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"She was only true family i had, we were best mates, dealing with it all on my own, organisation, bills, house etc, strongest person i knew, died suddenly 2 days after gardening with her... to be told ots natural causes has wrecked my head, on the verge of losing my job,home plus the debt ive accrued ..." Do you have a bereavement counsellor? Are you able to speak to your employer? It's sad to lose a loved one, especially a much-loved parent, but natural causes is a good way to go. Honour the life she gave to you by living it as well as you can. Please seek some counselling for this. Look up Elizabeth Kubler Ross and the stages of grief. | |||
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"She was only true family i had, we were best mates, dealing with it all on my own, organisation, bills, house etc, strongest person i knew, died suddenly 2 days after gardening with her... to be told ots natural causes has wrecked my head, on the verge of losing my job,home plus the debt ive accrued ..." Talk to your GP... Firstly they can sign y9u off work and hold off any dismissal, giving you time to collect your thoughts. Your GP can also arrange a bereavement councillor. Next get along to your local CAB, ask for help with organising your bills and debts. It's going to mean you have to be proactive but in doing so you will find yourself focusing on the bigger picture and hopefully seeing things clearer. | |||
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"She was only true family i had, we were best mates, dealing with it all on my own, organisation, bills, house etc, strongest person i knew, died suddenly 2 days after gardening with her... to be told ots natural causes has wrecked my head, on the verge of losing my job,home plus the debt ive accrued ..." Glad that you've recognised it's giving you a big problem and asked for some advice. Grief comes to all of us in life and even with professional help in the end you have to come to terms with it personally. Seek that professional help if you need it, but at the same time seek help to deal with the other problems that your grief is allowing to pile up on you. Speak to citizen's advice, the samaritans etc. First and foremost secure your home. Talk to the lender/landlord and explain the cause of the problems. Secure your job, explain to your boss what's happening. Then deal with the debts you've run up. Ignoring them will just compound matters as there's a whole industry that lives of the back of bad debt. You may well find that taking positive steps to slay those dragons will keep you busy enough to reduce the time you spend drowning in grief. Think of your mum: "Would she want you to work your way out of this or go under?" | |||
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"Thanks guys, feel a bit silly for posting on here but been stewing for days now... just pent up, angry, upset, frustrated etc." you've lots of people you can talk to in here | |||
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"Thanks guys, feel a bit silly for posting on here but been stewing for days now... just pent up, angry, upset, frustrated etc." I hope it has helped to post here. Sometimes it does. Don't feel silly about it. Please do look at CALM - they are trained to listen and help. | |||
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"She was only true family i had, we were best mates, dealing with it all on my own, organisation, bills, house etc, strongest person i knew, died suddenly 2 days after gardening with her... to be told ots natural causes has wrecked my head, on the verge of losing my job,home plus the debt ive accrued ... Talk to your GP... Firstly they can sign y9u off work and hold off any dismissal, giving you time to collect your thoughts. Your GP can also arrange a bereavement councillor. Next get along to your local CAB, ask for help with organising your bills and debts. It's going to mean you have to be proactive but in doing so you will find yourself focusing on the bigger picture and hopefully seeing things clearer. " excellent advice. My heart breaks for you op. I know your mum was very young | |||
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"She was only true family i had, we were best mates, dealing with it all on my own, organisation, bills, house etc, strongest person i knew, died suddenly 2 days after gardening with her... to be told ots natural causes has wrecked my head, on the verge of losing my job,home plus the debt ive accrued ... Talk to your GP... Firstly they can sign y9u off work and hold off any dismissal, giving you time to collect your thoughts. Your GP can also arrange a bereavement councillor. Next get along to your local CAB, ask for help with organising your bills and debts. It's going to mean you have to be proactive but in doing so you will find yourself focusing on the bigger picture and hopefully seeing things clearer. excellent advice. My heart breaks for you op. I know your mum was very young " She was 51, no illnesses or ailments, didnt smoke, had a guiness with me every now and then, taught me everything... feels fucking cruel.. like ive not experienced enough in my life, but she always said theres somebody worse off than youre self... but im struggling with that atm! | |||
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"Thanks everybody, means alot, ive had it rough my upbringing only got reconnected when i was 18, now im back on my own, id say im intelligent enough not to do anything emotional, but i am known to wear my heart on my sleeve, everything seemed to be so cut and dry... and now its like a ball of wires i cant seem to untangle, i know im not only person to deal with this, but its only time ive experienced any form of loss." And this last bit is the hardest, as well as feeling the loss of control with all those other things you mentioned. You will turn it round, speak to everyone you need to and get everything sorted. Firstly look after you, have those conversations and take it from there. | |||
