FabSwingers.com forum: Why are so many women and couples so rude on here?

By *otTheMessiah86 OP Man
24 weeks ago

Stockton

Look I tried, I really tried. I really didn’t want to be another whinging single man on here but sod it, I’m going to have a rant.

Every message I send is personalised to their profile, it’s very complimentary and is either non sexual or at most mildly flirtatious. I never send anything crude or dick pics. I never send shite messages like ‘hey’, ‘how’s u’ or ‘fancy a fuck’. I really do think they’re nice polite messages.

I either get left on read or deleted (which is fine I understand that) but sometimes the responses are even worse. So rude, abrupt, condescending. Like how could I even dare have the audacity to send a message.

I know you must all get absolutely inundated with messages but I’m only trying to engage in a bit of conversation.

Sorry for the outburst but I just needed to get that off my chest.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
24 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Some, not all.

Same as some men do send just 1-3 word hey or faf messages.

Some people are arseholes OP.

It is what it is

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By *hoenix_1Man
24 weeks ago

richmond

"Some, not all.

Same as some men do send just 1-3 word hey or faf messages.

Some people are arseholes OP.

It is what it is

That's right

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By *eeSoarMan
24 weeks ago

Shrewsbury, West Midlands

Yup

"Some people are just arseholes" is spot on. I also reckon some get a kick from being arseholes on here. Their attracted to these sites.

Just block em and move on. Don't let it get to you.

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By *aTina HeadTurnerWoman
24 weeks ago

Travelling

You’ve only been here for two weeks. Give it more time.

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

If you get genuinely abusive replies report, block and move on.

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By *atty CoramWoman
24 weeks ago

Wimbledon

What do you mean when you say *very complimentary* OP?

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By *londebiguyMan
24 weeks ago

Southport

Lots of rude, self absorbed and complete arseholes.

This site does seem to encourage and accept that behaviour from them.

It's sad.

I often wonder how they act in everyday life.

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By *otTheMessiah86 OP Man
24 weeks ago

Stockton

"Some, not all.

Same as some men do send just 1-3 word hey or faf messages.

Some people are arseholes OP.

It is what it is

I know. Thanks. As I say I don’t want to be another moaner but I’m sure you can appreciate my frustration. You see a profile you like, you take time time to construct a polite, personal message and you get nothing but unwarranted unnecessary vitriol back.

Just needed to let off some steam.

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

The proportion of single guys to single women/couples on here is astronomical. This means that women and couples are overwhelmed with messages from single guys which inflates their self-worth.

Also, because they receive so many messages, it is unreasonable to expect them to respond to all of them, especially when they come from profiles that don't pique their interest. It is also important to remember that single guys can be rude as well, and statistically speaking, because of the proportion of single guys to women/couples, women/couples are more frequently exposed to the rudeness of single guys than the other way around.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
24 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

"Some, not all.

Same as some men do send just 1-3 word hey or faf messages.

Some people are arseholes OP.

It is what it is

Just needed to let off some steam."

You'll learn to spot the red flags for people who are more likely to do that from their profiles eventually.

If there's enough on there to get you interested enough to compose a polite and personal message, there'll be something on there to indicate what kind of response you're likely to get

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
24 weeks ago

Central

"Lots of rude, self absorbed and complete arseholes.

This site does seem to encourage and accept that behaviour from them.

It's sad.

I often wonder how they act in everyday life."

The site doesn't encourage it. Inappropriate behaviour is unwanted and we each can report it

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By *otTheMessiah86 OP Man
24 weeks ago

Stockton

"What do you mean when you say *very complimentary* OP?"

So if were to message yourself, I’d probably go for something like this:

“Hi Tatty,

I really like you profile. You have some amazing photos, the rainbow fishnet is my personal favourite.

Would love to take you out sometime. If it goes well we might even show each other our ankles”

So what we thinking? Help a guy out. Is that a good chat up or am I just shit at this?

It shows I’ve genuinely read your profile and there’s a bit of humour in there. I think it’s good anyway.

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By *issmorganWoman
24 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

Sounds an obvious question op, but are you fully reading their profiles and making sure you're what they're looking for, before you message.

One of the biggest bug bears of many on here is that people say they've read a profile and then clearly havent.

For example I had one yest, said he'd read my profile. He smoked and was 90 miles away, but nearby for the eve and looking for a meet.

I'm not meeting at min, never meet smokers or people just in town for the night. He hadn't read my profile at all, so I instantly deleted.

I think many get so frustrated on here, by lack of replies, by not reading profiles etc. That's still no excuse for abuse though, so make sure you report them op.

It's tough for single men due to the numbers of them on fab.

I did pick up on you saying you send flirtatious, complimentary messages. I personally am not a fan of those type of messages as a first contact, especially if they're ott complimentary.

It's not rude to not answer messages though, as some women and couples get so many.

When they're sending rude replies what are they saying to you?.

I'm never rude, but can be quite sarky if it's obvious someone is not what I'm after or has just disregarded my preferences.

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By *ittleMissCali_MrDJCouple
24 weeks ago

wonderland.

[Removed by poster at 15/06/24 10:47:39]

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By *atty CoramWoman
24 weeks ago

Wimbledon

"What do you mean when you say *very complimentary* OP?

So if were to message yourself, I’d probably go for something like this:

“Hi Tatty,

I really like you profile. You have some amazing photos, the rainbow fishnet is my personal favourite.

Would love to take you out sometime. If it goes well we might even show each other our ankles”

So what we thinking? Help a guy out. Is that a good chat up or am I just shit at this?

It shows I’ve genuinely read your profile and there’s a bit of humour in there. I think it’s good anyway."

Hello OP

It's a good message so firstly thanks for taking the time.

I would reply with - you're not for me but thanks for the message and happy fabbing!

there is no version of your message that would provoke a more favourable result (though there are many versions that might receive what you perceive as rudeness or vitriol)

I think once you have reached out, people are within their rights to respond as they wish. Having a set of expectations based on your approach is perhaps going to result in disappointment.

Yes people can be unnecessarily rude (I include myself in this) but many people could argue that unsolicited messaging is equally unnecessary....

There is no sure fire guaranteed way to ensure mutual attraction unfortunately. Attraction isnt based on merit.

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By *otTheMessiah86 OP Man
24 weeks ago

Stockton

"Sounds an obvious question op, but are you fully reading their profiles and making sure you're what they're looking for, before you message…. "

Hi MissMorgan, I’ve seen you respond to a lot of posts on here and always give good advice so thanks. I personally think my messages are targeted right and the tone is appropriate. I’m new here so maybe I am getting it wrong.

The responses I’m getting are rude and abrupt but to be fair they’re not reportable. It’s not as if they’re racist or homophobic or derogatory, it’s just unnecessarily mean.

As I say I’m just having a bit of rant, I’m not letting it really bother me.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
24 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

"The responses I’m getting are rude and abrupt but to be fair they’re not reportable. It’s not as if they’re racist or homophobic or derogatory, it’s just unnecessarily mean.

As I say I’m just having a bit of rant, I’m not letting it really bother me."

What do you mean by abrupt?

I've been told I'm rude for a simple "No thanks." But no-one has ever been able to tell me why that is rude.

Sometimes, I will just send "No." Because something about their message or profile made me less than grateful to receive it. Is this what you consider rude and abrupt, or something else?

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By *wendolineFoxWoman
24 weeks ago

Chester

I suspect you’ve just been unlucky with the people you’ve messaged; there’s no need to be mean if the message is crafted as you say.

I can sometimes be a bit sarky if someone’s clearly not read my profile, which I guess could be read as being a bit mean - but I’d never do that if someone’s tailored a message specifically.

Chin up - block and report when there is unnecessary meanness and keep going.

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By *eroLondonMan
24 weeks ago

Covent Garden

Prêy, my love, you're supposed to utter "Charmed, but no thank you". There is brevity in "No thanks" and it has no place for a Goth Frock.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
24 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

"Prêy, my love, you're supposed to utter "Charmed, but no thank you". There is brevity in "No thanks" and it has no place for a Goth Frock.

Nëro I usually have at least 40 messages to get through in my inbox. More than 2 words will more than double the amount of time wasted trying to be polite to people who aren't interested in me getting what I want from the site.

Fuck that noise

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By *issmorganWoman
24 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

"Sounds an obvious question op, but are you fully reading their profiles and making sure you're what they're looking for, before you message….

The responses I’m getting are rude and abrupt but to be fair they’re not reportable. It’s not as if they’re racist or homophobic or derogatory, it’s just unnecessarily mean.

As I say I’m just having a bit of rant, I’m not letting it really bother me."
.

You're welcome.

Some people are just idiots in real life, that includes men, women and couples.

I do understand it's frustrating, I find fab frustrating for other reasons.

If you're sending a tailored message and still getting rude replies, think of it as dodging a bullet so to speak.

Block and report idiots, join in on the forums and maybe think of getting to an organised social of you can. They are great ways to get known and meet others.

