FabSwingers.com forum: Can't stay hard

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Recently I've noticed I've struggled to stay hard during sexual activities..

I can get hard easily enough, but keeping it is the problem.

Oral is easy to get it back up standing to attention but as soon as I enter my partner, I either cum pretty quickly, or stop myself from cumming and lose the erection.

This has been happening for a couple months now. We used to have a very good sex life, over the past few years its not been as it was, we have had some stressful times but in general, we're happy together and both enjoy sex, just not as much as we used to. And now when we do, I'm struggling.

My biggest problem is whether it's all in my head? How is it affecting my partner? What can I do?

I have recently had a vasectomy, but I'm unsure if it is related.

Has anyone else experienced the same? Any advise?

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley

Now you are liberated following your vasectomy, a bit of swinging might do the trick.

Assuming your partner knows you are into it!

I can't glean much more information from a hidden profile.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We did swing together in the past for about a year. We stopped when we were moving and never returned.

I think you could be right though, perhaps when we were swinging and doing more risqué things I was very into it and now it's a bit more tame so mentally clinging to the thrills more?

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By *evilandTheBeastCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough and Bedford

You've hidden your profile so don't know how old you are. But have you had your testosterone levels checked lately? Or are you on antidepressants?

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By *egoMan
over a year ago

Preston

I get this.

Pretty certain it’s all in my head, performance anxieties which then distract and it’s like a self fulfilling prophecy.

Same with wearing Jonnis, prone to falling off, I worry about that which causes Willy to shrink making them fall off etc.

Recently I had two girls, very in to me, I had no time to ponder anything other than enjoy myself and low and behold, my penis performed admirably.

What happens if you pop a blue pill?

Have you ever had your testosterone levels checked?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm only 30.

Never had testosterone levels checked and never been on any medication.

I'd like to say I'm an average healthy guy, I go to the gym and eat fairly healthy.. I could eat more fruit and veg and less takeaways, granted.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I get this.

Pretty certain it’s all in my head, performance anxieties which then distract and it’s like a self fulfilling prophecy.

Same with wearing Jonnis, prone to falling off, I worry about that which causes Willy to shrink making them fall off etc.

Recently I had two girls, very in to me, I had no time to ponder anything other than enjoy myself and low and behold, my penis performed admirably.

What happens if you pop a blue pill?

Have you ever had your testosterone levels checked?"

I've never tried the blue pill, have made a joke to my partner about trying though which doesn't seem so much like a joke anymore!

As previous comment, no I haven't had testosterone levels checked.

Do you think the new experience with others helped??

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By *atonMan
over a year ago

barnet

There are lots of foods that will help with your problem..garlic asparagus pomegranate the juice is amazing from waitrose. Ginger and zinc . Weights or resistance training will keep your t levels high

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By *egoMan
over a year ago

Preston

It’s worth a shot, plenty of viagra available everywhere for an experiment at least.

Again worth a shot checking your test levels.

It did, it stopped my ability to overthink. There’s so many possible causes.

Heck you could even try a cock ring.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It’s worth a shot, plenty of viagra available everywhere for an experiment at least.

Again worth a shot checking your test levels.

It did, it stopped my ability to overthink. There’s so many possible causes.

Heck you could even try a cock ring. "

I'm due a visit soon so will ask them to check my levels whilst there.

I have a cock ring but never really used it so worth a shot!

Thank you

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By *antra MassageMan
over a year ago

South Side.

It's possible that your recent vasectomy is influencing your cock. A lot goes on in a man's head around vasectomy, from the physical procedure, post op pain, and knowing you're no longer fertile. And you've had some stress in your life. So, yes, it might be all in your head, but your head affects your cock, and it becomes a circle of Ed, lack of confidence, loss of arousal.

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

local, but not too local

All of the above, but try a silicone cock ring and regular exercise, even if it’s just a brisk walk.

Maybe not together.

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By *izzy.miss.lizzyCouple
over a year ago

Pembrokeshire

talk to the GP, see if there are any meds that might help?

get a cock ring

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"All of the above, but try a silicone cock ring and regular exercise, even if it’s just a brisk walk.

Maybe not together. "

Thank you for the suggestion. I will do as advised! And yes, definitely not at the same time lol!

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Their are things that can be bought online that has the same ingredients as Viagra

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By *andlingswingersCouple
over a year ago

Woodbridge

But beware what happened to the man in the joke:

Man goes to doctor saying things have gone a bit off the boil with his wife, lately. Well, maybe for a while, really. About a year, doctor.

Doctor asks if he smokes. Yes, he does.

Doctor asks if he drinks regularly. Well, yes doctor, probably a bit over the recommended minimum.

Exercise? Well actually doc, not as much as I ought to.

The doctor does his heartrate, blood pressure, has a good listen to his chest and says there's nothing much wrong with him that a bit of exercise won't cure. Make sure to walk 5 miles a day, call back in a week and we'll probably find things have sorted themselves out.

Thank-you very much, doctor, says the man and off he goes.

The phone rings at the Surgery a week later. "Doctor, I've done all that walking you told me to do. I haven't d*unk any alcohol at all this week and I've given up smoking."

