FabSwingers.com forum: Neurodiversity abd swinging part 4

By *ohn Kanaka OP Man
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

Picking up from the last thread

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/support/1374628#last

Which we filled in a matter of days and taking NellyWho's excellent idea of a slight renaming it.

A thread for those of us wonderfully wonky brained types to discuss Autism, ADHD and any other condition and how it effects our life and swinging.

Neurotypicals who want to learn, empathise or support are welcomed. But if the last 3 threads have shown anything, we may not respond positively to phrases like "we're all a bit autistic"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hello *waves*

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

For me (Mr) it's just part of who I am. I spent my life learning to be human and masking things. Basically just adapting to the world I live in and trying to get a long. And to an extent I've been successful in that, all be it stressful and hard work. It's nice to finally understand myself a bit and know there's other people who have the struggles I identify with. And it's nice there is more visibility and understanding out there now. For me it's always just been just the way I am, how I'm programmed, so the my understanding doesn't change the way I live my life massively. So I struggle (from a personal perspective) to get how this has become such a big deal? Not to sound flippant (it effects me hugely) I just don't get the arguments and sometimes a feeling that some almost playing a game of spectrum top trumps. For me I just get on living my life playing the hand I'm delt best I can.

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By *arkandlovelyWoman
over a year ago

South Derbyshire

Resident attack dog of the thread checking in

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

"For me (Mr) it's just part of who I am. I spent my life learning to be human and masking things. Basically just adapting to the world I live in and trying to get a long. And to an extent I've been successful in that, all be it stressful and hard work. It's nice to finally understand myself a bit and know there's other people who have the struggles I identify with. And it's nice there is more visibility and understanding out there now. For me it's always just been just the way I am, how I'm programmed, so the my understanding doesn't change the way I live my life massively. So I struggle (from a personal perspective) to get how this has become such a big deal? Not to sound flippant (it effects me hugely) I just don't get the arguments and sometimes a feeling that some almost playing a game of spectrum top trumps. For me I just get on living my life playing the hand I'm delt best I can."

The spectrum finds us with life experiences that are unique to us. ASD is unique to each and every one of us that is on it. And we each of us will likely evolve over time and be faced by a different world on the outside.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sounds like you were able to accept yourself without much adversity as a youngster? Did you have a loving and safe environment growing up? Many of us didn't and were perpetually reminded that we weren't doing "being a normal person" properly.

Fom what I've observed there are only arguments when somebody, usually NT, tries to invalidate the difficulties and lived-experience of someone on the spectrum. Most of us have fought incredibly hard for the diagnosis, the recognition, the acceptance after a lifetime of being "wrong". When you're faced with attempts to put you down and dismiss you, yet again, after you've finally decoded what's really going on it's difficult not to be defensive.

Nell

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"we're all a bit autistic" is a blasé sentence.

What's less offensive to me is, "Some people score so low on the questionnaires, say 6 out of 56, that they aren't even considered to be ND"

"It affects more people than we realise"

This is how I see it, I could be wrong.

What do you think?

A similar thing happens with telling people I have depression,

"How can you be making jokes all of the time and still be depressed?" High functioning and coping strategies are at work here.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Did you have a loving and safe environment growing up? Many of us didn't and were perpetually reminded that we weren't doing "being a normal person"

That is so true I was always the one who never conformed, not a noisy rebel but a quieter stealth one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was going to suggest it being changed to neurodivergent as there is definitely a range of conditions we are covering

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

NT here but checking in to keep in touch for the reasons I've given on the last 2 threads.

Hi everyone

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Saying we are all a bit on the spectrum to me sounds like saying "we are all a bit of colour" - it is meaningless, dismissive and offensive even if said unintentionally.

I have a number of neuro-divergent friends, possibly more than any of my non-neuro-divergent friends. That has made me wonder sometimes whether I might be on that low end of the spectrum myself. At work, I can completely understand the way a particular ND colleague thinks whereas I can see on the faces of other colleagues that they don't have a clue why "he always overthinks" and "is always to difficult" and has no sense of "humour" - none of these statements are actually true.

