwiches and bananas can actually help as well, they contain triptophan which can help.

I also make sure that after any "hard play" that we spend some time gently together, where I get hugs, reassurance and care from my lover

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After a session l would always stay and cuddle and cosset my kink partner until she told me she was ready to enter the world. It generally took between half an hour to an hour l thought l was doing well. Then I read that for some people the drop lasts hours or days and I mentioned that to her and she said the drop can last for hours.

The only point l would make is to talk to your partner and let them know how it is for you, and what you need. May be it would be a good question to ask the forum how to deal with a long lasting sub drop and what doms can do to help?"

I havent ever experienced being a sub, doubt I will, but I was thinking that why cant he stay with her and provide the cuddles she needs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Had an amazing night last night with fb and another guy..I got used and abused..all very horny. Had a 10min quiet, cuddle afterwards with fb and came home.

Woke up today feeling weepy, bit shaken up and desperate for some tlc and hugs etc.

This happens a lot..every time I feel like this I feel like I need to stop doing the sub thing but in the mood and the moment I absolutely love it.

Any advice or experience folks?

"

This is totally normal. People get it after they come home from holiday, the days after their wedding, it's the natural drop in endorphins that causes the depression like symptoms.

You need to find ways of controlling how quickly your endorphin levels drop. When you allow them to plummet, you get the symptoms. Find ways to help bring them down to normal levels more slowly and it won't have the same negative hit as it does now.

Warm baths, clothes shopping, tasty food, funny movies, anything that gives you the feel good feelings will help keep that drop feeling away.

Don't forget that Dom drop is also a thing and the Dom/me is forgotten too often so make sure you drop them a sweet message too as they'll be feeling the drop in endorphins too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope, nothing you can do about it. I get both sub drop and top drop and it's very emotionally draining.

In fact, top drop is about to land now that my lover has left...

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By *uxomBloomsWoman
over a year ago

Near Tunbridge Wells


"Nope, nothing you can do about it. I get both sub drop and top drop and it's very emotionally draining.

In fact, top drop is about to land now that my lover has left..."

I hope it lands softly and leaves quickly.

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By *radleywigginsMan
over a year ago

northwest

Sorry to hear that you're struggling. Hopefully you're already feeling better. I would have thought it was your fb or your play partner's responsibility to make the whole experience amazing, including the aftermath. That relationship doesn't stop the second the sex does.

Even though in no way would I want to apportion blame in this particular poster' situation it is a reason to be wary of anyone who describes themselves as dominant. There are those (of any gender or orientation) which would rather take advantage than play a part in a shared experience..

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

Aftercare should be a part of any Dom(me)s routine. Usually, we've found, the longer and deeper the session the longer it takes.

If a sub spaces then the comedown can be particularly hard. Caring for your sub after also helps with Dom-drop as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Aftercare should be a part of any Dom(me)s routine. Usually, we've found, the longer and deeper the session the longer it takes.

If a sub spaces then the comedown can be particularly hard. Caring for your sub after also helps with Dom-drop as well."

People can be very different though. And saying that 'all people into X should do Y' isn't always a good thing.

My partner and I, for instance, aren't into aftercare. We don't do it because we don't enjoy particularly spending time with each other after sessions.

I've been with people who wanted to give me aftercare (or who wanted aftercare from me) and it didn't work out for us because I'm not that kind of person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Aftercare should be a part of any Dom(me)s routine. Usually, we've found, the longer and deeper the session the longer it takes.

If a sub spaces then the comedown can be particularly hard. Caring for your sub after also helps with Dom-drop as well.

People can be very different though. And saying that 'all people into X should do Y' isn't always a good thing.

My partner and I, for instance, aren't into aftercare. We don't do it because we don't enjoy particularly spending time with each other after sessions.

I've been with people who wanted to give me aftercare (or who wanted aftercare from me) and it didn't work out for us because I'm not that kind of person."

I wonder what your thoughts are on my drop because I don't relate to what a lot of people advise above for dealing with drop. I oscillate between being absolutely shattered and whingy to climbing the walls for sex and can be in quite an aggressive mood. Advise about watching films, with chocolate and cuddles really does nothing for me. The only thing that gives me some kind of calmness and focus is debriefing. I like to talk through the scene and analysis it. That's my after care. But once I've done my debrief I slump. I will often go through the debrief again a couple of times and my dom will do that with me as he knows I get some form of relief from the repetition of it. But sometimes, I can be a right little mess with sub drop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Aftercare should be a part of any Dom(me)s routine. Usually, we've found, the longer and deeper the session the longer it takes.

If a sub spaces then the comedown can be particularly hard. Caring for your sub after also helps with Dom-drop as well.

People can be very different though. And saying that 'all people into X should do Y' isn't always a good thing.

My partner and I, for instance, aren't into aftercare. We don't do it because we don't enjoy particularly spending time with each other after sessions.

I've been with people who wanted to give me aftercare (or who wanted aftercare from me) and it didn't work out for us because I'm not that kind of person.

I wonder what your thoughts are on my drop because I don't relate to what a lot of people advise above for dealing with drop. I oscillate between being absolutely shattered and whingy to climbing the walls for sex and can be in quite an aggressive mood. Advise about watching films, with chocolate and cuddles really does nothing for me. The only thing that gives me some kind of calmness and focus is debriefing. I like to talk through the scene and analysis it. That's my after care. But once I've done my debrief I slump. I will often go through the debrief again a couple of times and my dom will do that with me as he knows I get some form of relief from the repetition of it. But sometimes, I can be a right little mess with sub drop. "

I'm very similar. I tend to get pretty grouchy and sometimes a bit aggressive towards my partner.

After a couple of days we talk about what we did and how we felt about stuff. What we want to do again what we don't want to do again. That usually signals the end of drop for me, more or less.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi there,

I'm really sorry you experience this sub drop thing it must be horrible to go through.

I have been a sub for around a year now and I can't say I have ever experienced this but I'll give you the advice I would give any couple - talk to your Dom about it, his job is to take care of your needs as much as it is youra to take care of his. I know my Dom would be distraught if I felt that way.

You do a lot for him by giving yourself to him in that way that the very least he can do is make the effort to be there for you and reassure and support you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get this. In fact had it yesterday and probably if I'm truthful a bit today from a quite intense session on Friday.

