FabSwingers.com forum: Coaching and mentoring

By *hitelotus OP Man
14 weeks ago

london

Hi everyone 😊

I’ve noticed that this community holds a real wealth of experience, and most people here seem genuine and supportive. As someone still fairly new myself, I’ve also seen quite a few newcomers trying to find their place and figure out what works best for them.

From my limited experience so far, there’s such a wide range of interests, dynamics, and orientations within the lifestyle. While that diversity is a strength, it can sometimes feel a little overwhelming especially if new joiners connect with people who aren’t the right fit for them early on.

That got me thinking…

What do you all think about the idea of swinging “coaching” or mentorship? Do you think it would help if more experienced members who are open to guiding others could volunteer as mentors?

Perhaps those willing could add a note or badge/section on their profile to show they’re open to mentees?

I’d love to hear your thoughts:• Do you think this is a good idea?

How could something like this be implemented in a comfortable, respectful way?

Would experienced members be open to it?

Looking forward to hearing different perspectives and learning from you all.

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By *acavityMan
14 weeks ago

Redditch

It’s a nice idea, but open to abuse.

There will be people who will claim that the way that they swing is the only way to do it.

I think the forums, where people can get a wide variety of opinions, is a better way to guide newcomers on their journey

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By *ineteen89Man
14 weeks ago

Swindon

I reckon it’s one of those things you really do have to try for yourself - what works for somebody else absolutely might not work for yourself, and you kind have to think if you end up going too far outside of your own comfort zone as to whether it’s worth it.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with giving or taking advice, but there won’t be anything better than just going out to a social, even, or especially if it’s for the first time

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By *aandLoCouple
14 weeks ago

Southampton

"It’s a nice idea, but open to abuse.

There will be people who will claim that the way that they swing is the only way to do it.

I think the forums, where people can get a wide variety of opinions, is a better way to guide newcomers on their journey "

Being quite new to the scene still, we would agree with this. We've had a few couples try to dictate how swinging should be for us.

Guidance and advice is useful and welcome. However, there have been people who have in actuality created fear and pressure for us. Those very people probably believe they would be perfect guides 😱

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

Hello I agree finding the right mentor. I have been in the scene for 28 years some amazing experiences some not so good. I would love to help new couples and singles in the lifestyle

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By *ipstick KissesWoman
14 weeks ago

Newry

That diversity could also be problematic with regards to mentorship. Given that it's such a personal thing, there's no single correct way - what one person thinks is a great approach could be a complete no-no for another.

I think there are other issues as well. There's the potential for it to become very "cookie cutter" and, worse still, it could mask what might otherwise be obvious red flags.

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By *parky123Man
14 weeks ago

Lincoln

Despite being a newbie, I’ve given a few minor bits of advice to a couple of people but I caveat it all with “do it your way”, as I don’t see there’s a right way or a wrong way and people look for different things. And the experiences of a coupled/solo man aren’t all going to apply to a single woman, for example. At best, everything should be taken as a guide

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By *ear_TinkerbellCouple
14 weeks ago

The lost village

I think this would just invite a "right and wrong" way of swinging. Everyone and their situation is unique and individual, people need to do things that work for them not for others.

Tink

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By *CExeCouple
14 weeks ago

Hong-Kong/Exeter

I've had a few female friends over the years I'd say I've mentored and tutored in relation to playing and the scene. They on the other hand would say I corrupted them 🤣 two compared me to Lucifer from the TV show!

There's a wealth of friendly advice and decent folks here. The mentoring goes on in the forums, but sometimes folks are incapable of self deprecation or receiving well intentioned but honest advice.

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By *ellhungvweMan
14 weeks ago

Cheltenham

I am not sure what value a “coach” would bring. The whole point about the scene is that everyone is different and is looking for different things. I could coach people in what I understand it is about but that would be limited to what I am looking for.

The basics are simple: don’t be a twat. And don’t be a twat. Not sure how much more you can add.

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By *harAndBryCouple
14 weeks ago

Downham Market

Although this sounds like a great idea, we've seen how something like this can go wrong. A couple that we used to live quite locally to would pounce on newbies and try to instill in them that their way was the only way, that if they didn't play with them and go to events with them then no-one else would want to meet them.

It got to the stage where they would take newbies to our local social and then those newbies would never come back as they were scared off, or didn't agree with how this couple did things but were led to believe it was the "right" way.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
14 weeks ago

Leeds

What kind of mentoring are you thinking?

This could be really tricky considering there's so many different aspects and people who have differing boundaries.

Mrs

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By *d8567Man
14 weeks ago

Alsager

Mentoring do you mean the pointless arrogant advice given on here to men?

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By *ustluvsexMan
13 weeks ago

waterford

Its part of your journey to find what works for you, it's the learning thats the most enjoyable part,and learning from mistakes!!

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By *cottish guy 555Man
13 weeks ago

London

"I am not sure what value a “coach” would bring. The whole point about the scene is that everyone is different and is looking for different things. I could coach people in what I understand it is about but that would be limited to what I am looking for.

The basics are simple: don’t be a twat. And don’t be a twat. Not sure how much more you can add."

Great advice there. I've been approached by a few people over the years asking for assistance. It's genuinely not rocket surgery.

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