FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swinging Support and Advice

Performance anxiety

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We’ve experienced the same ina couple of occasions and unfortunately Dora tends to blame herself.

We’re the same make lots of effort to chill relax, have a drink etc but once that worm gets inside the head it’s a downward spiral for some guys.

Wonder if the blue pill helps with anxiety as well?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I've had experience of this too and I'm not even in a couple. I think people just put way too much pressure on themselves.

I do it to myself sometimes aswell and it doesn't matter how much I might be attracted to the person/persons I can find that I can't relax enough to orgasm. Obviously I don't have performance anxiety in the same way a man will but I can have issues especially when it's a couple.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *laytime78Man
over a year ago

Oldham

As a chap who has experienced this i can say it's a situtation that really does spiral out of your control and is no reflection on the person/people you're meeting (although i can see very essiliy, why you would think it is)

Being made comfortable and realising there's no pressure makes a huge difference, so hats off to you all for the ways in which you try to be supportive... not everyone handles it so respectfully!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We’ve experienced the same ina couple of occasions and unfortunately Dora tends to blame herself.

We’re the same make lots of effort to chill relax, have a drink etc but once that worm gets inside the head it’s a downward spiral for some guys.

Wonder if the blue pill helps with anxiety as well? "

We've found that even the blue pill doesn't always help. That spiral can still impact on them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"As a chap who has experienced this i can say it's a situtation that really does spiral out of your control and is no reflection on the person/people you're meeting (although i can see very essiliy, why you would think it is)

Being made comfortable and realising there's no pressure makes a huge difference, so hats off to you all for the ways in which you try to be supportive... not everyone handles it so respectfully!"

Ah thanks. It's understandable that the guys feel pressure and despite trying our hardest to reduce it, it comes from themselves. It's a difficult situation as once it starts it's hard to get out of.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *r_YouTubeMan
over a year ago

Colchester

Practice makea perfect.

Viagra can be a good help, but more a bandaid than a cure to performance issues lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ev_1Couple
over a year ago

Bickliegh

Alot of men over think things

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Funny thing is in a club we aren't looking for a stud to fuck Penny every which way until she's red raw, we want them to cum and quick is good, whether it be by hand, mouth or pussy Penny gets off by giving pleasure and will cum multiple times during the night regardless.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have been swinging on and off for nearly 20 years and have experience of this, guys not being able to get erect, hotwife is quite comfortable and supportive over these problems,

I myself do not play with many couples anymore as I get myself in that much of a state that performance issues just ruin the meet for me, yet as soon as it is hotwife that is playing with me I get a cock as hard as a scaffold pole!!! So frustrating!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *omoxfordMan
over a year ago

leeds

Everybody gets nervous

It's all about the build up

Maybe give him a massage an kiss his neck first rather than expect them to whip it out instantly ready

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *edi123Couple
over a year ago

aberystwyth


"We’ve experienced the same ina couple of occasions and unfortunately Dora tends to blame herself.

We’re the same make lots of effort to chill relax, have a drink etc but once that worm gets inside the head it’s a downward spiral for some guys.

Wonder if the blue pill helps with anxiety as well?

We've found that even the blue pill doesn't always help. That spiral can still impact on them. "

I’ve had this problem but working on my anxiety has helped a lot, I now realise I’m not alone and that it’s not the end of play and make up for it with bloody good foreplay

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We’ve experienced the same ina couple of occasions and unfortunately Dora tends to blame herself.

We’re the same make lots of effort to chill relax, have a drink etc but once that worm gets inside the head it’s a downward spiral for some guys.

Wonder if the blue pill helps with anxiety as well?

We've found that even the blue pill doesn't always help. That spiral can still impact on them.

I’ve had this problem but working on my anxiety has helped a lot, I now realise I’m not alone and that it’s not the end of play and make up for it with bloody good foreplay"

Definitely. Penetration is just one part of it. There's so much you can do with your fingers and tongue.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The blue pill wont help as that only works when your turned on and anxiety often replaces that feeling.

Its not surprising that many men feel under pressure to perform though and it has bothing to do with the prople they are meeting and more to the fact they actually have a meet.

Men often struggle to even get replied let alone an actual meet so when we do we want to make it the best for the people we are meeting as we can.

This is step one if the pressure

Step 2 is cames down to how am i going to compare to their other meets. Will i br good enough to be invited back or at least get a good veri?

