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"Is it because your looking for younger men? Just saying xxxx, hope you find a nice horny guy xx" Are you lost good sir? | |||
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"Thanks for the continuation didn't even see we had hit p5's limit haven't been on fab for few days. Was expecting a meet and hot ghosted out on ... which sucks ass , was actually really looking forward to letting go and endulging my meet been wanting to give a lot of pleasure and orgasms. Also had a date but I am conflicted, the lass is nice and has a great personality and think sexually we would get on great too , however she is a bigger lady than I would usually date/go for and there is a lack of physical attraction compared to previous relationships " Aw the ghosting sucks but it happens way too often unfortunately (at least for me) Well, we’re all entitled to have our taste in people, there has to be both mental and physical attraction for sure, but that’s as far as I’m going to comment because I’m a bigger lady myself and take a bit of offence every time someone mentions it as a reason not to like other people  | |||
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" Was expecting a meet and hot ghosted out on ... which sucks ass , was actually really looking forward to letting go and endulging my meet been wanting to give a lot of pleasure and orgasms. " This happens to me a lot. Chatting for a while, getting on great. Speak on phone Arrange a meet, then send a message before the meet to confirm. Then nothing... Happened twice last week. It does make you second guess yourself, and think was it something I did, or said?  | |||
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"Is it because your looking for younger men? Just saying xxxx, hope you find a nice horny guy xx Are you lost good sir?" Very lost  | |||
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" Was expecting a meet and hot ghosted out on ... which sucks ass , was actually really looking forward to letting go and endulging my meet been wanting to give a lot of pleasure and orgasms. This happens to me a lot. Chatting for a while, getting on great. Speak on phone Arrange a meet, then send a message before the meet to confirm. Then nothing... Happened twice last week. It does make you second guess yourself, and think was it something I did, or said? "I’ve had something similar happening to me this week, I keep overthinking everything I’ve said and done leading to that  | |||
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"Is it because your looking for younger men? Just saying xxxx, hope you find a nice horny guy xx Are you lost good sir?" Haha that's cus he missed out on your warnings haha | |||
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"Thanks for the continuation didn't even see we had hit p5's limit haven't been on fab for few days. Was expecting a meet and hot ghosted out on ... which sucks ass , was actually really looking forward to letting go and endulging my meet been wanting to give a lot of pleasure and orgasms. Also had a date but I am conflicted, the lass is nice and has a great personality and think sexually we would get on great too , however she is a bigger lady than I would usually date/go for and there is a lack of physical attraction compared to previous relationships Aw the ghosting sucks but it happens way too often unfortunately (at least for me) Well, we’re all entitled to have our taste in people, there has to be both mental and physical attraction for sure, but that’s as far as I’m going to comment because I’m a bigger lady myself and take a bit of offence every time someone mentions it as a reason not to like other people "I never mean it as an offensive thing, my preference physically has allways been as stated above but I'm also trying to go more with the flow this time round and seeing if I can build more off the mental connections. | |||
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" Was expecting a meet and hot ghosted out on ... which sucks ass , was actually really looking forward to letting go and endulging my meet been wanting to give a lot of pleasure and orgasms. This happens to me a lot. Chatting for a while, getting on great. Speak on phone Arrange a meet, then send a message before the meet to confirm. Then nothing... Happened twice last week. It does make you second guess yourself, and think was it something I did, or said? "Don't think it's anything I've even said ... we were all good last night and seemed to be going ahead I said I will drop a message in morning to confirm and that was that, dropped the message nothing since. It just fucks me off as you build yourself up and you go out of your way to make sure stuff is tidy that your as presentable as possible etc ... and you get excited to be doing something you enjoy and very much miss .. | |||
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"Is it because your looking for younger men? Just saying xxxx, hope you find a nice horny guy xx Are you lost good sir? Haha that's cus he missed out on your warnings haha " Woof woof  | |||
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" It just fucks me off as you build yourself up and you go out of your way to make sure stuff is tidy that your as presentable as possible etc ... and you get excited to be doing something you enjoy and very much miss .." Exactly this x The worst part is having that feeling of delightful anticipation taken away. After all the planning, deciding what to do, what to wear, then just an empty evening | |||
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" Exactly this x The worst part is having that feeling of delightful anticipation taken away. After all the planning, deciding what to do, what to wear, then just an empty evening " Anticipation is very much a lot of it , I have been getting soo "worked up and horny" lately with all the stuff we have been talking about, And its not like I'm just looking for something to please me , I very much want to focus on enjoying my partners body and giving her as much pleasure as I can | |||
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 Feel like these will be going for a very long time with a HUGE variety of subjects haha. | |||
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"Checking in Feel like these will be going for a very long time with a HUGE variety of subjects haha."Thank goodness for this outlet to be weird without judgement | |||
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"**bounces into the forum gleefully** Hullo everyone! "Hello *waves enthusiastically* | |||
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"It's worth mentioning as well that under the Equality Act 2010 you do not have to be officially diagnosed to be eligible for adjustments/support at work." The problem is that if you don't have an official diagnosis your employer only has to make adjustments if you can 'prove' the issues that you say you're facing. And they can go so far as requiring you to produce medical experts to back up your case. That might have changed, but it was certainly the case when I was supporting people as a trade union rep. | |||
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"It's worth mentioning as well that under the Equality Act 2010 you do not have to be officially diagnosed to be eligible for adjustments/support at work. The problem is that if you don't have an official diagnosis your employer only has to make adjustments if you can 'prove' the issues that you say you're facing. And they can go so far as requiring you to produce medical experts to back up your case. That might have changed, but it was certainly the case when I was supporting people as a trade union rep. " Mine just told me I claimed to have autism and implied it was a lie... They also quite seriously told me to stop thinking about it Like I say you couldn't make it up! Thankfully my new employers are the complete opposite and remind me repeatedly to tell them of they aren't doing enough. And take everything at face value if I say I've taken things too literally | |||
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"It's worth mentioning as well that under the Equality Act 2010 you do not have to be officially diagnosed to be eligible for adjustments/support at work. The problem is that if you don't have an official diagnosis your employer only has to make adjustments if you can 'prove' the issues that you say you're facing. And they can go so far as requiring you to produce medical experts to back up your case. That might have changed, but it was certainly the case when I was supporting people as a trade union rep. " My mum had great difficulty in getting her boss to take her needs seriously before getting her diagnosis. Because she could mask a lot of the time they assumed she was being g awkward on the days when she couldn't. There was a lot of 'well you were fine with this last week....". | |||
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"It's worth mentioning as well that under the Equality Act 2010 you do not have to be officially diagnosed to be eligible for adjustments/support at work. The problem is that if you don't have an official diagnosis your employer only has to make adjustments if you can 'prove' the issues that you say you're facing. And they can go so far as requiring you to produce medical experts to back up your case. That might have changed, but it was certainly the case when I was supporting people as a trade union rep. My mum had great difficulty in getting her boss to take her needs seriously before getting her diagnosis. Because she could mask a lot of the time they assumed she was being g awkward on the days when she couldn't. There was a lot of 'well you were fine with this last week...."." Oh yes I relate to this too! The fact how we cope varies based on other factors is sonething so many typicaks can't understand | |||
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"It's worth mentioning as well that under the Equality Act 2010 you do not have to be officially diagnosed to be eligible for adjustments/support at work. The problem is that if you don't have an official diagnosis your employer only has to make adjustments if you can 'prove' the issues that you say you're facing. And they can go so far as requiring you to produce medical experts to back up your case. That might have changed, but it was certainly the case when I was supporting people as a trade union rep. My mum had great difficulty in getting her boss to take her needs seriously before getting her diagnosis. Because she could mask a lot of the time they assumed she was being g awkward on the days when she couldn't. There was a lot of 'well you were fine with this last week....". Oh yes I relate to this too! The fact how we cope varies based on other factors is sonething so many typicaks can't understand" I relate too.. Currently in the process of asking for adjustments. I get the feeling that they don't want to agree as I've "managed OK" for 5 years in this job... However I've masked for my whole life, I just didn't know thats what I was doing until I started looking into a diagnosis. Generally speaking, I want to say-I'm done masking... But it's become my norm, so I'm trying to unlearn that behaviour and just be myself. | |||
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"It's worth mentioning as well that under the Equality Act 2010 you do not have to be officially diagnosed to be eligible for adjustments/support at work. The problem is that if you don't have an official diagnosis your employer only has to make adjustments if you can 'prove' the issues that you say you're facing. And they can go so far as requiring you to produce medical experts to back up your case. That might have changed, but it was certainly the case when I was supporting people as a trade union rep. My mum had great difficulty in getting her boss to take her needs seriously before getting her diagnosis. Because she could mask a lot of the time they assumed she was being g awkward on the days when she couldn't. There was a lot of 'well you were fine with this last week....". Oh yes I relate to this too! The fact how we cope varies based on other factors is sonething so many typicaks can't understand I relate too.. Currently in the process of asking for adjustments. I get the feeling that they don't want to agree as I've "managed OK" for 5 years in this job... However I've masked for my whole life, I just didn't know thats what I was doing until I started looking into a diagnosis. Generally speaking, I want to say-I'm done masking... But it's become my norm, so I'm trying to unlearn that behaviour and just be myself. " Learning not to mask and learning just how much I masked previousky has been so incredibly liberating for me, I hope its the same for you   | |||