"That's good news," said the doctor. "And how are things with your wife?"

"How would I know?" said the voice on the phone, "I'm 35 miles from home."

Thanyew vermuch I'll be here all week laydeezangenmen. It'll seem like longer though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You'll find this isn't as uncommon or embarassing as most might think.

Of course there's numerous reasons, we're all different so don't presume anything just yet & don't waste time on google. It could easily just be stress related & the more you worry about it the worse it'll get.

Best thing is have a word with your doctor. At your age they'll usually arrange a few tests & go from there.

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By *akie32Man
over a year ago

winchester

sounds to me like its mainly in your head, try to relax and just enjoy the moment, and if you go soft, dont stress, just find another way to get your lady off, that might help the pressure

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By *Xtriple7Couple
over a year ago

N Peterborough.

If you enjoy walking to porn then I'd advise taking a break for at least 6 months.

Hard wanking & porn can adversely affect the brain. Cock is desensitised due to hand grip and brain requires loads to visuals to keep things going.

Funny thing the mind, when I first met Mrs I could easily shag her to an orgasm and more and not finish myself. Don't know how I did it.

Nowadays it's a battle to hang on while making sure she gets 'there' too.

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By *izandpaulCouple
over a year ago

merseyside

I know you may find it difficult but try to have a chat with your GP.

You will be amazed how many others do, you may feel you are the first to ask, you're not.

Maybe ask for an on line consultation if you find face to face a tad daunting.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had the snip a few years back and it proper messed with my head. Made me feel less of a man. Turns out it was the partner that I was with that was making me unhappy. Found my little Nicky and discovered I was still horny and able to perform. Essentially, I found cock problems were mental and could be changed by changing what was making me unhappy. Blue pills are good though and you can get them online or at Tesco's these days! M

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Try some pelvic floor exercises do them regularly if unsure check online posture is very important

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you enjoy walking to porn then I'd advise taking a break for at least 6 months.

Hard wanking & porn can adversely affect the brain. Cock is desensitised due to hand grip and brain requires loads to visuals to keep things going.

Funny thing the mind, when I first met Mrs I could easily shag her to an orgasm and more and not finish myself. Don't know how I did it.

Nowadays it's a battle to hang on while making sure she gets 'there' too.

This rings true, I have probably had a few more tugs than normal due to not having sex as much as I used to and it has probably made me more desensitised. I will try and break habit!

Totally agree with you, even now when I tend to finish first but make sure I make sure she gets there before calling it a day!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I had the snip a few years back and it proper messed with my head. Made me feel less of a man. Turns out it was the partner that I was with that was making me unhappy. Found my little Nicky and discovered I was still horny and able to perform. Essentially, I found cock problems were mental and could be changed by changing what was making me unhappy. Blue pills are good though and you can get them online or at Tesco's these days! M "

I wouldn't say I feel less of a man but I get that's what a lot of people think.

Still horny just as ever but it can be the same routine when having sex so having a bit more spice again should help top.

The pill is a plan I've wanted to try even before all this!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Recently I've noticed I've struggled to stay hard during sexual activities..

I can get hard easily enough, but keeping it is the problem.

Oral is easy to get it back up standing to attention but as soon as I enter my partner, I either cum pretty quickly, or stop myself from cumming and lose the erection.

My biggest problem is whether it's all in my head? How is it affecting my partner? What can I do?

I have recently had a vasectomy, but I'm unsure if it is related.

Has anyone else experienced the same? Any advise? "

I had the snip many years ago and still able to perform so don't think it is connected.

Many years later I now have same symptoms.

Gets up ok but won't stay up. I use a cock ring it definitely helps me

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By *unx2019Couple
over a year ago

Moray

"If you enjoy walking to porn then I'd advise taking a break for at least 6 months.

Hard wanking & porn can adversely affect the brain. Cock is desensitised due to hand grip and brain requires loads to visuals to keep things going.

Funny thing the mind, when I first met Mrs I could easily shag her to an orgasm and more and not finish myself. Don't know how I did it.

Nowadays it's a battle to hang on while making sure she gets 'there' too.

Quite agree with this. Had a break from our relationship and ended up watching tons or porn and the effects are exactly as described. Takes a while to drop expectations of real sex and just relax and enjoy the moment without much expectations and go with the flow and enjoy.

Problem with blue pill is that can become reliant on it then start having worries about not being able to perform without it!

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By *apperMystiqueMan
over a year ago

east Glasgow

Your right about your Nicky looking at her photos made my cock hard too

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Recently I've noticed I've struggled to stay hard during sexual activities..

I can get hard easily enough, but keeping it is the problem.

Oral is easy to get it back up standing to attention but as soon as I enter my partner, I either cum pretty quickly, or stop myself from cumming and lose the erection.

My biggest problem is whether it's all in my head? How is it affecting my partner? What can I do?

I have recently had a vasectomy, but I'm unsure if it is related.

Has anyone else experienced the same? Any advise?

I had the snip many years ago and still able to perform so don't think it is connected.

Many years later I now have same symptoms.

