FabSwingers.com forum: Cold call revenge = funny

By *RnMrsFreak OP Couple
over a year ago

Hull,England

The other day I was called by a female sounding voice with asian accent telling me that my sky breakdown cover was about to expire (never had sky), she even went on to tell me I'd payed £188 for it last time.

I thought I'd have some fun with her and let her ramble on about further cover and accepted the 2 year deal, she sounded overjoyed until it came to payment methods, I elected to pay with sex and would not budge on this. After some discussion I said ok I'll just have the 1 year deal and again elected to pay with sex, she declined again even after me saying that sex must be worth something, everybody likes sex, don't you like sex?

She hung up...

My family who were all listening at this were nearly pissing themselves laughing

How do you deal with cold callers?

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By *ammskiMan
over a year ago

lytham st.annes

I sometimes sit at home or wherever i am and immediately put loud speaker on and let whoever is in my company listen to the shit they spout and will entertain the caller.I have never ended the call,it is always them that do.The record for this is 72 minutes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually hang up straight away but now i cant wait for them to call!

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By *ddibleMan
over a year ago

Exeter Bristol Salisbury

Brilliant!

I had a call from The Road Traffic Unit, I guy with an Indian sounding accent rang to discuss my recent accident.

Oh yes it was terrible I told him the doctors say my legs will never grow back and I've had to remortgage my house to pay for rehabilitation and the guy in the Rolls Royce that caused the accident didn't seem to care.

He got very excited and asked for my details so I explained that since the last time I have my details out the asylums policy would be to put you through to one of the psychiatric nurses but as my cell is so heavily padded it might be some time before they hear my screams

I then started screaming "nurse nurse the voices are back"

He hung up too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cant tell u iv signed the official secrets act

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By *uzzy NavelWoman
over a year ago

so near and yet so far....

"I sometimes sit at home or wherever i am and immediately put loud speaker on and let whoever is in my company listen to the shit they spout and will entertain the caller.I have never ended the call,it is always them that do.The record for this is 72 minutes "

Impressive!!

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By *RnMrsFreak OP Couple
over a year ago

Hull,England

72 minutes is fantastic, well done! My aim is always to get THEM to hang up too.

Another good one is to purposely mis-hear the word homeowner and ask them why they want to know if I'm a homo!... and just run with it hahaha so much fun

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By *RnMrsFreak OP Couple
over a year ago

Hull,England

"Brilliant!

I had a call from The Road Traffic Unit, I guy with an Indian sounding accent rang to discuss my recent accident.

I then started screaming "nurse nurse the voices are back"

He hung up too"

Genius!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I go along with the Windows callers and eventually ask how any of this makes sense with a window.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You were involved in an accident - yes I was and I only have 10 mins to live...goodbye x

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By *orro_sMan
over a year ago

Swansea

If its a guy, I often put on the campest voice I can, and keep telling the caller how sexy he sounds, and try to drop a few innuendos in. They usually hang up after a few minutes

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By *hrobbermanMan
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

I have a number of methods.

* The "recent accident"? I always let them explain how upset they are to hear of my recent accident. I will usually take around five minutes to explain how embarrassing having an accident is. And that it was the first time I'd poohed my pants since I was a very small child. I usually then ask "So how on Earth did you hear about it. I never told anyone and I hoped that no-one at work had noticed."

*Renew my (non-existant) Sky subscription? I let them add on all the packages and I always ask about some extra adult channels etc. Just cringey enough... but not too cringey. When asked how I would like to pay? I always answer "In shiny golden coins." Never fails. Sometimes I have had to repeat this phrase four or five times.

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By *RnMrsFreak OP Couple
over a year ago

Hull,England

"If its a guy, I often put on the campest voice I can, and keep telling the caller how sexy he sounds, and try to drop a few innuendos in. They usually hang up after a few minutes

When you do that does your camp voice have a different accent? Mine always seems to have an Edinborough accent for some reason

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Oh, and nothing infuriates the recent accident callers more than telling them (truthfully in my case) that I've not been in a car accident in the last three years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I let them think I'm all up for it. Then I start to show a weird side. I've once pretended I had kids shouting "get your fucking brother out the oven" and "will you stop running round the church naked". Then I go back to normal voice pretending everything all right. I've even asked that it was a bad time as I was in a cult and about to take myself to the one above......all I got from that was ok have a nice day sir

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it must be a really rough job to have. That,and handing out fliers!

I feel sorry for them. They’re just trying to earn a living, not purposely trying be a nuisance.

