FabSwingers.com forum: Things you wouldn't read in a profile: mock the week style

By *anDare70 OP Man
over a year ago

kirkby

I don't squirt but sweat enough the bed will still be soaked.

I've got an average cock that mostly works.

I'll say anything and even pretend to like you if it gets you out of your knickers. I'm a very convincing liar.

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By *horltzMan
over a year ago

heysham

My micro penis hasn't seen soap and water for six months - from Cleandeepthroatfanatic

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

I'm looking to shag the whole site, and I'll meet at the drop of a hat.

You must be pub fit and on 40 Bensons a day.

If we arrange a meet and you don't turn up, no worries I'll be available again tomorrow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Come smash my back doors in treat me like the slut I am cos you know I love it phwooooooaaaaarrrrrrrrr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm looking to shag my way around the site

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

"I'm looking to shag the whole site, and I'll meet at the drop of a hat.

You must be pub fit and on 40 Bensons a day.

If we arrange a meet and you don't turn up, no worries I'll be available again tomorrow."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Arrange and plan a meet then don't turn up! I love my own company

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Face pics? Nah, just send me a pic of your cock.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Big cock? dont be silly... its tiny the photo is just taken from a good angle!

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

Feel free to ignore the profile I thought long and hard about writing or my list of interests and just look at the pretty pictures. Then send me a message asking if you can fill me with your spunk right now since I would so obviously be into that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The boils and cysts on my cock are not connected to my syphilis

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im never horny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not a bit fussy so it's quantity over quality

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know its says I'm a straight male, but honestly I'm really bi and I love cock.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The boils and cysts on my cock are not connected to my syphilis"

LMFAO!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love sky remote pics!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can fart the National Anthem and I smell like a greengrocer's. I LOVE receiving oral too

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By *onyneMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

Despite my user name 'rampantmillionairewithaluxuryyachtoffthecoastofmonaco' I am really living with me mam n Sudbury

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The wife is bi, but only when I'm in the same room.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Couple looking for single female for fun and frolics. Please bring puncture repair kit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife doesn't mind that I'm on here at all

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By *anDare70 OP Man
over a year ago

kirkby

Hope you like my pictures then we'll both be wishing they were of me.

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By *anDare70 OP Man
over a year ago

kirkby

I do not agree to Sydney university using any part or my profile nor you reading my restraining orders.

Looking to meet next week if the parole board goes well.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Alcoholic dwarf with angry wife seeks disused nuclear bunker for safe fun

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By *uited staffs guyMan
over a year ago

staffordshire

The other half of my couples profile is actually a blow up doll

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By *anDare70 OP Man
over a year ago

kirkby

" You must be pub fit."

One of the best phrases I've read

/applause

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We always play safe, except in the heat of the moment

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By *anDare70 OP Man
over a year ago

kirkby

"We always play safe, except in the heat of the moment "

Safe sex only, ie when the wife is at her mothers and the kids are asleep.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a hot curvy blonde with size 14 feet

I'm a clean shaven femme fetale that wipes back to front

My friends call me geoff but you can call me mindy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Alcoholic dwarf with angry wife seeks disused nuclear bunker for safe fun"

I didn't know Tyrion Lannister was on Fab...!

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Gin fit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't enjoy the company of others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not bi, but I'll give it a bash, for my fella to watch and get his jollies off.

Prefer not to get to know someone or chat.. face pic not needed we provide paper bags... Meeting asap is for us! Just send a cock or Pussy pic. No glove required.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Gin fit"

I think you'll find that's curvy, actually

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By *oward1978Man
over a year ago

Rotherham

'I'm only here to meet _oward1978. He just seems like the greatest guy EVER!! The rest of you can jog on.'

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

The ones that say 'no limits'

ffs

So, I had yr granny in rubber gear, comin' at ya with a barely restrained Alsatian on a lead in one hand and a double-ended dildo in the other...?

No limits?

Hmmm?

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Tbfm I used to have a mental health client who had a thing for young women on crutches or in calipers (like WTF?).

And he used to tell people...

I'm apologising to little old ladies on the bus or the next benefits worker for his sudden outbursts about the things he'd like to do...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The ones that say 'no limits'

ffs

So, I had yr granny in rubber gear, comin' at ya with a barely restrained Alsatian on a lead in one hand and a double-ended dildo in the other...?

No limits?

Hmmm?"

You did? Poor granny.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tbfm I used to have a mental health client who had a thing for young women on crutches or in calipers (like WTF?).

And he used to tell people...

I'm apologising to little old ladies on the bus or the next benefits worker for his sudden outbursts about the things he'd like to do...

Are you sure you weren't the client?

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By *azNdavCouple
over a year ago

barnsley

None professional dole scrounging couple looking for similar to share takeaways and white lightning and fun times in bus shelters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Please ask me if it's true what they say about black men. Cos, y'know that REALLY turns me on...

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"Are you sure you weren't the client?

I might be mad but I'm not stupid

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Hello, I'm Tina Titz,

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

The ones that r in txt spk or finish every sentence with a nervous 'LOL'

*rolls eyes*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a single guy and I've had a meet

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Zombie

Seeks: Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains! Braaaaaaaaaaaaains! Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't worry about the green discharge coming from my knob / fanny - lets just get on with shagging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can only meet on Thursdays when I get my dole money

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't like cocks, pussy, boobs, sex, bj's, oral,anal or any physical contact

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

HAVE VIAGRA.