It is quite tough for him, even in 2022

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Saying we are all a bit on the spectrum to me sounds like saying "we are all a bit of colour" - "

I'm the colour of chalk does that count ?

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By *armandwet50Couple
over a year ago

Far far away

"Saying we are all a bit on the spectrum to me sounds like saying "we are all a bit of colour" - it is meaningless, dismissive and offensive even if said unintentionally.

It is quite tough for him, even in 2022"

What is a neuro divergent person?

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Saying we are all a bit on the spectrum to me sounds like saying "we are all a bit of colour" -

I'm the colour of chalk does that count ?"
I meant generically

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Saying we are all a bit on the spectrum to me sounds like saying "we are all a bit of colour" -

I'm the colour of chalk does that count ?"

Nice analogy.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Saying we are all a bit on the spectrum to me sounds like saying "we are all a bit of colour" - it is meaningless, dismissive and offensive even if said unintentionally.

It is quite tough for him, even in 2022

What is a neuro divergent person?"

I was looking for a definition which is broad and understandable so found this one on the net:

What defines someone as neurodivergent?

The term “neurodivergent” describes people whose brain differences affect how their brain works. That means they have different strengths and challenges from people whose brains don't have those differences.

Hope this helps

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My personal bugbear is towards the people who said "Why do you need a label?"

Well, all my life I have been labelled negatively by others -- naughty, defiant, rebellious, inflammatory, offensive, obsessive, surly, moody, grumpy, inappropriate, lazy, disinterested, blunt, lost, inattentive, random, self-centred, shy and so on.

So, my diagnosis is for me -- it's my label, my identity and part of my personality, and nobody else's business.

Personally, I prefer to use Asperger's Syndrome, as that's what it says in my records -- but each to their own. I just find it more helpful when explaining myself to interested people.

But meh, I'm not trying to be different as some people suggest, I actually am different.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Saying we are all a bit on the spectrum to me sounds like saying "we are all a bit of colour" - it is meaningless, dismissive and offensive even if said unintentionally.

It is quite tough for him, even in 2022

What is a neuro divergent person?"

Neuro=brain/thinking

Divergent=differences/non typical/incompatible thought processing/reactions

Person= you know that word

Basically it includes autism, Aspergers, dyslexic, dyspraxia, dyscalculia to name a few.

We have different strength and weakness, there are some excellent YT videos that explain this

I struggle with short term memory, sequences, hand writing and telephone numbers: but maps, word play and reading is a doddle for me, as is word play.

Dancing and reading body language is a minefield for me. Sensitivity to light and sounds can be unbearable at times.Earplugs and sunnies are a lifesaver.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"My personal bugbear is towards the people who said "Why do you need a label?"

So, my diagnosis is for me -- it's my label, my identity and part of my personality, and nobody else's business.

Personally, I prefer to use Asperger's Syndrome, as that's what it says in my records -- but each to their own. I just find it more helpful when explaining myself to interested people.

But meh, I'm not trying to be different as some people suggest, I actually am different.

"
And I guess, all you want is for people to accept that statement without arguing it? (That is in essence what I have heard from my colleague)

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"My personal bugbear is towards the people who said "Why do you need a label?"

So, my diagnosis is for me -- it's my label, my identity and part of my personality, and nobody else's business.

Personally, I prefer to use Asperger's Syndrome, as that's what it says in my records -- but each to their own. I just find it more helpful when explaining myself to interested people.

But meh, I'm not trying to be different as some people suggest, I actually am different.

Left handed people are just that. People, whose dominant hand is the one on the left.

Labels give a short hand description of what's happening.

This label works, even if the scissors and can openers don't.

Hence the Left handed shop, that Ned Flanders opened in the shopping centre.

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By *humper.Man
over a year ago

northumberland/scotland

Afternoon all

My diagnosis was only in february this year but, its helped me understand certain things, especially about some of my struggles early on. Especially the "you know what hes like" and "you can come back in once you behave like your brother" kinda phrases. Realising i wasnt just "a huffy little shit" and that i simply didnt understand and got overwhelmed etc. Makes me look at things in a different light since being diagnised with aspergers (alongsude a diagnisis years ago of chronic depression and ptsd) its easier to win the war, when you know what youre fighting

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By *ohn Kanaka OP Man
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

"My personal bugbear is towards the people who said "Why do you need a label?"