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By *endalshaggersCouple
24 weeks ago

Kendal

Good luck, hope you find someone!

We can relate to where your're coming from on both your prospective and from the couples/females replying perspective.

From your perspective, it's great you've actually read the person's profile and tailored a personal message. Most people seem to demand that or you put a certain "phrase" in your message. We have done similar, and messaged couples that apparently are looking for similar to what we are, and get either nothing (ok, fine) or completely rude and condescending replies back. On this site it seems the vast majority of couples want a female and only an "exceptional male" (which reading between the lines is absolutely extremely well hung, and have muscles from every orifice and the stamina of a long distance marathon runner). And if you don't fit that category - which most of us sadly don't - then tough luck.

From the other side, it is true we as couples get a lot of messages. The majority of people don't read your profile, send the boring "hey how's you want to fuck", or are proposing doing something that they'd know if they read your profile, we aren't interested in. So sometimes it is easier to delete the messages or just not reply to they actually get the hint. We've replied to some in the past to explain the "thanks but not thanks" and then get bombarded with "well why not what's wrong with me" type replies. So you may unfortunately just fall into the "single guy messages, delete" trap.

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By *INKED INKMan
24 weeks ago

colwyn bay

Having been on here previously as a couple with my ex ...I feel sorry for some single men unfortunately some have bad reputations on here and also in clubs...I'm guessing couples or women get hundreds of messages off single men there comes to a point where you get fed up of it...now I have a single profile on here I tend to Fab photos I like and either send a wink and wait for a response ...I guess it's just a case of having patience and I'm sure something will happen

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By *luttyLaylaWoman
24 weeks ago

North West

Some people are just arseholes

Are you messaging people who’s profiles you appeal too?

Just cos you’re reading theirs and personalising the message doesn’t mean your what they are looking for?

I just delete rather than reply these days as you can’t win either way

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By *LR68Man
24 weeks ago

Peterborough

Take it as a badge of honour OP! At least your message is being acknowledge.. but if they are taking the time and effort in sending an abusive message, surely it would be quicker to just say "no thank you"

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By *corpioboyMan
24 weeks ago

Glasgow

Hi OP, it sounds like you’re doing everything that you can at the moment. Being polite and respectful to other members of the site is correct I think. I always try to be supportive too and will always try to respond to messages. I have no time for arrogant or aggressive people though. As you know women and couples get lots of messages on here and it would be unrealistic to expect replies from everyone. It can be a hard site at times and you need to be pretty thick skinned too but there are lots of really good, really nice people on here. Maybe try and get to socials and parties and get yourself known. You’ve only been on the site 2 weeks and it can take time. As others have said previously on different threads it’s not Instashag and there are no guarantees but good luck to you. Hope you find something for you on here.

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By *xposedInTheSunCouple
24 weeks ago

Cambridgeshire

"I either get left on read or deleted (which is fine I understand that) but sometimes the responses are even worse. So rude, abrupt, condescending. Like how could I even dare have the audacity to send a message."

Just look on it as a lucky escape...

In reality, your beautifully crafted message has achieved something. It means that you were able to identify them as people you wouldn't ever want to meet without the hassle of actually meeting them.

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
24 weeks ago

"The proportion of single guys to single women/couples on here is astronomical. This means that women and couples are overwhelmed with messages from single guys which inflates their self-worth.

I think only a man could say that all the messages inflates women and couples self worth, if you see the content of some of what we get sent, that won't inflate anything. I don't need to be sent 100 dick pics a day to know that I'm worth it

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By *weet and SpiceCouple
24 weeks ago

Around the Midlands

We try and respond to all well thought out messages (they don't have to be essays!), even if it's a polite "no thanks".

Unfortunately we do still get the "what's wrong with me" responses from some.

Keep going OP

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

Had a lady wink and message me chat was going back and forth polite conversation just trying to get a reopore going then bang blocked for no reason why when she opened the door for a chat ?

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By *esYesOMGYes!Man
24 weeks ago

M20

"Some, not all.

Same as some men do send just 1-3 word hey or faf messages.

Some people are arseholes OP.

It is what it is

Hello Hadelse, you just hit the nail on the head.

Rude people make it easier for you to know who to avoid.

Maybe we should thank them for their indiscretion.

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By *kexplorersCouple
24 weeks ago

Stockport

We always try and respond, especially if we get a well thought out message. Still frustrating when we say we ask single men to not contact us, and we’re looking for bi couples… then get a straight man messaging.

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By *oleraine-coupleCouple
24 weeks ago

coleraine

Man send lots of lazy or childish messages but without doubt our worst messages have come from couples.

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By *oleene HoneybeeWoman
24 weeks ago

on the naughty side of the street

You've been on the site 2 weeks.

That is nothing.

It takes time to get use to fab it isn't like the Vanila world or other social networks.

There are so many forum chats discussing this exact same issue.

I like most single women on here procrastinate with the sheer amount of messages we recieve.

I do try to do a quick filter on my messages but get so overwhelmed by the amount. I currently have 613 in my inbox and it's daunting.

I won't be the only female on here with that prospect.

On a personal note

I don't engage with anyone who isn't verified by more then one prpfile. I desire experience in this scene not just sex.

Go try a club night at a swingers club near you. It's a perfect way to get to know people.

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By *anJenny 181Couple
24 weeks ago

Preston

You don't accommodate so that will narrow down the number of possible meets or interest in your profile by others who can't accommodate.

It will also raise suspicion that you are married / cheating.

Fab state accept no reply as no thank you it's in the rules / info - so that's something we all have to accept as part of the deal.

Hope that helps - by the way we drove 30 minutes to a single male on an arranged meet, when we got a mile away he disappears

That's why couple & single females can be frosty, we then had a 30 minutes drive back home with a no show.

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By *oleene HoneybeeWoman
24 weeks ago

on the naughty side of the street

"You don't accommodate so that will narrow down the number of possible meets or interest in your profile by others who can't accommodate.

It will also raise suspicion that you are married / cheating.

Fab state accept no reply as no thank you it's in the rules / info - so that's something we all have to accept as part of the deal.

Hope that helps - by the way we drove 30 minutes to a single male on an arranged meet, when we got a mile away he disappears

That's why couple & single females can be frosty, we then had a 30 minutes drive back home with a no show.

100%

So many similar stories from so many couples and females

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By *loss aka Miss JonesWoman
24 weeks ago

south coast IOW

"Prêy, my love, you're supposed to utter "Charmed, but no thank you". There is brevity in "No thanks" and it has no place for a Goth Frock.

Fuck that noise

Love this and 100% agree.

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By *r SpiegalMan
24 weeks ago

gateshead

I have had some very rude ones and I just blocked them.

I get exactly the same and just see it as it is because of high access to men on site where because of high messages options are high.

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By *iberius61Man
24 weeks ago

Pontefract

I've ever really had a rude response tbh, I mean a few who say thanks, but no thanks, mostly just no response, sometimes not even reading my messages, but no rude ones...bet I get some now

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By *ust a little bit moreWoman
24 weeks ago

kendal

As a single woman, I receive a lot of messages, of those messages I read maybe half of them, if they have no profile picture, or a profile pic that is their cock, aren't verified, or contain less than a sentence, i simply delete them.

Of the remainder I probably only reply to maybe 10% of them, because they're either not to my taste or the profile is lacking.

Most women I think are of a similar nature! I'm not sure how people have the time to reply to people who they aren't interested in, I get 50/60 messages a day and I'd need a full time fabmin assistant to do it for me.

There is no need for rudeness though....if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

I also think that part of it may be that generally speaking, single females are outnumbered by about 30 to 1 here at least and a lot of what we get aent is absolute tripe! So some have automatically tarred all males with the same brush, and a lot air on the side of caution!

If you've only been here a fortnight tho, I have to ask what we're you expecting? Xx

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By *ust a little bit moreWoman
24 weeks ago

kendal

"We try and respond to all well thought out messages (they don't have to be essays!), even if it's a polite "no thanks".

Unfortunately we do still get the "what's wrong with me" responses from some.

And then sometimes you'll get another, and another and another, and when you don't reply you'll get some abuse just for good measure.

Keep going OP

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By *he beard and the bumCouple
24 weeks ago

Lancashire

We get a lot of messages and sometimes it’s tricky to keep on top of our inbox but we really do try our best to reply to anyone who has clearly made an effort with their message. One liners get deleted and rude members get blocked without a second thought. Hang on in there and try not to let it get you down.

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By *eroLondonMan
24 weeks ago

Covent Garden

"Prêy, my love, you're supposed to utter "Charmed, but no thank you". There is brevity in "No thanks" and it has no place for a Goth Frock.

Fuck that noise

Love this and 100% agree. "

•

Prêy and I were just ruffling our plumages.

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By *pecialdaysMan
24 weeks ago

oxford

"Look I tried, I really tried. I really didn’t want to be another whinging single man on here but sod it, I’m going to have a rant.

I know you must all get absolutely inundated with messages but I’m only trying to engage in a bit of conversation.

