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Please help me understand...

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By *onny Bones OP   Man
over a year ago

a block away from heaven

I have enjoyed conversations with some lovely people on this site, some with very specific profiles, somewith lovely pics and some with no pics and very little info on profile. I beleive that it is not until you take the time to get to know someone will you have the opportunity to get to know or dismiss someone.

Every other post describes the amount of mail that a single lady has to sift through to find what she is seeking. Most women who have detailled profiles on here say that they prefer a well structured message as oppose to short non descriptive ones.

My question is that if you get more mail than you are able or willing to read, why would you want a long message?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I think some ladies may filter ( by deleting without opening )by age and location requirements, significantly reducing the volume. Then when they do open to read... they prefer a well crafted and personalised message.

again, I think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't get many messages, probably because I have applied the correct filters, such as not being able to be seen by non-members or by Googling etc...

However, it is true that short crass one liners or cut and paste jobs do not attract my attention, whereas I would always take time to read and digest well contructed long messages, even if the final result is the same, as in "no thanks I am not interested".

I guess if someone makes an effort to read my profile and write me a decent message, I should respond in kind by reading it properly.

Hope this makes sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think some ladies may filter ( by deleting without opening )by age and location requirements, significantly reducing the volume. Then when they do open to read... they prefer a well crafted and personalised message.

again, I think."

Spot on!

Like Pearl I also have filters in place but I still get around 10 messages a day - more if I'm on for a while. Of the 10 seven can be deleted immediately without opening - outside London and age range. Of the remaining three two can be discounted as they start "hiya sexy/hunny/babe/momma that leaves one.

Some days I delete the whole lot without opening one message. In a week there will usually be two people I respond to - and they have been the ones that made an effort with their message and obviously read my profile!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I should add, anyone that sends a well constructed message and meets my criteria gets a message in return, even if it's to say no thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i have filters in place but it doesnt stop people trying or pushing and pushing

if i get a mail i tend to look at the profile 1st before opening the mail, if the profile makes me go mmmmm! me i will open the mail and see whats been wrote

but photos can put me off as well if im honest

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

My main requirement is that a person reads my profile before mailing me.

If they have then they should have seen the age range etc that I like and got an idea if I can meet at the drop of a hat.... so if they read the profile then hopefully they wont be under 30 as it says no under 30s. But I always get ones from scotland messaaging me??? I am in east anglia. It they are local and read my profile which 90% dont (couples included)then they will get a reply.

I dont mind if the message is short or long but shows something to prove they have read my profile. Maybe a comment on something written in my profile. Dont just comment on my pics as I am pretty sure you would have perved them. Just show some politeness and personality and am happy x

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay


"I think some ladies may filter ( by deleting without opening )by age and location requirements, significantly reducing the volume. Then when they do open to read... they prefer a well crafted and personalised message.

again, I think."

Spot on young sir!

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus


"I think some ladies may filter ( by deleting without opening )by age and location requirements, significantly reducing the volume. Then when they do open to read... they prefer a well crafted and personalised message.

again, I think."

And some of us are shallow and filter by picture, which we can see before we open up a message by just going to the profile.

If we don't like, we pass on by.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...every person has different ideas as to what they might like to see and if it's not clearly spelt out on their profile, then you just have to go with what you think is best.

there is no perfect pm.

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

I think the answer to you question is ‘job inter_iew’ or ‘sales technique’.

At the very first instant of first contact yes/no decisions are being made. To that end I think a person can sell themselves in just one line IF it’s the right on-liner for that person at that point in time.

More often than not the one-liner doesn’t work, not because its just one line but because its crap! It doesn’t work but nevertheless does the job, it tells you the person behind it is probably lazy, of limited social skills and has a very poor concept of what the swinging hobby is all about.

Someone who writes more implies imagination, it suggests they are prepared to put some effort in and have a genuine interest in the person/people they are writing too. You see these people are also ‘one-liners’ but they write lots of them, the first line needs to inspire the reader to read the next and the next and so on. The ‘one-liner’ is just a tag, a label that basically says this person doesn’t have the skills to sell themselves in writing. If they were to write a few paragraphs no doubt it would just be more rubbish that doesn’t capture the readers attention.

It never cesses to amaze me, do people actually think that not bothering to fill in their profile and not providing any pictures is ACTUALLY going to ATTRACT people? ‘Oh I’ll just put any old shit here and sit back and wait for the offers of sex to flood in’ LOL. It’s a shame really because we’ve met some fantastic people, made some great friends and had some great experiences and many of them have come about because we made a point of ignoring this ‘you’ve got 5 seconds to make an impression’ principal… meaning that just because a person doesn’t know the first thing about selling themselves doesn’t mean they are not worth knowing.

BUT… if we receive a PM with a few lines in it and then find a fully filled in profile behind it at least that says to us they are making an effort, they are TRYING to make a good impression.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think some ladies may filter ( by deleting without opening )by age and location requirements, significantly reducing the volume. Then when they do open to read... they prefer a well crafted and personalised message.

again, I think.

Spot on!