So, my diagnosis is for me -- it's my label, my identity and part of my personality, and nobody else's business.

Personally, I prefer to use Asperger's Syndrome, as that's what it says in my records -- but each to their own. I just find it more helpful when explaining myself to interested people.

But meh, I'm not trying to be different as some people suggest, I actually am different.

This! So much fucking this!

I'm completely comfortable being weird and odd but I hate other negative terms. Awkward. Difficult. Hard work. I hate those terms.

I use the word autistic or neurodiverse because I like them. And because I am, not because I'm being difficult or want a lable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm personally undecided on the term neurodiversity -- I get it, but I don't know if it's a good term to use within general society.

I mean, the world is made up of diverse neurotypes -- like biodiversity or racial diversity, as such we live on a neurodiverse planet.

However, we deviate from the norm, and as such we are neurodivergent or even neurodeviant (I like this term for it's connotations

)

The more concerning thing however, is if people stop thinking of these conditions as disabilities, and instead think of them as mere differences, well it may take away from the many complex needs that many autistic people can have.

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By *ohn Kanaka OP Man
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

"My personal bugbear is towards the people who said "Why do you need a label?"

So, my diagnosis is for me -- it's my label, my identity and part of my personality, and nobody else's business.

Personally, I prefer to use Asperger's Syndrome, as that's what it says in my records -- but each to their own. I just find it more helpful when explaining myself to interested people.

But meh, I'm not trying to be different as some people suggest, I actually am different.

And I guess, all you want is for people to accept that statement without arguing it? (That is in essence what I have heard from my colleague)

Without arguing it. And without dismissing it. And without attempting to invalidate it or undermine it.

Across multiple letters my old manager used to put autism in inverted commas, he'd often prefix or postfix it with phrases like 'what you claim is'.

You cannot begin to imagine how upsetting that is, you wouldn't do that with any other disability or health condition

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm realising the more and more I'm in these threads and trying to force myself to be on chat or trying to interact with others how insanely difficult it is for me as of late,

as I became single 3.5 years ago I became more reclusive and introverted which has hampered my social skills and now I struggle to find how to restart a conversation going if there is a lul, I almost want at times someone nt to walk me through the conversations and help guide me on what to say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My personal bugbear is towards the people who said "Why do you need a label?"

So, my diagnosis is for me -- it's my label, my identity and part of my personality, and nobody else's business.

Personally, I prefer to use Asperger's Syndrome, as that's what it says in my records -- but each to their own. I just find it more helpful when explaining myself to interested people.

But meh, I'm not trying to be different as some people suggest, I actually am different.

And I guess, all you want is for people to accept that statement without arguing it? (That is in essence what I have heard from my colleague)

Without arguing it. And without dismissing it. And without attempting to invalidate it or undermine it.

Across multiple letters my old manager used to put autism in inverted commas, he'd often prefix or postfix it with phrases like 'what you claim is'.

You cannot begin to imagine how upsetting that is, you wouldn't do that with any other disability or health condition "

Because we look normal we often don't have anything that can be seen so people dismiss us , as most of us work , drive , live fairly independently, and generally have a level of masking to fit in

We no longer have a "disability"

*eyeroll*

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"I'm realising the more and more I'm in these threads and trying to force myself to be on chat or trying to interact with others how insanely difficult it is for me as of late,

I know how you feel.

There are famous speeches where the orator was not the writer, so don't feel to bad about it.

Where would Elton John be without Bernie Taupin, or Madonna without Patrick Leonard? One gets the fame, the other gets the royalties.

If only ordinary life could work out, like that for us mere mortals.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Resident attack dog of the thread checking in

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"My personal bugbear is towards the people who said "Why do you need a label?""

Even the phrasing of that question is totally dismissive. I have said to people in the past, "it's not a label, it's a medical diagnosis."

