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Men’s issues

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By *heDesiCandi OP   TV/TS
over a year ago

Leicester

Men reveal the most difficult parts about being a man in the Independent today and some of the responses were quite heart wrenching.

Gender norms often hurt both sides, but men often suffer from not feeling able to talk about their problems.

Not sure I can share the web link - but what do you think are the down-sides of being a man? We discuss the downsides of being a woman very frequently - but what's going on with you lovely guys?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men are expected to be emotionally strong and never vulnerable to being hurt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Men are expected to be emotionally strong and never vulnerable to being hurt. "

I was never indoctrinated with those messages thankfully (plenty of other shite being brought up a Catholic, but not the male stereotypical stuff) despite my Dad adopting them himself. My Mum always encouraged me to be emotionally expressive - I’ve just become more emotionally competent with age.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Men are expected to be emotionally strong and never vulnerable to being hurt. "

Very true. The phrase "man up" is a particularly toxic one.

Guys don't have support networks in the same way that women do and that can be a hugely negative thing. 'guy of a certain age' syndrome is a very real thing and is huge contributor to mental health issues and suicide

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was also not indoctrinated in the gender stereotypes either even though my Mum and Dad lived them out, so by the time I left home I could cook, wash and iron my clothes, make a bed properly, vacuum the house, clean floors and toilets as well as a bit of DIY, car maintenance and being decent with techy stuff.

There were some things which I unconsciously absorbed being brought up and living in a patriarchal society but I don’t feel adjusting to the changes in mindset and values has been as difficult as it has for some of my peers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Men are expected to be emotionally strong and never vulnerable to being hurt.

Very true. The phrase "man up" is a particularly toxic one.

Guys don't have support networks in the same way that women do and that can be a hugely negative thing. 'guy of a certain age' syndrome is a very real thing and is huge contributor to mental health issues and suicide"

I agree with this. It was much more difficult to find that kind of emotional support networks amongst groups of men, so I sort them out through alternative humanistic and spiritual communities

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Men are expected to be emotionally strong and never vulnerable to being hurt.

Very true. The phrase "man up" is a particularly toxic one.

Guys don't have support networks in the same way that women do and that can be a hugely negative thing. 'guy of a certain age' syndrome is a very real thing and is huge contributor to mental health issues and suicide"
very true I was raised to be emotionally strong and it has led to problems opening up in adult life before I worked on it. But trying to get friends with issues to talk is very hard perhaps it's seen as a weakness, it certainly felt like it to me.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Men are expected to be emotionally strong and never vulnerable to being hurt.

Very true. The phrase "man up" is a particularly toxic one.

Guys don't have support networks in the same way that women do and that can be a hugely negative thing. 'guy of a certain age' syndrome is a very real thing and is huge contributor to mental health issues and suicide

I agree with this. It was much more difficult to find that kind of emotional support networks amongst groups of men, so I sort them out through alternative humanistic and spiritual communities"

Yes, I had to build my own support network. There are a few out there aimed at guys that are great and do great work. Part of the problem though is the general distrust that society has for a single guy. He's often viewed with mistrust or as a predator, I think it's much harder to be socially accepted at a social club as a guy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Men are expected to be emotionally strong and never vulnerable to being hurt.

Very true. The phrase "man up" is a particularly toxic one.

Guys don't have support networks in the same way that women do and that can be a hugely negative thing. 'guy of a certain age' syndrome is a very real thing and is huge contributor to mental health issues and suicide

I agree with this. It was much more difficult to find that kind of emotional support networks amongst groups of men, so I sort them out through alternative humanistic and spiritual communities

Yes, I had to build my own support network. There are a few out there aimed at guys that are great and do great work. Part of the problem though is the general distrust that society has for a single guy. He's often viewed with mistrust or as a predator, I think it's much harder to be socially accepted at a social club as a guy"

I think I was fortunate that the communities I joined were educational and developmental firstly and social secondly. So challenge and support were part of the ethos, the friendships grew out of learning together in a ‘tough loving’ environment where emotional and soiritial development were highly valued. Those friendships are much deeper than any of my social friendships

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

I spent 10 years at Boarding School after ma Mam died 2 days before ma 7th Birthday, we were all taught to fend for and look after ourselves, even though we looked upon ourselves as one big family, and would usually help anybody out who was in a more unfortunate position than us. Compassion and humanity were instilled into us, and I still hold those beliefs to this day.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I found being a single parent to very young children as a man a double edged sword. Sometimes the little things like going to places where the only baby changing unit is in the ladies toilets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i'm a kleenex man ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I found being a single parent to very young children as a man a double edged sword. Sometimes the little things like going to places where the only baby changing unit is in the ladies toilets."
yes I found that awkward as a single dad too and the patronising remarks from some people because they thought being a man I couldn't cope with a toddler...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Men are expected to be emotionally strong and never vulnerable to being hurt.

