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Saying no

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Do you feel like you have to give a reason for turning someone down on fab? Or in the big bad real world?

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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)


"Do you feel like you have to give a reason for turning someone down on fab? Or in the big bad real world?"
I know that we are not obliged to, but we always give a reason. Doesn't stop the rebound abuse sometimes though LOL, but at least 'we' did the right thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm always polite about it.

No other way to be.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I don’t bother on here unless it’s a lady. Or a couple. In real life I don’t have to.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island


"Do you feel like you have to give a reason for turning someone down on fab? Or in the big bad real world?"

Ask yourself how would you feel if someone treated you the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, I can't see how telling someone can help either of us.

Plus when a guy asks, it sounds so petulant or needy that it instantly validates my decision.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never been in that position. If she asked, I would. I think so anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's utterly irrelevant what your reason is, so long as the refusal is polite.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Do you feel like you have to give a reason for turning someone down on fab? Or in the big bad real world?

Ask yourself how would you feel if someone treated you the same"

I don’t really need to be told why. Tell me no, I respect that, that’s cool

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"No, I can't see how telling someone can help either of us.

Plus when a guy asks, it sounds so petulant or needy that it instantly validates my decision. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You shouldn't have to justify an answer of no, that should be reason enough. Nobody ever asks you why when you say yes.

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

No we just explain that they are not what we are looking for. No reason to insult or hurt their feelings.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

I have standards which I adhere to strictly, it doesn't stop me being an absolute tart though

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You shouldn't have to justify an answer of no, that should be reason enough. Nobody ever asks you why when you say yes."

Exactly!

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island


"Do you feel like you have to give a reason for turning someone down on fab? Or in the big bad real world?

Ask yourself how would you feel if someone treated you the same

I don’t really need to be told why. Tell me no, I respect that, that’s cool"

Some people don't, if you know the answer why ask the question.

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By *m3232Man
over a year ago

maidenhead

Either a straight delete of email or a no thanks not what I am looking for is fine by me.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

No.

On here there's little need. You're saying it to someone you don't know, evidently have no intention of meeting and odds are wouldn't recognise if you bumped into them in the street.

In real life you don't need to justify a decision either. If I've ever been pushed for a reason face to face ive generally just said 'because......' and left it at that.

A

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By *ycra loutMan
over a year ago

york/Scarborough

I've been turned down with no reason God knows how many times but the 2 that have turned me down and given me a polite reason as to why has made all the difference to me..so much in fact that I've replied with a thankyou for letting me know

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I just say no thankyou in the real world

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think 8t depends, if I have a rapport with someone then ill goce a reason. If its just a random message then ill just say "no thank you" and leave it at that.

It's when you start getting the "aww why?" And "let me change your mind" that it gets tedious

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Giving a reason gives the person peace of mind and stops them from wondering what they did or why they wasn't suitable. I think it's only fair.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. If they don't meet my preferences, I just delete. I only drop my filters occasionally anyway x

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By *uzzybeWoman
over a year ago

Darlington

It all depends on the message they have sent me

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

No, mostly I don't reply to those I'm not interested in unless the message really stands out. They really wouldn't want to know the reasons, most of the time it's just that I'm really not attracted to them.

On the flip side I wouldn't care if someone said no to me, nor would I especially want to know the reasons.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"No, mostly I don't reply to those I'm not interested in unless the message really stands out. They really wouldn't want to know the reasons, most of the time it's just that I'm really not attracted to them.

On the flip side I wouldn't care if someone said no to me, nor would I especially want to know the reasons. "

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I generally give a reason politely but don't feel I have to. In the real world I generally don't, unless I have got to know someone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's utterly irrelevant what your reason is, so long as the refusal is polite. "

I always give a reason. Politely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Giving a reason gives the person peace of mind and stops them from wondering what they did or why they wasn't suitable. I think it's only fair. "

Unless you are a masochist, I can't imagine why you would need to be told. "Peace of mind" is an internal issue and not the responsibility of random strangers seeking a sexual encounter. A polite "not what we are looking for" is sufficient.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you feel like you have to give a reason for turning someone down on fab? Or in the big bad real world?"