People who ask us that question seem threatened to me, but I'm not at all sure why.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because we look normal we often don't have anything that can be seen so people dismiss us , as most of us work , drive , live fairly independently, and generally have a level of masking to fit in

We no longer have a "disability"

*eyeroll*"

A longterm friend of mine totally disputes my diagnosis on the grounds of "you don't have that 'special' look that people on the spectrum have".

Thing is, he's still only ever been witness to sides of me that I choose for him to see -- he just views me as a sex addict with good computer and photography skills. :D

The thing here, also, is double empathy -- if he had to go through assessment, they would almost certainly find an issue with him too, and as such he is denial of mine.

I now say to people like him, "How do you know you're not autistic?" :D

The media has a lot to answer for, for either featuring people who are more clearly on the spectrum or creating savant stereotypes -- rather than representing those of us who get by with nobody batting an eyelid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Resident attack dog of the thread checking in

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

" Because we look normal we often don't have anything that can be seen so people dismiss us , as most of us work , drive , live fairly independently, and generally have a level of masking to fit in

We no longer have a "disability"

*eyeroll*"

I do not and never will consider my diagnosis as a disability.

It is merely an indicator that my brain works in a neuro-atypical fashion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Because we look normal we often don't have anything that can be seen so people dismiss us , as most of us work , drive , live fairly independently, and generally have a level of masking to fit in

We no longer have a "disability"

*eyeroll*

I do not and never will consider my diagnosis as a disability.

It is merely an indicator that my brain works in a neuro-atypical fashion.

Glad you feel its not a disability , but it's definitely a disability and has been recognised as such

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By *arkandlovelyWoman
over a year ago

South Derbyshire

I think it's helpful to have elements from both the neurodiversity and disability models to take from. Sometimes it very much is a disability, and on those days where I feel like a prisoner to my own mind, it would be a huge kick in the teeth to be denied that.

Other days my head is a beautiful, colourful, ever-spinning playground and it's capable of things most neurotypical people couldn't get close to. On those days it brings me so much joy and I don't feel disabled, I feel privileged to be in our weird little club. But sadly not every day is like that.

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

" Because we look normal we often don't have anything that can be seen so people dismiss us , as most of us work , drive , live fairly independently, and generally have a level of masking to fit in

We no longer have a "disability"

*eyeroll*

I do not and never will consider my diagnosis as a disability.

It is merely an indicator that my brain works in a neuro-atypical fashion.

Glad you feel its not a disability , but it's definitely a disability and has been recognised as such"

That's why I specifically said my diagnosis and in reference to myself.

I appreciate that others will feel differently.

However, this is one of the factors around ASC, is that while there may well be commonality in some aspects, in many others we are all still unique.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Because we look normal we often don't have anything that can be seen so people dismiss us , as most of us work , drive , live fairly independently, and generally have a level of masking to fit in

We no longer have a "disability"

*eyeroll*

I do not and never will consider my diagnosis as a disability.

It is merely an indicator that my brain works in a neuro-atypical fashion.

Glad you feel its not a disability , but it's definitely a disability and has been recognised as such"

In the neurotypical world we have to live in my autism is most definitely disabling. I simply cannot function "normally" without causing myself serious damage in the attempt.

Equally frustrating are the people who insist that autism is a "superpower". Just, ugh.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I think it’s becoming less a disability as we understand it and realise many many successful people in creative, tech sectors etc are ND and that’s the source of competing edge - thinking very differently , embracing all kinds of diversity

I mean it’s quite normal in some tech startups, NTs would only be allowed to do the admin and boring stuff

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

We way I describe it is that I am disabled by NT society, not by being autistic.

The world disables me, not my wonky brain.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it’s becoming less a disability as we understand it and realise many many successful people in creative, tech sectors etc are ND and that’s the source of competing edge - thinking very differently , embracing all kinds of diversity

I mean it’s quite normal in some tech startups, NTs would only be allowed to do the admin and boring stuff

What you don't see is how much support those techy creatives require behind closed doors in order for them to excel at their chosen vocations. The daily living components, cooking, feeding themselves, housework, personal hygiene, budgeting, interpersonal relationships etc. Many require people to support them with those basic life-skills. The people who don't often end up like me, on benefits

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Equally frustrating are the people who insist that autism is a "superpower". Just, ugh."