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"It's worth mentioning as well that under the Equality Act 2010 you do not have to be officially diagnosed to be eligible for adjustments/support at work. The problem is that if you don't have an official diagnosis your employer only has to make adjustments if you can 'prove' the issues that you say you're facing. And they can go so far as requiring you to produce medical experts to back up your case. That might have changed, but it was certainly the case when I was supporting people as a trade union rep. My mum had great difficulty in getting her boss to take her needs seriously before getting her diagnosis. Because she could mask a lot of the time they assumed she was being g awkward on the days when she couldn't. There was a lot of 'well you were fine with this last week....". Oh yes I relate to this too! The fact how we cope varies based on other factors is sonething so many typicaks can't understand I relate too.. Currently in the process of asking for adjustments. I get the feeling that they don't want to agree as I've "managed OK" for 5 years in this job... However I've masked for my whole life, I just didn't know thats what I was doing until I started looking into a diagnosis. Generally speaking, I want to say-I'm done masking... But it's become my norm, so I'm trying to unlearn that behaviour and just be myself. " Unmasking is so difficult! I got round that by not socialising for 6 years so there was no need. I crept out of my cave in August and attempting to be the real me around people, but I'm not sure if I'm succeeding. Also, the social anxiety is massive right now due to analysing every social interaction in minute detail to make sure I didn't do anything wrong. People are scary! | |||
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"**bounces into the forum gleefully** Hullo everyone! "Herllooo | |||
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"It's worth mentioning as well that under the Equality Act 2010 you do not have to be officially diagnosed to be eligible for adjustments/support at work. The problem is that if you don't have an official diagnosis your employer only has to make adjustments if you can 'prove' the issues that you say you're facing. And they can go so far as requiring you to produce medical experts to back up your case. That might have changed, but it was certainly the case when I was supporting people as a trade union rep. My mum had great difficulty in getting her boss to take her needs seriously before getting her diagnosis. Because she could mask a lot of the time they assumed she was being g awkward on the days when she couldn't. There was a lot of 'well you were fine with this last week....". Oh yes I relate to this too! The fact how we cope varies based on other factors is sonething so many typicaks can't understand I relate too.. Currently in the process of asking for adjustments. I get the feeling that they don't want to agree as I've "managed OK" for 5 years in this job... However I've masked for my whole life, I just didn't know thats what I was doing until I started looking into a diagnosis. Generally speaking, I want to say-I'm done masking... But it's become my norm, so I'm trying to unlearn that behaviour and just be myself. Unmasking is so difficult! I got round that by not socialising for 6 years so there was no need. I crept out of my cave in August and attempting to be the real me around people, but I'm not sure if I'm succeeding. Also, the social anxiety is massive right now due to analysing every social interaction in minute detail to make sure I didn't do anything wrong. People are scary!" I find the not socialising thing interesting, I stopped drinking in 2015 and really struggled to socialise for years after that. I put it down to have socialised so infrequently sober but now realise that alcohol was part of the masking process. Now I'm just brutally honest about my Autism in social situations and if I struggle or screw up so be it | |||
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"Hey, checking in. Should we all do an introduction for any newbies? I will anyway.... Nell, autistic, diagnosed officially 2018 but knew a good decade beforehand. MyWho, on pathway for ADHD assessment. " Hello All My profile says about my ND but shorthand officially BPD 9 out of 10 autistic traits on the initial assessment test run by my therapist. Avoiding the GP to go for the full assessment. Trauma survivor. | |||
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" I find the not socialising thing interesting, I stopped drinking in 2015 and really struggled to socialise for years after that. I put it down to have socialised so infrequently sober but now realise that alcohol was part of the masking process. Now I'm just brutally honest about my Autism in social situations and if I struggle or screw up so be it " Hugs....being raised by an abusive alcoholic....I could never fully embrace substances to mask. Adds to my weirdness since I was in uni. I was the one on coca cola all night. Everyone wants to meet for drinks and I'm saying pass! | |||
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"Is it because your looking for younger men? Just saying xxxx, hope you find a nice horny guy xx Are you lost good sir?"  | |||
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" I find the not socialising thing interesting, I stopped drinking in 2015 and really struggled to socialise for years after that. I put it down to have socialised so infrequently sober but now realise that alcohol was part of the masking process. Now I'm just brutally honest about my Autism in social situations and if I struggle or screw up so be it Hugs....being raised by an abusive alcoholic....I could never fully embrace substances to mask. Adds to my weirdness since I was in uni. I was the one on coca cola all night. Everyone wants to meet for drinks and I'm saying pass!" I started embracing alcohol at 15, had a problem with it by 17, other substances as I got older notvsure at what point I became a functioning alcoholic... Quitting at 43 was the best thing I ever did, how I escaped without longterm harm to my liver is beyond me at my worst I was easily doing 75-100 units a week though that was only a few years but i regularly drank volumes in a night thst could have lead to fatal levels of alcohol toxicity 
I'm quite proud to have come back from that too! | |||
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"Well.. this thread ended rather abruptly. Something I said?" Definitely not! | |||
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"Well do I have an update , Been chatting to someone for a while after I got asked if I would be interested in a mmf from a solo guy profile, started talking off fab, There was an option to meet solo also. We have been chatting for a few weeks now , had had a hiccup or 2 which did make me question whether I was being jerked around. But today finally got to meet her. And wow am I glad I stuck with it this time, for the next 48h I will be recovering from sore muscles "Yay! So happy for you! Sore muscles sounds like a lot of fun! | |||
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"Well do I have an update , Been chatting to someone for a while after I got asked if I would be interested in a mmf from a solo guy profile, started talking off fab, There was an option to meet solo also. We have been chatting for a few weeks now , had had a hiccup or 2 which did make me question whether I was being jerked around. But today finally got to meet her. And wow am I glad I stuck with it this time, for the next 48h I will be recovering from sore muscles "This is awesome, I'm pleased for you | |||
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"Well do I have an update , Been chatting to someone for a while after I got asked if I would be interested in a mmf from a solo guy profile, started talking off fab, There was an option to meet solo also. We have been chatting for a few weeks now , had had a hiccup or 2 which did make me question whether I was being jerked around. But today finally got to meet her. And wow am I glad I stuck with it this time, for the next 48h I will be recovering from sore muscles "Nice work lad | |||
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"**bounces into the forum gleefully** Hullo everyone!
Herllooo "Hello, new here! So pleased this forum exists.self diagnosed ADHD. Was wondering if anyone has got over the anxiety in feel about going to a club as a single male for the first time | |||
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"Was wondering if anyone has got over the anxiety in feel about going to a club as a single male for the first time " I've been swinging for years, but would still not feel comfortable going to a club on my own. Too much unknown all in one place at one time! | |||
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"Well do I have an update , Been chatting to someone for a while after I got asked if I would be interested in a mmf from a solo guy profile, started talking off fab, There was an option to meet solo also. We have been chatting for a few weeks now , had had a hiccup or 2 which did make me question whether I was being jerked around. But today finally got to meet her. And wow am I glad I stuck with it this time, for the next 48h I will be recovering from sore muscles "Love this! Amazing update | |||
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"Is it because your looking for younger men? Just saying xxxx, hope you find a nice horny guy xx Are you lost good sir?" I could quite happy get lost in your Peaks | |||
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"How do we all do in social situations? We're going to a party on Saturday night, not really a sex party, but they're all fabbers. I've got the pre-party jitters! I'm excited to see cool people I already know and to meet new ones, but also nervous that I'll have nothing to say, get overwhelmed and become mute. That probably won't happen, but the worry is there. Nell" I’m currently struggling in social situations, so I can’t be of much help unfortunately. I’d say having a partner by your side and already knowing some of the people will play to your advantage and pretty sure you’re going to be ok!! | |||
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"How do we all do in social situations? We're going to a party on Saturday night, not really a sex party, but they're all fabbers. I've got the pre-party jitters! I'm excited to see cool people I already know and to meet new ones, but also nervous that I'll have nothing to say, get overwhelmed and become mute. That probably won't happen, but the worry is there. Nell I’m currently struggling in social situations, so I can’t be of much help unfortunately. I’d say having a partner by your side and already knowing some of the people will play to your advantage and pretty sure you’re going to be ok!! "Bring cakes, as this will break the ice and you will be the star of the show. Home made, even more so. We took some to a social in Nottingham and it was baked by a friend of ours. | |||
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"I've been swinging for years, but would still not feel comfortable going to a club on my own. Too much unknown all in one place at one time! " Same. I always find someone to go with in advance. Even if its meeting at a pub somewhere first for a social then moving on to the club together. P.s. Seen there are lots of messages since I last commented but very little headspace to fully catch up I'm sure everyone understands lol. | |||
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"I'm excited to see cool people I already know and to meet new ones, but also nervous that I'll have nothing to say, get overwhelmed and become mute " I find the best thing to do if you don't know what to say is ask someone a question about themselves. Let them then lead the conversation. A lot of people find it flattering to have someone interested in them lol. It also gives a bit more time to think of your own things to add. | |||
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"**bounces into the forum gleefully** Hullo everyone!