My Dom can pull me round if I let him with anchoring and exercise helps if I can bring myself to do it as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Had an amazing night last night with fb and another guy..I got used and abused..all very horny. Had a 10min quiet, cuddle afterwards with fb and came home.

Woke up today feeling weepy, bit shaken up and desperate for some tlc and hugs etc.

This happens a lot..every time I feel like this I feel like I need to stop doing the sub thing but in the mood and the moment I absolutely love it.

Any advice or experience folks?

"

Do you keep a journal?? as sometimes that can be helpful to see if there is a pattern to your drop.

Some people drop straight after, but sometimes its days.. or like it was in your case this time the next day.

I do not believe it is always down to bad aftercare.. I can get it even after a good session that isnt bdsm related... the high of any session that engages your mind as well as your body can result in the drop..

I know now that the next day I can be grumpy and difficult... Not intentionally either.

I do not think you can stop sub drop but if you understand how it affects you, then it is easier to deal with.

I think blaming bad aftercare is an easy option as I have seen subs that have amazing aftercare straight after... but the next day get hit.

WHat works to help you feel better... ???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Had an amazing night last night with fb and another guy..I got used and abused..all very horny. Had a 10min quiet, cuddle afterwards with fb and came home.

Woke up today feeling weepy, bit shaken up and desperate for some tlc and hugs etc.

This happens a lot..every time I feel like this I feel like I need to stop doing the sub thing but in the mood and the moment I absolutely love it.

Any advice or experience folks?

Do you keep a journal?? as sometimes that can be helpful to see if there is a pattern to your drop.

Some people drop straight after, but sometimes its days.. or like it was in your case this time the next day.

I do not believe it is always down to bad aftercare.. I can get it even after a good session that isnt bdsm related... the high of any session that engages your mind as well as your body can result in the drop..

I know now that the next day I can be grumpy and difficult... Not intentionally either.

I do not think you can stop sub drop but if you understand how it affects you, then it is easier to deal with.

I think blaming bad aftercare is an easy option as I have seen subs that have amazing aftercare straight after... but the next day get hit.

WHat works to help you feel better... ??? "

Very yes. It's not due to lacking aftercare on my part. R understands well what I need but I still drop sometimes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow what an interesting read guys!

I can personally play both sub & Dom? All depending respectfully of who I'm with?

I always always need to "reconnect" afterwards so totally understand that! We are humans after all xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very interesting thread.

I have been in the Dom hands of my Mr for around five years. And over those years we have developed as a couple during our play times. I personally think that without the love and tlc after an intense play session I would crack up. But he knows me through and through and sees the signs. I can go either way. Emotional drop with lows or sometimes aggression. But through it all he has to be there.

For me I feel if you have such an intense time with your Dom you need to talk more and he obviously needs to be available with support. Having a D/s relationship can be a roller coaster of emotions. And that's what comes with being taken to heaven and back.

The drops for me have near gone. But I think that just comes with experience of each other.

One lady said write your thoughts. That's a great idea. But talking is the best way forward. But choose wisely who you talk to. A vanilla friend could make matters worse. Why not look for a buddy on fab to chat with?

Good luck with all your experiences

Mrs x

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By *izzabelle and well hungCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh.

It's all rather concerning. I think if your activity causes depressive feelings you should work out the cause.

Is it self loathing? That you allowed such an act happen to yourself?

Is it that you allowed it to happen to yourself and you do not have a deep enough relationship with your dominant to cover what you did?

Is it that you love that high so much not boring in that situation more is depressing?

The D/s phycological responses are not somthing that happens only to people in this century or the last 2000 years. It's an evolutionary imperative that is rooted in the perpetuation of the species.

It is essentially loss/ and abandonment feelings. If you have this but still want to continue your fun arrange chats/communication with your Dom so you don't feel that.

You can try to get the feelings out of the box when you are not in your depressive state and treat them to logic and weigh up why you feel as you do.

But I feel you need to work out (once you have looked at why you feel that way) is it worth it?

If it makes you depressed is it worth the short high?

Whatever you decide don't rush into an end of your activity. As that might cause very strong feeling of loss too. Just do what makes you feel happiest overall and do that for you.

Love and care WH

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By *urvyemma OP   Woman
over a year ago

wigan/bolton

Thanks all. .done a lot of thinking since my post last week and figured some stuff out in my head.

Am taking a break from sub stuff..not working for me anymore.

Thanks for all replies

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By *istressZoeTV/TS
over a year ago

cheshire

I think genuine Doms are able to read their subs x

I mean if they can allow their sub to access a sub space then mentally they will be In tune x

Conversely after play should involve aftercare x

I believe being caring considerate x attentive and compassionate to the feelings of someone coming down x

Like a previous poster said there is no one solution

Maybe it's making a cuppa x or wrapping up in favourite blanket x

Perhaps it a foot rub or shoulder massage x

For those who don't live together then maybe it's txts x a phone call x FaceTime x

Eventually you will both work out what suits you and your situationx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not a sub but after we have had a meet I always feel low the next day wish I didn't feel like this because it's enjoyable at the time but I over think things...xx

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

It's not just a sub thing - it's to do with the endorphin crash after a good sesssion

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

My worst/best required 2 large gins and a diazepam.

Woke up smiling three days in a row though

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By *ove121LustCouple
over a year ago

LaLa Land

Wow - I thought it was usual shame attacks. Thanks for the interesting thread all - I can compensate for these feelings I have now!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Retail therapy, some Studio Ghibli animation and cake, lots & lots of cake!

I can't be with provider so have a couple of (great) friends who sometimes share and sometimes just support one another in the Monday blues

Take care,

Ally

x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And like someone else said, a jouornal or diary really helps to provide stability x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had a d/s relationship which was fantastic but to me this dynamic doesn't work within a more causal swinging or fuck buddy type relationship because of feelings like this. i could never be a sub to a man who didn't love me as I loved him. Aftercare should be more than a quick hug or phone call, it's the time, love and respect you get from your Dom when you're not playing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's not just a sub thing - it's to do with the endorphin crash after a good sesssion"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really interesting post. Thank u for posting OP.

Although the sub/dom thing doesn't apply to me, I hadn't realised I was experiencing a 'drop' after play or my partners play.

I've always put it down to silly irrational emotions and thoughts.

I'm sorry your style of play and subsequent 'drop' has made you want to time out for now OP.

But this post and the forumites advice has been very useful for me as well.

