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“Real life” couple advice

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hello lovelies. Met and unexpectedly started a serious relationship with a man I met at a club, both willing to bring fab and swinging life into our relationship but with no experience would love to hear from other couples how they manage the inevitable jealousy etc! I’m aware it takes a lot of respect and trust there are so many stories of when it fails but would love to hear couples successes as we want to be able to have our cake and eat it

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By *peak and SpellCouple
over a year ago

Greenwich, SE LONDON

Lots of communication and trust. Respect requested boundaries.

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By *heekyFlirtyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Stockport

We met as singles on fab

Both from broken relationships

We had a social and mrs j looked across as 20 mins and said , your a nice guy buf if wont be going any further

We agreed to a coffee every now and then as we actually got on

One day she said she eould re write my typical single guy profile , and even do a pic for me

Whe done she said actually that reads well

And after a coffee one night , she asked me if I fancied going to a club

It was funny when after we were all done , we both very politely said thank you at the same time

6 weeks later , we were an item

Now very happily married and loving life together

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By *jk1978Couple
over a year ago

Cheshire

We spoke for months about getting excitement and fun back after being together 22 years from 21 now early 40s, had planned sex for couple of years trying for our daughter and she’s 6 still in our bed most nights, we had an amazing 1st club experience and joined here we have had a meet through here couple same room swap and that was good experience too there is lots of communication and trust we both share account on here and both view all msgs, anniversary next week and got male massage therapist coming to give her 4 handed sensual massage which will lead to 3 some with single guy joining us we also have meet arranged for Saturday with couple so it’s about experience’s together, you never know if jealousy is there until you see each other with other people in couples scenario no amount of talking prepares you for that but we both found it a turn on and exciting so hopefully we will enjoy continuing this journey through here and clubs x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Wow that’s so good, we met at a club then privately a day later and inseparable since but we both love the swinging life just hard to separate the sex from the feelings and we are wary of making irreparable mistakes! We have done research but not found many success stories I’m probably struggling with it more than he is tbh but willing to work on it

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yes this is the main theme and we do have that it’s just taking the first steps and being sure it’s comfortable for us both

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yes I’d really like to think I wouldn’t be jealous in the moment but would hate to risk what we have even though the benefits of an amazing sex life is there for the taking we recently had some fun with another man which was good I’m just struggling with the idea of a full swap but really want to be able to do it for him

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By *jk1978Couple
over a year ago

Cheshire

Communicating is key if your uncomfortable with anything, the post above ours funny enough was our meet through her they made the point to me it’s just sex and not romantic so separate the 2 be greedy and just think your having sex and keep separate from your relationship x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Agreed we did the same thing and joked about not falling in love so it was a surprise for us both but want to keep swinging in our lives as we both enjoyed the scene

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

It sounds as though you have a lot of doubts

Maybe just focus on the new relationship between you both for the time being

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wow that’s so good, we met at a club then privately a day later and inseparable since but we both love the swinging life just hard to separate the sex from the feelings and we are wary of making irreparable mistakes! We have done research but not found many success stories I’m probably struggling with it more than he is tbh but willing to work on it "

How long ago did you meet?

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London


"It sounds as though you have a lot of doubts

Maybe just focus on the new relationship between you both for the time being "

This

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

That was us. Met at a club November 2018, first played January 2019, got together 2020 (first date was cancelled cos of lockdown) and disgustingly happy now and getting closer every day.

It helps a lot that we were both seeing other people when we became friends. I KNOW that he will treat me right even when there is a new exciting person in his life and that he’ll treat me with care and love no matter what. I don’t do jealousy, so I don’t care what he does with other people as long as he’s happy - and there does tend to be an extra edge to our sex lives after group shenanigans.

Learning how to swing as a couple and not two single people has been the hardest part of this, and it’s a whole journey. What worked for us was swinging solo on mixed nights - but always with some playtime together - and as a couple on couples only nights. We’ve never put any restrictions on what the other one can do, and that has worked for us. I know couples who DO have rules - and had them myself in previous relationships - and that actually seems to make things harder, not easier? Just trust each other. Everything will fall into place if you do.

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By *inksAPlentyCouple
over a year ago

Bedfordshire

You might want to read The Ethical Slut - it's a great read.

I don't think that jealousy is inevitable, but you clearly have some worries so make sure you keep communicating.

Unlike the previous couple who have replied, we do have boundaries. This works for us. You need to figure out what works for you.

If you're not ready for full swap then don't do it yet.

Ms x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Jealousy isn't inevitable. My personal opinion is that if you need to suppress or 'get past' certain feelings in order to do this then it's not right.