Herllooo
Hello, new here! So pleased this forum exists.self diagnosed ADHD.
Was wondering if anyone has got over the anxiety in feel about going to a club as a single male for the first time "I've never been anxious about going to a club as a single male | |||
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"**bounces into the forum gleefully** Hullo everyone!
Herllooo
Hello, new here! So pleased this forum exists.self diagnosed ADHD.
Was wondering if anyone has got over the anxiety in feel about going to a club as a single male for the first time
I've never been anxious about going to a club as a single male" you are funny Mrs | |||
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"How do we all do in social situations? We're going to a party on Saturday night, not really a sex party, but they're all fabbers. I've got the pre-party jitters! I'm excited to see cool people I already know and to meet new ones, but also nervous that I'll have nothing to say, get overwhelmed and become mute. That probably won't happen, but the worry is there. Nell" I was supposed to be going to a social organised by a fab couple this evening, but decided to change plans and visit friends in the country instead. Ideally would have liked to have done both, but I going as a single just seemed too daunting right at this stage | |||
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"Well do I have an update , Been chatting to someone for a while after I got asked if I would be interested in a mmf from a solo guy profile, started talking off fab, There was an option to meet solo also. We have been chatting for a few weeks now , had had a hiccup or 2 which did make me question whether I was being jerked around. But today finally got to meet her. And wow am I glad I stuck with it this time, for the next 48h I will be recovering from sore muscles "Nice one! | |||
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"I've got the pre-party jitters! " Hope you had fun tonight Nell | |||
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"Read all the threads right through. Keep them coming "I'm impressed! I tried to read back and quickly got overwhelmed by all the words Gave up on catching up and just going with the flow now | |||
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"Read all the threads right through. Keep them coming
I'm impressed! I tried to read back and quickly got overwhelmed by all the words Gave up on catching up and just going with the flow now "This is why I can't be bothered to read books too meny words :p Audiobooks are a saviour. | |||
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"Read all the threads right through. Keep them coming
I'm impressed! I tried to read back and quickly got overwhelmed by all the words Gave up on catching up and just going with the flow now
This is why I can't be bothered to read books too meny words :p
Audiobooks are a saviour.
"Great when driving. | |||
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"How do we all do in social situations? We're going to a party on Saturday night, not really a sex party, but they're all fabbers. I've got the pre-party jitters! I'm excited to see cool people I already know and to meet new ones, but also nervous that I'll have nothing to say, get overwhelmed and become mute. That probably won't happen, but the worry is there. Nell" Oops, sorry we're late
You were freaking awesome at that party lady!
So awesome in fact that your enthusiastic welcome chased away my gitters too!
The kissing didn't hurt either
K x | |||
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"How do we all do in social situations? We're going to a party on Saturday night, not really a sex party, but they're all fabbers. I've got the pre-party jitters! I'm excited to see cool people I already know and to meet new ones, but also nervous that I'll have nothing to say, get overwhelmed and become mute. That probably won't happen, but the worry is there. Nell Oops, sorry we're late
You were freaking awesome at that party lady!
So awesome in fact that your enthusiastic welcome chased away my gitters too!
The kissing didn't hurt either
K x"Thank you!
It was fine once I'd got settled in. It was more than fine, it was the best time ever despite the fact my hands were trembling as I was trying to do my makeup. I need to remember Saturday the next time I get the pre-party collywobbles
And the kissing was awesome | |||
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"Good morning everyone. I was wondering if there is anyone in the thread who struggles with executive function and has any tips on how to overcome this. I seem to be struggling with it a lot in the last couple of weeks
"Lists, lists and more lists! My planning skills are non-existent if I don't write anything down. I even have to write down what housework chores need doing each day or they simply won't happen. There are a few organisation apps designed for ND bods. I've never used one as they're not cheap, but for some people they're a god send. | |||
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"Good morning everyone. I was wondering if there is anyone in the thread who struggles with executive function and has any tips on how to overcome this. I seem to be struggling with it a lot in the last couple of weeks
"I really struggle with this too. I recently bought a habit tracker calendar which is really helping. You write your own lists of daily, weekly and monthly tasks and tick each one off as you do it (obviously). I tried doing this on scratty bits of paper but they'd get lost and it never stuck, but having a nice colourful calendar on the fridge stops it getting dog eared and lost. Apparently ticking off items on a list is a good way to get a healthy little kick of dopamine. I also struggle to know when I last did The Thing too so this helps keep me accountable. Also, I find it much more sustainable to slowly build on what I'm doing by making small improvements each day. I used to push myself to suddenly do All The Things and then feel ashamed and angry with myself when I wasn't able to turn myself into superwoman overnight. | |||
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I have a beautiful notepad I do lists on, it helps me keeping track of other things I need to do that are out of the regular, but unfortunately doesn’t work for things such as chores or keeping me well fed and hydrated | |||
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"Good morning everyone. I was wondering if there is anyone in the thread who struggles with executive function and has any tips on how to overcome this. I seem to be struggling with it a lot in the last couple of weeks
"Could estrogen be the missing link for you? I've really struggled with my EF the past couple of years and noticed I was having a lot of hormonal problems, PMDD ect. Through research I noticed that if ladies weren't diagnosed with ADHD in childhood the average age of diagnosis was around 35-38 (off the top of my head) which made me wonder what happens at that age range to push people to go for diagnosis, oh! It's the change in those horrible hormones. Estrogen works closely with dopamine, that's why women start to have adhd like symptoms when they hit perimenopause. As the dopamine levels are already doing their own thing in adhd the reserves are wonky to begin with, it's worth keeping that in mind. As for coping mechanisms I wish I could help! I'd love to write lists but by the time I've picked the paper up I can't remember what I was going write but! I can remember what my next door neighbour was wearing 2 weeks ago! Pfft the joys ay | |||
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"Good morning everyone. I was wondering if there is anyone in the thread who struggles with executive function and has any tips on how to overcome this. I seem to be struggling with it a lot in the last couple of weeks
"I get distracted very easily, I'm trying to do one thing, think of something else and start that, and before you know it I have started 10 jobs and finished non
Wearing headphones to listen to an audiobook while doing simple tasks really helps as it stops my brain wondering off to the other things
K x | |||
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"Good morning everyone. I was wondering if there is anyone in the thread who struggles with executive function and has any tips on how to overcome this. I seem to be struggling with it a lot in the last couple of weeks
Could estrogen be the missing link for you? I've really struggled with my EF the past couple of years and noticed I was having a lot of hormonal problems, PMDD ect. Through research I noticed that if ladies weren't diagnosed with ADHD in childhood the average age of diagnosis was around 35-38 (off the top of my head) which made me wonder what happens at that age range to push people to go for diagnosis, oh! It's the change in those horrible hormones. Estrogen works closely with dopamine, that's why women start to have adhd like symptoms when they hit perimenopause. As the dopamine levels are already doing their own thing in adhd the reserves are wonky to begin with, it's worth keeping that in mind. As for coping mechanisms I wish I could help! I'd love to write lists but by the time I've picked the paper up I can't remember what I was going write but! I can remember what my next door neighbour was wearing 2 weeks ago! Pfft the joys ay "Such joys
I’ve had ADHD symptoms my whole life to be fair, just only persued a diagnosis because my teenager son has been diagnosed recently as well. I’ve had gynae problems all my life too and having PCOS currently, lines up with little estrogen loads of testosterone theory pretty well actually | |||
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"Good morning everyone. I was wondering if there is anyone in the thread who struggles with executive function and has any tips on how to overcome this. I seem to be struggling with it a lot in the last couple of weeks
I get distracted very easily, I'm trying to do one thing, think of something else and start that, and before you know it I have started 10 jobs and finished non
Wearing headphones to listen to an audiobook while doing simple tasks really helps as it stops my brain wondering off to the other things
K x"I’m going to try this, thank you x | |||
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"Thanks for the advice! Now it comes to the: which habit tracker should I buy that would work for me
I have a beautiful notepad I do lists on, it helps me keeping track of other things I need to do that are out of the regular, but unfortunately doesn’t work for things such as chores or keeping me well fed and hydrated "Oh, if you're prone to analysis paralysis this brings me onto another tip! "Don't let perfect be the enemy of good". I'd compare 72748284 types of habit trackers to make sure I was getting the best one that matched a long list of impossible criteria, but never actually buy one because I was stuck in a loop searching for perfection. But in reality, a decent one is a thousand times better than nothing. Remembering that phrase when I'm stuck in analysis paralysis really helps me take a step back and see the situation for what it is. I got the Clever Fox Habit Calendar from Amazon. Is it absolutely flawless and perfect as though I'd designed it myself in a collaboration with Michaelangelo? No, but it does the job and it's already helping me put better habits in place and feel good about sticking to them. That's all we need. Even if these obsessive brains tell us otherwise | |||
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"Thanks for the advice! Now it comes to the: which habit tracker should I buy that would work for me
I have a beautiful notepad I do lists on, it helps me keeping track of other things I need to do that are out of the regular, but unfortunately doesn’t work for things such as chores or keeping me well fed and hydrated
Oh, if you're prone to analysis paralysis this brings me onto another tip! "Don't let perfect be the enemy of good". I'd compare 72748284 types of habit trackers to make sure I was getting the best one that matched a long list of impossible criteria, but never actually buy one because I was stuck in a loop searching for perfection. But in reality, a decent one is a thousand times better than nothing. Remembering that phrase when I'm stuck in analysis paralysis really helps me take a step back and see the situation for what it is.