Thank u. Xxx

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials


"It's not just a sub thing - it's to do with the endorphin crash after a good sesssion

"

I had this for the 1st time on Saturday - it really took me by surprise. At least now I know it's not just me being hormonal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think genuine Doms are able to read their subs x

I mean if they can allow their sub to access a sub space then mentally they will be In tune x

Conversely after play should involve aftercare x

I believe being caring considerate x attentive and compassionate to the feelings of someone coming down x

Like a previous poster said there is no one solution

Maybe it's making a cuppa x or wrapping up in favourite blanket x

Perhaps it a foot rub or shoulder massage x

For those who don't live together then maybe it's txts x a phone call x FaceTime x

Eventually you will both work out what suits you and your situationx"

The drop that someone can experience does not always happen straight away after play.

Also, not everyone is able to read their play partner. People need to be self aware of their limits, the right way to react when things do go wrong, how to manage the aftermath and, most importantly, learn! A decent person will learn how to read their partner over time. Not having the ability to read someone when you first meet does not make you any less genuine.

Also, people can space out for many different reasons. You don't have to be being topped to reach some sort of space. It may be an intense orgasm, losing breath due to high activity levels (and I'm sure there are many other things).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not a submissive. However I do get the come down. For me I think it's because I don't have sex very often and it's always combined with lots of affection and a strong mental connection. I crave it so when it's gone and I miss it. I'm usually a bit low in my mood or grumpy for a couple of days then return to normal. It's worth it though.

The dynamics of a BDSM relationship mean that these intense feelings are probably heightened.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd also love to know if men feel like this or if it's just a woman thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ye we really aren't mind readers , and it is diffuse to show the other side without wanting to show weakeness in our dominant side.

Be forward and honest from the start. I have a sub and she was forward and honest , although there are some attachments at times she understands I won't full commit to a relationship but having me there for comfort from time to time works well for both our careers and time management

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Difficult **

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd also love to know if men feel like this or if it's just a woman thing "

Yes it can happen to anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I Always put it down to my insecurities and shame at what I had done..xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just need to accept what you enjoy and not see it as abnormal.

It just means your human everyone has a side where they crave effection

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Had an amazing night last night with fb and another guy..I got used and abused..all very horny. Had a 10min quiet, cuddle afterwards with fb and came home.

Woke up today feeling weepy, bit shaken up and desperate for some tlc and hugs etc.

This happens a lot..every time I feel like this I feel like I need to stop doing the sub thing but in the mood and the moment I absolutely love it.

Any advice or experience folks?

"

Doesn't sound good to me. The adrenaline and excitement seems to be taking over your true feelings.

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By *rab74Man
over a year ago

Huntingdon


"I'd also love to know if men feel like this or if it's just a woman thing "

I do. Dom drop is a thing too. All God's chillun got endorphins...

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By *ubslutWoman
over a year ago

wythenshawe

I love being sub, being used an even havin the bloke "pack up his balls an leav straight away" to me it's part of the kink. I used to go into sub space a lot with my ex tho an thought it was just part of bein sub. But recently with my fb feel completely different. Always get a nice text or call near enough straight away an will chat for hours after so for me feels very different xx

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By *mmabluTV/TS
over a year ago

upton wirral

Sub drop is very real,it is the cold turkey after taking drugs you have to go back for more.

There is no cure exept more submission.I only gave it up due to arthritis so could not take it anymore but loved it all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It took me quite a long time and alot of research to understand why I got all emotional, upset and down the day after a hard session, I often put it down to lack of time together to recover and us living apart doesnt help that, one of us usually ends up in work the day after too..

I never realised how important the aftercare part was on both sides! If im feeling down, used and disheartened when I leave his house I can only imagine how he feels about putting me in that mentality!

Everyones way of dealing with sub drop/dom drop is different we usually spend an hour or so at least cuddling up, talking, reassuring, eating some nice food etc.. if we are separate the day after a few cute messages and planning our next time in together is a big help

its hard trying to deal with it alone, like everyone else says in here.. talk to him he will understand and be there for you, he probably needs the attention just as much! You just need to find your own way of dealing with it together

Lady xx

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By *mallteaserWoman
over a year ago

Central


"Jack it in most doms are heartless arseholes"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bump

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots of cuddles and chat afterwards maybe some sweet tea also

NB what's with all the profile deletions... Gosh folk come and go on this site x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This was a really interesting thread. I think it's really important that there is clear communication between dom and sub about what they both need afterwards. For me that's lots of affection and love. (And a cup of tea!)

Red xx

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Think it is important very early on to create a "safe space".

It is an emotionally controlled anchor (stimilus/response) of a safe comforting memory that the top can fire through a word or phrase.

Most subs I know have a preference to direct trance, this takes the to the safe place and changes the hormonal balance, quickly, also they can fire the safe space anchor for themselves.

Works in my world.

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By *ombikerbullMan
over a year ago

Bromsgrove

CCK is always a good place to start

Cuppa

Cuddle

Kissing

not in any specifc order btw.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Lots of cuddles and chat afterwards maybe some sweet tea also

NB what's with all the profile deletions... Gosh folk come and go on this site x"

The thread is over a year old

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"Lots of cuddles and chat afterwards maybe some sweet tea also

NB what's with all the profile deletions... Gosh folk come and go on this site x

The thread is over a year old"
so are most people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think genuine Doms are able to read their subs x

I mean if they can allow their sub to access a sub space then mentally they will be In tune x

Conversely after play should involve aftercare x

I believe being caring considerate x attentive and compassionate to the feelings of someone coming down x

Like a previous poster said there is no one solution

Maybe it's making a cuppa x or wrapping up in favourite blanket x

Perhaps it a foot rub or shoulder massage x

For those who don't live together then maybe it's txts x a phone call x FaceTime x

Eventually you will both work out what suits you and your situationx"

Totally agree. My Dom takes great care of me ... as well as lots of care immediately after the session he has given me the tools to recognise and deal with drop when he's not there. He's also available on the phone if I need him.

A previous Dom didn't understand what I went through ... it wasn't pleasant.

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By *Carver-Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

This is a really useful thread. Thanks everybody!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sub drop caby really be avoided but it can be managed. Make sure you are aware of it and if you are prone to it make sure the people you are with know. It's part of the ride for many people x

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Hmmm some useful posts on this thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really informative thread - thanks peeps X

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By *eshzMan
over a year ago

0151

[Removed by poster at 21/10/16 09:14:02]

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By *eshzMan
over a year ago

0151

You'd be suprised to know many guys go through similar feelings sometimes. Heard it before from other guys.