Sorry for the outburst but I just needed to get that off my chest."
I really couldn’t agree more. As a recently single guy I’ve changed my profile and I’m the same as you I put a lot of thought and effort into a message, I’m never rude I’m polite I never unsolicited pics and I get left unread deleted or just plain read and no reply which I find even ruder. I’m sorry couples and ladies I know we all live busy lives but I can spend 10 mins on a message is a simple 30 secs reply really too much to ask for! I receive messages on here that really are not what I’m looking for but I always reply it’s common courtesy. When someone’s profile says I don’t have time to reply to everyone I’m sorry but that’s a cop out way of saying I can’t be bothered. Simple manners that’s all it is

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By *weet and SpiceCouple
24 weeks ago

Around the Midlands

"We try and respond to all well thought out messages (they don't have to be essays!), even if it's a polite "no thanks".

Unfortunately we do still get the "what's wrong with me" responses from some.

And then sometimes you'll get another, and another and another, and when you don't reply you'll get some abuse just for good measure.

Keep going OP

Thanks for the add.... so true

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By *wendolineFoxWoman
24 weeks ago

Chester

"Look I tried, I really tried. I really didn’t want to be another whinging single man on here but sod it, I’m going to have a rant.

I know you must all get absolutely inundated with messages but I’m only trying to engage in a bit of conversation.

Sorry for the outburst but I just needed to get that off my chest. I really couldn’t agree more. As a recently single guy I’ve changed my profile and I’m the same as you I put a lot of thought and effort into a message, I’m never rude I’m polite I never unsolicited pics and I get left unread deleted or just plain read and no reply which I find even ruder. I’m sorry couples and ladies I know we all live busy lives but I can spend 10 mins on a message is a simple 30 secs reply really too much to ask for! I receive messages on here that really are not what I’m looking for but I always reply it’s common courtesy. When someone’s profile says I don’t have time to reply to everyone I’m sorry but that’s a cop out way of saying I can’t be bothered. Simple manners that’s all it is "

I think we’re all saying that nobody deserves a rude reply if you’ve clearly put some effort into your message. I’d disagree though that it’s poor manners not to reply at all - and the site FAQs say the same.

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By *aomilatteCouple
24 weeks ago

Visiting Blackpool

"Look I tried, I really tried. I really didn’t want to be another whinging single man on here but sod it, I’m going to have a rant.

I know you must all get absolutely inundated with messages but I’m only trying to engage in a bit of conversation.

Sorry for the outburst but I just needed to get that off my chest."

There are also many rude Men judging by the messages some get (a bit more than rude). So there are rude people in general.

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By *nniebellaWoman
24 weeks ago

Harrogate

From a single girl, I'd love you to come and read my inbox ... I think you would be shocked at the volume of rude, vulgar and downright abusive messages I get from men. My point is, it's not women and couples, it's people in general. As harsh as it sounds ... block, delete and move on.

As for the comments on 'no reply' being rude. I'm sorry but I'm one of those people and I don't see it as rude. I'm getting 60+ messages in my inbox daily. I absolutely don't have time to reply to them all. I have a life outside of fab! Occasionally when I have tried a polite 'no thanks' I'm greeted by 'why not?', abuse or more messages and harassment. It's not worth my time, my sanity or the upset that it causes. As far as I'm concerned, no reply is a reply and id be happy with that if I received it from someone who I initially contacted too.

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By *anky_PankyWoman
24 weeks ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

Shrug it off.... Try a social or a party at a club. People are more forthcoming in person

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

If someone is rude to you after you’ve sent them a polite message then you’ve dodged a bullet.

It’s a reflection of them, not you.

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By *ienickMan
24 weeks ago

Selston

How do you go about trying to chat to someone with nothing to work with on there profile?

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By *AB74Man
24 weeks ago

Midlands

I've never experienced rudeness...alot of the time they don't even reply lol.

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By *wendolineFoxWoman
24 weeks ago

Chester

"How do you go about trying to chat to someone with nothing to work with on there profile? "

My opinion is that you shouldn’t bother. You’re not a mind-reader; it’s hard enough to write a good message that will be well received when there is a profile. Without it, you’ve got even less chance. And - if someone can’t even be bothered writing a profile, what else will they not be arsed about? (The other side of the coin is - why/how do you think you’re a match for them?)

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By *iverstMan
24 weeks ago

Rossendale

Try getting to a club OP.

I find messaging as frustrating as you and face to face meets are so much more fulfilling - if you don’t get together at least you have had a conversation and hopefully a few laughs.

I can see both sides of the argument so it’s difficult to give a solution.

I think the only way would be limit the number of initial messages available as that would make sending lots of “Hi” messages counterproductive - the same could be said for winks too. This would drastically reduce the content of a ladies inbox too – so with less messages but containing more relevant content it could potentially be more positive for ladies also.

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By * F 2018Couple
24 weeks ago

shropshire

"Look I tried, I really tried. I really didn’t want to be another whinging single man on here but sod it, I’m going to have a rant.

I know you must all get absolutely inundated with messages but I’m only trying to engage in a bit of conversation.

Sorry for the outburst but I just needed to get that off my chest."

You rant away lovely! People are arseholes sometimes, even when you aren't on fab ! Don't know why they are like it , perhaps they are having a bad day or run out of batteries

But you keep going . trying is better than giving up .... if they are like that probably not worth it anyway

Fox

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By *ornucopiaMan
24 weeks ago

Bexley

I suspect that the OP's lack of success is down to not having any tattoos or piercings.

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By *iss DevilWoman
24 weeks ago

Bedford

OP, if you could answer me why men can't understand a simple "I only meet in clubs, by chance" and push for a 1:1 meet "just for coffee", I might be able to answer you why women and couples get rude.

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By *oleene HoneybeeWoman
24 weeks ago

on the naughty side of the street

"Look I tried, I really tried. I really didn’t want to be another whinging single man on here but sod it, I’m going to have a rant.

I know you must all get absolutely inundated with messages but I’m only trying to engage in a bit of conversation.

READ THE FAQS.....

If you don't understand or agree with them.....

Sadly

I don't think this is the right site for you

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By *heerful lustCouple
24 weeks ago

Spalding

We treat everyone as we like to be treated but if you’re rude to us expect it back

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By *otwife life!Couple
24 weeks ago

Liverpool

As a couple we can be overwhelmed with messages. A lot of people don't read our profile to see what we are looking for so they get deleted along with the cock pics , no profile pic or wanna fuck people. So we delete 95% of our messages.

We've been let down twice in the last two weeks by men we had been chatting to for a while. We've not had many meets off here for the reasons I've explained. We've had some good meets on here but that's rare at the min , we find. We've had better look in clubs recently. We keep trying but I am fussy too and won't just play with anyone. Whereas some people aren't as fussy. It's just luck at the end of the day really x

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By *uenevereWoman
24 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

Don't be overly flirtatious or send OTT compliments in first messages and ignore or delete when sent.

As for no response the FAQs say:

It's not rude not to reply.

Some ladies and couples get hundreds of messages a day so it simply isn't possible for them to reply to everyone. If you don't get a response, you should assume they aren't interested.

I recommend reading the FAQs.

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By *xbabyxxxWoman
24 weeks ago

Bradford

There are a lot of men that ruin it for everyone else on here n send 3 word messages or asking for a meet straight away

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By *rsPricklePantsWoman
24 weeks ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"There are a lot of men that ruin it for everyone else on here n send 3 word messages or asking for a meet straight away "

This is true as well as sending unprovoked abuse without prior contact in either direction

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By *nnnd.tMan
23 weeks ago

merseyside/spain

Men have unrealistic expectations.

Most men watch too much porn.

Most men have never properly spoken to a female in reality so have no grasp on how to approach.

Most men think this is a guaranteed site for a quick hook up.

Illiterate and monotonous messages that women get by the hundreds.

But a fair few women are here for validation so they will turn into someone they clearly aren’t and enjoy the power trip. But I reality they are here as they won’t tend to get men approach or speak to them away from here.

A percentage also seem to think manners are expensive and have none.

OP chill my mate, it’s fab…

If and when you get to talk to people, you’ll see they have no manners and many you do speak to, won’t be one you should try to meet….

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By *unning onCouple
23 weeks ago

leatherhead

It must be tough being a single male on here, but some guys simply make no effort and can be total pricks tbh. Having a couples profile means you need to do a lot of filtering (and I mean a lot!) to sort the wheat from the chaff. Most of our meets with gys come from previous connections we've made xx

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By *ysteryjakeMan
23 weeks ago

belfast

I agree with you with every thing your saying It happens to me all the time Im never am rude and I don't write one liners I do read there profile befor hand : yes some times they say not looking single guys at min : but I do ask nicely and I don't send cock pics .and I get some rude reply also 2 couples have let me down late at night :they give me there town and to go there and wait on more information on phone so I got taxis got there notting wat a waste of time: on one of the times I had to walk about 5 miles home I was very very cross and they also block me

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By *loss aka Miss JonesWoman
23 weeks ago

south coast IOW

[Removed by poster at 16/06/24 05:48:04]

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By *loss aka Miss JonesWoman
23 weeks ago

south coast IOW

have this on my profile too re parties yet still get messages all the time from guys wanting to arrange 1-1 meets or just chat. I dont use fab as a chat site with guys that im never going to meet, I also get messaged constantly from guys outside my age limits which are stated very clearly in my profile along with the phrase that i wont respond if you are outside them. When i point this out to guys i get abuse so its easier to just delete half the time.