Won’t be rude or mean, just ask them to remove my details and then block the number.

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

This is similar to when I saw either Mormons or Jehovahs coming down the road (never spoke to them to find out which on this occasion) so as they came close I closed the chains, put some very loud porn on the TV and made some loud sex noises to go with it. They walked up my driveway but oddly didn't get as far as knocking on the door (that I heard anyway!!)

Each to their own but I don't spout religion at them, and I don't invite them to give me theirs.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I think it must be a really rough job to have. That,and handing out fliers!

I feel sorry for them. They’re just trying to earn a living, not purposely trying be a nuisance.

Won’t be rude or mean, just ask them to remove my details and then block the number. "

I'm only rude or annoying to the ones who are trying to scam people (or whose bosses are). I'd rather waste their time (and I'm usually polite on the surface) than give them time to find a victim. Those in the street here, the first one or two rebuffs are a polite no thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m going to have to use some of these. Thank you all.

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By *RnMrsFreak OP Couple
over a year ago

Hull,England

"I think it must be a really rough job to have. That,and handing out fliers!

I feel sorry for them. They’re just trying to earn a living, not purposely trying be a nuisance.

Won’t be rude or mean, just ask them to remove my details and then block the number. "

Genuine companies very rarely call, therefore your number won't be removed just sold. We're having fun at the expense of the phishing scammers who just want your details to sell or extort.

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By *etLikeMan
over a year ago

most fundamental aspects

I never answer unknown numbers on my own phone. However....

My work phone is one that may be an important incoming call.

If it is clearly a scam or (potentially) pressured sales call, I simply tell them who I work for. Some apologise; most hang up in a panic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a number of methods.

I briefly worked in a call centre selling film 4 as an add on and the guy asked me loads of questions about the adult films lol x

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By *ddibleMan
over a year ago

Exeter Bristol Salisbury

"I think it must be a really rough job to have. That,and handing out fliers!

I feel sorry for them. They’re just trying to earn a living, not purposely trying be a nuisance.

Won’t be rude or mean, just ask them to remove my details and then block the number. "

You're right people that hand out fliers are doing an honest job, the so called accident ambulance chasers who call up to talk about your recent accident (despite never having one) or to claim PPI (even though I've never had credit) are not what I would consider doing an honest days work.

They're fair game

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By *orro_sMan
over a year ago

Swansea

"If its a guy, I often put on the campest voice I can, and keep telling the caller how sexy he sounds, and try to drop a few innuendos in. They usually hang up after a few minutes

When you do that does your camp voice have a different accent? Mine always seems to have an Edinborough accent for some reason"

In my case, my accent just gets even more Welshy. A bit like Little Britain's Dafydd, the only gay in the village

https://youtu.be/KrlzaBNgz-M

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By *RnMrsFreak OP Couple
over a year ago

Hull,England

"This is similar to when I saw either Mormons or Jehovahs coming down the road (never spoke to them to find out which on this occasion) so as they came close I closed the chains, put some very loud porn on the TV and made some loud sex noises to go with it. They walked up my driveway but oddly didn't get as far as knocking on the door (that I heard anyway!!)

Each to their own but I don't spout religion at them, and I don't invite them to give me theirs."

Jehovahs Witnessess are ace as they often bring their family out too which is fun when you ask (the adults)

their thoughts about our group sex lifestyle going straight into detail.

But the porn works too, both should get you crossed off the list

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

44 minutes is Marks record, he loves them to ring too. The windows one were they ask you to press control key and the letter r are the best, when they ask what can you see on the screen he comes up with all kinds of random shit

. he once had a you fuck off no you fuck off face off too that lasted a good 20 minutes

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By *ngelina4uWoman
over a year ago

Camberley/Middleton

Im not stupid enough to answer, when you do your number just gets logged as live and you will answer so its passed around for pennies to other telesales companies.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Im not stupid enough to answer, when you do your number just gets logged as live and you will answer so its passed around for pennies to other telesales companies. "

If I do answer and discover its a cold call I just block the number. Agree with you though it's much easier to just not answer. Callers at the door are easily stopped by putting a "no cold callers" notice up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have severe anxiety and would have a panic attack whenever the house phone rang, so we disconnected it. If I get a call on my phone from a number not in my area code or that I don’t recognise, I don’t answer. I’ll google the number later on.

My husband enjoys winding them up though.