I think if the people you're playing with are friends, communication and some form of reassurance and emotional connection to calm the drop feeling helps... I think the drop gets worse as we age...fuxking side affects of aging I guess haha. Apologies I come across making a joke about this matter.. Just trying to make this light hearted and to say and share what others have said...which is, its normal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People often forget there is also Dominant drop which can be equally as emotional as sub.

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By *eshzMan
over a year ago

0151


"People often forget there is also Dominant drop which can be equally as emotional as sub."

I agree with this part completely... It makes me feel like I did something not right....but at the same time I don't think I did...it does mess the emotions for a while....

Resh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People often forget there is also Dominant drop which can be equally as emotional as sub.

I agree with this part completely... It makes me feel like I did something not right....but at the same time I don't think I did...it does mess the emotions for a while....

Resh"

That it does...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talk to your dom both subs and doms experience the drop in similar emotional ways try sub space there are some interesting tips on there however communication with your fb dom is the most important one I spend a lot of time on aftercare to help with this issue ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reading with interest. Nice to see other peoples takes on it

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By *issLissCouple
over a year ago

south east

I personally feel that a good Dom should fully support you for the whole ride... this is mainly why I only do bdsm in a relationship as i need a lot of after care!!! 10 min cuddle afterwards I couldn't do... I've had a Dom just hold me all night afterwards.

Talk to your Dom, I'm sure he would want to know and be there for you x

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire


"I personally feel that a good Dom should fully support you for the whole ride... this is mainly why I only do bdsm in a relationship as i need a lot of after care!!! 10 min cuddle afterwards I couldn't do... I've had a Dom just hold me all night afterwards.

Talk to your Dom, I'm sure he would want to know and be there for you x"

This is as it should be.

Your Dom should know what you need, if you think he doesn't then explain your issue to him. He should then act on it. If he doesn't then he's not right for you.

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

I have a physical drop and/or an emotional drop. Not every time. It depends on the type and level of play and with whom, as to what aftercare I need. You can't expect tops to be mind readers. And just because one form of aftercare works for one scene, it might not work next week for the same scene.

I tend to self care now in addition to whatever a top of offering. If I know I will emotionally slump after play, then I have things planned for afterwards to comfort or distract.

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By *eshzMan
over a year ago

0151


"I have a physical drop and/or an emotional drop. Not every time. It depends on the type and level of play and with whom, as to what aftercare I need. You can't expect tops to be mind readers. And just because one form of aftercare works for one scene, it might not work next week for the same scene.

I tend to self care now in addition to whatever a top of offering. If I know I will emotionally slump after play, then I have things planned for afterwards to comfort or distract. "

Care to share how you do that _ilac?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate that feeling. I've tried all sorts to avoid it but it still happens.

Guess I'm not so tough as I think.

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"I have a physical drop and/or an emotional drop. Not every time. It depends on the type and level of play and with whom, as to what aftercare I need. You can't expect tops to be mind readers. And just because one form of aftercare works for one scene, it might not work next week for the same scene.

I tend to self care now in addition to whatever a top of offering. If I know I will emotionally slump after play, then I have things planned for afterwards to comfort or distract.

Care to share how you do that _ilac?

"

It varies. My self care can be anything from wrapping myself in blankets with pillows on the floor listening to favourite music to making sure I have a full list of activities planned to keep me occupied. Swimming helps me a lot. Especially if I'm aching after play. Just calms me right down. I have a box full of favourite stuff that I get out and rummage through if it's emotional drop like the OP is discussing.

I wrote a blogpost about the aftercare types I need from tops. I'd happily post it if anyone wants to read it. I just don't want to jam up the thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I hate that feeling. I've tried all sorts to avoid it but it still happens.

Guess I'm not so tough as I think. "

Its not about being tough its all about chemical and hormonal release within your body. One way that may help is to embrace it as part of your play. Just make sure that those you play with are fully aware of it and are prepared to help you through it.. You may well find that bringing down the level of play might help but that depends on you. No two people are the same.

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By *eshzMan
over a year ago

0151


"I have a physical drop and/or an emotional drop. Not every time. It depends on the type and level of play and with whom, as to what aftercare I need. You can't expect tops to be mind readers. And just because one form of aftercare works for one scene, it might not work next week for the same scene.

I tend to self care now in addition to whatever a top of offering. If I know I will emotionally slump after play, then I have things planned for afterwards to comfort or distract.

Care to share how you do that _ilac?

It varies. My self care can be anything from wrapping myself in blankets with pillows on the floor listening to favourite music to making sure I have a full list of activities planned to keep me occupied. Swimming helps me a lot. Especially if I'm aching after play. Just calms me right down. I have a box full of favourite stuff that I get out and rummage through if it's emotional drop like the OP is discussing.

I wrote a blogpost about the aftercare types I need from tops. I'd happily post it if anyone wants to read it. I just don't want to jam up the thread. "

I would very much love to read that if you're willing to share, I'd like to provide better after care and hearing and getting feedback from someone whose been in that position is very valuable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have a physical drop and/or an emotional drop. Not every time. It depends on the type and level of play and with whom, as to what aftercare I need. You can't expect tops to be mind readers. And just because one form of aftercare works for one scene, it might not work next week for the same scene.

I tend to self care now in addition to whatever a top of offering. If I know I will emotionally slump after play, then I have things planned for afterwards to comfort or distract.

Care to share how you do that _ilac?

It varies. My self care can be anything from wrapping myself in blankets with pillows on the floor listening to favourite music to making sure I have a full list of activities planned to keep me occupied. Swimming helps me a lot. Especially if I'm aching after play. Just calms me right down. I have a box full of favourite stuff that I get out and rummage through if it's emotional drop like the OP is discussing.

I wrote a blogpost about the aftercare types I need from tops. I'd happily post it if anyone wants to read it. I just don't want to jam up the thread. "

Thread jamming is totally acceptable lol

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By *eshzMan
over a year ago

0151


"I hate that feeling. I've tried all sorts to avoid it but it still happens.

Guess I'm not so tough as I think.

Its not about being tough its all about chemical and hormonal release within your body. One way that may help is to embrace it as part of your play. Just make sure that those you play with are fully aware of it and are prepared to help you through it.. You may well find that bringing down the level of play might help but that depends on you. No two people are the same."