Very true. The phrase "man up" is a particularly toxic one.

Guys don't have support networks in the same way that women do and that can be a hugely negative thing. 'guy of a certain age' syndrome is a very real thing and is huge contributor to mental health issues and suicide"
nothing wrong with man up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m just incapable of telling some one how I feel. I have a default answer... “yeah I’m fine thanks”

I’m ok with this, like I accepted it ages ago.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I found being a single parent to very young children as a man a double edged sword. Sometimes the little things like going to places where the only baby changing unit is in the ladies toilets."

Very true, although a lot of places are better and have the changing facilities in the disabled toilets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Performance anxiety

Sensitive balls

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Men are expected to be emotionally strong and never vulnerable to being hurt.

Very true. The phrase "man up" is a particularly toxic one.

Guys don't have support networks in the same way that women do and that can be a hugely negative thing. 'guy of a certain age' syndrome is a very real thing and is huge contributor to mental health issues and suicidenothing wrong with man up"

You really think? You don't think it belittles a person? Tells them that what they're feeling is not worth bothering with and also implies that men don't feel?

There's a huge amount wrong with that phrase

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's been a huge change culturally and socially in society, and many of those changes have placed expectations on men to a greater degree.

Most of those changes are positive, but change does place pressure on individuals and make them question their identities.

I firmly believe there's less empathy and compassion to a man in our society and it's more acceptable to be harder towards them. Maybe it's just desserts for our behaviour historically!

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

Can I as a woman comment on this thread

I've no doubt what I have to say will get me a lot of hate from women

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

I quite a like a man who is willing to show his emotions and be able to open up but I realise it’s probably a difficult thing to do, doesn’t sit well with your macho protective image.

Some of us ladies out here are more than happy to listen and be non-judgemental though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can I as a woman comment on this thread

I've no doubt what I have to say will get me a lot of hate from women"

Whose permission are you asking?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Men are expected to be emotionally strong and never vulnerable to being hurt.

Very true. The phrase "man up" is a particularly toxic one.

Guys don't have support networks in the same way that women do and that can be a hugely negative thing. 'guy of a certain age' syndrome is a very real thing and is huge contributor to mental health issues and suicidenothing wrong with man up"

Many up is incredibly insulting to any male who has suffered with any form of mental health issue.

I had a quite spectacular panic attack/nervous breakdown at work about 5 years ago. Full view of the office, about 50 people mostly men.

I was signed off work for 6 weeks, started medication etc and went back on a phased return.

First day back I could see all the looks and whispering. Overhead people saying I was being a baby/pussy/girl etc. And I should man up. Someone actually said it to my face, took all my will power not to thump him.

Very quickly resulted in another panic attack because of this. More time off work.

Thankfully my boss was very understanding and removed those who had openly insulted me. I never felt comfortable there again because I always thought people were judging me and I was right as I quite often got wind of them doing so.

People who have never suffered don't understand and those who just dismiss it and use the man up thing are cunts.

I wouldn't wish the last 5 years of my mental health issues on anyone. Some of the darkest days of my life and I've been very close to taking my own life on a few occasions.

My advice, don't say it, it may be just enough to tip someone over the edge.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I quite a like a man who is willing to show his emotions and be able to open up but I realise it’s probably a difficult thing to do, doesn’t sit well with your macho protective image.

Some of us ladies out here are more than happy to listen and be non-judgemental though "

I learnt a while ago that projecting one image and feeling another is a very toxic way to live. I'd rather be open about how I'm feeling, it's far healthier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Men reveal the most difficult parts about being a man in the Independent today and some of the responses were quite heart wrenching.

Gender norms often hurt both sides, but men often suffer from not feeling able to talk about their problems.