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By *inglemenapplyhereCouple
23 weeks ago

Ely

It's hard for single males on here! Or anywhere in fact.

So many men don't read the profiles actually not just men!

I don't bother replying if they send me a dick pic because I know they clearly haven't read the profile!

But also on here there's so many messages they get pushed down and then disappear.

Which is rubbish because I'd hate for guys to think I'm being rude and ignoring them because I do always try and reply x

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By *ouples_EroticaXXXCouple
23 weeks ago

manchester

"Look I tried, I really tried. I really didn’t want to be another whinging single man on here but sod it, I’m going to have a rant.

I know you must all get absolutely inundated with messages but I’m only trying to engage in a bit of conversation.

Sorry for the outburst but I just needed to get that off my chest."

You need to accept a no is a no. Don’t shoot your shot if you can’t take rejection.

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By *orthernJayMan
23 weeks ago

LHR

"Sounds an obvious question op, but are you fully reading their profiles and making sure you're what they're looking for, before you message….

The responses I’m getting are rude and abrupt but to be fair they’re not reportable. It’s not as if they’re racist or homophobic or derogatory, it’s just unnecessarily mean.

As I say I’m just having a bit of rant, I’m not letting it really bother me..

You're welcome.

Some people are just idiots in real life, that includes men, women and couples.

I do understand it's frustrating, I find fab frustrating for other reasons.

If you're sending a tailored message and still getting rude replies, think of it as dodging a bullet so to speak.

Block and report idiots, join in on the forums and maybe think of getting to an organised social of you can. They are great ways to get known and meet others. "

^^^ absolutely this ^^^

I’d also add (and this isn’t aimed at you OP), if you’re a single guy on here and don’t have the confidence to chat to a female stranger in any location, bar, coffee shop, vegetable aisle in Waitrose, wherever; then you’re simply wasting your time and mental wellbeing on Fab.

Too many people (mostly men, but definitely some women) believe Fab and other sites are substitutes for the real world; it’s a terrifying conception that’s getting worse as social media deepens its grip on people’s morality.

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

Boo hoo

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By *ouples_EroticaXXXCouple
23 weeks ago

manchester

"Boo hoo"

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

For me personally, if I was looking to date I'd be interested in your first message but as my perception of the men that use this site are not men i would ever consider good enough to stand my by side in life, therefore are not worth taking any time to "get to know"

However, sometimes I need a prick and this is where I find one!

Knowing who you are messing with makes it easy to to let them come and go!

Has to be a physical attraction.

So for me , the "hey" message works as I have no interest in anything other than one night of pleasure. If the face fits , the cock fits.

Plus I use the site daily but I'm only horny enough to actually make an effort and meet someone when my monthly cycle hits ovulation. The rest of the month, I can't be bothered with it. Men are horny enough to make that effort every day of the week. So just whenever I feel like it, I have it on tap.

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By *orthernJayMan
23 weeks ago

LHR

[Removed by poster at 16/06/24 09:54:30]

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By *orthernJayMan
23 weeks ago

LHR

"For me personally, if I was looking to date I'd be interested in your first message but as my perception of the men that use this site are not men i would ever consider good enough to stand my by side in life, therefore are not worth taking any time to "get to know"

However, sometimes I need a prick and this is where I find one!

Knowing who you are messing with makes it easy to to let them come and go!

Has to be a physical attraction.

So for me , the "hey" message works as I have no interest in anything other than one night of pleasure. If the face fits , the cock fits.

Refreshing honesty here guys, so if you’re happy to be “standby cock” and put month long effort in at all times then it could be you!!

Great distinction between “a cock” and “a man” #clap

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

However, sometimes I need a prick and this is where I find one!

Knowing who you are messing with makes it easy to to let them come and go!

Has to be a physical attraction.

So for me , the "hey" message works as I have no interest in anything other than one night of pleasure. If the face fits , the cock fits.

Sucks to read but this is easily one of the most honest explanations I’ve seen. Thanks for sharing.

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By *rx1Couple
23 weeks ago

North of Okehampton, South of Bideford

Afraid its the World over..

We've had lots of abuse over the years being called F'ing Sl*g, Sl*t, Wh*re, and you can imagine the rest, just because we've replied along the lines of

"Thanks for the interest/compliments, but it will be a sorry from us"

Guess some take rejection harder that others.

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

OP, you state you really tried, but you've only been here 2weeks and are now entering the 3rd. Unless you've sent 1 message every 10 mins everyday that you've been here, you can't say you've really tried

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By *pecialdaysMan
23 weeks ago

oxford

However, sometimes I need a prick and this is where I find one!

Knowing who you are messing with makes it easy to to let them come and go!

Has to be a physical attraction.

So for me , the "hey" message works as I have no interest in anything other than one night of pleasure. If the face fits , the cock fits.

Wow how honest although you scream pompous. You don’t consider the men on here good enough to stand by your side, you must be perfection personified how lucky you are!! Some people honestly

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
23 weeks ago

Newcastle

I suppose it depends what you class as ‘rude, abrupt or condescending’. Is ‘no thanks’ or ‘not interested’ rude and abrupt? Would you prefer to receive any reply rather than being ignored/left on read/deleted? A lot of women get hundreds of messages so whilst you may have spent time crafting a personalised message to send them, they’re not going to spend any time more than necessary sending a rejection.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
23 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

"Wow how honest although you scream pompous. You don’t consider the men on here good enough to stand by your side, you must be perfection personified how lucky you are!! Some people honestly

Or, she's just using the site for a quick fuck when she wants it. And that's all it is.

I think it's helpful to highlight that we're all here for different things, and one approach does not fit all.

There are plenty of people both male and female with the 'Obviously I would never date someone from fab" mentality, and as long as they're upfront about that then it's whatever. I know we're not compatible and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

Wow how honest although you scream pompous. You don’t consider the men on here good enough to stand by your side, you must be perfection personified how lucky you are!! Some people honestly.

Nothing wrong with loving yourself, knowing yourself and putting your own self interests first. Why would I put anyone else's desires above my own?

You are here for the same reason, yourself.

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By *piritualBlackBWW1979Woman
23 weeks ago

Medway

However, sometimes I need a prick and this is where I find one!

Knowing who you are messing with makes it easy to to let them come and go!

Has to be a physical attraction.

So for me , the "hey" message works as I have no interest in anything other than one night of pleasure. If the face fits , the cock fits.

This finished me!! Facts around the time of the month!

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By *nnnd.tMan
23 weeks ago

merseyside/spain

"Boo hoo"

Exactly imagine the reaction if OP got a reply and then nothing, also can happen on here.

OP it’s fab don’t take it personal or ruin your life, try again or delete your account???

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By *sirapMan
23 weeks ago

Manchester

As others have said it depends on what you class as rude, but I can imagine it’s pretty firing for a lot of women and couples on here. Let’s face it, the men in here can be right bellends sometimes.

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By *and63Man
23 weeks ago

Brighton

I too am aware of this - always been taught to try and be polite etc , but honestly I think it’s just people getting a kick for it .

Very good post by the way

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

You should read some of my replies if you think you get nasty ones,personally i just let it go over my head as i'm used to it by now,just delete and move on and forget or it will mess with your head.

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By *pinningfasterWoman
23 weeks ago

Birmingham

No need for rudeness. That said, I can't stand men who message time after time when you're not responding and then start getting aggy with you calling you a time waster. My guy I've not engaged any of your time lol

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By *piritualBlackBWW1979Woman
23 weeks ago

Medway

"No need for rudeness. That said, I can't stand men who message time after time when you're not responding and then start getting aggy with you calling you a time waster. My guy I've not engaged any of your time lol"

Hahahaha!

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By *oodlander 11Man
23 weeks ago

Christchurch

Found exactly the same, I am polite always a gent and get blocked. Good luck to you

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By *awpleasureMan
23 weeks ago

Sutton Coldfield

"You’ve only been here for two weeks. Give it more time. "

Yep and years later, you'll still feel the same lol. You'll soon realise that you're wasting your time sending long personalised messages. We all try that approach at first when you've read all their criteria and you tick all their boxes and all you get is a delete for all that effort.

It's very demoralising but you keep going and you learn to be thicker skinned. My advice is get to some clubs. Get chatting in there where a 'Hi, how are you' can work. You get some verifications and bingo, it gets better on here.

Keep battling on OP

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

Have a wank. You'll feel much better after

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By *ueerKinkyCoupleCouple
23 weeks ago

Cambridge (She/They And They/Them)

I think the ideal combo is a short message, with a face pic attached, leading to an awesome profile.