Step 3 is at the meet, overcomjng initual nerves

Step 4 during the act if you feel your losing the errection or you think they are not enjoying it the downward spiral begins and once thats in your head its nearly always a lost cause.

Not a single one of these steps is dependant on the person they are meeting and theres little they can do to affect the outcome except maybe enjoy oral/fingers/kissing/body contact and all the other things that go jnto good sex except the penetration and invite them back for another session.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *laytime78Man
over a year ago

Oldham


"The blue pill wont help as that only works when your turned on and anxiety often replaces that feeling.

Its not surprising that many men feel under pressure to perform though and it has bothing to do with the prople they are meeting and more to the fact they actually have a meet.

Men often struggle to even get replied let alone an actual meet so when we do we want to make it the best for the people we are meeting as we can.

This is step one if the pressure

Step 2 is cames down to how am i going to compare to their other meets. Will i br good enough to be invited back or at least get a good veri?

Step 3 is at the meet, overcomjng initual nerves

Step 4 during the act if you feel your losing the errection or you think they are not enjoying it the downward spiral begins and once thats in your head its nearly always a lost cause.

Not a single one of these steps is dependant on the person they are meeting and theres little they can do to affect the outcome except maybe enjoy oral/fingers/kissing/body contact and all the other things that go jnto good sex except the penetration and invite them back for another session."

Nicely articulated Sir

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The blue pill wont help as that only works when your turned on and anxiety often replaces that feeling.

Its not surprising that many men feel under pressure to perform though and it has bothing to do with the prople they are meeting and more to the fact they actually have a meet.

Men often struggle to even get replied let alone an actual meet so when we do we want to make it the best for the people we are meeting as we can.

This is step one if the pressure

Step 2 is cames down to how am i going to compare to their other meets. Will i br good enough to be invited back or at least get a good veri?

Step 3 is at the meet, overcomjng initual nerves

Step 4 during the act if you feel your losing the errection or you think they are not enjoying it the downward spiral begins and once thats in your head its nearly always a lost cause.

Not a single one of these steps is dependant on the person they are meeting and theres little they can do to affect the outcome except maybe enjoy oral/fingers/kissing/body contact and all the other things that go jnto good sex except the penetration and invite them back for another session."

Totally agree with all this. I think despite our best efforts, there is little we can do to remove the pressure.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aughty but nice...Man
over a year ago

Staffs

In the early days I used to have this problem,but simply time and experience has made me very relaxed now when meeting people.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London


"We’ve experienced the same ina couple of occasions and unfortunately Dora tends to blame herself.

We’re the same make lots of effort to chill relax, have a drink etc but once that worm gets inside the head it’s a downward spiral for some guys.

Wonder if the blue pill helps with anxiety as well?

We've found that even the blue pill doesn't always help. That spiral can still impact on them.

I’ve had this problem but working on my anxiety has helped a lot, I now realise I’m not alone and that it’s not the end of play and make up for it with bloody good foreplay

Definitely. Penetration is just one part of it. There's so much you can do with your fingers and tongue. "

Fingers and tongue are what I'm known for. They never let me down, unlike other parts.

Don't forget kissing

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In the early days I used to have this problem,but simply time and experience has made me very relaxed now when meeting people."

I'd agree with this. I have found it gets easier as you become more accepting of the people you are having sex with. Foreplay is vitality important (as women have been telling us men for hundreds, if not thousands of years LOL).

I have used the little blue pill for reassurance and whilst not hard like a scaffold pole (as it was in my youth) its hard enough for meaningful penetration and outcome.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good post and yeah it's easy to talk a good game to then find that reality feels high pressured. Think as you say relax and set out that expectations of how things will really go are lower than the chats/texts went and that if things go well later meets can get kinkier.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *_the_impalerMan
over a year ago

canterbury

Its certainly mental

I would even go as far as getting some of the herbal Viagra (rubbish I am sure) and let them take one if they are struggling go for a drink and the placebo effect alone will make the difference

I have found that getting to know the people in advance helps as when you physically meet them you feel they aren't strangers or of course have a social first

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ost SockMan
over a year ago

West Wales and Cardiff

I’ll be honest and say I can struggle with it.

I’m always excited and nervous travelling to a meet, but once you think “Hope I’ll be ok getting hard” you’re in trouble and it’s a difficult spiral to get out of.