Do you mean people you’ve arranged to meet or people you just don’t want to?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you feel like you have to give a reason for turning someone down on fab? Or in the big bad real world?"

Not at all. If the person is not for you, then they are not for you. You don't need to be mean when you tell them and they shouldn't be mean back, it's just one of those things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you feel like you have to give a reason for turning someone down on fab? Or in the big bad real world?"

I don't at all.

Sometimes I will mail back most of the time I don't.

If it's a nice written message I explain I'm not meeting.

If I see a hot man I will hotlist him for the future

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We just tell them, they're not for us and delete. No reason given, no further need for discussion. Happy to (and have) receive the same. Shrug and move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have manners and are polite but 99.9999% of the people we say no thanks to, become abusive and throw the dummy out the pram.

No wonder we take a drink

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We have manners and are polite but 99.9999% of the people we say no thanks to, become abusive and throw the dummy out the pram.

No wonder we take a drink "

Look at this as having your decision thoroughly validated

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We have manners and are polite but 99.9999% of the people we say no thanks to, become abusive and throw the dummy out the pram.

No wonder we take a drink

Look at this as having your decision thoroughly validated "

Yep that's what we think

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Do you feel like you have to give a reason for turning someone down on fab? Or in the big bad real world?

Do you mean people you’ve arranged to meet or people you just don’t want to?"

Someone who’s either messaged you saying they’re interested, or maybe someone you’ve been friends with for a while who has suddenly shown interest etc.

If I had arranged a meet and I couldn’t make it I’d obviously explain why

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity


"Do you feel like you have to give a reason for turning someone down on fab? Or in the big bad real world?

Do you mean people you’ve arranged to meet or people you just don’t want to?

Someone who’s either messaged you saying they’re interested, or maybe someone you’ve been friends with for a while who has suddenly shown interest etc.

If I had arranged a meet and I couldn’t make it I’d obviously explain why "
I would have asked you months ago if you didn't live 73,000 miles away. Move nearer me

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Do you feel like you have to give a reason for turning someone down on fab? Or in the big bad real world?

Do you mean people you’ve arranged to meet or people you just don’t want to?

Someone who’s either messaged you saying they’re interested, or maybe someone you’ve been friends with for a while who has suddenly shown interest etc.

If I had arranged a meet and I couldn’t make it I’d obviously explain why

I would have asked you months ago if you didn't live 73,000 miles away. Move nearer me "

If only it were that easy

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity


"Do you feel like you have to give a reason for turning someone down on fab? Or in the big bad real world?

Do you mean people you’ve arranged to meet or people you just don’t want to?

Someone who’s either messaged you saying they’re interested, or maybe someone you’ve been friends with for a while who has suddenly shown interest etc.

If I had arranged a meet and I couldn’t make it I’d obviously explain why

I would have asked you months ago if you didn't live 73,000 miles away. Move nearer me

If only it were that easy "

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

I just say Nice but not for me, and that's the end of the conversation.

In 18 months on here I think I've had less than 5 people spit their dummy.

Not sure why other people get the abuse they do but the above works for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On here I refer them to the fact my profile says I’m not meeting.

Elsewhere it’s never happened except when I’ve ended a relationship. In the real world I’ve almost always made the first move so tend to be the rejected rather than rejector.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Like Mary Poppins: I never explain

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By *yan_alex89Man
over a year ago

Crawley

Women must get so much hassle on here that I wouldn’t blame them for not replying. It can’t get anymore simple, if someone isn’t interested, they don’t reply. The problem is people not accepting that - and that wouldn’t change if someone was polite about the rejection.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Women must get so much hassle on here that I wouldn’t blame them for not replying. It can’t get anymore simple, if someone isn’t interested, they don’t reply. The problem is people not accepting that - and that wouldn’t change if someone was polite about the rejection. "

....so do you explain why you’ve rejected someone or not?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We either say no thank you or give a reason such as they're too far or our interests aren't compatible if it's genuinely the reason.