Sound advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I hate that feeling. I've tried all sorts to avoid it but it still happens.

Guess I'm not so tough as I think.

Its not about being tough its all about chemical and hormonal release within your body. One way that may help is to embrace it as part of your play. Just make sure that those you play with are fully aware of it and are prepared to help you through it.. You may well find that bringing down the level of play might help but that depends on you. No two people are the same.

Sound advice "

My little one would not describe herself as tough at all. She just likes what she likes and that's all that matters.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"I have a physical drop and/or an emotional drop. Not every time. It depends on the type and level of play and with whom, as to what aftercare I need. You can't expect tops to be mind readers. And just because one form of aftercare works for one scene, it might not work next week for the same scene.

I tend to self care now in addition to whatever a top of offering. If I know I will emotionally slump after play, then I have things planned for afterwards to comfort or distract.

Care to share how you do that _ilac?

It varies. My self care can be anything from wrapping myself in blankets with pillows on the floor listening to favourite music to making sure I have a full list of activities planned to keep me occupied. Swimming helps me a lot. Especially if I'm aching after play. Just calms me right down. I have a box full of favourite stuff that I get out and rummage through if it's emotional drop like the OP is discussing.

I wrote a blogpost about the aftercare types I need from tops. I'd happily post it if anyone wants to read it. I just don't want to jam up the thread. "

No, I'd be interested - even though I am not into the same kind of stuff as you and have no dom per se, I can get intense and primal at times, and I have come to realise I am very vulnerable for a couple of days after, I seem to need to load carbs and rest a lot lol!

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

Okay... this is only posted to highlight that aftercare is so varied for me. And that I absolutely need to ask for the care I want at that particular time.

Aftercare

Note | 2 Comments · 9 Love It | over 2 years ago

So who needs aftercare and who doesn't? When and how? For how long?

A conversation with two dominants recently revealed they don't provide aftercare as they don't want to, nor do they feel the need. When it's apparent to them the sub needs some, they don't know what to do.

It's easier in an ongoing relationship but with sporadic play partners, how are they supposed to know how to support the subject they've just played with?

Ask! I would class myself as not needing much aftercare, but my requirements change depending on what mood I'm in, who I play with how and the level of play.

Of course if a sub is incoherent or unable to work out what care they need, then at least rest them safely and physically stay with them.

As a sub, I cannot abide being given aftercare when I don't feel I need it or want it. Nothing worse than a top insisting I be wrapped in a blanket in a dark room after I've done a bit of pet play and just barked like a dog.

Here is how my aftercare varies...

I'm not a tactile person but if I've endured an intense and physical ravishment scene then I may need some affection afterwards. At the very least, an opportunity to lie still with some caressing.

If a dominant has made a mess of me, as in, I'm covered in substances, then it's nice to have the dominant undo the mess they've made. Not kick me off the bed and send me to the bathroom. If I'm covered in their piss or their wax or their custard from a sploshing session, then their assistance in the shower or at least talking and laughing with me as I remove it, is a must for me. If you spunk all over my redden arse cheeks, then I'll happily lie still for you while you clean it off.

Sometimes If I've been spanked, really hard, then I like to be iced down or rubbed with arnica. Mainly due to me being so very charged and energetic after a spanking session, that brief moment of staying immobilised and soothed seems to stop be corkscrewing out of the room.

Sometimes I want to corkscrew out of the room.

Sometimes I just want to sit smiling and watch everything around me, especially if it's been public play.

Sometimes I want to sleep

Sometimes I'm instantly starving.

Sometimes I want to cry. And do so.

Sometimes If it's appropriate, then I need sexual release. This obviously depends who I've played with and how we've played. I struggled this weekend after two public play sessions in a club that sent me sky high with arousal yet it wasn't a scene that led into sexual play. I felt wired and irritated for awhile after before slumping really quickly. I'm yet to work out how to deal with that other than sloping off to masturbate.

Majority of the time, I'm a debriefer. I adore talking about what I've just done and how it made me feel. I'm very giggly during play and fidget a lot. This seems to build and at the end of a scene, I'm usually hyper. Having that debrief gives me the time to chill out, bond with my dom.

My first dom always blindfolded me during play. Blindfolds are my comfort blanket. It can take me awhile to remove them and they usually stay on during my aftercare. Our play was always sexual and very physically tiring so he'd allow me to regain composure with my blindfold still in place, sit at the end of the bed in silence and wait. I'd begin to move. I'd begin to talk. Soon enough, I'm chatting at a rate of knots, and the last section was ME choosing when to remove my blindfold. He'd still be sat on a chair at the foot of the bed, glass of red wine and we would just debrief. Then continue talking about anything and everything. Before long, I'd moved from fidgeting all over the bed to sat on the floor at his feet, ready to play again.

With casual partners and debriefing, it's good to establish the session has been enjoyed by both and to formally end any roleplay.

I'm well aware of tops needing their own form of aftercare and after play comedown and that's fine too. While I'm happy to indulge them, I've found it often swamps my preferences. Maybe I'm biased but if a sub endures pain and humiliation and has pushed them self physically and emotionally, then they get first dibs. I feel entitled to the kind of aftercare I need. And I will ask for it and expect it to be tailored towards me.

What I don't expect is a dominant to be a mind reader and know how I feel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Okay... this is only posted to highlight that aftercare is so varied for me. And that I absolutely need to ask for the care I want at that particular time.

Aftercare

Note | 2 Comments · 9 Love It | over 2 years ago

So who needs aftercare and who doesn't? When and how? For how long?

A conversation with two dominants recently revealed they don't provide aftercare as they don't want to, nor do they feel the need. When it's apparent to them the sub needs some, they don't know what to do.

It's easier in an ongoing relationship but with sporadic play partners, how are they supposed to know how to support the subject they've just played with?

Ask! I would class myself as not needing much aftercare, but my requirements change depending on what mood I'm in, who I play with how and the level of play.

Of course if a sub is incoherent or unable to work out what care they need, then at least rest them safely and physically stay with them.

As a sub, I cannot abide being given aftercare when I don't feel I need it or want it. Nothing worse than a top insisting I be wrapped in a blanket in a dark room after I've done a bit of pet play and just barked like a dog.

Here is how my aftercare varies...