What I can say though, is that the couples I’ve met have been totally awesome and understanding. Taking time and feeling at ease helps hugely and it’s definitely not the “be all and end all”

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

The struggle is real especially as men get older although relative youngsters in a new environment.

Have had it occasionally if feel in an uncomfortable situation or generally stressed with other things in life. It's a hard one so to speak but avoid all alcohol for one.

Wearing couples hat veris are king for single men and couples. Want to be with people who are clearly experienced in that environment and have satisfied the lady. Also couples profiles all about the ladies and going on about hotwife a lot (especially over 50s) are a red flag that the man may struggle. Not always of course but it's an indication.

The other problem of course is men that get hard but cum really quickly, including from oral before going any further. Noticed this a lot with people not so experienced as the whole situation can be overwhelming.

Saying all that as a couple had a wonderful time with men who don't get hard at all and bring other skills and talents.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

"

I’m not suprised they feel under pressure, having seen what you’ve written on your profile

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ootnootboopCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire


"Yes I've had experience of this too and I'm not even in a couple. I think people just put way too much pressure on themselves.

I do it to myself sometimes aswell and it doesn't matter how much I might be attracted to the person/persons I can find that I can't relax enough to orgasm. Obviously I don't have performance anxiety in the same way a man will but I can have issues especially when it's a couple. "

You are completely correct there! People put way to much pressure on themselves nowadays.

There's this incessant need to put in a groundbreaking sexual performance. All that expectation can really play havoc with your bits down below.

We are of the opinion that no expectations should be held, just come and do what feels natural. If it works, great, if it doesn't, hey that's life....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *anted by NightMan
over a year ago

Shangri-La

Some people may have anxiety about sex because they have unrealistic expectations but sex is deeper than few inches of penetration. It’s a mental thing. Make the the mind loose it and body will follow. X

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hogun300Man
over a year ago

Dundee

It happens, and it can happen no matter how turned on we are or want to do something. I can overthink things and that doesn't help. Negative thoughts doubt/worry are a big factor and when start to get frustrated then it's often game over. It's also easy to forget that penetration isn't the only thing that matters. We can be our own worst enemy at times. It's a mental thing.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lice AgainTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

I've had a number of meets where the guy has obviously cum recently before I arrived. And then fails to perform.

I mean... how is this going to help?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *urious_couple_ukCouple
over a year ago

South Cambs

It’s happened a few times to guys I’ve been with, and I’ve learned it’s purely psychological and (hopefully) very little to do with me. Once it’s happened once and that seed of doubt it’s planted, then it seems almost inevitable it will happen again. Sometimes they are so embarrassed It’s a write off but often carrying on with foreplay and other fun stuff is enough, or can bring the little guy back to life. I’ve even had hubby leave the room fora bit to help and that sometimes works. By the time he comes back in the guy is too into it to care!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

I’m not suprised they feel under pressure, having seen what you’ve written on your profile

"

And what is it on our profile that puts them under pressure?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

I’m not suprised they feel under pressure, having seen what you’ve written on your profile

And what is it on our profile that puts them under pressure? "

We can’t see why your profile would make men anxious???

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *laytime78Man
over a year ago

Oldham


"I've had a number of meets where the guy has obviously cum recently before I arrived. And then fails to perform.

I mean... how is this going to help?

"

Sounds like the old theory of never going out with a loaded gun!

I guy needs to understand his own recovery times for this to be effective though

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rMs.NeekCouple
over a year ago

Worcestershire

Years ago, iny single days, I hosted a party at my place. It was for a couple and several other guys plus myself (so one woman and about 8 guys in total)

Waiting for the couple to arrive I'd got about 5 guys I'd never met before in my lounge, and one of them suddenly announced that he couldn't go through with it after all, thanked me for hosting but took his leave

I assume that reality hit for him a bit too much, poor chap

Mind you, I ended up not taking part either, as I think I'd gone past the idea when they finally turned up, about 2.5 hours after the agreed meeting time, swigging from a full-sized bottle of vodka....

Mr

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aughtywifeandhimCouple
over a year ago

bedford

Nerves can affect anybody anytime , I husband got nervous at our first party meet , it happens to us all , since we have started using a club , more relaxed now at club and partys , the first woman we met at party , I was unable to get hard , but later in the night after watching wife letting herself go , I was constantly hard,have met many who it has happened to, a bit of reassurance helps them

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *anted by NightMan
over a year ago

Shangri-La


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

I’m not suprised they feel under pressure, having seen what you’ve written on your profile

And what is it on our profile that puts them under pressure? "

“Guys with Dick pics all over their profiles aren't interested in connections but instead are looking for turn up, fuck and go home. Not for us.”

