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Sub Training

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hi all, first ever post on here so be gentle with me!

I’m looking to train a sub and being new to this was wondering if anyone had thoughts and / or advice on how a new Dom would train a sub?

Love and peace.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

New Doms always seem an odd thing, I always assume it is something developed and nurtured over a long time, rather than just today I am a Dom

Sorry I cant be more helpful.

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By *amelhunterMan
over a year ago

newcastle


"New Doms always seem an odd thing, I always assume it is something developed and nurtured over a long time, rather than just today I am a Dom

Sorry I cant be more helpful. "

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wouldn't you be better off on fetlife or similar?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"New Doms always seem an odd thing, I always assume it is something developed and nurtured over a long time, rather than just today I am a Dom

Sorry I cant be more helpful. "

That's actually an incredibly helpful insight

OP it's of course fine to be new and trying to find your way, but if I were you I'd take a step back and ask yourself what is it you feel has led you to feel this way? And what kind of a Dom do you think you would be?

You've not said if you already have a sub that you are looking to train, or if it's just the idea that appeals?

If you already have one, then I'd suggest talking to him/her to understand what they expect from a Dom.

Either way I'd suggest not acting on anything without further research and understanding into what exactly you expect to bring to any such relationship.

There are a lot of great resources available, including the other website that can't be named, or books like SM101 or Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns that are very good for introducing you to the scene and helping get your head round this.

You could also do a lot worse than taking an on-line BDSM questionnaire that may help you understand the type of Dom you think you would be.

Get along to a local munch (BDSM social) and talk to others about your interest.

Seek out as much information as you can, and when you think you're done reading, read some more.

I can't stress enough how important it is that you understand you and your own expectations before even considering taking on a sub and starting to understand theirs

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By *amelhunterMan
over a year ago

newcastle


"New Doms always seem an odd thing, I always assume it is something developed and nurtured over a long time, rather than just today I am a Dom

Sorry I cant be more helpful. "

This

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"New Doms always seem an odd thing, I always assume it is something developed and nurtured over a long time, rather than just today I am a Dom

Sorry I cant be more helpful.

That's actually an incredibly helpful insight

OP it's of course fine to be new and trying to find your way, but if I were you I'd take a step back and ask yourself what is it you feel has led you to feel this way? And what kind of a Dom do you think you would be?

You've not said if you already have a sub that you are looking to train, or if it's just the idea that appeals?

If you already have one, then I'd suggest talking to him/her to understand what they expect from a Dom.

Either way I'd suggest not acting on anything without further research and understanding into what exactly you expect to bring to any such relationship.

There are a lot of great resources available, including the other website that can't be named, or books like SM101 or Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns that are very good for introducing you to the scene and helping get your head round this.

You could also do a lot worse than taking an on-line BDSM questionnaire that may help you understand the type of Dom you think you would be.

Get along to a local munch (BDSM social) and talk to others about your interest.

Seek out as much information as you can, and when you think you're done reading, read some more.

I can't stress enough how important it is that you understand you and your own expectations before even considering taking on a sub and starting to understand theirs "

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot


"New Doms always seem an odd thing, I always assume it is something developed and nurtured over a long time, rather than just today I am a Dom

Sorry I cant be more helpful.

That's actually an incredibly helpful insight

OP it's of course fine to be new and trying to find your way, but if I were you I'd take a step back and ask yourself what is it you feel has led you to feel this way? And what kind of a Dom do you think you would be?

You've not said if you already have a sub that you are looking to train, or if it's just the idea that appeals?

If you already have one, then I'd suggest talking to him/her to understand what they expect from a Dom.

Either way I'd suggest not acting on anything without further research and understanding into what exactly you expect to bring to any such relationship.

There are a lot of great resources available, including the other website that can't be named, or books like SM101 or Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns that are very good for introducing you to the scene and helping get your head round this.

You could also do a lot worse than taking an on-line BDSM questionnaire that may help you understand the type of Dom you think you would be.

Get along to a local munch (BDSM social) and talk to others about your interest.

Seek out as much information as you can, and when you think you're done reading, read some more.

I can't stress enough how important it is that you understand you and your own expectations before even considering taking on a sub and starting to understand theirs "

One of the most sensible posts I've read.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Such an exciting time!

There isn’t really a rule book, it’s all down to communication. What works for one dynamic maybe different to you.

I still do a lot of research to help explore my submissive side, I set limits for myself so then can communicate that clearly. Some of it is a learning curve and I feel that I’m still learning all the time.

A website was mentioned above has been invaluable to me.

Dominance/Submission is such a broad subject, take each day at a time. Do what feels right for you, keep talking and you’ll have the most amazing time

xx

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"Such an exciting time!

There isn’t really a rule book, it’s all down to communication. What works for one dynamic maybe different to you.

