FabSwingers.com forum: ND WONKY CREW - Continuing conversations

By *izzyRascal OP Woman
over a year ago

North Hants

Do any of my ND crew struggle to remember to ask how someone is doing if it's been a couple of days/weeks since you talked to them?

To me Im just continuing the conversation we had. I think it's because I have a crap awareness of time going by and it feels like yesterday. But people have got so annoyed with me in the past and said I'm rude for not asking. Now I always feel I have to apologise if I jumped straight into it.

I mean it's not that I don't care how they are, but it's just not what's on my mind at that moment. Plus so often people don't actually admit the truth, so what's the actually point?

"You ok?" "Yeah, I'm ok. You?" "Yeah all good"

Why is that so important to remember?

The other side of it too, is sometimes when people ask me how I am and I respond truthfully, they think it's too much info or something lol.

With how often people expect instant messages on Fab, this all just adds to my overwhelm and why I have to be strict with managing my inbox.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

Ok, I'm going to have to start a new thread about time, because I'm sure it's at the root of many of my idiosyncrasies.

As for your question, I think I probably over check if anything. I'm not sure why, as it's not an anxiety thing.

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By *arkandlovelyWoman
over a year ago

South Derbyshire

Yes. Most people seem to treat it as a meaningless question and give it a meaningless answer. It feels disingenuous. If I know someone is going through a rough time I do try to check in with them, but if it's just part of the performative office or social bullshit, it doesn't occur to me.

Ffs and now I've totally forgot the second point I wanted to make.

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By *arkandlovelyWoman
over a year ago

South Derbyshire

Oh and it's back. I think lots of us wonkies tend to think very self-referentially, which a lot of people interpret as selfishness or self-absorbedness. But it isn't.

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By *izzyRascal OP Woman
over a year ago

North Hants

"Ffs and now I've totally forgot the second point I wanted to make."

Looool this is me ALL THE TIME!

"Wait what was I saying?"

So bad when having a verbal conversation

At least online we can just come back later lol.

But with your second point, I definitely worry sometimes that I'm too "self absorbed". I care for others and would say I can be very self-less rather than selfish. Tend to put others needs ahead of my own and very empathetic. But still, so often in my own little world that I forget about others easily.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

""Wait what was I saying?"

So bad when having a verbal conversation

At least online we can just come back later lol."

For me, I think the issue is that I am possibly thinking of 6 things I want to say next. And then when it comes to it, they all clear off!

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

I never ask "how are you as away to say hello" as the answer is always fine. I hate this illogical qusestioning.

I f I want to really know, i will ask "How's the patient today" or "How's life been treating you lately", as it demands a longer and honest answer: even a "don't ask!" speaks volumes.

That's how I work.

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

""Wait what was I saying?"

So bad when having a verbal conversation

At least online we can just come back later lol.

For me, I think the issue is that I am possibly thinking of 6 things I want to say next. And then when it comes to it, they all clear off! "

Yes I do this all the time it's draining!

I really dint understand conversation or how it works. Bevause apparently somethings are said our of politeness and others bevause uiu should respond abd how the fuck do yiu work that out?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Wait what was I saying?"

So bad when having a verbal conversation

At least online we can just come back later lol.

For me, I think the issue is that I am possibly thinking of 6 things I want to say next. And then when it comes to it, they all clear off!

Yes I do this all the time it's draining!

I really dint understand conversation or how it works. Bevause apparently somethings are said our of politeness and others bevause uiu should respond abd how the fuck do yiu work that out?"

Amen brother

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I really dint understand conversation or how it works. Bevause apparently somethings are said our of politeness and others bevause uiu should respond abd how the fuck do yiu work that out?

Amen brother "

Okay, I wasn't ever going to post here, as I'm always uncomfortable talking about my stuff... hate it, in fact,

... but I'm often getting in trouble for the above. Especially if people ask a question that they don't really want the answer to.

I'm getting better with age at spotting this, but it's happened a few times just recently and people tend to go off at me about it. Usually water off a duck's back, but it does annoy me sometimes.

Jake

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s not that I forget to ask, but sometimes I actually forget to respond if I don’t reply right away.

I also get really frustrated having to wait for messages sometimes that I have to forget them or I’ll completely over think it and make my self very depressed.

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By *izzyRascal OP Woman
over a year ago

North Hants

" I'm getting better with age at spotting this, but it's happened a few times just recently and people tend to go off at me about it."

Definitely feel like this is something that becomes easier to fake as you get older. Doesn't make it any less confusing or frustrating though

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By *izzyRascal OP Woman
over a year ago

North Hants

"It’s not that I forget to ask, but sometimes I actually forget to respond if I don’t reply right away.

I also get really frustrated having to wait for messages sometimes that I have to forget them or I’ll completely over think it and make my self very depressed."

I have learned to not open a message if I don't have the time or focus to reply. Firstly having the notification is something visual as a reminder. But also I find people don't get as annoyed if they are left unread.

But on your other point. I'm quite lucky in that I often forget I've messaged someone so then I'm not waiting for a response

But sometimes, when I am very invested in someone, I definitely over think delays. Once again, all or nothing lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s not that I forget to ask, but sometimes I actually forget to respond if I don’t reply right away.

I also get really frustrated having to wait for messages sometimes that I have to forget them or I’ll completely over think it and make my self very depressed.

But on your other point. I'm quite lucky in that I often forget I've messaged someone so then I'm not waiting for a response

But sometimes, when I am very invested in someone, I definitely over think delays. Once again, all or nothing lol."

Exactly!!! It’s like… yeah!

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Getting a compliment is quite rare, so when I get them, I have to think about what to say next.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/11/22 20:55:41]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey lovely!

Things that have helped to take the pressure off, for me….

I’ve turned the blue ticks off a certain app and do not disturb my phone, all the time

I find the people in my life that understand the random texts, weeks apart, are also learning that they are ND….and I gravitate towards their friendship more, now. (Block & delete the idiots lol)

Small talk is pointless - get stuck in and don’t be ashamed xx

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Hey lovely!

Things that have helped to take the pressure off, for me….

I’ve turned the blue ticks off a certain app and do not disturb my phone, all the time

I find the people in my life that understand the random texts, weeks apart, are also learning that they are ND….and I gravitate towards their friendship more, now. (Block & delete the idiots lol)

Small talk is pointless - get stuck in and don’t be ashamed xx"

Hello Queenie, I don't a have a smart phone for that reason, as it's too draining, so I never joined the blue bird and thumbs up club. Too toxic.

I tend to get stuck in at my club, but FAB is so difficult, not for a lcak of trying, though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey lovely!

Things that have helped to take the pressure off, for me….

I’ve turned the blue ticks off a certain app and do not disturb my phone, all the time

I find the people in my life that understand the random texts, weeks apart, are also learning that they are ND….and I gravitate towards their friendship more, now. (Block & delete the idiots lol)

Small talk is pointless - get stuck in and don’t be ashamed xx

Hello Queenie, I don't a have a smart phone for that reason, as it's too draining, so I never joined the blue bird and thumbs up club. Too toxic.

I tend to get stuck in at my club, but FAB is so difficult, not for a lcak of trying, though.

You do what works for you

Some days I turn my phone off completely.

Other times, I’m on fab all night, doom scrolling!

Addictive, isn’t it?!

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Downtime is a lost art and FAB is a rabbit hole!

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