I got the Clever Fox Habit Calendar from Amazon. Is it absolutely flawless and perfect as though I'd designed it myself in a collaboration with Michaelangelo? No, but it does the job and it's already helping me put better habits in place and feel good about sticking to them. That's all we need. Even if these obsessive brains tell us otherwise "Exactly this Great tip, I'd look for that one x | |||
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"I'd compare 72748284 types of habit trackers to make sure I was getting the best one that matched a long list of impossible criteria, but never actually buy one because I was stuck in a loop searching for perfection. " Me too I've heard that a lot of folks with ADHD are the same. It ties into fear of failure and self-doubt due to past difficulties with executive functioning.
"What if I make the wrong choice?"
"I've made the wrong choice before"
"I better make sure I'm ABSOLUTELY certain or just not do it at all" | |||
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"I wish I would've seen this thread 5 seasons ago ):" Welcome to the party Loving the sound of your DJ work. Fellow queer here | |||
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"Hi my fellow funny ones! I always knew there was something distinctive about me, but I only got diagnosed Aspergers' a few years ago." https://i.giphy.com/media/3pZipqyo1sqHDfJGtz/giphy.webp *waving | |||
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"I wish I would've seen this thread 5 seasons ago ): Welcome to the party Loving the sound of your DJ work. Fellow queer here "Thank you for the very warm welcome
(Also am availible to dj birthday, bah mitzvahs, sex parties ect.) | |||
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"How do we all do in social situations? We're going to a party on Saturday night, not really a sex party, but they're all fabbers. I've got the pre-party jitters! I'm excited to see cool people I already know and to meet new ones, but also nervous that I'll have nothing to say, get overwhelmed and become mute. That probably won't happen, but the worry is there. Nell" My first visit to heathrow ab Fab 4 November, I thought I was going to throw up in the UBer. Lol! Luckily I remember my therapista Vagus nerve breathing technique and did that and I survived. Lol! Unlike the last time I went to heathrow to get on a plane and I actually did throw up in the Uber and had to miss my flight and check into an overpriced Heathrow hotel. My travel anxiety went to a whole new level. I also have to be sedated to fly more than 3 hours. Must be something about Heathrow. Lol! Is there a Gatwick club I can join? Lol! As it turns out Anxiety induced IBS is a thing. goddamnit! | |||
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"**bounces into the forum gleefully** Hullo everyone!
Herllooo
Hello, new here! So pleased this forum exists.self diagnosed ADHD.
Was wondering if anyone has got over the anxiety in feel about going to a club as a single male for the first time "I had anxiety about going for the first time as a single female. Lol! Being a male might be different. | |||
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" I find the not socialising thing interesting, I stopped drinking in 2015 and really struggled to socialise for years after that. I put it down to have socialised so infrequently sober but now realise that alcohol was part of the masking process. Now I'm just brutally honest about my Autism in social situations and if I struggle or screw up so be it Hugs....being raised by an abusive alcoholic....I could never fully embrace substances to mask. Adds to my weirdness since I was in uni. I was the one on coca cola all night. Everyone wants to meet for drinks and I'm saying pass! I started embracing alcohol at 15, had a problem with it by 17, other substances as I got older notvsure at what point I became a functioning alcoholic... Quitting at 43 was the best thing I ever did, how I escaped without longterm harm to my liver is beyond me at my worst I was easily doing 75-100 units a week though that was only a few years but i regularly drank volumes in a night thst could have lead to fatal levels of alcohol toxicity
I'm quite proud to have come back from that too!"It's part of the British culture ( and other cultures) to be d*unk and regularly drink others under the table. I'm not surprised. Well done you...I know plenty of people ( my father included) who cannot kick the alcohol habit. | |||
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"Well do I have an update , Been chatting to someone for a while after I got asked if I would be interested in a mmf from a solo guy profile, started talking off fab, There was an option to meet solo also. We have been chatting for a few weeks now , had had a hiccup or 2 which did make me question whether I was being jerked around. But today finally got to meet her. And wow am I glad I stuck with it this time, for the next 48h I will be recovering from sore muscles "Result!!!!!! So happy for you. Top level Compersion!! | |||
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"In that 4 year relationship i allowed myself to become codependent - I guess its a form of addiction? Sex for sure. " It's what I call an unhealthy/unhelpful coping strategy if it takes over your life, produces dysfunctional behaviours and you can't go without it. Co-dependency, binge eating, binge gaming, binge streaming, binge sex, binge exercise, binge shopping, binge hoarding, binge relationships. If I were to list them all, I have about maybe 1000 healthy, functional coping strategies that I rotate around so that I don't overuse or obsess over one or a few and I have several options depending or the level of distress, emotional imbalance, tense interpersonal interaction. I didn't learn these alone. I learn them in therapy and in mental health and psychoeducational peer groups and courses. | |||
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"How do we all do in social situations? We're going to a party on Saturday night, not really a sex party, but they're all fabbers. I've got the pre-party jitters! I'm excited to see cool people I already know and to meet new ones, but also nervous that I'll have nothing to say, get overwhelmed and become mute. That probably won't happen, but the worry is there. Nell I’m currently struggling in social situations, so I can’t be of much help unfortunately. I’d say having a partner by your side and already knowing some of the people will play to your advantage and pretty sure you’re going to be ok!!
Bring cakes, as this will break the ice and you will be the star of the show. Home made, even more so.
We took some to a social in Nottingham and it was baked by a friend of ours."I like cake. | |||
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" It's part of the British culture ( and other cultures) to be d*unk and regularly drink others under the table. " Well, I don't, not anymore. At Uni I did drink enough to fall over, once, but never made a habit of it. I've never tried to drink more than others on purpose. I've always had a rule that I never drink alcohol alone. I only ever drink when I'm with other people. Sorry to hear about your father. | |||
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"Read all the threads right through. Keep them coming
I'm impressed! I tried to read back and quickly got overwhelmed by all the words Gave up on catching up and just going with the flow now "Hugs | |||
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"Read all the threads right through. Keep them coming
I'm impressed! I tried to read back and quickly got overwhelmed by all the words Gave up on catching up and just going with the flow now
This is why I can't be bothered to read books too meny words :p
Audiobooks are a saviour.
"Audio books are great!! | |||
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"Read all the threads right through. Keep them coming
I'm impressed! I tried to read back and quickly got overwhelmed by all the words Gave up on catching up and just going with the flow now
This is why I can't be bothered to read books too meny words :p
Audiobooks are a saviour.
Great when driving."I don't drive but I've always known about interactive learning so when I have to teach the kids (they're my colleagues but I call them the kids because they are young enough to be my kids) at work I try to make it as interactive as possible. So I tell them how to do something, I show them how to do something, I get them to write their own instructions for themselves so that they can look at it if they forget and I then get them to try doing the thing for themselves. I know I learn best interactively. if you tell me something verbally it never sticks in my head!! | |||
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"How do we all do in social situations? We're going to a party on Saturday night, not really a sex party, but they're all fabbers. I've got the pre-party jitters! I'm excited to see cool people I already know and to meet new ones, but also nervous that I'll have nothing to say, get overwhelmed and become mute. That probably won't happen, but the worry is there. Nell Oops, sorry we're late
You were freaking awesome at that party lady!
So awesome in fact that your enthusiastic welcome chased away my gitters too!
The kissing didn't hurt either
K x"I like a good party. Lol! | |||
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"Good morning everyone. I was wondering if there is anyone in the thread who struggles with executive function and has any tips on how to overcome this. I seem to be struggling with it a lot in the last couple of weeks
"My flat currently has zero signs of executive function. Lol! Ok seriously. executive function is a huge umbrella term for various actions/skills. I say break it down in small bite sized pieces. Like I do the dishes in 15 minute segments. 15 minutes soak with the fairy liquid, i set a timer and then when the timer goes off I wash a set for 15 minutes. Also If I'm emotionally deregulated, stressed, distressed etc, I have to get back to a grounded, centered and balanced baseline before I can even think about executive functioning. I hope that give some insight into it. | |||
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"Good morning everyone. I was wondering if there is anyone in the thread who struggles with executive function and has any tips on how to overcome this. I seem to be struggling with it a lot in the last couple of weeks
Lists, lists and more lists! My planning skills are non-existent if I don't write anything down. I even have to write down what housework chores need doing each day or they simply won't happen.