YES! That trope is gross.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

" In the neurotypical world we have to live in my autism is most definitely disabling. I simply cannot function "normally" without causing myself serious damage in the attempt.

Equally frustrating are the people who insist that autism is a "superpower". Just, ugh."

I think it's a well meaning but really rather dim saying isn't it?

I think I'm quite lucky, I have coping mechanisms in place, I'm generally NT presenting. There are times when I'm made very aware of being different like if I'm told off/ teased for being me (hi information oversharing/dumping, very black and white view on if someone says something), have to deal with a new situation/unfamiliar location. It can be tricky on here because even socials can cause me to stim before I enter so I have to take time before I do so.

When I was younger I felt very *other* because my mind doesn't seem to work like others and sometimes it feels like I'm talking a foreign language. But now, I love my mind. Yeah it's exhausting and chaotic. Fuck knows it can be. Poor Nell has been on the receiving end of that a couple of times. But it's part of me and I wouldn't change that.

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By *ohn Kanaka OP Man
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

Equally frustrating are the people who insist that autism is a "superpower". Just, ugh."

Oh they can fuck fight off!

There are certain aspects of how I am that I l9ve and would never want to change but fucking hell even the absolute best bits are most definitely not a fucking super power

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By *ohn Kanaka OP Man
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

I mean it’s quite normal in some tech startups, NTs would only be allowed to do the admin and boring stuff

I know this is well intentioned but the idea that because some neurodivergents excel in certain sectors that its become less of a disability is nonsensical.

I'm not sure holding down a full time job is a benchmark for disability but there are those in this thread who can't manage that and others who struggle massively.

Would you suggest paraplegia was less of a disability because a workplace was suitably adapted?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" When I was younger I felt very *other* because my mind doesn't seem to work like others and sometimes it feels like I'm talking a foreign language. But now, I love my mind. Yeah it's exhausting and chaotic. Fuck knows it can be. Poor Nell has been on the receiving end of that a couple of times. But it's part of me and I wouldn't change that."

Poor Nell?? Being on the receiving end of your conversation is gorgeous and an honour. The best thing about being autistic is when you find another just like you

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Poor Nell?? Being on the receiving end of your conversation is gorgeous and an honour. The best thing about being autistic is when you find another just like you

Oh gosh. I do genuinely love you. A lot. Finding others is so rewarding and also helps put your mind at ease that you're not... well you're okay really. I think that's a fear of mine. That I'm somehow not right or good enough because I am different. It's really lovely to read this thread; thank you to those who started and have contributed on it, it's been a really interesting read.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"It's really lovely to read this thread; thank you to those who started and have contributed on it, it's been a really interesting read."

Agreed. These threads have been like a daily check-in on my ND buddies.

It's like: "How are we all doing, guys?"

Many NTs think we suck at communication, but these have been some of the best threads I've seen in a long time!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I mean it’s quite normal in some tech startups, NTs would only be allowed to do the admin and boring stuff

I know this is well intentioned but the idea that because some neurodivergents excel in certain sectors that its become less of a disability is nonsensical.

I'm not sure holding down a full time job is a benchmark for disability but there are those in this thread who can't manage that and others who struggle massively.

Would you suggest paraplegia was less of a disability because a workplace was suitably adapted?

That is my case unfortunately, I do excel at my job but I struggle every day. I have to put a lot of strain in my mind to do so and, until recently, I had a manager who bullied me because I had ‘an attitude issue’

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

This really is a proper conversation. We need more healthy and frank threads like this more often.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

John I sent you a pm, you misunderstood me in the prev thread. Hope it’s ok

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"That is my case unfortunately, I do excel at my job but I struggle every day. I have to put a lot of strain in my mind to do so and, until recently, I had a manager who bullied me because I had ‘an attitude issue’ "

A great example of how the old low/high functioning language was so inaccurate and unhelpful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A great example of how the old low/high functioning language was so inaccurate and unhelpful."

On her part or my part?