“Hi Dee and Max. I read you profile and I’m messaging because I’m really into medical fetish play and also into old episodes of Columbo! I wondered whether you’d like to have a look at my profile to see whether you want to chat more. Have a lovely day. Name”

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By *yesgreenMan
23 weeks ago

north and south

"I think the ideal combo is a short message, with a face pic attached, leading to an awesome profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

"From a single girl, I'd love you to come and read my inbox ... I think you would be shocked at the volume of rude, vulgar and downright abusive messages I get from men. My point is, it's not women and couples, it's people in general. As harsh as it sounds ... block, delete and move on.

Yes! I'm a single female and I receive a large volume of messages. I would say the same, that a lot of single men have no idea how daunting and overwhelming it is, how many us women receive. We cannot reply to everyone, we get unpleasant replies, we have a life outside of fab.

No reply is the reply x It clearly states that in the info FAQ section x

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By *uffsandkinkCouple
23 weeks ago

leeds

A no reply is not rude at all essentially unless the people/person has winked you first messages are cold calls if they choose not to reply that isn't rude it's their choice they never asked you to send them a message

But as for rude replies it's happens to everyone on here and not just from a certain group there's arseholes of all descriptions as people have already said when you find them block and move on

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By *yesgreenMan
23 weeks ago

north and south

"A no reply is not rude at all essentially unless the people/person has winked you first messages are cold calls if they choose not to reply that isn't rude it's their choice they never asked you to send them a message

But as for rude replies it's happens to everyone on here and not just from a certain group there's arseholes of all descriptions as people have already said when you find them block and move on "
They more then likely don’t get though the rude messages to get to the gentleman and as the lady said silence is a answer for us all

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By *assageVirtuosoMan
23 weeks ago

SouthEast

No one owes you anything on this site.

While rudeness is unnecessary, it reveals the character behind so you don't waste your hopes with them.

Also, some of those rude people are fake profiles, set up to wind others up.

Make sure though that you don't message anyone who clearly states "No single men".

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By *andclangCouple
23 weeks ago

South West

We always try to be polite even if its a no thanks or we aren't currently looking to meet or sorry not for us, but good luck with your quest. But often messages are either just copy and paste or someone hasnt bothered to take the time to read our profile. Guess everyone gets a little frustrated from time to time....S

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By *aturefunswTV/TS
23 weeks ago

bristol

Trouble you single men are very problematic no matter what orientation .

You get tarred with same brush unfortunately .

This am I went into the fab site and was greeted by “ you are having my cock today “

No hello , sexy pics nothing . So I now deliberately hide things in profile so I know it’s been read all the way . That’s what the idiots have caused so I’m sorry if your gen but …..

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By *r SensualMan
23 weeks ago

London

This issue would easily be solved if women and couples just use the filter to block single men from messaging if they aren’t their flavour…

Pointless putting “no single men” in your bio then whinging about receiving unwanted messages from men… Fab gives everyone the tools to use the site according to their preferences, maybe people need to start using these tools more often. Just a thought…

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By *aturefunswTV/TS
23 weeks ago

bristol

Yes but if you’ve the profile and it says no single men why would u message ?

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By *oxy jWoman
23 weeks ago

somerset

"This issue would easily be solved if women and couples just use the filter to block single men from messaging if they aren’t their flavour…

i only meet guys im not going to blanket block when its so easy just to block individuals .... its normally the people that moan the most that dont just use the block button ... people feel blocking is rude its not its a tool to make your life easier on fab...

i block for many many reasons i refuse to answer those ive no interest in as you only get abuse or why not .oh go on you;ll enjoy

as the site fills up weekly with more and more men and less and less women n couples alot of men will get more desperate and frustrated but its life ..

aint it funny that alot of men just wont accept the simple facts and maths / % the most wont get anywhere on this scene and if more saw it as a swinging scene rather than just a empty balls site it may be easier ...

it should be in bold letters in the rules nobody owes anybody anything not even a reply

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

"Look I tried, I really tried. I really didn’t want to be another whinging single man on here but sod it, I’m going to have a rant.

I know you must all get absolutely inundated with messages but I’m only trying to engage in a bit of conversation.

Sorry for the outburst but I just needed to get that off my chest."

Cards on the table.

I wouldn't have responded but that's purely because of the distance.

However, were you local, I'd 100% have responded, especially if your message was personalised.

Best of luck!

Xxx

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By *rettCoolMan
23 weeks ago

Dunfermline

Totally understand .. no 3 word messages or I would reply .. so u send a long message full of compliments ect ect telling them about yourself then a lot of the time they just read and delete .. gets on my tits .. so given up on long messages

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By *ouples_EroticaXXXCouple
23 weeks ago

manchester

"Totally understand .. no 3 word messages or I would reply .. so u send a long message full of compliments ect ect telling them about yourself then a lot of the time they just read and delete .. gets on my tits .. so given up on long messages "

Why do you feel so entitled to a reply? They didn’t ask you to message.

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By *aughtyhubby372Man
23 weeks ago

Wrexham

I find this exact same thing. You put effort into reading a profile, looking at any pics or videos to see if you think they are for you. You send a personal message. It’s always polite, with a bit of humour thrown in if I can. It’s always respectful. I’ve read what they are looking for. Attach face pic if they’ve asked straight away for one and I very rarely even get a response.

I understand I’m not for everyone and that’s fine, I do t expect a response from everyone and if the message is deleted without a response I think yeah that’s a clear message not interested but that’s very rarely the case. Messages just left read. And you begin to think what does a guy need to do on here.

I do read and ensure I’m what the person or couple I’m messaging are looking for. And that’s the frustrating thing.

But I also find you might get a reply, you carry on engaging and then messages just stop without warning and further reply. That’s also very frustrating.

I too don’t want to whinge, just find mutual fun with like minded people. But it’s bloody hard for somewhere that’s supposed to be full people looking.

I just hope that I can find something in the future.

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By *chochamberWoman
23 weeks ago

Munster

I think over time people get progressively more rude, it just becomes normalised.

There is a very broad audience on Fab, there are people that take offence to any comment other than sexual innuendo/comments.

Also everyones interest ebbs and flows, over time people get disillusioned with it.

Best thing is to take it all with a pinch of salt. It's a connection app, if there are 50 people trying to connect with you every day, after a week, your manners and patience wears thin.

Possibly best to try out clubs or social events. I think most people get sick of the messaging over time.

Keep in mind, fab is full to the brim of people with very different world views and outlook to your own. Also, they might have already built up fab networks and simply don't need new connections.

Don't take it personally.

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By *iberius61Man
23 weeks ago

Pontefract

I think either extreme is a bit too much really. I mean if you wanted to approach someone in a pub you wouldn't give them war an peace as an opening statement would you? Maybe just pick a couple of items to show that you've read their profile and leave the rest for future conversations.

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By *r SensualMan
23 weeks ago

London

"Yes but if you’ve the profile and it says no single men why would u message ? "

Ask those who clearly do not know how to read?

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By *r SensualMan
23 weeks ago

London

"This issue would easily be solved if women and couples just use the filter to block single men from messaging if they aren’t their flavour…

i block for many many reasons i refuse to answer those ive no interest in as you only get abuse or why not .oh go on you;ll enjoy

as the site fills up weekly with more and more men and less and less women n couples alot of men will get more desperate and frustrated but its life ..

it should be in bold letters in the rules nobody owes anybody anything not even a reply"

You’re preaching to the converted right here, I’m fully aware of the dynamics and numbers on this site. How 9 times out of 10 it goes against you as a solo man…

Blanket blocking men in general and seeking out those you’re interested (in my opinion) would be a better approach to take than moaning about those who aren’t of interest. But that takes making some level of effort. Funny how that’s the expectation for men, but not women & couples…

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
23 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

"Blanket blocking men in general and seeking out those you’re interested (in my opinion) would be a better approach to take than moaning about those who aren’t of interest. But that takes making some level of effort. Funny how that’s the expectation for men, but not women & couples…"

Moaning about it is a bit of an odd way to put it when it's generally in response to more threads from men complaining about not getting a response. And whenever someone does post about that issue then filters is the recommended resolution.

See also men listed as straight complaining about messages from men. See also the threads from men complaining they can't message the people they're interested in because they're using their filters.

There's no winning with it.

I make the effort for people I think I'm genuinely compatible with. I don't think anyone should really do much more than that

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By *ot to giggleWoman
23 weeks ago

Coventry

sorry to hear people are rude, i have spoken to people who have had some vile messages, there isnt any need for it but yea it does happen.

I do try to answer all my messages but its such a long winded job - even with filters on- so im on over 100 today, and currently have 41 to try and get through - so the messages are often the same thing, so copy and paste yea thanks for your message as a reply because i honestly find it such a drag to try and write so much for each one. conversations either develop or they die.