Maybe Op meant this. Certainly not in my case, most of my meets are with regulars and friends I have made over the years. It’s the only pic on my profile and I’m comfortable with sharing in public gallery.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London


"It’s happened a few times to guys I’ve been with, and I’ve learned it’s purely psychological and (hopefully) very little to do with me. Once it’s happened once and that seed of doubt it’s planted, then it seems almost inevitable it will happen again. Sometimes they are so embarrassed It’s a write off but often carrying on with foreplay and other fun stuff is enough, or can bring the little guy back to life. I’ve even had hubby leave the room fora bit to help and that sometimes works. By the time he comes back in the guy is too into it to care! "

Sexless swingers talked about it in their latest podcast

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It’s happened a few times to guys I’ve been with, and I’ve learned it’s purely psychological and (hopefully) very little to do with me. Once it’s happened once and that seed of doubt it’s planted, then it seems almost inevitable it will happen again. Sometimes they are so embarrassed It’s a write off but often carrying on with foreplay and other fun stuff is enough, or can bring the little guy back to life. I’ve even had hubby leave the room fora bit to help and that sometimes works. By the time he comes back in the guy is too into it to care!

Sexless swingers talked about it in their latest podcast "

We've met the Sexless swingers, they're lovely.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

I’m not suprised they feel under pressure, having seen what you’ve written on your profile

And what is it on our profile that puts them under pressure?

“Guys with Dick pics all over their profiles aren't interested in connections but instead are looking for turn up, fuck and go home. Not for us.”

Maybe Op meant this. Certainly not in my case, most of my meets are with regulars and friends I have made over the years. It’s the only pic on my profile and I’m comfortable with sharing in public gallery. "

Not sure how our preference of who we interact with puts people under pressure. It's a side issue about dick pics on profiles that I fail to see any link to the original post.

If having a pic of a dick on your profile works for you then great. Keep doing what works for you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow


"Years ago, iny single days, I hosted a party at my place. It was for a couple and several other guys plus myself (so one woman and about 8 guys in total)

Waiting for the couple to arrive I'd got about 5 guys I'd never met before in my lounge, and one of them suddenly announced that he couldn't go through with it after all, thanked me for hosting but took his leave

I assume that reality hit for him a bit too much, poor chap

Mind you, I ended up not taking part either, as I think I'd gone past the idea when they finally turned up, about 2.5 hours after the agreed meeting time, swigging from a full-sized bottle of vodka....

Mr"

Sort of similar experience. At the end of a pub social 8 of us ended up in hotel room. One man after chatting a lot for months left after half an hour basically saying wasn’t for him. This mind you was after him taking prime spot in the bed and three ladies doing their best to suck him and encourage him. He was sensually overwhelmed with the reality. As Mike Tyson says “everybody has a plan until they get hit in the face”

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

While it's obviously more noticeable in men, it's not just men who feel the pressure.

As a woman I also worry about everything from how I look, how I will feel to them, will they like how I taste , will they be turned on or just going with it because I'm slightly better than a wank, and of course how I compare to others .

In the past I've got so caught up in the spiral that I've talked myself out of meeting people .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *orl1971Couple
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

I’m not suprised they feel under pressure, having seen what you’ve written on your profile

And what is it on our profile that puts them under pressure?

We can’t see why your profile would make men anxious???"

We agree. Can’t see anything on your profile that would put guys under pressure.

There are always alternative views on the forums. If you say someone punched you in the face then another person will say are you sure you didn’t headbutt their fist ?

I wouldn’t worry about it OP. Your profile looks fine.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nasuitMan
over a year ago

Ruislip

I never know what my penis is going to do from one situation to the next!

Sometimes up and hard for ages, othertimes floppy with no chance of anything happening. It's like it has a mind of it's own!

A couple of things I have learnt though. As I get older it definitely does take longer to get an erection in the first place. I used to get rock hard just from someone kissing me but now I need longer foreplay time to be in the mood.

Also as mentioned on the thread it's all about your state of mind, if you have anxiety about the meet or especially about previous failures (its a vicious circle) then not even the blue pill is going to help.

I'm finding that mindfulness and relaxation techniques help a bit, by forcing me not to catastrophise about what might happen.