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By *yan_alex89Man
over a year ago

Crawley


"Women must get so much hassle on here that I wouldn’t blame them for not replying. It can’t get anymore simple, if someone isn’t interested, they don’t reply. The problem is people not accepting that - and that wouldn’t change if someone was polite about the rejection.

....so do you explain why you’ve rejected someone or not?"

Ideally you could, and they would get the message. I just have a bad feeling that it opens up a dialogue in which people can be stupid. Therefore, that’s a long way around of saying, don’t let them know haha

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Women must get so much hassle on here that I wouldn’t blame them for not replying. It can’t get anymore simple, if someone isn’t interested, they don’t reply. The problem is people not accepting that - and that wouldn’t change if someone was polite about the rejection.

....so do you explain why you’ve rejected someone or not?

Ideally you could, and they would get the message. I just have a bad feeling that it opens up a dialogue in which people can be stupid. Therefore, that’s a long way around of saying, don’t let them know haha"

....so do YOU explain why you’ve rejected someone or not?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The majority of messages we receive are from people who are not compatible with our profile text.

We just politely refer them to it and add a kiss to the end for a personal touch x

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By *yan_alex89Man
over a year ago

Crawley


"Women must get so much hassle on here that I wouldn’t blame them for not replying. It can’t get anymore simple, if someone isn’t interested, they don’t reply. The problem is people not accepting that - and that wouldn’t change if someone was polite about the rejection.

....so do you explain why you’ve rejected someone or not?

Ideally you could, and they would get the message. I just have a bad feeling that it opens up a dialogue in which people can be stupid. Therefore, that’s a long way around of saying, don’t let them know haha

....so do YOU explain why you’ve rejected someone or not?"

Apologies, I’m working on being less stupid I personally would, but it may not surprise you to know I am not inundated with offers!

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"

We just politely refer them to it and add a kiss to the end for a personal touch x"

I wondered why you kept adding a kiss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

We just politely refer them to it and add a kiss to the end for a personal touch x

I wondered why you kept adding a kiss. "

That’s because we want to kiss you.

Two or more is with tongues xx

If it’s a capital X it’s a sex kiss, (on your beautiful quim).

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead


"Do you feel like you have to give a reason for turning someone down on fab? Or in the big bad real world?"

nope..... if i don't want to be met someone at that point in time, that should be good enough for them.... if they get arsey about it, thats A) not my issue, and B) vidicates why i didn't want to meet them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's surely the same in any aspect in life. Be polite always.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It's surely the same in any aspect in life. Be polite always. "

I’m pretty sure a ‘no’ is polite enough, I don’t need to be told ‘no thanks I find you ugly’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely the ladies don't have time to individually respond to 1000s of messages a day? Part of the reason I never send random messages on here

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Surely the ladies don't have time to individually respond to 1000s of messages a day? Part of the reason I never send random messages on here "

I don’t know any woman who gets 1000 messages a day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Surely the ladies don't have time to individually respond to 1000s of messages a day? Part of the reason I never send random messages on here

I don’t know any woman who gets 1000 messages a day "

Almost surely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually don't ask for or imply anything in a first message, I'm sure one in a billion "wanna fuck" messages actually works, but who's got the time to send them

An intro, a compliment and a pic should be all that's ever needed to start a conversation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

^^ obv having said that, it doesn't entitle anyone to a reply.

I pretty much reply 100% of the time but at a handful of messages a day, it's not hard

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate


"Surely the ladies don't have time to individually respond to 1000s of messages a day? Part of the reason I never send random messages on here

I don’t know any woman who gets 1000 messages a day "

I get a million a day and reply politely to them all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you feel like you have to give a reason for turning someone down on fab? Or in the big bad real world?