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
23 weeks ago

Newcastle

The success you have on Fab will often be similar to the success you have in ‘normal’ dating, pulling or shagging women, in ‘real life’. Just because a woman is on Fab it doesn’t mean they’re going to be whipping their knickers off for you at the earliest opportunity. It doesn’t mean you’ll get a reply, a shag or any interest at all. 99.9% of the time, there still needs to be some form of attraction. No carefully crafted message or any amount compliments will cut it if they are just not interested or they don’t fancy you. An unsolicited Fab message is the equivalent of a cold call or a spam email. No one owes you a response. No one is entitled to anything. Fab will be a miserable experience unless you have reasonable expectations.

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By *ouples_EroticaXXXCouple
23 weeks ago

manchester

"The success you have on Fab will often be similar to the success you have in ‘normal’ dating, pulling or shagging women, in ‘real life’. Just because a woman is on Fab it doesn’t mean they’re going to be whipping their knickers off for you at the earliest opportunity. It doesn’t mean you’ll get a reply, a shag or any interest at all. 99.9% of the time, there still needs to be some form of attraction. No carefully crafted message or any amount compliments will cut it if they are just not interested or they don’t fancy you. An unsolicited Fab message is the equivalent of a cold call or a spam email. No one owes you a response. No one is entitled to anything. Fab will be a miserable experience unless you have reasonable expectations. "

Agree with all of this

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By *efinitelymaybelookingWoman
23 weeks ago

fabulous land

"Look I tried, I really tried. I really didn’t want to be another whinging single man on here but sod it, I’m going to have a rant.

I know you must all get absolutely inundated with messages but I’m only trying to engage in a bit of conversation.

Sorry for the outburst but I just needed to get that off my chest."

If I gave you access to my messages for 5 mins it would help to understand.90% of the messages I get clearly don't read profile at all. Another 5% are super aggressive. It's bad . There are plenty of a holes on here too tho!

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By *efinitelymaybelookingWoman
23 weeks ago

fabulous land

"Look I tried, I really tried. I really didn’t want to be another whinging single man on here but sod it, I’m going to have a rant.

I know you must all get absolutely inundated with messages but I’m only trying to engage in a bit of conversation.

Sorry for the outburst but I just needed to get that off my chest.

Ps if I were you I'd show those thighs off more (

)

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By *eliusMan
23 weeks ago

Henlow

"You’ve only been here for two weeks. Give it more time. "

Yeah impatient sod. Two weeks! Try two years - hahaha

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By *eliusMan
23 weeks ago

Henlow

"You’ve only been here for two weeks. Give it more time. "

Yeah impatient sod. Two weeks! Try two years - hahaha

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By *r SensualMan
23 weeks ago

London

See also men listed as straight complaining about messages from men. See also the threads from men complaining they can't message the people they're interested in because they're using their filters.

There's no winning with it.

I make the effort for people I think I'm genuinely compatible with. I don't think anyone should really do much more than that

My initial post was in response to one of the responders of this thread. It’s a recommended resolution because it’s a helpful one but rarely ever put into action. Moaning about various things the grind people’s gears about this site comes from all directions for varying different reasons. Most of the solutions given are ones that work with evidence backing that up.

You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. That’s why I see these threads like the ones you’ve mentioned pretty redundant to begin with.

Good on you for taking that stance, I can’t and won’t argue with that

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By *un and Games 2016Couple
23 weeks ago

Darlington

It's not exclusive to women.... plenty of guys are meanies too

I think the main reason for it is people are just weary of cranks and assume everyone os going to be one. I wouldn't say it's particularly personal. I think 'battle weary' would probably be the right explanation for the majority of it.

The best thing is to just not give it too much brain power. Simply delete (block if ypu absolutely don't want anymore contact), forget and move on.

Save your emotional energy for people who deserve it x

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

Agreed xx

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By *elsbells2011Couple
23 weeks ago

fife

I must hold my hands up I am becoming fairly rude in my responses on fab lately. We have tried to have as much information in our profile and be as informative as possible. Guys will never understand how frustrating it is sifting though 50 + messages a day for 40 of them to be the total opposite of what we have clearly stated we are looking for. After mass deleting most of them you get the guys who repeatedly send messages even though the previous 20 they have sent have been deleted. Quite often you also get messages of abuse when we didn’t reply saying no thanks because it’s rude just to delete even though they have clearly not bothered to read our profile in the first place. Spend more time nowadays having to justify to people why they are not our type and need to explain ourselves as to why we don’t want to meet because people seem to think they are due a fuck.

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

Haven't read all the responses but I read your profile, and seen your 3 reasons for joining the site. Have you thought about the socials or clubs? Saves messaging on here, I find people alot more normal and friendly at socials than in messages. I struggle with keeping up with messages so tend to stick mines off most of the time with my message filters.

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
23 weeks ago

Tamworth

Yeah, there is a minority of couples and women who believe their own hype and others who have become so blinded by the 'all single men are evil' argument that they're incapable of replying with a polite no thanks. They're doing you a favour so you on longer put energy into them.

It's not always an easy site - so many people, all looking for different things but all I can say is, persevere. Clubs and organised socials are a good way forward.

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By *lik and PaulCouple
23 weeks ago

Flagrante

We lean towards being polite and friendly in messages so generally get the same in return...there's always the odd exception and they just get blocked.

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

"I must hold my hands up I am becoming fairly rude in my responses on fab lately. We have tried to have as much information in our profile and be as informative as possible. Guys will never understand how frustrating it is sifting though 50 + messages a day for 40 of them to be the total opposite of what we have clearly stated we are looking for. After mass deleting most of them you get the guys who repeatedly send messages even though the previous 20 they have sent have been deleted. Quite often you also get messages of abuse when we didn’t reply saying no thanks because it’s rude just to delete even though they have clearly not bothered to read our profile in the first place. Spend more time nowadays having to justify to people why they are not our type and need to explain ourselves as to why we don’t want to meet because people seem to think they are due a fuck. "

Agree

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By *oxy jWoman
23 weeks ago

somerset

should the question be why are so many men feeling entitled

why are so many men so sensitive

why are so many men not able to take a no thanks

why do so many men feel the need to be abusive

why do so many men belive by joining a web site for swingers = sex

why why why there are 100s of reasons people dont answer messages all perfectly ok ..

guys just move on if your getting abuse then report no one should put up with that ... but to be constantly crying n moaning about not receiving replys or interest is just silly .... you all know the main reason yet none of you accept it the main reason the site is so bad for men meeting or even getting replys is down to the sheer inbalence between men vrs couples and women.. thats the real reason thats before we get to rejection for what ever other reason like sexual attraction / personality ..

you know from the minute you join its a steep up hill struggle its alway been the same.. 30 years ago it was 10 to 1 at a guess it was hard for guys then but now its 100 to 1 or alot more in built up areas it neaarly impossible thats not the fault of women and couples thats just life

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By *eandmrsjones69Couple
23 weeks ago

Middle England

"should the question be why are so many men feeling entitled

why are so many men so sensitive

why are so many men not able to take a no thanks

why do so many men feel the need to be abusive

why do so many men belive by joining a web site for swingers = sex

why why why there are 100s of reasons people dont answer messages all perfectly ok ..

Agree with this ^^ and to add to the mix there are loads and I means loads of men cheating behind their partners backs. That's fine but don't be complaining about the fact that there aren't any meets. If half the guys involved their other half (agreed they do as they wish) there would be more women on the site; just saying.

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By *r SensualMan
23 weeks ago

London

"should the question be why are so many men feeling entitled

why are so many men so sensitive

why are so many men not able to take a no thanks

why do so many men feel the need to be abusive

why do so many men belive by joining a web site for swingers = sex

why why why there are 100s of reasons people dont answer messages all perfectly ok ..

So if there’s so few women & couples for men to choose from that they shouldn’t bother messaging because of this what would you suggest instead? Seeing as you’ve got all the answers…

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By *andPextraCouple
23 weeks ago

North West

I started on this profile with high hopes, replied to the majority and thanked people for winking.

Now i dont have/do that. Why?

Best message yesterday. I’d like to prolapse your arse”- nothing else, no pre amble.

Best reply to a “no thank you, not for us” message- “why are you on a swinging site if you aren't going to put out for me?”

Then add in the usual illiterate “what yous looking 4?” and what not, leads to my patience, politeness and will to live often taking a nose dive.

The only upswing is the odd nice message stands out in a stream of dross.

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By *hor ThumbMan
23 weeks ago

bristol

I’ve had messages un-read, and no reply. I have absolutely no expectations at all. My messages are always genuine. I've been on here a long time and I’ve never had a shitty reply or a “how dare you!”. I guess you need to reevaluate what you’re putting into these “tailored” messages as they’re obviously invoking some kind of offence and negative response. Maybe your messages aren’t as innocent or unobtrusive as you think.

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By *oxy jWoman
23 weeks ago

somerset

"should the question be why are so many men feeling entitled

why are so many men so sensitive

why are so many men not able to take a no thanks

why do so many men feel the need to be abusive

why do so many men belive by joining a web site for swingers = sex

why why why there are 100s of reasons people dont answer messages all perfectly ok ..

