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Problems with female subs

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By *lex1965 OP   Man
52 weeks ago

Redcar

Hi all

Keep looking and finding female subs but for some reason the interactions end suddenly, have tried different approaches, different wording. different dynamics, am starting to doubt myself and wonder if it is time wasters (doubtful) or am i showing a red flag, any ideas?

Thanks Don

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By (user no longer on site)
52 weeks ago

Any D/s is built on the supposed four corner stones.

For me only a certain person can bring that side out in me. Not every Dom is suited to a sub nor a sub to every Dom

So many different levels and nuances to be had

For me I don’t truly believe it can be fully found on line and you’ll be better of going to munches and events and taking time to build something

If as you say everyone you talk to on here then vanishes you need to look at your approach or alignment to them but honestly I would suggest the munches route

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
52 weeks ago

East Sussex

Without knowing what you're doing I can't say if you're showing a red flag or not.

Are you overstepping clearly defined boundaries in any way?

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By *wendolineFoxWoman
52 weeks ago

Chester

Without knowing more, it’s hard to tell. There’s nothing red flaggy in your profile for me.

A big red flag for me, though, and not saying it’s what you’re doing, but a lot of chaps do - is to start playing the D role straight off the bat, before there’s been any trust built up. Nothing puts me off more than someone asking me to call them Master in their first message!

Another option is that a lot of people have this kind of fantasy, but when it gets closer to actually happening it’s got the potential to be a bit scary.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
Forum Mod
52 weeks ago

Central

Pretty much any single man looking for women or couples is going to have to invest lots of effort into finding the very tiny minority of them who are mutually compatible.

.

And this is magnified, once you start to limit your options, by just wanting something very specific.

You can help yourself by having realistic expectations here. And really committing in investing the required effort. You could divert your attention to more specialist arenas, as swinging isn't generally about having D/S relationships.

You could also ensure that your efforts here are backed by optimising how you use Fab. There are tons of posts for men, guiding them.

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By *ebaucherous_duoCouple
52 weeks ago

Bristol/ Daventry

Do you actually want a sub? There is absolutely no detail about your experience, training, likes, dislikes, what you have to offer. How long have you been in D/s dynamics? Have you got references? You may also wish to focus on the sites that are more suited to D/s and fetish dynamics.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
52 weeks ago

Coventry

The Internet is a flaky space anyway. By the sounds of it you keep dropping a red flag. Now that's not to say that's necessarily a bad reflection on you because what people are looking is very specific and nuanced, especially in kink. It could be simply incompatibility.

However what concerns me is you trying different approaches and changing tack. Which sounds to me like an effort to mask and fit a mold you think they want you to fit to keep them on bord. But trying to fit a square peg in a round hole is folly. Especially in the BDSM space a doomed concept. I would say (especially when looking for a sub) be yourself and express yourself as you are. This is important for both you to find the right one and for them to be going in finding the product matches that what was advertised and their consent is based on. I get this makes it harder to find a match (especially if your approach and what to want isn't a crowd pleaser). But it will make for a far better and more satisfying match. Also if people smell that your backtracking or trying hard to present what you think they want rather than being authenticly you that doesn't come across as great energy for you as a person or as a Dom.

Maybe try socialising in the kink scene. Some people (myself included) fair far better in real life interactions with people than online. Maybe the real world would be a place you'd showcase yourself better in? Also obviously we don't know the conversations you're having. Could some of those conversations show a lack of understanding, mindset or safety? Most people aren't looking for a super dom (and most aren't a super sub themselves). Just someone who gets its. It's not something that can be blagged beyond a certain point and people are wearying of those out there who do try and blag it. So I would say be honest and authentic about yourself and what your confident/competent in. And where ever you're at there's always loads of room for learning and self work that will pay off when finding someone. So take your time and access all the information and knowledge there is out there on the scene.

Mr

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By *lex1965 OP   Man
52 weeks ago

Redcar

[Removed by poster at 23/05/25 16:48:27]

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By *lex1965 OP   Man
52 weeks ago

Redcar

Thanks everyone I think I have found who I was looking for 👍 thanks for the advice it has helped me a lot from having others perspectives 🫶 to you all.

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By *vaRoseWoman
52 weeks ago

Ankh-Morpork


"Thanks everyone I think I have found who I was looking for 👍 thanks for the advice it has helped me a lot from having others perspectives 🫶 to you all."

In a day?

That there is your red flag moving way to fast

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By *ootnootboopCouple
52 weeks ago

Cheshire


"Thanks everyone I think I have found who I was looking for 👍 thanks for the advice it has helped me a lot from having others perspectives 🫶 to you all.

In a day?

That there is your red flag moving way to fast "

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

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By *omis.69Man
52 weeks ago

Birmingham

The bdsm scene is vast and so many different scenarios likes wants and fantasies

To find a “sub” that meets both your needs and as importantly their needs takes times patience understanding and relationships building

Their is no one shop stop feel like all things it takes time and more importantly trust

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By *ntelligent_tall69Man
52 weeks ago

mums cellar

Don't take this the wrong way but are you actually experienced in D/s? If not that may well be obvious and a red flag in itself.

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By (user no longer on site)
52 weeks ago


"Thanks everyone I think I have found who I was looking for 👍 thanks for the advice it has helped me a lot from having others perspectives 🫶 to you all."

Wow, 24 hours later you’ve found who you were looking for

Some kind of record/red flag/

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By *enelope2UWoman
52 weeks ago

Doesn't matter cant block distances

I wouldn't think you were a Dom from your profile.. I'd think you're just the typical fab male throwing a word around because it seems kinky.

I think the site itself has an impression that every situation is an instant. Granted YES SOME on here have less standards/less expectations/ and less criterias to get to their end point. But I don't think that's the majority.

neither is there a majority of people capable of fulfilling a Sub Dom kink outside of thinking 50 shades is the example.

Stick to seeking those that fit and have the capacity than worrying about why there's less of a pool that bends whichever way the keyboard takes them.

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By *oiluvfunMan
51 weeks ago

Birmingham

OP; you didn't use the word 'meet' did you? Such a schoolboy error! Always guaranteed to shut a Fab convo down, when you steer fantasy towards reality......you'll learn...

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By *he OpalsnakeMan
51 weeks ago

Thirsk

OK let's start from the top.

You can't just expect a dynamic to form with someone you don't know. Dynamics take months/years to fully negotiate, develop and understand.

This isn't the army and you don't get to be called sir just because you made yourself a sergeant.

Consent is king, that means ultimately the power is with the submissive in that your domination has to be accepted before it can be established.

Submission requires absolute trust and you better work damn hard to establish that. Buying a paddle doesn't cut it.

And for fucks sake read up, RACK, SSAC, all have important learning. And if you're gonna use anything know what you're doing with it.

Anyone who calls you sir or daddy without knowing you is a red flag. An even bigger one is accepting it.

The Opalsnake has spoken.

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