Not sure I can share the web link - but what do you think are the down-sides of being a man? We discuss the downsides of being a woman very frequently - but what's going on with you lovely guys?"

Anything invving the term 'man up' I fucking hate it. It makes me feel like I'm not allowed to talk about emotional issues at all.

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

I personally do not have an issue with the patriarchal society but there does need to be a little more of a an even playing field. Men are naturally physically stronger so some jobs are suited to those men. Yet some women are just as physically strong as men. Take army fitness entry for instance. The level of fitness is less for women and I think that wrong. I think it should be the same as you will be doing the same job. If you are not strong enough you shouldn't do it. That will be fair not making it easier for women. The world was a better place when people knew their limitations and abilities. A woman's place should be with the children where possible and being forced into work for financial reasons is so very wrong. When I was a kid one salery was enough to support a family now sometimes even 2 isn't enough. That is so very very wrong. 1 parent should be able to not work to take care of the kids and the house. Preferably that should be the woman but that isn't always possible. A patriarchal society worked for thousands of years and I'm all for equality but modern femenism is about belittling men and make women superior and that is damaging our society. Equality should be true Equality not half hearted. Men do have it tougher in this day and age and jobs are sometimes given to women over men for equality sake but what is equal about that if the man is the better person for the job?

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

Let the hate on me begin lol

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

Man up and grow some balls make me laugh.

Yes I'm sometimes guilty of saying such things but never to a person I know can't deal with such words. I like to say grow a cunt as that takes a lot of pain in life and still plunders on so therefore stronger than balls. But hey we all have the capability to "man up" we just need the right outlet and support network

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Let the hate on me begin lol"

I don't agree with you on a number of those points, however, they're you're personal feelings so that's fine.

I will however take issue with what you class as feminism, feminism is about equality, not about putting men down. That is a discussion for another thread though, much as I hate to say it; can we have the discussion about men?

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By *egularGuy2016Man
over a year ago

Orpington

Having to go through the hell of shaving every morning!

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)


"Let the hate on me begin lol

I don't agree with you on a number of those points, however, they're you're personal feelings so that's fine.

I will however take issue with what you class as feminism, feminism is about equality, not about putting men down. That is a discussion for another thread though, much as I hate to say it; can we have the discussion about men? "

Yes feminism is about equality that's what I said but modern day feminism isn't. Feminism is equally about men as it is women as it is about (or should be about) equality of the sexes.

I think feminism is the wrong word for it. It should be equalism.

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)


"Having to go through the hell of shaving every morning!"

Women do that too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Let the hate on me begin lol

I don't agree with you on a number of those points, however, they're you're personal feelings so that's fine.

I will however take issue with what you class as feminism, feminism is about equality, not about putting men down. That is a discussion for another thread though, much as I hate to say it; can we have the discussion about men? "

Unfortunately feminism has become about we're better than you and I personally hate it ... I'm an anti-feminist

My 17 yo daughter has it sussed it should be about equalism

Men no longer have what they need in life and are required to be almost feminine... it will lead to the downfall of life as we know it and already is showing tbh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I think there is still a place for the stiff upper lip in society. I think far too often we medicalise the normal ups and downs of life. People don’t get grumpy, fed up or just a bit down anymore, but have stress or anxiety. You used to have to rely on yourself reliance to get yourself out of it, but by labelling and medicalising it the onus on self reliance is removed.

I accept there are genuine mental health issues that need the help of professionals. I do however also think many could be solved by the person.

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By *egularGuy2016Man
over a year ago

Orpington

I think the requirement for women to become an integral part of the workforce during WW2 fundamentally changed the perception about gender specific roles, and once the genie was out of the bottle it was never going back.

However, I think the one of the main social issues we have now is that it's almost impossible to keep a roof over a families head without both parents having to work full-time.

Probably doesn't help that all of the council house's have been sold, add on to that is that irritating twat on "homes under the hammer" encouraging anyone with the means to buy property, deck it out on the cheap and then charge top money to rent it out to some poor fucker who'll never be able to save up for a deposit to buy their own place!