I still do a lot of research to help explore my submissive side, I set limits for myself so then can communicate that clearly. Some of it is a learning curve and I feel that I’m still learning all the time.

A website was mentioned above has been invaluable to me.

Dominance/Submission is such a broad subject, take each day at a time. Do what feels right for you, keep talking and you’ll have the most amazing time

xx"

This.... talk to subs not Doms, well unless you are face to face and understand congruence.

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By *vilgasamWoman
over a year ago

The dot in the i


"New Doms always seem an odd thing, I always assume it is something developed and nurtured over a long time, rather than just today I am a Dom

Sorry I cant be more helpful.

That's actually an incredibly helpful insight

OP it's of course fine to be new and trying to find your way, but if I were you I'd take a step back and ask yourself what is it you feel has led you to feel this way? And what kind of a Dom do you think you would be?

You've not said if you already have a sub that you are looking to train, or if it's just the idea that appeals?

If you already have one, then I'd suggest talking to him/her to understand what they expect from a Dom.

Either way I'd suggest not acting on anything without further research and understanding into what exactly you expect to bring to any such relationship.

There are a lot of great resources available, including the other website that can't be named, or books like SM101 or Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns that are very good for introducing you to the scene and helping get your head round this.

You could also do a lot worse than taking an on-line BDSM questionnaire that may help you understand the type of Dom you think you would be.

Get along to a local munch (BDSM social) and talk to others about your interest.

Seek out as much information as you can, and when you think you're done reading, read some more.

I can't stress enough how important it is that you understand you and your own expectations before even considering taking on a sub and starting to understand theirs "

This

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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)


"New Doms always seem an odd thing, I always assume it is something developed and nurtured over a long time, rather than just today I am a Dom

Sorry I cant be more helpful.

That's actually an incredibly helpful insight

OP it's of course fine to be new and trying to find your way, but if I were you I'd take a step back and ask yourself what is it you feel has led you to feel this way? And what kind of a Dom do you think you would be?

You've not said if you already have a sub that you are looking to train, or if it's just the idea that appeals?

If you already have one, then I'd suggest talking to him/her to understand what they expect from a Dom.

Either way I'd suggest not acting on anything without further research and understanding into what exactly you expect to bring to any such relationship.

There are a lot of great resources available, including the other website that can't be named, or books like SM101 or Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns that are very good for introducing you to the scene and helping get your head round this.

You could also do a lot worse than taking an on-line BDSM questionnaire that may help you understand the type of Dom you think you would be.

Get along to a local munch (BDSM social) and talk to others about your interest.

Seek out as much information as you can, and when you think you're done reading, read some more.

I can't stress enough how important it is that you understand you and your own expectations before even considering taking on a sub and starting to understand theirs "

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Just a thought, if you have no experience, how can you train a sub?

A sub trained me.

Kisses if you are about.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/12/18 18:22:18]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"New Doms always seem an odd thing, I always assume it is something developed and nurtured over a long time, rather than just today I am a Dom

Sorry I cant be more helpful. "

No, I understand yiur point but I’d caveat my position by saying it’s something that I feel has always resonated in me. I’ve just not had the chance to explained and now I have

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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)

If it is something that you want to explore then go for it. There is a wealth of information available on here and fetlife may be useful for you.

If you already have a sub involve him/her in your research and talk about what they want in a Dominant.

It isn't something that is mastered by reading a book but they are a great place to start but the most important bit of the journey is communicating with others.

Munches are a great source of advice and also support. There is no laid down approach your style will develop and as long as you are playing safely and with full consent, the journey can be very enjoyable for both parties.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

When I figured out this side of my personality years ago I was buried in books, websites, literature and texts for months.

I went to munches, workshops and spoke to those that claimed to be Dominant and those that claimed to be submissive and took in all the information I could find.

I sent some that I found interesting to my now submissive and we discussed all aspects, directed and decided what we valued, what we didn't and what fit for us.

To be a good Dominant takes instinct and personality first, you can't fake it for long atall. You either have it or you don't and then the rest is learnt.... over a long, long time.

I'll let you know when I'm done and it won't be any time soon

Good luck...

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

Oh and learn the difference between a Dominant and a top because as a Dominant you can really mess up someone's head and do a lot of damage.

A top is far shorter lived with different risks...

If an agreement is made and you claim someone is your submissive living with that choice will be the hardest thing you ever do if you want to do it right because the sex play is the least of it.

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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)


"Oh and learn the difference between a Dominant and a top because as a Dominant you can really mess up someone's head and do a lot of damage.

A top is far shorter lived with different risks...

If an agreement is made and you claim someone is your submissive living with that choice will be the hardest thing you ever do if you want to do it right because the sex play is the least of it."

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

There is some good advice on here but I would like to add a few comments.