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"Went through a similar thing myself... let it all get to me. Couldn't be bothered to eat. Everything felt like it was against me. First step is admitting that you need help. My ex kept telling me to go see the Dr. But being a typical man I shrugged it off so many times. In the end the only way I was sure I would go talk to someone was to get someone else to make me an appointment. There is always someone out there to help or this you in the right direction. Don't ever be affraid to ask. All the best fella. Hope you come through it all a stronger person. " Im not usually one to sit and wallow etc... been through some traumatic shit as a child etc but this has rocked me... lost a stone n half in a month, not slept in 5 days ... just driving me insane ... cant get no answers no where! | |||
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"Went through a similar thing myself... let it all get to me. Couldn't be bothered to eat. Everything felt like it was against me. First step is admitting that you need help. My ex kept telling me to go see the Dr. But being a typical man I shrugged it off so many times. In the end the only way I was sure I would go talk to someone was to get someone else to make me an appointment. There is always someone out there to help or this you in the right direction. Don't ever be affraid to ask. All the best fella. Hope you come through it all a stronger person. Im not usually one to sit and wallow etc... been through some traumatic shit as a child etc but this has rocked me... lost a stone n half in a month, not slept in 5 days ... just driving me insane ... cant get no answers no where!" You have some answers here that can help.. Maybe tomorrow come back to the thread and have a proper read through, try and break down what you need to do 1st and start there. It’s a terrible period of time for you but you will get though this with a little bit of help. | |||
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"Thanks roxi! And everyone else! Yeah maybe so, ive always been independent, had no other choice, got bounced round the system until i was 18, got my shit back on track... and poof its been whipped away, can only assume i was some kind of bastard in my past life, selfish i know, but doesnt seem fair!" So sorry for your loss, it's hard losing a parent and your Mum was very young. Take one step at a time, make a list of things you need to do. Yes see your GP and get some debt advice from your bank or citizens advice bureau. There is a lot of help out there, grab it with both hands. Big Hugs to you... xx | |||
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"Thanks roxi! And everyone else! Yeah maybe so, ive always been independent, had no other choice, got bounced round the system until i was 18, got my shit back on track... and poof its been whipped away, can only assume i was some kind of bastard in my past life, selfish i know, but doesnt seem fair! So sorry for your loss, it's hard losing a parent and your Mum was very young. Take one step at a time, make a list of things you need to do. Yes see your GP and get some debt advice from your bank or citizens advice bureau. There is a lot of help out there, grab it with both hands. Big Hugs to you... xx" You think so? Im a single lad, living on my own, with id say an average income, state offered no help what so ever with costs etc, so from that ive developed the feeling gp, docs etc would do nothing but patronise me, i know its not the case, but sometimes you develop ideas etc that you cannot shake, got told today she passed with natural causes... i cant get my head round it, i know its not healthy but theres a part of me thats convincing my self it aint real | |||
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"Thanks roxi! And everyone else! Yeah maybe so, ive always been independent, had no other choice, got bounced round the system until i was 18, got my shit back on track... and poof its been whipped away, can only assume i was some kind of bastard in my past life, selfish i know, but doesnt seem fair! So sorry for your loss, it's hard losing a parent and your Mum was very young. Take one step at a time, make a list of things you need to do. Yes see your GP and get some debt advice from your bank or citizens advice bureau. There is a lot of help out there, grab it with both hands. Big Hugs to you... xx You think so? Im a single lad, living on my own, with id say an average income, state offered no help what so ever with costs etc, so from that ive developed the feeling gp, docs etc would do nothing but patronise me, i know its not the case, but sometimes you develop ideas etc that you cannot shake, got told today she passed with natural causes... i cant get my head round it, i know its not healthy but theres a part of me thats convincing my self it aint real " Yes I know there is a lot of help out there, but you have to go and ask for it, it won't come knocking on your door. Bereavement counselling may help you. You need someone to talk to face to face, some great advice on here. | |||
