FabSwingers.com forum: IVF

By *ig jugs OP Woman
over a year ago

somewhere

has anyone gone thru IVF...ive been told i have to wait 4 yrs for it...il be 38 by then...gutted isnt the word....i dont think id feel like a woman if i cant bear a child and be a mum

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By *am sampsonMan
over a year ago

cwmbran

"has anyone gone thru IVF...ive been told i have to wait 4 yrs for it...il be 38 by then...gutted isnt the word....i dont think id feel like a woman if i cant bear a child and be a mum

Feel for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little dog? thats if you like animals.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear that you're having trouble conceiving!

My sis in law took ages to conceive, she was on the waiting list for IVF. In the mean time she stopped trying, I think as she knew help was on the way. She got a great new job and put having a baby right to the back of her mind.

She's now 3 months pregnant and it came completely out of the blue. I've heard that with other women that had been trying for ages too, once they stop trying, it happens.

38 isn't too old to have a child. I had my first at 17 and my last at 34, I have to say that I enjoy being an older mum so much more. Charlie's mum was the same , she was 17 when she had Charlie and nearly 50 when she had his brother. She says the same about being an older mum.

I genuinely hope everything works out for you naturally, but if it doesn't happen then there are so many other ways to be a mum and lots of children that need to be loved.

You will be a mum one day and your child will be all the more loved and cherished for the wait you have had.

Hugs

Molly

I really wish you all the luck in the world

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By *ustyWoman
over a year ago

inverclyde

am 53 and have one daughter just turned 15, i know its hard but they do say to stop trying, relax and a new job or a new house does work, good luck amyway and dont give up the hope of natural

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By *ouplefunukCouple
over a year ago

North Bristol

Sadly we have just gone through 2 rounds of IVF. One cancelled on the day of egg collection and the other, successful but I miscarried (I would have been 20 weeks yesterday

)

Sadly, we can't afford any more goes.

Anyway, it's tough, it's emotional, it will completely take over your life and screw you up. But that's completely normal.

PM me if you want someone to vent at. I still scream and cry regularly. It's a shit card we've been dealt.

*Her*

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By *ouplefunukCouple
over a year ago

North Bristol

"Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little dog? thats if you like animals."

Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little brain?

How the hell is a dog anywhere near creating life, carrying it, feeling it move inside you then giving birth to it and watching it grow? Or not being able to.

Bit harsh maybe? Really - think before you post?

I've had some shitty things said to me during my almost 3 years of infertility but the only way people will learn is if we speak up and say 'that hurts' or 'that's really not cricket'

I'm sorry - but that really wasn't cricket.

*Her*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little dog? thats if you like animals.

Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little brain?

How the hell is a dog anywhere near creating life, carrying it, feeling it move inside you then giving birth to it and watching it grow? Or not being able to.

Bit harsh maybe? Really - think before you post?

I've had some shitty things said to me during my almost 3 years of infertility but the only way people will learn is if we speak up and say 'that hurts' or 'that's really not cricket'

I'm sorry - but that really wasn't cricket.

*Her*"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little dog? thats if you like animals.

Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little brain?

How the hell is a dog anywhere near creating life, carrying it, feeling it move inside you then giving birth to it and watching it grow? Or not being able to.

Bit harsh maybe? Really - think before you post?

I've had some shitty things said to me during my almost 3 years of infertility but the only way people will learn is if we speak up and say 'that hurts' or 'that's really not cricket'

I'm sorry - but that really wasn't cricket.

*Her*"

I have a son and a little dog, i love them both the same, is that so hard to understand?

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By *ig jugs OP Woman
over a year ago

somewhere

are u on the nhs waiting list also...i cud go private but i cant afford it....i im not allowed to adopt or foster because of my carreer which really sucks and i may fight that decision....but ur right it doesnt make up for the experience of having ur own child...life can be cruel at times but im not at the angry,bitter stage yet...the ironic thing is my sister spits 2 babies out at a time...2 sets of twins au naturall...lol

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By *ouplefunukCouple
over a year ago

North Bristol

I have a son and a little dog, i love them both the same, is that so hard to understand?"

Hands up, I bit, and perhaps I shouldn't have but talking about such an emotive subject when it's clearly not something you understand in such a trivial manner is going to get a reaction.