Don't over analyse it, have the attitude that it's something you experience together rather than as individuals who are in the same situation and you'll be ok

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talk, talk and talk some more.

Chat about fantasies together, about boundaries, maybe even a safe word if becoming uncomfortable.

Take your time, there's no rush, get to know one another first, understand your weaknesses, how to please one another, etc etc.

To know one another well can lead to a greater trust.

Take your time, enjoy getting to know one another before involving others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Enjoy each other far more than swinging, at least to start with and rules...sit down and think of scenarios and how you'd feel, come together and set bounderies and then you can revise as you go on. Soft swing to full swing, no kissing to kissing etc. Good luck and if its ment to be you have nothing to worry about x

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By *ack and jill 76Couple
over a year ago

Neath

I'm in sane boat net here married fir 3 years now back a few week how do we start

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By *ust Ms LovinWoman
over a year ago

birmingham


"Hello lovelies. Met and unexpectedly started a serious relationship with a man I met at a club, both willing to bring fab and swinging life into our relationship but with no experience would love to hear from other couples how they manage the inevitable jealousy etc! I’m aware it takes a lot of respect and trust there are so many stories of when it fails but would love to hear couples successes as we want to be able to have our cake and eat it "

There’s no room for jealousy in swinging

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By *aige675Woman
over a year ago

North of London


"Hello lovelies. Met and unexpectedly started a serious relationship with a man I met at a club, both willing to bring fab and swinging life into our relationship but with no experience would love to hear from other couples how they manage the inevitable jealousy etc! I’m aware it takes a lot of respect and trust there are so many stories of when it fails but would love to hear couples successes as we want to be able to have our cake and eat it "

Talk about it lots, what do you both want from it. What boundaries you would put in place. Are you going to do it as a couple or possibly venture off and have separate meets too?( this probably not one to begin with) try and get out to clubs and get a feel for it. A lot of the time, new couples find out what swinging isn't when they go to clubs, and that's a good thing. Chat ot other couples at socials, or event organisers.I understand potentially waiting and working on the two of you but I have seen couple become monogamous or believe their relationship to be so, and then BAM all of a sudden one of you wants to go out and start swinging. Make it part of your life style even if it's just talking and discussing so it's nice a relaxed. I have seen a lot of broken hearts when it favours one and not the other.

If you think that perhaps you would be up for it more than your partner or the other way round then walk away before it becomes too painful for either of you. As this is something you are both open about then you have to start somewhere. Don't become complacent, don't disregard your partners feelings or reservations, don't be selfish. It has to work for you both whatever the balance.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I met my other half here almost 7 years ago ,we took some time away for us first ,then came back to swinging as a couple.

Make sure you're both open and honest about what you want out of this.Set boundaries and stick to these and don't ever do anything that makes the other person uncomfortable

As someone else said ,keep talking to each other.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Also make a joint profile op if you're going to be looking for other couples ,with pics of both of you on (if you haven't already).

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By *ilf and old fartCouple
over a year ago

Between Ely and Mildenhall

We met at a sex party in 2013 and have been together ever since. We only swing as a couple and it's always same room fun. This isn't down to a lack of trust in each other but due to a bad experience Milf had before we met.

We both respect each others likes, wants and desires. It's all about trusting each other and not taking advantage of our relationship

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By *he_magiciansCouple
over a year ago

Telford

We met on a kik group, both coming from unhappy marriages. When we discussed swinging and playing with others we talked about it for a long time and worked out what we were both comfortable with.

For us, we prefer to play with couples and same

Room swapping (although we have played with some singles but always together), but the main rule is when one is playing so is the other one. That way no one is ever left out, and there hasn’t been any jealousy at all.

I think you need to find what works for you, and always say if you feel uncomfortable with something.

Claire xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Apologies for the late reply honestly reading peoples advice and what has worked for them and not worked has helped so much, I think it’s a little harder as we have used the site in two totally different ways and he is very popular lol

I have realised after more serious thought that while it isn’t off the table we need a stronger base and communication in the relationship, the kind that comes with time! Thank you all so much

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Definitely talk, talk and talk some more, explain what your both comfortable with, your limits and your boundaries, if anything bothers you speak openly.

Mrs

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By *aughtynottsCouple
over a year ago

Outside Nottingham

Talk about every possible eventuality and the potential outcomes.

Although we started out with the same worries as you, you soon realise no one is out to take your partner away or give them more than what you do, your a partnership and nothing can come between you whilst you have communication.

We’ve been here 15 years now with 99.9% success stories. It’s fun, it’s social, it’s what you both make it, respect yours and others boundaries and rarely does anything go wrong. All the best

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