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

A great example of how the old low/high functioning language was so inaccurate and unhelpful.

On her part or my part?"

I'm going by your statement, 'I do excel at my job but I struggle every day.' The old language might have said you were 'high functioning' because it judges is only on how 'normal' we can act.

And it completely misses that many of us who act that way have many other challenges they can't see.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dyslexic here, i have to read sumit 3 times before it sinks in. Not got in way of my career though

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By *ohn Kanaka OP Man
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

A great example of how the old low/high functioning language was so inaccurate and unhelpful.

On her part or my part?

I'm going by your statement, 'I do excel at my job but I struggle every day.' The old language might have said you were 'high functioning' because it judges is only on how 'normal' we can act.

And it completely misses that many of us who act that way have many other challenges they can't see. "

And are permanently exhausted from being 'Hugh functioning'

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"Picking up from the last thread

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/support/1374628#last

Which we filled in a matter of days and taking NellyWho's excellent idea of a slight renaming it.

A thread for those of us wonderfully wonky brained types to discuss Autism, ADHD and any other condition and how it effects our life and swinging.

Neurotypicals who want to learn, empathise or support are welcomed. But if the last 3 threads have shown anything, we may not respond positively to phrases like "we're all a bit autistic"

Popped into say Hello!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A great example of how the old low/high functioning language was so inaccurate and unhelpful.

On her part or my part?

I'm going by your statement, 'I do excel at my job but I struggle every day.' The old language might have said you were 'high functioning' because it judges is only on how 'normal' we can act.

And it completely misses that many of us who act that way have many other challenges they can't see.

And are permanently exhausted from being 'Hugh functioning'"

Gotcha

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

Masking is easier for some people than others. There are some people with ASD who can't mask at all. When I get highly stressed, I can't mask at all or think rationally.

I have more than autistic traits on top. I have BPD/EUPD, SAD, anxiety, depression, chronic fatigue, and sensory processing traits. I'm a survivor of adult and childhood trauma.

All those little pieces go into the cake of making my brain ever so slightly different from everyone else's.

Add in being treated like " a large angry black woman" and " a good Christian girl/wife" and being in a society that believes in corporal punishment.

You got a whole lot of shit to sort out before I can even tackle the ASD side of things.

My privileges are that I was raised in a two-parent, two-income household, my parents are still alive and together, I'm highly educated and I was raised in a country where I was from a majority race, culture, politics, and religion. As long as I masked I blended in.

And I'm lucky. I know people who never blended in no matter how much they masked and that masking also made them be rejected by their own people/family and friends.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

" "we're all a bit autistic" is a blasé sentence.

What's less offensive to me is, "Some people score so low on the questionnaires, say 6 out of 56, that they aren't even considered to be ND"

"It affects more people than we realise"

This is how I see it, I could be wrong.

What do you think?

A similar thing happens with telling people I have depression,

"How can you be making jokes all of the time and still be depressed?" High functioning and coping strategies are at work here.

Or masking.

We have a joke in my MH peer group.. We are fine. We are all fine. I'm fine. you're fine. Fine stands for F-ed up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. Lol! Raise your hand if you feel find today! Lol!

Personally if I don't laugh I'd spend all my time crying so I chose to laugh. Every now and then I have a good cry under my duvet....only my stuffed dog Harry sees... no one else. Lol!

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"Saying we are all a bit on the spectrum to me sounds like saying "we are all a bit of colour" - it is meaningless, dismissive and offensive even if said unintentionally.

It is quite tough for him, even in 2022

What is a neuro divergent person?

Neuro=brain/thinking

Divergent=differences/non typical/incompatible thought processing/reactions

Person= you know that word

Basically it includes autism, Aspergers, dyslexic, dyspraxia, dyscalculia to name a few.

We have different strength and weakness, there are some excellent YT videos that explain this

I struggle with short term memory, sequences, hand writing and telephone numbers: but maps, word play and reading is a doddle for me, as is word play.

Dancing and reading body language is a minefield for me. Sensitivity to light and sounds can be unbearable at times.Earplugs and sunnies are a lifesaver.