My advice is just put your head or your fingers between her legs and carry on until you are in the moment. Sometimes I've still ended up with a floppy cock, but I have also had a near drowning experience

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do t get lucky enough to get a meet

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rMs.NeekCouple
over a year ago

Worcestershire


"While it's obviously more noticeable in men, it's not just men who feel the pressure.

As a woman I also worry about everything from how I look, how I will feel to them, will they like how I taste , will they be turned on or just going with it because I'm slightly better than a wank, and of course how I compare to others .

In the past I've got so caught up in the spiral that I've talked myself out of meeting people . "

Absolutely. As a woman it is less obvious. But there's always the worry. Will he think I'm too loose or too tight. Will he like how I taste (which can obviously vary). If I suck him will he like it. Still a worry and made worse by anxiety

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *haron StonerTV/TS
over a year ago

Haywards Heath

Smooth bum n stockings relieve anxiety. They get rock hard also giving me a suck works, I don't why but cock sucking is so horny for both guys.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ancelot1633Man
over a year ago

weybridge

I doubt these things are anything to do with you and in fact all start and grow in the heads of the guys concerned. Ive certainly not been imune to it in situations where I put pressure on myself.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It happens

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

"

We have been in this situation to, and also in a mmf meet the female can also have this issue and feel to much pressure being g the only female..this is also something I have experienced in our mmf meets.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think we can all get this from time to time unless you are super confident.both male and females can get anxious and nervous especially meeting with someone new.i find sometimes at clubs or saunas I get like this if there are a lot of people there.prefer quieter places where I can relax more.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

"
you both seem like a lovely understanding couple and I'm sure a lot of these guys appreciate your understanding.i once turned up for a meet with a sexy tv and she looked gorgeous,but she just expected me to fuck her there and then.no foreplay or anything and because I wasn't instantly hard she told me to leave.this can knock someone's confidence but with more people like you who are willing to take your time,chat and relax with them and make them less nervous,then it gives us all more confidence and feeling like we don't have to perform like a porn star.??

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *m3232Man
over a year ago

maidenhead

Never had a problem as very comfortable when it comes to sex.

You may want to look at either the type of message you prefer and what you are looking for may attract the guys that have anxiety. Or how you act towards them when they turn up brings out the nerves in them.

Very difficult one to advise without prev meeting you and know how you interact with people.

Not pointing fingers just advice on where possible problem areas come from.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *antra MassageMan
over a year ago

South Side.

Its not unusual for men to be nervous when meeting a single or a couple. Arousal starts in the brain, and if the man is in fight or flight mode, arousal wont happen. Also, he may not fund the woman attractive to him, or he may feel she doesnt find him attractive either.

Just like woman, men dont become aroused at the drop of a hat. Thats a porn scenario, not real life.

Seduce him, slowly, it will work much better for everyone.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central


"The blue pill wont help as that only works when your turned on and anxiety often replaces that feeling.

Its not surprising that many men feel under pressure to perform though and it has bothing to do with the prople they are meeting and more to the fact they actually have a meet.

Men often struggle to even get replied let alone an actual meet so when we do we want to make it the best for the people we are meeting as we can.

This is step one if the pressure

Step 2 is cames down to how am i going to compare to their other meets. Will i br good enough to be invited back or at least get a good veri?

Step 3 is at the meet, overcomjng initual nerves

Step 4 during the act if you feel your losing the errection or you think they are not enjoying it the downward spiral begins and once thats in your head its nearly always a lost cause.

Not a single one of these steps is dependant on the person they are meeting and theres little they can do to affect the outcome except maybe enjoy oral/fingers/kissing/body contact and all the other things that go jnto good sex except the penetration and invite them back for another session."

Good points! I think the blie pill and similar, could add extra stress to a guy, as he may have additional expectations that are unrealistic and then blaming himself even more.

I enjoy my time with guys, it's not just about the sex. But some men can feel that they must be like performing monkeys, rather than just being the interesting person that they are. I enjoy the closeness, touch and their company. Any sexual acts are a bonus.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its not unusual for men to be nervous when meeting a single or a couple. Arousal starts in the brain, and if the man is in fight or flight mode, arousal wont happen. Also, he may not fund the woman attractive to him, or he may feel she doesnt find him attractive either.

Just like woman, men dont become aroused at the drop of a hat. Thats a porn scenario, not real life.