So now we have a generation that didn't have a strong parental influence as they grew up because both mum and dad had to work and now they can't get a house of their own because their grandparents generation own all the property and they won't even get their hands on that because the old bastards will have to sell their houses to pay for their nursing home bills eventually!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally I think there is still a place for the stiff upper lip in society. I think far too often we medicalise the normal ups and downs of life. People don’t get grumpy, fed up or just a bit down anymore, but have stress or anxiety. You used to have to rely on yourself reliance to get yourself out of it, but by labelling and medicalising it the onus on self reliance is removed.

I accept there are genuine mental health issues that need the help of professionals. I do however also think many could be solved by the person.

"

Oh this ^^^ is totally true ... We have to label everything!

Reactionary depression is normal behaviour in life, shit times are normal and for everyone, they don't actually need a label or medical help

I totally understand medical labels for people with real problems that need serious help and my heart breaks at the lack of help

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)


"Personally I think there is still a place for the stiff upper lip in society. I think far too often we medicalise the normal ups and downs of life. People don’t get grumpy, fed up or just a bit down anymore, but have stress or anxiety. You used to have to rely on yourself reliance to get yourself out of it, but by labelling and medicalising it the onus on self reliance is removed.

I accept there are genuine mental health issues that need the help of professionals. I do however also think many could be solved by the person.

Oh this ^^^ is totally true ... We have to label everything!

Reactionary depression is normal behaviour in life, shit times are normal and for everyone, they don't actually need a label or medical help

I totally understand medical labels for people with real problems that need serious help and my heart breaks at the lack of help "

I too totally agree.

We all can be victim to reactionary depression.

Take ADD and ADHD for instance.

I've been told by many a busy body my daughter may have this. I completely disagree and believe it only exists because kids no longer expel their energy right. My daughter is very hyperactive but I take her out to release this energy productively and she now even takes herself out for a run to burn that energy. If I kept her home in front of a console I've no doubt she would misbehave and trash the place to expel that pent up tension.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally I think there is still a place for the stiff upper lip in society. I think far too often we medicalise the normal ups and downs of life. People don’t get grumpy, fed up or just a bit down anymore, but have stress or anxiety. You used to have to rely on yourself reliance to get yourself out of it, but by labelling and medicalising it the onus on self reliance is removed.

I accept there are genuine mental health issues that need the help of professionals. I do however also think many could be solved by the person.

Oh this ^^^ is totally true ... We have to label everything!

Reactionary depression is normal behaviour in life, shit times are normal and for everyone, they don't actually need a label or medical help

I totally understand medical labels for people with real problems that need serious help and my heart breaks at the lack of help

I too totally agree.

We all can be victim to reactionary depression.

Take ADD and ADHD for instance.

I've been told by many a busy body my daughter may have this. I completely disagree and believe it only exists because kids no longer expel their energy right. My daughter is very hyperactive but I take her out to release this energy productively and she now even takes herself out for a run to burn that energy. If I kept her home in front of a console I've no doubt she would misbehave and trash the place to expel that pent up tension. "

OMG I get this!! I've been medically hyperactive all my life but the most interesting thing ever was the guy that is responsible for ADHD admitted when he died it's all made up and he was paid by the drug companies for his research ...

If you need any help regarding this I can give you loads as a life long sufferer and I do this professionally too!! Just message me

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)


"Personally I think there is still a place for the stiff upper lip in society. I think far too often we medicalise the normal ups and downs of life. People don’t get grumpy, fed up or just a bit down anymore, but have stress or anxiety. You used to have to rely on yourself reliance to get yourself out of it, but by labelling and medicalising it the onus on self reliance is removed.

I accept there are genuine mental health issues that need the help of professionals. I do however also think many could be solved by the person.

Oh this ^^^ is totally true ... We have to label everything!

Reactionary depression is normal behaviour in life, shit times are normal and for everyone, they don't actually need a label or medical help

I totally understand medical labels for people with real problems that need serious help and my heart breaks at the lack of help

I too totally agree.

We all can be victim to reactionary depression.

Take ADD and ADHD for instance.

I've been told by many a busy body my daughter may have this. I completely disagree and believe it only exists because kids no longer expel their energy right. My daughter is very hyperactive but I take her out to release this energy productively and she now even takes herself out for a run to burn that energy. If I kept her home in front of a console I've no doubt she would misbehave and trash the place to expel that pent up tension.