Like Pearl I also have filters in place but I still get around 10 messages a day - more if I'm on for a while. Of the 10 seven can be deleted immediately without opening - outside London and age range. Of the remaining three two can be discounted as they start "hiya sexy/hunny/babe/momma that leaves one.

Some days I delete the whole lot without opening one message. In a week there will usually be two people I respond to - and they have been the ones that made an effort with their message and obviously read my profile!"

Agree and would add that when on line messages tend to be of two types:

old friends saying hi

or opportunists

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By *onny Bones OP   Man
over a year ago

a block away from heaven

Find this really weird so many peopple I read in various forums have an opinion and often advise newbies on what they believe to be curteous behaviour and the 'right' way to go about things. Some of those very opinionated people have been kind enough to comment on this forum post, yet now seem to not be so bothered about the quality of the message, more so on other things (profile content, pictures, etc). I really do agree with a previous poster when he says that due to being spoilt for choice, makes some feel over important. I do beleive that may be the case if we single men were in same position, but we're not, and it reminds of the old saying of importance and being nice. If somebody were to send an email saying hi, I would respond with a friendly hi, after all I'm sure that when walking through the street if somebody greets you will respond in a friendly way. Come on people just work on respecting each other. Would you not say hi to the ordinary man or woman walking down the road, because their cock size is not to your liking, or because one breast is slightly bigger than the other. I think that we just need to get over ourselves.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

A "a well structured message" doesn't have to mean a long message.

A short message which clearly shows someone has read the profile and is interested in what they have read... is enough.

It's the generic spam which puts a lot of people off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we all have tastes

i fancy some many different people from not my normal type to my type

i dont judge on pictures as much as personality. if the message comes and its well written and someone has read my profile then its a start if they meet my criteria even better. BUT most dont

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Would you not say hi to the ordinary man or woman walking down the road, because their cock size is not to your liking, or because one breast is slightly bigger than the other. I think that we just need to get over ourselves."

When you say 'hi' back to the ordinary man in the street, he keeps walking afterwards. He doesn't then send you a string of other messages and get shirty when you say "I was just saying hi to be polite"

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Two of my most recent new meets sent the following messages as a first message:

"I'm all out of flakes, will I do if I cover myself in chocolate"

"Is there room for a 5th if I bring a Mr Whippy van?"

Both show they have read my profile. Both show signs of a sense of humour.

Both messages wouldn't make any sense if sent to anyone else... so I know without doubt they were written for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

thats good thou

if i read a profile and feel the need to message someone i will read a profile and think of something fitting to send.

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

OP…

Forgive me if I’m wrong but you’ve started a forum thread asking for peoples opinions and now it seems you’re not happy with people being ‘opinionated’?

As others have said, there is no ‘perfect’ first contact solution, something that might sit well with one person at one point in time might go down like a lead balloon at another time.

There are often complaints in these forums about people being impolite but there is nothing polite about a crap message from some chancer! There is little to no excuse for poor spelling, lack of grammar, punctuation etc. all these constitute a lack of good manners.

The key to good manners is making things easy for other people not making it more difficult by laziness that leads to such things as PM’s that are difficult or impossible to read. Having to tell someone ‘no thanks’ because either they haven’t bothered to read the profile or choose to think that it doesn’t apply to them is a waste of my time because THEY are not putting any time in. You might be surprised at the amount of people who have no concept of what 50 miles is and or ‘we can only play on Saturday evenings’ or ‘single guys MUST be single’.

So what if we get that ‘on-liner’ that captures our attention, maybe we want to know more, so we look at the profile of the sender… oh guess what, can’t be arsed to put some pictures up and fill in a few details and tell people something about themselves… this is NOT being polite! It is UN-helpful.

Do I ignore people in the street? ‘Yes’ if its some lazy half-wit that wants something from me for nothing while having nothing worthwhile to offer me!

If you fitted our criteria and were looking to meet you can be sure of a polite reply but you don’t so that won’t be happening. If you were to contact us because you want to chat, that’s fine we’ll chat.

But you might also keep something else in mind, a very high percentage of the profiles on this site and any other swingers site are husbands fantasising about the prospects of a free shag. They pose as single males and the pose as couples while typically the wife knows nothing about it… you will never get what you want from these people least of all a polite ‘no thanks’

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

[Removed by poster at 29/11/10 17:55:38]

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"

But you might also keep something else in mind, a very high percentage of the profiles on this site and any other swingers site are husbands fantasising about the prospects of a free shag. They pose as single males and the pose as couples while typically the wife knows nothing about it… you will never get what you want from these people least of all a polite ‘no thanks’"

wise words.... wise words indeed.

but of course, if you do get a reply from these ... happy days!!!!... but then of course the reply won't materalise into a meet as there is no available vagina... so they will become TIMEWASTERS... and you will rant about them...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think some ladies may filter ( by deleting without opening )by age and location requirements, significantly reducing the volume. Then when they do open to read... they prefer a well crafted and personalised message.

again, I think.

Spot on young sir!"

Twice too, a nice message whether long or short, goes so much further than the guy that tells me what he wants to do to me, even more so if they have read my profile

Therefore "Babe u looking for single guys" from a 25 yr old in Exeter got deleted

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