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By *erfectlyPervertedCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

We no longer answer numbers that we don't recognise and reverse search them to see if it's possible to identify them as being a nuisance caller; we yhen flag them as DNA (do not answer) if they call again.

SS did have a few calls about motor accidents in the last three years. They got very excited to learn that he was, unfortunately, quite disabled and unable to work and the insurance companies had not paid any compensation.

They then get really excited and want to know more details so he told them that he was driving when d*unk and got prosecuted.

Claims companies no longer appear on the identified numbers, it's PPI and stuff now.

Loz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i never hang up..i was once told that if they hang up on you they dont get paid for the call..i make sure they know that i know that by the end of the call..they seem to be getting less and less frequent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just say no thank you and accept that they’re doing a shit job as it is and don’t really deserve to have jokes played on them.

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By *x3anteexxCouple
over a year ago

NW Cheshire

I start heavy breathing, leave a long pause then ask "so what are you wearing?" In a deep sordid voice.... Always hang up

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By *ngelina4uWoman
over a year ago

Camberley/Middleton

"Im not stupid enough to answer, when you do your number just gets logged as live and you will answer so its passed around for pennies to other telesales companies.

No you block ONE of their numbers its naive to think they only ring out on one number or pass it on to other telesales outfits. You answer the computer logs it as a live number that gets answered and you will not may you will get more calls.

As for the doorstep "no cold callers" signs well talk to anyone who has been a cold caller they see that as a challenge and see it as a person who is vulnerable to cold callers.

If you don't answer the door or phone you won't get people trying to sell you anything and you don't waste your time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I usually hang up straight away but now i cant wait for them to call!

Unless I recognise the number I don't answer the phone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Payback is sweet!!

Phone rings...

Caller.... Good morning, is that Mr *****?

Me... Speaking

Caller... (Indian accent) My name is ****** I'm calling you from Microsoft regarding your computer

Me... I understand you were in an accident that wasn't your fault?

Caller... No, I'm calling you from Microsoft regarding your computer sir

Me... Ahhh, how long did you work in the noisy industry that caused your hearing loss?

Caller... (click) Phone goes dead

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By *ngelina4uWoman
over a year ago

Camberley/Middleton

"I start heavy breathing, leave a long pause then ask "so what are you wearing?" In a deep sordid voice.... Always hang up

you are treading on dangerous water there phone calls are recorded and malicious, abusive or threatening calls, whether from people you know or from strangers, are a criminal offence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only ever get the "you were in an accident that wasn't your fault" ones, which are nearly always automated with voice recognition. I thanked the one I got earlier today and explained that the accident was caused by the unicorn that fell out of the sky while I was driving down the Atlanta highway heading on down to the love shack, baby.

Normally the machine hangs up and this point, although this time I got an extended pause followed by a "pardon?".

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By *RnMrsFreak OP Couple
over a year ago

Hull,England

Another good one is to say they called whilst you were having sex and that you've put them on speaker while you continue the conversation. Obviously it helped that Mrs was there and played along. You can get really creative with the noises in a kitchen, it was like a goons episode.

Alas it was no happy ending for the caller.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Another good one is to say they called whilst you were having sex and that you've put them on speaker while you continue the conversation. Obviously it helped that Mrs was there and played along. You can get really creative with the noises in a kitchen, it was like a goons episode.

Alas it was no happy ending for the caller.

I think it’s a bit perverted and unfair to involve others without them consenting to it in your sexual shit. Just fucking hang up the phone, it’s that simple.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Im not stupid enough to answer, when you do your number just gets logged as live and you will answer so its passed around for pennies to other telesales companies.

As for the doorstep "no cold callers" signs well talk to anyone who has been a cold caller they see that as a challenge and see it as a person who is vulnerable to cold callers.

If you don't answer the door or phone you won't get people trying to sell you anything and you don't waste your time. "

I do realise that they call from more than one number, thats why I don't normally answer. If I do by mistake I block the number.

We've lived here three years and had two cold callers.

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

Cold callers.. I usually say "Oh can you hang on one second, I've got something cooking I just need to turn the hob off"

Then leave them on speaker, til I hear them hang up.

The funniest cold call chat I've ever heard was my Crazy friend Tigger, I have no idea how she stayed to straight faced or carried it on as long as she did, but I was in tears & almost needed emergency Tena

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cold callers.. I usually say "Oh can you hang on one second, I've got something cooking I just need to turn the hob off"

Then leave them on speaker, til I hear them hang up.

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By *ild_oatsMan
over a year ago

the land of saints & sinners

When I get calls about being involved in an accident.