Gets up ok but won't stay up. I use a cock ring it definitely helps me "

Thank you, I have one that acts as a plug too already that I haven't really used but I've ordered another couple to test them out!

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By *astsussexMan
over a year ago

7dials brighton

I have the same problem when taking strong allergy tablets. I’m pretty sure it’s connected even though it’s not listed as side effects. I’m now on prep and I think it’s slightly affecting it too. So check if u have any med that cud interfere with your hard on

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By *urga2076Woman
over a year ago

London

I urge you to get to a mens hormone doctor as fast as you can. Don’t waste precious time avoiding this subject or pretending it’s not happening. Believe me from experience, it isn’t fair on your partner not to face this fully together x

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By *urga2076Woman
over a year ago

London

Also there’s a good forum for men called Frank chat. It’s a shame they don’t want the opinion of women on there…. But it’s a starting point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How is your relationship with porn consumption? It's an issue not many talk about, but just Google 'PIED' Porn-induced erectile dysfunction so affecting alot of young men. Just my 2 cents

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Article in Men's Health recently if you can find it online. Linked your issue to testerone levels , might be worth getting checked

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How is your relationship with porn consumption? It's an issue not many talk about, but just Google 'PIED' Porn-induced erectile dysfunction so affecting alot of young men. Just my 2 cents

Sounds about right, I'm sure I watch too much. I'm cutting down heavily and fast so hoping it makes a difference

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I urge you to get to a mens hormone doctor as fast as you can. Don’t waste precious time avoiding this subject or pretending it’s not happening. Believe me from experience, it isn’t fair on your partner not to face this fully together x"

I completely agree, I feel awful as she thinks it could be her and then it's a cycle.

I do have an appointment soon so I'm hoping I get some clarification.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're otherwise healthy it can definitely be in the mind.

The mind is a funny thing - years ago in Amsterdam I ended up with a stripper after a night out and could not get it up for love nor money - my mind just couldn't do it when it knew she wasn't into me in real life and this would be a business transaction. It was embarrassing and horrible, but I just spent the night giving her oral and rimming which is my favourite things to do anyway so it was fine, but I now fear a no show from the wee man in a standard encounter and thats terrifying and always at the back of my mind to be honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talk to your doctor. This can happen for so many reasons and at any age, so could be worth getting checked out.

If they suggest the blue pill, start off with half of one and make sure you drink plenty. They guys I know who take it, only have half and it works great, but get headaches if they don't drink enough.

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By *dysseusukMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

"I'm only 30.

Never had testosterone levels checked and never been on any medication.

I'd like to say I'm an average healthy guy, I go to the gym and eat fairly healthy.. I could eat more fruit and veg and less takeaways, granted. "

I had problems in my early 30s for a couple of years after a difficult relationship and destructive unhealthy behaviours (linked issues). It's in your 30s when you need to start looking after your body more, which also improves your emotional and mental health. Getting into the gym regularly , stopping smoking, drank far less alcohol, better diet etc all solved the problem, and in my late 40s my erections are as hard and sustained as they have ever been. Look after your body and your mind, and you'll be fine. Every guy goes through erection issues at some stage and it can happen at any age - but unless it's a serious medical problem, then you'll be fine. 30s are the danger time though. Be careful with the eating fairly healthy comment - healthy needs to be a lifestyle, not just eating fewer takeways - drop the takeaways completely, take 3 months off from alcohol, gym 5 times a week, 30 minute sessions, 10-15,000 steps a day, and the hardness of your erection will be back in no time.

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By *dysseusukMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

"How is your relationship with porn consumption? It's an issue not many talk about, but just Google 'PIED' Porn-induced erectile dysfunction so affecting alot of young men. Just my 2 cents

Sounds about right, I'm sure I watch too much. I'm cutting down heavily and fast so hoping it makes a difference"

I'm a heavy consumer of porn, but find long sessions of edging, actually improve my erection stamina. Yes, you can be desensitised if you let it, but nothing ever replaces the touch of a real woman you find attractive. I'd start with improving all areas of your physical, emotional and mental health, but it could also be that maybe the sexual chemistry in the relationship isn't quite right either. I found that in my 20s, i was a walking hard on, but from my 30s onwards, the mind became a more important part of sexual attraction - for a guy don't underestimate the adjustment that requires in who you are attracted to sexually at that time of your life. But ultimately, it will be about taking care of body and mind more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bloody hell this thread still on the go?

Don't waste your time listening to the experts on here, everyone has their own experiences, opinions & such but at the end of the day it's different for each individual. Causes, reasons, etc, down to each individual. Whay causes stress for one person may not be the same for you. Too much wanking for one person may not be the cause or issue for someone else. Get what I'm saying?

Save anymore time. Pop down to your doctor & have a nice friendly chat. Get checked out, put your mind & worries at ease, get some help & before you know it everything will be hunky dory again!

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

"I'm only 30.

Never had testosterone levels checked and never been on any medication.

I'd like to say I'm an average healthy guy, I go to the gym and eat fairly healthy.. I could eat more fruit and veg and less takeaways, granted. "

Maybe fab isn't the best place to ask for advice but your doctor may be able to shed some light with tests etc.

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