I think people entering in a D/S Relationship get hung up on the 'D/S' and forget about the 'relationship' bit. I think in modern BDSM the 'relationship' is of equal importance as the 'D/S'.

I would not worry about training (which is a concept like squirting in sex which a lot is unnecessarily made of) and concentrate on the relationship. However you may be thinking about putting in place protocols which is different from training and these need to be discussed and put in place from the start. You can Google bdsm and protocols.

In a normal relationship would a person talk about training another?

No, you talk about getting to understand each other.

I think due to bdsm pornography the concept of training has been mainly understood as the sub having sex with many men or being bound and having uncomfortable sex. Personally I love the Sex and Submission series, Bound and even our English Pascal and Subsluts. But these are professional pornographic actresses being paid to do something which a minority of subs like to do. There is little in the way of intimicy or empathy in these films. However If your sub is in that minority you need to explore that with them if this is something you both want to do.

An older form of training is the 'Old School' masters and mistresses intent on training their subs to take a certain amount of impact. Again this something a minority of subs enjoy and like to test themselves on the number of strokes of a cane (or other toy they can take) someone I knew worked up to 50 strokes. Although some new subs enter these relationships and don't realise they have a right to say no and that they are not interested in this form of training.

Another form of training is service, this is where a sub wants to provide service to their dom/me or the dom/me expects service. This can be from cleaning the house to cleaning boots, to knowing how to make the dom/mes tea in the morning and serve it. The dom/me sets out what has to be done and how it is to be done in a period of training before the sub is ready for full service as their sub.

The final category and the one to which I subscribe is that of mutual exchange. The sub sets out how they want to serve, and what training they feel they need in order to serve. Also there may be areas in their life they want help with, from doing their academic work, housework or building up to a gangbang. The dom/me sees if these interest them and can offer to help or refuse to help. The dom/me in exchange sets out what they expect from the sub and what the sub needs to learn to please the dom/me. Likewise the sub can accept or reject.

I am sure there are other variations and different styles, but this is my broad understanding of training.

Personally I think the biggest difficulty with a new sub is to get them to express clearly what they are seeking in a D/S relationship. Particularly if they are new to bdsm they may be entering with a stereotype of how it should be.

I apologise if I am making assumptions, but rather than looking at training it may be best to work out each other's wants and needs. Any training may fall out of those discussions.

Good luck

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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)


"There is some good advice on here but I would like to add a few comments.

I think people entering in a D/S Relationship get hung up on the 'D/S' and forget about the 'relationship' bit. I think in modern BDSM the 'relationship' is of equal importance as the 'D/S'.

I would not worry about training (which is a concept like squirting in sex which a lot is unnecessarily made of) and concentrate on the relationship. However you may be thinking about putting in place protocols which is different from training and these need to be discussed and put in place from the start. You can Google bdsm and protocols.

In a normal relationship would a person talk about training another?

No, you talk about getting to understand each other.

I think due to bdsm pornography the concept of training has been mainly understood as the sub having sex with many men or being bound and having uncomfortable sex. Personally I love the Sex and Submission series, Bound and even our English Pascal and Subsluts. But these are professional pornographic actresses being paid to do something which a minority of subs like to do. There is little in the way of intimicy or empathy in these films. However If your sub is in that minority you need to explore that with them if this is something you both want to do.

An older form of training is the 'Old School' masters and mistresses intent on training their subs to take a certain amount of impact. Again this something a minority of subs enjoy and like to test themselves on the number of strokes of a cane (or other toy they can take) someone I knew worked up to 50 strokes. Although some new subs enter these relationships and don't realise they have a right to say no and that they are not interested in this form of training.

Another form of training is service, this is where a sub wants to provide service to their dom/me or the dom/me expects service. This can be from cleaning the house to cleaning boots, to knowing how to make the dom/mes tea in the morning and serve it. The dom/me sets out what has to be done and how it is to be done in a period of training before the sub is ready for full service as their sub.

The final category and the one to which I subscribe is that of mutual exchange. The sub sets out how they want to serve, and what training they feel they need in order to serve. Also there may be areas in their life they want help with, from doing their academic work, housework or building up to a gangbang. The dom/me sees if these interest them and can offer to help or refuse to help. The dom/me in exchange sets out what they expect from the sub and what the sub needs to learn to please the dom/me. Likewise the sub can accept or reject.

I am sure there are other variations and different styles, but this is my broad understanding of training.

Personally I think the biggest difficulty with a new sub is to get them to express clearly what they are seeking in a D/S relationship. Particularly if they are new to bdsm they may be entering with a stereotype of how it should be.

I apologise if I am making assumptions, but rather than looking at training it may be best to work out each other's wants and needs. Any training may fall out of those discussions.

Good luck"

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