Seduce him, slowly, it will work much better for everyone. "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The blue pill wont help as that only works when your turned on and anxiety often replaces that feeling.

Its not surprising that many men feel under pressure to perform though and it has bothing to do with the prople they are meeting and more to the fact they actually have a meet.

Men often struggle to even get replied let alone an actual meet so when we do we want to make it the best for the people we are meeting as we can.

This is step one if the pressure

Step 2 is cames down to how am i going to compare to their other meets. Will i br good enough to be invited back or at least get a good veri?

Step 3 is at the meet, overcomjng initual nerves

Step 4 during the act if you feel your losing the errection or you think they are not enjoying it the downward spiral begins and once thats in your head its nearly always a lost cause.

Not a single one of these steps is dependant on the person they are meeting and theres little they can do to affect the outcome except maybe enjoy oral/fingers/kissing/body contact and all the other things that go jnto good sex except the penetration and invite them back for another session.

Good points! I think the blie pill and similar, could add extra stress to a guy, as he may have additional expectations that are unrealistic and then blaming himself even more.

I enjoy my time with guys, it's not just about the sex. But some men can feel that they must be like performing monkeys, rather than just being the interesting person that they are. I enjoy the closeness, touch and their company. Any sexual acts are a bonus. "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now this isn’t a brag but a life long issue. There was a time penetration wasn’t possible for me (was diagnosed vaginismus) through time I’ve had to learn to relax and each meet requires a meditation style few seconds in my head. No one notices. However I am still very tight as I’m often told and men get pleasure at how I can control my muscles. I need my partner to be hard though, very hard to get it in. I’ve had the odd one struggle as they weren’t fully there. I don’t criticise though as I’ve been through it. I may it enjoyable in other ways to get them ready

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve had it before, I think we put so much pressure on ourselves that it affects our performance. And once you get your head in that zone it’s really difficult to snap out of it.

I’ve found just taking it slow and not drinking alcohol helps

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ressed4fun03TV/TS
over a year ago

Midlands

I have the opposite problem, I cum really quickly, sometimes the moment my cock goes inside a pussy, so becomimg a sissy and using my mouth to satisfy seemed like the natural thing to do.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hogun300Man
over a year ago

Dundee


"I have the opposite problem, I cum really quickly, sometimes the moment my cock goes inside a pussy, so becomimg a sissy and using my mouth to satisfy seemed like the natural thing to do."

Making your weakness your strength

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hyguy1966Man
over a year ago

Monifieth

I think this is a very common issue more noticeable amongst men. I think most are at a different stage of life and relationships by the time we access these types of sites.

I used to take half a Wolfberry capsule (100pcherbal) and whether I was interested or not I would gain an erection. Viagra you still need to be turned on but are a great boost to confidence.

I have unfortunately been unable to obtain wolfberry for some time. They were a real game changer for me. Perhaps someone knows of an alternative herbal aid

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

"

To be fair all ladies need to do in reality is get wet to enable guys to penetrate. Guys have far more pressure as they need to get and stay hard from foreplay to fucking and carry on staying hard the whole time. Every guy has struggled or lost the hard during sex. The pressure to perform is more on the man than the lady. John

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *r-8-BBCMan
over a year ago

LONDON


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

"

Never happened to me, quite the opposite.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

Never happened to me, quite the opposite. "

Give it time.it will come to all guys as they age.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes we have found that guys can not get it up in the club that not what J looking for want s a hard cock

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *r-8-BBCMan
over a year ago

LONDON


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

Never happened to me, quite the opposite.

Give it time.it will come to all guys as they age."

Give it time, I'd rather not thank you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *360Man
over a year ago

Nottingham

It’s something that stresses me out no end about meets it’s a pity really but true

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *herryEatersCouple
over a year ago

East Cheshire


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

"

Some guys like a slower approach, get to know the others first and slowly develop play over several meets (it usually gets better !). Bright lights can be a huge put off as can 'hubby' constantly in your face with a video camera. We've also been in situations where it was very uncomfortable, naff settee or marble floor with just a blanket thrown over . Cherry was once expected to perform precariously perched on a bar stool !. Also some love the risk of being caught where others cannot perform in that situ...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ryton 123TV/TS
over a year ago

Chatham

Met one man who took my knickers off started to suck me and he shot his load before I could play with his cock.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I genuinely didn’t realise this was an issue as I don’t suffer from it. That said I do remember being more than slightly nervous on my first meets and I wonder if people end up overthinking things?