OMG I get this!! I've been medically hyperactive all my life but the most interesting thing ever was the guy that is responsible for ADHD admitted when he died it's all made up and he was paid by the drug companies for his research ...

If you need any help regarding this I can give you loads as a life long sufferer and I do this professionally too!! Just message me "

Thanks but it's all controlled

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ


"Having to go through the hell of shaving every morning!

Women do that too"

Is that cos you don't think that you look sexy without doing so?

Most men aren't as fickle as that, no matter what the Glamour Magazines would have you believe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Men are expected to be emotionally strong and never vulnerable to being hurt.

Very true. The phrase "man up" is a particularly toxic one.

Guys don't have support networks in the same way that women do and that can be a hugely negative thing. 'guy of a certain age' syndrome is a very real thing and is huge contributor to mental health issues and suicidenothing wrong with man up

You really think? You don't think it belittles a person? Tells them that what they're feeling is not worth bothering with and also implies that men don't feel?

There's a huge amount wrong with that phrase"
naaa its cool

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)


"Having to go through the hell of shaving every morning!

Women do that too

Is that cos you don't think that you look sexy without doing so?

Most men aren't as fickle as that, no matter what the Glamour Magazines would have you believe "

No it's because I don't feel sexy when my legs are stubbly. My pubic hair on the other hand is natural but trimmed. Hence my profile name

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't really talk abt it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I personally do not have an issue with the patriarchal society but there does need to be a little more of a an even playing field. Men are naturally physically stronger so some jobs are suited to those men. Yet some women are just as physically strong as men. Take army fitness entry for instance. The level of fitness is less for women and I think that wrong. I think it should be the same as you will be doing the same job. If you are not strong enough you shouldn't do it. That will be fair not making it easier for women. The world was a better place when people knew their limitations and abilities. A woman's place should be with the children where possible and being forced into work for financial reasons is so very wrong. When I was a kid one salery was enough to support a family now sometimes even 2 isn't enough. That is so very very wrong. 1 parent should be able to not work to take care of the kids and the house. Preferably that should be the woman but that isn't always possible. A patriarchal society worked for thousands of years and I'm all for equality but modern femenism is about belittling men and make women superior and that is damaging our society. Equality should be true Equality not half hearted. Men do have it tougher in this day and age and jobs are sometimes given to women over men for equality sake but what is equal about that if the man is the better person for the job?"

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By *l6789Man
over a year ago

croydon

When ever I have actually talked about my past and opened up to a woman they have reciprocated. But shortly after they have gone quiet or done the old leave on read trick.

So I prefer not to get too personal unless I know them in person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Men are expected to be emotionally strong and never vulnerable to being hurt.

Very true. The phrase "man up" is a particularly toxic one.

Guys don't have support networks in the same way that women do and that can be a hugely negative thing. 'guy of a certain age' syndrome is a very real thing and is huge contributor to mental health issues and suicidenothing wrong with man up

Many up is incredibly insulting to any male who has suffered with any form of mental health issue.

I had a quite spectacular panic attack/nervous breakdown at work about 5 years ago. Full view of the office, about 50 people mostly men.

I was signed off work for 6 weeks, started medication etc and went back on a phased return.

First day back I could see all the looks and whispering. Overhead people saying I was being a baby/pussy/girl etc. And I should man up. Someone actually said it to my face, took all my will power not to thump him.

Very quickly resulted in another panic attack because of this. More time off work.

Thankfully my boss was very understanding and removed those who had openly insulted me. I never felt comfortable there again because I always thought people were judging me and I was right as I quite often got wind of them doing so.

People who have never suffered don't understand and those who just dismiss it and use the man up thing are cunts.

I wouldn't wish the last 5 years of my mental health issues on anyone. Some of the darkest days of my life and I've been very close to taking my own life on a few occasions.

My advice, don't say it, it may be just enough to tip someone over the edge."

What do you mean your boss removed them? Hope your new colleagues are better. x

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

The expression man-up says everything that is wrong in our society towards men. We all have the same emotional circuitry and personal needs. Pushing people to bottle things up in denial is sadistic and potentially horrific, in consequence.

I sometimes see men getting cut-off from their friends when they form romantic relationships, but are then isolated from good external support - they seem to rush to have all needs met by one person, which is shortsighted, considering failure rates of relationships etc.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ


"Having to go through the hell of shaving every morning!