There are a few organisation apps designed for ND bods. I've never used one as they're not cheap, but for some people they're a god send."Yeah I have to write things down and then I have to remember to check what I've written down. It's hard for me to form concrete habits that don't get disrupted by my emotional downturns. | |||
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"Thanks for the advice! Now it comes to the: which habit tracker should I buy that would work for me
I have a beautiful notepad I do lists on, it helps me keeping track of other things I need to do that are out of the regular, but unfortunately doesn’t work for things such as chores or keeping me well fed and hydrated "chores...what are those.. Lol! | |||
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"Good morning everyone. I was wondering if there is anyone in the thread who struggles with executive function and has any tips on how to overcome this. I seem to be struggling with it a lot in the last couple of weeks
I really struggle with this too. I recently bought a habit tracker calendar which is really helping. You write your own lists of daily, weekly and monthly tasks and tick each one off as you do it (obviously). I tried doing this on scratty bits of paper but they'd get lost and it never stuck, but having a nice colourful calendar on the fridge stops it getting dog eared and lost. Apparently ticking off items on a list is a good way to get a healthy little kick of dopamine. I also struggle to know when I last did The Thing too so this helps keep me accountable.
Also, I find it much more sustainable to slowly build on what I'm doing by making small improvements each day. I used to push myself to suddenly do All The Things and then feel ashamed and angry with myself when I wasn't able to turn myself into superwoman overnight.
"All the things. lost bits of paper....I now have a filofax and a journal...which I lost somewhere in my tiny flat from time to time ( see hoarding problem and no chores problem) I used to beat myself up but now I say my mental health is way more important than crying over the dirty dishes. | |||
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"Good morning everyone. I was wondering if there is anyone in the thread who struggles with executive function and has any tips on how to overcome this. I seem to be struggling with it a lot in the last couple of weeks
Could estrogen be the missing link for you? I've really struggled with my EF the past couple of years and noticed I was having a lot of hormonal problems, PMDD ect. Through research I noticed that if ladies weren't diagnosed with ADHD in childhood the average age of diagnosis was around 35-38 (off the top of my head) which made me wonder what happens at that age range to push people to go for diagnosis, oh! It's the change in those horrible hormones. Estrogen works closely with dopamine, that's why women start to have adhd like symptoms when they hit perimenopause. As the dopamine levels are already doing their own thing in adhd the reserves are wonky to begin with, it's worth keeping that in mind. As for coping mechanisms I wish I could help! I'd love to write lists but by the time I've picked the paper up I can't remember what I was going write but! I can remember what my next door neighbour was wearing 2 weeks ago! Pfft the joys ay "Yup random long-term memory but I walk around at work and at home struggling to remember why I just move from one place to 4 feet away. Literal seconds of cognitive short-term memory evaporated. I know I wind up my supervisors and managers. | |||
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"Good morning everyone. I was wondering if there is anyone in the thread who struggles with executive function and has any tips on how to overcome this. I seem to be struggling with it a lot in the last couple of weeks
I get distracted very easily, I'm trying to do one thing, think of something else and start that, and before you know it I have started 10 jobs and finished non
Wearing headphones to listen to an audiobook while doing simple tasks really helps as it stops my brain wondering off to the other things
K x"Yeah I find music helps...but I'm not allowed music at work so.....I need to find another job to work from home. Lol! | |||
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"Thanks for the advice! Now it comes to the: which habit tracker should I buy that would work for me
I have a beautiful notepad I do lists on, it helps me keeping track of other things I need to do that are out of the regular, but unfortunately doesn’t work for things such as chores or keeping me well fed and hydrated
Oh, if you're prone to analysis paralysis this brings me onto another tip! "Don't let perfect be the enemy of good". I'd compare 72748284 types of habit trackers to make sure I was getting the best one that matched a long list of impossible criteria, but never actually buy one because I was stuck in a loop searching for perfection. But in reality, a decent one is a thousand times better than nothing. Remembering that phrase when I'm stuck in analysis paralysis really helps me take a step back and see the situation for what it is.
I got the Clever Fox Habit Calendar from Amazon. Is it absolutely flawless and perfect as though I'd designed it myself in a collaboration with Michaelangelo? No, but it does the job and it's already helping me put better habits in place and feel good about sticking to them. That's all we need. Even if these obsessive brains tell us otherwise "yes me over here with the bloody comparison sites...meanwhile, I'm riding a bloody expensive bicycle with no insurance. I think I've heard of the Clever Fox before. | |||
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"I wish I would've seen this thread 5 seasons ago ):" Hugs. | |||
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"I wish I would've seen this thread 5 seasons ago ): Welcome to the party Loving the sound of your DJ work. Fellow queer here
Thank you for the very warm welcome
(Also am availible to dj birthday, bah mitzvahs, sex parties ect.)"I like cake. | |||
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"Hi my fellow funny ones! I always knew there was something distinctive about me, but I only got diagnosed Aspergers' a few years ago." welcome. | |||
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" It's part of the British culture ( and other cultures) to be d*unk and regularly drink others under the table. Well, I don't, not anymore. At Uni I did drink enough to fall over, once, but never made a habit of it. I've never tried to drink more than others on purpose. I've always had a rule that I never drink alcohol alone. I only ever drink when I'm with other people. Sorry to hear about your father." Noted. I drink alone because I am alone most of the time. My father is who he is. Now, I just leave him to it and stay out of his way and keep him out of my way. A lot easier as he lives 4000 miles away. | |||
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"Good morning everyone. I was wondering if there is anyone in the thread who struggles with executive function and has any tips on how to overcome this. I seem to be struggling with it a lot in the last couple of weeks
Could estrogen be the missing link for you? I've really struggled with my EF the past couple of years and noticed I was having a lot of hormonal problems, PMDD ect. Through research I noticed that if ladies weren't diagnosed with ADHD in childhood the average age of diagnosis was around 35-38 (off the top of my head) which made me wonder what happens at that age range to push people to go for diagnosis, oh! It's the change in those horrible hormones. Estrogen works closely with dopamine, that's why women start to have adhd like symptoms when they hit perimenopause. As the dopamine levels are already doing their own thing in adhd the reserves are wonky to begin with, it's worth keeping that in mind. As for coping mechanisms I wish I could help! I'd love to write lists but by the time I've picked the paper up I can't remember what I was going write but! I can remember what my next door neighbour was wearing 2 weeks ago! Pfft the joys ay
Yup random long-term memory but I walk around at work and at home struggling to remember why I just move from one place to 4 feet away. Literal seconds of cognitive short-term memory evaporated. I know I wind up my supervisors and managers."I know that feeling well! Maybe a dictaphone would help, actually scrap that! I'd only lose it or forget to listen to it ...jeez I must have been wkd in a previous life. | |||
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"Good morning everyone. I was wondering if there is anyone in the thread who struggles with executive function and has any tips on how to overcome this. I seem to be struggling with it a lot in the last couple of weeks
Lists, lists and more lists! My planning skills are non-existent if I don't write anything down. I even have to write down what housework chores need doing each day or they simply won't happen.
There are a few organisation apps designed for ND bods. I've never used one as they're not cheap, but for some people they're a god send.
Yeah I have to write things down and then I have to remember to check what I've written down.
It's hard for me to form concrete habits that don't get disrupted by my emotional downturns."It’s so good to have you back x I can relate to this in so many levels | |||
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"Good morning everyone. I was wondering if there is anyone in the thread who struggles with executive function and has any tips on how to overcome this. I seem to be struggling with it a lot in the last couple of weeks
Could estrogen be the missing link for you? I've really struggled with my EF the past couple of years and noticed I was having a lot of hormonal problems, PMDD ect. Through research I noticed that if ladies weren't diagnosed with ADHD in childhood the average age of diagnosis was around 35-38 (off the top of my head) which made me wonder what happens at that age range to push people to go for diagnosis, oh! It's the change in those horrible hormones. Estrogen works closely with dopamine, that's why women start to have adhd like symptoms when they hit perimenopause. As the dopamine levels are already doing their own thing in adhd the reserves are wonky to begin with, it's worth keeping that in mind. As for coping mechanisms I wish I could help! I'd love to write lists but by the time I've picked the paper up I can't remember what I was going write but! I can remember what my next door neighbour was wearing 2 weeks ago! Pfft the joys ay
Yup random long-term memory but I walk around at work and at home struggling to remember why I just move from one place to 4 feet away. Literal seconds of cognitive short-term memory evaporated. I know I wind up my supervisors and managers.
I know that feeling well! Maybe a dictaphone would help, actually scrap that! I'd only lose it or forget to listen to it ...jeez I must have been wkd in a previous life. "Yeah i thought of a dictatphone too but knowing me, I miss bit of verbal communication so no doubt I'd miss something I've said in my own voice. Lol! | |||
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"Good morning everyone. I was wondering if there is anyone in the thread who struggles with executive function and has any tips on how to overcome this. I seem to be struggling with it a lot in the last couple of weeks
Lists, lists and more lists! My planning skills are non-existent if I don't write anything down. I even have to write down what housework chores need doing each day or they simply won't happen.
There are a few organisation apps designed for ND bods. I've never used one as they're not cheap, but for some people they're a god send.