I'm not a tactile person but if I've endured an intense and physical ravishment scene then I may need some affection afterwards. At the very least, an opportunity to lie still with some caressing.

If a dominant has made a mess of me, as in, I'm covered in substances, then it's nice to have the dominant undo the mess they've made. Not kick me off the bed and send me to the bathroom. If I'm covered in their piss or their wax or their custard from a sploshing session, then their assistance in the shower or at least talking and laughing with me as I remove it, is a must for me. If you spunk all over my redden arse cheeks, then I'll happily lie still for you while you clean it off.

Sometimes If I've been spanked, really hard, then I like to be iced down or rubbed with arnica. Mainly due to me being so very charged and energetic after a spanking session, that brief moment of staying immobilised and soothed seems to stop be corkscrewing out of the room.

Sometimes I want to corkscrew out of the room.

Sometimes I just want to sit smiling and watch everything around me, especially if it's been public play.

Sometimes I want to sleep

Sometimes I'm instantly starving.

Sometimes I want to cry. And do so.

Sometimes If it's appropriate, then I need sexual release. This obviously depends who I've played with and how we've played. I struggled this weekend after two public play sessions in a club that sent me sky high with arousal yet it wasn't a scene that led into sexual play. I felt wired and irritated for awhile after before slumping really quickly. I'm yet to work out how to deal with that other than sloping off to masturbate.

Majority of the time, I'm a debriefer. I adore talking about what I've just done and how it made me feel. I'm very giggly during play and fidget a lot. This seems to build and at the end of a scene, I'm usually hyper. Having that debrief gives me the time to chill out, bond with my dom.

My first dom always blindfolded me during play. Blindfolds are my comfort blanket. It can take me awhile to remove them and they usually stay on during my aftercare. Our play was always sexual and very physically tiring so he'd allow me to regain composure with my blindfold still in place, sit at the end of the bed in silence and wait. I'd begin to move. I'd begin to talk. Soon enough, I'm chatting at a rate of knots, and the last section was ME choosing when to remove my blindfold. He'd still be sat on a chair at the foot of the bed, glass of red wine and we would just debrief. Then continue talking about anything and everything. Before long, I'd moved from fidgeting all over the bed to sat on the floor at his feet, ready to play again.

With casual partners and debriefing, it's good to establish the session has been enjoyed by both and to formally end any roleplay.

I'm well aware of tops needing their own form of aftercare and after play comedown and that's fine too. While I'm happy to indulge them, I've found it often swamps my preferences. Maybe I'm biased but if a sub endures pain and humiliation and has pushed them self physically and emotionally, then they get first dibs. I feel entitled to the kind of aftercare I need. And I will ask for it and expect it to be tailored towards me.

What I don't expect is a dominant to be a mind reader and know how I feel."

The bottom line is that aftercare is different for everyone and can be different for anyone at anytime... Its good to see that you have worked through it and have plans and accept that its part of who you are...

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent

This forum reminds me so much of past play. It has been a very very long time since I explored my sub side as it is so difficult to find a single genuine Dom man who truly understands this dynamic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We never get to intense when we are around other people. Firstly we don't want to scare anyone and secondly seeing dla crying is confusing for many people and I don't want to have to spend time explaining to people when I should be looking after my little one..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I drop hard after I Dom or sub, I have a drop day outfit that always makes me feel better, comfy hoody, yoga pants and thick snuggly socks, drink sweet tea and no one is allowed to expect anything of me on that day. I found I also got the same drop when I started my new job and had to present in front of a crowd of strangers, the adrenaline drop was intense so I applied the same tactics, worked wonders.

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"I have a physical drop and/or an emotional drop. Not every time. It depends on the type and level of play and with whom, as to what aftercare I need. You can't expect tops to be mind readers. And just because one form of aftercare works for one scene, it might not work next week for the same scene.

I tend to self care now in addition to whatever a top of offering. If I know I will emotionally slump after play, then I have things planned for afterwards to comfort or distract.

Care to share how you do that _ilac?

It varies. My self care can be anything from wrapping myself in blankets with pillows on the floor listening to favourite music to making sure I have a full list of activities planned to keep me occupied. Swimming helps me a lot. Especially if I'm aching after play. Just calms me right down. I have a box full of favourite stuff that I get out and rummage through if it's emotional drop like the OP is discussing.

I wrote a blogpost about the aftercare types I need from tops. I'd happily post it if anyone wants to read it. I just don't want to jam up the thread.

No, I'd be interested - even though I am not into the same kind of stuff as you and have no dom per se, I can get intense and primal at times, and I have come to realise I am very vulnerable for a couple of days after, I seem to need to load carbs and rest a lot lol! "

I can do a really intense scene with heavy impact play. Go into sub space. Then have a tiny bit of physical drop afterwards. Then I can do some really minor roleplay and then practically emotionally meltdown afterwards. It depends on so many factors. It may come from just sexual play too for some people.

I suppose the key is identifying that you are actually having some kind of drop and looking after yourself. I'm not a big fan of the responsibility lying all on the dominant. The sub needs to be proactive in caring for themselves too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have a physical drop and/or an emotional drop. Not every time. It depends on the type and level of play and with whom, as to what aftercare I need. You can't expect tops to be mind readers. And just because one form of aftercare works for one scene, it might not work next week for the same scene.

I tend to self care now in addition to whatever a top of offering. If I know I will emotionally slump after play, then I have things planned for afterwards to comfort or distract.

Care to share how you do that _ilac?

It varies. My self care can be anything from wrapping myself in blankets with pillows on the floor listening to favourite music to making sure I have a full list of activities planned to keep me occupied. Swimming helps me a lot. Especially if I'm aching after play. Just calms me right down. I have a box full of favourite stuff that I get out and rummage through if it's emotional drop like the OP is discussing.

I wrote a blogpost about the aftercare types I need from tops. I'd happily post it if anyone wants to read it. I just don't want to jam up the thread.

No, I'd be interested - even though I am not into the same kind of stuff as you and have no dom per se, I can get intense and primal at times, and I have come to realise I am very vulnerable for a couple of days after, I seem to need to load carbs and rest a lot lol!

I can do a really intense scene with heavy impact play. Go into sub space. Then have a tiny bit of physical drop afterwards. Then I can do some really minor roleplay and then practically emotionally meltdown afterwards. It depends on so many factors. It may come from just sexual play too for some people.