Women do that too

Is that cos you don't think that you look sexy without doing so?

Most men aren't as fickle as that, no matter what the Glamour Magazines would have you believe

No it's because I don't feel sexy when my legs are stubbly. My pubic hair on the other hand is natural but trimmed. Hence my profile name "

Are you into topiary then?

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple


"I personally do not have an issue with the patriarchal society but there does need to be a little more of a an even playing field. Men are naturally physically stronger so some jobs are suited to those men. Yet some women are just as physically strong as men. Take army fitness entry for instance. The level of fitness is less for women and I think that wrong. I think it should be the same as you will be doing the same job. If you are not strong enough you shouldn't do it. That will be fair not making it easier for women. The world was a better place when people knew their limitations and abilities. A woman's place should be with the children where possible and being forced into work for financial reasons is so very wrong. When I was a kid one salery was enough to support a family now sometimes even 2 isn't enough. That is so very very wrong. 1 parent should be able to not work to take care of the kids and the house. Preferably that should be the woman but that isn't always possible. A patriarchal society worked for thousands of years and I'm all for equality but modern femenism is about belittling men and make women superior and that is damaging our society. Equality should be true Equality not half hearted. Men do have it tougher in this day and age and jobs are sometimes given to women over men for equality sake but what is equal about that if the man is the better person for the job?"

What rot

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)


"Having to go through the hell of shaving every morning!

Women do that too

Is that cos you don't think that you look sexy without doing so?

Most men aren't as fickle as that, no matter what the Glamour Magazines would have you believe

No it's because I don't feel sexy when my legs are stubbly. My pubic hair on the other hand is natural but trimmed. Hence my profile name

Are you into topiary then? "

Hahaha

Not really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Men are expected to be emotionally strong and never vulnerable to being hurt.

Very true. The phrase "man up" is a particularly toxic one.

Guys don't have support networks in the same way that women do and that can be a hugely negative thing. 'guy of a certain age' syndrome is a very real thing and is huge contributor to mental health issues and suicide"

Men are often told to man up on these forums, when they say they are nervous about visiting a club alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Men are expected to be emotionally strong and never vulnerable to being hurt.

Very true. The phrase "man up" is a particularly toxic one.

Guys don't have support networks in the same way that women do and that can be a hugely negative thing. 'guy of a certain age' syndrome is a very real thing and is huge contributor to mental health issues and suicidenothing wrong with man up

Many up is incredibly insulting to any male who has suffered with any form of mental health issue.

I had a quite spectacular panic attack/nervous breakdown at work about 5 years ago. Full view of the office, about 50 people mostly men.

I was signed off work for 6 weeks, started medication etc and went back on a phased return.

First day back I could see all the looks and whispering. Overhead people saying I was being a baby/pussy/girl etc. And I should man up. Someone actually said it to my face, took all my will power not to thump him.

Very quickly resulted in another panic attack because of this. More time off work.

Thankfully my boss was very understanding and removed those who had openly insulted me. I never felt comfortable there again because I always thought people were judging me and I was right as I quite often got wind of them doing so.

People who have never suffered don't understand and those who just dismiss it and use the man up thing are cunts.

I wouldn't wish the last 5 years of my mental health issues on anyone. Some of the darkest days of my life and I've been very close to taking my own life on a few occasions.

My advice, don't say it, it may be just enough to tip someone over the edge.

What do you mean your boss removed them? Hope your new colleagues are better. x"

Moved them to another part of the business so I no longer had to work with them.

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By *tella HeelsTV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

Loneliness kids will always be there for their mum, dads are usually left to one side

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple


"Loneliness kids will always be there for their mum, dads are usually left to one side"

With good reason at times

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)


"Loneliness kids will always be there for their mum, dads are usually left to one side

With good reason at times"

A lot of women give the guy a hard time because they are hurt not out of love for their kids.

I can't stand women that use their kids to get at the man. That to me is a bad mother. Having both parents equally in the picture is important. Unless the father is abusive then it is so wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Let the hate on me begin lol

I don't agree with you on a number of those points, however, they're you're personal feelings so that's fine.

I will however take issue with what you class as feminism, feminism is about equality, not about putting men down. That is a discussion for another thread though, much as I hate to say it; can we have the discussion about men?