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"Thanks roxi! And everyone else! Yeah maybe so, ive always been independent, had no other choice, got bounced round the system until i was 18, got my shit back on track... and poof its been whipped away, can only assume i was some kind of bastard in my past life, selfish i know, but doesnt seem fair! So sorry for your loss, it's hard losing a parent and your Mum was very young. Take one step at a time, make a list of things you need to do. Yes see your GP and get some debt advice from your bank or citizens advice bureau. There is a lot of help out there, grab it with both hands. Big Hugs to you... xx You think so? Im a single lad, living on my own, with id say an average income, state offered no help what so ever with costs etc, so from that ive developed the feeling gp, docs etc would do nothing but patronise me, i know its not the case, but sometimes you develop ideas etc that you cannot shake, got told today she passed with natural causes... i cant get my head round it, i know its not healthy but theres a part of me thats convincing my self it aint real Yes I know there is a lot of help out there, but you have to go and ask for it, it won't come knocking on your door. Bereavement counselling may help you. You need someone to talk to face to face, some great advice on here. " Oh supports been fantastic! Its touching, i wouldnt mind perhaps finding someone on here for a meet.. chat wise obviously, seems hell of a lot easier speaking to people unfamiliar to me etc | |||
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"Thanks roxi! And everyone else! Yeah maybe so, ive always been independent, had no other choice, got bounced round the system until i was 18, got my shit back on track... and poof its been whipped away, can only assume i was some kind of bastard in my past life, selfish i know, but doesnt seem fair! So sorry for your loss, it's hard losing a parent and your Mum was very young. Take one step at a time, make a list of things you need to do. Yes see your GP and get some debt advice from your bank or citizens advice bureau. There is a lot of help out there, grab it with both hands. Big Hugs to you... xx You think so? Im a single lad, living on my own, with id say an average income, state offered no help what so ever with costs etc, so from that ive developed the feeling gp, docs etc would do nothing but patronise me, i know its not the case, but sometimes you develop ideas etc that you cannot shake, got told today she passed with natural causes... i cant get my head round it, i know its not healthy but theres a part of me thats convincing my self it aint real Yes I know there is a lot of help out there, but you have to go and ask for it, it won't come knocking on your door. Bereavement counselling may help you. You need someone to talk to face to face, some great advice on here. Oh supports been fantastic! Its touching, i wouldnt mind perhaps finding someone on here for a meet.. chat wise obviously, seems hell of a lot easier speaking to people unfamiliar to me etc " It's often easier to chat to strangers | |||
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"It seems that way! Still feels odd online via keyboard etc though lol " It is a bit weird, isn't it? | |||
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"It seems that way! Still feels odd online via keyboard etc though lol It is a bit weird, isn't it? " Slightly yeah! It is some what of a relief i must admit, still slightly odd! It has helped thankyou! I guess im more of a chew youre ear off in person kinda guy lol my mam was from n.ireland so i guess ive got that 10pmph chat lol | |||
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"It seems that way! Still feels odd online via keyboard etc though lol It is a bit weird, isn't it? Slightly yeah! It is some what of a relief i must admit, still slightly odd! It has helped thankyou! I guess im more of a chew youre ear off in person kinda guy lol my mam was from n.ireland so i guess ive got that 10pmph chat lol " Aah, you're welcome, I hope things pick up for you soon | |||
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"It seems that way! Still feels odd online via keyboard etc though lol It is a bit weird, isn't it? Slightly yeah! It is some what of a relief i must admit, still slightly odd! It has helped thankyou! I guess im more of a chew youre ear off in person kinda guy lol my mam was from n.ireland so i guess ive got that 10pmph chat lol Aah, you're welcome, I hope things pick up for you soon " Thankyou very much!!! | |||
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"Had a re read today, was a slight breakthrough, feeling a tad more optimistic, thanks guys " That's good. Use that to get some help so that you're prepared if you feel very low again. Take it one step at a time. | |||
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"Had a re read today, was a slight breakthrough, feeling a tad more optimistic, thanks guys That's good. Use that to get some help so that you're prepared if you feel very low again. Take it one step at a time. " Yeah gonna try too!! Just does my head in stuck on my own same 4 walls... mind goes to overdrive x | |||
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"Had a re read today, was a slight breakthrough, feeling a tad more optimistic, thanks guys That's good. Use that to get some help so that you're prepared if you feel very low again. Take it one step at a time. Yeah gonna try too!! Just does my head in stuck on my own same 4 walls... mind goes to overdrive x" Don't stay stuck in your 4 walls. Get out for a walk, clears the head and is good for mind and body | |||
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"Had a re read today, was a slight breakthrough, feeling a tad more optimistic, thanks guys That's good. Use that to get some help so that you're prepared if you feel very low again. Take it one step at a time. Yeah gonna try too!! Just does my head in stuck on my own same 4 walls... mind goes to overdrive x Don't stay stuck in your 4 walls. Get out for a walk, clears the head and is good for mind and body " Been for a walk down on river x | |||
