FabSwingers.com forum: A sonnet.....

By *ot cottons tabard OP Man
over a year ago

Enfield

Riddle me this

riddle me that

i cant get a meet

maybe i am too fat

Ladies get a shock

at the size of my cock

it brings me to tears

i havent seen it in years

Id settle for a fluzy

whos name is suzy

i wont go in a huff

if i could just see her chuff

Dont make me beg

my wangs covered in smeg

it wont be obscene

if you just lick it clean

Ill ride you for hours

wont buy you flowers

youll be begging for more

or more likely just sore

Wont offer you cash

but youll end up with a rash

youll know its not right

when youre scratching all night

Why will noone meet

youd be in for a treat

ill make sure you come first

im a lying bastard

So come suck my dick

but please make it quick

the football is on

its time you were gone.

CONSTUCTIVE CRITISISM ONLY PLEASE

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

how could we criticise such prose and funny too

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

hahahahah love it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Constructive criticism... ok, then..

A Shakespearean, or English, sonnet consists of 14 lines, each line containing ten syllables and written in iambic pentameter, in which a pattern of an unemphasized syllable followed by an emphasized syllable is repeated five times.

Iambic pentameter is:

da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM

(each da DUM is one 'foot', the five pairs making five 'feet' in poetry)

The rhyme scheme in a Shakespearean sonnet is:

a-b-a-b,

c-d-c-d,

e-f-e-f,

g-g;

..the last two lines are a rhyming couplet.

(for each letter represented above you would need different words that rhyme, for example:

word/bird = a

wood/could = b

rub/tub = c

bash/rash = d

love/dove = e

seek/meek = f

who/woo = g

..making 7 sets of rhyming couplets that end each line along the following basis:

a) word

b) wood

a) bird

b) could

c) rub

d) bash

c) tub

d) rash

e) love

f) meek

e) dove

f) seek

g) who

g) woo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Constructive criticism... ok, then..

Iambic pentameter is:

da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM

(each da DUM is one 'foot', the five pairs making five 'feet' in poetry)

The rhyme scheme in a Shakespearean sonnet is:

a-b-a-b,

c-d-c-d,

e-f-e-f,

g-g;

..the last two lines are a rhyming couplet.

(for each letter represented above you would need different words that rhyme, for example:

word/bird = a

wood/could = b

rub/tub = c

bash/rash = d

love/dove = e

seek/meek = f

who/woo = g

..making 7 sets of rhyming couplets that end each line along the following basis:

a) word

b) wood

a) bird

b) could

c) rub

d) bash

c) tub

d) rash

e) love

f) meek

e) dove

f) seek

g) who

g) woo"

dontcha just love that mr google......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"dontcha just love that mr google......"

If you can find that lot on google, word for word, I'll buy you a car of your choosing.

(I used to be a critique editor on a poetry forum, specialising in structure, style and meter)

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By *ot cottons tabard OP Man
over a year ago

Enfield

*Listening to the sound of a lone bugler as Wishy delivers the last rites to the second thread of mine*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hehehe.. well you asked for constructive criticism didn't you?

As for the poem itself, it's cute, amateurish, but cute.

There ya go, thread reopened for people to say 'hey, dont be nasty, its a nice poem'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

huh someone got a b in their sonnet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"hehehe.. well you asked for constructive criticism didn't you?

As for the poem itself, it's cute, amateurish, but cute.

There ya go, thread reopened for people to say 'hey, dont be nasty, its a nice poem'.

have to admit im a bit of a poetry fan meself !! love the cadence of a well written verse ,,but i bow to your superior knowledge and ive already got t the car of my choice .... thanks for the offer tho !!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"hehehe.. well you asked for constructive criticism didn't you?

As for the poem itself, it's cute, amateurish, but cute.

There ya go, thread reopened for people to say 'hey, dont be nasty, its a nice poem'.

Have to say wishy its thanks to you that jay is still enjoying his poem book and still commenting on it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There ya go, thread reopened for people to say 'hey, dont be nasty, its a nice poem'.

You've sucked the joy out of even doing that!

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

"Riddle me this

riddle me that

i cant get a meet

maybe i am too fat

Ladies get a shock

at the size of my cock

it brings me to tears

i havent seen it in years

Id settle for a fluzy

whos name is suzy

i wont go in a huff

if i could just see her chuff

Dont make me beg

my wangs covered in smeg

it wont be obscene

if you just lick it clean

Ill ride you for hours

wont buy you flowers

youll be begging for more

or more likely just sore

Wont offer you cash

but youll end up with a rash

youll know its not right

when youre scratching all night

Why will noone meet

youd be in for a treat

ill make sure you come first

im a lying bastard

So come suck my dick

but please make it quick

the football is on

its time you were gone.

CONSTUCTIVE CRITISISM ONLY PLEASE"

Riddle me this

Riddle me that

No profile as such,

Don't be a twat,

No information to speak of,

No picture either,

To you my dear fella

You're not much of a pleaser

So take my advice

Do your pofile as you should,

Start with a picture

An up to date one is good

And explain if your married,

Or not sinking sooo low

Cus with 'Can't accommodate,'

Most will think you won't show.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it was fun and who cares about the "usual" rules this is a swingers forum. No one in their right mind writes poetry to fit rules surely?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I thought it was a good poem, lot of thought went into itxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"it was fun and who cares about the "usual" rules this is a swingers forum. No one in their right mind writes poetry to fit rules surely? "

Not when you write free verse or blank verse poetry, but when you declare a poem to be a sonnet then to a sonnet's rules it must adhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"hehehe.. well you asked for constructive criticism didn't you?

As for the poem itself, it's cute, amateurish, but cute.

There ya go, thread reopened for people to say 'hey, dont be nasty, its a nice poem'.

Have to say wishy its thanks to you that jay is still enjoying his poem book and still commenting on it

So do I hon, and I've had my copy for jeez... must 15 years now!

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By *lumsy colinMan
over a year ago

basingstoke

sonnets only have fourteen lines this is a one stanza poem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"sonnets only have fourteen lines this is a one stanza poem"

Look at the thread title.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The OP didn't specify whether it was a Shakespearian or Petrarchan sonnet ... but as it didn't adhere to either format I'm just being pedantic

I'm sure it was just intended as a bit of fun though and it's certainly that

Sugar x

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By *onny BonesMan
over a year ago

a block away from heaven

...blah blah. Had me in stitches!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

love it pmsl, haha.

sonnet of a single male

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