Your comment brought me to tears and I am actually shaking with anger and disbelief.

*Her*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little dog? thats if you like animals.

Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little brain?

How the hell is a dog anywhere near creating life, carrying it, feeling it move inside you then giving birth to it and watching it grow? Or not being able to.

Bit harsh maybe? Really - think before you post?

I've had some shitty things said to me during my almost 3 years of infertility but the only way people will learn is if we speak up and say 'that hurts' or 'that's really not cricket'

I'm sorry - but that really wasn't cricket.

*Her*

I have a son and a little dog, i love them both the same, is that so hard to understand?"

You love your son and your dog the same? Actually I have to say that is VERY hard to understand!! I love ,y pets but would give the, up in a second it if ,y kids were even allergic11

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You love your son and your dog the same? Actually I have to say that is VERY hard to understand!! I love ,y pets but would give the, up in a second it if ,y kids were even allergic11"

what's happened to my mmmmm's

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By *ouplefunukCouple
over a year ago

North Bristol

"are u on the nhs waiting list also...i cud go private but i cant afford it....i im not allowed to adopt or foster because of my carreer which really sucks and i may fight that decision....but ur right it doesnt make up for the experience of having ur own child...life can be cruel at times but im not at the angry,bitter stage yet...the ironic thing is my sister spits 2 babies out at a time...2 sets of twins au naturall...lol"

I guess we were 'lucky' there was no waiting list where we live. We only got one go though (they didn't count the first go as it didn't get to completion)

I'm nearly at menopause (prematurely) so I responded poorly to the full dose of drugs so unfortunately only had 3 eggs collected and only 2 fertilised which they put back in. As there were no embies left to freeze, that's our one go gone.

The Nice guidelines state a couple should get 3 goes but each PCT decides themselves.

We're now left trying on our own with less than 1% chance of it happening naturally for us. We're saving but at £5.5k a go, it'll be a long time before we can afford it.

What was your diagnosis? There are things you can do to improve your chances depending on what the diagnosis is. The NHS aren't interested in that though so you have to find the answers yourself. Let me know if you want to chat.

*Her*

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By *ig jugs OP Woman
over a year ago

somewhere

well its £2.500 a go here can rise to £3.500 though and we get 2 goes on nhs...il pm u what it is i have wrong..

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

[Removed by poster at 07/02/12 20:28:27]

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

"Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little dog? thats if you like animals.

Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little brain?

How the hell is a dog anywhere near creating life, carrying it, feeling it move inside you then giving birth to it and watching it grow? Or not being able to.

Bit harsh maybe? Really - think before you post?

I've had some shitty things said to me during my almost 3 years of infertility but the only way people will learn is if we speak up and say 'that hurts' or 'that's really not cricket'

I'm sorry - but that really wasn't cricket.

*Her*

I have a son and a little dog, i love them both the same, is that so hard to understand?"

Yes totally impossible to understand to be honest with you....

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple
over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY

"Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little dog? thats if you like animals.

Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little brain?

How the hell is a dog anywhere near creating life, carrying it, feeling it move inside you then giving birth to it and watching it grow? Or not being able to.

Bit harsh maybe? Really - think before you post?

I've had some shitty things said to me during my almost 3 years of infertility but the only way people will learn is if we speak up and say 'that hurts' or 'that's really not cricket'

I'm sorry - but that really wasn't cricket.

*Her*"

well said

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By *edriderCouple
over a year ago

glasgow

I really feel for you, my sister in law is in same position. dont worry about being an older mum mine was 40 when she had me and she says i keep her youthful xx

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple
over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY

"Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little dog? thats if you like animals.

Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little brain?

How the hell is a dog anywhere near creating life, carrying it, feeling it move inside you then giving birth to it and watching it grow? Or not being able to.

Bit harsh maybe? Really - think before you post?

I've had some shitty things said to me during my almost 3 years of infertility but the only way people will learn is if we speak up and say 'that hurts' or 'that's really not cricket'

I'm sorry - but that really wasn't cricket.

*Her*

I have a son and a little dog, i love them both the same, is that so hard to understand?"

feels so sorry for your son

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

[Removed by poster at 07/02/12 20:38:31]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little dog? thats if you like animals."