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"Had a re read today, was a slight breakthrough, feeling a tad more optimistic, thanks guys That's good. Use that to get some help so that you're prepared if you feel very low again. Take it one step at a time. Yeah gonna try too!! Just does my head in stuck on my own same 4 walls... mind goes to overdrive x Don't stay stuck in your 4 walls. Get out for a walk, clears the head and is good for mind and body Been for a walk down on river x " That is very good | |||
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"Had a re read today, was a slight breakthrough, feeling a tad more optimistic, thanks guys That's good. Use that to get some help so that you're prepared if you feel very low again. Take it one step at a time. Yeah gonna try too!! Just does my head in stuck on my own same 4 walls... mind goes to overdrive x Don't stay stuck in your 4 walls. Get out for a walk, clears the head and is good for mind and body Been for a walk down on river x That is very good " Made me worse tbh, threw my self in, turns out a belly makes u float | |||
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"Had a re read today, was a slight breakthrough, feeling a tad more optimistic, thanks guys That's good. Use that to get some help so that you're prepared if you feel very low again. Take it one step at a time. Yeah gonna try too!! Just does my head in stuck on my own same 4 walls... mind goes to overdrive x Don't stay stuck in your 4 walls. Get out for a walk, clears the head and is good for mind and body Been for a walk down on river x That is very good Made me worse tbh, threw my self in, turns out a belly makes u float" I hope that was a joke... | |||
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"Had a re read today, was a slight breakthrough, feeling a tad more optimistic, thanks guys That's good. Use that to get some help so that you're prepared if you feel very low again. Take it one step at a time. Yeah gonna try too!! Just does my head in stuck on my own same 4 walls... mind goes to overdrive x Don't stay stuck in your 4 walls. Get out for a walk, clears the head and is good for mind and body Been for a walk down on river x That is very good Made me worse tbh, threw my self in, turns out a belly makes u float I hope that was a joke... " Wish it was. | |||
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"Had a re read today, was a slight breakthrough, feeling a tad more optimistic, thanks guys That's good. Use that to get some help so that you're prepared if you feel very low again. Take it one step at a time. Yeah gonna try too!! Just does my head in stuck on my own same 4 walls... mind goes to overdrive x Don't stay stuck in your 4 walls. Get out for a walk, clears the head and is good for mind and body Been for a walk down on river x That is very good Made me worse tbh, threw my self in, turns out a belly makes u float I hope that was a joke... Wish it was." Please go and see someone. | |||
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"Had a re read today, was a slight breakthrough, feeling a tad more optimistic, thanks guys That's good. Use that to get some help so that you're prepared if you feel very low again. Take it one step at a time. Yeah gonna try too!! Just does my head in stuck on my own same 4 walls... mind goes to overdrive x Don't stay stuck in your 4 walls. Get out for a walk, clears the head and is good for mind and body Been for a walk down on river x That is very good Made me worse tbh, threw my self in, turns out a belly makes u float I hope that was a joke... Wish it was. Please go and see someone. " I did made me worse! Got fucking patronised, treated like a child, felt i was judged on area and upbringing rather than my actual character x | |||
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" Please go and see someone. I did made me worse! Got fucking patronised, treated like a child, felt i was judged on area and upbringing rather than my actual character x" Call CALM. They do a web-chat so it will be like communicating with people on here but with people who know how to help (and without naked pictures). Do it if for no other reason so that you don't put someone else's life at risk trying to rescue you from the river. I know you're angry and upset and would like someone to be able to make that go away but there is no quick fix. You may feel worse before you start to feel better and then you may feel worse again. It's a process. You're in self-destruct mode and folk on the Fab forum can only send you messages. You need to be cared for by someone more tangible than these pixels. | |||
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" Please go and see someone. I did made me worse! Got fucking patronised, treated like a child, felt i was judged on area and upbringing rather than my actual character x Call CALM. They do a web-chat so it will be like communicating with people on here but with people who know how to help (and without naked pictures). Do it if for no other reason so that you don't put someone else's life at risk trying to rescue you from the river. I know you're angry and upset and would like someone to be able to make that go away but there is no quick fix. You may feel worse before you start to feel better and then you may feel worse again. It's a process. You're in self-destruct mode and folk on the Fab forum can only send you messages. You need to be cared for by someone more tangible than these pixels. " Thankyou.... Alot | |||
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