Unfortunately feminism has become about we're better than you and I personally hate it ... I'm an anti-feminist

My 17 yo daughter has it sussed it should be about equalism

Men no longer have what they need in life and are required to be almost feminine... it will lead to the downfall of life as we know it and already is showing tbh "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would like to be a castrated male .

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)


"I would like to be a castrated male ."

I can help with that lol

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ


"I would like to be a castrated male .

I can help with that lol"

So you are into topiary then, you have the shears

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

It’s an expectation that I like football. I don’t.

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

As a man who can’t deal with what men think being manly is, all I can say is if you think you may be ill then getbto your doctors.

Better to be alive than a manly corpse.

There are millions of them that have gone before us.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ


"It’s an expectation that I like football. I don’t. "

Many a straight bloke would like to suck your balls though Stevieboi

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!


"It’s an expectation that I like football. I don’t.

Many a straight bloke would like to suck your balls though Stevieboi "

They had their chance last year. I can’t be faffed with blokes anymore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish you could help

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By *heDesiCandi OP   TV/TS
over a year ago

Leicester

Thank you everyone for such considered conversations and thoughts. A big up to the single dads who do a wonderful job despite the lack of support networks, functionality (ie baby changing rooms) and to an extent gender conditioning. I definitely resonate with the toxicity of man up and strongly believe in equalism.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham


"I personally do not have an issue with the patriarchal society but there does need to be a little more of a an even playing field. Men are naturally physically stronger so some jobs are suited to those men. Yet some women are just as physically strong as men. Take army fitness entry for instance. The level of fitness is less for women and I think that wrong. I think it should be the same as you will be doing the same job. If you are not strong enough you shouldn't do it. That will be fair not making it easier for women. The world was a better place when people knew their limitations and abilities. A woman's place should be with the children where possible and being forced into work for financial reasons is so very wrong. When I was a kid one salery was enough to support a family now sometimes even 2 isn't enough. That is so very very wrong. 1 parent should be able to not work to take care of the kids and the house. Preferably that should be the woman but that isn't always possible. A patriarchal society worked for thousands of years and I'm all for equality but modern femenism is about belittling men and make women superior and that is damaging our society. Equality should be true Equality not half hearted. Men do have it tougher in this day and age and jobs are sometimes given to women over men for equality sake but what is equal about that if the man is the better person for the job?

"

Hear hear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/12/18 23:43:21]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Men reveal the most difficult parts about being a man in the Independent today and some of the responses were quite heart wrenching.

Gender norms often hurt both sides, but men often suffer from not feeling able to talk about their problems.

Not sure I can share the web link - but what do you think are the down-sides of being a man? We discuss the downsides of being a woman very frequently - but what's going on with you lovely guys?"

What I think is a man issue is, woman not wanted to be branded as a slut for sleeping with a lot of men.

Whilst men are persuaded to sleep with a lot of woman. Whilst branded a legend and a lad...

I understand that girls gotta have fun! We all equal god bless you for sluts love you all.

But... Why you asking me to call you a hoe while we fucking??

I duunno one minute she wants to be called hoe 1 minute she don't. It's all confusing!!!

Get me some help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Men are expected to be emotionally strong and never vulnerable to being hurt.

Very true. The phrase "man up" is a particularly toxic one.

Guys don't have support networks in the same way that women do and that can be a hugely negative thing. 'guy of a certain age' syndrome is a very real thing and is huge contributor to mental health issues and suicide"

Most men don’t like to talk about anything and bottle it up if only you guys would talk to each other about stuff like us ladies maybe it would cut down mental health etc I think it’s good to show your emotions and talk I love to listen to my partner for hours I keep at him lol till he tells me what’s wrong x as BT say it’s good to talk

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By *hubnwife_36dd_ukCouple
over a year ago

chester


"Personally I think there is still a place for the stiff upper lip in society. I think far too often we medicalise the normal ups and downs of life. People don’t get grumpy, fed up or just a bit down anymore, but have stress or anxiety. You used to have to rely on yourself reliance to get yourself out of it, but by labelling and medicalising it the onus on self reliance is removed.

I accept there are genuine mental health issues that need the help of professionals. I do however also think many could be solved by the person.