I suppose the key is identifying that you are actually having some kind of drop and looking after yourself. I'm not a big fan of the responsibility lying all on the dominant. The sub needs to be proactive in caring for themselves too. "

Which goes to show that your mental state of mind before and during play has a large effect on what happens after...

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"

Which goes to show that your mental state of mind before and during play has a large effect on what happens after... "

Yeah. Loads of factors affect me. Tiredness, location, hydration, play partner, type of scene, hormones etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Which goes to show that your mental state of mind before and during play has a large effect on what happens after...

Yeah. Loads of factors affect me. Tiredness, location, hydration, play partner, type of scene, hormones etc"

I sincerely hope that as many people read your last comment as possible as its something that would serve many well to inwardly digest.

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By *emplarWarriorMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

A good Dominate will know that the subs interactions and dynamics that occur before and after a scene are just as important as the actual sex play that happens during, Aftercare or sub drop occurs when the bottom comes out of their subspace, the best Tops won’t start playing with a bottom without first knowing their “aftercare program” this can vary massively from sub to sub depending on many things. Aftercare can be as simply as making the sub a nice hot cup of tea and a biscuit to wrapping them in a blanket and holding them all night (and longer) Many people forget that some Doms have a drop too, admittedly usually sex sorts that out for me but I know Doms that suffer (sometimes as much) as the sub

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By *eshzMan
over a year ago

0151


"

Which goes to show that your mental state of mind before and during play has a large effect on what happens after...

Yeah. Loads of factors affect me. Tiredness, location, hydration, play partner, type of scene, hormones etc"

Thank you for sharing your view points Lilac. I found it very helpful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not read the replies but did you drink enough water? I find those feelings can actually be due to dehydration after a long or hard session

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This has been one of the best threads that I've read in a long time on fab, supportive and informative great stuff!

Beard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This has been one of the best threads that I've read in a long time on fab, supportive and informative great stuff!

Beard"

I agree.. it's nice to see a positive thread around Bdsm with all the nonsense

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich


"Had an amazing night last night with fb and another guy..I got used and abused..all very horny. Had a 10min quiet, cuddle afterwards with fb and came home.

Woke up today feeling weepy, bit shaken up and desperate for some tlc and hugs etc.

This happens a lot..every time I feel like this I feel like I need to stop doing the sub thing but in the mood and the moment I absolutely love it.

Any advice or experience folks?

"

In my limited experience - you cannot stop it. All you can do is try to bring the sub down gently. 10 mins is rarely enough

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"A good Dominate will know that the subs interactions and dynamics that occur before and after a scene are just as important as the actual sex play that happens during, Aftercare or sub drop occurs when the bottom comes out of their subspace, the best Tops won’t start playing with a bottom without first knowing their “aftercare program” this can vary massively from sub to sub depending on many things. Aftercare can be as simply as making the sub a nice hot cup of tea and a biscuit to wrapping them in a blanket and holding them all night (and longer) Many people forget that some Doms have a drop too, admittedly usually sex sorts that out for me but I know Doms that suffer (sometimes as much) as the sub "

I like the tea, the biscuits, the blankets and lots of cuddles plus chocolate! Don't forget the chocolate!

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By *atasha_DavidCouple
over a year ago

Slough


".... it is so difficult to find a single genuine Dom man who truly understands this dynamic."

Their in the magical forest living next to single bi fem unicorns

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to firstly warn the sub about it and not let come as a surprise and also that it is natural - it is the endorphin drop, then the mental element of feeling disconcerted at what has happened so you must provide care for both -

Physically hot sweet drinks and yes chocolate are good - mentally lots of reassurance, cuddling and stroking, whispers In drowsy ears and gentle kisses are essential - sub drop is natural, the desire felt before was natural and nothing has been wrong - all of those things need saying and repeating

The worst thing to do is leave her alone - that is a cardinal sin in my book

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By *emplarWarriorMan
over a year ago

Nottingham


"A good Dominate will know that the subs interactions and dynamics that occur before and after a scene are just as important as the actual sex play that happens during, Aftercare or sub drop occurs when the bottom comes out of their subspace, the best Tops won’t start playing with a bottom without first knowing their “aftercare program” this can vary massively from sub to sub depending on many things. Aftercare can be as simply as making the sub a nice hot cup of tea and a biscuit to wrapping them in a blanket and holding them all night (and longer) Many people forget that some Doms have a drop too, admittedly usually sex sorts that out for me but I know Doms that suffer (sometimes as much) as the sub

I like the tea, the biscuits, the blankets and lots of cuddles plus chocolate! Don't forget the chocolate! "

Chocolates a given surely isnt it? every Dom's got a pocket full of Chocolate for afters havent they?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yea!! Chocolate!!! Though it depends where when and how you insert it. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


".... it is so difficult to find a single genuine Dom man who truly understands this dynamic.

Their in the magical forest living next to single bi fem unicorns "
lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A good Dominate will know that the subs interactions and dynamics that occur before and after a scene are just as important as the actual sex play that happens during, Aftercare or sub drop occurs when the bottom comes out of their subspace, the best Tops won’t start playing with a bottom without first knowing their “aftercare program” this can vary massively from sub to sub depending on many things. Aftercare can be as simply as making the sub a nice hot cup of tea and a biscuit to wrapping them in a blanket and holding them all night (and longer) Many people forget that some Doms have a drop too, admittedly usually sex sorts that out for me but I know Doms that suffer (sometimes as much) as the sub

I like the tea, the biscuits, the blankets and lots of cuddles plus chocolate! Don't forget the chocolate!

Chocolates a given surely isnt it? every Dom's got a pocket full of Chocolate for afters havent they?"

Or haribo jelly babies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Find the right Dom for you and it all falls into place.

I've been lucky to find an experienced Dom who knows how to communicate and gets what I need.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Jack it in most doms are heartless arseholes

Probably says more about the Doms you know rather than Doms in general "

Then I'd guess they are just arseholes playing at being a dom!