Ask yourself how would you feel if someone treated you the same"

I would hate it if someone replied just to say no, I feel they were rude and thought themselves better than me. I know if there is no reply that they’re not interested otherwise they’d have messaged.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Surely the ladies don't have time to individually respond to 1000s of messages a day? Part of the reason I never send random messages on here

I don’t know any woman who gets 1000 messages a day

I get a million a day and reply politely to them all "

You are a godsend x

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

I prefer the phrase ‘not even if it was made out of cake’

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I prefer the phrase ‘not even if it was made out of cake’"

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By *orseydaveMan
over a year ago

Norwich NR5

Totally agree. It seems we now live in a world wher no one gives a fuck who they upset..I see drivers everyday who drive as if they are the only ones on the road, I hear customers speak to my staff as if they are someone special and my staff are just their for their convenience.

Here on fab its the same, a few years ago it was a 'scene that attracted interesting, polite & decent members, now every jeremy kyle-style ex pitball owning treckie clothed fool thinks they invented the scene, and they bought there rudeness with them..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I reply to all messages (bar one liners or the ridiculously crude ones )

I don’t give a reason as I feel that could cause upset or offence.

I don’t like the thought that replying with a no thanks could be interpreted as me thinking I’m somehow better than them though.

I’ve only had a handful of aggressive replies in my time here, most come back and thank me for a response

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Totally agree. It seems we now live in a world wher no one gives a fuck who they upset..I see drivers everyday who drive as if they are the only ones on the road, I hear customers speak to my staff as if they are someone special and my staff are just their for their convenience.

Here on fab its the same, a few years ago it was a 'scene that attracted interesting, polite & decent members, now every jeremy kyle-style ex pitball owning treckie clothed fool thinks they invented the scene, and they bought there rudeness with them.."

....so do you let people know why you’ve rejected them? Or just leave it at ‘no thank you’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it really difficult after a social. Because sometimes I've got on really well with someone but my mind instantly friend zones them and I can't imagine fucking them but want to keep in touch with them. And its horriblE having to say I don't see you like that

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By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago

somewhere


"I find it really difficult after a social. Because sometimes I've got on really well with someone but my mind instantly friend zones them and I can't imagine fucking them but want to keep in touch with them. And its horriblE having to say I don't see you like that "

I agree, I think it's harder with people you've met face to face

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

..


"I find it really difficult after a social. Because sometimes I've got on really well with someone but my mind instantly friend zones them and I can't imagine fucking them but want to keep in touch with them. And its horriblE having to say I don't see you like that

I agree, I think it's harder with people you've met face to face"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I find it really difficult after a social. Because sometimes I've got on really well with someone but my mind instantly friend zones them and I can't imagine fucking them but want to keep in touch with them. And its horriblE having to say I don't see you like that "

We never worry about that, better to be upfront rather than string them along. We tell them at the end of the social that we will be in touch and if it's a no, will contact them shortly after to say so, thanking them for the social meet and wishing them well. Keeping in touch is unlikely to happen, although occasionally it does,generally once a guy here knows there's no sex coming, you get dropped like a hot potato. And we don't have a problem with that.

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By *tella HeelsTV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

Why do you need a reason, but I always say sorry your. It my type

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think im polite but to the point with my ‘no thx, enjoy fab’

Sadly it usually ends in a question asking why not or what have I done wrong? OR the odd pathetic but abusive response

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always do. If she or they aren't my type or I don't fancy them. I say it as I see fit.

I choose my words carefully though, I'm not that harsh

Pete xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Totally agree. It seems we now live in a world wher no one gives a fuck who they upset..I see drivers everyday who drive as if they are the only ones on the road, I hear customers speak to my staff as if they are someone special and my staff are just their for their convenience.

Here on fab its the same, a few years ago it was a 'scene that attracted interesting, polite & decent members, now every jeremy kyle-style ex pitball owning treckie clothed fool thinks they invented the scene, and they bought there rudeness with them.."

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