There is the odd statement in these forums that make me literally go 'WTF ?'

and sorry legs but that was one of them.

I have no doubt that it was meant with best intentions, but it was at best insensitive.

Let's be positive though - the reactions to the comment will hopefully show the OP that she (and other people in her position) has the support of the forumites at what is a difficult and devastating time for her.

Sadly the support cannot solve her problem, but I hope it offers her a smidgeon of solace even if it is in the longer term.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little dog? thats if you like animals.

Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little brain?

How the hell is a dog anywhere near creating life, carrying it, feeling it move inside you then giving birth to it and watching it grow? Or not being able to.

Bit harsh maybe? Really - think before you post?

I've had some shitty things said to me during my almost 3 years of infertility but the only way people will learn is if we speak up and say 'that hurts' or 'that's really not cricket'

I'm sorry - but that really wasn't cricket.

*Her*

I have a son and a little dog, i love them both the same, is that so hard to understand?"
I hope your joking? How can you say any human being is equal to an animal? My mind is boggling?

To the OP, it must be very hard for you both....i dont want to sound patronising, but you have my good wishes and empathy xx

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little dog? thats if you like animals.

Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little brain?

How the hell is a dog anywhere near creating life, carrying it, feeling it move inside you then giving birth to it and watching it grow? Or not being able to.

Bit harsh maybe? Really - think before you post?

I've had some shitty things said to me during my almost 3 years of infertility but the only way people will learn is if we speak up and say 'that hurts' or 'that's really not cricket'

I'm sorry - but that really wasn't cricket.

*Her*

I have a son and a little dog, i love them both the same, is that so hard to understand?"

there are not many times I am truly lost for words......

good luck and my very best to all who so long for their own xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well my sons in his thirties and he cried when we had to have our dog put down two years ago, she was part of the family. He took her to the vet for me because i was so upset.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"Well my sons in his thirties and he cried when we had to have our dog put down two years ago, she was part of the family. He took her to the vet for me because i was so upset."
and your point is? I dont get it....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well my sons in his thirties and he cried when we had to have our dog put down two years ago, she was part of the family. He took her to the vet for me because i was so upset."

that is understandable

pets do become a part of a family

but it still doesn't equate to your initial comment which was ill timed and insensitive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well my sons in his thirties and he cried when we had to have our dog put down two years ago, she was part of the family. He took her to the vet for me because i was so upset.and your point is? I dont get it....

Thats ok.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Well my sons in his thirties and he cried when we had to have our dog put down two years ago, she was part of the family. He took her to the vet for me because i was so upset."

sorry to hear you lost your dog, it is sad.... but least you had your own flesh and blood to comfort you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a son and a little dog, i love them both the same, is that so hard to understand?

Hands up, I bit, and perhaps I shouldn't have but talking about such an emotive subject when it's clearly not something you understand in such a trivial manner is going to get a reaction.

Your comment brought me to tears and I am actually shaking with anger and disbelief.

*Her*"

Got to say, I found that kind of insensitive and I'm not involved in the issue.

You may feel that way, but when someone wants a child and can't have one I can imagine nothing compares to how hard that feels and while I think the post was well meant it's a bit like saying I'm sorry you lost your mum but at least you've still got your dad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not being funny, but have you thought about getting a little dog? thats if you like animals."

This is right up there with the stupidest comments it's been my misfortune to read on these forums.

What a thoughtless thing to write.

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By *ouplefunukCouple
over a year ago

North Bristol

Poor attempt. I'm infertile and lost my cat during my first round of treatment last year.

I loved my cat but the pain of my infertility far outweighs everything I went through when she died.

My cat died, she wasn't coming back. I cried, I grieved, I got over it eventually.

The pain of infertility is like grieving, except you never get over it. Every month there's that hope. Maybe this month. Then comes the crushing pain, the pain that almost makes you want to end it all when you realise for the 30th moth in a row it hasn't happened and probably never will. Then you start to get your hopes up again as a new month rolls in. Then the wound opens up again at the end of the month. On and on it goes. Month after month, year after year. Infertile people have no peace.

I fail to sympathize or understand how you can compare this to having/losing a pet.