I'm good at maps too ( A in A level Geography) and have a weird sense of direction.... Dunno what that is about! Lol! unless it's a special interest....or in my case one of many special interests/obsessions.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"My personal bugbear is towards the people who said "Why do you need a label?"

So, my diagnosis is for me -- it's my label, my identity and part of my personality, and nobody else's business.

Personally, I prefer to use Asperger's Syndrome, as that's what it says in my records -- but each to their own. I just find it more helpful when explaining myself to interested people.

But meh, I'm not trying to be different as some people suggest, I actually am different.

I need a label because trying to explain all of it is about 300 pages of my PIP tribunal court bundle.

Ain't nobody got time fuh dat. Not even me. Lol!

I just say BPD autistic traits and let them go off and research at their own leisure.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"Saying we are all a bit on the spectrum to me sounds like saying "we are all a bit of colour" - it is meaningless, dismissive and offensive even if said unintentionally.

It is quite tough for him, even in 2022

What is a neuro divergent person?

Neuro=brain/thinking

Divergent=differences/non typical/incompatible thought processing/reactions

Person= you know that word

Basically it includes autism, Aspergers, dyslexic, dyspraxia, dyscalculia to name a few.

We have different strength and weakness, there are some excellent YT videos that explain this

I struggle with short term memory, sequences, hand writing and telephone numbers: but maps, word play and reading is a doddle for me, as is word play.

Dancing and reading body language is a minefield for me. Sensitivity to light and sounds can be unbearable at times.Earplugs and sunnies are a lifesaver.

I can dance...sorta I'm black and I was raised in the Caribbean...they train you from young. Lol!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" "we're all a bit autistic" is a blasé sentence.

What's less offensive to me is, "Some people score so low on the questionnaires, say 6 out of 56, that they aren't even considered to be ND"

"It affects more people than we realise"

This is how I see it, I could be wrong.

What do you think?

A similar thing happens with telling people I have depression,

"How can you be making jokes all of the time and still be depressed?" High functioning and coping strategies are at work here.

Or masking.

We have a joke in my MH peer group.. We are fine. We are all fine. I'm fine. you're fine. Fine stands for F-ed up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. Lol! Raise your hand if you feel find today! Lol!

Personally if I don't laugh I'd spend all my time crying so I chose to laugh. Every now and then I have a good cry under my duvet....only my stuffed dog Harry sees... no one else. Lol!"

This is so me, it really hurts reading someone else has to go through it

My stuffy is a black cat

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"Afternoon all

Definitely helps to know that I'm bribing/coaxing/ cheerleading /soothing/boundary setting for the BPD Toddler with autistic traits in my head. Lol! I try not to fight with myself...done that for too long and it wasn't pretty. Everyone lost.

I say to myself look if you are going to throw your toys out of the pram at least do it when no one else is watching and do it in one place so it's easier to put them back in and carry on pushing. Lol! Try not to run over your toys with the pram but if you do, we can fix it.

Lol! Yes I have these self-parenting conversations in my head. My parents never said things like this to me. Now I know what to say If I ever have to parent a real little human.

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By *ohn Kanaka OP Man
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

" "we're all a bit autistic" is a blasé sentence.

What's less offensive to me is, "Some people score so low on the questionnaires, say 6 out of 56, that they aren't even considered to be ND"

"It affects more people than we realise"

This is how I see it, I could be wrong.

What do you think?

A similar thing happens with telling people I have depression,

"How can you be making jokes all of the time and still be depressed?" High functioning and coping strategies are at work here.

Or masking.

We have a joke in my MH peer group.. We are fine. We are all fine. I'm fine. you're fine. Fine stands for F-ed up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. Lol! Raise your hand if you feel find today! Lol!

Personally if I don't laugh I'd spend all my time crying so I chose to laugh. Every now and then I have a good cry under my duvet....only my stuffed dog Harry sees... no one else. Lol!

This is so me, it really hurts reading someone else has to go through it

My stuffy is a black cat

Because I harbour under the impression that people might still think I'm still a scary bad ass Dom, I'm not sure I can talk about my collection of stuffed toys. I have a lot! I mean I took 2 on holiday with me last month