Real life is not porn - in my experience there is no expectation for _anyone_ to “perform” on a meet and that knowledge, for me, makes it much easier to relax and just have fun.

I do sympathise with those who suffer from this though.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I ever get the opportunity to be intimate with a woman again I’m positive this will be an issue!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

Never happened to me, quite the opposite.

Give it time.it will come to all guys as they age.

Give it time, I'd rather not thank you "

Tick tock tick tock.....suspect it is likely at some point as heard into 50's.... Can't be helped especially if more than one lady around in little group at party/club if you ever do such things. It may not be performance anxiety as such, more like tiredness, but there can be pressure and the more pressure the harder it becomes so to speak.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

On the plus side I know somebody who can't get an erection ever due to medical issues but is absolutely amazing at oral and various BDSM related things using lots of toys and equipment and he is very popular at parties. Get's more fun than most

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *exy Black JenWoman
over a year ago

London/Eastbourne weekends


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

Never happened to me, quite the opposite.

Give it time.it will come to all guys as they age.

Give it time, I'd rather not thank you

Tick tock tick tock.....suspect it is likely at some point as heard into 50's.... Can't be helped especially if more than one lady around in little group at party/club if you ever do such things. It may not be performance anxiety as such, more like tiredness, but there can be pressure and the more pressure the harder it becomes so to speak. "

I thought it was me!. I've experienced this also. I don't think it has anything to do with age, but as sais already the fantasy.....then the reality......pity....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

Never happened to me, quite the opposite.

Give it time.it will come to all guys as they age.

Give it time, I'd rather not thank you

Tick tock tick tock.....suspect it is likely at some point as heard into 50's.... Can't be helped especially if more than one lady around in little group at party/club if you ever do such things. It may not be performance anxiety as such, more like tiredness, but there can be pressure and the more pressure the harder it becomes so to speak.

I thought it was me!. I've experienced this also. I don't think it has anything to do with age, but as sais already the fantasy.....then the reality......pity...."

Well definitely there is the fantasy vs reality thing especially for inexperienced doing things for the first time with others around. But yep definitely age kicks in later too. I know lots of men/couples in 50's and it's pretty common at some point, hopefully not too often,. People just learn to accept it and manage it. And some ladies make the situation worse and some make it better - and I don't meet by looks.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *actilenorfolkgentMan
over a year ago

Norwich

I can get hard but anxiety and excitement makes me cum, however I can go again successfully after an hour with a little play

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich


"

I have unfortunately been unable to obtain wolfberry for some time. They were a real game changer for me. Perhaps someone knows of an alternative herbal aid "

He berries the self are available on Amazon if that's any good

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

"

We have also had this experience, however I think in our situation the guy said he was bi and clearly wasn't at all and therfore couldn't stay hard if bearly at all.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aughtycp1Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

We've discovered a brand new product available from boots, called Exeron. It's a stim gel, you just rub it on the tip of the Penis. Lasts about 15 mins. It feels cold then warm. It stimulates the head of the Penistone and makes it hard. Highly recommended for nerves and anxiety x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich


"We've discovered a brand new product available from boots, called Exeron. It's a stim gel, you just rub it on the tip of the Penis. Lasts about 15 mins. It feels cold then warm. It stimulates the head of the Penistone and makes it hard. Highly recommended for nerves and anxiety x"

I make something from bee propolis that has that effect.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hastityPleasureGiverMan
over a year ago

Rotherham

Always nervous when meeting new people , but in my position the lack of an errecrion isn't an issue

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Despite the frequent claims of sexual prowess on Fab, we've found performance anxiety to be a huge problem for guys.

The majority of guys we meet struggle to maintain an erection.

One guy cancelled while driving to us because anxiety got the better of him. Other last minute cancellations seem to be due to the same issue.

We had a guy last week who was unable to get hard at all.

To combat this we're very warm and welcoming to the guys that join us. We try and reassure them and tell them it's fine if they are struggling. We like connecting with people and enjoy chatting to the guys that we met meet even if they can't perform. We have even invited some of them back in the hope that they can relax and just enjoy themselves.

It's a shame that the guys feel under such pressure. I think there's a lot of guys who fantasise about meeting a couple but when the reality of the actual meet kicks in and having to perform in front of a woman and his partner the nerves can get the better of them.

"

weve had this a few times although the usual excuse is that they havent used condoms in ages as if you'll let them go bare.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top