"

Bloody well said. Even the president of the British Psychiatric Society (I think it was) said we are labelling and medicalising normal behaviour as problems.

What's the biggest issue with being a man? Eternally being nagged by wet trendies and articles in newspaper magazines that you should burst into tears every time something touches your little snowflake personality.

Cry with rage and/or compassion by all means for those folks that society crushes into the ground but for God's sake stop joining the "I've got a label so my piddling little problem is now ok and somebody else will medicate it away for me" bandwagon. Yet another American import we could do without.

There are real people out there with real problems. Funds and staff to help them are stretched. They don't need the entire human race as also-rans competing with them!

I used to work with a couple of guys who were always stressed, picked on etc at the slightest thing that put a ripple in their day.

In the end I just got pissed off with their self-indulgence and said "You're not stressed. You get stressed in parts of the world where they come and kill your children and/or burn your house/place of worship to the ground because they don't like you.

You are just having a bad day and like the rest of us you'll eventually get over it".

Ended a brief friendship that I never missed. At least they didn't come and mess my day up any more with their whining.

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By *hubnwife_36dd_ukCouple
over a year ago

chester


"Let the hate on me begin lol"

No need for hate on you, a very sensible post.

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)


"Men reveal the most difficult parts about being a man in the Independent today and some of the responses were quite heart wrenching.

Gender norms often hurt both sides, but men often suffer from not feeling able to talk about their problems.

Not sure I can share the web link - but what do you think are the down-sides of being a man? We discuss the downsides of being a woman very frequently - but what's going on with you lovely guys?

What I think is a man issue is, woman not wanted to be branded as a slut for sleeping with a lot of men.

Whilst men are persuaded to sleep with a lot of woman. Whilst branded a legend and a lad...

I understand that girls gotta have fun! We all equal god bless you for sluts love you all.

But... Why you asking me to call you a hoe while we fucking??

I duunno one minute she wants to be called hoe 1 minute she don't. It's all confusing!!!

Get me some help.

"

Call me a hoe as much as you like while fucking but outside of that call me Princess

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)


"Let the hate on me begin lol

No need for hate on you, a very sensible post."

Thanks I thought so too

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By *eliciousladyWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K


"Men are expected to be emotionally strong and never vulnerable to being hurt. "

Expected by whom?

Men please, forget the age old stereotypes and show your soft side and vulnerability, women will appreciate it (this one certainly wil)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men who want to take a back seat in their career to see more of their kids while their wife earns the lions share of the income can sometimes be viewed as lazy and leeches.

Even worse if they enjoy spending time with kids at all they are suspected of being a pedophile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally I think there is still a place for the stiff upper lip in society. I think far too often we medicalise the normal ups and downs of life. People don’t get grumpy, fed up or just a bit down anymore, but have stress or anxiety. You used to have to rely on yourself reliance to get yourself out of it, but by labelling and medicalising it the onus on self reliance is removed.

I accept there are genuine mental health issues that need the help of professionals. I do however also think many could be solved by the person.

Bloody well said. Even the president of the British Psychiatric Society (I think it was) said we are labelling and medicalising normal behaviour as problems.

What's the biggest issue with being a man? Eternally being nagged by wet trendies and articles in newspaper magazines that you should burst into tears every time something touches your little snowflake personality.

Cry with rage and/or compassion by all means for those folks that society crushes into the ground but for God's sake stop joining the "I've got a label so my piddling little problem is now ok and somebody else will medicate it away for me" bandwagon. Yet another American import we could do without.

There are real people out there with real problems. Funds and staff to help them are stretched. They don't need the entire human race as also-rans competing with them!

I used to work with a couple of guys who were always stressed, picked on etc at the slightest thing that put a ripple in their day.

In the end I just got pissed off with their self-indulgence and said "You're not stressed. You get stressed in parts of the world where they come and kill your children and/or burn your house/place of worship to the ground because they don't like you.

You are just having a bad day and like the rest of us you'll eventually get over it".

Ended a brief friendship that I never missed. At least they didn't come and mess my day up any more with their whining."

Agreed.

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By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago

The Land that time forgot (Norfolk)


"

Not sure I can share the web link - but what do you think are the down-sides of being a man? We discuss the downsides of being a woman very frequently - but what's going on with you lovely guys?"

Catching your dick in your flies

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