I found the only way to try and combat the drop was to ensure my dom could stay overnight so I woke up to cuddles and gentle kisses. It didn't completely diminish the drop but it certainly helped lessen it to a point where when paired with some self care (meditation, long walk, swim or having a good weep to a soppy film) I didn't feel as vulnerable

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"A good Dominate will know that the subs interactions and dynamics that occur before and after a scene are just as important as the actual sex play that happens during, Aftercare or sub drop occurs when the bottom comes out of their subspace, the best Tops won’t start playing with a bottom without first knowing their “aftercare program” this can vary massively from sub to sub depending on many things. Aftercare can be as simply as making the sub a nice hot cup of tea and a biscuit to wrapping them in a blanket and holding them all night (and longer) Many people forget that some Doms have a drop too, admittedly usually sex sorts that out for me but I know Doms that suffer (sometimes as much) as the sub

I like the tea, the biscuits, the blankets and lots of cuddles plus chocolate! Don't forget the chocolate!

Chocolates a given surely isnt it? every Dom's got a pocket full of Chocolate for afters havent they?"

First I have to find a genuine Dom! Then to expect him to arrive with chocolate as well?

Wake me up because I must be dreaming! )

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Flipping 'eck what's chocolate???

Too complicated for me....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Informative thread.

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By *atasha_DavidCouple
over a year ago

Slough


"First I have to find a genuine Dom! Then to expect him to arrive with chocolate as well?

Wake me up because I must be dreaming! )"

Or you slipped in the shower and will wake up in the psych ward.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

The concept around creating a safe space came from the work of Twitmire, not a good name for a pschologist.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"You have to firstly warn the sub about it and not let come as a surprise and also that it is natural - it is the endorphin drop, then the mental element of feeling disconcerted at what has happened so you must provide care for both -

Physically hot sweet drinks and yes chocolate are good - mentally lots of reassurance, cuddling and stroking, whispers In drowsy ears and gentle kisses are essential - sub drop is natural, the desire felt before was natural and nothing has been wrong - all of those things need saying and repeating

The worst thing to do is leave her alone - that is a cardinal sin in my book "

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"You have to firstly warn the sub about it and not let come as a surprise and also that it is natural - it is the endorphin drop, then the mental element of feeling disconcerted at what has happened so you must provide care for both -

Physically hot sweet drinks and yes chocolate are good - mentally lots of reassurance, cuddling and stroking, whispers In drowsy ears and gentle kisses are essential - sub drop is natural, the desire felt before was natural and nothing has been wrong - all of those things need saying and repeating

The worst thing to do is leave her alone - that is a cardinal sin in my book "

After heavy impact or hard play I quite like to drop alone. In fact, I wouldn't engage with my sadist for awhile after. Bit like a wounded animal retreating to lick her wounds. He didn't have a choice. Walked straight out of the house one day after play and refused to have anything to do with him. Later, in my own time, I'll engage and come round. Sometimes I need my own space to get my head back.

If we had done primal play or heavy SM, I'd just get this feeling of hate towards him for about 2 hours after. I'd just fight off any attempts of cuddles and kindness.

When I'd self sooothed, I'd come back for cuddles and/or sex.

Point is, everyone has different needs. And their needs can differ scene to scene.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"You have to firstly warn the sub about it and not let come as a surprise and also that it is natural - it is the endorphin drop, then the mental element of feeling disconcerted at what has happened so you must provide care for both -

Physically hot sweet drinks and yes chocolate are good - mentally lots of reassurance, cuddling and stroking, whispers In drowsy ears and gentle kisses are essential - sub drop is natural, the desire felt before was natural and nothing has been wrong - all of those things need saying and repeating

The worst thing to do is leave her alone - that is a cardinal sin in my book

After heavy impact or hard play I quite like to drop alone. In fact, I wouldn't engage with my sadist for awhile after. Bit like a wounded animal retreating to lick her wounds. He didn't have a choice. Walked straight out of the house one day after play and refused to have anything to do with him. Later, in my own time, I'll engage and come round. Sometimes I need my own space to get my head back.

If we had done primal play or heavy SM, I'd just get this feeling of hate towards him for about 2 hours after. I'd just fight off any attempts of cuddles and kindness.

When I'd self sooothed, I'd come back for cuddles and/or sex.

Point is, everyone has different needs. And their needs can differ scene to scene. "

And that is were sensory awareness kicks in.

If someone is in their own head, acertive side, they cannot help.focus has tone on wellbeing and the bigger the brat, the tighter the hold.

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By *ymph84Woman
over a year ago

durham

I used to get bad sub drop with an old dom but my current dom seems to understand my needs more. After heavy play I need to be held until I come down. The only time I have sub dropped was after we spent a rare night together. For me the drop was because we had been so close and intimate for longer than normal. I had a good chat with daddy afterwards about how I was feeling and it really helps.

If I know I'm going to have a really heavy impact session I will take a bottle of lucozade with me and a mars bar for the car journey home so I don't crash too badly.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Dom I used to play with al and suggested chocolate. No amount of cuddles or bringing down can stop the sub drop. It's a chemical reaction.

Dark chocolate helps to release endorphins too which helps with the emotional drop. It's like a rollercoaster ride.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This matter has come up a few times with subs and their need for aftercare

No amount of time can be set; each individual is different

Unfortunately not each Dom can afford the required amount of time to provide the right amount of aftercare

Chocolate and wine help though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Abuse is abuse, no matter how you try and disguise it in all these wonderful guises, get a grip ladies.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

There is an old Native American people saying.

You can think about hunting bison, you can dream about hunting bison. You can talk about hunting bison. Until you hunt bison you know nothing.

Odd how many people appear to know how not to hunt bison.

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By *hor ThumbMan
over a year ago

bristol

Sometimes guilt is just as much a part of the pleasure. Id say just accept it for what it is until you're enjoying being sub again, choose better doms and get plenty of cuddles too. Subbing is just a kink. Youre allowed the roller coaster emotions that comes with creative sex.

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By *nequeenslutWoman
over a year ago

rugeley

what will work for one will not work for another I find when my dom bathes me it helps

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A friend has done a piece on the website that cannot be named called "Aftercare for the Singleton".

I would recommend it, not so much about avoiding sub drop but how she deals with it.

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"Abuse is abuse, no matter how you try and disguise it in all these wonderful guises, get a grip ladies. "

What abuse are you talking about? Surely you're not suggesting that submissives (and they're not all female btw) are being abused?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse is abuse, no matter how you try and disguise it in all these wonderful guises, get a grip ladies.

What abuse are you talking about? Surely you're not suggesting that submissives (and they're not all female btw) are being abused?"

Unfortunately that is a all to common perception

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Had my first "Dom" drop, wasn't hard, just felt a little bit lonely, a bit distanced.

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