So if there’s so few women & couples for men to choose from that they shouldn’t bother messaging because of this what would you suggest instead? Seeing as you’ve got all the answers… "

see i never said they should not message what im saying is they should understand that the chances are slim very slim for most .... it not me knocking guys its just the way it is very few couples and women swing compared to vanilla life then bear in mind out of all those couples and women on here at least half are men pretending or real couples and women who dont meet and use the site as social media ... its set up to make it very differcult for men ..full stop

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By *r SensualMan
23 weeks ago

London

"should the question be why are so many men feeling entitled

why are so many men so sensitive

why are so many men not able to take a no thanks

why do so many men feel the need to be abusive

why do so many men belive by joining a web site for swingers = sex

why why why there are 100s of reasons people dont answer messages all perfectly ok ..

So if there’s so few women & couples for men to choose from that they shouldn’t bother messaging because of this what would you suggest instead? Seeing as you’ve got all the answers…

There are plenty and I mean PLENTY of couples and women who swing and ARE looking for men. I’m one half a swinging couple myself. It’s just about looking in the right places to find them. 99.9% of the time it’s in IRL and not behind a screen. Your bleak rhetoric is not helpful in any way and just adds further to the despair and frustration some have.

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By *oxy jWoman
23 weeks ago

somerset

"should the question be why are so many men feeling entitled

why are so many men so sensitive

why are so many men not able to take a no thanks

why do so many men feel the need to be abusive

why do so many men belive by joining a web site for swingers = sex

why why why there are 100s of reasons people dont answer messages all perfectly ok ..

So if there’s so few women & couples for men to choose from that they shouldn’t bother messaging because of this what would you suggest instead? Seeing as you’ve got all the answers…

that is your opinion as mine is mine no need to make it personal as we are all different you know ...just explain your there are many women and couples to the single guys who cant get meet that would have been easier do you not think ?? it them that are looking for answer to questions

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By *unchalMan
23 weeks ago

Dartford

"should the question be why are so many men feeling entitled

why are so many men so sensitive

why are so many men not able to take a no thanks

why do so many men feel the need to be abusive

why do so many men belive by joining a web site for swingers = sex

why why why there are 100s of reasons people dont answer messages all perfectly ok ..

So if there’s so few women & couples for men to choose from that they shouldn’t bother messaging because of this what would you suggest instead? Seeing as you’ve got all the answers…

I’m with you, we should keep this stuff quiet.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
23 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

We will look at your profile first before opening your message. If there’s something in there that shows incompatibility then the message won’t get read.

We get plenty of messages - a lot from blank/bland profiles, people not in our age range, people with no avatar pic, people who address one of us instead of both of us/people are rude or vulgar or have dick pics in profile or included them on the message.

It’s not hoop jumping, it’s just clear that there’s no point wasting each others time.

So if your message is detailed or short or akin to Shakespeare, it won’t matter if you aren’t compatible anyway.

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By *r SensualMan
23 weeks ago

London

"should the question be why are so many men feeling entitled

why are so many men so sensitive

why are so many men not able to take a no thanks

why do so many men feel the need to be abusive

why do so many men belive by joining a web site for swingers = sex

why why why there are 100s of reasons people dont answer messages all perfectly ok ..

So if there’s so few women & couples for men to choose from that they shouldn’t bother messaging because of this what would you suggest instead? Seeing as you’ve got all the answers…

Apologies if you felt my opinion was a personal attack. Like I already explained, the best way for guys to get meets is not online but in real life day for example at a club, party or organised social. Here, none of what you’ve said above applies.

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By *oxy jWoman
23 weeks ago

somerset

"should the question be why are so many men feeling entitled

why are so many men so sensitive

why are so many men not able to take a no thanks

why do so many men feel the need to be abusive

why do so many men belive by joining a web site for swingers = sex

why why why there are 100s of reasons people dont answer messages all perfectly ok ..

So if there’s so few women & couples for men to choose from that they shouldn’t bother messaging because of this what would you suggest instead? Seeing as you’ve got all the answers…

oh i totally agree but thats not how many men want to play also clubs are a very small part of the scene if even a quarter of all guys went to clubs there would not be enough clubs let alone couples and women ... i/we use clubs once a month all over the country we get a hotel near by very rare that a club is full or even half full ...

its not about being negative its about being real far too many men are told ''oh it will be alright'' or ''theres someone for every one'' and its just builds up for a fall/fail...

had the op ask whats the best way to meet i would have said hands down clubs but as we all know 99% want it easy via the internet

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By *unnoisseurMan
23 weeks ago

Stratford

Don’t let it get to you OP even guys like me who are perfect in every way get the same thing.

I understand the need to get those twats off your chest when you’re trying to get them on your face or dick.

All jokes aside. Don’t let someone you don’t even know affect your emotions negatively. They give less of a fuck about you than the fuck you didn’t get!!

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By *he Silver FuxMan
23 weeks ago

Uttoxeter

"Look I tried, I really tried. I really didn’t want to be another whinging single man on here but sod it, I’m going to have a rant.

I know you must all get absolutely inundated with messages but I’m only trying to engage in a bit of conversation.

Sorry for the outburst but I just needed to get that off my chest."

It is almost impossible to rise above the dross of 100’s of messages received by couples and single women on here every day. It’s exhausting, unpaid, unpleasant. If you imagine your well composed message stands out think again. If you actually get a no thanks consider that someone in that couple or single woman actually went out of their way to message back. Don’t read emotion into short messages. Tip - Always send a face pic (and not one that is set to disappear) your message will then register in their mailbox and be different to 90% of single men’s messages. Socials, parties and clubs to get meets and build your veris up for the win.

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By *onkey 2023Man
23 weeks ago

Cross Hands

It gets to you after a while. I’ve been here on and off for many years, and I’ve never seen it so full of people with a massive chip on their shoulders, inflated egos, and a sense of superiority. Then there are those who talk, arrange and then disappear from the site, or simply don’t turn up and block.

It would be laughable if it hadn’t spoilt the site…it did used to be good on here.

Have just deleted my profile write up and photos, and staying for the entertainment that’s on the Forums now.

It is what it is…there’s far more fun to be had meeting genuine people in the real world than on here now.

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

"It gets to you after a while. I’ve been here on and off for many years, and I’ve never seen it so full of people with a massive chip on their shoulders, inflated egos, and a sense of superiority. Then there are those who talk, arrange and then disappear from the site, or simply don’t turn up and block.

It would be laughable if it hadn’t spoilt the site…it did used to be good on here.

Have just deleted my profile write up and photos, and staying for the entertainment that’s on the Forums now.

It is what it is…there’s far more fun to be had meeting genuine people in the real world than on here now."

Reading through profiles and these forums there are a growing number of people who are getting disheartened and dissolutioned with this site now, this is my 3rd stint on here and never known it like this agree with all you say.

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By *ikeSM23Man
23 weeks ago

Manchester

You forgot to include ‘men’ in the topic title

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By *enSallyCouple
23 weeks ago

Blessington

[Removed by poster at 19/06/24 18:58:16]

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By *exySenseiCouple
23 weeks ago

We get loads of messages and we delete majority. Here's some advice:

- Invest in some big kid pants.

- It's not personal. People here don't care about you. You're just a dick pick or a peck pic until people get to know you. But you gotta message a lot of people - someone will eventually say yes.

- Don't let other people's behaviour affect your mood or discourage you from trying. (See my previous point.)

- People are busy, and most of us barely have time to do what we love in the real world, let alone stroke people's egos in this fake world. (See my first point about big kid pants.)

Namaste people. Remember to eat your vegetables and brush your teeth twice a day.

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By *amieLDN22Man
23 weeks ago

London

"Like how could I even dare have the audacity to send a message."

You send messages on here? To couples? *giggles*

Mate, that's a massive waste of time. They're not looking for you. You have to know your audience. They're mostly looking for other couples and select few single men if any.

And even if they say yes....lets meet. Getting them to show up on the day is another mission impossible episode.

Truth about this site: very few people are actually serious about meeting. Most are absolute jokers. You go out of your way trying to accommodate people and they don't even bother cancelling; they just ghost.

Focus on your enjoyment. Go to parties, clubs or join groups of men and socials. That's actually more fruitful than sending copy and past messages that will never get read or a response. I know you put an effort into yours but get the picture.

Search Fabs for parties and meets. Be prepared to travel and/or host. Actually show up and be reliable. Stop messaging couples or women. Put some content up and get veris. They will come to you.

Once you know enough people who can be regulars you will not need anything else.

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By *lkStallion92Man
23 weeks ago

Cork Munster Shannon Dublin

"Look I tried, I really tried. I really didn’t want to be another whinging single man on here but sod it, I’m going to have a rant.

I know you must all get absolutely inundated with messages but I’m only trying to engage in a bit of conversation.

Sorry for the outburst but I just needed to get that off my chest."