Yeah I have to write things down and then I have to remember to check what I've written down.
It's hard for me to form concrete habits that don't get disrupted by my emotional downturns.
It’s so good to have you back x
I can relate to this in so many levels "Aww thanks. Glad the thread posts are still going. I used to be good at habit forming when my life was simpler but middle-aged stress I think really disrupted all of that. Struggling to simplify my life and get most habits back. | |||
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" Aww thanks. Glad the thread posts are still going. I used to be good at habit forming when my life was simpler but middle-aged stress I think really disrupted all of that. Struggling to simplify my life and get most habits back." These threads serve a very good purpose. If not for all the information and advices contained, to make some misfits like ourselves know that we are not alone in this world | |||
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"How did I miss this? All the online tests I take tell me I am neurodivergent, but I function almost normally in day to day life. Most would say that I am a high achiever. I have always been aware that I fall down in the social arena. Put me in a work group and I will function and relate well, and contribute as much as anyone. Put me in a social group and I shrink down to disappear into the floor. Some I simply don't want to associate with because I don't agree with their values or life outlook. Those that I do like, I don't know how to relate, so I just don't. This makes people think I am aloof or uninterested, but I simply don't know what to do in a social group, or I know what's 'normal', I just can't bring myself to do it. On the very rare occasions that I get motivated to open up to anyone, I know they see a whole different person than my usual front. Nobody really knows me, not even family." Hey
"Nobody really knows me, not even family" this must be extremely difficult for you. It sounds like you're intrigued but reluctant to find out?
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"What gets me is that sometimes when I confess my conditions to people they say well you don’t look like you have such and such. Totally devalues my daily struggles of being me. I’m literally exhausted when I walk away from work due to the strain of trying to be normal and manage people. Suppose it comes from a good place though. " I get that all the time too. It used to annoy or upset me as I felt they were challenging my assertions, but I see now that they're just surprised. I ask "well what does autism look like?", and they usually have the good grace to look sheepish. I quite enjoy that bit | |||
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"What gets me is that sometimes when I confess my conditions to people they say well you don’t look like you have such and such. Totally devalues my daily struggles of being me. I’m literally exhausted when I walk away from work due to the strain of trying to be normal and manage people. Suppose it comes from a good place though. " I fucking hate being told I don't look Autistic. Or that I don't seem autistic. Or that I'm not very autistic. Those comments are the absolute fuckibg worst | |||
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"What gets me is that sometimes when I confess my conditions to people they say well you don’t look like you have such and such. Totally devalues my daily struggles of being me. I’m literally exhausted when I walk away from work due to the strain of trying to be normal and manage people. Suppose it comes from a good place though. I get that all the time too. It used to annoy or upset me as I felt they were challenging my assertions, but I see now that they're just surprised. I ask "well what does autism look like?", and they usually have the good grace to look sheepish. I quite enjoy that bit "I had to apply for a passport recently, I'd left it late and booked an in person appointment. Rang ahead, fine for my partner to come with me. Reception staff, fine for partner to come in. Security guard, huge fuss, makes sure everyone notices. Tells me i dint look Autistic, asks whether I have a card (like what the actual fuck) and then asks if there is anything I can do to show him I'm autistic. And I'm still pissed off I never said, 'keep giung down this route and everyone here will know I'm autistic but you'll probably throw me out' or a similar comment! I have decided to be a little more scathing when people say it glung forward! Oh and he closed the conversation with the declaration he might start telling everyone he's autistic so 'he can get his Mrs to do everything for him'. | |||
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"Good morning everyone. I was wondering if there is anyone in the thread who struggles with executive function and has any tips on how to overcome this. I seem to be struggling with it a lot in the last couple of weeks
Lists, lists and more lists! My planning skills are non-existent if I don't write anything down. I even have to write down what housework chores need doing each day or they simply won't happen.
There are a few organisation apps designed for ND bods. I've never used one as they're not cheap, but for some people they're a god send."I'm with you on this list thing. I've get paid weekly, so direct debits are working for me. So what I've done is started a ledger book to log which bill I've paid this week. It's a pain, but it works. Date/company/amount/reference number. A simple but effective idea. | |||
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" Aww thanks. Glad the thread posts are still going. I used to be good at habit forming when my life was simpler but middle-aged stress I think really disrupted all of that. Struggling to simplify my life and get most habits back. These threads serve a very good purpose. If not for all the information and advices contained, to make some misfits like ourselves know that we are not alone in this world "Can, whoever starts the next thread list the last 6 or so threads, so this conversation can be joined up, for the benefit of all? | |||
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"What gets me is that sometimes when I confess my conditions to people they say well you don’t look like you have such and such. Totally devalues my daily struggles of being me. I’m literally exhausted when I walk away from work due to the strain of trying to be normal and manage people. Suppose it comes from a good place though. I get that all the time too. It used to annoy or upset me as I felt they were challenging my assertions, but I see now that they're just surprised. I ask "well what does autism look like?", and they usually have the good grace to look sheepish. I quite enjoy that bit
I had to apply for a passport recently, I'd left it late and booked an in person appointment. Rang ahead, fine for my partner to come with me. Reception staff, fine for partner to come in. Security guard, huge fuss, makes sure everyone notices. Tells me i dint look Autistic, asks whether I have a card (like what the actual fuck) and then asks if there is anything I can do to show him I'm autistic. And I'm still pissed off I never said, 'keep giung down this route and everyone here will know I'm autistic but you'll probably throw me out' or a similar comment! I have decided to be a little more scathing when people say it glung forward!
Oh and he closed the conversation with the declaration he might start telling everyone he's autistic so 'he can get his Mrs to do everything for him'. "I'd really want to tell him that he doesn't look stupid but here we are.  I'm much too polite in real life though.... Of course some of these types of people do make me panic and then when I start hyperventilating, swearing and crying all at once then they start to panic. so then we are all panicking because they were a dickhead. | |||
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"What gets me is that sometimes when I confess my conditions to people they say well you don’t look like you have such and such. Totally devalues my daily struggles of being me. I’m literally exhausted when I walk away from work due to the strain of trying to be normal and manage people. Suppose it comes from a good place though. " Absolutely feel the same. It does make me wonder, if I was able to hide it worse how different would they treat me | |||
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"Can, whoever starts the next thread list the last 6 or so threads, so this conversation can be joined up, for the benefit of all?" This is a good idea. Alternatively, if each new thread's initial post gave a link to just the previous thread then there would be a chain that way. | |||
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"How did I miss this? All the online tests I take tell me I am neurodivergent, but I function almost normally in day to day life. Most would say that I am a high achiever. I have always been aware that I fall down in the social arena. Put me in a work group and I will function and relate well, and contribute as much as anyone. Put me in a social group and I shrink down to disappear into the floor. Some I simply don't want to associate with because I don't agree with their values or life outlook. Those that I do like, I don't know how to relate, so I just don't. This makes people think I am aloof or uninterested, but I simply don't know what to do in a social group, or I know what's 'normal', I just can't bring myself to do it. On the very rare occasions that I get motivated to open up to anyone, I know they see a whole different person than my usual front. Nobody really knows me, not even family. Hey
"Nobody really knows me, not even family" this must be extremely difficult for you. It sounds like you're intrigued but reluctant to find out?
"Well I've made it to sixty, had a reasonably successful life, although I always feel like an outsider. I'm aware of my issues. What's to be gained now by being put in a box? | |||
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"Awkwardly checking in. I rarely do this as I feel ignored at times. C" I think most of us on here will be able to relate to that. Fear of being ignored and disregarded is something I have to push through frequently. | |||
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"Awkwardly checking in. I rarely do this as I feel ignored at times. C I think most of us on here will be able to relate to that. Fear of being ignored and disregarded is something I have to push through frequently. " I don't feel ignored or disregarded. I know that I am the problem. Although I am highly selective about who I might get close to, it's me that keeps people at a distance. Even the few people I think I would like as friends, I don't know how to make that happen. | |||
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"Awkwardly checking in. I rarely do this as I feel ignored at times. C I think most of us on here will be able to relate to that. Fear of being ignored and disregarded is something I have to push through frequently. " 100% This is an issue for both of us, and it doesn't really matter how many time people tell you it is ridiculous, that fear is always there until the people around you *don't* actually ignore you | |||
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"What gets me is that sometimes when I confess my conditions to people they say well you don’t look like you have such and such. Totally devalues my daily struggles of being me. I’m literally exhausted when I walk away from work due to the strain of trying to be normal and manage people. Suppose it comes from a good place though. I get that all the time too. It used to annoy or upset me as I felt they were challenging my assertions, but I see now that they're just surprised. I ask "well what does autism look like?", and they usually have the good grace to look sheepish. I quite enjoy that bit
I had to apply for a passport recently, I'd left it late and booked an in person appointment. Rang ahead, fine for my partner to come with me. Reception staff, fine for partner to come in. Security guard, huge fuss, makes sure everyone notices. Tells me i dint look Autistic, asks whether I have a card (like what the actual fuck) and then asks if there is anything I can do to show him I'm autistic. And I'm still pissed off I never said, 'keep giung down this route and everyone here will know I'm autistic but you'll probably throw me out' or a similar comment! I have decided to be a little more scathing when people say it glung forward!