Need woman. Any woman between 18 and 80.

PM me.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Single male seeks double-jointed supermodel who owns her own brewery and grows her own dope. Access to free concert tix appreciated, as would be a like-minded twin sister.

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

"None professional dole scrounging couple looking for similar to share takeaways and white lightning and fun times in bus shelters. "

PMSL

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By *anDare70 OP Man
over a year ago

kirkby

I'm not picky or fussy. If your prepared to shag me then you're good enough

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Easygoing, athletic male.

Seeks woman, looks unimportant.

Be 18-30, tall, slim and attractive.

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By *icky999Man
over a year ago

warrington

will get off my tits in a club on prescription pills and booze , make a show of my self and leave you stranded 50 miles from home.

I know this isn't funny but im still f**ckin fuming

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Good looking, athletic movie star and millionaire. Notting Hill based. Seeks gullible stunner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you sure you weren't the client?

I might be mad but I'm not stupid"

Mad?

perhaps

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You've still got a pulse ? That's good enough for me ......

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

Hi babe, thanks for reading my profile, i dont know what to write, because i dont know who iam, what i want or what you want, all i know is that i want to cum, so meet me, skype me, cam me, phone me, ill make my fantasy come true, however, whenever, wherever with whomever...im sure youll be as pleased with me as i am.....

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"Are you sure you weren't the client?

I might be mad but I'm not stupid

Mad?

perhaps"

Everyone has a touch of mental health - just depends on how in touch you are with it...

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Sit on my face and shit.

Me: 70+, quadriplegic, getiatric with nappy fetish.

You: midget with blue balls

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you sure you weren't the client?

I might be mad but I'm not stupid

Mad?

perhaps

Everyone has a touch of mental health - just depends on how in touch you are with it...

Oh I know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Looking to be impregnated, inbox to get shortlisted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dog loves cats and peanut butter. So be prepared for your pussy to be ladened with the stuff.

Disclaimer: If this had been on a profile I wouldn't have spoken to the guy on the phone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Looking for single men"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dates and times am Free to have sex,

Monday to Friday - 9am - 3pm

Wife takes kids to school then goes to work,

Saturday - After 10pm at your place,

She goes to bed early

Sunday - Between 10am - 1pm

While the wife goes to church

No ugly Women or Men

Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Pick me up and take me to yours"

...

Oh wait, I saw that on a profile

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By *anDare70 OP Man
over a year ago

kirkby

"You've still got a pulse ? That's good enough for me ......"

Fussy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I mean it when i say quality over quantity and would not be shagging the whole site if i got more replies/offers.

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By *eliciousladyWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

"HAVE VIAGRA.

Need woman. Any woman between 18 and 80.

PM me."

Shame I'm out of your age range

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All random friendship requesters welcomed with open legs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can travel when my mum gives me a lift.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can travel when my mum gives me a lift."

Will she also wait to take you back home

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By *azNdavCouple
over a year ago

barnsley

3 days clear from last std

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am clearly in a relationship but dont worry im an expert at lying and only been caught 5 times

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By *opinovMan
over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

"I'm a petite lady and I live in Cumbria."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a veteran swinger.....looking to have another child ....number 457 "

"I Love that full tight feeling...but cocks don't do it anymore,who's willing to lube up their entire head for me "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""I'm a veteran swinger.....looking to have another child ....number 457 "

"I Love that full tight feeling...but cocks don't do it anymore,who's willing to lube up their entire head for me "

God that's made me chuckle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Looking for love, marriage and monogamy.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

I'd forgotten this thread.. tee hee

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By *anDare70 OP Man
over a year ago

kirkby

"I am clearly in a relationship but dont worry im an expert at lying and only been caught 5 times"

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Supply the Viagra ladies, it's been a long time since my Mrs or anyone got it up. Give me a bed bath as will be coming during my pig farming shift. Can lick cream cakes for hours - you do the same with my moist little cock, it gets all sweaty in this weather and needs refreshing.

Not a fan of 50 shades but will use my outhouse as your prison cell.

Pretty bad in bed, can last for 20 seconds, so swallow and repeat.

If you're one of the locals at the swinging club, I've already groped you, so don't bother.

Up for anything taboo, including all the p's.

My pubes are as nature intended, long and an ecosystem with protectEd wildlife.ecosystem status.

Cheese lovers welcome.

I only respond to fancy a fuck messages. If you want more pics, visit the porn sites I got mine from.

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By *atcherofmyballsMan
over a year ago

hereford

"None professional dole scrounging couple looking for similar to share takeaways and white lightning and fun times in bus shelters. "

Wayne n waynetta ?

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By *een1x_BedlamMan
over a year ago

Padstow

I'm just a shy, ego-less, narcissistic, sociopath who loves his mum-but only when dad's at work and she lets me out of the cellar so I can take a break from being Daisy the keyboard warrior.

Please bring wd40,a bin liner, an orange and a ballgag to our first meet.

I like babycham and Marmite felched up my bleached anus on my local pub pool table.

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