*Her*

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Having miscarried its not nice... I conceived naturally was told at 19 I'd never have kids... I hope I get a second chance. x

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

Ok, I've read all the posts and I'm probably going to be shot down in flames for this but..... here goes.

The 'little dog' comment was obviously meant with the best intentions. Possibly not the best time to put that up, but maybe some people do feel the loss of a pet as desperately as perhaps someone who can't bare a child. So..... the beration on the person who put that post up is probably totally uncalled for..... insensitive yes...... but perhaps, those that desperately love their animals on here are thinking... ok, it's not a substitute but it can help to easy the pain by having something to love and to help grow.

I don't really know, I'm speaking as I see and as I'm not an animal lover, I'm hypothesising.

The OP's comment about not feeling like a woman if she can't bare a child......

It takes a real woman to raise a child, not to bare one. To teach a child right from wrong, to feed themselves, to become self sufficient, to nurse them when they are ill, to help them grow into toddlers, small children, teenagers and then adults is the true sign of a woman....... to then let them go, knowing you have done your very best to give them the best start possible is what it's all about.

I heard once that we do not own our children, we have just borrowed them for another generation.

With that in mind...... and probably getting my arse whiped for this, has anyone who is childless ever thought about adopting from another country. There are thousands of children out there who desperately need a loving home. They may not be babies but they still need the love, strength and guidance from people who are prepared to give a child everything to help them grow.

Also, I know many want babies, but what about older children who need foster homes. A child may not be yours biologically but you can become a 'mum' through perseverance and love.

I fostered a teenager when my daughters where the same age. She went on to get a degree, get a good job, a good relationship, her own house and I still see her and my heart always swells with pride that I helped her get there by just being a mum when she didn't have one.

I am very lucky, I have 3 grown children, a stepson and a grandson and I have never known the pain of not being able to conceive and although I have tried to put myself into the Op's shoes, it's impossible.

I do hope you get what you desire but if thats not possible, is there anything else that could help heal the gap that not having a child is leaving?

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By *ig jugs OP Woman
over a year ago

somewhere

I agree with everything you said actually....i personally wouldnt want to foster or adopt until i had exhausted all my other options of concieving myself..the feeling of a baby growing inside you...giving birth..its the whole process you lonf got not just the baby at the end of it..Im only 33 but if i were 40 and was told theres no way id ever have my own the i would look into adoption...but just not yet.i feel thats years away for me...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"has anyone gone thru IVF...ive been told i have to wait 4 yrs for it...il be 38 by then...gutted isnt the word....i dont think id feel like a woman if i cant bear a child and be a mum

yes i know of a couple who are good friends that went private. 7k and they were sadly unsuccesful. They are both 41 and didnt want to wait. As you are 34 i would say you are more fortunate to have some time on your side.

My friends have been together 5 years and wanted to wait until they got married (18 months ago) before trying to conceive naturally.

Im not being funny and i may have missed it in this thread but not sure if you have been trying with your partner or what your situation is, but i wish you well

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

I had it and paid for it so had it as soon as i decided, you shouldn't rely on the nhs for this in my opinion, good luck, Z

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" im not allowed to adopt or foster because of my carreer which really sucks and i may fight that decision.... "

WTF!!!!!! Are you a professional child molester or something!!!?????? I can't believe people who long to have a child are discriminated against for that!!!!! No wonder this country is f***ed!!!!

OP..... Much love to you, never give up hope x

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

I know people will complain about this but Im going to say again....

I think some subjects are just too sensitive to be discussed on a swinging site! Some people will say things maybe with the best of intentions but will soon find that they have just inflamed an already very emotional subject! Whilst I do feel for the OP (a lot) I still think that she would be better seeking advice and solace from others whether it be from her nearest and dearest or a more suitable site like those who offer ivf support. The www is a wonderful thing. Use it properly and it can give education and comfort in wonderful ways but use it illadvisedly and it will bring heartache and fury!