I normally reply with “ever since the accident I have suffered from accute memory loss. Can you remind me how the accident occurred”

Their calls tend to end quite quickly..

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By *ushandkittyCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

When tbey ask about my recent car accident I always ask them which one? Because I've had several and if they've heard about it, it would be helpful to narrow it down to to one they mean. They end up hanging up when they can't single out which accident they mean

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I get calls about being involved in an accident.

I normally reply with “ever since the accident I have suffered from accute memory loss. Can you remind me how the accident occurred”

Their calls tend to end quite quickly.."

I've done this too

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By *ud and BryanCouple
over a year ago

Boston, Lincolnshire

We normally answer as our medieval reenactment society and find most call centres hang up immediately as they think they've called a business number.

Dave did once get into a conversation about an accident he'd had which left him with a broken thumb. "Did you claim...?" Asked the caller. No was the reply, she was allowed to hit me as we were competing in a medieval tournament - the caller hung up.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I report all of them to the Information Commissioners Office who now have much bigger financial penalties.

I stay silent at the start of calls as their computers usually do not put an agent through.

I rarely get calls but report all spam calls and texts. The mobile companies have free numbers to use, which gets them blocked quickly. Better use of your time than wind ups etc. Saves others from the crap.

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By *ebfontaineMan
over a year ago

Telford

I pick up a lot at work. 90% I can fend off with the numerous brothers, sisters who work in whatever service they offer, and so I could not possibly leave them.

Utility people. 'we do not own the building and the landlords pay all the utilities, rates, etc )they do). I then say that they live in Spain. (lie). Normally ends that conversation.

I am always polite..

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

You lot all have far too much time on your hands.

I just hang up, I don't say anything usually.

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By *RnMrsFreak OP Couple
over a year ago

Hull,England

Alas it was no happy ending for the caller.

I think it’s a bit perverted and unfair to involve others without them consenting to it in your sexual shit. Just fucking hang up the phone, it’s that simple. "

Did we consent to them calling our unlisted number at any hour, no.

Do We care if some scammer in Mumbai or Ghana is hearing things they don't want to hear, no.

Do we think this is funny... fuck yeah!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Alas it was no happy ending for the caller.

I think it’s a bit perverted and unfair to involve others without them consenting to it in your sexual shit. Just fucking hang up the phone, it’s that simple. "

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

"You lot all have far too much time on your hands.

I just hang up, I don't say anything usually. "

That's what I was thinking, I don't have a spare hour to wind someone up I neither know nor care about. They're a minor inconvenience, I just hang up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I question why anyone would abuse some poor sod earning minimum wage in a call centre. Or why anyone would consider it 'revenge'. All seems a bit pathetic to me

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By *htcMan
over a year ago

havent had any in while, depends if i have time, one i played some porn to, another some music, other times just hang up

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By *RnMrsFreak OP Couple
over a year ago

Hull,England

"I question why anyone would abuse some poor sod earning minimum wage in a call centre. Or why anyone would consider it 'revenge'. All seems a bit pathetic to me"

Poor sod? Are you kidding? These people are trying to steal our friggin credit card number! The least we can do is have some fun wasting their time if we're in the mood

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By *asilForty77Man
over a year ago

a hundred and sixty of us living in a small shoebox in the middle of the road

just yes to everything they ask its hilarious when they ask the same question over and over that needs another answer than yes,or I sometimes just answer the phone and speak like Brian badonde they soon feck off Bello do you bell bungalows?

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By *oncupiscentTonyMan
over a year ago

Kent

Alas it was no happy ending for the caller.

I think it’s a bit perverted and unfair to involve others without them consenting to it in your sexual shit. Just fucking hang up the phone, it’s that simple.

Did we consent to them calling our unlisted number at any hour, no.

Do We care if some scammer in Mumbai or Ghana is hearing things they don't want to hear, no.

Do we think this is funny... fuck yeah!

It's just some poor fucker trying to get by, a simple no thanks and hang up is all that's needed. Any 'revenge' you might require comes from them not making a sale.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On the exceedingly rare occasion that I get one of these they quickly hang up on the mention of the telephone preference service

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

Each to their own but I don't spout religion at them, and I don't invite them to give me theirs.

Jehovahs Witnessess are ace as they often bring their family out too which is fun when you ask (the adults)

their thoughts about our group sex lifestyle going straight into detail.