Oh and he closed the conversation with the declaration he might start telling everyone he's autistic so 'he can get his Mrs to do everything for him'. "You didn't get the autism card?! Crazy, it has trains and algebra and fidget spinners on it. Also that guy was a dick. | |||
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"What gets me is that sometimes when I confess my conditions to people they say well you don’t look like you have such and such. Totally devalues my daily struggles of being me. I’m literally exhausted when I walk away from work due to the strain of trying to be normal and manage people. Suppose it comes from a good place though. I get that all the time too. It used to annoy or upset me as I felt they were challenging my assertions, but I see now that they're just surprised. I ask "well what does autism look like?", and they usually have the good grace to look sheepish. I quite enjoy that bit
I had to apply for a passport recently, I'd left it late and booked an in person appointment. Rang ahead, fine for my partner to come with me. Reception staff, fine for partner to come in. Security guard, huge fuss, makes sure everyone notices. Tells me i dint look Autistic, asks whether I have a card (like what the actual fuck) and then asks if there is anything I can do to show him I'm autistic. And I'm still pissed off I never said, 'keep giung down this route and everyone here will know I'm autistic but you'll probably throw me out' or a similar comment! I have decided to be a little more scathing when people say it glung forward!
Oh and he closed the conversation with the declaration he might start telling everyone he's autistic so 'he can get his Mrs to do everything for him'.
You didn't get the autism card?! Crazy, it has trains and algebra and fidget spinners on it.
Also that guy was a dick."The flipside, and this us super positive, is thst based on this I brought a lanyard with 'I'm autistic please be patient' on it and I don't wear it all the time bit the response had been so positive. I wore it flying on holiday (because i hate airports abd flying obviously) and managed to lose my baseball cap during checkin and the guy I approached to help me find it was super kind. Similarly the group of lads that were sitting by us on the flight were genuinely wanting to not upset me and didn't mock a grown man cuddling stuffed toys! I think most people are kind and want to help us but we obviously dmfeel the negative experiences more! | |||
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"Awkwardly checking in. I rarely do this as I feel ignored at times. C I think most of us on here will be able to relate to that. Fear of being ignored and disregarded is something I have to push through frequently. 100% This is an issue for both of us, and it doesn't really matter how many time people tell you it is ridiculous, that fear is always there until the people around you *don't* actually ignore you "Yup, one of the many reasons I am no longer meeting | |||
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" My first visit to heathrow ab Fab 4 November, I thought I was going to throw up in the UBer. Lol! Luckily I remember my therapista Vagus nerve breathing technique and did that and I survived. Lol!" I saw you put your name down for tonight's social. I'll be there too! Will keep an eye out
P.s. I find vagus nerve breathing super helpful when I'm anxious too | |||
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" I used to beat myself up but now I say my mental health is way more important than crying over the dirty dishes." THIS!!!! I've stopped giving a shit about what other people think I "should" do and omg its wonderful | |||
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" Oh and he closed the conversation with the declaration he might start telling everyone he's autistic so 'he can get his Mrs to do everything for him'. " What a fucking idiot. If you feel able to, you should make a complaint about him. He shouldn't be in that role if he can't interact with people from all walks of life. Being questioned and disrespected in that way could easily cause overwhelm and then if we get "angry" he gets to show off and act like we are "the problem". Makes my blood boil. Im getting more and more impatient about "you don't look/seem ..." and "everyone's a little bit ..." comments. But I do try to keep it cool. My go to responses are usually "oh what should I look like?" and also something like "everyone pees but if you can't control your bladder ..." (I know that's totally different to our situation but somehow it makes people realise they said something stupid) | |||
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"Awkwardly checking in. I rarely do this as I feel ignored at times. C" I'm sorry you've felt ignored I've only been around for two threads. Do think everyone drops in and out sporadically and for a lot of us it's a struggle to stay constantly up to date. Sure no-one has meant to ignore you though! | |||
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"Awkwardly checking in. I rarely do this as I feel ignored at times. C I'm sorry you've felt ignored I've only been around for two threads. Do think everyone drops in and out sporadically and for a lot of us it's a struggle to stay constantly up to date. Sure no-one has meant to ignore you though!"Tbf it happens more in standard threads than on here I think P | |||
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"Awkwardly checking in. I rarely do this as I feel ignored at times. C I'm sorry you've felt ignored I've only been around for two threads. Do think everyone drops in and out sporadically and for a lot of us it's a struggle to stay constantly up to date. Sure no-one has meant to ignore you though!
Tbf it happens more in standard threads than on here I think
P"I think we all can feel ignored on standard threads
But I'd hope no one does feel that way on here, certainly while I might not reply to all posts I read them all, its a shame there's not a like button | |||
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"Tbf it happens more in standard threads than on here I think I think we all can feel ignored on standard threads "I'm sure we've all had the experience of wondering how we're so good at destroying threads. I still don't know if I really do that more often than average, or if I'm just aware of it so on the look out. | |||
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"while I might not reply to all posts I read them all, its a shame there's not a like button" Totally agree on the like button. Also knowing when someone's replied to us specifically. I hate the thought that someone could and I'd totally miss it. | |||
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"Awkwardly checking in. I rarely do this as I feel ignored at times. C" Ur not ignored , people may miss things or be focused on other conversations we don't intentionally leave any1 out ... Unless they say we aren't neurodivergent then they get shouted at and left out | |||
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P6 (current) - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1379859#message_33543328
P5 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1378212
P4 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1375399
P3 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1374628
P2 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1369444
P1 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1346028
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"Tbf it happens more in standard threads than on here I think I think we all can feel ignored on standard threads
I'm sure we've all had the experience of wondering how we're so good at destroying threads. I still don't know if I really do that more often than average, or if I'm just aware of it so on the look out. "I manage to kill off threads I create myself
P | |||
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"Tbf it happens more in standard threads than on here I think I think we all can feel ignored on standard threads
I'm sure we've all had the experience of wondering how we're so good at destroying threads. I still don't know if I really do that more often than average, or if I'm just aware of it so on the look out.
I manage to kill off threads I create myself
P"Solo thread party | |||
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"Tbf it happens more in standard threads than on here I think I think we all can feel ignored on standard threads
I'm sure we've all had the experience of wondering how we're so good at destroying threads. I still don't know if I really do that more often than average, or if I'm just aware of it so on the look out.
I manage to kill off threads I create myself "After I posted, I laughed to myself at how ironic it would be if no one replied! | |||
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"We're both neurodivergent, A. has an ADHD diagnosis but possible autistic too, K. has a lot of autism tendencies and some related to ADHD too. Many of our friends in this lifestyle are also ND! It would be really great for those of us who are ND to have a sub-forum for us!" Anyone know mods / forum organiser seen this request a few times | |||
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Relatively recently diagnosed with ADHD…explains so much! | |||
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"Just discovered this thread Relatively recently diagnosed with ADHD…explains so much!"Welcome to the club! | |||
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"Anyone know mods / forum organiser seen this request a few times" I've suggested it a couple of times. I'm not holding my breath, tbh. | |||
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"Has anyone suggested we have a social yet? Maybe a gaming one in a pub? Scrabble, boggle and a mountain of cakes and chocolates? I hate socialising in groups unless having a shared thing to do or interest?" Not sure it has been suggested no. But I’ll keep an eye in case someone does. I think we are from very different places all of us | |||
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"Has anyone suggested we have a social yet? Maybe a gaming one in a pub? Scrabble, boggle and a mountain of cakes and chocolates? I hate socialising in groups unless having a shared thing to do or interest? Not sure it has been suggested no. But I’ll keep an eye in case someone does. I think we are from very different places all of us " I think it was brought up in an earlier thread, can't remember what was said now though! There's a surprise | |||
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"Just discovered this thread Relatively recently diagnosed with ADHD…explains so much!"Hi | |||
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"Has anyone suggested we have a social yet? Maybe a gaming one in a pub? Scrabble, boggle and a mountain of cakes and chocolates? I hate socialising in groups unless having a shared thing to do or interest? Not sure it has been suggested no. But I’ll keep an eye in case someone does. I think we are from very different places all of us " Yeah think distance is the big issue here, personally I'm north east and have seen some members on here in London ect ... | |||
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"Awkwardly checking in. I rarely do this as I feel ignored at times. C I think most of us on here will be able to relate to that. Fear of being ignored and disregarded is something I have to push through frequently. 100% This is an issue for both of us, and it doesn't really matter how many time people tell you it is ridiculous, that fear is always there until the people around you *don't* actually ignore you
Yup, one of the many reasons I am no longer meeting "Hugs. I can just about tolerate the clubs because I can go hide in the loo/women's changing area if I need a break. Lol! | |||
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"What gets me is that sometimes when I confess my conditions to people they say well you don’t look like you have such and such. Totally devalues my daily struggles of being me. I’m literally exhausted when I walk away from work due to the strain of trying to be normal and manage people. Suppose it comes from a good place though. I get that all the time too. It used to annoy or upset me as I felt they were challenging my assertions, but I see now that they're just surprised. I ask "well what does autism look like?", and they usually have the good grace to look sheepish. I quite enjoy that bit
I had to apply for a passport recently, I'd left it late and booked an in person appointment. Rang ahead, fine for my partner to come with me. Reception staff, fine for partner to come in. Security guard, huge fuss, makes sure everyone notices. Tells me i dint look Autistic, asks whether I have a card (like what the actual fuck) and then asks if there is anything I can do to show him I'm autistic. And I'm still pissed off I never said, 'keep giung down this route and everyone here will know I'm autistic but you'll probably throw me out' or a similar comment! I have decided to be a little more scathing when people say it glung forward!