Freedom of speech means that you are free to post on any subject I just think some subjects are just not suited to swinging sites. Posters beware!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chin up, I was forty when I had titch. I am friends with a couple who had IVF treatment too, her own eggs and donor sperm when she was in her mid thirties. She has two lovely twin girls. I know the pain and hurting she went through each month. I do hope those waiting and hoping for IVF get it and are successful. xxx

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By *ig jugs OP Woman
over a year ago

somewhere

i dont think any subject is taboo or not suitable for a swingers site as this is the lounge board not the swingers one...i wasnt hurt on enraged by any comments and it was my thread...so u may think its too insensitive but as me the poster and who asked for advice and got it then no im not sorry i did it and would do it again....do you think i havent discussed it with my family and close friends...course i have...considering i only found all this out yesterday and have no clue where to go or what to join or read then this was a safe place and as good a place as any to at least start the ball rolling and ive now had some private mails with better directions to turn to...so its all good....its the same old chestnut im afraid ...if u dont like a thread then do not comment on it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"has anyone gone thru IVF...ive been told i have to wait 4 yrs for it...il be 38 by then...gutted isnt the word....i dont think id feel like a woman if i cant bear a child and be a mum

Sorry to hear its effecting you emotionally, unfortunately there is a suspicion that they give such long times into forcing you to go private. If you can find the money its not ideal but will get you a quicker solution although its not really fair for you to have to resort to it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Life is unfair. After my son died my arms felt so empty I don't know how I survived that crushing loss.

I knew I could have other children. I honestly don't know how I'd have coped if I couldn't.

My heart goes out to those hoping to become parents.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"has anyone gone thru IVF...ive been told i have to wait 4 yrs for it...il be 38 by then...gutted isnt the word....i dont think id feel like a woman if i cant bear a child and be a mum

Wanted to send u a message privately but I cant - it wont let me - am really really thinking of u - big hugs xxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i dont think any subject is taboo or not suitable for a swingers site as this is the lounge board not the swingers one...i wasnt hurt on enraged by any comments and it was my thread...so u may think its too insensitive but as me the poster and who asked for advice and got it then no im not sorry i did it and would do it again....do you think i havent discussed it with my family and close friends...course i have...considering i only found all this out yesterday and have no clue where to go or what to join or read then this was a safe place and as good a place as any to at least start the ball rolling and ive now had some private mails with better directions to turn to...so its all good....its the same old chestnut im afraid ...if u dont like a thread then do not comment on it

I agree, I don't think there should be taboo threads, unless they break site ruled.

It makes a change from the interminable "would you fuck...' threads.

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

From my point of _iew it isnt a case of not liking it and not commenting as I am not the one with the problem with other posters being insensitive. Im simply saying that if sensitive subjects are posted on a site where people arent going through the same thing be prepared for maybe some things posted that could offend or upset. I read that a poster was crying and shaking with rage and thought that maybe this was not the right place for such a discussion. I also mentioned that of course people are free to post what they want but beware of the comments that may follow. I never saw a thread that upset me personally, but then I _iew this business of a little lighthearted entertainment. Personally not keen on spilling out my agony in public where anyone on the web can read it but thats just my own personal _iew. I realise that some take solace from others online and good luck to them. Just human nature I guess. I see that someone is genuinely upset and dont like it.

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By *ig jugs OP Woman
over a year ago

somewhere

well for one i did not air my dirty laundry in public...i only said i need IVF no details and for seconds...i did not upset that person...you cannot blame my post for that...you are the one with the problem with it so maybe then you should refrain from reading or commenting again as no other person has complained...infact they all have been supportive which is what matters surely???

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By *ig jugs OP Woman
over a year ago

somewhere

you can post a joke on here and someone will take offense so what i posted makes no difference... infact it helped me no end....maybe think of that....if posts turn sour then its not the posters or their topics fault its those who get involved...rant over...

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

Ok, maybe I have not put what I am trying to say in the right way.... you have every right to post anything you want. You are not responsible for what other people may post. What you say in public is your own affair and I in no way think it is dirty laundry. I really do feel for you and others in your position. Not trying to inflame you or anyone else. Others reading this posting are clearly feeling rather emotional about this subject and maybe would be better stepping away if they feel upset. Im not upset by your post at all. I simply feel bad for those who are. Im not personally holding you responsible for the words of others and wish you well at what is obviously a difficult time. Thats me out on the subject = feelings are obviously running too high. Good luck xx

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