But the porn works too, both should get you crossed off the list

My son was told by one crowd that he was basically going to hell for being gay....! I just haven't got the time for them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This used to really piss me off. Did the usual rant and rave, now just say no thank you and put the phone down. No point getting worked up about it or playing games, just put the phone down, after all they're just doing a job for shit wages too.

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By *wingfellowMan
over a year ago

my own little sanctuary

I like to teach people lessons, given their job is sales and I've done it myself I like to use the phone call as a chance for me to sell them a product. Recently I got a call from a PPI company so I'm chatting to the bloke and saying how it's easy to fall into these sales schemes that offer PPI and such and about how the basic sales techniques almost force you into the product whether you need/want it or not. As he responds he states how the money can help pay bills, to which I reply "in this climate we need all the help we can get" so he had a little laugh and mentioned about having a mortgage to pay. At this point I'd allowed him to bring the topic of his home up and now he had I replied with "ah that's brill, conservatories and loft conversions are my trade and it will significantly increase the value of your property if you were to have the work done. So let's talk about your property and see what kind of deal we can put together for you" needless to say he seemed to be quite taken back by what had happened Because by the end of the call I wish that were my trade because he was actually sold on the idea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depending on the mood I play them on with some strange story of how I injured myself. The only time my playing them along failed was when I decided to speak French to then (I dont speak French) and the person on the phone put me through to someone who did speak it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This used to really piss me off. Did the usual rant and rave, now just say no thank you and put the phone down. No point getting worked up about it or playing games, just put the phone down, after all they're just doing a job for shit wages too."

rage against the bosses, not the underpaid zero hour contract worker that needs the job to put food on the table!

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

You lot have too much time in your hands

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On the flip side, I had a RTA about 3 years ago which wasn’t my fault (a lorry decided he wanted the lane I was in when he was alongside me). To this day I’m still getting calls quoting the accident details and how there’s a wedge of money waiting for me for personal injury. I’m now fed up explaining there was no personal injury either at the time nor now!! You can actually hear the incredulity in their response that I’m not interested in claiming.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to sell the double glazing with a once in a life time special offer that is only available today, if they buy front windows and doors, they get their back windows and doors for free, all for the cost of £3,500, but they have to pay today with a direct bank transfer.

So far, no one has accepted my offer!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On the flip side, I had a RTA about 3 years ago which wasn’t my fault (a lorry decided he wanted the lane I was in when he was alongside me). To this day I’m still getting calls quoting the accident details and how there’s a wedge of money waiting for me for personal injury. I’m now fed up explaining there was no personal injury either at the time nor now!! You can actually hear the incredulity in their response that I’m not interested in claiming."

Same with me. Last December a woman pulled out of a side street, I was on a continuous road and she went straight into the side of me. I had a brand new courtesy car for a month due to Xmas and new year, then they wrote off my crappy car and I had money for a newer car. That to me was enough compensation. Having to explain that you weren’t injured and have no interest in claiming and that it’s stuff like false injury claims that puts premiums up, they say but you’re entitled to it, and it’s like no I’m actually not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh my God there's some fun- sappers on here!

Best thread in a while for amusement purposes!

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By *kmale201633Man
over a year ago

Southampton

I used to do telesales and cold call businesses, was great fun for a year then got boring and off I went. Anyways used to be targeted for 'minutes on call', so the people who were obviously not interested and thought they were wasting my time were boosting my figures!

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By *RnMrsFreak OP Couple
over a year ago

Hull,England

"I used to do telesales and cold call businesses, was great fun for a year then got boring and off I went. Anyways used to be targeted for 'minutes on call', so the people who were obviously not interested and thought they were wasting my time were boosting my figures! "

So our antics are helping genuine business callers AND pissing off the scammers, good to know. We call that a win-win situation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

While i was with a friend she had a cold call asking her whether she'd been involved in an accident which wasn't her fault. She replied something like this:

'Yes, i have, just the other day, how did you know?'.

Guy asks her about it.

'Well i'd had a little too much to drink so i can't really remember the details but i got in my car and mowed down four people but it really wasn't my fault because i was d*unk'.

Line suddenly goes dead.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I pretend I am a really lonely old guy who wants to chat with anyone about anything when they ask if I have had an accident I say

“Well I did this morning”

They ask, “where was the accident”

I say “it was in my trousers I didn’t make it to the toilet in time”

Then I start chewing their ear off about my family doesn’t visit me anymore

They hang up pretty quickly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just say no thank you and accept that they’re doing a shit job as it is and don’t really deserve to have jokes played on them. "

I agree

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