Some women on here can be rude. A simple thanks for messaging "Your not my type" Or "Not interested" will go a long way rather than them reading and ignoring. Some can be over doing it too thinking they better than you or think they 5*.

Let's be honest if fab wasn't a thing majority of this women won't even get a head turn from a man. In Ireland, the ratio of men on fab is way more than there are women. Most women on there that I've been ignored by on here to be honest with our selves we don't even approach unless your a couple pints down

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By *ornucopiaMan
23 weeks ago

Bexley

Anyone else noticing that virtually every post suggesting a variation to Fab's well publicised guidelines comes from men?

What is it that they just don't get?

The more I read of the instances of men not taking even an implied 'No' gracefully, the clearer it becomes that there is a serious problem over messaging in its current liberal form.

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By *lik and PaulCouple
23 weeks ago

Flagrante

"Look I tried, I really tried. I really didn’t want to be another whinging single man on here but sod it, I’m going to have a rant.

I know you must all get absolutely inundated with messages but I’m only trying to engage in a bit of conversation.

Sorry for the outburst but I just needed to get that off my chest.

If you wouldnt approach them in everyday life, why do you approach them on here?

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
23 weeks ago

Tamworth

" Let's be honest if fab wasn't a thing majority of this women won't even get a head turn from a man. In Ireland, the ratio of men on fab is way more than there are women. Most women on there that I've been ignored by on here to be honest with our selves we don't even approach unless your a couple pints down "

You might want to seriously consider including that in your opening messages. It’s going to get you noticed.

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By *eandmrsjones69Couple
23 weeks ago

Middle England

"Some women on here can be rude. A simple thanks for messaging "Your not my type" Or "Not interested" will go a long way rather than them reading and ignoring. Some can be over doing it too thinking they better than you or think they 5*.

The issue of replying to messages has been covered so many times in the forum. It really doesn't solve anything and sometimes just leads to more abuse.

On your second point wasn't sure if you were just saying you're desperate...

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
23 weeks ago

Newcastle

An unsolicited message on Fab is the same as a cold call, spam email or junk flyer. Do you respond to all of those just to say you’re not interested? If we send a message to say ‘no thanks’ or ‘you’re not my type’, 99% of the time, a response comes back saying ‘but why not?’ ‘I bet I could change your mind’ ‘give me a chance’ or worse, you get sent a load of abuse ‘stuck up slag’ etc. Not to mention the fact that sending someone a one off message to say ‘no thanks’ fucks up your filters if you block single men in future. Any men you’ve messaged before will still be able to get through, until they’re individually blocked. No reply is a reply. Read the site FAQ’s. It’s not rude to ignore an unwanted message.

And if you think the ‘majority of women’ on Fab wouldn’t get a head turn or you wouldn’t approach them in real life, why are you approaching them here? That says more about your desperation than anything else.

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By *andPextraCouple
23 weeks ago

North West

Definately agree with the entire first paragraph of the above post; mirrors our experience exactly.

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By *oewes69Man
23 weeks ago

wakefield

Actually couldnt agree more with this statement. This is the answer you need. Top marks on that response

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By *yesgreenMan
23 weeks ago

north and south

Actually couldnt agree more with this statement. This is the answer you need. Top marks on that response

"
I sometimes get over 40 messages a year , so unlike ladies I have more time to respond, but if the ladies don’t fancy us then they don’t answer or do they need to or as they have said , box’s are full and we are not filing them lol

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By *londebiguyMan
23 weeks ago

Southport

Actually couldnt agree more with this statement. This is the answer you need. Top marks on that response

I'm never , ever that desperate.

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By *oleene HoneybeeWoman
23 weeks ago

on the naughty side of the street

You might want to seriously consider including that in your opening messages. It’s going to get you noticed. "

Yes 100% agree...

What a charmer

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By *oleene HoneybeeWoman
23 weeks ago

on the naughty side of the street

"Look I tried, I really tried. I really didn’t want to be another whinging single man on here but sod it, I’m going to have a rant.

I know you must all get absolutely inundated with messages but I’m only trying to engage in a bit of conversation.

Sorry for the outburst but I just needed to get that off my chest.

Awww are you OK. bless.

Who bruised your little clover, I wonder?

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By *assageVirtuosoMan
23 weeks ago

SouthEast

No one owes any answer and justification on this site. It's pointless to argue to the contrary. Just as anyone can send messages to whoever they wish (if no filters), the same way people can decide to do whatever they wish with the messages : read, not read, delete, block. Or even reply rudely , though this doesn't speak well of them.

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By *BsomersetMan
23 weeks ago

Highbridge

I kinda get where your coming from mate, don't mind if you read then delete... Clearly I'm not your type but some woman/couples here are just plain disgusting. Had one reply basically saying 'are you joking? Who would want you' after being polite and reading their profile to write them a message tailored to them.

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By *melia DominaTV/TS
23 weeks ago

Edinburgh (She/Her)

"You’ve only been here for two weeks. Give it more time. "

Yeah give it more time to mellow the jaded nature of messaging peeps on here

Best advice I can give. Its a resource. Use it for finding out about events and socials. Network be seen. Go from there...

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By *andPextraCouple
23 weeks ago

North West

Its the perils of the internet.

Rude behaviour exists in every cohort on here; its the one thing the categories of men, women, couples and trans have in common on here

Obviously rude is subjective; some may class not responding rude, others may not.

The only thing people can control on here is there own behaviour and hope it influences others.

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By *electableicecreamMan
23 weeks ago

The West

[Removed by poster at 20/06/24 15:13:40]

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By *electableicecreamMan
23 weeks ago

The West

If your butthurt because you can't make fab work there's really no one to blame.

Fab, like it or not, has a few perquisites in order to make it work towards your own goals.

The main one being that if you don't understand how the site actually works then it's never going to work for you.

The operative word here is work. That's just what it takes on fab. Time and effort invested using the tools and resources that fab makes available.

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By *lueDressWoman
23 weeks ago

Bath

There is rude, and there is rude...

But when somebody tells you to hurt yourself, in an open room 179 people full and no one says a dicky bird...well.

Ask yourself all those people, are they actually worth meeting

And then somebody pops up their telephone number and gets banned !!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

No not been through the whole thread so apologies if the below has been mentioned

Of course , as a single male I get messages either never read or left as read … as reply is always lovely but if it’s a no thanks , that is perfectly fine . I would then delete the profile of the person / people I had messaged to avoid me sending a second message … I know we get warnings but if I’ve e mailed four months before I may send another quick hello

I also prefer to seee my message has been deleted , then I can do as above and delete the profile . This also stops them showing up on my search lists

One last point OP.. and I know some are reticent on this …. But try a local club .. people are friendly and welcoming most of the time and you could even have a proper discussion with people in there for pointers…. And of course , if you get lucky and get to play that is a bonus x

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By *hino96Man
23 weeks ago

Birmingham

Im lucky to get 40 views on my profile a year, let alone message's!

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By *aps23Couple
23 weeks ago

wisbech

As a couple we get a lot of messages from single guys. We try to respond to as many as we can,even if its a thanks but no thanks. Trouble is some messages are so uninspiring.

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By *neforutoMan
23 weeks ago

Fantasy land in the SW

The first thing I learnt here was to grow thick skin. Ive found that in the main most replies (few and far between) are generally polite although there has been the one or two that have been abrupt and maybe could have been kinder.

Ive realised that if I lower my expectations in making connections through the site, rather than attending clubs and socials, then all is good. Have a groovy weekend OP

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

This is bang on the money...

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By *melia DominaTV/TS
23 weeks ago

Edinburgh (She/Her)

"Look I tried, I really tried. I really didn’t want to be another whinging single man on here but sod it, I’m going to have a rant.

I know you must all get absolutely inundated with messages but I’m only trying to engage in a bit of conversation.

Sorry for the outburst but I just needed to get that off my chest."

Best advice I can give to any male.

Good profile, full text, nice images. Keep the cock shots to when someone asks to see it.

Attend events, socials and clubs. Network amongst the local swinging community.

Participate in the forums and chat rooms. Network amongst the online community.

Get known. Get verified. Make connections. Get a good reputation for being clean and respectful.

Then you have a good grounding and can message and chat to individuals.

You also understand the process and are not jaded from the off.

Maybe restart the strategy.

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By *etropolitainMan
23 weeks ago

Redworth Co Durham

And don’t get annoyed if the person you messaged don’t message back and my experience in the past now 50-50 look at your profile so just don’t let it put you off if people are rude some people believe it or not just go through life being rude and don’t even realise it Just give a chance give it awhile and you will soon get to know honest reliable non-creepy people are

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
23 weeks ago

chichester

"Look I tried, I really tried. I really didn’t want to be another whinging single man on here but sod it, I’m going to have a rant.

I know you must all get absolutely inundated with messages but I’m only trying to engage in a bit of conversation.

Sorry for the outburst but I just needed to get that off my chest."

The site has a huge chunk of wankers but don’t sweat it. Just block / ignore and move on

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