Oh and he closed the conversation with the declaration he might start telling everyone he's autistic so 'he can get his Mrs to do everything for him'.
You didn't get the autism card?! Crazy, it has trains and algebra and fidget spinners on it.
Also that guy was a dick.
The flipside, and this us super positive, is thst based on this I brought a lanyard with 'I'm autistic please be patient' on it and I don't wear it all the time bit the response had been so positive. I wore it flying on holiday (because i hate airports abd flying obviously) and managed to lose my baseball cap during checkin and the guy I approached to help me find it was super kind. Similarly the group of lads that were sitting by us on the flight were genuinely wanting to not upset me and didn't mock a grown man cuddling stuffed toys!
I think most people are kind and want to help us but we obviously dmfeel the negative experiences more!"I have the sunflower disability lanyard with my disability London freedom pass. I don't display it all the time. Only really in situations where I think I might start to feel panicky....crowded buses and trains...busy supermarkets. Most of the time I'm ok. There were a few tears during lockdowns and Covid restrictions. I'm sedated on planes. | |||
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"Has anyone suggested we have a social yet? Maybe a gaming one in a pub? Scrabble, boggle and a mountain of cakes and chocolates? I hate socialising in groups unless having a shared thing to do or interest? Not sure it has been suggested no. But I’ll keep an eye in case someone does. I think we are from very different places all of us Yeah think distance is the big issue here, personally I'm north east and have seen some members on here in London ect ... " I do try to meet people locally so I'm not overexerting myself with travel. I met a couple last night who totally get neurodivergent brains and they were so nice and hot looking. That was just a London social at a London swingers club. We exist everywhere. | |||
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"I'm sedated on planes." With what? I've never found anything that works for me. | |||
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"Also did someone say they wanted to read 5 previous walls of text ... Well have I got the note saved for you
P6 (current) - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1379859#message_33543328
P5 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1378212
P4 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1375399
P3 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1374628
P2 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1369444
P1 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1346028
"Thanks Arran, the threads names have changed, hopefully this will become a go to thread under a much needed Mental Health section. | |||
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"Awkwardly checking in. I rarely do this as I feel ignored at times. C I think most of us on here will be able to relate to that. Fear of being ignored and disregarded is something I have to push through frequently. 100% This is an issue for both of us, and it doesn't really matter how many time people tell you it is ridiculous, that fear is always there until the people around you *don't* actually ignore you
Yup, one of the many reasons I am no longer meeting
Hugs. I can just about tolerate the clubs because I can go hide in the loo/women's changing area if I need a break. Lol!"If you came to Jaydees, you'd enjoy the private rooms, dark room and social area. Even the pool has a few couches and beds, to get way from the maddening crowds/dance floor. I've seen the benefits of this escape mechanism work. | |||
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"What gets me is that sometimes when I confess my conditions to people they say well you don’t look like you have such and such. Totally devalues my daily struggles of being me. I’m literally exhausted when I walk away from work due to the strain of trying to be normal and manage people. Suppose it comes from a good place though. I get that all the time too. It used to annoy or upset me as I felt they were challenging my assertions, but I see now that they're just surprised. I ask "well what does autism look like?", and they usually have the good grace to look sheepish. I quite enjoy that bit
I had to apply for a passport recently, I'd left it late and booked an in person appointment. Rang ahead, fine for my partner to come with me. Reception staff, fine for partner to come in. Security guard, huge fuss, makes sure everyone notices. Tells me i dint look Autistic, asks whether I have a card (like what the actual fuck) and then asks if there is anything I can do to show him I'm autistic. And I'm still pissed off I never said, 'keep giung down this route and everyone here will know I'm autistic but you'll probably throw me out' or a similar comment! I have decided to be a little more scathing when people say it glung forward!
Oh and he closed the conversation with the declaration he might start telling everyone he's autistic so 'he can get his Mrs to do everything for him'.
You didn't get the autism card?! Crazy, it has trains and algebra and fidget spinners on it.
Also that guy was a dick.
The flipside, and this us super positive, is thst based on this I brought a lanyard with 'I'm autistic please be patient' on it and I don't wear it all the time bit the response had been so positive. I wore it flying on holiday (because i hate airports abd flying obviously) and managed to lose my baseball cap during checkin and the guy I approached to help me find it was super kind. Similarly the group of lads that were sitting by us on the flight were genuinely wanting to not upset me and didn't mock a grown man cuddling stuffed toys!
I think most people are kind and want to help us but we obviously dmfeel the negative experiences more!
I have the sunflower disability lanyard with my disability London freedom pass. I don't display it all the time. Only really in situations where I think I might start to feel panicky....crowded buses and trains...busy supermarkets. Most of the time I'm ok. There were a few tears during lockdowns and Covid restrictions.
I'm sedated on planes."I have mine on my backpack so it's visible on public transport without needing to think to wear it or pick it up just in case! | |||
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"I can just about tolerate the clubs because I can go hide in the loo/women's changing area if I need a break. Lol!" I was honestly worried about spending most of the social on Friday hiding in the loos But a bit of prosecco and reconnecting with a girl I met through Fab about 7 years ago definitely helped me feel a bit more relaxed. I took my usual sensory aids with my too like my ear plugs, essential oils etc just in case.
It was my first club visit since being diagnosed. First time Ive had sex with a stranger since being diagnosed too. Honestly had such a great night. Was buzzing today. I've not felt that comfortable with my body for a very long time. I'm naturally very sensual, tactile and affectionate but it was one of those many things that I learned to mask/hide and not be myself with because of judgements. It was so freeing to just be myself and have people appreciating it. I properly played up to it | |||
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"Luckily at the age of 38 I've learnt a few skills in the art of passing as a normal human "Interestingly, it was around 38 that I got diagnosed. And then decided that I was going to try and stop working so hard at passing for normal. After all, I'm not, so why should I? | |||
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"I was at a house party last night with My Girl, some good friends and some totally new people. I have to report I think I handled myself really well socially. I'm rather proud of myself. There was a couple of occasions when I had to escape the room, hide, regroup, compose and back into the room. Normally when the social situation had gone in a way I had not planned ahead for or I didn't have a response for in my huge bag of rerecord plans/responses (if that makes sense). When this happens I find it best to take a breather and regroup rather than melting down and doing something random and weird in front of everyone. However I think I totally got away with it and nobody noticed. It was a great night. Luckily at the age of 38 I've learnt a few skills in the art of passing as a normal human "Sorry, didn't mean to ignore the rest of your comment. I love that you had a great night! | |||
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I'm okay and don't have the energy for a long rant vut am feeling sorry for myself | |||
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"Some days I really fucking wish my brain was normal, and I could cope with things neurotypicals cope so easily with. Today is one of those days
I'm okay and don't have the energy for a long rant vut am feeling sorry for myself"Sending ND hugs I get it. We all get it here. Some days these wonky brains of ours are pure magic, other days we barely manage not to claw them out, set them on fire and kick them so hard they end up orbiting a minor planet. Hope tomorrow brings better things x | |||
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"Some days I really fucking wish my brain was normal, and I could cope with things neurotypicals cope so easily with. Today is one of those days
I'm okay and don't have the energy for a long rant vut am feeling sorry for myself"I feel your pain borther ! For me personally I don't understand how they don't get it? | |||
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"Some days I really fucking wish my brain was normal, and I could cope with things neurotypicals cope so easily with. Today is one of those days
I'm okay and don't have the energy for a long rant vut am feeling sorry for myself"I’m sorry to read this and truly hope you manage somehow, if you struggle you know we are a bunch of wonky brainers that would listen and understand you | |||
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"Some days I really fucking wish my brain was normal, and I could cope with things neurotypicals cope so easily with. Today is one of those days
I'm okay and don't have the energy for a long rant vut am feeling sorry for myself"It's good to get it out. | |||
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See ya there!
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/support/1384337 | |||
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"Luckily at the age of 38 I've learnt a few skills in the art of passing as a normal human
Interestingly, it was around 38 that I got diagnosed. And then decided that I was going to try and stop working so hard at passing for normal.
After all, I'm not, so why should I? "I'm comfortable with my weirdness however having a bizarre public melt down is not going to do me any favours in that setting. Despite it being highly amusing to My good Woman who enjoys my social discomfort and bizarre manifestations of a melt down. I suppose that's karma for my sadism with her and hence why I avoid giving her the satisfaction. | |||
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